Searching For The Center of Everything

[Saturday, September 15th, 2012]
No dream recall- due to drinking, stoning, and overexhaustion after a night with Alex. :\

+

(Taking a nap around 2:00PM)
(At this time, I'm extremely relaxed from listening to binaural beats, meditating, stretching... almost to the point of being in a trance. I decide I'm too tired to read anything else, so I close out of my book at page 106. I face the speakers playing the binaural beats towards the bed and lie down. Then realizing that binaural beats won't work unless coming from different ears, I turn them off and just lie there. I lie there for what seems like awhile and my consciousness starts slipping. I can feel that I'm falling asleep in waves- and my mind will run off on a thought tangent and I'll stop myself before I totally FADE. But these tangents started becoming more real... and more in-depth. Slowly, the thought tangents were becoming mini-dreams. In the middle of each mini-dream, just like each tangent before, I would catch myself from falling asleep completely... by now stopping and thinking, "THIS IS A DREAM!". The first dream I remember was the Baby Coyote dream... there were more before that that I had become lucid in too, but I don't recall them.)

Alex, Nathan, and I are driving down Saguaro Dr. in his Jeep. It's pretty dark outside, but the moonlight leaves a dim outline of the world for us to see. Approaching the turn in to my old home, we see something in the middle of the road. It's a baby coyote. I'm filled with love for this little creature, and I just want to get out and hold it and love on it. Even knowing the parents would probably still be around. After waiting too long, Nathan finally drives off, apparently less impressed than I was. The parent coyotes join the baby and start to walk up my driveway. We drive off a little ways and I say, "Go back! We can still go see them!" Nathan turns around and Alex points out that they are still around, just kind of waiting there. We turn around and head back to his house, Nathan uninterested, but wanting to drive by again for us. Suddenly I realize it's a dream and wake up.

(I wake up with my eyes closed and fade back into another pretty fast.)
<dream recall starts>
I'm with Nathan, and it's around 3-4PM, the sun is shining and we're both in his Jeep driving down Saguaro Dr. We turn into his driveway, and I begin telling him about a dream I just had with us driving the Jeep right by a coyote on the road. Just as I speak my first sentence about it, a coyote sprints across the dirt driveway in front of us and runs into the desert. I... stammer, "Whoa whoa... whoa holy shit..." I look over at Nathan with wide bug-eyes to express my surprise and confusion. Coincidence happens. But I recognize when probability isn't at the right level. I explain, as he continues driving, that my dream had to have been telling me something or telling the future at the most. (Ironically, my subconscious was trying to make me lucid.) We pull up to his house, by his garage, and we start talking. Harley springs up out of nowhere and starts wagging his little tail like he always does. I think he came out of the garage door that isn't closed all the way. Nathan begins to close it just as I'm crawling under it. It's shaped in an almost alien fashion... and it closes as if it's an alien door with metal blinds... but it still comes dangerously close to crushing me. I'm gripped with slight panic as it pushes on my back... but then it stops. I crawl back out from underneath and seem to forget what just happened. Suddenly, the neighbors are calling out to us. I look up and see a small crowd by the next door house, a couple of girls waving at us. Nathan doesn't notice until I get him to look. I wave back with enthusiasm and continue talking to Nathan. I see Harley wag his tail, and notice he's tied with a thin red string to an unfamiliar vehicle where Nathan's Jeep was JUST parked. It's a maroon old-fashioned-esque car. It must be those neighbors or something. Suddenly they walk up from the driveway. It's a soccer-mom and her girls. She talks to Nathan as if he knows her. <memory> Before she leaves, she mentions something to ME about there being a scheduled "thing" and to not forget. The lady then gets into the maroon car and pulls out with her family. I watch them drive off, me being in the yard closer to the tree. I realize I'm dreaming and wake up.

(This time I wake up and decide to try something. The last few dreams were confusing me immensely, but I've gained the ability to "feel" if it's a dream or not. Being semi-awake again, and grounded in my bed, I begin to visualize until I feel I'm ready to induce sleep paralysis. My eyes still closed, I think, "Induce sleeping state, NOW!" or "Induce that state [that I'm thinking about]... NOW!" something to that effect... My whole body begins to vibrate and I can feel that I'm on the edge of sleep paralysis, but not quite there. I set to work immediately.

