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Me my mom and sister are in my half sisters room. We are sitting on the floor, suddenly the light goes out. I complain about how all the light bulbs are going out, and how we should really stock up on light bulbs. My mom says I know that's why me and zoeanne are going shopping today. I feel relieved by that. Then I see my mom splitting all the wood on my incense sticks. I yell at her and ask her what the heck she's doing. She tells me she thought it would be better because that's how my sister likes it. I tell her know the wood is to weak to even hold up the incense. I grab them all from her and put them in a cup. And try to light one.

Me and my sister are at my grandmas house, we're laying in our own sleeping bags getting ready for bed, and I'm fucking about on my cell phone and my sister is reading, my grandma is sitting on the couch and we all are laughing at the dog being cute and we feel happy, but then suddenly it's day outside, and my mom comes through the back door and tells us she's here to pick us up, I begin to gather my things when I hear my sister say she's going to stay another night, my mom seems shocked and annoyed, then she looks at me, and I contemplate going with my mom or staying another night at grandmas, I think about the possibility of spiders because spiders re crazy here, but I decide to stay with my grandma and sister, and my mom storms out the front door and me my sister and grandma go sit at the dining room table and just smile.

I'm walking into the house from being at my grandmas or something, like from a short vacation. When I walk in the house I see my dad walk in from the hallway. I instantly know he's been in my room. I become infuriated for my mom letting him in our house and he instantly tries to regain power of the house and us. I tell my mom to call the cops now I know he has no right but she acts like she's too afraid. So I go to my room and dig through stuff for some reason, then I hear him coming so I go to my door and shut it and lock it. He starts banging on the door, and brakes it in. Then he tries to make me back down, but I don't and tell him I'll steal everything right back. And I'll sell his shit as fast as he sells mine. He becomes enraged because he can't instill fear in me, so he pushed me on my bed and had this metal stick and stabbed it at my throat, i try to block it with my hands but it cuts my skin and he walks out of my room. I run out behind him and plea with my mom to step up again but she just stands there and smile, so I turn around and hear him digging in my room, then he walks out with some of my stuff and a stack of my money and he laughs at me telling me what he's going to do with it, but then I get up and grab the money and put it in my pocket and say the same things back.

(I haven't actually updated this journal for a few months, mainly because I fell back into my old ways of writing in a paper journal even though I promised myself I would stick to online journaling due to the tag and search features that I love. So here's my new year's resolution, to put down my notebook and use the internet I'm going to upload a few memorable dreams and my lucid dreams in the next few entries, just to have a bridge between the last few months and now. They won't be in any particular order since I didn't date them, I'll just label those entries as (undated older dreams #).)

(undated older dreams 1)

I was at a store with mom, and we found an area with lots of glass trinket cases that had neat items in them. The whole area was very pink and girly but I really liked the items there. There was a case with anime trinkets in it, mostly Hello Kitty and Pokemon, and a bunch of Team Rocket figures caught my eye. One of them I remember vividly was a figure of Jesse but she had the hair of Nurse Joy, and I thought it must be some kind of error and might be worth a lot of money, but then I saw this awesome as hell cat figure I just had to have. I picked it up and turned around to show it to mom, but she was nowhere to be found, so I put the figure down and debated whether or not I should stay there looking at figures waiting for her or if I should just leave to go find her. Eventually I decide to leave because there's this awkward tension between me and the salesperson and I got the feeling he thought I was trying to steal something since I was just loitering around. Eventually I ran into mom, and she told me to go get the cat thing, but on the way back to the case I passed by a giant RV sitting right in the middle of the store and get sidetracked by it. Going inside the RV, I noticed there were lots of small blinking red lights all over the floor, and whenever I picked one up it would make rude comments at me. There was a strange sound coming from the bathtub, but before I could check it out mom and grandma showed up at the door all freaked out and told me to drop the lights and leave the RV quickly. There was this feeling of absolute terror and I ran back out into the store, and froze when I saw this man sitting in an aisle with a blanket laid out in front of him. He had a human head in his hands and was cutting it up and laying it out piece by piece on the blanket and labeling the pieces with prices. He had parts like the eyelids and lips and bits of brain laid out and they were all blackish green with decay. As soon as I saw it I woke up feeling like I was going to vomit.

