11th June 2021 Some in-line notes, in brackets. Fragment: I'm in the bathroom at the old home. I'm having a wee or something, I think I'm fully naked (probably since I sleep that way and if I got up for the bathroom, it would be the case anyway). I notably recall that the light is on (but there is no reason for it not to be and the situation seems normal enough). I hear the front door opening and notably I hear T's voice and a male stranger. I deduce they are friends and hear them come into the house. I'm aware of it being quite late and so I find it a bit odd. I can sort of see through the wall, mentally, getting an idea of where they are. T either comes up to the bathroom door to talk to me or I called. We talk about something but I cannot remember what and I feel pressed to put some clothes on to get out of the bathroom, maybe to find out more? The feeling I have around the stranger is mostly that of suspicion, I think because of the late time. I think about going back to my bedroom and possibly imagine it visually.
31st May 2021 Fragment: I'm at a distorted version of the old home. The house is partly blended with a supermarket freezer aisle and a classroom, I think this is at the end of a dream segment that took place in a supermarket-like location. I'm nude in the bathroom and washing my hands. From a long distance away, I see JC (through a mirror?) jeering at me, saying I spend a lot of time washing my hands but that I still manage to do it so poorly. I find this comment hurtful because R (the tall one with the short curly hair) is next to me and agreeing with JC. I dry my hands, kind of poorly because of the towel, not taking away all the moisture. I leave the bathroom and I'm in the corridor, it's more like the rest of how the house should be now. There's something about ice creams, some Magnums. There are two on the floor of the corridor against a skirting board, seems like someone is keeping them here to save them for later. I think about how they won't keep very well here. On closer look they're not wrapped anymore, and their outer chocolate shells are cracked. I try and fiddle but only make it worse. I leave them be and go to my room, which would actually be L's room. Fragment: (earlier dream) I'm in my home town, like I've just returned after years. It's night time and I just left the house for some reason (emotional?) and I walk down to the shopping centre area. The path is more direct than it would be in waking life, the road goes right through where the parish church should be. At the front of the shopping centre, it's really well lit but mostly by phosphor street lights. I see some groups of people just idling about, chatting. A lot of them, I notice are people I knew from school, though some of them are black kids that used to make fun of me (M, R, are ones I remember). Unusually, I feel apprehensive over this, I think because there's so many people but I walk past them without being bothered, though I think people stare at me? This is the bit right in front of the bank, between the small substation building, said building is replaced in the dream by a ramp going underground (coming from the main road, the roundabout?). I turn left since it's the corner. This bit that should be road and car parking spots is all limestone cobbled path. I see MM and I walk past I say hello and wave at him, almost in his face, but he doesn't hear or see me, doesn't acknowledge me. He's coming out through some glass sliding doors. I don't look inside but there's a bright cool light in there. Makes me think or feel of an airport. I keep walking towards the open end of that underground ramp. Now I see D. I say hello to him too and he greets me back, we start talking. I ask him if he saw MM over there and he did, commenting something about him. We go down into the ramp, there's a sort of seamless transition and we're in a subway station. It's vast, more than almost any I can recall in waking life but it is like others I've dreamed of. It is well lit and there is a lot of concrete and some metal accents. There's a fair amount of people around? I get the impression it's quite late but I don't know or see the time at any point. I talk with D all the way as we walk, but sadly I can't recall what about. Notes: - I dreamed of D only recently. In the past when I've dreamed of him or the other D, it has usually been linked with personal relationship in some sense. Both D and MM were two of my only true childhood friends, but at the same time, I ended up eventually feeling abandoned and disconnected from both too. Besides from relationships and from family, I don't think I ever felt friendship like theirs again, at least so far anyway, though at several points I have hoped that people I have met would become friends like they had been. - In the dream it was as though MM was seeing past me, like he was aware of my presence but not acknowledging me. I remember he was standing still as I walked past whilst greeting him, expecting he would say something, at which point I would have stopped. - The point at which I felt apprehensive about continuing on past the groups in front of the shopping centre was mostly a form of social anxiety that I haven't really had too much of in my adult life. On some level, I was afraid of being mocked. The other dream fragment also relates to some aspect of this. - For the past few nights I keep trying to think about dreaming, lucidity and even previous dreams, but my mind always ends up drifting off and before I know it, it's morning. But I manage to recall most of my thoughts and moments prior to falling asleep fairly well.