I began to visualize me being in the middle of a bunch of different scenes, and adding movement for added immersion. The first was a mall... I could hear the people talking... dragging their feet on the ground... but no visuals. I tried other scene's, none really getting me into a lucid dream. Just triggering new thought tangents. I tried again, this time, it was more specific: I was in the mall, but on a fountain's steps lying down. I could feel the sandstone... hear the water trickling and splashing... feel the cool air... I tried adding movement by rocking back and forth... I rolled off the steps and began to fall into nothing.

I open my eyes, and I'm back in my room again. But on the floor... I rise up and see an exact replica of myself sprawled out on the bed... on my back, hugging a pillow to my chest, a blanket's corner covering my eyes. I get so excited that my heart races and I look around the room one last time before my... experience... ends. I my Grandma's the old pendulum wall-clock with the time of 12:30 on the dot. (The clock is a few hours off of real time.) My experience ends and I open my eyes and take the blanket off my face. The clock says 12:31.
(It's around 5:30PM when all of this ends.)

[Thursday, September 13th, 2012]
<dream fragment>
I'm driving up to the High School with Nathan to drop him off for school... we pass by kids and I see the Principal, Ms Jacobson, and a Vice Principal walking next to her down the sidewalk. "Hey Nathan! I think I just saw the new Vice Principal! That was him wasn't it?"
"No, it wasn't."
(I wasn't entirely sure... but I tried to sound sure of myself anyways.)
"Yeah it was. He had a name tag on him... next time you see him, see if it said Vice Principal on it."
I went forward up the parking lot as far as I could go towards the Gym and turned... right a little and then dropped him off. I realized that this wasn't how you were supposed to drop people off, you were supposed to stop at the side walk and turn LEFT. Nathan got out and I didn't see him again after that. I glanced back to see if anyone was watching me- there wasn't. Everyone had vanished. It was just me in the parking lot now. I didn't think anything of it. I reversed out of there with some difficulty and drove back the way I was supposed to go, noting that I shouldn't go the way the buses usually go. (It didn't matter, but whatever.) As I was driving around the Football-field-side of the student parking lot, I thought to myself...
"Wait... I was just in bed trying to sleep... THIS IS A DREAM."

As my common sense and consciousness rushed into my mind, my visuals rippled and faded. Now I'm surrounded with nothing but darkness. I try to focus on anything to start another dream... and I see an imprint; a blurry visual... it's a vertical oval, like a round mirror... and there's a figure in the center staring back at me. Who is that? I focus on the figure and try to bring them closer to me. The visuals just get weaker and I feel my body now in WL. It's so numb, and it feels like my stomach is being forced through the bed into my spine... is something sitting on me? This must be sleep paralysis! I force my eyes closed even more in slight fear... and I just bring myself even closer to WL in the process of focusing on my body. I focus on the feeling of sleep paralysis as its fading... and I try to force sleep paralysis back, and surprisingly it works. I start to fade back into a dream, but then I fall back down into my bed and wake up completely.

+
<false awakening>
I hear knocking at my door as I try to fall back asleep. I ignore it for a little bit and curse my Grandma's invasiveness. After a second, I convince myself she's still there and realize I'm naked in my bed. She knocks again and I could have SWORN she was opening the door at that second. My blanket was suddenly covering my body perfectly. Too perfectly... but it was fine at the time. I slip my boxers back on when she doesn't open the door and I get up and open it myself. She is there and she asks me a question that I don't remember, and then I wake up for real.

EDIT: She asked me how the jobs were going and if I had done anything else with it. I kind of got angry... "Grandma! I said I was just waiting on the school now to call me! I've already done everything I can, remember?!"

[Thursday, September 13th, 2012]
<dream fragment>
I'm in a darkened city street. The sky is a confused, smoky watercolor. Fire's litter the city, buildings burn like candles. What I'd like to call "the apocalypse" has hit- a tank is driving past. The military is exterminating a threat... It's hard to tell who they feel is a threat... so I hide myself from sight atop of a ruined building's wall. They drive past and that's the end of them for now. There is still a society here, just not as open as before. I climb down from my perch and notice a few other's like me. I flow down the street, in a haze, and with no sure goal in mind. After awhile of walking, I fade to another dream-

+

My (Dad) is helping Alex practice her driving test with me and my brothers in the back seat. We're driving around a Mall/Walmart's parking lot as she does her rounds, and practices parking. The sky is a normal white-ish blue. My brothers are extremely impatient towards Alex, unlike me... but they don't have the same relationship as I do. I'm sitting in the very right back seat, and we finally park somewhere. We all get out and go inside and... <memory skips>

