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I had another dream where I was riding between my mom and sister in granddads old reliant that was set when he was dying.

In this dream, me and my sister were out of school and mom was going to drive us to the mall. Me and my sister were both ready to go and mom told us to go ahead and get in the car.

My sister grabbed the keys and then I followed her outside where granddads old tan reliant was parked in our driveway. My sister then unlocked the passenger side door and told me to scoot over to the middle since it was her day to choose where to sit. I the sat down on the tan vinyl bench seat and moved over to the middle seat. Once I fastened the tan lap belt around my waist after my sister told me to, she closed the passenger side door and took the keys back in the house to mom.

Soon she was opening the passenger side door and then sitting down in the passenger seat and then closing the door and fastening her shoulder belt. We then spent a while waiting in the car together until mom was finally locking up the house and then walking to the reliant and opening the driver side door and then sitting down in the driver seat next to me. She then started up the reliant and we drove towards the mall. I felt squished between my mom and sister and we kept passing cars with people I knew in them and it felt like they were all staring at us because I was riding in the middle and my younger shorter sister was by the window.

We were then driving by the nursing home where grandad was living and then mom was turning into the parking lot and then parking the car in a parking space. As the turned off the car, she told us she needed to stop by and check on granddad because they had called and told her he wasn't feeling well and may have to go to the hospital. She told us to wait in the car and then left us there to go and check on granddad.

Me and my sister than had to wait in the car and I had to deal with my sister wanting to talk about granddad and me trying to ger her to talk about other things because I didn't want to think about granddad not being around much longer. I woke up from this dream while we were still in the parking lot waiting from mom and having to keep listening to my sister talk about granddad and trying to get me to share my feelings.

I had a new dream last night involving my mom, sister, and granddads old reliant which is by far the most disturbing one I have ever had. This dream was set in the time when granddad was living at the nursing home in the final months of his life.

When this dream started, me and mom were in granddads old reliant. Mom was driving and I was in the front passenger seat. We were on our way to pick my sister up from practice for a play she was going to be in.

Soon we were pulling up to the community theater where my sister's play was going to be and where she was having the practice. Mom pulled into a spot in the parking lot and then told me to sit tight as she turned off the reliant and then got out to go and get my sister.

After I had been waiting in the car by myself for a few minutes, my sister was walking up to the passenger side of the reliant and then opening the front passenger side door and then telling me to scoot over to the middle seat. I looked behind me and saw that the back seat was full of granddads stuff and there was nowhere to sit back there and then pulled my feet up on the passenger seat to give my sister room to get past me and sit in the middle but she reminded me it was her day to choose where to sit and she wanted the window and I needed to scoot. I reluctantly unfastened the tan shoulder belt and then scooted across the tan vinyl bench seat to the middle and then fastened the tan lap belt around my waist as my sister plopped onto the passenger seat and then closed her door and fastened her shoulder belt. We had to spend a little while waiting in the reliant together because mom was talking to some other parents out in the parking lot.

Eventually mom was walking towards the reliant and then sitting down in the driver seat to my right. She started up the car and we pulled out of the parking lot and were heading towards home.

Mom was then pulling into the parking lot of the nursing home where granddad was staying. She told us she needed to stop by and check on granddad as she pulled into a parking space and turned off the reliant and told us to sit tight and stay buckled. I told her I wanted to see granddad and she told me she needed to see how he was doing and that if he was feeling up to it she would come back and get us. She then closed us into the car and disappeared into the nursing home.

Not long after she went into the nursing home, she was walking out of it and back towards the reliant. I was hoping that grandad was doing well and then we could go and see him, but as she was fumbling through her purse for the keys and then unlocking the driver side door I noticed she was shaking and looked really upset. She sat down int the driver seat, closed her door, and then told us granddad had been taken to the emergency room and she needed to go to the hospital and check on him. She told us she needed us to be quiet and then started up the reliant and drove it to the hospital.

When we go to the hospital, she pulled into a parking space in the parking lot and told us to stay buckled-up and then cut off the reliant and got out and walked towards the emergency room entrance.

Me and my sister then had to wait in the reliant for what felt like an eternity pressed up against each other in the front seat which was really uncomfortable. I was really worried about granddad and what was going to happen to him. I really didn't want to talk about it, but my sister did and kept asking me things like if granddad was going to die which made me really upset. She kept wanting for us to talk about granddad and I kept trying to change the subject because I did not want to share my feelings with my sister. The longer we had to wait in the car. the more worried I was getting that something was seriously wrong with granddad and that maybe he would not make it out of the hospital.

Eventually I heard my sister say "mommy is coming" and then I saw mom slowly walking through the parking lot towards the reliant where we were waiting.

I woke up from the dream before mom got in the car and had no idea how granddad was doing or if he was dead or alive. It took me a while to fall back asleep after waking up from this dream.

