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Sunday Night, 5/3/20

Dreamt that I ended up in the ER due to some serious respiratory issues. They gave me a bed right next to a couple people infected with coronavirus. They looked like they could be dying from it. I asked the nurse if it was safe for me to be in the same room, especially in my weakened state. She told me it was fine and that "They're six feet apart!". I wasn't reassured, especially since it was more like two feet. Is this even a real hospital? I wondered. This isn't the right procedure. I then noticed there was no medical equipment anywhere, just cots. I laid there, fading in and out of consciousness, wondering if this was where I would die. At some point I found the strength to escape from the place when no one was looking.

An involved plot followed where I got captured by a sociopathic serial killer in an abandoned industrial building. I managed to hold him down at one point but worried I wouldn't be able to maintain control of the situation until the police arrived. I don't think I did. The police did arrive, however. Three cops entered the building. I switched to the partial perspective of the lead detective, an older man close to retirement age. He/I instructed the others to split off and make a little noise to fake out the serial killer so he thought we were all approaching from a different side. Meanwhile I went off a different way as quietly as I could. The surprise ambush didn't work. The killer was holding a gun to the hostage, who was now actually a cat instead of a person. He gave me the ultimatum of taking a shot to the head to save the cat's life. I got the information that this cop was depressed and felt empty without his work to look forward to. He/I took the deal and for some reason I knew that the killer would adhere to the bargain... because he was just that particular brand of crazy.

I somehow survived after taking four gunshots to the head. I was not in great shape, however, and knew I needed to seek medical attention. I staggered out of the building and into the forest at night, making my way down the path. I gradually became myself again. I came to a short, rustic stairway with a wooden railing. Around that area I noticed a few swarms of flies. I stopped and stared for a while from a distance. I wondered about what type of flies they might be and why they were swarming here. I crept closer to get a better look and discovered that there was a dead crow laying on its back and that's what had drawn the flies to the area. I stared at the crow for a few moments, then I stepped past it and continued a short distance along the path until I reached the edge of a college campus. The Narrator spoke, telling me that I was going to be alright. I turned my face to the sky as dawn was approaching and lifted up into the air, drifting above the campus. The Narrator gave me instructions on which direction to travel. It seemed odd to me that I was flying but I reasoned that I must be in some sort of virtual reality simulation. Yes, that's it, that's why I heard a voice. I figured.

Spoiler for Additional Notes:

The first part of the dream is likely at least partially a result of the shelter in place in waking life, although I hadn't been giving much attention to fears of getting sick, at least not on a conscious level. The serial killer was likely a result of watching a short documentary on a sociopath the day before. For me the end of the dream stood out the most: seeing the dead crow felt meaningful in some way, as did deciding to just walk past it and flying at dawn. Between the Narrator being present and the realization I could fly, this seemed like another almost lucid. Unfortunately my mind rationalized it away instead of questioning it further.

Morning of May 2, 2017. Tuesday.



I am in an unfamiliar classroom (or perhaps at a seminar), where the students are mostly adults in their thirties. (In real life, I still have a cold, so my sleep cycle is apart from the usual.) I am the speaker. The subject is a childhood dream that I had originally titled “When the Moon is in the Seventh House” to poke fun at astrology. It was about the moon changing into a giant crow and falling through the roof of my Cubitis home into the large closet, becoming somewhat cartoon-like in appearance. (I had gone over the full decoding of this dream a few times when much younger.)

Over time, I explain how my dream (from February 4, 1972) was designed and rendered. Originally, there were about five notebook pages regarding this somewhat short dream that I wrote at age eleven. (I never post the full text of my dream data online as it would be far too long and the format is not possible to post online other than in a large image which is not really feasible.) I explain that it was partly influenced by hearing about the January 30, 1972 lunar eclipse.

I explain how many dreams are premonitory of biological waking mechanism factors and that a crow is such a symbol as the emergent consciousness event, especially as the same event has occurred many times in different ways since early childhood. (Also, since very early childhood, a bird’s beak was sometimes such a factor, but only in dreams relating to the lower back spasm waking event such as “The Buzzard’s Beak” from October 4,1969, though which the factor was proven to have some suggested level of control as in dreams such as “The Elongated Beak” from from September 8, 1968. These days, now that I am much older, there does seem to be an unexplainable liminal space in half-sleep where the back and shoulder spasm events can be lessened to an extent as well as somehow subliminally activated.)

I explain that the falling giant crow additionally is a staging phrase of “night is falling” (since a crow is black and is also a specific circadian rhythms symbol for me, though I have not captured or recorded all the specific clock times it is rendered as such as I have with cats in some cases, though date markers are more obvious).

I explain that the “failed flight waking transition”, one of my most common dream sequences since early childhood, is not necessarily of negative implications. It simply describes the type of dream that renders a falling event that is biologically linked to the natural consciousness shift that occurs upon waking.

I explain how the actual meaning of my dream’s outcome, is that the emergent consciousness factor lands in the closet due to it being the first place I go to to get my clothes to get dressed for school after waking up. The moon had been the induction factor, which transmutes into the waking transition during my dream’s natural ending. The moon becoming the giant crow represents the unconscious (moon, or “night self” as akin to “dream self”) becoming the conscious self waking precursor. I add how “When the Moon is in the Seventh House” is especially fitting as a title, as ours was the seventh house along our stretch of highway. My dream amused me and colored my mood in a very cheerful way concerning my otherwise tedious task of getting ready for school, so thus my dream was useful in that way. (A specific dream often serves more than one purpose.)

In the last scene, I actually “play” my childhood dream (as if it was a holographic movie over my dream’s main environment), as it originally occurred, although there are differences. The ceiling of the classroom disappears and the moon is present overhead. The full moon (though in reality was waning gibbous and only 85% visible in regard to the original dream) changes into a giant crow and begins falling toward the building.

Soon, I “become” the giant crow as I am also my dream self’s human body (though at this point, the giant crow is only about three feet from the floor) as it coalesces into my dream self as the emergent consciousness factor. I bend one knee down with my arms up and out at this moment in a sort of dramatic presentation. I awake with the soft abdominal jolt (with a slight kick), which is not unpleasant (rather than the natural falling sensation), as the giant crow’s belly is touching the floor, and I am very surprised that I had not been lucid at any point.

