Recent DJ Posts

This was a good one. I slept a ton and that helped a LOT. I’m gonna have to list everything out. This journal is also going to be a bit censored compared to my private one.

1) Shortly after descending into hypnagogia, I started getting some sleep paralysis vibrations and a feeling of rising into the air. I saw a flash of cool-looking patterns, but my eyes were shut, so I saw them internally. Lots of colors and swirls and dots, very technicolor, very cool. I saw a flash of a video game character's face for a moment, which I somewhat willed to be there. It really felt like I was opening another pair of eyes. I then woke up and had to get a drink of water. I had only been asleep for a few minutes. I was essentially lucid, but at a low level of awareness.

2) nsfw and censored.

3) I woke up and went into vibrations again! I had a creepy sleep paralysis dream where all these huge eyes were floating above me. But a white tiger showed up, a character from my fantasy world, and he rescued me with a mighty roar. Everything frightening disappeared. Unfortunately, I either woke up or fell completely asleep after that.

4) I had a brief non-lucid dream which was also nsfw. Man. xD

5) I heard a faint scream in the middle of the night. Was definitely from sleep paralysis and not real.

6) I might’ve had a dream of taking a freezing cold shower, or it might’ve actually happened a few days ago when I was showering during a laundry cycle. Can’t remember. Maybe both.

7) This one is going to be fun. It started with a dream that I was on a tropical island. I was running with some middle aged dudes and one of their wives who was pretty, flirty, tan with dark hair and thin, and was (nsfw and censored actions are here lol). At some point she was (nsfw actions again, holy CRAP subconscious what is WITH you lmao). Lots of moms with strollers at the beach etc. We then were at a high point somehow, just me and her at first, looking down at the whole island at the height of a descending plane. I could see rainforest, rivers, white sand, the ocean and waves, and super fancy resort huts. I then realized that my tulpa was there as well, holding my right hand while the dream character woman held my left. We engaged our hovershoes which we suddenly had, and DROPPED! Then we engaged the fuel and stopped just before hitting the ocean! I believe I thought “I’m in my fantasy world right now!” which is why I thought to engage my hovershoes. The feeling of freefall was amazing. So was it lucid -- no, but it wasn't normal either. I didn't believe I was on earth. I believed I was in a real fantasy/magical world, which allowed me to summon hovershoes at will, so there was probably some faint degree of awareness there.

8) Next: Straight out of dream 7, I woke up, but I was sleep-paralyzed. It was powerful enough that I tried to move my dream hand separate from my physical hand. Believe it or not, it worked. I wanted to open my eyes and lift my whole dream body out of my main one for an OBE but a) I had the feeling that I’d wake up if I tried, and b) I could tell that I was gonna project myself directly into my room instead of the universe I wanted to go to. I tried to see the white tiger again and he was definitely there, but then my hand started to feel weird and uncomfortable (it was curled funny when I fell asleep). Then I woke up fully.

9) I tried to AP again one more time, at like 8:15 AM when I should’ve been awake. I was trying this method where my tiger friend was going to yank me out of my physical body and ascend straight into another universe. Well I felt him biting me on my neck, not hard or painful at all, just like a mom picking up her baby kitten. Unfortunately, the sensation was strong enough that I woke up. It was really cool though. Actually my neck still kind of feels it which is weird because I've been awake for around 90 minutes now. :O

A set of recurring bear dreams.


Mid October, 2017

I was in a variation on my aunt F and uncle C's house where a party was being held. There were so many strange and quirky characters there that it felt more like an indoor carnival. In one room I met a woman who was the caretaker of a semi-trained bear. People took turns meeting the bear, warily, before leaving, fully amused by their encounter. It was a black bear, small as bears go but still large enough to do some serious damage if it wanted to. It followed me around in particular and it kept resting its head in my lap every time I sat down. Each time I would feel a little on edge despite its outward displays of affection. I was worried about making the wrong move and setting off its wilder instincts. After the fourth or fifth time I started to even feel annoyed, not wanting to have to stay on my toes all the time. The caretaker woman seemed to sense my annoyance and she came up to me saying, “It is a great honor to be chosen by a bear.” I wandered out of the room, thoughtful, but not entirely convinced.

***

Thursday Night, 11/7/19

See "The Jaguar Woman" entry.

***

Tuesday Night, 6/30/20

I was someone else, a man in his 40's I think, outside at the edge of a forest as dusk was approaching. I morphed to resemble my waking self. I began climbing a large arbor for some reason, treating it like a jungle gym. While I was up there, I discovered a baby elephant hanging from its trunk in the arbor I was climbing. I stared at it for a while, confused by how it got up there. It changed into a bear cub. Das showed up. He thought the baby bear was cute and wanted to pet it indefinitely. I began to think about the implications, however, and I started looking around nervously for the mother. It appeared to be alone out here, but I was still wary.

"We shouldn't have put our scent on the cub." I told Das, "The mother will smell us and get angry if she's around."

Das shrugged. "I'm not worried. Look! He wants pets!"

I sighed and edged my way down the arbor. "Come on." I said, trying not to be too loud, "It's almost night time, we need to leave the forest now if we want to get clear of wherever the mother bear is at." I started creeping quietly away from the arbor and towards a sparser area of trees.

Das shrugged again but reluctantly stopped petting the cub and trailed along behind me.

I started to hear sounds in the bushes and a low rumble, and I realized the mother bear had arrived. For a moment I picked up the pace but continued to try to be as quiet as possible, hoping we might somehow get away before it finished locking onto our location. I searched my mind for what to do in case of a bear attack, and I remembered to play dead. The mother bear showed herself, blocking our path. I realized we weren't going to make it. The bear roared angrily and charged at us, knocking down Das first. Then she ripped into me (which didn't hurt as much as one would expect) and I got to see my intestines, right before my right eye was detached from its retina and everything went dark. I woke up. "Damn it Das..." I said out loud.

