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comment lucid non-lucid

VILD during a late WBTW. Visualizing something about an old woman who would teach me visualization. I think she is my dream guide because it was my subconscious filling in her look. I want to meet her in a dream one day.
I am losing it, my minds wander through short daydreams, dreamy thoughts and minidreams.

Rose Garden
In my childhood garden, I am thinking about where to plant roses.

A shitty dream sign
I am in my grandmother's house, with my husband, in her bed. I notice he has something brown on his green fleece jacket and it is poop, stuck to his jacket in several places on his back!
I call my mum but I can't scream, so I tell him to call her. She comes and takes the jacket and tries to clean it.
I talk with her about how she got a water tap to this room (it isn't there IRL). She tells me to think. I realize there always was a water pipe on the other side of the wall. But I don't understand why the water pipe leads through a wardrobe.
I think about how my husband was able to get the poop all over his jacket. How was he able to do it? And how was he positioned in the litter tray?
I realize it is my cat usually having these problems, not my husband!
I am waking up from the dream but I feel relaxed. There will be another dream soon.

Exploring a mysterious research facility
I am lying on a floor, it's made of beige tiles, cold and sloping down from me. I realize this is my dream body lying there, feeling this, and I am lucid! I am worried about the dream not being stable yet but I try to slide down the slope, head first. But I have some clothing under me, preventing this. I return to my original position, worrying about moving my real body if I do something too radical.
Then I decide this is stable enough and movement helps to stabilize anyway, so I adjust my clothing, sit, and slide down the slope, gaining speed on my way down.
Under the slope, I stand in a corridor. There are two doors, partially open. I choose the way directly forward but can't stop thinking about the other door. What was there?
Behind the door, there is another corridor and some cabinets with drawers. It feels like some (old/socialist/east European) research facility or a similar institution (imagine tiled floor, wood veneer on furniture, and that ugly yellow waterproof paint on the walls). I open some of the drawers, they are very detailed but empty.
There are more doors and I have to choose again. I feel a presence behind one of those doors and get worried about someone finding me here. I quickly progress away from this presence and suppress the thought.
Another door and I can hear some people and smell food. Great, I think, an opportunity to taste some food in a LD.
It looks like a cafe. They have some deep-fried stuff and some big fried balls, maybe eggs. I ask if I can get something and they tell me to wait in line.
I start remembering that I was just sleeping and only have my sleeping clothes and no money with me. That sounds like a problem. I have an idea to check my pockets but no money they - only an old, used, paper tissue. I try again and try to really believe that I have money but again, nothing there.
It's my turn and I say that I want something to eat but have no money. They obviously think I am crazy. I ask them if they can give me something again but people around laugh, thinking I am some poor student.
I leave the room, feeling embarrassed. Isn't it stupid, that I have to pay in my own dream?
I try spinning around to leave the scene and change the scenery but I only crash into an automatic door and hurt my arms. Which is even more embarrassing.
Then there is a huge hall, like a railway station or something like that. There are people - many of them - hurrying somewhere, everyone going somewhere and there's too many of them and I am still disoriented after crashing into that door and I don't know what to do.
Suddenly, there is my ex, S. He says: "You are someone I used to have sex with a lot" and I say "You are someone I used to have sex with a lot" too and we hug and start to make out.
I tell him "this is my dream" and he says "no, this is my dream". I say "I don't believe in shared dreaming" and I think that means that one of us has to be lying. And it has to be him because I know I am dreaming. Or is it possible to be in someone else's dream? What if this is really his dream and this is the reason why I lack control?
I notice that his face has changed. His hairs are now short and his face is different. And he feels like someone else. Is this some shared dreaming trick? I ask him why is he looking different.
I wake up.

Finally, some time to catch up with the DJ here.
No lucidity this time but I am including this because the dream - daydream confusion is somewhat important to me.

dream comment

O and a lake
A dream about my friend O and a frozen lake. Trying to cross the like and worrying about the thickness of the ice.

A&P
My friends, A and P, have a bunch of rings, some are their wedding bands, some are other rings, we talk about them. There is a stone, blue and gold, with a labradorite-like effect, very heavy. I like that.
In this dream, I think it is a daydream and not a dream. Later, I realize this was a dream.