I'm sitting with my brothers, some annoying old lady, and Alex and Juan on a couch in the mall by the entrance. My Dad walks up and sees Juan and misunderstands what's going on and says with a testing grin- "Oh hey there little man, you should come with me, I got somethin' to show you." I'm glad my Dad has a problem with Alex's ex, I guess, but it's embarrassing in a Alex's Mom kind of way (can't explain this, you'll just have to KNOW). Then he walks away and Juan gets up and walks to the door. Alex chases after Juan and I watch this, confused as shit. I get up and follow and Alex tells me that that was extremely rude of Dad. She looks very... attatched to Juan. I looked down at a piece of paper on the ground and it said, "Forever my red highs on your blue skies." There was another line that I can't recall. I sat there for a second and tried to remember all the words so I could walk up to Alex and Juan and recite it to judge their reaction. When I got their my dream vanished and I awoke.

(What the paper said was beautiful and sweet... and at first I figured it came from Juan, but it expressed how I felt about Alex. It also may have been a reference to "Hot Air Balloon" by Owl City.)

[Wednesday, September 12th, 2012]
<dream fragment>
I'm suddenly with Aladin and Genie, falling into a landscape of undetailed Banjo Kazooie terrain as, I think the words, "Banjo... Ka-zoo...ie." But the mountains and cliffs tilt and we're falling as if the terrain is 10 times bigger than it should be. The setting develops and we're at the palace... Aladin is expecting Jasmine soon. It's her birthday and he can't think of a gift. Apparently, it's Genie's job to think of a gift and retrieve it. Aladin pesters Genie a few times. I switch my attention to the Saultan; he's in his throne room watching this large "magic" fountain in the middle- a hologram appears and it dawns on me that he possesses alien technology.

[Tuesday, September 11th, 2012] [ND] [Falling In Love With A Loser]
(I took a nap around 11:30am after copying down my dream journal to notepad.)
It's a Game-show! And I'm on it!
I'm sucked through a flesh-hole into a watery room that fills and empties with water. Breathing underwater doesn't seem to be very hard, because everyone else and I can do it pretty easily. It's a game-show. A pretty made-up actress asks questions to contestants on TV, and a dumb puff-fish answers: "You're attractive." Others answer too. This must be recorded.

I met a little blue sea-horse, she was very sweet and familiar. I grew fond of her instantly. There were problems with her emotional stability; however, she was like the Moon and the Sun sometimes. She was so very unique and harshly beautiful. She was also capable of dark moments. But there was something about her that said I could trust her.

Another contestant: A "black" fish. He was pretty funny, and spent most of the game being an entertainer. There were more contestants, but none that I can recall directly.

Another contestant: Stewie- who could switch form with octopus form. I start the game from HIS perspective. Through his eyes, I win a few games out of pure ingenuity. I'm still in love with the sea-horse through him. After a few game phases, I shift out into my own being again.

I remember an image flashing through my mind of a ripped off limb, an arm gone from the socket, and a leg torn badly.

I remember hearing some characters from American Dad speak...
Wife: "Stan... There's Canadians playing here. Aren't you worried?"
Stan: "This show isn't rigged, it's completely fair! Meaning I have the unfair advantage. I can just kick their ass with my win."

It starts off and the little blue sea-horse and I start the game trusting each other. We help each other and win with each other in mind. But after a few games of trying to impress the little blue sea-horse, she becomes intimidated. She sees me as slightly selfish (shellfish lol). And I must have begun to change, because she didn't like the new me.

I don't remember many specifics of the games themselves unfortunately; I just remember bits and pieces and residue that still lingers...

I end up winning the entire show.
"I WON!" I was the winner! ...I felt kind of awkward saying that for some reason... I dropped on my knees and slid across the arena room's center, throwing my hands up as a sign of revel. But that was awkward too... I looked up at the Little Blue Sea-Horse, she was talking sweet to another puff-fish. I had... lost. The Little Blue Sea-Horse I had tried so hard for, had swam away with the current... and I wasn't sure who to blame but her, the current, or... me? That was the lesson. For anything that happens in life. The only one you can blame is yourself. You are the only one in control of fate, the only one who has the power to change your path. Your destiny exists, it's the most probable one; but if you do nothing, your future WILL fit to a mold. That mold is destiny.

But... If only I had stopped to "listen" to my Little Blue Sea-horse... Maybe I wouldn't have lost her.

