All DJ Entries

17th November 2020

Fragment:

(Lost most of recall I woke up early in the morning because I was too hot, around 6am?, unknown)

Raid groups or something like them? There were some dream characters that were kind of like combat medics. This didn't make me RC even though it should have been a prominent cue to do so. I think it did raise my level of dream awareness but not enough. I remember specifically noticing that these dream characters were glitching visually, their limbs clipped through their clothing in weird ways, as poorly animated models might do.

Fragment:

Something with C from school and T. There was a general context around the old home.

---

18th November 2020

Fragment:

I was talking via Steam to Sh from the PTFG. It didn't quite sound like him though. He was asking me how I was and we discussed something about my well-being at length; the conversation was heavily focused on me but mostly because he kept asking questions in that direction.

---

Notes (for 18th only):

- Last night I spend some time speaking with F from BL and we caught up a bit and he was asking me how we'd been.

- Dream recall had vanished by the time I got up from bed and when the recall first came through, I mistook it for a real memory, taking me a couple of minutes to go through it and realising it was simply vague recall of a dream.

- I slept poorly last night and the last few days have been very difficult for me, physically. I have also been feeling completely demotivated from my creative activity.

- Last night I continued reading the book from the LD Book Club and I had been thinking about the four-step process for dream-work. After my initial recall of this dream this morning, I have been considering trying them on this, since it's a fairly short dream and seemingly quite specifically directed towards how I've been feeling.

- All I can visually recall from the dream is the chat window and Sh's icon.
-- Typing the above note, I have just realised that my abbreviation for the person in the chat has a secondary and much more specific significance to me.

12th November 2020

Fragment:

Out with H somewhere. It's day time and we're approaching a wooden or metal gate of a farm or ranch of some sort. There is a building on the left of the gate, in the distance there are hills or low mountains and more immediately to our right is a small mounding area. There are some darkly coloured horses here and they eventually get up close to some trees on the mound area and stand up on their hind legs and basically start trying to copulate with the trees, which have some holes at just about the right height.

I don't recall what happened next exactly but I remember noticing the trees had no leaves left at all anymore, but the grass was green-ish and not covered in leaves. The horses later stopped what they were doing I think and turned into dogs instead.

13th November 2020

Fragment:

The dream was focused around a black boy I was trying to help. He must have been no older than eight years of age.

He had no parents? I think he was wanting to get some information about some random guy and the info he wanted was in a hard drive. I suggested we could plug it in at my computer and it would be quicker this way.

But for whatever reason, the drive needed a scart connector. I remember we looked for about three hours (it felt long, but not actually three-hour long) and I couldn't find one of these connectors, only some other old connectors.

I remember starting to feel frustrated after finding a component lead or something. I can't remember what we chose to do at this point but I do recall a computer, with a CRT. In retrospect now, it felt like something like what we had back at home when I was younger.

There's a large gap in my recall here.

At some point it becomes evident or is revealed that there's something mystical about the boy. He was unliving or something. There were dark forces trying to reclaim him, back to their domains. Another recall gap.

Near the end of the dream, a human-like demon is pouring (out of his mouth?) tea bags in front of the boy's feet. Something about these being a representation of the number of times the boy had avoided or cheated death or capture.

The dream was particularly long most of the recall was lost because of having to get ready in the morning and the recall I managed to keep for the initial notes was about an hour old at that point. Would like to edit in some notes at some later point.

Been pretty busy lately and too tired as a result, but still been able to make note of some loose fragments.

---

17th September 2020

Scraps:

In a town or city. Doing some climbing with my old school friend C, in some old part of a town.

Something about a "debug" viewmode of a landscape set used as a backdrop like in Freelancer (I think I meant like a skysphere).

Something about a physically encoded (computer) memory that could be transmitted by light. A prize?

---

19th September 2020

Fragment:

From a fairly long dream. In this part, the dream plot was about WW2. I was in Nazi Germany and I was coming out of a building just when I and someone I'm with suddenly receive word that America has declared war on Germany.

The two German soldiers (with their contextual Nazi outfits) standing guard by the doors just outside the building overheard this as we were coming down some steps and commenting or something. They turned their heads ever so slightly toward us, seeming surprised about the news but not moving an inch from their post. They turned their heads straight forward again as we continued walking and then we walked past them, into an open street, I think.

Then at some point, I and other dream characters thought it was "high time" that we returned to our original time, in the "future". We had to get back to some sort of time machine pod.

I remember being in the room with the pod and it could only take one person at a time. This place was hidden somewhere in town? It was a concrete room and was very well lit, with large white fluorescent tube lights.