A lucid dream where I was sitting at a computer, and when I looked at my hands I noticed they looked strange and became lucid. As soon as lucidity hit, the whole dream froze like a paused DVD and I was unable to move. It faded until everything dissipated and I was floating alone in pitch black nothingness, so I willed myself to float upwards in an attempt to find something, but then my head started tingling like it does when I go into sleep paralysis, and I stop going upwards and start involuntarily spinning around in circles.

Not sure if this is related to the last one, but at some point I was laying in bed and stuck in sleep paralysis, and when I opened my eyes I saw a grey alien standing at the foot of my bed out of the corner of my eye. Instead of looking at it, I closed my eyes and tried to ignore it and push myself into a lucid dream, but then I heard this horrible noise coming less than an inch away from my right ear. It sounded like someone pigging out on food making an OM NOM NOM sound with their teeth, but it had this unnerving evil quality to it that kinda freaked me out. As soon as it stopped I had this small dream where I saw a clear blue sky, but then it darkened to night and a red moon appeared, and a shadow of some kind of monster flew across it.

Dream 1 : [COLOR="#800080"]I am in my room and I keep seeing shadows. I get really scared and I yell. Mom comes from the other room, hugs me and asks me what's wrong. I can't talk or move so she takes me to her room. I sit there and I see more shadows and I keep yelling a lot.[/COLOR]
Dream 2 : [COLOR="#800080"]I wake up and I feel the vibrations from the transition and I try to move to get rid of them so I stand up and start to dance.[/COLOR]
Dream 3(fragment) : [COLOR="#800080"]I'm in my classroom and a celebrity is teaching us biology. A girl in my class tries to copy all of her poses and she is somehow angry.[/COLOR]
Dream 4(fragment) : [COLOR="#800080"]I'm in my classroom(yes, again) with my english teacher and she asks me at what hospital I went(wut).[/COLOR]

Dream 1 : [COLOR="#800080"]I was in Korea with a girl named Martina and a guy named Simon and another guy but I don't remember who. We kept playing around doing all kind of stuff(won't get into detail). I suddenly got tired and fainted then woke up and laugh. I went to sit on a fountain with a classmate of mine and a toddler came and started to curse my classmate. I told her to stop cursing. She didn't stop cursing but she dropped a black and red thread in the water and then she said : I can't leave, I need to find her. [/COLOR]
Dream 2 (fragment) : [COLOR="#800080"]I was in my apartment. I told mom that I wanted to go swimming and she said that she also wants to go to the swimming pool. I searched for my swimsuit and I talked with mom about something I don't remember. [/COLOR]

I can only remember some things about this dream. It was about me, my Mom, my Dad, My sister, My niece, My nephew and my sister which had another baby which she does not have in real life. It was Christmas time and we had to do a challenge which lasted the whole month of December. We had to not celebrate Christmas and not talk about it! I did not want to do it but we had to do it for the TV. There was a HUGE Christmas tree and our TV was HUGE! I think we was tiny in this dream. I cant remember what happened after that but once we had done the challenge we was watching other people doing the challenge from a skyscraper. They were decorating this huge Christmas tree which we had to do before we done the challenge too. I was scared because we was sitting on the edge of a skyscraper and we could fall at any time. My Mom who is afraid of heights actually enjoyed it which is really weird because that she has a phobia of heights! My sister put the baby on the edge of the skyscraper too which is really silly. I almost fell and slipped once and that scared me even more. I fell off the skyscraper and was holding on and trying to climb up but I couldn't. Eventually my Mom and my sister helped pull me up. I was really scared and then I woke up. This was a really weird dream.