The last thing I remember: Emma and I were trying to exit the arena-room through the flesh-hole.
"Well, I guess it's time to leave." I wondered how high up I would have to swim after this. I mean... assuming this place was actually underwater. I couldn't remember how I got in here. I stuck my hand in one of the holes that were in the horizontal line of holes and stretched the skin. I could feel the cold water instantly on the other-side. When I pulled my hand back in, I got to see Emma's head DRENCHED and her hair a mess, her face pale as snow from shock.
"You know, it might help a little bit more if you go out of these feet-first."

[Tuesday, September 11th, 2012]
There's a mall, which I assume is Prescott Mall, and I walk around it along with all the bustling people. I enter stores now and then, but my memory is pretty lame here. I walk outside I'm at Prescott still, but now it's an ocean dock-town scene. [**2**] Along the building, there's a rotting-wood walkway built above the water. There are restaraunts on the right-side and the ocean is to the left- but I pay the horizon no attention. (It was sunset at the time and I'm sure I missed the most beautiful scene...) Straight ahead, I follow the walkway to a door and follow it in. <My memory is empty of this room.> I emerge back out. Someone goes to a wall with three white vertical buttons- (like a vertical line that's fragmented into three short lines.) and he walks through the wall. It's a hidden Gambling Bar. I'm sure there's a cardgame inside. I press my hand through the middle button and I can see from the other side... It's a wall of the universe... with a painting of a woman cut into three sections (just like the line). (The wall goes forever, left and right, up and down, and it's filled with countless other symbols and paintings and ideas and markins and notes and thoughts of the human collective consciousness or maybe something more?) My hand emerges on the otherside of the wall from her chest, by her neck. I slide my hand back out with a little disappointment that I couldn't get in. Suddenly I realize this dock is a hidden workers-only area. I'm dressed in a similar uniform now and I grab a giant rug with a big picture or advertisement on it and roll it up and begin walking with it on my shoulder. I get funny suspicious looks from passerbys and workers, but no one stops me. I must look like I know what I'm doing, at least. My idea works! I get inside and drop the rug on the floor in a random spot where it seems to fit, and walk away casually. (My memory ends- I must have woken up here then fallen back asleep into the next dream.)

+

I faintly remember there being a drawer with a coupon in it for free Subway. Someone grabbed it out and used it before I could...My real dream recall starts in... I'm hungry and I want some fast food. I don't have any money whatsoever, but I have a strange feeling that makes me leave. I drive my Grandma's truck through town, having trouble sterring and keeping in the lines, but eventually I make it to the intersection of town just before the underpass. The world is dark, with the feeling of a calmed Zombie Apocalypse (as if the world has ended and this is the last safe haven, or its the end of the worst parts of the end... if you know what I mean. It's not neccesarily the plot as it is the 'mood') Passing by the actual intersection, I see flashing red and blue lights to the right towards Hassyampa School. I also hear faint police sirens everywhere. I see no cars. I keeping driving the dark streets, thinking about my lack of money and see more lights and hear more sounds. Come to think about it... the truck is silent. I can hear noises behind me coming from the Theatre. I ignore all these sounds as "my imagination running rampant", but I'm still worried about the police. I make it to the bridge and notice its MUCH bigger and longer than in reality. (I've already missed so many Dream signs. Damn.) The sky is puke dark rain. I cross the bridge without thinking again about it. I pass the unbuilt ruins of McDonalds and then Subway, and then suddenly there's flashing police lights behind me. Just then, I notice how bad I've been driving- swerving constantly. I try turning into Country Kitchen's parking lot with much difficulty, completely missing the first turn and barely making the second. I pull in and I'm halfway off the road when a curb appears in front of me. I'm stuck, and I glance over my shoulder to make sure the police are actually pulling me over. They are. I'm worried this might get me in even more trouble... I try reversing, but the car only moves forward. I press the brake more... I still move forward a bit. I'm confused more than panicked now, but I keep at the break, afraid to go flying over the curb if I let go. Suddenly, the officers are helping me in a strange way. The truck vanishes, and all I have is the shifter and the brake in my hands... there's also a yellow and black caution-striped half-tent above mine and the cop's head. I'm holding the brake down, as I shift into reverse, then I let go of the brake and walk backwards.