---

20th September 2020

Fragment:

Something about plain old items being an example of how a new storage unit thing could store multiple types of items. Recall faded quickly for some reason. Some lingering feeling of being related to games I've played recently (BL, Fact).

Finally done with catch-up now.

---

8th September 2020

Fragment:

Very long dream, poor recall because I had no chance to write about it until the evening.

A small housing area. Modern-style appearance, cubical lots of white and concrete and glass, but low flats? Two, three story at most. Vague details of it, but the plot revolved around marriage and the dream characters were all fictitious. I was myself, but mostly only in a physical sense, my life here was its own life, created by the dream.

The dream character I was supposed to marry was some girl, with odd hair or something? There was a Middle Eastern or Italian feel to her family. Maybe just Mediterranean in general.

Her father was famous/infamous. I think he was especially notorious for what he would do when he disapproved of a groom. I remember at first I did meet with his approval but at some point I realised this wasn't due to last, for some reason. Then, when he did become disapproving, he did not treat me as cruelly as he had treated others in the past, but warned me that something bad was to happen?

The girl became distant. Most of the dream's plot took place at their family flat.

11th September 2020

Fragment:

Again long dream but recall faded, left it too long.

I'm in some kind of fantasy action RPG. By the end, I entered some special hell area (very orangey) through a portal. The portal was framed by some sharp obsidian fang shapes?

I remember dying in that area, a stupid and avoidable death I think. That made me lose a lot of progress, at least of everything I'd done in there, which I now couldn't recover for some reason. Interactions with some narrating npc?

Fragment:

Micro dream where I'm looking at erotic art on my PC. The explorer layout is not my usual one but in the dream I don't make special note of this. A lot of the art is greyscale or line art only. I think about tracing some of it for practice but I end up feeling aroused as I'm looking through the pieces. Some of them were real ones I know from waking life but I think many were simply dream-generated.

Fragment:

Another dream in which I returned to the context of the first one. I was some warrior class character and fighting waves of humans and dwarves equipped with dark-ish metal armours. Every so often when I killed enemies, red banners would prop up on a black pole, with semi-random frequency. I remember looting some items.

Was too tired to make note of more and recall faded too much.

Edit: Added in 16th August 2020

Dream:

The dream was a bit like Final Fantasy somehow. Had a cinematic-like presentation, long dream overall.

At a mall with H, meeting up with my mom and dad. There are three bad guys around and we help local security deal with them. I remember a rectangular area of the mall, it had four escalators or six, two at each end (four in total) and then another two at the central area?

Then I'm walking outside with H, we're holding our arms together. Some Australian guy appears and makes a remark of some kind? I get annoyed by it and I sort of snark at him but not too much, as he looks well built and I'd rather not get into a fight. He kind of goes quiet.

We go for a wee? At some point the guy apologises, something about being gay being illegal in Australia; I accept his apology and say I understand that he has a different background.

A girl? At a castle/mansion place. I remember the outside walls of some castle tower buildings, we were walking along them earlier. The girl is from an earlier part in the dream. I remember being bare foot and feeling cold tiles but not being bothered enough by it for me to mention it.

---

18th August 2020

Dream:

At the end of the dream, me and H were using some kind of Matrix VR headset. Were we watching or maybe participating in a show of some kind?

Then I remember being with H in my parents' old bedroom. We're both naked and we're sort of just lounging about? At one point, H starts getting aroused and we both get a bit silly, making jokes or something. I remember making a Scorpius impression.

I remember running water. Some kind of device attached to a wall. It was leaky, or poorly sealed. Then I remember something else about MB and I was upset that he was lying to someone again, and then he was pretending he hadn't done anything.

---

20th August 2020

Dream (DFLN Thread):

Part of a very long dream. Something about some dream characters, within some big building. A girl who tries to tackle me I think? I seem to remember the building wasn't finished or something, as I remember seeing a lot of bare concrete and open sections.

I dodge the girl's tackle and she falls from three stories high, and she comes apart into several bloody pieces as she hits the floor, but the "tearing apart" seems to not correspond to the impact that had occurred, as it seems lethargic compared to the actual impact and fall.

Several dream characters and small interactions with them? (Like what... Nicely detailed!)

At some point I was in some very distorted version of my old home but with my current neighbours. At some point me and H are in a version of my old room.

I remember hearing the neighbour scream like we've heard it in some mornings before but we mostly just ignored it this time. I also remember the lady from the old couple had someone over, and she was talking so loudly we could hear her voice clearly through walls.

By the end of the dream I'm looking at the computer. I'm on my browser, on the usual art site. Dream-generated art from other artists and I remember commenting or interacting somehow. Something about an art piece focused on a giant maw and its teeth.

Then I remember being on DV looking at my DJ and seeing that I got my Roman numerals numbering wrong somehow and in more than just a few entries. It makes me wonder in the dream, if I should rename them all and just scrap the idea.