Japanese learning fragment There was something about apparently being close to done with learning Japanese at home. I also had to use the bathroom, but, for some reason, my mother was in home office there. My home was also quite distorted, in a way. It seemed much larger, and different, also in comparison to the start of the dream to the end of the dream.
I'm in a bathroom and open the toilet lid. I see a really, really big poop in there. I at least think it is until I notice that it isn't. It is just some kind of cement. I try to remove it but it is stuck. I'm with some friends I have never seen before. There is a prominent girl that is about 15 years old who is very annoying. We enter a shop and she tries to find bubble gums and I look for them. I find some kind of bubble gum but she tells me they are wrong. The ones she wanted is next to the ones I found. I have a dumle in my pocket but it is already opened. We walk to the counter and there are two big lines. A rude man walks in front of us and yells at us that it is going way to slow. We pay for our stuff but I don't pay for the dumle since I don't have any money. I make a plan in my head what I will do if anyone finds the dumle in my pocket. I think about corona safety because everyone in the line is right next to each other. The dumle melts in my pocket and I feel stupid. We walk out and I feel out of place. I walk in front of the other persons and feel that I should not be here. Notes: My friend told me he ate a lot of bubble gum at a time yesterday. I wake up in my bed and hear the alarm but it is very quiet. I turn it off and return to bed.
16th April 2021 Dream: I am in someone else's lucid dream. It's someone I used to know, maybe L's friend, J? Not quite, but there's another friend too. It looks a bit like a small church, lots of dark stain wood. I think there's a greater proportion of wood than there is stone, I seem to recall. Anyway, since I'm not actually lucid myself, I think about testing a theory. I think of asking my friend to give me moderator privileges as if this was a Minecraft server. But I am unable to catch up to ask him, as he moves around. So I end up trying commands by myself, like the teleport-jump to where I'm looking. The commands sort of work. Although I am unsure of how to even do this, somehow, I intuitively bind the commands to my mind or something, so no typing is required. But I'm not lucid and yet I am reminded by all of this about a technique I read here on DV a couple of days ago. Before I try a teleport-jump or a through command, I spend a couple of seconds visualising the result a bit, but really it's too faint. It does help my non-lucid self use these commands though. I remember this part of the dream was highly detailed but I can't recall any further about it now. Transition? I'm in a restaurant with my family. We're leaving soon? The place seems to be mixed with old home or something. But I need to go to the bathroom. It doesn't seem especially clean in here. I try the stall, as I have privacy concerns and as I'm about to pull my pants down, I realise that there's no toilet at all in the stall, just a tiny plastic bin. Outside the stall, in the bathroom, there are only wall urinals. I exit the stall and entering the bathroom is a black woman, she has curly hair, a somewhat round but well defined face, she's about my height and probably a similar age. I tell her I wouldn't bother with the bathroom at all, and just wait until home. She seems disappointed by this. I walk out of the bathroom. (recall gap) Then I'm at my old home, but think to myself that I'm not actually there or something. (pre-lucid thought about real location?) There's just some feeling, anyway. Me and the rest of the family are getting ready for something? It's early morning I think. Mom says dad needs some apples and I tell her I can go get them (since I feel ready anyway) and I shout for dad, asking what kind he wants. I don't remember hearing a reply back. Eventually I think about just teleporting to outside the store below. But something stops me and it just doesn't work. I remember being in my old room and seeing outside, standing from the doorway to the room. Light seems consistent with early-ish morning. Some other sequence. I'm in some place in South America. Swamps or marshes. A flatbed ship carrying containers is on the water but there are some buildings around, sort of in an Arabic style more than a local one. I try to get on board the ship and then look for some circuit board chips? Some interactions with someone else, possibly an old friend. Another bit, possibly the earliest sequence in the dream. A visual and physical representation of the old art website? Very vague recall of this bit. Looks sort of like a disco club, with certain elements like the web banner physically represented as a room backdrop. Someone talks to me about the computing efficiency of the VFXs being used. Vague recall of thoughts about how much I charge for commissions, feeling like it's not enough. Notes: - I was not actually "lucid" at any point throughout this dream. My dream self was somehow partly aware of this by the implied context of the dream and with the commands thing tried to devise a way of having abilities more akin to what's possible when actually lucid. - There are a few things here that challenge recent conscious thoughts, namely; my commission prices, my initial thoughts about the technique linked in the entry and some recent thoughts on shared dreaming. Basically the dream presented opposites for all of these things, I don't think necessarily for me to accept them but to generally think about them further. - Using the commands to have lucid-like abilities in the dream felt like a pretty clever idea at the time, especially since it partially worked. - Curiously, the church location may have been brought on by the fact that I have spent a fair bit of time with H both in real churches and in church-like buildings he's built in Minecraft.
