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Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

2018-11-18 The first of the four dreams occurred during the night, in response/preparation to our dream workshop during the evening and the interpretation round this morning. They occurred in the wake of an Ayahuasca ceremony which took place on the Friday, which for me were heavily themed around (A) the practice of acting/doing what I felt like, risking to provoke and loose standing from my friends and (B) learning to see under and past the emotional pain – that is not staring myself blind at the stuff that is troubling me, without ignoring it either, but allowing myself to see the broader picture.

Dream 1: Sexual fantasy turns to voice from beyond, which culminates in a brutal murder and forgiveness of inner children.

I am lying in the ceremony room, where a couple of us have gone to bed. Nala and I are starting to make out and she starts inviting to sex. I am thrilled, yet I don’t quite do anything about it. Eventually she calls out to Mads something along the lines “Mads I am trying to have sex with Dennis, but he doesn’t really seem to want to go along.” I quickly respond “Yes, Yes I do” and then we start having sex, she guiding me inside her.
The dream then changes. Now there is some darkness and a female voice is calling out to me: “This is karmic, I will meet you in the summer.” I think to myself this pertains to a soulmate or girlfriend to come and I pull her out of the shadows, so that now I am staring at a doll face, that doesn’t seem to have any real facial features except the contours of the doll face and some long blonde hair. I ask her if she can provide additional details of herself, at which point I look at the doll face and see that her cheeks round up a bit. Other than that nothing else happens.
I then parcour jump down into the basement, meant for parking cars. There I meet two boys, one is about 4-5 years old another is maybe 7-9. The young boy tells the older “This is where you did me wrong (or: this is where you annihilated me)”. The older doesn’t seem to quite understand, but then the story continues.
Then a 12-13 year old guy appears – there is no question that he is a bully and he is much bigger, both taller, more muscular and fatter, he has a distinctly malicious energy about his person - while the two aforementioned remain hidden down behind a corner. The big guys is there to bully and the 7-9 year old then pushes the smaller one out from behind the corner, he seems to blush and turn red around the cheeks while doing so.
As the youngest run out the Bully picks him up. As he picks him up he turns into a small baby of 6 months or maybe even smaller as in still a fetus. As soon as he has picked him up he walks over to a railing and slams the head of the youngest down into this railing. Killing him.
The youngest looks like a doll and I say something along the lines of “Ah it was a doll”. However then the scenario shifts about and from above the doll is seen lying on the ground, and it is clear that the Bully has killed the youngest fetus/6months old cold blooded.
The 7-9 year old is devastated and I am now back in my body and participating in my dream. It is clear to me that my reason for being there is that I must forgive the 7-9 year old, that is the karmic stuff the woman was talking about. I sit down with the guy and we both cry like babies.
I don’t think I have ever been so wrecked by guilt, disgust, anger, sorrow and empathy for the guy. It is difficult containing all these ambivalent feelings and focus on forgiving him, yet this is what I sit down with him and do.
Dream Ends.

Dream 2: Walking through a fairgrounds in the rain.

I am outside in a fairgrounds of some description. The atmosphere is holiday-like and I am walking around by myself, though there are many people around. I am walking past playful attractions, like a bouncy castle where I wonder if it is OK I am wearing shoes. I also walk past loads of food outlets – notably fastfood ones, like Sunset Boulevard and McDonald’s – and contemplate buying food, though I don’t in the end.
It starts raining, severely. I get drenched in my brown Polo shirt, which I received from a friend of mine about 15-20 years ago. I wonder to myself how I will manage being all drenched and I take off my shoes and find that they are completely soaked in and filled with water as well.
Dream Ends:

Interlude: Before going into the dreams that followed later this day it is worth while noting a few events that transpired. The reason being that heavy emphasis was placed on sharing and interpreting these above dreams before the following 2 occurred. Thus the following two dreams can be both expressions of the same primarily activated themes, but also responses to the interpretations that were carried out.

