Jamie voice seemed to be splitting after my last entry. Wasn't sure why. Of course I meant she's more than welcome to come to my door and ask for me. I simply meant other options as suggestions for whatever she feels comfortable with. Maybe she was upset over my unwillingness to reach out first. Even though I already did a few times. She never responded. If my best message to her still isn't good enough for her. No further attempts are necessary. I argued with her voice on this early this morning about this very thing. She admitted: It's unreasonable to expect you reach to me, if I don't respond. Exactly right! This entirely changes if she begins to talk to me and let's me know that further communication is okay. I'm ready to step up then. Dreams: 2 nights ago. Jamie 1 (Can't use colors because I can't get posting entries here to work properly on PC or mobile. What gives DV? What gives?) I dreamed Jamie was working construction with me or something. I was climbing up some scaffold or something. Jamie was climbing to but she was surrounded by wooden ramps and walls they were also moving very fast. I told her that's not necessary, we're simply here to work. Fortnite again? Jamie 2 She was with me in a house? We kept flying around but instead of talking , we kept leaving notes for one another. Jamie 3 I was with Jamie in a city. She had a fancy blue car. She pushed a button and it started changing into a more fancy car or something. She laughed and asked if I liked it? When I woke up. I kinda split on that. She seemed like her careless and grandiose self of which I have very bad memories of. I recall her being quite hurtful when she was like that. Jamie 4 I was walking on a residential street. I was eating a sandwich. It had some meat and a shitload of mayonnaise. It was messy. I don't recall liking it too much. Woke up and the voice said she made me pastrami on rye? Oops I was supposed to like it. Sorry. This whole entry seems negative. So I'll end on some positive notes. Pets I woke up on top of a bunk bed. There were tiny goats flying up to me and I was petting them. Also the Jamie voice wanted me to confirm some of the jokes we say to one another. Many months ago I was trying to cheer up her voice by saying, " I believe in the good person inside of you." She responded, " You are the good person inside of me." Lol. Read into that however you like. It's been a running joke ever since. I hope next dreams are loving and affectionate. These holidays were more moody than what I would have liked.
Walking home, I must cross a big river to get to the other side. Normally I would just jump across the narrow part here, which although narrow for the river, is about as far as I can jump. Today however, the river is 4 times wider, and raging like it's alive and angry. I recall there is a bridge up-stream, and take a short cut off the trail to cut a big corner out of the path. I slide down a steep hill, and continue toward the bridge. Panicking, I see that the river has jumped its banks, and this short cut is not impossible. It leads directly to a dead-end cliff-like hill about 40 feet high, very close to the river, and where I just came from is also too steep to return. I have to jump out of the way of a few rogue waves that leap out from the others. There are some massive waves in this river, each one nearly knocks me into it. There is some really long, thick grass growing up the side of this steep hill (basically an 85 degree angle with flat ground). I grab fist fulls of the grass, and begin my near vertical assent back to the road up above. It's really easy with all this grass! As I near the crest, there is no more grass, and the ground is very loose. Large chunks of earth fall out from beneath me. I scramble to regain my grip and my footing, but each spot I hold onto quickly crumbles away, digging the cliff summit out to be even steeper. I am soo close to the top, I can put my hand on there, but only to pull the earth loose. I see a woman walking by, and greet her to avoid surprising her by being so close to the path, and right at foot level where she wouldn't see me until super close. She looks at me with a disgusted look that says, 'This guy is a typical risk taker' and says "Rock climbers...." with a big sign as she walks off quickly. Disappointed that she didn't help me, nor grasp the seriousness of the situation I'm in, I continue to struggle not to fall. Looking back briefly, I see that if I fall, I will land directly into the river that has now changed course to be right below me. I also recall how never in my life have I been able to climb over a steep crest - the rock wall at summer camp, the 2 mile high cliff in my back yard, the ridge on top of the mountain - in every case, I failed to make it. It's just impossible for me. Deciding to give it everything I've got, I try to summit to my left, but literally pull every possible hand hold loose so there is nothing more to grab onto. I try the right, and lose my grip as I rip away fist fulls of loose dirt and fall backwards. Managing to wedge my toes into a crack, I use my shin muscles to pull myself 30 degrees back to the cliff. Phew, close call! Now making sure I have good foot placement, I try to summit to the right again. Everything is pulling loose! I reach