---

This is the second time I have recently non-lucidly dreamt of explaining the meaning of a childhood dream in front of an audience (the other being about “The Tadpole’s Ghost” from December 21, 1970). It is probably due to my lifelong study of my own dreams while realizing that much of what is published about dreams is a sham (especially the irritating myths that dominate dream lore).

My dream also related to thinking about mapping more dreams more specifically, though only on the two main sites I post where the present count is about 3,500 (which is less than one-tenth of my total number of records and study data - though I do hope to have about 10,000 in a few years at least on tumblr if it is still there).

---

Morning of January 23, 2017. Monday.



I become aware of activities I must do for a movie being made that is about a wealthy German family (in Germany and on Germany’s side when the war starts) during World War II (about as far from my real-life associations as possible). I am a boy actor, probably around ten years of age.

One part of the set is reminiscent of the Loomis Street house, another somewhat suggestive of the southwest Cubitis bedroom. Still another part (in the last segment) seems somewhat like the kitchen of our present home. I have no coherent familiarity with my real-life status other than during the last part of the waking events.

There is a scene where I have to walk from one area in the house, go outside, and then go back into the house into a different room and look in a mirror (though the mirror curiously seems to be on an outside wall of the house that faces the backyard). I am aware that I only have a white shirt on. This does not bother me at all because I assume that all the scenes presently being filmed are from the waist up. I am satisfied with my appearance at this point.

At another point, I absentmindedly enter the room that is somewhat like the southwest Cubitis bedroom. An unknown female is there and sitting on the side of a bed, apparently on a cigarette break. On the left side of her face are parallel indentations, almost like the map of where a few stream beds converge (my actual thought within my dream in this scene). She wants to be alone at this time.

There is a scene where a fictional relative is going into the military at the start of the war. I am standing outside (seemingly at the south side of the Loomis Street house) between at least two adults (and clearly aware of my smaller, shorter body and status as a child actor), an unfamiliar female on my right and at least one unfamiliar male on my left. The camera is on us (filming from east of us). I feel “perfect” as I turn my head slowly to the right, to briefly acknowledge a crow in the sky behind me (which is flying north), making sure part of my left profile is filmed (for at least a second or two) and that the angle of my face at each point is “perfect”. I focus with clear intent to keep my stoic expression “perfect”.

Eventually, my dream starts to lose cohesion and I am slowly more aware of at least some of my real-life history. Still, I am writing a letter to inform my sister Marilyn (deceased) that I am going to be in a Hollywood movie, indicating some of the details.

In the last segment, I look in a mirror again. My face is becoming more and more unusual, almost like the classic Frankenstein monster. I have patches of green skin on the left side of my face. It is very wrinkled in that one area, though the wrinkles are in long straight vertical lines. There are what appear to be stone-like features peaking out from parts of my forehead and cheeks. The “stones” are of various colors and textures but are likely meant to be some sort of oversized acne.

Eventually, I realize my left eye is bulging and I touch it to see that it is like a small plastic dome that is slightly cracked more to the left. (Oddly, I can still see clearly from it within my dream even though it is almost sealed shut.) This is because a crack in my left cheek had reached its perimeter.

---

Losing teeth dreams have nothing on this level of dream-self cessation (which otherwise usually have no “interpretation”).

---

I was on a train, and the train doors randomly opened and closed. I lost valuables. M is causing it.

I am on a street. It is dark. There are only black crows. I realise the sun and planets had been banished. They discover I am on the planet's side and I am thrown into a dungeon with them. The sun tells me he was discovered as a 'planet' during a solar eclipse.

I'm sitting on a bus driving through some mountainous areas, behind me there is seated a couple. The girl is telling the boy how she didn't always look this "attractive", before she wore thick glasses and had braces. Telling him about a place called Paradise Falls. About how she never understood the name before she got her glasses, and could finally see how beautiful everything was. That she actually miss that time, and those glasses. She currently got some glasses that looked similar, but they're not quite the same. Not the same soul to them.

I drift off, visualizing this place of mystic beauty, and begin thinking about some of my female friends that i had a better connection with before. Then i realize i have experienced this place before, in some way. I feel a wave of energy rush through me. Suddenly I'm no longer in a bus, but walking on a path in the forest of Paradise Falls. I feel the pulse rising, what the hell is happening. I continue walking, but the path disappears. I feel lost.

The trees are starting to look blurry and loosing their shape. I think to myself "No, now I'm doing this." Things are still fading away, it feels like I'm awakening. I sharpen my intention, and yell of all my strength "I WANT CLARITY!" It worked, I did it. I'm back in. Now another challenge appears, the scare of knowing that the dream "reads" my every though. Small gnomish trolls starts popping up everywhere, but i focus on truly believing that I'm the one in control here and the trolls dissipates.

I'm not sure i have "achieved" full lucidity, so i decide that now i need to really break some barriers. The forrest is dimming away and the color is graying, I'm fading and know that i have to be more confident for this to work. I again demand clarity, then i need to figure how to reinforce my lucidity. "I decide what's possible here and not". So i walk down to the shore, I begin to take a step onto the surface of the water. Jesus style. A split second before my foot hits it, i have a moment of doubt. This was enough to instead of making me walk the water like some demi-god, plunge headfirst into the lake. "Are you kidding me??" I'm thinking, as (and this was far from intentional) I start to rise up from the water and realize I'm actually flying. I laugh to myself a moment at how my mind have a weird way of working, then i take conscious control of the flying and soar to the skies.

Everything is so clear and vivid, and i really feel Paradise Falls to be a fitting name for this place. It feels like it's actually my backpack doing the levitating, as i feel the straps tighten around my shoulders. Then trying to visualize some wings, unsuccessfully.

Now i'm almost just flying on autopilot, like a bird i glide through the valley. Then i remember "I can't get too entrance by the beauty of it all, that's how i usually loose my lucidity." I fly down to a little white cabin, the door is locked so i think to myself that this memory must be a bit corrupt since i can't get inside (still believing i have been here before, but never in my waking life as i can remember). I see a crow up on the roof and head up to greet it. I decide that i want to try something with this black bird, and suddenly it's size changes to that of a butterfly (same with the lift-off, not an conscious decision and i realize this is my subconscious filling in where i lack the intention).