I am in what feels like a casino, though one I don’t immediately recognize. Still, it has the typical dingy carpets, tinted windows, cigarette stench, and slot machines. It seems slightly less crowded than it should be, I think due to Covid (though I don’t notice any masks or think there is any concept of them in this dream. I enter the men’s bathroom that is in a wall that looks like it terminates on the outside of the building. This bathroom is long and narrow. There are multiple options of directions branching out, and I already like the privacy this affords. I take the first left and continue on, passing many urinals on the right side of the wall. I get to the end of this little hallway and turn to use the very last urinal. Now I hear noises and voices approaching l; I look and see a couple fumbling their way down here. It looks like they’re trying to fool around but are too drunk to do so. The masculine girl stumbles happily back into the wall. I am now outside of the bathroom and somewhat confused - it seems that the way I came through the bathroom should not be possible because, looking out through the window, it should be empty space outside of the building.
I am in a building and looking for the bathroom. I find it and upon walking in discover that the three or so stalls are all occupied. This I can ascertain from the slight gaps between wall and door. Continuing around a corner I find that this next row of ~10 stalls is completely occupied too. At one point, I think it slightly odd that not even one is empty. I arrive into an even larger space in this same bathroom now (probably at least the size of a large living room). It is full of at least two rows of ‘toilets’ that look like rectangular pits in the ground. They are very close together with no dividing elements. These are crowded too and are being used, for defecation only, without reserve. My need seems to be pressing, so I squat over one, or maybe it’s more so kneeling. I notice that it’s no longer a pit, but a brown towel. I’m not sure how everyone is doing this, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
I am with Dad and Makayla, trying to find a hotel room. I think the number includes 2,6, and 4? It seems we are walking through a hotel building, but it also looks like a large house, with the entrance to each room looking like a doorway. At times it seems we’re in a different hotel, or maybe it’s just that the theme has changed. Watching the room numbers as we go, we come up to where ours should be but is not. We comment how this makes no sense. Now we’re in a portion that looks more like a typical hotel, and I think Makayla spots our room. The door is open and reveals a room I didn’t really expect. It is very small for a hotel room, and three beds of varying sizes are taking up just about all of the floor space. There is a ledge on the wall with a row of thin-curtained windows. They seem to be lightly illuminated from behind the curtains. The beds are topped with very thick and bohemian-patterned comforters that help give the space a comfy feel (it also reminds me of the Enchanted Forest in Placerville). I see a door that must be to the bathroom and wonder if it is nice. I’m also initially worried about getting good sleep with the beds being so close together. We all settle onto a bed, and I say something like ‘I would love to do mushrooms here.’ Dad looks disappointed/irritated, but Makayla seems to agree.
I’m going to be flying to London? At the last minute they switch my flight from one that stops somewhere to one that goes straight to London. I’m not sure I’m thrilled about this. I’m now on the plane which is about to take off. I’m in the bathroom which is a line of a few stalls. I think I’m in one of the end ones, and I can tell there are people in the others (with a momentary birds eye point of view?). Just as soon as it feels we’ve taken off, the plane stalls and bumps around turbulently. The turbulence worsens until we are completely upside down. Somehow none of us in these stalls fall from our position and even more incredibly the water in the toilet doesn’t even move. For a moment I’m seeing the faces of everyone in their seats; they seem to be fairly unaffected and even laughing it off.