I'm starting to notice a recurring theme in some of my dreams lately, involving me going somewhere with my girlfriend and her mom. Happened in two different dreams this morning.
My girlfriend, her mom, and I all went to a fancy cabin/store/hotel place...apparently to kill ghosts.
For some reason I had made myself a car out of minecraft textures and brought it with me. I was exploring the lodge place later on with both of them, when a green light appeared behind me. I spun around, only to find a ghost who looked like an old lady. She had an eerie, green light shining around her. She shrieked at me, her face starting to come up close to mine. Amazingly enough, I forgot if we killed the ghost or just ran away from it, but then we were back out at the parking lot, and my girlfriend's mom sped off in her car with my girlfriend, leaving me behind with my minecraft car. I decided to take it for a spin. It was glorious.
This next dream was recalled after falling back asleep and waking up my normal time.
Guess where I was at this time? A con! Guess with who? My girlfriend and her mom! Some con-goer walked up to me and sold me a pretty looking GTO book that looked thin but apparently had every chapter of GTO in it. GTO is an anime I really like, GO WATCH IT. My girlfriend was talking to this guy at the front of our booth for a while, making me a bit jealous. I ignored the feelings and went to talk with her. We talked for a while, and while we were doing so, the guy kept trying to quietly steal my GTO book, leading to me scolding him to get his own.
Multiple random people I know were at the con, hanging out at our booth. I recall a random part on one of the con days where we were all staring at a fish bowl for some reason. The con felt like a sped up version of three whole days.
That's it. I'm happy I recalled more than one! I need to start reality checking and paying closer attention to situations where my girlfriend is around or her mom.

Oct 21:
A combination of C and T are terrorizing everyone in high school by just seeing how much they can get away with -- not that far-fetched from real life. He/They are armed with a whipped cream/silly string shooter -- again, this is exactly the kind of shit they'd pull -- and randomly shoots at the other students walking by. When he targets me with the silly string, I stiff arm and deflect the cream-beam with a single outstretched hand, like Darth Vader blocking Han Solo's blaster shots, while trying to explain that he is acting like an idiot. I'm not sure how long this lasts, but it felt like a really long time. At one point, my old friend K tells me something along the lines of "it's no use talking to him" while I'm still blocking the stream (which has been continuous this entire time), but I was determined to resolve this like an adult.

Dream two has me sleeping in my room at my house, and at a God-awful time, my mom begins running up and down the stairs that's right outside my door as a form of exercise. I voice my objections, but she just comes and sits on my bed and asks me if I know the old Chinese story of Hou Yi shooting down the suns. All I could think about was how she's getting sweat on my bed while I keep telling her that yes, I know, please let me go back to sleep.

In a bit of an ironic twist, I wake up from that.

Oct 22:
I could barely remember any of my dreams. The furthest I got was about wanting to find something at work. Bleh.

at a restaurant, or at a political meeting that had a restaurant's menu. i was looking at the menu, with my mom. i was trying to decide what to get. there was a pork thing that looked ok, kind of like pork fajitas. but something about it wasn't perfect. the pork looked really plain and boring. there was a sandwich on a huge loaf of bread, it looked gross cause it had too much bread. and it came with this weird rice patty that didnt look good...plus that would be too much starchy in one meal. i asked my mom if there were more choices on the other isle.

i found old pictures, and was going thru. they took a couple seconds of movement. it was some fancy film my mom had gotten me once. i decided i really liked it, and since technologty could handle it these days, i'd get it more often. there were pictures of old guys i used to date. or jessica did. 3 guys, all 3 pretty decent cute. i went into the memory, and got the 2 cutest so we could hook up or kiss or something. they seemed to be remembering me, a little playing uninterested, but they came with me.

