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30th July 2020

Dream: (DFLN thread) ^{(self-memo: be sure to re-read Sageous comment and my own reply)}

Was at some therapist's office. Looked to be a typical rented office space. I went in and saw a doctor "Hodstatdr Lester" ^{(note, this is my original spelling in the original entry)}, he insisted gently that I call him Lester.

He was a well-built man, with a mostly round head (bald?) and with a deep voice. He wore glasses.

We sat opposite each other on identical chairs. Lightly stained pine frames with blue textile cushions (deep blue?).

He began by asking me what he could help me with and by saying remarking something about whether or not it would be worth our time, mutually.

I talked for a little bit, I don't have a recall of the specifics but then I said I had two unresolved phobias. He seemed to nod compliantly and asked me to go on. I remember thinking about what I wanted to say, and then saying it, an unusual process for me during conversation.

"Well, one of my phobias is what's on your shirt." I said
"Pockets?" He said with a look of surprise.
"No" I replied, making a motion with my index running along my sternum.
"Ah, you mean buttons" He replied.

I interrupted with "Yes" because I had(have) an aversion to even saying the word at times.

"Well, you have a [unintelligible prefix]-phobia" He then stated.

I also had in mind that I wanted to talk about another unresolved phobia. But oddly enough I couldn't remember what it was (and still can't).

In any case, I said that this phobia name sounded familiar, and just as we were about to start discussing it, I woke up.

Original notes:

- While I felt like I could trust him, hesitantly, this feeling was mostly further compromised by the fact that the chairs were oriented in a way that made him be slightly my left and I to his right. This could have been corrected easily when I sat down, by simply turning the chair in a different angle.
- In addition, the room was large. 6x6 mtrs or so at a guess. But apart from our chairs it was a completely empty office. The floor was carpeted?
- Finally, there were two windows. One behind and left of the therapist (from my pov) and another one out of sight in the far right corner of the room. It was day time and so the two windows were the only light sources.

Scraps:

Mentalist dream, something about young children getting their fingers stamped with hot seals? This was part of some imagined thoughts at some point.

Something about being in my old home's kitchen, the light was on. Absence of light and darkness from outside. Odd. Mom and T were in the kitchen? Something about cooking, and then a bat flew in and mom notified us, after I'd already spotted it. It was light brown in colour, caramel coloured even.

One of the very first dreams? Was in a tank in some place near a warehouse and I was shooting civilians with tank shells, because they were being uncooperative somehow. I remember troops on foot scattering from a rear formation to take control of the civilians and the immediate area.

1st July 2020

Fragment:

Long dream but recall up to this point was poor. About halfway in, I was going through a busy-ish city centre with some other dream character walking along with me.

Then a very obvious dream sign appeared, a tall woman in labcoat, walking away in a different direction, possibly wearing nothing else. She had flat and very black hair, reminding me of one of my cousin's hair or come to think of it, a sort of Cleopatra hairstyle?

I recognised the dream sign and checked the fingers on my right hand, but for some reason I didn't realise I was dreaming and I didn't make further checks. Something about my fingers seemed distorted but the number was correct. I didn't remember to do any physics checks oddly and I think I was also distracted by whatever my previous dream objective was.

Later I either had a micro awakening or another pre-lucid moment during which I automatically reflected on what had happened and how I'd been unable to realise I was dreaming, but again not realising this irony.

(Missing recall)

Different part of the dream. I was somewhere kind of dark. Some dream character was showing me something? Then some of this characters pet spiders appeared on the ground out of nowhere, individually one after another, there were only a few though. But for some reason in the dream I let my phobia sort of return and take a small hold of me, mostly because of the first spider. It was a black and yellow/gold patterned orb weaver, about the size of a large hand. Even in my temporarily panicked state I realised that it seemed more afraid of me, but I couldn't shake the feeling of unease.

(Missing transition)

Another part of the dream sequence where I was at some modern-ish looking house. I was not myself, but a character for the dream plot. I was some kind of elemental creature but I don't recall any details of my form or appearance. There were four other humanoid creatures of similar elemental nature. There was an absent character that had created us and one of the other creatures had been created right in front of me. She appeared in a cloud of white smoke within a glass room, which I was standing outside of. The glass enclosing this "room" made it more like a container or cell of sorts really.

---

Notes:

- This dream was a particularly good pre-cursor to the lucidity I had later on (4th August).
-- At this point I had been becoming more diligent with my reality checks but not quite so much just yet. Currently at the time of writing (13th August) I am far more diligent with my RCing though there are still situations under which I should be checking but still am not quite so often.

- My primary issue with my RC was really the fact that I gave up on the first try but this was made much worse by the fact that the dream itself caused distraction from my RC procedure, something that I'm a bit more careful.

- The bit with the spiders was somewhat unusual in that I haven't been letting this affect me at all in waking life but it may have been around the time when I've seen bigger ones around the house more recently.
- This was the first dream with spiders for quite some time now, I think.