Next thing I know, I'm inside Country Kitchen- or at least a beat-up diner with the lights dimmed. It's filled with young people around my age, give or take. There's a bar to the left of me with a lone girl... there are tables and chairs and booths to the right of that. A bald cop follows me in and begins to babble about something to the whole restaraunt. I don't understand what he's trying to say- but I listen anyways. He sounds drunk or crazy. I dismiss him politely, after listening, and I forget he exists. I find someone who I feel like I "know"... but I don't remember anything specific about them. I approach her and she turns around and it's RUKIA! "Rukia!" I exclaim. She acknowledges me with slightly less enthusiasm. We converse about something before getting back to the matter at hand; FOOD. (I try not to be rude, but I hint that I have no money and that I'm hungry.) She suggests one way to get food:"Go look in the drawer at home, and there's a ticket-"Already used it- it's already used." I interrupt her "Hmm... well I guess if you wait a bit, I could help. I'm kind of waiting for something right now, though." (She replies something like that.) I understand this as her needing to find a nearby Hollow still. It's at this time my attention shifts to the bathroom doors. The bathrooms are straight ahead from the entrance on the left, past the bar. I get impatient after my attention returns, so I decide to speed up the process. Rukia is still just waiting on the Hollow...

I might not do this normally, but I know I can. I remember listening to "binaural beats" earlier that day... specifically the one that would open your third eye chakras. The whole day before that, I had an unruly sense of strange things too. My intuition is top-notch right now. I walk around the restaurant and try to find the Hollow- it has to be one of these people. I approach a couple: dismiss them, walk up to a filled table: not them, pass by a booth of teenagers: they're normal... then I reach the bar. It's this person! Their hair is a dark, dirty purple. It's a tangled mess that hangs over their face. I grab them by the arm and confirm it with their level of shock and resistance."It was YOU! AHA! I knew it was you!" I say with conviction, but letting my excitement get the best of me. I pull the Hollow-in-human-form to the back and disappear behind the bathroom swinging doors. Rukia gives me a blank stare. She's surprised but understands. Inside the bathroom, the Hollow slips out of my grip and shrinks, vanishing into the planked floor through a broken gap.... just like a mouse. I look closer, there's a pool of dirty water underneath these planks. The bathroom is very strange. (I'll have to illustrate it. [**3**]) But in the first room, I set my black dufflebag with red symbols on it down on the bathroom counter. The second two rooms ahead are bathrooms complete with... only urinals and planks for flooring. Below them, I can see dirty water again. The right planked-room is the one with the missing chunks of wood, and where the Hollow escaped. The left planked room has no missing wood, but a rusty blue steam-pipe wheel on the ground in the center of the room. I need to follow the Hollow, but I won't crawl down there unless the water is gone. I realize that the blue wheel must drain the water! I turn it clockwise, a little bit at a time... and it's working! The water starts to descend very slowly. Gradually as I turn, and the level descends, the rusty blue wheel crumbles and chips until its nothing but a metal stub with nothing to grip. I stand up and walk to the right planked room. The water is still there, but I can get underneath the planks without getting too wet now. I crawl down and can go under the wall to the next room. I stand up and I'm now in a room that turns to my right and follows a hallway. The water's up to my feet and its very dim in here. Trash floats along the dirty water.

<memory skips>

I was so close to finding that Hollow! It must have gotten away, because I didn't remember actually doing it. I think Rukia needs to know now- maybe she can help. She should understand if it got away. We'll find it again the next time it strikes. But what if she was trusting me? Testing me? Oh well. I walk out a door at the end of the sewer-like hallway to the left and it leads outside. There's no one. The world is empty. I walk back inside, heart-racing, then stop myself. I decide to use the front entrance this time to avoid getting wet again. My vision hangs back while I run ahead.

There's a figure crouching on the roof watching me, in all black.
"Finally, the Father of this World has returned."

I get back inside to the bathroom, where I set my black dufflebag- but it's been turned into a beige purse. I dig through it for something that'll help. I pull out a tin of Mentoids and pop one in my mouth. Memories of these mints rush through my mind... but they aren't the same as they used to be. The taste is dull and unfulfilling. I dig for more and find an Ipod... I'm sort of relieved, if I'm stuck in this World, I'll at least have music. Or even better, maybe I can use binaural beats to wake my out of this World. Wait- I'm drea-

(I wake up... and stretch... clinging on to what little dream recall I had at the time. I stopped and lied still for a moment to hang on to it, before typing this.)

[Monday, September 10th, 2012]
I had a few dreams... don't recall them. Smoking really does degrade my recall. But it was also the stress me and Alex made for ourselves prior to falling asleep: we had got in a fight and she ended up going all the way to the apartment complex by foot. I followed her the entire way, and she even almost broke up with me. But either way... that day was the strangest day ever. It was like a dream. I loved it, still.