at this political thing with my mom and other people. a lady gets a bouquet. she asks where she should put it, should it be displayed in a certain way for the event's benefit? no, the flowers are just for her own personal use in whatever way she would like, the event has enough
bouquets of its own. so she is happy, and tries to find a vase to keep them in. i look with her. there are two vases. one looks much to big and wide. so i pick the other one. she wants to keep the flowers private for herself. wheni put them in the vase, part of the boquet gets smushed in the sides because the side flowers are too short and go too deep into the vase so the glass covers them. i'm disappointed, and know she must not be satisfied with that. i think maybe the wide one would be better, even if it is too big, at least the wideness wouldnt smush the flowers. but i think the boquet might already be somewhat damaged, so it wont even be as pretty as it was. the side flowers were pretty delicate




notes:
just got home from moms, back at my house. barely got any sleep. stayed up all night reading about dreams and lucid dreaming, wanting to do that.

dreamt about my mom, political event and food because my mom is really invovled in politics right now and always going to events for it, and food because i am on a new diet with my brother that is low carb/starch/sugar. the flowers were like when i volunteer at the farmer's market and bill gives us a boquet of flowers as a thank you to take home with us.
i dont know why i dreamt of the boys or photos. maybe because i was looking at photos on my computer last night, and i wouldnt mind some male companionship. amanda did just send an email saying how she thinks i really do want sex and a man, just am not focusing on it right now.

what this dream could mean: i want to fulfill my desires, i want to make the right choices, but sometimes the choice doesn't even seem to be 'on the menu' or available, so i just have to settle for something that won't be too bad. i'm learning what i want and what things i like and starting to make decisions about how i want my life to be and how i want to spend my time. (like recording my dreams again and doing dream work and trying to lucid dream etc) i have a desire to help people and i think i am recieving a good thing, nice insights, great talent, opportunities etc, but i dont have the right "container" for them, to support the life i desire, maybe not living in the right place, dont have the right community, or enough energy, etc....need to find the right container because i feel like the delicate beauty in my life is being spoiled and not seen.

Funny how something so simple can be so terrifyingly creepy.

Dream:

I arrived at my mom's house. As I walked to the front porch I could see some odd looking footprints in the dirt. I looked at them closer. They were humanoid and slightly smaller than my feet. I could see the toes clearly. The second two toes were longer than the big toe and had what looked like claws or long toenails that made an impression in the dirt above the toe. I thought they were so strange that I took a picture of them with my phone.

At about that same time I got an email from my science teacher (Christopher) who sent me a very similar picture. He said that prints like these were thought to belong to a mysterious, paranormal animal somewhat like a bigfoot. Hearing that made me nervous and I rushed into the house. I told my mom about the footprints and took her outside to look at them. We were both unnerved that they were so close to the house and right by the front door.

That night I could hardly sleep because I was so afraid of that creature that could be right outside the house. I was thankful that the doors were locked.

The next day I told my friend Ruth about the prints. I showed her the pictures and what was left of the real prints (by that time they had gotten stepped on and were partially destroyed).

Then it was evening again (I had been distracted by some horses that had gotten loose and were running up and down the street, but they were now gone.) My mom's house was now my childhood house and not her current house. I looked out the door. I could see that there was a forest up the street where there were normally houses. I saw an elk and a smaller deer.

Suddenly I was terribly afraid. I knew that creature could be right behind any tree. I saw my mom out in the yard. I didn't want her to be there. Something could happen to her. I started yelling for her to come in. She didn't seem to her. I felt even more terrified. I yelled again....and again, feeling more frantic every second.

Suddenly I woke up and it took a few minutes to settle down. I wondered how I would be feeling if I had woken up and had been camping outside. I knew I would be really freaked out.

Oof, a long one.

I dreamed I was reading a comic -- the art style is very detailed and "serious," kind of like a Hong Kong comic, except redone through Illustrator/Photoshop with color and detailing effects -- about a series of vignettes involving a fire demon(?) that took shape as a large snake. I distinctively remember the text was gibberish symbols, kind of like the ZOSO symbols Zeppelin used. I kept flipping through the book to get to cool parts that I knew was there, but I can never get to the page I want to. But eventually, I get to a particular scene, where the snake demon is in its pit-cave, and it is coiled around a Warrioress who, presumably, was there to vanquish it. She laments "hundreds of years of training... for nothing?" which is the first time I can recall dreaming of legible text. She was dressed inappropriately.