Grandmother
I am with my grandmother, in her garden. There are some weeds. I am thinking about possible spaces for planting roses.
I think this is a daydream and not a dream.
Then we go inside and I log my previous dreams (O and a lake, A&P) in my DJ.
For some reason, I don't wear any top. Some girl wants to see what I am writing but I tell her it was personal. But I show it to her anyway.

Gravel road
I am lying on a gravel road, trying to sleep. I decide there is no point in trying to sleep. I decide to log my dreams.
Then I go down the road.
And again, I think this is a daydream!
There is a blanket and my husband and I sit next to him and think about my dreams. I remember I forgot my DJ up on the road but forgot it after a moment.
Right next to us, there is a house and a door and I get inside with some female DC. It is a house of someone rich and important but they don't live there anymore and artificial intelligence is caring for the house. The girl DC let them to serve us and care for us. We are there for days or weeks (it doesn't feel like that but it the knowledge behind the dream).
Then we are outside again and they catch us and someone is surprised by our behavior.
I slowly wake up from this, struggling to believe it was a dream, but remembering that I already logged my dreams twice!



And another one on 3rd April

I am trying to VILD. I imagine drawing numbers and colouring them. Then I daydream about being an apprentice of a master of drawing. But it doesn't last long.
I slip into a mi of short daydreams turning into dreams. I feel awake and aware of my surroundings but I don't realize that some daydreams fully turned into dreams.

Sex
I am in a room with some people/friends. I am wearing my nightie only. T touches my breasts under the nightie. I tell him that I don't mind him doing that but that I don't like not having control over it (basically, that I want it and he should continue but I don't like him not asking).
I snap my fingers and all other people in the room disappear, it's just two of us.
I love that. I think how cool it would be to have this skill in a real dream, but this doesn't count because it is only a daydream.
Then we start kissing... and other things.



Notes
I don't know why I struggle with this. Maybe because I like to daydream and my morning daydreams with closed eyes can be vivid and look the same as dreams - at least to my half-asleep brain.
About the differences:
Visualization - completely conscious, needs to be maintained with a lot of energy, needs to be micromanaged.
Daydream - telling myself a story, it can be with our without a narrative over, usually with good visuals. It's part me, part subconscious. Me steering the whole thing but micromanaging isn't needed. It stops if I stop.
Dream - 100% subconscious, running on its own.

I used to think that when anything happens in my daydream which I didn't put there (a new object, a new scenery) that it means that it is a dream. But in fact, it is not stable at that point. It needs more to become a dream.
When daydreaming during hypnagogia, a lot can happen. My dreaming mind is usually trying to distract me by changing the scenery and changing things in my dream. It is OK to let it rather than trying to keep the focus... but it is then hard to stay lucid. This often leads to semi-lucid dreams. With a good chance of regaining the lucidity later.

One more note: My FAs are never in my bedroom. It can be a hotel room, random room, or just trying to sleep anywhere, like on the road. Fragmented low-quality sleep causes this type of FAs for me.

comment non-lucid lucid something else

11 am - accepting a package from a courier, using the bathroom
after 11 - MILD mantra, MILD visualization, continuing with VILD but my brain doesn't cooperate and I can't get it going. 2 fast cycles of SSILD but I can't focus anymore.
My brain continues to VILD on its own and doesn't want to go to sleep - there some part-visualization/part-dreams.

Formula1 racer
I am talking to someone who is a Formula1 racer.
I can't tell if this was a visualization/daydream or a dream. I think I was still active in it but the subconscious was doing a large part.

Very friendly girl
Suddenly a scene appeared. I was sitting behind a table and a girl with brown hair came and sat against me. I was holding a book and she asked if I didn't mind that the authors aren't lucid enough. I answered that I could understand for some of them but not the creative ones (or something like that, it didn't make much sense/was based on false knowledge). Then she got closer to me and started kissing me. I was screaming "this is a dream, this is a dream" in my head but nothing happened and it ended as suddenly as it started.
It felt more like a dreamlet than a dream. That dream feeling just wasn't there. But it was too sophisticated and too long to be a dreamlet. I don't know. Certainly not a fully formed normal dream.