So I interpreted the first dream as essentially carrying a theme, which is best summarised as the relationship between various inner children. The narrative transformations provide some indications as to what the theme is about, I think.
The dream starts out as a sexual fantasy – which is both day residue, as we fell asleep together and both of us apparently experienced fear and confusion as to what the connection was all about, as well as a pinpointing of a challenge I experience in intimate relations (the fear of reaching out, making the first move and committing to expose myself through expressing desire and attraction) – that then transforms to a karmic message “This is about karma, I will meet you in the summer”, which is a dialogue with a “faceless” woman (which carries on a theme of recent where a veiled woman has made herself known, as well a running into “the guy who wants to remain hidden” on the same night in a different dream), which then leads to a display of the killing of the youngest child (4-5 years old, turns into 6 months/fetus) through the brutal action of the 12-13 year old, but guided by the 7-9 year old.
The intense emotionality, the supernatural aspects as well as the residual impact leads me to suspect this as a prospective dream, indicating that a dawning realisation of the interrelation between various “sub-programmes”. I suspect this is related to the connection between my fear of intimacy (which was prevalent with Nala) and my fear of promoting myself.
The reason I suspect this was that when I was discussing some of the potential meanings of these boys of various ages with Mads on the way back from the weekend the 12 year old reminded me of a time when I had a crush on a girl from my class (Djana), though I never really dared to admit it. I could admit it to myself, but I was afraid of admitting to it publicly, which has been a recurring story ever since. This theme of public displays of affection was actually activated as an element of conscious reflection during the breakfast, where I engaged with Nala in an intimate fashion.
So it is as if at least 3 of these 4 inner children are known to me. (1) Fetus//6 months old – pertaining to being abandoned (in the womb through smoking, alcohol consumption and potentially a polluted motivation of wanting to keep a hold on my dad, indicating a dysfunctional relation already then and the traumatic experience at 1,5 months old that I have talked to my mother about) (2) the 4-5 year old (The memory of getting punished for reaching out for food, being shamed and made wrong, as confirmed by my cousin who was in the memory) (3) the 12-14 year old (associated with being afraid to publicly commit to attraction and already at this point in time experiencing difficulty in expressing sexual desire or making the first moves. The 4th (the 7-8 year old) is so far unknown to me (it is the period of my life where I first discovered computer gaming, is the first that springs to mind).
In any case the notion around Djana becomes present in one of the following dreams.

Dream 3: How can one loose a space ship, well apparently it is because we forget how to look at the stars at night.

There is a vista of a city skyline in bright sunlight. I am overlooking this from the water, a river I think. Then a portal opens and a version of the starship Enterprise appears. Then another and another I think of up to 6 or 7 appear. They are all slightly different, with different details around particular the engines, but it is important and it is made known to me that these differences matter, as it is a proof that I am not “just seeing things”.
Then an alarm is sounded, or it is made known that we have lost a starship. There is a meeting of various generals from all over the world. Then a question is posed “How is it even spotted when it is hanging out there in the outskirts of the solar system in the darkness?” and an immediate, but also embarrassing answer (because it is so obvious) is posed. “Our allies (a different species) can walk in space and so can easily see spaceships in the darkness”. Then the Iranian general walks out to observe the stars and train his vision, but also do something of some description to retrieve the starship.
Dream Ends:

Dream 4: At a party, going home early to meet Djana, but is instead greeted by 6-7 aliens looking for Hude Dant – which I recognise as an obvious allusion to Hugh Grant.

I am out partying with my friends. I decide to rather quickly return home and here I hope that I will find Djana at home. When I return I notice a small car parking on the other side of the road. It is driven by a woman – who is sitting in shadows and whom I have an awkward feeling about – we have a history and she is somehow connected to picking up Djana or someone else. I walk in and am pleased to find that the doors are open and that there is a light on. I walk in and down to the basement, but can’t find Djana. Instead I find my laptop lying on the sofa.
Then a whole bunch of people walk in. I immediately know that they are aliens disguised as humans and that they are somehow connected with the previous spaceships (though I have no explicit memory of the previous dream, in this dream). There are 3-5 of them in the room and they are looking for Hude (or Lube) Dant, but I also know that this is a poor way to cover up that they are looking for Hugh Grant.
There is a scenario shift to a driving car with 2 aliens in it, where one has disguised itself as a Dane and another as a Swede. There is a statement that I should keep away from Copenhagen and that there is something funny about this disguised Dane speaking Danish. It is all connected to a greater mission of sorts.
Dream Ends:

Non-lucid – Notes – lucid – Interpretation – wake/dream visuals/visions

07-23-2013 -- Find myself playing video games with a grown up Jeff (childhood friend.) His joystick seems kind of sluggish, so he is hooking up a different joystick to play with, but it doesn't seem to work. He is just about to detach it when the screen flashes and I tell it him try it again. It seems it took the system a few seconds to recognize the new joystick. So we're playing this video game that involves shooting at robots and space ships and such in a sort of a maze-like building, and it is a game that I have never played before, so Jeff is kind of teaching it to me. As I approach the space ship and start firing on it, drawing it's attention to me, he explains that you have to hit the spaceship on the sides or behind with ten shots to disable it. Now he tells me! My weapon is almost drained from all the shots I am firing worthlessly at it's forward shields, and it is starting to fire back at me, and I am almost instantly destroyed.

We begin to play again, and this time I have a better idea what I am doing, but suddenly the game is gone, and this is now live. We are in a large room, perhaps 100 feet square, perhaps 100 meters, and maybe 30 or 40 feet tall. The space ship is in here with us, along with a lot of robots that are attacking us. This time I manage to get behind the space ship and fire on it, and I eventually manage to disable it, but I've almost drained my weapon, and am going to have to wait a while for it to recharge. Meanwhile I am being attacked by more and more robots, including ones with energy weapons, and one that advances on me, blowing large (perhaps about a foot in diameter) bubbles. If the bubbles hit me, they make me slippery. If they don't, they still land on the floor and pop, making it slippery. So whether he hits me or not, anywhere he has been becomes a dangerously slick surface.

The bubble blower has managed to grab my wrist, and is holding me, so it is easier for the rest of the robots to reach me, but I manage to twist free, and run for it. There seem to be more and more robots pursuing me through the room, and there is no sign of Jeff, so I look around and find a doorway in the west wall, right near where it intersects with the north wall. I run through and find myself in another large room about the size of the last one, but this one, instead of being wide open, is like a maze, with no big alien space ship, but lots of the robots wandering around, chasing me. I keep going through several of these rooms (I can only remember 4 or 5, but it feels like a dozen or so) generally alternating between a single large space and mazes, until I finally come into another room that looks almost identical to the first, including a large space ship in it. But everything is still.

I make my way south in the room and find a door like the one I entered my room through, and open it to find myself looking out at a classroom of late teens or adults (late high school or perhaps college students) and I am embarrassed about interrupting their class, so I hurredly shut the door, but might have just spotted Jeff sitting at the teacher's desk. As I start back through the room, I find the space ship and robots are now beginning to move, and I figure I have triggered them by opening the outer door. I realize Jeff may soon be bringing an entire room full of people after me, and also that, by solving the maze all the way through, I may have also provided that solution for the others. And I don't know if it will be all of us against the machines, or also against each other. I decide the safest thing to do is return to the room where I started, and already defeated the space ship, so I move to the top right corner and the door to the next room, and find myself looking at a straight run through all the rooms, with no maze passages. No idea where they went, but it makes it quick and easy to return to my starting space.

The area is a little calmer now. The space ship is still disabled, and most of the robots that were attacking me are now scattered throughout the entire maze. I fight a few more robots, including bubble blowers, and by now my weapon is recharged. Soon there are some others running around, and though they don't attack me, they do seem to be on a different team, so I figure they are probably Jeff's students. I find them moving a small, disabled vehicle (think the fast sleds that dropped off the rocket launching guys in the X-Men video game) out of the doorway to the next room, seemingly in preparation to seal the door, and I don't want to be trapped in here, so I rush for the exit to try and push my way through before they seal it off.