This somehow bleeds into a DOS-era graphics character-select screen, and the warrioress was one of the 8 or 10 fantasy-setting characters you can choose. But after browsing through them, the characters came to life (looking like real people), and I'm suddenly also with them in a Shenanigans-styled restaurant where we are all the staff. A Pixar-animated bird was flying in the ceilings, and the lighting was dim, but pleasantly adequate. It felt like we are in a Seth Rogen comedy, but Rogen is nowhere to be found. He is the luckiest one of us all.

It felt like we spent a long time preparing the menu, which were things that you'd find in a Whole Foods. I know the vibe of the food -- salad bars, soup bins, etc. -- but I don't know what specifically they are. But after wandering around the restaurant, I somehow end up in an apartment that I knew belonged to me.

The apartment was in a small city like fucking Wenatchee or Monroe or something, but it also felt like I was in a city with a cool arts and culture vibe. Anyways, my apartment is sparsely decorated, and is quite spacious. I recall a main room, a bedroom with a bathroom (or, bath "space," as there are no doors between my bedroom and the bathroom. I don't notice this part immediately, by the way.), and a kitchen. I don't have the lights on, and I entered alone, but then I walk back out to the main room/kitchen and I see a conflux of my mom and L from work playing Hexic, and having a ton of trouble "getting" it. But just as it looks like Mom/L is about to achieve something my dad comes running in and presses random buttons to cause Mom/L to lose. For the lulz.

When I look out my bedroom window, I can see that I'm in a mid-sized city, and it's night out. Suddenly, I'm on a motorcycle down those same streets, going at a nice steady clip. I think I was looking for somewhere to get a bite to eat, and I'm travelling down a really, really long road. I zip past huge buildings, hotels, structures, and at one point a walled-off medieval European castle that also resembled Jabba's Palace a little. I eventually end up at a University, and after riding past the quad, I end up in a grass field that has a steep drop that leads to more grass fields, and the rest of the/another bigger city can be seen in the distance. I now have my comforters with me, and I wanted to lie down and sleep under the stars, but I chose not to because I know students will come by in the morning and it's gonna be awkward to see a guy sleeping in the middle of the campus.

I immediately end up back in my apartment, and this is when I noticed the bathroom. About this time, I wake up and actually have to pee in real life.

14.10.2013

Hidden base and teleporting. (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

There was a huge undreground base that only could be accesed through a small hatchet. It appears that there was a huge mall underneath and my mom was in charge of the whole thing.

As I went down, they were closing up and I saw some friends from my high school times. They were somehow making fun of me because the whole event ended, and I felt upset with my mom about it.

I then left and met with a friend and started to teach him how to teleport, but I would fail the two first attempts. On the third one, I would teleport with some friends who I used to play mtg with.

I wanted to share with them some of my psychic abilities, my development, etc but since they are Christian I hesitated to, as I was tired to being called devilish.

I then saw my dad and shared with him some stuff about the Astral Realm.

It had just finished storming outside, and Cory and I took the car to go pick up some supplies. The whole area was flooded in front of our driveway, which was stretched out about two or three acres over our front yard. He couldn't get to the road from the driveway, so I told him to back up into the yard and just drive to the road from the grass. He was being kind of reckless and wasn't really watching where he was going, and I told him to back up slowly so he doesn't fall into any deep puddles. As soon as I said that, he backed right up into a huge puddle, and the back of the car sank immediately into it. The water flooded into the car and came up to my waist, ruining my phone that I had sitting next to me. Instead of freaking out, we were just really calm about it, and he was able to drive the car forward out of the puddle. I was pissed that he didn't pay attention and made him get in the passenger seat so I could drive instead. I remember just sitting there in the driver's seat wondering how I could get my phone working again, and I thought about putting it in a bag filled with silica packets.