Every spot the crow touches on the cabin starts turning black as a wet paper would with the touch of an paintbrush with some black watercolor. I start to feel entranced again and decide i need to try something new, I make a leap to fly down to the ground. Like a cartoon character hanging in the air for a moment, suddenly I can't fly anymore and fall to the ground. Luckily i maintain the dream although i got a little stomach tingle from the jump.

I walk into the cabin, it's unlocked now. Trying to figure out what to try, and ended on elemental magic. More specifically flame-conjuring, something I'm somewhat successful in doing but can't seem to get 100% control of the looks and behavior of the flame.

Suddenly I'm pulled out of the dream, and kinda puzzled i feel that i have to go to the bathroom so bad that i can barely get down keywords of the dream (before i start getting out of bed and forgetting).
This dream felt like the real breakthrough i have been wanting for some while now, having the possibility to test out some ideas I've had for a while, and realizing that it's a lack of confidence limiting my lucid dreaming. Ironically all my reading about beginners-limits, is the real limit. Free your mind.

I knew a very friendly cat with reddish/orange fur. I think she lived in a shelter, other cats were around too, and maybe other animals. I can’t remember. Some people around me were trying to do something with cotton balls, some kind of kickstarter project. They were inspired by cat to make red fur from cotton balls. The process was to comb through a cotton ball until it was strands and then dye it red and sell it by the bag. We all thought it was a brilliant idea, although can’t remember what we thought people would want with w bag full of red cotton.

More red: A red-haired guy gave me a ride home. He seemed creepy, in a pushy way. He wanted to come in to my place for some reason, and i think I let him, maybe to go to the toilet or something. Then wanted to stay longer and I told him to leave. I remember he had a weird smile on his face as I basically forced him out of my front door.

I was at my mom’s house (random made-up dream home) My uncle was there and we were talking. I saw a crow, wanted to feed it peanuts. I told my uncle to hold on while I went inside to get some nuts. I grabbed some, and I was holding them up in my hand so I could show the crow that I had some nuts to feed it. My uncle was laughing at me, and he took a nut and said, ‘Here’s how you do it!’ and threw it at the crow. I was angry because I thought he scared the bird and was being rude.

I had a friend– sometimes her hair was red, sometimes she was a blonde. She was a newish friend, and I felt I didn’t trust her completely although we were spending a lot of time together. At one point, I was in the back of a cab, she was on my right and my husband on my left. They seemed to be getting along well. I was considering the fact that I don’t drink anymore, and they both do. I felt that my husband probably thinks this friend is more exciting than me.

I was going to move back in with my mom for some reason, work related I think. My husband was now some guy I had only been dating for about a month. Up until now we both lived in a house we shared with other people. I wasn’t sure this guy even really liked me that much, the relationship was new, and I think the guy had a reputation for dating lots of women before me. This friend was moving in to this house when I left, I was not happy about this. I was trying to have a discussion with this friend about how I felt about her moving in. Friend was polyamorous and acting like I was being unreasonable and prudish. Right before I woke up I was deciding that I just needed to break things off guy because none of this was worth it.

I was in car with my mother— she was driving and we were on freeway. She was driving erratically, and I asked her if she could slow down. She said she drives slow.
I told her i felt afraid, and said I always have dreams with her driving and we wreck. [Good chance to be lucid here, but did not. I think we actually wrecked.]

I was eating a salad from a white cardboard to go box, and I saw what I had thought was black pepper move and realized that they were little bugs. I discreetly chewed the last bite and closed the box so no one would know I had been eating bugs.

I was standing outside on a sidewalk in a small unfamiliar town. I saw a guy on a roof above me. He had a crow sitting on his arm, one he was rehabbing. Although he crow wasn’t doing tricks or talking, it seemed significant. There was a crowd of people around him on the roof.

Later, I was in a campus atmosphere. I felt awkward, was by myself. A kid I went to school with [F] walked over to me and sat close to me. He put his arm around me in an indirectly threatening way. I was afraid of him, but also was happy to get attention. He commented on my cool red combat boots. Strangely I wasn’t wearing them, they were sitting on the ground next to me. F then moved to smell my hair and started to kiss the back of my neck. I was paralyzed with fear even though we were out in the open. He had a power over me that I can’t explain.

In the same campus atmosphere I went to steps nearby and sat there and then pulled my panties down and peed in what I thought was a discreet manner. People saw me I thought, including my professor. I suddenly realized that I should stop doing this, I’m not being as discreet as I thought.

I was on my way to the airport to pick up some cousins(?) coming from both KY and Germany. A woman I work with was also arriving there and was there to work with us. I was ready to go back to the car but she said they were going to stay at the airport and work for about 9 more hours. I left without them, not feeling rude or worried at all about how they would get to my place.
Eventually we were all back at my place (dream, never been there before) and working on something around a coffee table. Tan carpet. Bland furniture.
Then I was living (or my parents were living here) in a giant, beautiful house with a large backyard and a pool that I have dreamt about before.
There seemed to be a kind of party going on, it was perpetually evening with lowlight but not nighttime. An old friend was there, other forgotten people, and several exes. Each ex showed up by themselves and claimed to still have feelings for me. I didn’t think it was a good idea to revisit any of these relationships, but I did tell one that we could just maybe hang out as friends for a while and see how things went.
In the pool and I saw a crow underwater, like it had drowned. It seemed to be stuck against the side of the pool about 3 feet below the surface. I felt sorry for it but did not think about it for long. I saw my old friend goober and attempt to grab it but she couldn’t reach it for some reason. Eventually one of my oldest exes swam over and without a word managed to get it and put it on the side of the pool. I looked it the crow, sopping wet, and felt sad again and that twinge of whatever that feeling is when your around something that is dead.
Then the crow started to move! It slowly sat upright and seemed to be practicing opening and closing it’s beak. I exclaimed to my ex: It was DEAD!!! It is coming back to LIFE! (Good chance to become lucid here, but alas) I moved towards the crow and it looked my way, but in the way that a blind person does, like the crows eyes weren’t working very well yet.

