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PART 1 - CROCODILE DODGING WITH G

I'm walking through a water filled area with my friend G. I have to swim from one platform to another to stay above. When I get there, G informs me there are crocodiles in the water.

A bit further, walking along, a crocodile lunges out of a small puddle at me, about three times... but it's kind of moving in slow motion, and isn't coming at me full force, almost as if it's "pulling its punch."

I tell G that, "I need to get my old narcissism back, become A (old nickname from HS), I've become too understanding."

ANALYSIS

The crocodiles "pulling their punch" makes me think of a sheltered environment, being coddled, not exposed to "the real."

The narcissism bit seems literal. I actually do think that sometimes.

- - -

PART 2 - CAPTURED

I'm walking home, turning a corner just down the street, it's dark... a shady character starts coming right my direction from the other side of the street.

When he gets close, I say, "you lookin'?" referring to drugs, to make him think I might be useful somehow, so he won't attack.

He says, "what you got?" I hesitate, wanting to leave options open, making sure he thinks I have something he wants so he won't attack. "Uh, could be anything..."

He realizes I'm lying and decides to mug me. I take out some money and say I'll leave it on the ground for him to pick up once he backs up a certain distance, to ensure I can escape.

He goes along with it at first and gets close anyway and holds me down. I'm held captive, and taken to his group's apartment. I look around for anyone who might sympathize with my plight, but no one shows any sign.

In the light I see the original attacker guy is buff, bulky, with a buzz cut. I remember one other guy, skinny, wife beater, tattoos. There were others, sort of a party atmosphere.

I'm able to get a look out a window, but I see that the next building is too far away to jump to, we're too high up.

I either escape or am rescued, I don't remember. I'm now at the apartment of the "good guys." Similar party atmosphere, everyone is just chilling. They're into magic.

I see someone who looks like someone I work with, K. She is a "good person" and would fit into this culture. It turns out to be her twin sister, my hope for some type of familiarity is dashed.

Someone suggests I call the cops. I wonder why I hadn't thought of that.

I'm on the street (downtown somewhere). I see a cop, 50s, gray hair, mustache, cop hat... I tell him what happened. I don't remember his response. I don't remember at what point in the timeline this took place, it may have been later.

I'm back at the "good guys" place, and the "bad guys" break in - turns out they know magic too, except they're way more powerful than the good guys with it.

The original guy who attacked me is riding a flaming horse. I'm helpless, and think this is probably it for me.

ANALYSIS

This is the second time in a row there's been a shady character who I've tried to fool by leading them on with drugs associated with this same corner near my home! The previous time was on July 30th, before I started recording my dreams online.

"I'm walking down the street to work, it's dark, a shady Muslim dude (in full gear) heads in my direction presumably to mug me. I distract him by asking if he knows where I can find $1000 of weed to play on his self interest. He goes along with it, says we would have to leave the country. We drive the rest of the way and park outside my work. I ask how I would contact him in the future to make him think I was interested in the long term, so that he'll let me go for now. He knew I was lying all along, however, and became angry."

I feel like trying to "trick" the "attackers" is what got me sucked into the web (captured in last night's case)... like I was being punished for being deceptive. They both went along with it at first... like a test to see how deep I would dig my own hole.

This may link up with the message promoting sincerity from the "free beer" dream two days back. I feel this is applicable to me in that I tend to be hyper-aware of managing the impression others have of me, fundamentally out of fear that they won't like me.

The message that stands out, in essence: being deceptive out of fear is a trap that creates your own personal hell from which no one else can ever save you. This must be my "conscience."

I should focus on cultivating honesty; asking myself more in making decisions, "Do I feel good about doing this?"

PART 1 - FREE BEER AND UNDERCOVER COPS

I'm walking down the street across from where I work, it's night. Some girl, mid 20s, black hair, wearing a professional navy colored suit, is handing out cans of beer - like how some people hand out promotional flyers to everyone who passes by, except it's cans of beer half as tall as a normal can. I take it even though I don't drink. The top is already open when she hands it to me.

I continue down the road and these two older guys start following me, late 30s, one has very light blond hair, almost white, especially his eyebrows, mostly bald... reminds me of Hank from the show Breaking Bad. Don't remember anything about the other guy.

They keep within my personal space, and somehow I figure they must be undercover cops. I look at the Hank guy and call it out, "so, you must be..." He pretends not to know what I'm getting at. I say "nevermind" and cross the street toward work, they follow me.

When we get to the other side, they reveal their identity and ask about the beer, if I've been drinking or plan to. I say that I hadn't drank any and have no intentions of doing so, which is true. They hear the sincerity and conviction in my voice, believe me, and leave me be.

ANALYSIS

The thing that stands out most to me is my conviction when I told them I wasn't going to drink, and the fact that they believed me.

Perhaps a message about the importance of sincerity.

- - -

PART 2 - BAR ZOMBIES

I go to a bar with my dad. There are couches... all of the patrons are sitting silently, staring off awkwardly. Men and women in their 40s, at least some of them are dad's family. I realize that they're just there because they don't want to be alone.