[Sunday, September 9th, 2012] [5am]
I'm at my Mom's house. Memory skips to... Brent and someone else, maybe Nathan, we look at a paper being held by someone and see a WANTED face and are shocked. We find a "Christmas" ornament object laying on a piece of blanket/tissuepaper on the ground by the printer and take it outside. It's outside and we're planning on breaking it. That's when we hear Casey SCREAM at us- in a hissy fit. We go back inside and Mum is taking Casey's side and starts yelling at Brent. It's unfair and I can see that Mum is obviously wrong so I run at her and exclaim, "YOU KNOW WHAT?" She shoves me when I get to close against my rib and there's a sharp pain that lasts for only a moment. I use that to my advantage and try to make her feel guilty, "OW MY RIBS. You just punched me in my RIBS." But before I know it, I think to drop out of this, "fight" and wonder if Brent and the other person can just work this out... but I know that Mum will end up winning and get it "her" way, without me. I wake up.

(I have more dreams, but I wake up with a jolt because of my Gramma waking me up. Godammit. No one understands... maybe I should tell them about it?)

(I spend the rest of my day with B & C on my hands. It's a lucid day. I'm positive I'll lucid dream tonight.)

[Saturday, September 8th, 2012]
I was in the neighborhood around my Grandma's headed to the High School. The world had a more sinister Nightmare Before Christmas feel. It was midnight and noon at the same time... time didn't exist. I was walking down the street towards school, people bustling back and forth, but never really there. I arrived at the Middle School this time, and I remember Mrs. Cole saying something to another teacher that made me remember her and miss her. I was suddenly aware that I didn't belong there, and I became semi-lucid, not exactly aware that it was a dream, but with control over the reality. I had a single flat bar in my hand, and I knew what it was for. I could defy gravity and fly with it, just by willing it. I began to show off in front of a few kids to guage their reactions. I'd grab onto it and hold myself up and jump, soaring through the air. Or I'd just hover there, and few feet above the ground. I was right outside a classroom, and I could be seen through the door's window. A few more kids showed up and then a teacher or two. I got tired of being watched so closely, so I jumped and glided in a different direction. I was headed out of the school towards the main road. I passed by a familiar man, in the guise of a janitor. He didn't even look at me. (Was he the same man I'd seen at the Graveyard in my "The Underground Club" dream?) ~ My memory skips to the next dream.

+

I'm in a shallow canyon, like a shorter Box Canyon, and I'm making my way through it with some people. It's all very vague. It's faded from my memory... but we all made it to the very end, and there's a room. A party. People have filled it. I stay for awhile.

After that "awhile", I notice the party emptying out, save for a few stubborn on-goers, including myself. I suggest we push the tables together and have a smaller after-party. We all sit down, and I recognize some of the people... but their specificity turns to smoke in my waking state. I suddenly hear a noise and look up. A host has arrived... but to crash the party. My intuition makes me up and walk out the door with such speed. Behind me, lightning flows from the host into the rest of the people. They are all horribly disfigured and turned into things of horror and evil. I wake up as soon as I'm outside again. I was a hair close to being "changed".

(This nightmare figure is now reoccurring. I'll have to face him eventually. The first thing to ask is, "Who are you?" )

+

Now I'm in a mixture of Nathan's room and the room we had previously partied in. Alex is asleep on a couch, and Nathan is too. I roam around Nathan's house for awhile and return. I interact with Alex somehow... then my dream turns to dust.

[Thursday, September 5th, 2012]
(It's been a week almost since the last real recall... Nathan and Alex have been waking me up every attempt. I need a less alarming wake-up from now on. Less distraction. I need to be patient. The weed hasn't been helping, so I've decided to quit. At least for two weeks. So my next smoking date can be on the 20th.)

(The dream I had before Nathan woke me up):
The short recall of the dream started with- I was sitting in the car with Alex driving and Nathan in the back seat. We were in Surprise, around the Walmart area in the parking lot. It was probably around 5-6PM because it was light out still, but obviously towards the end of the day. I was singing two songs at once... having trouble determining the difference between them. The first one that I recall thinking about in the dream was, "Simplistic Trance-Like Getaway" by Never Shout Never. But also, at the same time it sounded like another song... "Beginner's Mind" by Bright Eyes. Around the same time, we were pulling out of the parking lot and heading home to Wickenburg. The last thing I remember was watching the powerlines pass. That's when Nathan woke me up in WL by rapping at my window.

(That was a very interesting choice of song. They both were... very... involved in my state of WL. I couldn't help but feel chills listening to the words after I had woken up. How could I know to choose those songs? Does my subconscious have control of my dreambody when my waking consciousness doesn't? Should I treat it as a seperate entity? I think so.)