I walked around the pool and patio and collected clothes. Actually just several pairs of my pants, all drenched and muddy from apparently being rained on? Not the kind of wetness that comes from pool splashing. Next to one pair of pants were two black runes with white markings on them. I also picked up a tweed tote bag, still with a tag on it.

Two different people at this gathering had journals that used to being to Obama— one was like a brainstorming journal with sketches and notes and the other was more planned and put together.

I was in a small circular room, and my perspective was from the ceiling near a wall. I seemed to be floating without a body. I watched a woman do weird hand tricks with snakes. All I could see was her arm (not sure how, I know there was a small audience in the room too) The snakes ranged from normal size to giant, perhaps the girth of a couch. the biggest snake was yellow. The woman’s hand made odd formations and touched the snakes periodically on the heeds, which transfixed them, and kept them from biting her. She almost got bit once, but managed to pull off some amazing stunt with her hand and the snakes left the room one by one.

Thoughts:
Different kind of ex dream here. The perpetual evening of this dream gave it a particularly surreal vibe. The backyard and pool were comforting, the kind of feeling I’ve had when vacationing at really nice homes. Safe, warm. I’m not rue what the crow means. Crows in waking life are important to me, so it isn’t unusual for me to dream about them, but these circumstances feel a little symbolic, but Im not sure of what.
I’ve had dreams of large snakes before, several times in fact, but this one felt almost shamanic.
The Obama reference, just weird!

I was floating in an ocean in mostly darkness, although I could see below the surface of the water. I could see my legs moving to keep me afloat, and a long rope attached to me, via my waist I believe. On the other end was a camera. I was part of some experiment for me or an unknown identity to explore depths of this water.

Later:
I reunited with an ex from my distant past. I'll call him Jake. My first memory of the dream is Jake and I laying in bed in the morning, sitting up with our backs propped on pillows against the wall. We were talking, and Jake said, 'Don't go falling in love right away.' I was not in fact feeling happy I was there, and felt like perhaps I had made a mistake. I said, 'I'm not, don't worry.' Jake looked hurt, and I realized he had actually seemed very happy we had re-connected, and maybe I had hurt his feelings. We were on some kind of trip, and we were leaving this day. I packed up, and Jake didn't talk to me much. Randomly my mom was there, as well as my step-dad, accompanying us on our journey home. Next we were in a car with a young version of my bio-dad driving. I was in the back, Jake in the front. He said, "We need to talk later, and I hope you remember what you promised me back [at the bleachers? football field? I have a vague image in my mind of what he meant, but I don't remember what he said]. I also didn't remember what I had promised him and I felt a little nervous, and a little like a jackass and I thought I was probably ending things once again with Jake and he would hate me.

Next Jake and I (and maybe my family?) are in a grocery. I have an old, ragged roller suitcase. I stand next to a store employee and notice a crow at his feet. The crow is eating tiny crumbs of debris from the floor. I laugh to the store employee and we both agree the crow is a great little helper (keeping the floors clean). The crow begins to peck and tug at my suitcase, but I don't care because it's old. Then without my direct recognition of this in the dream, the crow is a dog, like an Australian Shepherd, and we are playing tug of war with my suitcase.

We stopped at a small Bed and Breakfast, my mom and her husband resurfaced. They showed us the rooms we would be staying in. The entire Bed and Breakfast shared one kitchen. I didn't like this idea but I wasn't too bothered because I knew we were only staying one night. It was a cozy place, like a grandmother's home. Jake, an older man [replacement for my Dad and Stepdad?] and I sat around the kitchen table. Jake was talking about how many horrible people there are in the world. I said, 'But there are lots of great people too,' I start to mention how I also think about how everyone was once an innocent child, but Jake seems not to care what I have to say. A baby crawls into the room and spills a small amount of soda on the rug. I laugh and the baby giggles, and I teach it how to clean up the spill. The baby, clad in a diaper, seems to only be around 8 months - 1 year old. I ask Jake and the man if they have seen that funny new Hitler movie. 'You know, the German one, where Hitler time travels to present day after he thought he killed himself? It's really pretty funny in some spots."


Thoughts:
The ocean beginning seems very obviously symbolic of me looking deep into my emotional past or sub-conscious. I can also see how it is a well-executed prelude to the following dream. As far as the 2nd dream, I have been dreaming rather frequently about various exes, and finding myself stuck in relationships with them again. I'm afraid this says something about my latent insecurities about my marriage; aspects of it that remind me of things in past relationships I didn't like, or things about myself that I don't like. In waking life I am very happily married, and although my husband and I are working to better ourselves, I suppose I am looking forward to a time in the future where these things have changed.

I only remembered my dreams from later in the night.
I remember a fragment about Gov. Bobby Jindal dropping out of the run for presidency. I know there was more to the dream but I can't remember it.
I am in my church basement playing volleyball in my gym class. One of my friends walks up to me and tells me the results of the Iowa caucuses. I take my friend by the shoulders and say to her, "I knew what the results were about two seconds after they came out. Ok, probably more like five minutes."
I'm at Hogwarts in one of the classes. Harry asks Dumbledore a question and Dumbledore answers, "whatever you say will be your punishment." Then we are outside near Hogwarts and the Forbidden forest. There is a giant crow laying on the ground next to us. (Harry Ron, Hermione.) Then Dumbledore says something about Voldemort never seeing death before, and someone lights a match and throws it on the crow. We are all very horrified at this.

I'm a bit disappointed in myself for managing my time so poorly lately.
Somehow I have picked up a really bad habit of procrastinating.
And because of this I end up spending much less time on LD activities than I intend to.
I'm seriously considering to block reddit/youtube like sites for a few days a week...



I find myself on a beach. It is quite late, the sun is going down.
I should probably walk back to the hotel before it gets too dark...
Unfortunately I don't recognize any of the buildings alongside the beach.
Am I lost? How does that even happen?