I can't fall asleep.
Checking the time, it's 12 am.
Desperate, I ask my subconscious to just let me sleep.
I think there was some NREM sleep after this. Nothing conscious.

We miss you, Grandma
There is a scene forming around me. I see it forming and my first thought is "I am not visualizing this" and the second "this has to be a dream".
I sit on a bed in a room with the bed, a table and kitchen cabinets. It is supposed to be my first adulthood flat but it looks more like my childhood home. Everything is extremely blurry and quite dark but I can feel it is stable. I touch the bed and feel the texture and the vision gets slightly better, there are two very blurry circular spots in my vision.
There is my dead great-grandmother next to me so I think at least use this low-quality dream to hug her. I hug her and tell her "I love you very much and we miss you, grandma". She strokes my hair and says "My IndigoRose". I ask her if she liked how my grandmother (her daughter) refurbished the flat. She said she liked it but was worried about her. And we talk about my grandmother getting old.
Then I go to the kitchen sink (which is also a toilet?) and help with washing some vegetables there.
It gets blurry again and I touch a chair and feel the grain of the wood. It helps but my vision is weird - with vertical strips of blurriness and with gaps. Slowly, it gets better but I am confused, forgetting where I am. I say "this is still a dream", actually realizing that and clearing my confusion. There is my brother on the bed and because he has heard me, I repeat "this is a dream" but he stares at me blankly and says nothing. I show him a finger in the palm RC but it doesn't work, my finger doesn't go through. I laugh but I still know it is a dream. I do nose plug RC and I can breathe easily. I tell him: "You see, I can breathe" but he is not impressed.
There is a woman sitting on a chair next to the door, she is supposed to be a family member but I don't know which one. She has a big black spot on her face and I wonder if dreams do that.
I don't know what to do, I am thinking about jumping from the window and flying and I expect to fall and wake up and decide that this dream isn't good for trying it. I am also thinking "what if this is real?".
Then I hear my nose wheezing IRL and I expect to lose the dream but it is still stable. I try to clear my nose which I can do and the dream is still holding. But my real nose is still wheezing. I am annoyed by this dream and decide to wake up.
Which I wanted to do anyway in one of my dreams to prove my lucidity to myself. So at least this is one goal done.

I finally had my first Lucid dream after 2 and half month!
I am so happy, even though it lasted 10 seconds. It was a cool experience.

It was vild like method combined with the wild method.
My dream did go like this:

I was visualizing my scene, and suddenly after seeing my sister eat dinner, I was on a bike, and I rode at full speed through the city. I did A RC while being on the bike, (a nose RC) and it worked! I could breathe in.

Happy inside, I rode on my bike a little more, and then wanted to fly and leave my bike behind. But at that point I woke up..

I couldn't fly, but it was still amazing, I knew I was dreaming, and I really felt the wind through my hair, and the speed of my bike.

I hope I'll get more LD's, and a little longer then this<3

D1: Lucid- I was in this luxurious house where I murder had been committed. There was a dead woman. I was consoling a friend that I don't know in my waking life but I became lucid & because I felt so connected to her I tried to find out more about her. She was hysterical. I was also looking around the room looking for hints of any kind due to the familiarity of the woman.... I woke up briefly due to a power surge in my home. My neighbors pulled down a power line which switched off our new central air & other electrical devices. I got up to pee & turn the our fans back on but came back to bed because I just thought it was a fluke surge.

D2: Lucid- I had just came back to bed & immediately started my dream state again. I was in a radio studio giving an interview with the same woman I felt I knew which made me intensively lucid because she was just in my last dream. It was about the murder & a house that burned down. I was confused about the house burning down. I had said something to my friend & to the listening viewers into the radio microphone. Suddenly I hear crying. I look next to me & my friend was now 2 chairs over & an older woman was between us & crying. I felt it was my fault & was apologizing to her because I was referring to my friend & was trying to tell this older woman this. My friend had her arm around this woman but I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness & started to cry. I think she was the murdered woman. I woke up crying with a strong sense of grief.