Meanwhile, I notice most of the others are wearing more and better equipment than I am, and wonder if they have earned it over the course of many skirmishes, or if they scavenged it during this game, and find myself thinking I should have broken into the space ship once I disabled it, and seen if there was any equipment within that I could have used. Oh well ... I'm still learning this. Most of the robots have now been destroyed, though some of the guys are still busy feeling up the chests of some of the female robots, while the ladies look on in disgust. There are some burgers available that seem quite thick, but not all that large around, but they take forever to eat, and are really, really filling.

Scattered throughout the maze are models of scientific principles, including the occasional tongue-in-cheek version. Instead of the five balls hanging from strings they have a full-size model of the cartoon floating around the internet with the five kids sitting on the swingset and the teacher standing to the side pulling one to the side, about to show conservation of motion or whatever the principle is. Somebody notices that I am not one of them, and asks me what I am doing here, and I am explaining my friend Jeff and the game, and they are also wondering if it is their professor.

One of the guys, who seems to have a bit of history, and a really good record (and a bit of an ego as well) is building a burger and is demanding to know where the mayo and the tomatoes are. He may be half-blind, because the mayo is right in front of him, but I think we're already completely out of tomatoes. Too bad, Mr. Attitude Guy!

October 11, 2011

regular lucid
WBTB that collapsed and was reentered as an accidental, unintentional WILD

I slept from 4pm till 7 pm. Got up, watched the TV, had dinner, glass of wine, read the DV - AL3ZAY's "My WBTB Lucid Dreaming Techniques & Tip For Re-Entering A Collapsed Lucid Dream" tutorial, forgott to RC all day). Went back to bed at 10.40pm, feeling sleepy.

Woke up at 11.35pm after 2 LDs - second was reentered, after first one collapsed, thanks to AL3ZAY's WBTB tutorial on reentering collapsed dream).

Regular dream: Coming to a friends house. Lots of people inside, some kind of celebration. Walking through many rooms, getting a bad feeling. Trying to leave, somebody is trying to stop me. Finding a window and floating out. (Since started reading DV, I fly very easily just floating, before had to put some effort to it).

Suddenly at my house. Hopped on a fence, realized I'm lucid. (First time that became lucid without looking at my hand). Started spinning to stabilize, but remembered, that in AL3ZAY's tutorial he spins to the left, so I changed direction and spun to the left. Licked the wall and ate a piece of a plant (didn't taste anything). Did RC finger through palm (my very first finger/palm RC. It really felt like my palm was from play-doh, strange feeling). Someone walked by my room and the footsteps woke me up. Dream mustn't have been stable enough, because also had not much clarity. Again, from the tutorial, I remembered how to reenter the dream. Stayed motionless with eyes closed. Started to have the strangest feeling of sinking into my bed really deep and keep sinking. I realized, somebody is screaming and woke up a little bit, when I recognized, that it was me screaming (silently), accompanied with a shrinking feeling). I let go of it and continued sinking into my bed. It was, as if my bed was 10 feet deep. Woke up on a sidewalk of a very busy town. I was excited and said Hi to a little girl, that was part of a larger group of people. She looked at me as if saying - get over it, you are not the first, and I'm getting tired of you guys getting so excited and talking to me. Behind me was a large area, looked like park/parking lot with a fountain, on left side was a big shopping center, in front of me was a row of tall buildings, and on the right side was a cathedral. All buildings were touching each other and looking crammed. I decided to walk towards the shopping center, but my idea was more to walk away from the cathedral. Then some nun bumped into me and I felt a pinch on my shoulder. People stopped and I was asking them what did she do. Then I was in different part of the town, less people, nighttime. I looked up and saw the moon. Decided to go there. Started lifting up. There were thousands of space ships, shuttles, satellites and stars were beautiful and there was so many of them. I started to cry from seing such a beauty. Then I woke up.

Regular dream: I'm in the dorm of my school. It's end of the school year and we are packing to go home for the summer break. Finding all kind's of different things. I asked my friends, if they don't want to come back and finish packing the next day, that I'll bring my car and it will be easier to move.