Realizing that the situation is somewhat out of the ordinary I try to increase my awareness.
However, my thoughts feel scrambled. I am unable to come to a conclusion.
Now what? Am I dreaming or not? This does feel pretty real...
I decide to fall back on a more robust technique, the nose plug RC.

I can breathe normally through my plugged nose. This is a dream.
Wait really? I look at my hands and they seem perfectly normal.
I walk over to the first person I find, which is an elderly man, whom I assume is walking back to his hotel.

"Excuse me."
"Yes?"
"Am I dreaming?"

The man seems rather confused by my question.
In retrospect, that was probably not the most intelligent thing to do.
I decide that the answer to my question should be behind myself.
I turn back towards the ocean.

This is no longer the beach I was on previously on. This is my beach!
I must have changed scenes during the short moment when I was turning.
Sweet!

I try to remember my dream goals, and for once I actually manage to remember them!
My only dream goal at the moment is to "calm the fuck down".

(Lately I often forget to properly stabilize my dreams when I become lucid.
And then to make up for it, I rush through the dreams out of fear that they might end prematurely,
which is of course the worst possible thing to do.)

I slowly walk towards the ocean, taking all the time in the world.
The sound of the water is very relaxing, and I love the contrast between the warm sand and the refreshingly cold ocean breeze.
Eventually I take a few steps into the ocean, getting my feet wet. The water is very cold.

As I look at the stars, I feel a familiar presence.
It's Yuya! This is going to be a great night.

Ever since I found this picture and felt that it reminded me of her,
she's been playing around with hair colors a lot.
Today it's mostly orange and blue.
She can change it simply by shaking her head.
She's smiling at me the way she always does.

"Come out and play?"

At first I find it a little amusing that she phrases her question this way.
But then it reminds me of when I was very young, and I'd go knocking on the neighbours door to ask them to come out and play in the street.
Back then there was nothing to worry about, no important decisions to make.
I'd ask my friends to come out with the sole goal of having a good time.
Perhaps what I initially found a little odd, was after all the perfect way to phrase it.

This starts off a series of DEILDs.
I've written down the fragments I remember.
Unfortunately I don't remember them very well.
The last few moments before I woke up are quite clear, but everything before that is a bit of a blur.

Fragment 1:
I help Yuya prepare dinner at her place.
I'm not of much help though, given that I don't know any of the herbs and spices she has, nor the meat that she wants to prepare.
She is very patient with me, and explains how to prepare everything,
even though she knows that I probably won't remember any of it.
It takes us a good hour to prepare everything.
Liv joins us for dinner. (And there was someone else as well I think.)
Everything tastes absolutely wonderfully.
Later, I help Yuya to do the dishes.
She knows that my dream time is limited, and I can feel that it makes her really happy that I spend it with her,
even if it means doing something as mundane as doing the dishes.

Fragment 2:
In my scribble DJ I wrote "Dance" "Leaf in the wind" and "Happy".
I don't remember anything about this fragment though, and I don't recall taking these notes.

Fragment 3:
We're at a Café, sitting outside, enjoying the good weather and some amazing drinks.

Crow joins us. He felt my presence so he came by to say hi.
Since there's drinks and Yuya and Liv are here, he obviously decides to stay.
He ends up ordering something that isn't on the menu.

They bring us a plate with very small pipettes on it, all containing a small amount of a yellow liquid.
It's quite fun really, you use the pipette to place a single drop of the liquid onto your tongue.
It immediately gives you that cold chill / frisson feeling all over your body.
It also tastes rather sour. Perhaps a little like lemon juice.

Fragment 4:

Crow, Yuya and I are on some sort of airship.
It looks more like an old sail ship though, nothing like an actual airship.
Does fly rather well though, even though I'm sure this violates a few laws of physics.
According to Crow, there are very few of these, and it is very difficult to get a ride on one.
It is quite late and we all sit on the front deck watching the sun go down.
Yuya leans against me because she is really tired.

Crow is telling a very captivating story about love and betrayal.
It is quite an emotional story.
Usually his stories are about himself, and he exaggerates... a lot, I'm pretty sure he even makes stuff up on occasion.
His stories are quite amazing though, I'll give him that. Plus, he's a fantastic story teller.
I don't mind that he does this, we all know that it's for entertainment.
But this time around he claims that it is a fictional story about another person.
And then there's the way he narrates it. It is quite different. More serious, and seemingly less exaggerated.
I'm convinced that this time, he's actually telling a genuine story from his past.
The story eventually comes to an end. (It was a little sad, but I recall that there was a silver lining)

"Say, aren't you supposed to wake up or something? You've been staying for an awfully long time."
"Oh Crow... you're not supposed to remind dreamers about that."
"Why not?"
"Waking up is not something you want to think about."
"Why?"
"It could make you wake up."
"It can?"
"Unfortunately, yeah."
"That is rather inconvenient."
"It is."
"Seriously though, isn't it bad for you to spend entire days asleep so that you can be here?"
"Haha, I appreciate your concern Crow, I really do, but fortunately it doesn't work quite like that."
"I assure you, on the other side I've been asleep for a few hours at most."
"Huh, that is quite fascinating. It is good to know that I don't have to worry then."
"I'll make sure not to mention anything about waking up in the future."
"Thanks mate. I appreciate it."
"Sure... mate."

(There was a joke earlier in the dream about saying "mate", but I cannot quite recall what it was.)

"Anyways, I'm afraid I have to get going. I'm running late."
"Take care."
"So long."

Crow charges forwards and disappears in a cloud of colorful particles.
I think that's the first time I've seen him do that.
The dream is slowly becoming unstable.
I can no longer see beyond the airship.
The airship itself has also become somewhat blurry and desaturated.

Only Yuya I can still see clearly.
She seems to have fallen asleep, resting her head on my shoulder.
I can feel her chest expand against me as she breathes.
Even if it is just for a short moment, perhaps for just a fraction of a second,
it makes me really believe that she is out there somewhere, and not a construct of my own mind.
Sometimes I wish I could entertain this thought for longer, because I find it quite beautiful...