D3: Lucid- I fell right back into the dream from an awake state so I started this dream lucid of course. The scene changed where I was standing behind a house & behind this house was one that was burned down. My friend was there again.... I started to utilize the state of the dream & said we should start to rebuild the house. I had started to use my mind to move some of the rubble to begin the building process. But my friend was saying we couldn't do this without a permit so we started a conversation about this when I was awakened again because of the electricity issue in real life. My son had come into my room. Hence my dream was over before I could finish the house project.



I spent the day using mnemonic method. Also a new visual of technique in particular that I've been doing over the last week where I look at myself in the mirror & close my eyes while holding the visual of my own face in the mirror.... I read you can only dream of people you have seen before in your waking life which in turn if you have not seen them in this lifetime they could be from a past life, alternate universe, duel reality, or parallel plane. If I was to take a guess to which this one would be it would be the parallel plane or duel reality...... I recently read a book that told of the "ether". It's what Buddhist's belief system & many other cultures who have a strong ability to astral travel talk of. I've also been doing the exercises to that allow you achieve such goal. It's a very interesting concept & my meditation practices are growing stronger due to these exercises.... I was able to achieve a number of techniques over this night which I'm really excited about.

v-wild, vild, chaining, lucid, deild chain, familiar people, non - lucid, ada dild/self awarenss, meditation technique



Non-Lucid-Green
Lucid-Red
Side Notes-Purple
Astral Projection/AP-Brown

January 22, 2010

Synopsis: I transform the hypnagogic imagery of work into a VILD

Night Time Note: I went to sleep at 3am. My abstract dream of the night involved a funny slot machine that had a built in chat room and forum. It was in the back room of work, and I remember 'H' was also using it. I played one of the slot machine games and won $20. When the machine spat out my $20, it got all dirty with mashed potatoes. The telephone then wakes me up around 7am.

I try to go back to sleep, this time to VILD. My biggest problem was everyone was ruining my morning! Sis kept making noises, kitty kept wanting to go in and out of my room. It wouldn't be until almost 9am until theres enough peace and quiet.


My half VILD
Well maybe being up for almost two hours helped me this time around. Because after nearly two years, I was finally able for the first time to focus on my HI. Rather than deciding to take charge and create my own dream scenery, because that hasn't worked lately, I just let what ever my mind imagined surface. And now I can see why imagining my own dream scene hasn't worked! All of my HI, all of it, was work (art supplies) related! At first there were simple things. A pencil. A sharpener. Every time the image would surface I would say in my head "pencil" or "sharpener". This kept me awake, and allowed the HI to develop more.

I started to see more and more and more of work. And I tried to interact with the HI. Like holding the art supplies in my hands. Yes, it was boring work. But I actually welcomed it. I've been down this route before so I know transforming the work-HI into a dream is actually pretty easy. I welcomed it! I imagined costumers with baskets. Then I tossed the baskets, and tossed all the items of the basket, and put the basket back on top of the costumers head - and sent them on their merry way.

BEEP! I heard my first HI noise! It's the sound of items being rung. Ugh..not pleasant, but it's something. Then I heard the crumbling of paper. It sounded so real I almost lost my HI completely. Focusing back on work I was able to repeat the sound of crumbling paper. Soon I heard familiar voices, the gruntings of my boss 'J'. Really, I'm excited! It's been so long since I've been able to hold onto an HI like this!

I'm able to sort of move around in my environment, check out the aisles a bit. Now that I've gone through the images of work, my HI begins to change. I can imagine my own bedroom now. I can even go up to a mirror, and examine myself. Hoping that staring at my own reflection can somehow induce the dream state. My body is starting to feel heavy, though I wish the sensations of my body would completely go away. There are random dream characters now. I can talk to them.

I go outside to a parking lot, and I can see some trees in the distance. But I can't fly yet. I can still barely move around and keep this whole thing stable. So I try to feel the asphalt, but I still have no sensation of touch. Unable to do much outside, I go back inside to my bedroom, to stare at the mirror again. The image of a strange girl flashes in front of me. "Are you my subconscious?". The mirror responds with coloring itself with random splotches of paint. I ask another dream character if she was my subconscious. She smiles and says something I can't remember. And just when I think I'm about to enter the dream state, I wake up.

It's 10am now. I think my REM period is over . If only I hadn't lost those two hours just tossing and turning I might have taken my VILD attempt much farther!