---

Notes:
- Although I don't get them so much anymore I still sometimes have these dreams with MB in them. What surprises me a bit is that in the dreams I don't react violently to his presence. There's usually a context of normalcy, as if contact had never been broken but with the subtext that he'd still done something wrong.
- I don't remember any details of the VR headset thing but it sounds interesting. It's reminding me now of some very ancient dreams I had in my childhood (before I even watched the Matrix, I think?).

- The girl that falls to literal bits, this was probably partly brought on from playing KF, in which the enemies come apart when killed and in, I suppose, quite gruesome ways; though when playing I usually find this to be quite amusing because of the physics effects and sometimes the slow-mo effect makes it all the more amusing.
- The thing about the DJ numerals has occurred to me before as passing thoughts while on DV and away from it too. I have had thoughts about how the system will become cumbersome when it reaches very high numbers.
- The second dream, in the part where I was looking at art; this may have been part of a subconscious process that recently pushed me to trying to do something creative together with another artist. But as with the rest of my dreams on this recurring subject the focus is on interaction, a part I feel deeply deprived of quite often.

- Also worth noting that I was a bit lax with my recall and DJ efforts for about a week, in good part because of schedules and also because of tiredness. I often find it frustrating when I want to make note of dreams while feeling physically incapable of it (fatigue, pain, etc).

9th July 2020

Fragment:

Something about talking to A in some imagined version of her home. I remember it was day time and there was a coffee table? An old style computer with a CRT.

We talked about a few things, mostly random ones, but also about my art and I asked if she knew anyone who might be interested.

---

10th July 2020

Fragment:

Dream about being on the computer and looking through one of the art sites I frequent. I remember looking at my own art and other peoples' art, but the rest of the recall is gone.

---

11th July 2020

Fragment:

On the computer, looking at one of the art sites again, and at my account page. I think I'd received some comments and I was typing up replies to the comments. I vaguely remember new dream-generated artwork, both of my own authorship and of other artists.

Something about wanting to make a second account for only certain types of posts (?) but in the end I decided it would be too confusing if I had duplicate uploads between two different accounts.

---

Notes:
- There is quite a mix within these three days, the dreams being pretty much about the same thing in one way or another; my art and how both I and others perceive it.
- At present this hasn't been manifesting in dreams quite as much but at the time of these dreams I was perhaps finding myself obsessively thinking about these things a bit through the days, more so than currently.
- The recalled part of the first dream relates directly to how I no longer have direct contacts/friendships with people who are interested in the same things, thus trying to see if a friend did know anyone and if we could basically be introduced; I've had this thought consciously a few times during certain days but since then have decided that I can't meaningfully seek this out in a natural/organic way and since then I've also had a conversation about this topic with a friend.

Last catch up entry for today I think.

23rd June 2020

Fragment:

Remember seeing Discord. I had been removed from the Nx server, as it was no longer on the list. My friends looked shorter too. I soon realised A wasn't on the list anymore and I presumed I'd been removed from their friends list. I checked my Steam friends list and saw the same again.

In the dream I remember thinking this was unsurprising, but all the same, disappointing. It made me feel as though I'd been used, and made irrelevant past a certain point.

---

Notes:
- This part of whatever dream it was from surely came about as part of my emotional processing of a few things, but primarily from a wariness so as to not let myself be lied to or used.
- In the dream I think there was some subtext of libel against me.

7th May

Dream:

Don't remember the start but was in a game doing some crop-related things while I was appearing offline or something. All of a sudden, a female character shows up and starts punching me up with some flying fists. At first I assumed it was A but then I die and respawn and notice it's someone else that I don't know.

It's a Spanish player and we mostly speak in Spanish. I realise my accent is a bit broken but that doesn't stop me so much. I tell her I don't remember knowing her, I assume it's possible I've just forgotten who she is but she doesn't really answer the question or seem bothered by this, anyway. Then she starts telling me how she used to live on some place called something "Peak". In the dream I had some vague memory of it. I ask her if she had a place nearby on K and she insists not, but my dream memory tells me she did.

In any case, she then tells me how she'd lost everything. I realise I don't care about my place so much anymore and offer to give her some stuff and tell her we need to go to my place in the game. Most of this seems to take place on K. We then start going through some portals or something, and I start carrying her on my back for some reason. I remember some other players spotting us and staring for a minute.

Then eventually we're at my old (actual) home, it's night time and dark. I walk into the room that used to be L's and there's an extra bed like a sofa bed. There's a computer with an old CRT screen on the desk and I think about using it to give her some stuff? She asks me some questions and I answer, I think mostly about the room? I think she just looks like a person now and not a game character.