There was a much more complex storyline involving dad as well, but can't remember...

ANALYSIS

I think the important part of this one was the realization that they just didn't want to be alone.

It makes me think of how people will lower their standards in relationships (romantic or otherwise) just to avoid loneliness.

I was feeling oddly lonely yesterday and spoke to someone who I'd previously dismissed as too irritatingly trivial to interact with, just to talk to someone, anyone. I did so more on my own terms than before, however, not changing the way I acted to match theirs. Instead, they changed to match mine. It actually did make me feel better.

- - -

PART 3 - FAIL AT FEMALE DANCE CLASS

I'm in a dance class meant for females. I can't do the movement properly for some reason, I keep swaying back and forth with my arms, but it's not correct. When the session ends, I do a backward roll over my left shoulder.

Teacher is in mid to late 40s, neck length brown hair, taught face with some wrinkles.

ANALYSIS

I generally consider myself fairly feminine in certain ways.

I'm not sure what would trigger that sense of not being able to "get it right," however.

Except perhaps losing repetitively as Zerg in Starcraft, but that seems a bit of a stretch. Oh well, I always try to come up with at least one possibility for each part.

- - -

PART 4 - INFUSING MOVEMENT WITH FEELING IN PAINTING

I think this is the same class as the one above.

A male teacher - 40s, quite fat, longer hair (ponytail?) - challenged by a student that they "can't paint," demonstrates in front of the class by making 2 simple marks of a dark blue. They're very slow and deliberate, he twists the brush to make two marks each conveying movement into the other, like a yin yang. I can see he's infusing much feeling into the movements.

I'm able to recognize it because this is something I do naturally. I allow the feeling to take over my hands. I remember clearly the feeling of my arms moving involuntarily with the brush in the air.

ANALYSIS

The feeling or lack there of conveyed in movement is something I notice in people at all times.

Perhaps this theme of feeling in movement was the result of being quite focused on the sensation of swaying my arms in the previous part.

In fact, thinking about it now, I was really quite aware of it in the moment. I think this may be the first sign of greater dream awareness. It makes sense that it would begin kinesthetically for me. Focusing on body awareness first in dreams may be my personal key to achieving lucidity.

I feel that this is a very important discovery. Progress!

- - -

FRAGMENT

Walking down a street, cars and shops, downtown in some city, night. Someone is impersonating Immortal Technique, one of their lines ends with "poke them in the eye," I think this is weak and not something they would say.

ANALYSIS

Possibly triggered by a post I made on here mentioning IT.

When I first woke up, I thought I would have no dreams to report today. It seems to take some time for me to recall.

For me it's not a matter of "getting it all onto paper quickly before I forget," it's more "keep waiting around until some random thought triggers a memory, which triggers another one..." and so on.

7/28/10

I haven't been having any "stand out" dreams lately.. I wake up barely remembering any or may have gone a few nights in a deep sleep. I just have been having those light dreams
..just nothing interesting about them. Just a quick update the dream I had about a baby in my arms..a family member of mine just found out they are pregnant with their first child.
I tend to know someone is going to have a baby by having dreams that I am having or holding one myself..
Weird..lol.

Last night I had a dream it felt like I was a in my very early teens.. I was on the front porch and remembering this gloomy orange light above me. It was the only light that was on ..other houses were dark I couldn't even see the color of their walls.
I turn to see my grandmother ( May she rest in peace) in my dream and she rarely is seen in my dreams.. this would be the 3rd time I have seen her since she passed away so many years ago.
I see the place slightly change instead of me standing on the front porch I was standing underneath train tracks.. ( in n.y we have some tracks elevated in some streets and sidewalks). So I am standing under this train station.. I am struggling at this point in my dream trying to take down any hidden messages or symbolic meanings.. I have habit looking for those in my dreams they r more interesting days later. . anyway
I am under the train tracks and once again I find myself knocking out a girl clear across on her back in the middle of a crowd. It felt good knocking her out because I felt attacked. She hit me and I just felt the need to hit her back after I was trying to calm the situation down.

I knocked her out and I see police officers coming towards me hands on their hips
So I start yelling " I had to defend myself! I had to defend myself!" I look over and see my grandmother and her face is puzzled.. she is not happy but she is not sad either.. it was more like " damn you didn't have to do that". I find guns pointed at me and I felt so weird.. it got so quiet ..I thought it was the last moment of my life..

That was it.. weird dream but decided to documented it anyway..

Originally, I was going to be writing about helping some DV members build a literal dream house, but an afternoon nap cropped up this gem. Part 2 will follow later tonight.

23.07.2010

Good Cop (Part 1 of 2) (Non-lucid)

★★★★☆

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

Feeling less than safe, even with my Riot Shield and full SWAT uniform, I quickly crouched and raised my shield as two thugs came up the stairs. I turned as they moved past me and MTM, making sure to keep the both of us safe in case they decided to start shooting. Glaring as they passed, I could see they were making their way further up into the mall. Maybe we should be going down, then.