[Friday, August 31st, 2012]
I'm now a member of an underground club (that I can't help but relate to WoW guilds) that meets online sometimes... but this is just a ruse/disguise. The real club is located just outside of town, off the out-of-town highway. I go in the first time and I'm pretty awkward. I ask for a cigarette and someone gives me a halfie. I have trouble lighting it but do it a strange way... it impresses someone. (By the way, we are inside a strange warehouse-hideout with ramps and rails like an indoor skatepark. There is a control room elevated on a platform in the center of the warehouse.) Suddenly it's time to go, so we all slowly make for the exit. I notice a blonde hair girl walking way ahead of me and say something to one of the members beside me. The dream fades.

+

Now I'm at school. I'm broke and lost, and I'm trying to find my way through a hallway filled with countless kids I know. I come to a fork and follow Jessie Brumley to the right. It leads outside with a sign that has 4 numbers, some of them double digit. These must be room/class numbers. I realize this is the wrong way because of how few classes are that way. I return to the left to find Malakie, she's standing by a set-up table and making sure that kids get food tickets for lunch. Apparently, it is lunch time right now. I approach and am next, but 3-4 girls cut me off by making a line and take my place. I make it obvious I'm annoyed but get back in line. This time when I get to Malakie, she hands me a $5 bill and then a $20 bill. I'm surprised, but thrilled. She notices my confused face, "You have no money! Take it." she insists. I'm grateful, "Thank you." I say politely. I walk out the door behind her.

+

[Dream memory first starts to become clear here]
I'm with my Dad, and he's unhappy about something. We make our way through the same dirt road from the same out-of-town highway. We walk in silence and he slowly morphs into the leader of the Underground Club. We reach our hideout and he takes me to the center room and (memory is kind of foggy here again) he talks to me for awhile. Very slowly and calmly, he turns into a ghost. He's dying right in front of me. When he's dead, he makes me leader for some reason. I only understand that he's dead and he gives no apparent sign of being dead, other than now being very quiet. He doesn't vanish or fall over... I ask him, "Can you at least walk with me?" I'm referring to outside. He stares at me and nods...

Once we're outside, we meet an RM member outside who is unaware of the ex-leader's condition. He must be early to a meeting. I take a closer look at him and he has a Renji/Excelzior feel to him, as if he's important and experienced within the Club. The ex-leader speaks to him, "I'm done and gone. I'm out of here." Renji casually nods, "Okay." and waves us off. I start to walk a little prouder. I am the new leader after all.

My memory skips a bit. We're still just outside, but now I'm in front of a fenced off area. To the left beyond the fence is a hole in the earth. It's enourmous. There's one on the right too. Suddenly, I'm with the club, or at least with some of them. I'm extremely different, I have my personality back: I'm Moki, and I talk cute, but with an aire of confidence and knowledge, and a hint of mischief. (Like the Cheshire Cat, or ___ from Tiger/Dragon) In front of eveeryone, I'm so happy I could fly. So I do. I flap my arms and hover face-foward to the ground for a moment before slowly/surely lifting up higher. Except for one Galkan-looking man, the rest of the club is sitting on a platform next to the fence. I try to fly up but the big Galka man snatches me out of the air and sets me up on the platform with the rest of the members before I can make it myself. I wake up.

+ [I record the first half of this on paper, then fall asleep again after failing to WILD.]

Now I'm back on the dirt road, but this time with Alex, Nathan, Casey, and two other RM's, and it's dusk. I'm going to show them the hideout and the holes. We make our way down the road which seems to take longer than usual. It's different. We finally make it to where the club house is and there's only a... shack. It's not here now. I turn to the holes behind the fences, and instead of finding what I remember, I see a cemetary. We approach the cemetary anyways; I'm not giving up yet. The others stoop down to read the stones while I enter and walk through the gate. Once inside, we don't find what we were looking for... but a normal looking man walks in front of me and says something ironic. (I wish I could remember.)

(I can't believe I didn't become lucid in the last dream. I had JUST recorded this dream in my journal... )

[Wednesday, August 29th, 2012]
(Three dreams. My dad was in some of them. But overall failed recall.)
(EDIT: I just remember one of the dreams. It was a nightmare.)

The entire dream was me trying to complete some strange paranormal competition event. There were thousands of participants. It consisted of a number of phases and it was spread out over an open scene with changing environments. For instance, most of the land was forest, but just up north, there was a line that seperated icy wasteland from it, and to the south; desert.