Then all of a sudden while we talk, my sibling T sits up. T had been sleeping on the extra bed all along and we somehow hadn't realised. Looked younger and not so scruffy? I apologise and say I didn't realise. I look at the screen for a moment and it has something like Diablo on it. We leave the room and go to my old room instead. But essentially, the exact same thing happens again there. I don't remember to question the dream-like nature of what just happened. Rest of dream recall is mostly gone. Scraps of being in the street and talking to this Spanish girl.

---

Notes:
- The initial context within the dream of giving my stuff away is a common occurrence anyway when I'm playing games in which you are able to hoard or accumulate stuff. I often end up giving stuff away because I have not created any particular attachment to it or feel like I might not be putting it to good use any time soon. One further note on this regard is that sometimes I feel that my kindness is taken but not appreciated, it becomes "old history" so to speak of rather quickly, with some people, while others do remember it for a long time.
- Although I wrote this dream months ago, I have the feeling that the computer screen in L's room was a CRT, but this may be a false memory now. When I wrote that it has something like Diablo on it, I think I meant that it had Diablo II just running but with nothing happening.

Morning of April 18, 2020. Saturday.

Dream #: 19,479-03. Reading time (optimized): 2 min 15 sec.



My imagined dream self becomes instinctually aware of my dream beginning, including a viable thread of waking-life identity. As a result, the first rendering is a female form close to my left, modeling the sleeping orientation of Zsuzsanna and me, though she remains standing while I remain seated in a cross-legged position. She is a short distance closer to the wayside of an unknown road than I am. It seems to be nighttime. On the other side of the road, off to the right, is an unfamiliar business building. Feelings of cheerfulness and peace remain throughout my dream. (The eventual sleep-wake personification, firstly as an association with imaginary proprioception, is not intrusive other than wanting me to move from the side of the road to return to slow-wave sleep).

Instinctual dynamics of dream state management begin. On my lap is an open sheet music book, though the sheet music displayed is unknown. Upon that is a tablet with another one atop it. The first features equidistant thumbnails from a web site, mostly of random people, and the second displays a blank screen. Atop the tablets is an open A4 spiral notebook with my handwriting describing dream content as well as equations.

The inference is that I am solving equations using the sheet music book (mainly the arrangement of notes) and the web page thumbnails, which supposedly link to the content of previous dreams and six-digit numbers that serve as markers. The first calculation produces an image of the ocean on the previously blank screen, though it is a small strip, oriented lengthways near the top of the screen.

The second calculation results in an additional lengthways photograph of the ocean, and I am fascinated when it matches perfectly with the first when adjacent to the right side of the previous image. Although the image never moves, there is still the fundamental liminal impression that it defines my status of being asleep and the absence of physical demarcation. I start to consider what will happen when the strips fill the entire top of the screen. They will probably continue to a new row. This identification and anticipation results in the summoning of imaginary proprioception and latent physical preparedness (which usually begins around this part of a dream’s timeline, though here, there is no anticipation of vestibular system ambiguity from the lack of discernment of physicality while sleeping).

The sleep-wake personification initiates from my right. An unknown man drives a Ford Model T Convertible into the area on the other side of the road. (Cars, as with all vehicles, typically correlate with the imaginary physicality of the dream state or preparation for wakefulness with emerging physical awareness and mobility potential.) He cheerfully calls out, implying I am blocking his way even though I am not on the road. (This scenario is also co-occurrent with how I am sleeping close to Zsuzsanna, as the other man is a preconscious personification of my potential consciousness and emerging physical awareness. This same causal factor has occurred in many previous dreams.)

I move back a short distance, but the man parks his car near the business building and walks over to my side of the road. He looks at the items in my lap and seems curious about what I am doing.

I absentmindedly state, “I’m doing sequences of fractals.”

“I can’t even do one,” he says happily, emphasizing “one.”

---

Dreams that I made note of early today but that I'm only writing on the DJ here at night.

---

Dream Fragment:

Much longer than just this bit and a lot of detail is missing. Was with my family at some building, more specifically, with my parents and maybe siblings. We were there because of me, I was waiting to be given permission to use this facility's reactor-powered super-computer.

One of mom's sisters (M) was there . H was there but was a blend between himself and my oldest sibling. I remember we were waiting in some sort of lobby. It was sunny, there was a lot of glass. It was a fairly modern-style building from what I can remember. Eventually, a woman came through into the room and requested my presence. I followed her and walked through some halls and then through a large indoors space, like an aircraft hangar or an industrial warehouse. When we were in one of these larger spaces, the woman, who I remember was formally dressed (i.e. had some sort of secretarial position), said that they were going to give me the OK to use their computer.

