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Hi all,

For my first dream journal post I thought I would post one of my craziest lucid dreams. This dream was wrapped up in so many metaphors and symbolism for different parts of my life and mind that I literally feel like I took a walk through my mind the night I had it. Most of the other lucid dreams I've had have been far shorter and much more subtle and impressionistic but this lucid dream was definitely the longest, and darkest of all I've had.

I'm not sure if it would be considered lucid or 'semi-lucid' as while I was fully aware of the fact I was dreaming I was still afraid of certain things in the dream that, had I of been fully conscious I would have known couldn't hurt me. I also had many moments of doubting myself and thinking that maybe I wasn't dreaming and maybe I'm awake. Anyway, you decide for yourself.

On to the dream...

It started out as a nightmare, I can't remember much about what happened before I went lucid only that in the moment my mind decided to let me know I was dreaming and 'woke me up' so to speak, I found myself in a giant black room filled with darkness and death and basically everything horrible my mind could conjure up. The room wasn't so much a 'room' as such, but more like a space that seemed to go on forever.

The space was filled with all sorts of bad things everything from demons and dead bodies hanging to negative people in my life that I've encountered. I didn't particularly feel threatened by anything, like what you would in a non lucid dream, I wasn't thinking 'oh god that demon is going to eat my eyeballs as his entrée' but more like 'make it go away, I don't want to look at it any more' This is what I mean when I say I don't think I was fully lucid as while I knew nothing was physically going to hurt me, I still didn't have the control to change what was occurring.

Anyway, I was trying really hard to make all this bad stuff go away and make things happy but I just couldn't do it. I began to have a full blown freak out, soon after this is where I began to doubt myself and for some reason I started to think that maybe I wasn't dreaming and maybe I was just going insane. Going insane has always really scared me so I started to freak out even more wondering why I couldn't control what was happening or even wake myself up.

I became so desperate to wake myself up that I started screaming out to my boyfriend at the time (who was lying beside me) to wake me up, hoping I would say it in real life and he'd hear me. Obviously this didn't happen.

After a while, I gave up trying to get out of the dream and instead tried to focus all of my energy on trying to make something appear that would help me or tell me what to do. I closed my eyes and focused and when I opened them a man sitting in a therapist chair appeared.

The man was sitting, waiting for me in classic therapist manner (one leg crossed, clipboard in hand ready to make notes) and he looked a little like Steven Spielberg. Since apparently everyone we see in dreams we've seen before there is a chance maybe the therapist actually was Steven Speilberg (haha!)

I sat in the chair in front of the therapist and told him frantically that I wasn't sure what was going on, I thought I was going insane, that I didn't know why I couldn't control anything and that I couldn't make it go away. The therapist told me that I couldn't control everything, that I just had to stop fighting it and embrace it and that I would find out more later.

This conversation went on for a little while before I ventured off into the vast darkness, still quite terrified although wanting to take the therapists advice, I tried to embrace it, I tried to let go of my fear. I kept walking and the darkness began to transform into a beautiful dream landscape. Bright colours, patterns, like something from an acid trip. I was literally bouncing off the walls and floating.

Soon after this moment of psychedelia the colours began to change back into more natural colours and everything started to look more real again. I looked ahead and the landscape transformed into my old primary school assembly hall. It was like walking back through a memory and I could see the childhood version of myself at assembly. I examined myself for a second before I went up to child me and hugged myself. I felt at peace and happy, like I had reunited with a piece of myself.

Then my childhood self turned into some kind of tiny demon and started attacking me, I couldn't get it off me so I bit it's throat out and ended up waking up panicked and scared.

I see a lot of fighting. There's a swordsman. He seems to be going insane. He attacked a ship, thinking it was attacking their village. Merchants. Snow.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a psychiatrist's office, which actually looked more like a small store mixed with an artist's studio or an unfinished room. The room was narrow, kind of long, with white walls made bright by the sunlight coming in through the front window wall.