The earliest stage I really "remember" was Phase 6: We were transported back in time to World War II and were in front of an enormous cathedral. I walked in with a group of 3-4 other RM's, us being way behind the rest of the crowd. There were no guards in the first room, in fact there wasn't anyone. The rest were all in the next room with the pupit in front and the benches facing it. Everyone had crowded in there for some reason, and Hitler was giving a speech to them. I remember hearing screams and suddenly there was growls and gunfire. (I was so thankful for being slow.) We turned to the left and followed a short hallway to a few joint-bedrooms where we discussed what to do next. For SOME odd reason, the rest of the group came up with the BRILLIANT idea that two of them would have sex in the bed as if it would solve anything. I went with their plan. I was to have guard duty outside in the hallway. The man who was going to have sex with one of the women asked me if it was okay that he was doing this, as if this woman was my lover or something. I shrugged; I didn't know any of them. They were all unrecognizable DC's. They started and I walked out of the room and sat down in the hallway with my back to the wall and waited.

The next thing I know, we WON. We advanced to the next round, and I wasn't even sure how. Maybe all we had to do was survive. Our group somehow also aquired a map that was coded that didn't help us in any observable way.

Onto Phase 7. The host (who happened to be an Owl-being) told us that we would have to find the next area on our own. At this time we were standing by an old rotting two-story house and the forest around us was in just of bad condition. Spooky. But the house was locked all around. 4 ninjas (probably Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles too.) seperate from our group, walked past and I overheard them trying to figure out what to do next. They were stumped like us. Once they were gone, I climbed the building to the roof and climbed in through the belltower's window on top. The rest of my group followed suit. Once in, a few more people leaked in, but there had to be less than 10 total. When our group reached a familiar hallway that resembled my old home's hall, we all split up and took a different room. The room I had was my old bed room. There were two others in the room with me. We were tearing it up looking for a clue... a treasure... anything. Suddenly, a loud buzzing noise erupted from outside the room. I ran out to hear screams and laughter and my heart skipped a few beats as I listened. Everyone in my group was already dead. The two people in the room I had just been in had vanished. I was alone. I heard a sick laugh again and suddenly the darkest music began to play and I heard someone screaming, "TATTOOS AND CLOWNS. TATTOOS AND CLOWNS." It was a fucking demon clown. He was coming for ME. I thought about hiding behind a propped up mattress, but scurried to the doorless-closet instead. There was a small bit of wall to hide behind at least there. Back to the wall and out of sight, I waited in silence. My heart began to race faster and faster and faster until I couldn't take it anymore. I woke up; my heart still beating out of control.

[Monday, August 27th, 2012]
The recall starts at a party inside of a strange building. [**1**] (The Blueprints are in my img/ref folder.) The whole place is dark, walls painted black, but flooded with neon lights and bright stars on the walls that give the party an outer space kind of vibe. Maybe it's this vibe that gave me... THE ABILITY TO FLY. Without being aware of my dreaming, I could levitate and simply flap my arms to push myself high into the air. But I wasn't able to will myself up... I would slowly drift downward if I didn't flap. The building has a pretty high ceiling, but plenty of places to fly and sit up high.

I'm in backroom when I suddenly have the idea to try and perform in front of the party on-stage. I see some other musicians close-by and convince them to play with me. I put on my guitar strap as we make our way to the stage.

Once there... I begin wondering what the other musicians prefer to listen and ask them: "So what kind of music do you listen to? I listen to mostly 98 KUPD and 93.3... rock and alternative." (I asked this same question to a friend in WL named Brandon the day before this... I was trying to figure out what to listen to while driving with him.) I was suddenly aware that they might not know these stations, I remembered we were currently located in Phoenix... but then dismissed my doubt when I realized they had the same stations. I told them I listened to "Deftones, Incubus..." and more that I can't remember. No one really was responding. That's when I glanced down at my guitar strap and realize there's no guitar on it.

Amazed at my stupidity, I fly back to the Backroom and look for my guitar. Nathan hands me my red Fender Squire and I remember thinking, "Ugh... this'll do..." and Alex reminds me that it's all I have- in response to my thought. I head back to the main room, flying again...

My memory fades...

[Friday, August 24th, 2012]
(Shaky recall.)
I remember driving a lot, and worrying about running out of gas soon.
(The rest has faded from my memory as the day passed. I should have written it down sooner...)

[Thursday, August 23rd, 2012]
(No dream recall... lots of dreams, but no memories of them. Could be due to overstonage...)