Apparently I wanted to use this computer to "hack" some other reactor-powered super-computer of the same sort. In the dream I already knew I had permission from the owners of that second computer to do this. My reaction to when she gave me the OK was something of surprise and I felt happy. I told her I'd be right back and jogged back to the lobby quickly to grab a few things. Mostly some papers, A4 prints of the schematics for the other reactor? Looked like amplifier schematics like the ones I often see H use.

In the dream I knew that some favour I pulled was responsible for the people who owned this place to allow me to do this, though there seemed to be no animosity with anyone and there was a calm and polite atmosphere.

I remember there was a lot of dialogue in this dream but I remember very little of it in detail, usually one of the first things to get forgotten. I went back to the woman after grabbing the papers. I remember being shown into a room where I then used some sort of computer terminal and then gained physical access to the other computer's library. But it was literally and physically manifested in front of me, above the terminal.

I looked through the books. I remember chatting to this lady since she was there to supervise me, mostly small talk. I couldn't remember which of these files (the books) that H was interested in, so for whatever reason I asked for someone to go and fetch my oldest sibling (L). L arrived and immediately recognised the book. L took it and I wondered how we'd return it, since I realised in that moment this was a one-time thing but we were still obliged to return the file.

Then I said to L: "make sure you get everything you want, because we will never have access to this again." I remember thinking or feeling that the other books on that shelf were filled with irreplaceable knowledge.

The dream went on for a bit but I don't remember much. Some visions of the reactors? I told the lady about how I got permission to do all of this.

Dream Fragment:

A different dream. In space, much shorter dream. Strategy game like Homeworld but could manage planets and space stations too. Mix of Freelancer too? Don't remember the visuals anymore. Woke up after this dream.

Dream Fragment:

Fell back asleep and recalled this single fragment. Was helping T build some sort of organ console. The console didn't look right. It was askew? But it was on purpose apparently. The manuals were angled at 90 degrees and sloped on a 30 degree arc. I remember this took place in T's room. There was a light on and the room was dark otherwise, somewhat as expected really.

Mom was there, talking to T I think.

---

Some notes:
- I did remember more conversational detail when I woke up and wrote down the first dream on my phone but the memory has since long left as I finish writing this DJ entry.
- The thing with the shelf and the books being the other computer's file system was very unusual. It was like an allegory, but somewhat unnecessary.
- For whatever reason, these few dreams I had all had H, T and L mixed in some sense as if they were all the same character. Although I can draw some similarities between them, like the bookshelf thing, I'm not sure why it was almost made obvious in the dream. Normally my less conscious thoughts don't manifest themselves in dreams in such an obvious way, probably since I already recognise all these elements consciously anyway.
- The secretary figure is starting to become a recurring dream character in a sense. Feels like a sort of formal projection, as a character, of what I would consider my anima to be. Last year there were some similar appearances. Usually black hair, tidy, possibly glasses and a smooth but not perfect face. A slight bit of attitude or something in body posture, but in a relaxed way. Takes herself seriously.

- A note on the above; I have taken the Jungian archetypes into a sort of personally meaningful way as I do with symbols in general, so that they have specific meanings to myself, which are often a bit more distant from their original meanings. This accounts for why the appearance of these archetypes varies, sometimes dramatically. But the key identifier for them is usually that they are key characters in the dream and that they are not related to people I know, and seem to be more disjointed from the other characters in a dream, usually.

- T's room was more or less as I remember last seeing it. The sense of any unpleasant smell didn't seem to be there, but I remember feeling uncomfortable being in the room.

I am on a computer, looking through files. I’m trying to find papers from an earlier part of the dream where I’d stayed after a math class drawing, and the teacher had brought over a stack of graded assignments he’d apparently been working on while I sat there. I’d just glanced at them and seen that’d I’d done really well on them before taking off, but now I want a closer look, and this was apparently where they were.

I scroll through small pictures, some of which began to move. One has expanded to fill the whole screen. It shows a house on fire, people running out. It scrolls past a small stage on which two double basses stand, one the traditional sort, another more metallic – electric by the look of it, but still a roughly double bass size and shape. It sits in a sort of flower-shaped metal pad. It catches my attention, and I’m struck by the level of detail.

I am now – not sure in what order – both present in the dream and lucid. I’m in a park-like area, a clearing with groves of trees and some woods not far off. Another stage is nearby, this one a roofed circular platform on which sits another of those big electric basses. I consider giving it a try – that could be fun. But it occurs to me that I’ve never produced frightening scenarios in lucid dreams before, and I should try it at least once.

Surrounded by demons is the first thing that occurs to me for some reason. That’ll do. I will them into being. As I focus on the intention, everything around me grows dark, swirling and immaterial. I’m floating, moving vaguely backwards. But nothing else seems to be happening. Oh, well. Maybe I’ll give that bass a try after all.