Dreamt I was trying to stop not one but to gushing taps, of water (this is phobia of mine). I spend ages trying to get them to stop and eventually do but am wary that they will start again.
I think this relates to fact that not just me but others are overwrought wit h emotion at the moment (my daughter was crying buckets).

Laying with a generously proportioned lady I start to make out sleepily. It is still dark.

I am trying to tune into a radio station on a harry potter radio. At the front of the contraption there is a basket, each new channel brings a new set of clothes in the basket: huffel puff scarf, jumper etc

In a house a baby has escaped down a hallway and made its way into the bathroom where it climbs up to a window. There are bars on the window but it is still worrying.

D1 - Staying in a vast room, it is the size of a warehouse with very heigh ceiling. The space is filled with mattresses, like minecraft blocks. I am most appropriately sleeping there.
I cannot get off to sleep however as there is a fox roaming about, also possibly some other creatures.
I decide I need to pee and get up and start climbing the mattresses to the other side, near the way in where I know there are some washing facilities.
Only trouble is when I get to the other side of the hill of mattresses I find a sharp slope, and I slip slide helplessly to a massive gap. A drop so far down , probably the equivalent of about five floors up but due to the fear invoked seems like bottomless.
I fall and fall and fall, I feel to my certain death. However my fall is broken by a metal grid to one side.
My leg is mashed and cut by the collision but my descent is slowed and I land in a crumpled heap unconscious.

WBTB

D2 - I am in a desert and am deciding what character I should be. I decide on a guy who is unshaven and wears a kind of a poncho, he is skilled in martial arts. I also need to collect a selection of people for my group. This process goes on and on as I make different selections.

D3 - I wake up in a sunny bedroom, the bedroom is shared with many children but is empty now. I move to the breakfast room, which has a massive (again lol) wooden table, filled with breakfast plates and bowls and loads of bacon and eggs and other foods. Only one child is there, she has blonde hair and wants me to eat but I am not hungry, in fact I feel nausea.
Outside in the garden, my father has a giant swimming pool and is filling it with water. In the dream my phobia of not being able to turn off water returns and I spend much time worried about this.

I thought my phobia had disappeared or weakened but it seems I may have somehow suppressed it?? Is that even possible with a phobia.

Creepy, scary bugs:

I was out on the balcony and noticed a few centipedes, which were a bit larger than normal ones. I found them a little creepy. However, worse things were to come. When I went out on the balcony after a while again I noticed an even larger centipede (must have been 30 cm long and was rather thick). I got a bit of a shock and also felt disgusted. This centipede started climbing on the metal plates on the balcony. After having climbed a couple of decimeters or so it stopped and turned its head towards me... It had a gross opening which must have been its mouth. It made some kind of hissing sound and seemed to prepare to launch itself towards me. I stood there and began feeling rather anxious and did not know what to do. At the same time my mom walked out on the balcony. I pointed at the weird, mutated centipede and said something. My mom then grabbed it and threw it off the balcony, into a pillar which stood there. When it collided with the pillar a kind of cracking noise was heard and then it fell down on the lawn. However, I was sure it was still alive, since it seemed to have such a thick shell. I felt relieved that it was gone and joked a bit with mom about the creature. I told her that it had reminded me a bit of the dragon Mushu from Mulan when she threw it. Also, I said to her: "I don't think it will be lonely for long, though..." . She agreed and we meant that since "he" was such a large and strong bug he would probably find a partner rather easily.

Shortly after this incident I went outside. I saw a neighbor family approaching (two young parents with two small kids) with their stroller. At the same time I noticed a wasp flying towards me. I got a little frightened (due to my bug phobia) and even more so when the wasp flew even closer. I started hyperventilating and tried to remain still as it flew around me. After a short while I opened my eyes. To my horror it was not gone, but was sitting on my left hand. I tried to remain calm and hoped that it would not sting me. I wondered how painful it would feel if it did and thought to the wasp "please don't sting me, please don't sting me...". Then it appeared to start teasing me, because it moved around, seemed to prepare for the sting, changed its mind and so on... The family with the stroller had gotten even closer now and at the same that I was frightened, I also amused myself with the thought that I could pretend in front of the family that I was seriously allergic to the wasp's sting and therefore was in grave danger. Maybe they would not find it weird then if I looked really frightened.

Fragments:

* I see myself naked from behind and I see that I have extremely long, thick, frizzy hair growing from my butt. I feel very surprised, but then just depressed. As I am looking at it it is growing even more. I am disgusted by myself because of this and think that I remind me of an ostrich or something...

* I get an SMS from my supervisor, where he expresses some positive feelings about my work. I read it two or three times and to my surprise the text changed a bit every time. However, the main meaning of it was still the same and it remained positive. He had also put some smileys and thumbs up-symbols in it.

* I am writing down some of my dreams in the notebook next to my bed (rather much text with details), but some of the dreams I wrote down, I realised after having awakened, I had not even had.