***

Thursday Night, 11/5/20

I'm talking with my parents outside on the deck when an adolescent black bear wanders into our back yard and we notice it has an abscess on the right side of its head. My mom wants to go over to it and treat it. I'm also worried about the bear's health, but I do not think it's a good idea to go up to it like that. I suggest maybe calling a wildlife center instead. "I have some leftover antibiotic ointment from when the cats were sick, I'll go get it!" My mom says and goes back into the house. My dad laughs at us and goes back inside to the other side of the house.

I follow my mom and try to get her to reconsider, but she doesn't listen to me. "Well, here it goes!" She starts heading back outside with the ointment.

"Mom, no!"

My mom jumps a little, startled. "Ah, you scared me!"

"You should be scared, it's a bear!" I look away for a moment, wondering about the wildlife center idea again, but when I look back I see that my mom is way out in the yard heading towards the bear.

For whatever reason I decide I have no choice but to do things my mom's way now. The least I can do is try to mitigate the danger so she doesn't get attacked... But this is probably a bad move. I head outside and my mom is scaring the bear towards the fence and towards me. I'm worried it will feel cornered. I backtrack a little and grab a bag of cat treats as it's the only thing I can get to quickly. I manage to get the bear's attention with the food, tossing a handful of treats on the ground in front of it to distract it. My mom comes up behind the bear with the ointment. The bear finishes the treats very quickly so I keep having to scramble to get handful after handful ready. I'm worried about the gaps of time where the bear might get aggressive. "When I say stop, stop until I can get more treats." I tell my mom, convinced the bear needs to be distracted with the process eating to not notice her. It's a dubious plan to begin with but I'm clinging to it.

My mom is applying the ointment to the bear, but I'm struggling to get the next set of treats out of the bag. The bear is slowly starting to look up. "Stop." I say. My mom does not stop. The bear looks directly at me with dark black eyes. "Stop, stop." I say again. Still no response from my mom. I imagine I can see impatience developing in the bear's expression, although it's hard to tell. "STOP!" I'm trying not to be too loud, but I'm starting to panic. I finally get the last of the treats out of the bag and toss them on the ground.

"Done!" My mom exclaims cheerfully.

"Mom, get inside, quick." I say anxiously. I make sure she makes it inside while the bear's still eating, then I go in myself and close the screen door first. Why am I bothering to close the screen door first? It's not going to stop a bear and I'm wasting time... I think and close the sliding glass door as quickly as I can. I can see the bear standing in the yard, eyeing the bag in my hand as if annoyed there are no more freebies.

***

Monday Night, 11/23/20

I'm in a building I don't recognize. My dad is there and says something very mean to me, although I can't remember exactly what it was or why it happened. Rather than feeling hurt or scared, I suddenly feel a deep anger come up as the full implication of the words sink in. "I am not stupid." I yell powerfully. My dad disappears but I yell it again. It seems to be irrelevant that no one is around anymore. I can see out a window onto the unfamiliar street outside. It's night time and raining a little. I still feel the anger, like a raw energy. I open my mouth and a bear's roar comes out, a guttural rumbling. I stop, confused at the ability to make such a sound and feeling self conscious, thinking people will think I'm weak for being too emotional and sounding ridiculous. Then I decide I don't care, even if anyone was around to hear. Twice more, I let out the bear's roar which resolves into a more human sounding scream. The dream fades.

Early evening of September 21, 2018. Friday.

Reading time: 1 min 56 sec. Readability score: 64.



During an evening nap, I slip into typical VSC in which I had borrowed a truck from someone unknown. I drive along in an unfamiliar neighborhood but with no focus on its unfamiliarity. The sense of movement, which begins my dream, is vivid throughout.

I stop near an unknown residence where two unfamiliar women are present. For no reason in particular, I ask the oldest one if she would like to return the truck to its owner. She seems slightly puzzled. I tell her how he only lives about a block away. We talk in a friendly manner for a short time, but I decide to return it myself.

I start to roll forward down a slope (a common VSC factor in dreams since early childhood) without driving, but I maintain control of direction with the steering wheel (and non-lucid dream control of VSC). I feel good. The street illogically becomes part of a big warehouse.

As the vehicle rolls into the big warehouse and turns to the left, I see that the street turns off ahead to the right at about ninety degrees, but an internal warehouse wall blocks the view of it.

I hear a loud roar, reminiscent of that of the MGM lion. A strange vehicle approaches from the opposite direction. It resembles a steam shovel without the cab and with the boom mostly vertical. It seems to be on a rolling platform. I get the impression of rails guiding its direction. The small bucket may serve as its “head.” Its “face” is blank and dark, reminding me of the essence of a television that is not on.

As it continues to move towards me, I realize the truck I am in no longer has a roof. It now seems like a military jeep. I have no fear at all (even though I am only liminally becoming lucid) and look forward to jumping up, grabbing, and crushing this “creature,” (as soon as it lowers closer to me) which may be a robotic maintenance vehicle for the warehouse, but instead, I spontaneously wake before it arcs down.

---

VSC personification as the unknown older woman but then choosing to initiate the transition myself was almost like ad-libbing. It even felt as if I was randomly doing such as part of a self-directed stage play. Perceiving the emerging consciousness factor (though still dominated by RAS) as an “empty” television (as in my “Kingdom” novella of 1990) may stem from recently watching more television than I have in years, though still not as much as many other people. I have not perceived television as a “monster” since before I met Zsuzsanna, though even so, I held no fear here, only the desire to crunch the machine, with a sense of certain (automatic) victory.

A warehouse serves as a representation of leaving the liminal space of the dream state, typically the last setting of a dream.

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