the very end of the line, nothing left to try, except a smooth, vertical rock to my right. No way to get a good grip on it at all. I split my force evenly between all fours, hands and feet, none of which are in a safe, secure spot in case I slip. Dangerously vulnerable, I continuously have to shift each hold, and scramble. I imagine making it successfully, and gently, but continuously shift my placement as I make slow progress. My head passes above the crest, but it is still steep! I push and pull, feeling really off balance, and get my torso above the crest. To my amazement, I reach the top. "Sure footing here!" No sooner do I reach the top, than I have a vision of Satan himself telling me in a deep demonic voice, "Congratulations, this is the first time you ever passed this test". Unsure why Satan is congratulating me, I am happy to have made it this time. A true victory over my fears. I continue down the path, cross the bridge, and end up at my friend's mom's house. I'm get along better with her mom, so I'm not disappointed when just her mom is home. I find her testing her new home security system. She demos it for me. There is a massive vault door, with a huge lock on it. She tells me "if someone breeches the door, this is what happens..." and pushes a button on a remote. A siren plays loudly, blue and white lights flash, and inside the safe room, sitting at a desk, looking at a laptop screen, facing toward us, is a goat. Judging by the sounds coming from the laptop (goat noises), the goat is watching goat on goat porn. The goat has an intense focused look on his face as he stares into the screen, lightly illuminated by the video. I find it hilarious. We walk into the kitchen for dinner. She offers me food and starts to eat. I already have a full plate. "I'll start with the water" I tell her, being polite, and wanting to wait until her daughter returns so we can eat together. I also want to tell her about my successful summit of the cliff, but want to wait so I can tell them both at the same time.
3. I’m inside grandma’s house. She tells me she’s made something to eat, and I’m disappointed because I was planning on going home for that, so I could watch what I eat. While eating, grandma tells me about a dinosaur that was spotted. Me and Rane talk about how we used to see them more when we were younger. We’re riding in a car down a road, looking out at the woods for signs of the dinosaur. We see a field of black goats, and I say that the dinosaur must not be there because the goats were okay. I say it must have gone off into the woods. We drive into a town full of houses that look like they were made of cheap kid’s furniture. I say that it seems a shame to waste a whole town [just because the people in it before were forced out for doing something wrong]. Rane reminds me that it’s being used for ‘this’ now. She seems to be looking for a specific house, mumbling under her breath. She stops and opens a part on one light-colored house. Inside are two envelopes. I think they’re old mail left from when the people left and she’s looking for supplies. This is a dystopia, after all. She takes one and starts opening it, and I ask if I can open the other, to which she replies that I can. In her package, there was a bag full of jewelry and things. They were a few heart shaped pieces. -Jump- I’m in a central building there, talking to a little creature (reminds me of Boota from Gurren Lagann – without the glasses of course!). He’s talking to me about what I need to do to get signed up there to store things. Apparently everyone already has a basic account, but you have to make it official by signing a form. I look around and see relics from before the apocalypse. There are some anime things and even a few ‘gifs’. I contemplate about the less conventional things, like yaoi, what about people who like those things, but then shrug and realize they still have the internet. We hear someone come in, and I bend down to look under this metal block. I see someone wearing a skirt or dress and assume it’s a woman. The creature seems to know her, and he runs up my body. I instinctively clutch him and he hides against my body. He doesn’t seem afraid though. Inspiration: Maybe from watching Helix? And I got a package in the mail recently, and Rane gets things sometimes. 4. Duplicating socks, one was a homemade pair by mom. I thought that duplicated items weren’t as effective as the originals, but seeing the results, I thought it was a really cool idea. 5. I woke up and all the thoughts of my dreams I’d had were scrambling around my head. I had my iPod Touch, opened up Notes and pressed the + sign. I started making a word-list of things I could remember. One word was ‘eggs’. …I woke up for real, confused, and realized I’d had a false awakening. And had no idea what the eggs part was about. Notes: The FA is a great sign! I’m so focused on recall when I first wake up, I only do an RC after I’ve got it all straight in my head. I guess I can only wait and see how it develops from here. Also, turning to lie on my back instead of sitting up worked well for making sure I got the dreams in my palace, because I can’t get to sleep on my back. After that I just had to keep my thoughts from wandering off so I could focus on putting the dreams in.
