Recent DJ Posts

I had a dream last night that seemed to be set in the current time. When the dream started, my sister and I were in my mom’s house and were taking stuff that had belong to my father that my mom had been hanging onto out of the house and loading it into the back of a pick-up truck that had been rented from U-Haul. We were working on cleaning-out closets that in current waking life are still full of stuff that belonged to him as well as going through dressers and pulling out clothes that could be donated to charity. My mom was in the house while we were taking stuff out of the truck, but wasn’t helping us with taking things out to the truck and sometimes would intercept me or my sister and question why we were getting rid of things rather than keeping them at her house. We kept trying to explain to her that it would be best to donate whatever we were carrying out at the time so that someone in need could use them rather than having them collect dust in the house. Most of them time, we were able to convince mom it was for the best to put the stuff in the truck to be donated rather than to hang onto it, but there was some stuff that mom was adamant that we hang onto.

Eventually, me and my sister had the bed of the truck loaded as full as it could be and were ready to take the load to a local charity to donate it. When we told mom that the truck was full of stuff, she told us to go ahead and get in the truck and that she would be out in a few minutes.

My sister and I then walked out of mom’s house to the new pick-up truck that had the U-Haul logo on it. When we got to the passenger side door, I opened it up and then stood off to the side so my sister could get in first. She didn’t take the hint and stood by the back of the truck. When I pointed to the bench seat, she told me it was her day to choose her seat and she wanted the window so I needed to sit in the middle. I get in the truck and put the grey lap and shoulder belt on and then my sister gets and buckled-up after closing her door.

Me and my sister then spend a long time in the cab of the truck waiting for mom to come out and drive us to take the stuff to donate. While we are waiting, my sister starts talking about our father and then starts trying to get me to share my feelings and talk about how I am doing dealing with things. I really do not want to talk about this as it is still too soon. As she keeps talking about this, her breath keeps getting worse and worse and is really overpowering and unpleasant to smell. I keep trying to change the subject, but she is fixated on talking about this so I am stuck listening to her talk about this and having to smell her breath. I stop responding to her, but she keep trying to get me to share my feelings and I keep having to smell her breath.

Eventually, we see mom walking out of the house and towards the truck. Rather than going to the driver side and getting I, she makes a beeline to the bed of the truck and starts going through the stuff that my sister and I have loaded in the bed while we sit in the cab and wait for her to get in. I see her take a handful of stuff from the bed of the truck back into the house. She does this several more times. Since the truck has electric windows, my sister and I cannot roll them down to try to stop mom and are stuck watching her take stuff we had loaded into the truck back into the house. While mom is doing this, my sister stops fixating on getting me to share my feelings on our fathers passing and we start taking about how frustrated we both are that it is so difficult getting mom to let go of anything. As we keep talking, my sisters breath no-longer smells really bad and I am able to have a conversation with her without even noticing it. The wait also doesn’t seem as bad as it did earlier in the dream since we are talking though things I find important.

While we are still talking, my sister elbows me and tells me mom is locking up the house and about to get into the truck and we need to stop talking about her. I then turn my head and see mom walking towards the cab of the truck and then unlocking and opening the driver side door. She then sits down in the driver seat on my left side and then closes her door.

While mom is working on getting the mirror’s adjusted, she accuses my sister and I of trying to get rid of some of our father’s stuff without asking her permission. As she keeps complaining to use, I notice her breath is even worse than my sisters was earlier in the dream. Mom keeps voicing her displeasure to use for several more minutes after she has the mirrors adjusted.

Eventually, she is done with her lecture and turns the key to start the truck. The battery sounds really weak and after a few cranks is completely dead. We all 3 get out of the truck and then mom decides this is some kind of sign that she is not supposed to get rid of dad’s stuff and tells my sister and I to take everything back into the house and put it where we found it. Both me and my sister have a really defeated feeling know that all of our work to go through our father’s stuff and get it donated to those who could use it was all for nothing and we now have to waste our time putting everything back in the house. I woke up from this dream while me and my sister were trying to talk mom into letting us donate some of the stuff that none of us would ever need and mom being insistent that we put it back where we found it.

I think this dream was definitely related to some real life frustration I am feeling with my mother hording all of my fathers stuff and refusing to deal with donating it to those who could really use it, especially in the current time when there are so many people in need.

01/12/12

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
I am at a Walmart with my friend Alicia. We are looking through the store for nothing in particular, just browsing and chatting a bit. I look at a few items, I look at a couple of outfits that I think won't fit me and then I look at the reason why they won't fit… a display of cupcakes and cookies…

I think maybe I'll get a single cupcake that way it will be a onetime indulgence rather than something I keep doing over and over. I pick up the cupcake and without thinking about it I start eating. No one says anything to stop me and I finish it soon, absently tossing the wrapper in a trash can. Alicia and I go to the front to check out. I go to pay for my cupcake and I realize I threw the wrapper away… I have nothing left of it! What I am holding is two empty toilet paper tubes… um… I have no idea why I picked those up… but the cashier is giving me a strange look at the idea I am looking to pay for them. So I figure I'll just go throw them away while Alicia checks out. She has selected a couple items including shampoo and soap.

I go over to a trash can and toss the tubes in and then I do a double take. There is a huge stack of paper in there, it looks like someone emptied a file cabinet or something. It is not dirty with other trash and it is clearly recyclable. I grab a cart and take the paper out so I can put it in a recycle bin somewhere. I notice some of it is even blank, I can use that! I look back to make sure I have it all, I have taken a stack about a foot tall! There's a bit more paper, and someone threw away a perfectly good binder! There is also a school text book in there. It isn't one I have interest in, but why throw it away? Donate it to Good Will or something! I take the backpack, binder, and book out.

There is a bit more paper in there which I also take. Alicia is there beside me now asking what I am doing. I comment to her how wasteful people can be. The cashier who checked us out is also looking. I ask her if she can believe someone threw all that away instead of recycling and donating. She says she had thought the same thing when someone threw it in.

Alicia and I are walking back to my car, I am wondering how I am going to keep the paper from going all over the car. I decide I can put some of it in the backpack. I open the backpack and find a pair of sneakers in there that look brand new! I wonder if they will fit me… who would throw those away?! I am looking at the sneakers and thinking if they don't fit me, maybe they'll fit Alicia. I am about to try the shoes on when I wake up.