Washroom Waled into a wal mart with a mcdonald's and tried to use the restroom. I was led to a long corridoor where all the storage is. I went into an area that was supposed to be a washroom. A girl I know from work A was there She wasn't doing anything and I kept asking her to leave. She wouldn't leave and had some strange excuse. I kept erguing with her to get her to leave but i woke up. Jamie Another flash of a dream fragment where we were.. You know. She was on top. Flower The dream was too long and complicated to remember. I just remember being outside with a girl at night time. I seemed to know her. Part of the game we were in involved a giant flower which sprung way up. Kind of like the size of plants you see in "honey I shrunk the kids." I began climbing the stalk of the flower. I was really hard to climb and i felt tired all the time. I eventually reached very close to the top and decided it was enough and then slid down it like it was a fireman's pole.
22nd December 2020 Woken abruptly and also got up late; last bits of recall are overlapping. Fragmented: I see or am at some sort of small rave party thing. Part of trying to find someone, not sure who or why. There was a nervous woman with me/the protagonist. She had doubts about what we were doing. The rooms are lush and beautiful, out of a mix of Warcraft, Farscape, Star Trek and maybe Valerian. I recall a bed covered by a blue quilt, the bed's frame is painted gold and looks like the paint itself gives it texture. Cobalt and gold colours in general here? There are fancy uplighters, diamond shape shades? A woman is laying on this bed, but sort of sitting up (as one might when reading a book) and it looked like she was getting wise to what's going on, whatever that is, but the dream implies it to be somewhat insidious somehow. I/the protagonist was taller than the companion. (as I recall this, intuition tells me that this dream is pulling on the lack of fun/personal time of the recent weeks) There was a second earlier rave place, a bit bigger and in the same style of decoration and architecture, but more bar-like and open-plan. Earlier, something about JC or another part where a special keyboard has built-in controls for a specific program or game. I had to cut into it like insulation or foam but using my fingers, because something was wrong with this keyboard. Even earlier or in-between. Something about a group of friends. I interact with them. There was a girl a bit younger than me; she kept wanting my attention but also initially she didn't like me at all or rejected me in some sense. In the dream I was of a somewhat overly stiff attitude; I remember reading or being told by this group about some personal things and self-pleasuring was mentioned, I felt unusually uneasy about this. My dream self was more like a character than usual. This girl eventually became my friend, but she was quite vulgar. Fragmented: A vivid and real-like dream where I had showered or something. My armpit muscles seemed unusual and H is naked. Something about deodorant? We were in our bathroom. The details were accurate. Fragment: Drawing an alien drone but the head shape was very modified compared to the original design.
I’m in a restaurant with Brittney and probably Melissa. It seems like Olive Garden or some other Italian. It is fairly full but doesn’t seem crowded. There are three porta-potties against the wall inside, with more people than I expect visiting them. I see two people fight over what was first to one of them. We are sitting next to them, so I wait until it’s cleared out and get up to use one. Now I’m back at the table and talking about growing my hair out. It’s already down around my shoulders, but I want it very long. Brittney seems fond of the idea, and I think I’m really going to.
I think I am at work. Zoe is also here, and I think we are in a large Sani Hut. I think I entered it and then it somehow grew in size to more like that of a large room. It may or may not retain some characteristics of the Sani Hut. It also seems tall, possibly with a mezzanine-esque secondary level. I notice a computer monitor playing security footage. The footage is of me, somewhat zoomed in and following me, in real time. Zoe is currently controlling it. I don’t know if she’s aware that I can see it or cares if she does know. I think I have done something wrong?