I don't remember anything until I started to realize I was becoming lucid. There were a few women. I saw them in a rather baron environment. I realized I was lucid and decided to go for one of them. I got one and leaned her back to lay her down. I'm always afraid I'll wake up, so I decided to get her clothes off as I was bringing her down. I lay her down with my left hand, and raised her tight, pink, cotton dress with my right. By the time she was on the ground, I had her exposed. I nommed on her breast for a short time, and had an FA. I was in a restaurant in a booth. There were two blonde women at the table. One was paying her check with a credit card. I reached out to take it wondering if I was lucid and thinking it would be no harm. She retracted the card and I got nervous. I tried to explain I thought I was having a lucid dream. She didn't get it. I asked her if she had ever had a dream where she knew she was dreaming...the old explaining lucid dreaming routine. She seemed relatively interested, but she and her friend left. I was left alone. The restaurant was noisy. I wondered what all the commotion was. I finally leaned up to see a T.V. with the picture of a U.S. soldier in Iraq. I asked if someone was talking to their husband in Iraq. They said no. I was a little "confus" and got tired of the noise, so I left. I went outside to see another dirt road with some women up ahead. I realized again, I'm dreaming! All the women were unattractive, obese black women. I flew towards them hoping to find a cute one. No such luck. I kept flying down the road. I flew through a shanty town. On either side of the road, there were shacks made of metal roofing material. All had their back side to the road. As I flew down the road, I looked at the homes and noticed everyone had a goat. Some people had two. I thought I should fly to the front of the homes, but I kept straight. I finally came upon a young woman with strawberry blonde hair. She could have looked better. I looked away and looked back and she looked a bit better. I looked for a place to lay her down. I saw an black iron bath tub that would never hold enough water to bathe in. It only came up about as high as a black iron pan. I decided that would be too cold. I didn't want to lay her down in the dirt though. I went to lay her down so as not to waste any time, and a piece of plastic appeared under her. That was convenient. I lay her down the same as with the first one, lifting her dress as I lay her down. Again, I nommed on her perfect breasts for a while, glad this is one of my few lucid capabilities. I didn't want to leave her breast, but I wanted to taste her lips. I began to kiss her. It was yummaliscious. As I kissed her, I touched her below. She finally got into it (my DC's are often rather lifeless). She moaned, "Oh don't..." but she sounded like she was in ecstasy. I don't remember the order of these dreams very well. I know that at one point in my FA, I was so mad that I had awakened from a lucid that I made an angry face gritting my teeth at which point I saw a yellow mist with a face gritting its teeth. I thought that made sense. I was seeing my emotion. Also, between lucid's my alarm went off. I snoozed it and went back to bed and had the second lucid. I actually think I had two FA's, but I'm only certain of one. Mixed in there, likely somewhere around the restaurant scene was another dream I had where I was in the office of an ogf Jennifer M. She looked great. Her office was positively opulent. We were going to go somewhere, but she left and I stayed looking at a door that was right at a window looking several stories below. I liked the door to nowhere. Then I noticed another one. I eventually left and saw a restaurant for the office building workers. It was dark and cozy, though a bit sterile. I walked through thinking how much I liked that an office cafeteria would make the dining room dark for an intimate environment at work. As I came out, Jennifer came back to get me. I was kind of sad because she had such a good job and I didn't. She said she could get me an application. She walked over to an executive who gave her one. She came back and said, "I told you I could get you an application!" I was still sad because she could get anything with her looks and it had nothing to do with me deserving a job. I then saw a vignette type corridor where the walls looked like an alien planet's cave landscape. I asked Jennifer to walked into it so I could take a picture of her. She did, though I never actually took the picture.
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