I let go of the intention. The original scene immediately returns, and I walk back towards the area I started out in. But not far from it, by a ridge in front of a forested area, I spot a strange figure. Its head looks like a skull, bovine in shape, with horns that curl around to the front and knot around each other, and it’s wearing a black and white herringbone tweed blazer with a thin purple scarf and a long grey-black skirt. It looks like I managed something, at least, although I can’t say it’s especially scary.

As I approach, it waves its hand, causing a small sphere of darkness to shoot towards me. This startles me a bit, but it doesn’t seem to have any effect. I keep walking towards it, ignoring its attacks. As I pass the pavilion, I notice the instrument sitting there looks different now. There are also now a number of cats up under the roof, lying in big cat piles that seem to extend upward into tunnels. They seem to just be waking up. The grey and orange tabbies stay where they are, but a few black cats stretch and jump down onto the stage.

As I turn back towards the figure, I see that it is now a cat as well – a small black one. I pick it up. It doesn’t look happy with being held, but it makes no attempt to escape.

At that point, I wake up.

9.1.20

Non-dream stuff - Woke up at around 8:20/30 with alarm and fell asleep and had a non-lucid dream, waking up again just after 10:00.

---

Dream:
I don't quite remember the first part of the dream except that I was next to the floor or lying on it.

I was in the bedroom from my childhood times, and the curtains were closed but it was day. I had my laptop on a desk in the room but for some reason related to another part of the dream earlier, the hard drive was missing. I tried to boot it up anyway but considered that it shouldn't be able to because there would be no OS to pick.

It ran a load of white-on-black text as most computers do when booting, the branding/word "MICROSYSTEMS" catching my attention at one point. The boot queried for a valid pre-existing username, which I provided, and it started loading up some version of Linux OS. It immediately entered the OS without a login, which made me think to myself "it's not difficult to guess or remember a username even if you're not the computer's owner...", considering whether this was secure enough as a feature at large.

In any case, I think I started up an internet browser, don't remember if it was any in particular and then some cartoony image was playing but it was a bit laggy so I considered maybe because it didn't have a hard drive in it was caching everything in the RAM or something, slowing down the performance. For some reason the degraded performance stopped being an issue and I went on some dodgy website and got distracted browsing through it, and it had naughty cartoon animations, basically. At some point one of the animations had sound and I didn't mute it (which I now find odd).

I remember thinking that I was supposed to be doing something else and worried my partner or someone else was going to come in and be judgmental. I then closed all those tabs I'd basically mindlessly opened and tried to remember whatever it was I was supposed to be doing.

The dream went on for a bit longer but I don't remember any details.

---

Some notes:

• Perhaps the weirdest part about the boot up was that there was no flash drive or anything that the OS could have loaded from, so it would have to be stored in a ROM module or something, since the hard drive was out... I didn't remember or think to have a look at the internals or anything.
• I don't know if MicroSystems is an actual brand or not, but it's a pretty logical/easily thought of name...
• The dream's theme from the second half relates a bit to my teen context when I would get a bit anxious looking at explicit material because I was always worried about being interrupted.
• The lack of self-control is two-fold in this dream; one, because I was not lucid, and two, because it relates to the waking-life context of me struggling to, when drawing something of more sexual nature, to not get excited by it. It's an annoying issue because it results in unfinished work that I would like to finish but never feel motivated to, because I'd like to actually just work on it for once, instead of getting excited.

---

Scoring:
+ Previous score: 64.0

+ This DJ entry score (breakdown below): 1.0
++ Recall a non-lucid dream: 1.0

= Total score thus far: 65.0

Non-dream stuff - Woke up at about 8:20 or so with one of my alarms, but went back to sleep. Woke up again nearer 11:00. Was having a semi-vivid non-lucid dream, some details lost now because I had to get up to do other stuff.

---

Dream:
I remember my computer screen. I was sitting down to do something and then some weird pop-ups and music started. I couldn't find out what was causing the music to play so I started looking at the list of processes, finding a few things that looked out of place. I was a bit startled to find this was some sort of malware playing the music, and causing these pop-ups, which for once were mostly innocent (and somewhat detailed) drawings of several themes.

Even so I was feeling under threat or stressed and I looked at the file location for the suspicious processes, continuously closing these pop-ups as they appeared. The music was sort of calm, nothing intense, but it didn't feel any less unnerving in the dream. I found the files for the music-playing program and there was a file without an extension called "about"; I opened it up with NPP, which as expected revealed a few lines of text, including the motivation of the person that made this malware thing. Apparently it was from a Swiss games company, which I thought was very odd. I remember an e-mail address and some other details.

