Original entry dated 03/20/2006: According to C, the other day (night) I had what we have come to call an 'episode'... I sleepwalk, I do it very very VERY rarely. I also talk in my sleep, a little bit more often (sometimes I can actually tell that I'm asleep and I'm talking in my sleep but I can't actually do anything about it). She was worried since I was going on 15 hours of being asleep. So she yelled toward my bedroom for me to wake up. My response was, apparently (I don't remember this) to get out of bed, walk from my bedroom to the couch, and lie down on the couch. Apparently I actually said a few sentences to her (she didn't say what) and went back to sleep on the couch. After a while, I got up off of the couch, and I was waving my arms and muttering/talking. When she asked me what I'd said, I angrily replied, "I'm not talking to YOU." and went back into my bedroom, lay down, and went back to sleep. This reminds me vaguely of an incident that I DO partly remember, about a year and a half ago. At some point, something startled me out of bed, I don't remember what. I remember a very loud, disorienting ringing/buzzing noise. I lived alone at the time. I ran around my apartment, panicking, unable to fully wake up (I realized that I was half-asleep but could not fully bring myself to consciousness - I could barely think at all), running in circles and throwing things around. I vaguely remember that I was searching for clothing to put on so that I could escape my apartment and run outside. Thankfully, two things prevented me from doing this: 1. I realized, even in my barely-awake state, that I was undressed (tshirt and underwear) and could not go outside in that state, and 2. I was too disoriented to find clothing, much less put it on, before the episode subsided and I crawled back in bed. I recall that it only lasted a few minutes (5, at the most) and that as soon as the deafening humming/ringing subsided, I went back to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I thought that perhaps the fire alarm had gone off, but upon asking my neighbors, they said that no fire alarms (including the smoke alarm in my apartment) had gone off the night before. My mother ironically suggested that I had been dreaming.
Original dream dated 02/19/2006: I had this dream that a whole bunch of people were back from the dead. Not zombies... just suddenly not dead either. Including my old pet cat, Abby, whom I loved more than anything on the face of the earth. However, all of the people who had returned were also going to die again soon. For some reason, in my dream, I thought that the best way to commemorate Abby's passing (and soon, her passing again) was to eat her remains. Hell if I know what goes through my head, it was a dream. Except that we put her in the pan and started cooking her while she was still alive, and when I realized "oh my god, what the hell am I doing?!" her paws were all charred and she was halfway cooked. She didn't seem to be in pain and she didn't seem to hold it against me, but I knew that she was going to die again very very soon because of what I'd done... my mom rationalized it by "She was going to die anyway" except that it wasn't good enough reasoning for me because it meant that she was going to die sooner than she would have died on her own... So anyway, I held my half-cooked cat for a while and cried. On to the next dream... So then I dreamed that there were 2 teams of people. All of them were female. One of them was 3 different people, and one of them was composed of a team of one person, cloned 3 times. The second team sat on top of some very tall poles and had little white explosive balls that bounced off of everything and anything. The first team's job was to get the balls from them. The second team got no weapons or anything at all, but their position was very secure. The first team got a whole bunch of gadgets and toys. So, the first team got really close - they had to because their weapons didn't have much range (one of them was a fan attached to a rope). The second team threw 2 of the 3 balls at them, which they managed to whack away from themselves with a flashlight, and the explosions the balls made were really big. The first team managed to kill 2 of the 3 clones, but the third one was impossible to get to. Finally, after talking with the clone for a while, it came down from the pole. It had originally been a girl, but now for some reason was a boar. The leader of the second team talked to the boar and told it that she wished that it could see something really beautiful so it would appreciate life. There was also a cat. The first teams' supervisor came up, and the boar was afraid of him, so it ran back up the pole. He wanted to talk to the cat, but the cat was also afraid of him. Then I woke up.
Sept. 2, 2003: I had this dream that my uncle had a fish-tank, only instead of fish there were hamsters swimming around in it. When I asked, "Aren't you worried they're gonna drown?" and he was like "No, they've lived in water all their life, they fell in there when they were babies". Then I dreamed I was in an office doing secretary work. There was some other stuff, but I've forgotten it already. Sept. 4, 2003: I had a dream, but I don't remember very much. My alarm clock went off and I hit the snooze button. Then I had a very realistic dream that mom called me on my cell phone, and the reception was really really bad, but I woke up halfway through the dream (so I know it was a dream). I've had weird dreams, and I haven't been sleeping well... I don't know why I feel so ill but I just can't sleep. I reached that state of overtiredness that isn't caused by a lack of sleep, so much as too much stress. I mean that state where you're actually almost hallucinating, and you're paranoid because you're jumping at stuff that you see out of the corner of your eye, but isn't actually there. And all of the freaky dreams don't help either. I mean, aside from the hamster-fishtank dream, I had a dream I was talking with Mom on the cell phone, but I had a nightmare too. I had a dream that I woke up and somebody was standing in my bedroom, but then I dreamed that I fell asleep again, or something. I know there wasn't anybody in my room, for several reasons. The first: my door was locked. I always lock and close my door when I go to sleep. Second, none of my roommates are like 6'3 or 6'4" tall and male. Third, it had that nice, surreal quality that makes you think "Hmm, I'm dreaming."
Night of August 25, 1977. Thursday. This is a description of the most intense fully in-body nightmare I have had in my lifetime (almost as vivid as a typical fully in-body lucid dream though I am not lucid in this one). Even so, possibly the only vivid in-body nightmare that had residual energies on my mood (in “coloring” my day) for more than a day or two as well as very realistic imagery and perspective. It seems to fit in with the idea of “anniversary” dreams. It relates to how my dog disappeared after I was in the hospital for a couple days a year earlier when he apparently ran off looking for me. It preferred my company over anyone else’s. It was a mixed breed but part toy spaniel and showed up at our house as a stray. No one had claimed him. In my dream, I find myself seeing the small dog sitting on the floor of my room in Cubitis. I am mostly looking west the entire time. I am very surprised and happy to see him, but something seems a bit “off” about the atmosphere or mood of my dream. I call out in an odd eerie sustained voice,“Joooe…” I pick him up and he seems small and vulnerable but then something completely unexpected happens. He jumps up from my arms and bites into my entire face somehow with a strange growl. I actually feel the intense pain sweep over my face and when I look down again, I can feel that some of his teeth are still in a few different areas of my face. I am still holding him much the same way at that point. He now looks quite savage…or at least as savage as a toy spaniel can appear, and I can see where several of his teeth had come out - and I also have a vague idea that this may eventually cause his death and so I feel additionally sad upon this fleeting thought. My face feels wet and hot. There is an intensity which makes it seem like a real event even after waking. However, it is not that logically rendered because, being such a small dog, he would not have been able to cover my entire face with his open mouth. This was actually one of the only dreams I had where he appeared after he disappeared in real life. Being an “anniversary” dream, it was unusually intense with regard to emotion and self-reflection. It was likely relative to the suppressed or “hidden” guilt I had concerning his disappearance and not knowing what happened to him (thus his in-dream behavior implies “the worst” if only in my imagination) even though it was not really my fault that I had to spend time in the hospital for a couple days for the operation on my right thumb. He was a “house dog” but this was the first time he just took off (on the second day I was in the hospital) when someone else opened the front door at my family’s house. This was also one of the only dreams that seemingly took me by complete surprise in its outcome.
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