I'm at friends place in Cairo. He is preparing a huge feast.
I am somewhat confused because we keep switching between English and French.
Eventually I end up on the balcony and become lucid when I realize that I am far too comfortable speaking French.
(After living in Germany for 7 years, I no longer am)
I decide to jump off the balcony (3th or 4th floor I think) to change the scene.
(I don't know why I've been doing this lately. It's not a very good means of changing scenes)

I end up on the beach, which is a recurring dream scene.
It is always dawn whenever I get here. The sky is a nice warm orange.
Walking bare feet over the sand is very pleasant.
I pick up some sand and play with it as I walk towards an area of interest.
Usually the beach is empty, but occasionally I find something interesting.

This time there is a rectangular black frame.
Once I get closer I can see that the frame is not empty.
It refracts light in an odd way, and taints everything purple.
Almost as if there was a very thin layer of a purple liquid.


I poke it with my right index finger. It buzzes me and ripples begin forming on the surface.
The feeling is rather pleasant. It tingles a little.
I drag my finger across it, creating complex patterns with the ripples.
At least a minute goes by until I realize that I'm not being very productive.
I step through the frame, which I assume is a portal to another place.

I end up on another beach. It is similar to 'my beach', except that there are quite a few people here.
There's also a few tents, and music! I try to engage more of my senses and make the music louder.
I feel a familiar presence and move towards it.

Close to the water I find some people dancing, a few others relaxing, having drinks that glow in the dark...
and Crow. Sitting in a fucking Sofa, whereas everyone else is sitting in the sand.

He's telling some grand story of his, and everyone seems quite captivated by it.
Every single time... This bird really does know how to tell a story.
Always surrounded by women, always a drink within reach. Dude knows how to have a good time.
He senses me as I approach closer.

"Yooooooooooo!"
"Yo."
"Hyu mate, how have you been?"

I don't really have any time to answer before he starts bombarding me with more questions.

"How's Yuya? And the other one? The cute one with horns and the tail?"
"Liv..."
"The one with the big boobs."
"Really Crow? She's called Liv."
"She is rather well endowed though."
*Sigh*
"How did you get here anyways?"
"This place ain't exactly on the grid."
"Walked through a purple portal on a beach created by my subconscious mind."
"..."
"You dreamers, you're all a bit messed up in the head."
"Subconscious here, Dream Guide there. Something something awareness and lucidity. I don't understand any of it."
"That's okay Crow. Neither do we."

We both laugh.

Some naked lady with an absolutely amazing body painting brings drinks.
They all glow in different colors. I take the blue/orange one.

"Cheers mate."

It is a rather strong alcoholic beverage. It's quite fruity, a little sweet.
Judging by the amount of empty glasses, Crow has consumed an amount of alcohol that would easily be lethal to any human being.
But he's Crow. I'm not even sure if he can get drunk.

Crow resumes telling his story. It's about space ships and smuggling...

I'm not really paying attention though. I look at the people dancing.
They all have these really cool glowing body paintings.
It's quite fascinating.

Later I talked with Crow some more, but I can't remember what the conversation was about.

Date: 20th July

Pre bed: 200mg valerian, 100mg B6

Dream quality and recall: Dreams were quite vivid today. Generally, I wasn't feeling very comfortable in bed and had lots of these drink then pee moments. Took short key notes with regards to non-lds. Daringly reviewed the ld in my head then went back for more but fell into normal sleep and woke up shortly after.

Summary

Dr1: In a place I used to live, a crow flies in. I use a pc/tablet to chat with other people about it.

Dr2: I am in an SUV and have to deal with some bad guys outside. After I do, extra stars are added to my profile. Martin Freeman (the Hobbit) is sitting to my right and thinks I don't deserve all the stars.

Dr3: Back to school. As I enter the classroom everybody is preparing for a 7 page History + Grammar test. I am very pissed off at my friend for not telling me about the test. She replies that I still have time to prepare by learning all the answers in the break just before the test. I cannot possibly do that.

DILD: As I made the mistake of not taking notes and then going back to bed after the ld, the beginning of this dream is gone from memory. All I remember is that there was something going on in the building and I am talking to someone I know, possibly another classmate by the feel of it. After the conversation in this very large building with open spaces, like a mall, I suddenly become lucid for no apparent reason. I can't contain my excitement, so start running around like crazy. It feels really good until I sense slight destabilization staring to take hold. That sobers me up and I think it is time to do tasks. My mind feels a bit foggy but I nevertheless recall one that I can execute here - punch a President.

There are lots of DCs passing by and my first idea is to get Mr. Sarkozy to emerge from the crowd, so I quickly scan the DCs in front of me and expect him to appear. He doesn't, so I grab a random male DC and decide that I will turn him into Sarkozy. As soon as I concentrate on his face, his features begin to shift right in front of my eyes, which is extremely cool! His nose changes shape several times, until it is a close match to Sarkozy's nose. I also succeed with the ears. The DC reminds me of Sarkozy, but the eyes are not quite the same. I would say he is a 70 percent match. I punch him in the face and the moment I do, his features change again. Slightly annoyed that I cannot properly punch and maintain the view of the right person I punch him again and again, while trying to change his features back to those of Sarkozy. As I don't project too much feeling, this DC simply stays there, staring at me, some distress in his eyes. Interestingly, after punching him, I begin to feel strong pain in the area of my nose, as if I am the one that got punched. Not fully satisfied, I want to turn him into another politician, but before I can transform him the dream slips away. I quickly pass through the void and into my sleeping body. Bad moment to go back as I was feeling uncomfortable in the position in which I was sleepy.

Crow and I find ourselves in some sort of temple.
It seems like the room we're in was entirely carved out of some kind of bright stone.
Even though everything looks very clean, it has a neglected feel to it.
Nobody has stepped foot here for a very long time.
Some plants appear to have made the rather futile attempt of growing on the walls.
They were doomed from the beginning though. There is no soil here, no himidity...
Makes you wonder how they got here in the first place.

"Nobody home."



I walk around a little to get a better feel for the place we've found ourselves in.
It seems like this is a single room without any doors or windows.
It is huge though. The ceiling must be at least 20 meters high.
The walls and the floor are engraved with all sorts of things, reaching from long forgotten animals to oddly shaped symbols that I don't recognize.
Even though everything is made from the same material, there's a lot of variation to the place.
It's kind of beautiful in it's own way.