I remember thinking it was my own fault for not having an anti-virus installed and I was showing the malware to my partner (H) I think. But then I noticed a little tray icon for Avast or something like that and I said to H "see, it doesn't detect it...", referencing the lack of any alerts.

In the end I think I was going to delete the files of the malware programs, as they didn't look like they'd been protected in any way, but I can't remember what I actually did do.

Then some transition. Remember being in a town or city. In the US maybe? I was walking along with H and I think it was dusk or day time, but we went into this fancy modern/futuristic-looking building that was like a big surface tunnel; inside it looked kind of like a mall and was a bit busy, and I remember H interacting with someone. A guy that was working at a restaurant dropped something while clearing trays and H helped.

Not sure what happened next. Transition?

Outside, slightly sloped area, evening/sunset. Some houses. Thinking about the malware again? Faint memory of the music again.

There was more, but I seem to have lost recall for the next bits.

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Some notes:

• The particular vividness of this dream did not seem to make me any more aware or questioning of its nature than usual.
• The music playing may mean that in waking life there was some other sound. This may have been my alarm or later one of H's alarms. Either way, music playing in dreams often relates to their vividness for me, though they are not always implicit to each other.
• The drawings were of things like classic representations of landscapes but also of "furry" themes and still life.

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Scoring:
+ Previous score: 62.0

+ This DJ entry score (breakdown below): 2.0
++ Recall a non-lucid dream: 1.0
++ Ask for advice: 1.0 (asking H for help with the malware)

= Total score thus far: 64.0

Sep 23 2018

Four nights lucid in a row! PB!

[D] FA where I'm in bed, feeling my breath intensely. I can see two spheres of breath rotating and flowing throughout themselves, as if each of them is tearing itself inside out. The spheres are located a few inches in front of my face and are about 5 inches in diameter each. They're arranged one atop the other forming a sort of figure 8. I shift to seeing this in third person from the left side. Maybe they're feeding into each other? But I see and feel their movement aligned with my even, deep breaths.

[?] Wrote something in my DJ but can only vaguely make out the words "tonight", "Jesus", and "fool". Awoke 5:30am.

[L] In 9. The dream starts in my bedroom. My bunk is high, almost shoulder level (like one of my old dorm rooms). There are some assorted items laid out on the bed. It's dark outside. I'm trying to find something. The dream shifts to the front yard briefly, then to the kitchen. I need to make F a BLT without lettuce or tomato, on a long sourdough slice. For some reason I'm trying to find a saucepan (maybe to cook the bacon?) but the only one I can find is submerged in water in a white bowl next to the sink. The pan has a thin coating of spaghetti sauce on it. Around this point I become lucid, or rather reach the threshold of awareness, but decide not to do anything about it and to observe instead. I don't consciously control anything, from dream body to dream logic. I put down the slices of toast in the toaster, and they seem too long but somehow change dimensions to fit. At first the slices are vertical as expected, but after looking away and back, they are arranged horizontally at the bottom of the toaster. I'm talking to F this whole time. Finally I tell her "I'm lucid". She doesn't really react. I decide to do something improvised, a coordinated reality check. I hold out my palm and either through speech/nonverbal command or through expectation, I have her stick her finger through my palm. It worked! However now I couldn't really see her, and could see through her. She was transparent and I could clearly read some text behind her that took the form of her body. The dream shifted quickly and I was outside the kitchen looking in, and the lights were off. I said aloud "lights on!" and some dim lights came on but not all. The dream started to fade. I remembered to do math but lost the dream before I could. When I awoke I tried to DEILD, however I could only see the emerging scene if I strained my eyes to the bottom-right corner; there were maybe 5 or 6 scenes that emerged. When I opened my eyes it was around 6:40.

[F] I find myself outside a sliding glass door with a family inside. They let me in, they're part of a resistance and they're hiding me from someone; before this I was in a ditch. This was in-depth but unfortunately my pen ran out of ink.

[D] I was in a church library. There were bookcases that slid apart, and I was shoved inside. Inside it was dark and there were others. We could see through the cracks of light left by the books. After several implied weeks of pleading my case that we weren't able to read the books in the dark, those imprisoning us finally gave us some better quarters. It was some sort of speakeasy establishment, and our quality of life went up (we had alcohol and other entertainment) but now some of the black prisoners were slaves/barmaids.

Sep 24 2018

I had at least four dreams but can only remember two. I'm trying to utilize a memory palace for dream recall when I don't have a physical DJ next to my bed, but it's not always working (although it does help a bit).

[D] I'm in the backyard of 9, in full knight's armor. I'm carrying a metal jug of gasoline or urine. It's daytime outside and I'm splashing this mystery liquid all over the lawn; I get some on my neighbor's fence.