1. I dream I am working at a nursing home. I take care of an old lady, and take her to a doctor appointment, but forget to actually take her in to see the doctor. I send her off (to somewhere) and then remember that the doctor hasn't actually seen her, and start worrying that even though she is healthy she may have health problems that aren't so obvious... but there's no way to fix it without getting in a lot of trouble.

2. One of my less comfortable OBEs. I partially woke up, but my body was still 'paralyzed' and I was half asleep. I tried to settle down and catch onto a dreamlet or something. That isn't working and I'm not entirely lucid, so I try to sit up out of my body. My body "sticks" to me like it's glue, so I try to roll over out of it. I feel like I am tipping and sinking backwards into the bed. I am in the "wind tunnel". I start to panic, and after a lot of flailing around and struggling, I lapse back into unawareness.

3. I dream that there is a huge snowstorm and the whole city has shut down. The city I live in is one I've never seen before in my life. I go outside and start trying to shovel snow with everybody else.

4. I dream I am in a castle. I am moving through room after room. The floor has diamond floor tiles in various brown colors. I can get on top of the walls and run along them, and jump down into other rooms. As I am crossing a hallway, I see a mirror. Mirrors always make me lucid - I approach it, see my reflection, and 'push' into lucidity. Unfortunately, I'm sleeping too lightly, and it wakes me up (not a false awakening).

I grumble and roll over. A few minutes pass. Someone lightly knocks on my door, twice. I ignore it because if my brother is trying to wake me up on the morning I have a day off work, he's being a jerk.

Someone knocks on my door again, a little louder, twice.
I say "what?" but there's no answer. I get up and open my door, but nobody is there. I hear someone in the kitchen. I go into the kitchen and ask my roommate, "Did you knock on my door?"
She says, "No, I wouldn't do that."
My brother is asleep... my other roommate isn't home. My roommate verified that she was, in fact, making breakfast, and that I did ask her if she knocked on my door. Even though it was a hypnopompic hallucination, it still sounded very real, and was pretty creepy.

Review:
Last night was semi-productive, I guess. I'm having more lucids, but the quality has gone down. I don't think it's because I'm getting "worse" at lucid dreaming, so much as I am having a lot more lucid dreams lately and the quality will slowly improve again.

When I say OBE, I don't really mean that I believe it's an actual out of body experience. I mean that it's a specific kind of lucid dream I have where it feels like I am rising/rolling/whatever out of my body, and either end up in the void or end up in a facsimile of my bedroom, while my "body" remains in bed. I don't believe anything paranormal is going on, it's just a really specific kind of dream with a really specific feeling... and a specific set of challenges that I still haven't overcome.

Clues I was dreaming:
- I don't work in a nursing home
- We don't have blizzards where I live
- I don't generally wander around castles

I took 800 mg of valerian before bed last night. As often happens after taking valerian, I had some very unsettling dreams. Perhaps not so much what others would call nightmares, but so vivid as to be hard to go through.

Nursing Home

I go to a nursing home to visit my great aunt. She is supposedly suffering from Alzheimer's, but seems to be bright and talkative. In fact, she is almost a little overbearing. She keeps talking real loud, laughing, and telling stories. I wonder if she really has Alzheimer's, or is somehow cured.

Death of my Father

My father goes to a doctor's appointment. On the way, he calls me, and tells me that he is dying. There is nothing I can do to save him, as he is having a heart attack right on the spot.

For a while after this, the dream is spent in tears. This dream really felt like RL, due in part to the valerian supplement. I go home, and my mother informs me that they found my father's body. I say that I know. We cry together. After a time, I think that perhaps I should try to go on with life as usual.

I look up. My father is sitting on the couch. "Enough of this crying," he says. "What are we going to do tonight?" We look at him, and my mother says something about how loved ones will appear after their death when you are in mourning. He disappears, and I go back to crying. He shows up again once or twice, and appears to act like nothing is unusual. I know it is not real, though.

A little later in the dream I am talking with someone. We are discussing grief, and how I shouldn't cry too much. I bring up a part I read in CS Lewis' "A Grief Observed" where he talks about giving in to tears as almost a self-indulgant pleasure. I say that an honorable person should not do that.

Baseball

I am at a basebell game, watching the Cleveland Indians win some kind of championship game. They hit the winning home run, and it comes my direction. I am unable to catch it, and it goes out of the stadium. I get really excited about the Indians winning.

Still happy and excited, I walk down the street, leaving the stadium. I look at the yard of a house on my right, which is just behind the stadium. I see a baseball sitting in the yard, and can see a path in the snow running from the direction of the ballpark, as though it had landed and then slid across the ground before coming to a stop. I know that this is the home run winning baseball. I pull it over to me with my foot since there is a wooden fence around the yard and I don't want to trespass. I am about to pick up the ball when I realize that perhaps if it is in their yard it rightfully belongs to them. I debate about this, knowing that the winning ball will be worth something. I think that the honest thing to do is to bury the ball under snow, and send a letter to the owner of the house telling them that the ball is in their yard.