I received a new BJD in the mail and was super excited about it. It wasn't one of the 60cm ones like my Delf, but one of the ones about the size of Barbie dolls... I can't remember what they're called at the moment. It was a female doll with blue skin, but some of the darker blues painted on her face weren't blended properly and it looked odd, but I really liked her anyway. I wondered what she would wear since the only clothes I had were for Ian, and they were 60cm clothes, so I went online and someone told me that my specific model could fit into Monster High / Bratz outfits, so I got all giddy and bought her some cute outfits at Toys R Us. Her skull cap was kind of weird, too. The front part had to be tucked in under itself or it didn't fit properly, and it kept slipping off to one side so I had to keep readjusting her head. Basically, it was a dream where I did nothing but geek out over a doll.

I was stuck in prison for something I didn't do, and I was assigned to stamp license plates with a few other prisoners. The plate-making procedure was kind of odd; we would hammer out lettering, dip the letters in black paint, and then hang them on a clothesline in front of our cells to dry. After they dried, we would attach them to the actual plates. One of the other prisoners told me they were planning to escape by making a license plate with fake numbers, attaching it to one of the prison's unmarked cars, and then driving out with it. She said since they wouldn't be able to run the license plate, they wouldn't know the car was stolen. I agreed to join them, and we put the fake plate on and drove away, but one of our cellmates snitched on us and soon we had dozens of police cars after us. The girl I had escaped with told me she knew a magic spell that would shield us from the sight of the police, so we got out of the car and stood on top of it, and she cast the spell. Unfortunately, the spell backfired and turned us both into Dinobots from the Transformers, except we couldn't move. I was the T-Rex and she was some sort of dino-bird. We stood there on the car top, with policemen surrounding us but too afraid to come near us. Suddenly, my mom popped in out of nowhere, snapped her fingers, and we were all in a big cozy den that was surrounded by bookshelves and had a fireplace going. Mom told me that I could transform myself and the girl back to human, because she was secretly a witch meaning that I also had witch-y powers in my blood. I remember being shocked, because I always took her for being Catholic, but I concentrated really hard and both of us morphed back to human form.

The LUCID :[COLOR="#008080"]Unfortunately, I can't remember how I got lucid. I was in my room looking out the window.It was snowing outside.I go to my computer and sit there for like 5 seconds and I suddenly remember to stabilize.I stabilize and the dream becomes unbelievable vivid.I look out the window again and now it's kind of sunny with a red sky.I look away and tell myself that I should really make the weather that I previously had in a lucid.I look back out the window and tadaaa, there's the weather.I see my grandmother and my grandfather outside walking and holding hands.I think about jumping but in the end I just walk around my room staring at things. I suddenly hear some music and mom comes in my room, tells me something and I start losing the dream.Everything becomes blurry and the music stops.I do the spinning technique and I end up in a weird but cool place.I keep telling this person near me (Don't remember who) how all the things she/he sees around are just things from real life combined.I see a park and I tell him/her that we should totally go there later. Someone shouts my name and I run fast to that person and ask what's the matter. She asks if my name is Anna and I tell her that indeed my name is Anna. She stares a bit, gives me a gift box and leaves. I look in it and I see some materials and 2 letters(That gift box seemed like it was from Kris) I look around and suddenly everyone transforms into asians and I tell myself that Kris must be coming (VERY EXCITED). I look closely in the box and I notice 2 keys in it(No idea for what they are).[/COLOR]

The dream was sooooo much more longer I just don't recall it all. I recall I kept saying to myself : When is this dream gonna end? It's been like 1 week already. I know I've done a lot of things (Don't recall exactly what things but I know) and probably tried summoning with success.

2nd dream : [COLOR="#800080"]A person rolls in my apartment's hall and asks me: Guess what I bought you?! I put a bag on it's head and then it says: Exactly! then it rolls in another room :/ .[/COLOR]

3rd dream: [COLOR="#800080"]Dreamt I was in my apartment's hall and dad entered in my grandmother's room and then he came out Slenderman.Suddenly it became dark. I start screaming and then dad transforms back to his original form and starts laughing with mom. [/COLOR]