[D] After a longish dream, I find myself sleeping 9's garage. There are several pillows, and one of them is fancy but makes no sense (day residue from a stupid sweater one of the Property Brothers was wearing). It's made by George (the Walmart brand). It was very visually vivid (and mentally/perceptually clear) at this point, and I think if I didn't get involved with the dream drama I could've easily become lucid. I was in a sling chair but now I'm in some sort of giant furniture bucket looking at a late 90's desktop and monitor. My dad comes in and talks to me for a bit. I decide to go inside and sleep on the couch (worried about bugs). When I go to shut down my computer though, my C drive disappears! I think my hard drive somehow unmounted itself (in the dream I thought somehow it got disconnected/shaken loose). It's a weird mix of XP and Vista and 7 and when I open the start menu I can't search for anything in the search bar. I start freaking out about my computer, eventually I wake up.

I am in a small classroom in a university, but it’s not lecture I’m attending here: it’s a theatrical performance.

There are about a dozen of us in the audience, as well as three dogs, two of them large ones, which is almost enough to make the room crowded. Both the main actors are here already too, in the front of the room. It seems they’re performing “Faust”- or something Faust-ish, at any rate. Both the main characters are being played by women, the title role by Hélène Grimaud, although it’s not clear whether it’s actually the pianist or just a well-known actress who happens to have that name.

There’s also a woman in the back who seems to be involved in some official capacity. She’s the one responsible for checking tickets—at least theoretically. I’m hoping that remains theoretical since I don’t actually have a ticket. The prevailing system here seems to work like train tickets, where the ticket is good for a certain range of dates. While I do have one on hand, it’s good for three weeks in November, and it’s still October now.

She begins by giving a short speech, which she records using a small camera. Predictably, the smaller dog, which is hers, sticks its face directly in it at one point. Things come to a halt for a bit as the audience makes a fuss over all the dogs and encourages her to get them on film. But eventually, the performance itself gets underway.

For a while, it’s just the two leads talking, but very clever dialogue. At one point, the Mephistopheles(-ish) character begins asking for members of the audience to volunteer. And, as people begin to get more comfortable, they begin to participate more. Soon—what with the intimate space and the lack of separation between us and the performers— it’s as if we’re a part of the performance rather than just observing it.

I look out the (partially frosted glass?) wall at a man walking by—he probably thinks this is a rather odd lesson, given that it’s probably not obvious at first glance that it’s a performance. But actually, he seems to be part of the performance as well. He enters the room, placing some notes and a glass with some white wine in it on a lectern, and beings to talk about philosophy.

One of the audience members comments on the wineglass. The newcomer enters into a hilarious dialogue with them, still in a philosophical vein, all in a complete deadpan. I recall him claiming that he wasn’t the same person he was a couple of drinks ago. Another half-dozen people seem to have joined the audience at some point, which is more than enough to make the room crowded. At some point, I wake up.

After writing everything down, I fall asleep again and find myself in a continuation of the dream. I seem to have watched the rest of the performance, as well as the lecture taking place in the room afterwards—apparently a Marxist interpretation of diabetes, which I’ve stayed to listen to out of a combination of morbid curiosity and a lack of anywhere better to be. But I have a class I need to get to soon, and I want to get some coffee first, so I gather my stuff together and cut out early.

Once outside, it occurs to me that I don’t actually know where this class is going to be held. I find my notebook in my messenger bag and look through it, but it only looks like I’ve got last semester’s schedule written here—not this one’s. But I do recall receiving an email from somebody mentioning the class’s location, so I can check on that—but it will have to be on my laptop, since I can’t access that particular account on my phone.

My room isn’t far from here—it’s in a large building just down the street. I enter and make my way up to my room. It’s a tiny room, and unlike anywhere I’ve actually lived, but it all seems familiar and somehow pleasant. I put what seems to be my cast-iron shrine teapot on a hotplate on the top of a small, precarious-looking shelf to one side of my desk to boil water for coffee and sit down to find the email.

According to the email, the class is taking place at St. John’s Observatory—so not on campus, then, since I would have seen it if it were. I pull up a map website to find out where it is. To my own amusement, I initially mistype "Kassel"—the place I have apparently decided I am—as "Kessel" (kettle, that is).

Based on the pictures my search has turned up, the place I’m going to is a greenhouse as well as an observatory: it’s a small building with mostly glass walls, through which greenery can be seen. I’m not sure where it is relative to me just yet, though, and it’s now 17:00, when the class was supposed to begin. Maybe that won’t matter so much on the first day? But then it occurs to me: I’m in Germany. Akademisches Viertel. That means I still have time to get there.