I stood before something like a long work table made out of wood, which was either white or brown. The table was on the left side of the room. My psychiatrist stood to my right.

I was telling my psychiatrist a weird set of experiences I'd been having lately. Mostly it was people saying very weird things right out to me. But apparently, on this day, they'd gotten really bad.

I told my psychiatrist how I had gone into one place, possibly a doctor's office, and that a nurse (dressed like a 1950s style, stereotypical nurse), while she was stacking boxes one on top of the other, said she was -----ing the boxes (don't remember the word, but it implied she was actually laying the boxes side by side).

I told my psychiatrist, "Then I went to a cafe. A woman there was laying boxes side by side. But she told me --" I suddenly had the urge to stop speaking, as I felt my talking anymore about this would make my psychiatrist think I was crazy. But I couldn't stop now. So I said, "She told me she was stacking them."

I had an image in my head of something like a floor plan being drawn in red lines on a brownish-yellow piece of paper. I saw perhaps four squares being drawn in some kind of nook-like room. The four squares were boxes, laid side by side. I then saw a woman like a worker at Starbucks, laying boxes like soda syrup boxes side by side in a nook-like area.

There was now a third person in the room with me and my psychiatrist. The person was hard to see. But it was probably a woman, kind of like a wild woman. She was kind of tall, with really messy, black hair. She looked really strong, and she may have been naked. But she was helping my psychiatrist in some kind of professional function, like being her nurse.

The woman stood between us, and while I never saw the woman, it made my psychiatrist much harder to see. My psychiatrist may have changed as well. She may have been a kind of young, blonde woman.

My psychiatrist may have given me some kind of shot. She also prescribed some kind of medicine to me, maybe two different kinds of pills. I had a terrible, sinking feeling. I had told my psychiatrist my real life experiences. But she now thought, as I'd figured she would, that I was crazy. I myself wondered whether I was crazy.

My psychiatrist said I needed to be careful because of the state of mind I was in. She said, "If you keep going like this, you'll start thinking you can hear telegrams (or telegraphs?) inside buildings, or that the direction of your blood is always flowing toward the people who have aggressive feelings toward you."

DELETED

Whoa.

09/13/10



This is a building with no windows. The walls and ceiling are black and plasticky, and the dark tiles on the floor are smooth and glossy. Neon signs and arrows are laid out tackily along the walls, advertising the various games on display and giving directions that I can't read.

I'm in a small alcove, playing one of the arcade games stuffed into the small hallway. The place I'm in connects a larger hallway (which leads to a set of elevators, and the lobby of the building) to a large, open room, the entirety of which is pitch black and shiny.

I keep moving along the wall and towards the room, switching games as I go. I'm trying to stay out of the way of the janitor, who's coming from the elevators. He's driving a rainbow, glowing lawnmower with various mop-like attachments which simultaneously clean all surfaces of the room. The mop cleaning the ceiling is spinning in circles and whipping across from side to side. The side mops are giant spinning things, reaching out to the edges of the hallway. It looks like a demented, inside-out automatic car wash from an alternate dimension.

I haven't actually seen it, though. I'm just quietly moving towards the black room.

- discussing what's happening in the big bang theory tv show on the big screen tv in the black room with someone or other -

I'm playing air hockey against myself (neon, of course, lighting up the room), when He finds me. I roll my eyes. I was really hoping to avoid the Arcade's mascot.

It's a clown, of course. He dances around spastically as he approaches me. I cross my arms over my chest and the colourful clown turns the pitch black of the walls and starts to disintegrate. I hear the employee - the man in the suit - decide that he doesn't get paid nearly enough for this.

In another dream, I'm talking to one of the actors from Supernatural, Jensen Ackles. The surroundings are plain and the carpet is brown. Ackles is complaining about his insane fans, and I decide not to ask for an autograph.

Scare Factor: 2/10
Rating: 4/10