"No way in, no way out, what is this place? Who would build something like this, this place makes no sense."
"What's the purpose of a room without an entrance?"

I think I get it. Sort of. A little bit.

"I don't think this is a room Crow."
"A truly fantastic obvservation Hyu. Your sense of deduction never fails to amaze me."
"So tell me friend. This... ROOM here, you know... if it is not a room, than what is it?"
"... It's... like a doorway."
"A doorway... Listen Hyu, you're not making any sense."
"You said it yourself, there is no purpose to a room without an entrance."
"So naturally, if the room has no entrance it must be a doorway? Whaaaat?"

"Well, there's a little more to it than that."
"Look, we're pretty much at the exact location that you found, right? But it still feels like we're off somehow."
"Yet there is no way to get any closer..."
"Not because there is something preventing us from physically getting closer, but because there is no point in space closer to the location than where we stand."
"But clearly, we're still at some distance."

"Whaaaaaat? That is a clear contradiction."
"It's... shifted."
"Shifted?"
"I don't know what to call it. We're in the correct location, but not quite in the right... dimension?"
"Right... what?"
"There's more to this realm than what is physical. Your spirit for example, it interacts with the physical world, but it is not located in it."
"Oh. Yeah. That kind of makes sense actually."
"How do you go to another dimension?"

Yeah... about that...
Oh hold on a second. I have done this before haven't I?
To go to a non-physical place you have to leave behind the physical.

"Crow, can you mind my body?"
"Mind the... Hyu what the fuck?"
"What? Phoenix abilities and stuff."
"But why would you voluntarily leave your own body? Isn't that dangerous???"
"Hmm..."
"HMM??? YOU DON'T KNOW???"
"Oh calm down, It probably isn't. I've done it before."
"Probably he says..."

I sit down in the middle of the room and concentrate on my own aura.
I then begin to gently separate it from my body and let it drift towards the location Crow found.
And just like that, I find myself in the same room, except... well... it's kind of different.
Everything is much brighter and desaturated. I also feel an odd out of place sensation.
I also have no body, and more importantly, I'm not alone.



There's another person sitting right in front of me.
I say person, but it's kind of difficult to tell.
It's more like a body of light in the shape of a human but genderless being.
Whoever he or she (I'll go with she because of the feminine hair) is, she has her eyes closed, like she's meditating.
I feel like I'm intruding. It seems kind of rude just to enter this place without asking for permission first.
Then again, I wouldn't have known how to do that. I should at least say something though.
But what do I say? I'm not even sure what I'm here for exactly...

"Hi!"

Smooth Hyu. Very smooth.
She looks at me, revealing eyes of pure light.
She answers with a soothing yet assertive voice.

"Here you are."
"Erm... yes?"

Awkward... now what? Oh well, might as well just say it.

"I... I'm not entire sure why I came here."
"You are here because twelve men are after your life, and you are uncertain as to how to deal with that situation."

12 men. The templars. She knows.
I get the feeling that I am yet again dealing with someone who knows more about my life than I do.
But I suppose this is a good thing. If she knows about my situation she might be able to help me.
Suddenly there is hope again...
but... I don't feel it?
Shouldn't I be excited? Shouldn't I feel hopeful right now?
All I feel is eerieness. Everything feels off.
I have no time to deal with those feelings though.
There are more important things at hand.

"I need help."

She takes some time to reply. I can see that she has a difficult time processing the things I say and formulating her thoughts into words.

"Yes. You have come here for help. Your path has stopped in this very location..."
"... There is a decision you have to make."

Usually I'd ask a thousand questions right now. But today is different.
I just go with the flow, not minding that I do not understand.

"I will offer you an item. An item of great importance..."
"You will take it. And then your path will inevitably lead to death."
"Death?"
"Yes."

She doesn't seem concerned about this at all.

"But... you said I had to make a decision."
"Yes. You will take the item."

For some reason I jump to a conclusion expaining why she expresses herself the way she does.
It seems perfectly obvious to me.

"You... you aren't experiencing time the way I do."
"Yes, I see what can be. I see the paths connecting the present to the future."
"But time is always in motion. There are so many possibilities. And every action taken, every decision made has the capability to reorganize the web that is time."
"Yet you already know which decision I will make. You already know that I will take an item from you."
"Yes. Some paths are more likely than others."
"The men that are after you. That is why they hunt you..."

I had a feeling the templars weren't after me purely because I was a dragon. What does that even mean? Being a dragon.

"There are special points in time. Fixed points in time. Points that will always occur."
"So many paths lead to them that some of them will inevitably cross at this very point."
"The men after you must have seen that your path intersects a point that is of great importance to them."
"While it is impossible to foresee the future, one can remove all paths that are not beneficial to oneself, thus increasing the chance of a favorable outcome."

So that is why they are after me. It makes sense. They are going to do something of great importance.
And they have seen that my timeline crosses that event, so they are killing me ahead of time, ensuring that I cannot influence the event.
You cannot forsee the future. But you can influence it in your favor.
But this doesn't matter right now. Nothing matters besides them. I have to deal with them as soon as possible.
I have a few days at most. Maybe only a few hours.

The being summons a small orb of light in her hand and makes a gesture suggesting that I should take it.

"So this is the item that I will take. A decision that will lead me to death."
"Yes. As promised."
"But... will I win?"
"All I can tell you is that it will influence your path greatly."
"And... as promised?"
"You do not remember."

I've heard that a few times too often. "You do not remember". But this time it doesn't matter.
This time I don't care about all the unanswered questions.
She is right. My decision is already made, even if I do not know why.
My right hand is already grabbing towards the orb.
I only hold onto it for a brief moment before it is absorbed by myself.

"Thank you."

I say... in a rather faint voice.
Everything is clear now. At least everything of importance. There is no need for further questions.

I know what this orb is... and I know why I am going to die...

Trying to post stuff again.
I think I'll write down dreams related to the templar story first, because I really want to have that stuff written down properly, so I figure I might as well start there.
I'll get to more current dreams after that.

