Thursday28th August 2014 Moon Cycle: 7% illuminated Waxing crescent moving from Virgo to Libra Tarot Card of Day: Queen of Swords Mayan Calender: White Electric Wind Dream I was frustrated and feeling slightly annoyed. Who wouldn't be, after being told that you have to pay for the food at a funeral service. At first i thought it to be some kind of sick joke to play at a funeral, but after my uncle confirmed i put the keish/cottage pie down and left the half hexagon lecture the ceremony was taking place. (Scene change): I find myself in an artificial wave pool in the centre a city that could be New York. A golden sandy artificial beach lines the shore, and fake rocks built into a wall create a surrounding perimeter. There's a small crowd out in the water and and mind my own business,duck-diving waves and catching the ones I can. My balance is wobbly, and I attribute this to not having surfed for a while. There's a few self conscious thoughts floating around in my head,worrying about how i look while I'm on the wave. Suddenly from the far wall of the wave pool I see many old high school "friend"s trying to throw rocks directly at me! "Get off of our turf!"they shout Angered by this, I'm overcome by the urge to pull the middle finger at them, but think twice.There's many of them,and one of me. Another real friend gets close to me from the wall and tells me to ignore them. Shortly after, the entire pool is drained of water. It was now apparently the kids under thirteens chance to surf,and everyone was to leave the water.
Dreamt that I went to my 6:15 a.m. conditioning class this morning, but I was unprepared and super self-conscious. I felt incompetent compared to the men's basketball team (who make up the majority of the class in reality), and I started emotionally beating up on myself for being "not good enough." I also felt self-conscious of my body, felt fat, and hated myself. I think the main theme here is the belief of being not good enough. I have been struggling with that since arriving at college. I feel like I'm one of the only sober (due to my addiction/alcoholism) people on campus, and because of that I feel disconnected emotionally from much of the student body. This translates into me not feeling good enough, as well as feeling lonely. My "addict" tells me that I'm not good enough to be friends with most people here because my sobriety will get in the way of a relationship. I know that's not true with the logical side of my brain, however the emotional side of my brain is strong right now. When I don't feel good enough on the inside, I usually have crappy body image on the outside.
Recent Comments