Motioning to MTM, who was armed with a G36C, we began moving down the stairs. As we went, I would jump over the ledge each time we reached the halfway mark, making the descent even faster. Soon enough, we were on the tiled ground floor of this vertically structured mall.

PING! PEW! PING!

Becoming very much aware of the bullets ricocheting off my shield, I ducked down, protecting the both of us from the fire raining from above. I looked up to see the thugs from before firing at us with a G18 and a Mini Uzi from a balcony several floors up. Calmly, I took out my Intervention, and peered through the thermal sights. Taking a breath, I fired a warning shot at each, hitting the barrels of the assault rifles hanging from their necks. Although, they seemed un-phased as they switched to their ARs, which were functioning perfectly fine despite the holes I had made. . .

MTM took cover behind the stairs and lay down suppressive fire; I moved in closer to try and stop them. I made it a good distance, but a stray shot clipped my arm rather badly while I was putting my Riot Shield onto my back. Just like that, I was down for the count.

The world faded in and out, as the amount of gunfire increased twofold. An old squad-mate ran over to me, unconcerned for her own safety, as she stood over my failing body, firing up at the goons who started this mess. It looks like the calvary has arrived, I thought as everything turned to black. . .

Images flashed before my eyes. First, a scene of the two low-lifes explaining their position and admitting they were wrong to start shooting me like that, especially when they realized I could have taken them out at any moment. They showed the camera the damage I had done to their guns. Then, my time in the hospital drifted past my faint consciousness, and I became painfully aware of the toll the recovery process took on my psyche.

A meaner, more bitter cop than before, I would no longer hesitate to take out a perceived threat if they even looked at me funny. The only thing that kept me from going off the wall was my family, who weren't taking my personality change very well. I feared they could leave me at any time. . . .

This has to be one of my favorite dreams I've had in a while(well excluding my lucid ones). But anyways, i was inside my friend and ex band mate Andrews house. I haven't been at his house in months but im there kind of often in my dreams. And every time in my dream his house is massive, it's pretty big in real life but i think its because my friend Brendan told me before I first went over his house that it was huge. In the dream i was upstairs and Andrew's mom Suzane came in and asked me why I was there i never responded and grabbed a couple of big nuggets of weed. This was like extremely good bud too. It had these orange and purple hairs on it. I actually said out loud I only see this quality bud in my dreams, but i guess it never just clicked. Then i "remembered" that Incubus was down stairs and I told Suzane. we went downstairs in excitement to see them play. I got to the family room they have and it was just Andrew, Suzane, Brendan, Incubus, and I. I was in awe because currently they are my favorite band and i as a straight male am in love with Brandon Boyd. So it was just a little show they put on and then while we were all just hanging out Brandon gives me a guitar and hes like play something. I was so happy cause i know how to play basically every Incubus song. But instead I ended up playing some sweeps for whatever reason. I woke up at that point and then went back to bed. In my second dream i was outside of my Friend Chris Connors house and every time im with him I basically smoke weed and this time was no different except i was by myself sitting outside smoking a hookah. I was walking away when the cops came by and were doing a drug bust on some other people the cop "arrested" me too but he put these small like finger cuffs on me and i just walked away and pulled them off. The dream shifted and i was watching ESPN on my TV in my mansion that I apparently owned. They had Celtics and Bruins game recaps on. Then i was with my sisters friend Lexi and one of her friends. she said something about moving in with her friend because the situation at her house wasn't good. Then I was playing Hitman and became agent 47. The dream was very realistic and i guess thats what threw me from identifying it as a dream and becoming lucid.

I was sitting in the back of the car while my dad was driving the car. The windows were rolled down and the wind was blowing all around in the car. For some reason, I started smoking a bowl, but I was nervous my dad would smell the marijuana. Then a cop pulled up behind us with his lights on. I can't really remember what happened after that, but the next thing I do remember is two cops and my dad having a conversation. They were telling my dad about how they just busted a girl for marijuana. They took it out and it was one huge bud (probably 6 inches long) in a large plastic bag. They passed it to the back where I looked at it with my brother. For some reason, I felt nervous holding it and didn't want it so I quickly gave it back. Then the cops asked my dad if he had gotten his car back and he answered no because he hadn't gotten it fixed. The cops looked at each other and looked at my dad like they were all in on a secret but my brother and I didn't know.

Dreamed that I was desperately trying to get somewhere. For some reason, I was wandering around a shopping complex that also doubled as a small city. I was lost and wandering through the stores. I accidentally knocked some garbage onto the floor at one of the restaurants, the owner didn't care about it but was concerned about me for some reason...
I was waiting for a friend to come pick me up, he had a motorcycle, he was supposed to take me somewhere (I would assume the place I was trying so hard to get to) and it required taking the highway... the problem was that when he showed up, I couldn't recognize his bike, and it turned out that all he had was a stupid push-scooter.

Anyway, it ultimately ended with the cops looking for me after the restaurant owner reported me, so I climbed up onto the roof area of a large building that looked like it was made of adobe and carved stuff into the walls with my little three-inch knife.