My vision normalizes as my naked feet gently touch down in the sand. I'm on a beach.
I am somewhat blinded by the reflection of the sun on the near white ground.
It is very hot; I can clearly feel the pressure of the heat on my skin.
There's a lot of noise. People running into the ocean. Kids playing ball.
Music coming from god knows where. People seem to be partying.

All in all it feels rather uncomfortable. It isn't the heat or the noise though.
I'm not in a good mood. I don't feel like being surrounded with joy right now. It just doesn't feel right.
Now where's that fucking bird... yes... of course. At a bar talking to some girls.
Where else would he be?


He's a rather interesting creature. You don't meet many talking birds, and this one definitely has an attitude.
This one is pitch black with a single red feather in his tail, which I think he dyed that color.
It looks kinda cool actually, but he is a little full of himself. He also talks a lot.

As I approach the bar the girls leave giggling. He probably told them one of his famous stories.
I sit on the bar stool closest to him.

"Crow!"
"What the- Hyu!"
"Indeed"
"The fuck are you doing here mate? Did you bring Yuya? Where is Yuya?"
"What is it with you? Always only interested in the girls."
"What is it with you always calling me Crow?"

"You remind me of a talking bird going by that name."
"Uhuh? And who would that be? Are you making fun of me?"
"Crow helped save the worlds of Stark and Arcadia dear friend. He's a hero."

But that's not why I'm calling you Crow.

"Stark and Arcadia? I've never heard of such worlds."
"They're- worlds in another realm."

Or rather in a video game, but I feel like leaving out that detail.

"So, what brings you here? I've never seen you around here."

I pick up his drink because it is rather curious looking.
Further inspecion reveals that whatever it is, it has a rather acrid smell to it.
I put it back down.

"I'm looking for you actually."

His eyes widen.

"Who- me?!"
"Yes, you. I'd like to ask you for a favor."

He looks a bit confused... or... at least I think he does. It is rather difficult to read the facial expressions of a bird.

"I need to locate an aura."
"You humble me. I am fairly skilled at tracking auras, but I highly doubt that I could find someone that you cannot."
"You see, the problem is not that I am unable to do the tracking myself. The issue is that I'm quite unfortunately being tracked myself, so I do not wish to reveal myself."
"Hyu- are you in trouble?"
"You have no idea friend."
"Wait. Seriously?"

*Sigh*

"It's pretty bad, can you help me out?"
"Yes! Of course!"
"There's a catch."
"Naturally..."
"I- I'm not entire sure what it is I'm looking for. I'll have to see what you see."
"You want to use the dragon eyes on me..."
"Indeed."
"Shit- bugger- fuck-"
"You okay?"
"Yes, yes. Follow me. I know a quiet spot."

He knows what's coming for him. I must have used the eyes on him in the past... I think?
I follow Crow into some sort of small tent.
He lands on a pedestral and I kneel down in front of im to get our eyes leveled.

"Are you ready?"
"No! Of course I'm not ready you moron."
"Moron?"
"Go ahead. Just please- try not to kill me."
"Any danger is entirely up to you."
"Yes yes. Don't resist. I know, I know. Let's just get this over with."

It is fairly safe to use the dragon eyes on someone as long as they do not resist.
Clearly the sharing of minds is not what the ability is intended for though.
It is a rather intrusive ability, and it goes against your basic instincts not to resist against it.
I stare into his pitch black eyes. He seems fairly relaxed which is good. This shouldn't hurt him.
I force myself into his mind using the dragon eyes. My vision fades.
The first thing I feel is fear and discomfort.
I can't blame him for that. It must be immensely uncomfortable to have someone intrude your mind like this.
Fortunately I feel no resistance from him at all. His self-control is rather commendable.

"You're doing well crow."
"Obviously."
"Yes..."

A new scene appears.


A shared hallucination caused by the usage of the dragon eyes.

"This place gives me the creeps."
"Well. There ain't no girls in bikinis dancing about."
"No shit."

Well then. Time to see if that feeling is merely a delusion or if there is actually something behind it.

"Alright. Reach out as far as you're comfortable with. I'll try to guide your search."
"Mmmmmmhm"

I attempt to visualize whatever presence Crow feels as points of lights in front of me.
To my surprise, the only image that pops up is that of two rather largely breasted girls wearing bikinis.
The girls he was talking to at the bar earlier...

"Crow... focus!"
"But dear friend. I'd say that I am rather focused. Are you not impressed by how clear this memory is?"
"Dude... seriously?"
"The image... so clear and crisp... mmmmh."
"... This is really not the time for-"
"Boobs? There's always time for boobies!"
"Pervert..."
"Pervert? You morbid cunt!"
"A morbid what now?"
"You heard me. Lousy, moronic fuckwit."

*Sigh* That bird likes to curse.

"I'm waiting for an apology!"

This is the point where I'm supposed to call him an incompetent and imbecilic waste of natural selection.

"Sorry... I'm really not in the mood for this."
"You... I..."
"Are you done? I really need to figure this out."
"Well... yes... sorry..."

I think he finally understands that this is serious.
I'm not blaming him for not taking me serious immediately though.
It's not like I'm known as a serious person. I like messing about. But today is different.

After a surprisingly short amount of time, Crow manages to focus on something that matches what I'm looking for.
I underestimated him. This was quite fast, especially considering the nature of what I'm searching for.

"Eeehm. The fuck is this? This is not a person?"
"Also where is this? This doesn't feel like a proper location. Something's off. Did I do it wrong?"
"Hmm... I'm not entirely sure where this is, or what it is that you have found. But I'm fairly certain that you have found exactly what I'm looking for."

This is very odd indeed. I know exactly what he means when he says that something's off. Something doesn't feel quite right, but I am uncertain as to why.
I can focus on any point close to the location, but not the very location itself.
It should also not have been possible to find anything using merely a vague feeling as a guide.

"Crow. I'm going there right now."
"That doesn't seem safe. Do you have any idea what to expect? I mean, you're not even sure what you're looking for."
"Nope."
"I'm tagging along."
"Huh? Why is that?"
"Curiosity."

After releasing Crow from my eyes, I have him sit on my shoulder and teleport the both of us to some point in close proximity to the location we've found...