Sunday, 9-13-20, Core 2 After a couple of long, regular dream fragments I found myself in the upstairs bathroom, sitting on the toilet. It was night and I was spacing out a bit, staring at the fan grate in the wall (which was on the wrong wall though I didn't notice at the time.) For a few brief moments, the grate I was looking at blurred and faded, and in fact everything in my visual field seemed to "glitch" and become less solid. I stared hard at the grate to try and unblur my vision, and it seemingly popped back into existence, becoming even more sharply defined than before. This whole experience was very similar to common waking life experiences where one might defocus one's vision when tired or consciously refocus on an object in order to sharpen one's vision on it. However, I found the extreme degree to which this happened here unnerving as it seemed as though the reality around me was liable to disappear altogether without constant attention to it. This is very likely a dream. I thought. My mind threw up the requisite resistance in the background due to the realistic, mundane nature of my experience up to this point. No, this could be a dream. I insisted mentally. I thought backwards, remembering the previous two dream fragments as if they were part of my day, then thought back further to remember myself getting into bed for core 2. There had been something a little strange about everything after that point, when I thought about it. I haven't woken up since then, I realized, I am dreaming! I decided to test gravity by seeing if I could think myself into floating, as I habitually do upon first becoming lucid. However, this time I felt heavily weighted down, as if my body were made of lead. Everything was vague and I knew I needed to stabilize the dream. I went to raise my hand in front of my face so I could stare at it to bring more clarity, but I couldn't raise it a single inch. I was genuinely surprised. Why do I feel so heavy? I asked myself, If it's just my expectation I should be able to change it with a thought... I tried this and failed. I then noticed that I could seemingly sense my waking life body where it lay. I could even feel where one of my feet was hanging off the end of the bed. The sensations mapped to the position I remembered falling asleep in. REM atonia? I wondered. Am I closer to a waking state than in previous lucids, but still deeply enough asleep for the atonia to be present? Is my brain translating my bodily sensations into this dream experience of extreme heaviness? I looked around again and realized the dream had faded more. Brute forcing things wasn't working. While I didn't feel close to waking up in terms of sensation (the level to which I could sense my body wasn't changing), I was reluctant to sit in a blurry dream scene for an extended period of time. If this is due to atonia, maybe I can work with that. I'll let images come and go they might in a WILD, observe them and wait for them to stabilize to a more solid dream. After a few moments, the fully blurred out scene randomly gave way to a vision of water, waves, the surface of an ocean. Before the scene could fully form, however, my consciousness lapsed. I know I dreamt some more before waking, though I don't remember the content. Spoiler for Additional Notes: Although this lucid was brief in terms of dream time and actual action, I'm very happy with the ease of logical thought in this dream, whether or not that reasoning process was completely accurate. There was definitely a greater awareness of myself in relation to waking life and a higher degree of observation within that context than is usual for me. I've certainly had other lucids where I recalled what I wanted to do with the dream from waking life, but I don't remember ever tracing back through my dream memories all the way to a waking memory of going to sleep before! The recall process isn't usually that effortless, either. It's just too bad my dream control wasn't equally effortless this time.
I’m at what I think is work. The area looks like a large garage or warehouse or combination of the two. It’s somewhat dim, though there are two large doors open. I’m sitting in a chair and trying to hide an erection by raising my right leg and resting its ankle on the other leg’s knee and holding a pair of pajama pants as casually as I can over it. I think it may be out of my underwear at one point. Now, Beth (from JCP) walks in and starts talking to me, I think about her car. She looks slightly different than I remember. Now I’m in what must be the store. There are fairly tall and crowded bookcases. There is a corner that I think no one ever goes into, so I head over there to change or touch myself? I then remember and worry about the fact that there is a mirror over this section. Before I can do anything, someone calls my name, and I come over to him. We are now outside of this warehouse. There is a smaller building at the end of this concrete lot; I go over to it because I think it has a bathroom. I’m bringing the flannel pajama pants so I can change. Before I get to the door, someone stops me again. I’m glad he does: I look through the gap between the door and door frame and see a man with a gun. He is muscular, with short hair and beard. He grips the silver pistol with both hands, it poised and ready. I have the feeling he’s looking for someone else, but still I don’t want to be in his way. I also see into the bathroom. It is mostly barren concrete with what looks like a pit toilet. The base of the toilet looks slightly filthy. This open door is motley blocking this little corridor and I’m glad at the little protection it affords. This guy seems to be going back and forth with another armed man on the other side of this small, square building. Me and this other guy by me do so for a while too, not wanting to get caught in the middle. I now take an opportunity and dash away from the building. The two men come out from the corridor spaces into the open and begin firing at each other. The bullets travel slow enough for me to track them but fast enough that I imagine they’d still cause harm. Each misses the other a few times. They are conversing during this; the first mentions how he was already shot and died? There is a sense that I did not have to run away from my spot and that it actually would’ve been better had I not. I feel ashamed at my cowardice.
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