lucid

(Lucid, semi-lucid)

5am
-car, car park, got grandparents in car, tell them that if they ever can't breathe, to call us, because we'd rather they do that, than worry about if they're bothering us. Grandma, Nana, Pop? Mrs McPherson walks by, after locking her own car. It's night. I get ready to wave. As she walks in front of our car, she sees me and waves and smiles. I start to drive away, ready to go. I am careful of cars near me, but it's hard the way they're parked, but I don't hit them. There's another girl, someone I know or someone I don't but now come to know through the way we're carefully driving around each other. It's just me and her, in our separate cars; hers is a vaguely plum red. End up friends, seeing each other later? Like a weird square levels place, heading back home(?). I sit and wait for someone there, grow sad because my parents aren't here or aren't paying attention or aren't coming, and no one is coming, except I have one friend i remember, but she isn't coming, something about a house and she's still inside, it's our shared house, a few people?? Something about others; me manipulating people to come out? Decide against it? Feeling sad; waiting for one who will come. Something about a shower.

9:30-10:40am.
•non lucid, supermarket, shopping with Mum, she's dressed similar to shop workers just by coincidence, I'm confused about why she only getting like two things
•DILD, lucid because see spider, look again later and it's a different spider, things changing between times I look minutes apart. Little place - shed, stall, gazebo - with clothes and heaps of stuff in it, Ben comes to ask if I have his black pants, I'm annoyed he would think so, he goes to look even though I tell him I'm certain I don't.
• WILD? See tractor tyres. Imagine them bouncing. They start to move into a pile. I move a tiny bit; wait. Try carefully to get up - works, I'm going over to the things. I jump up and down on them, am impressed by how they sound like a real trampoline. Stand still on it, or step down and sit on it. Focus on senses for a wee moment - maybe stop because can't hear or see or feel much. Go inside house. Nice tidy house. Get up on kitchen bench. Say, "this dream is mine. I'm in control. It won't end until i want it to, it will go for as long as I want it to." I'm walking along the bench. I also ask for focus, but then I confess it's very in focus already. I come across a baby girl, in a red onesie. I ask her name, don't quite hear her answer. Pick her up - soo heavy, and I think I've forgotten to change my expectation from when picking up a full size person. ?? Pick her up and chat to her. Ben there somewhere. I put baby down on bench, going to change her, so she's wearing just top and nappy, then I remove that; then I pick up baby and the blanket beneath her, which hadn't been there, and I take baby into living room - forwards and round corner to left - and put her on a beanbag with a young me(?). She's now in a dress with no nappy. I kind of expect Ben to ask why she's got no nappy. I'll just make something up, coz my answer doesn't matter anyway. Think I then leave this place. I'm by door and think of the task I want to do, a Task of the Year. I walk up the two steps to the front door and exit the house. Is it from here I... I'm not sure, because I remember getting lucid numerous times, and having numerous little adventures. In a way this one feels like it ends in the living room with the baby.

• another WILD, or dreamt WILD, where I start from lying on front with elbows bent and hands palm down on ground; push myself up? Another in similar place.

• decide to do a ToTY, fly up to look around and see what's nearby, if desert or ocean makes more sense. Fly up through a ceiling, can sorta see through it, come back down, I'm over a town and there's a floating massive basketball basket, and a floating kiddie pool of basketballs, most yellow and with a bit of white rope attached. I get an orange basketball from another regular basket floating nearby, it's just sitting in there, and I can't resist trying to throw it in the big basket while I'm passing over the top; it misses, so I have to try again, because I really want to know what happens when you get it in. I end up in the pool with the balls, and pick up four, ready to take them with me, I'll throw two and give one to the person I save and keep one. I laugh at myself. A car drives up the street just below me, a woman driving a man in a white ute with a roof, and a dog is running along by the vehicle or might start inside the vehicle. I start trying to throw the basketballs at the people. I really want to hit them and see what happens. I keep missing, either hitting just the car or not even that. Once it bounces from part of the car or the road and kinda hits the person (like the door was open), surprises them both. I'm worried about hitting the dog, or of what people will think if I hit the dog. The dog is kind of like Laddie, in colouring and I'd imagine breed. Finally the car goes and/or I stop, and I try to find another basketball to take with me but all that's left in the pool are vortexes, so I'm disappointed I used them all up. I do think of picking up one I threw, but I don't end up doing that. I fly on out of the ball pool, and head sort of north-east (from where I'm facing, anyway, straight forward and to the right).
• go to some nice little town, then it's like we're at some pools. I'm with Jesse, and other people/family members. I consider going out forwards, towards a pretty lake, it feels like we're in Taupo, but then I stay where we're at and go right, traveling along. I come across a little girl about 9-10, who looks like that little 2-year-old girl at the motor camp 9 years ago. I ask, "is your name Rosie?" She says "yes." I say, "I recognise you from somewhere," not wanting to try explain exactly where or when. I ask, "do you have a sister?" She tells me she does. I ask if the sister is older, and then I think Rosie says what her name is, and then says, as I notice a girl right near her, "this is her." I look at the older girl a second, and say "hi Nikoiya." She looks back at me a second or two, then says "hi." Apparently Nikoiya isn't her real name, she used a fake name as we did, so she seems to remember who I am by the name I call her. I almost tell her I am Sophie, but then think she has already figured out who I am.
At some point - after one of previous, no idea which, if they're separate or one followed the other - I decide to do the boat/ocean ToTM.
• Flying, see trees etc, and a lake, yes that's right I see a beach of some kind, silvery, and I get happy because I could find someone who needs a boat fixed there. I think of how I'm flying by swimming, and how it's easy even though I don't really swim like this. I think to rocket boost myself with my feet, and try but 'slightly wake up'; then something about Jesse, telling him about/apologising to him for waking up by trying to use rocket launchers? He's with me when I 'go back' to the dream, and says he wouldn't have tried that. I might try again, remembering to stay present and focused this time? My shoes are red and white. I get to the lake. I can't see any boats in need of help. I spin around while flying over it, turning my back on the lake, and say there needs to be a boat there; when I turn back, there is one. It's smaller than a regular boat. Still, when I get there, the woman seems about my size and she fits in the boat. It's a wooden boat, kind of like a basic toy. She's a black woman in her 30s, wearing green and pink I think. "Hey girl," I say. "What's wrong?" "It's sinking," she says. It's like she's not in the boat now, she's beside it. The boat is sinking, and tips sideways like about to go under. I swim under and quickly grab the boat, lift it up and drain the water out. Then I'm holding it, and it's about the side that I could lay in it and have my head at one end and feet at the other, but curved, like a small bath. I'm able to hold it easily enough now. I see a hole, and using absolutely nothing but my fingers, I try to stuff something in it to plug it. Obviously it doesn't work. I imagined having bubble gum, but I didn't have any. I try then to summon another boat: "boat," I say, and "new boat," "make a boat." Nothing. I was trying for a bigger boat than she has, a proper yacht. I give up on that. Then I take the leaking boat to the shore of the lake, the other end from the beach I saw, and get from nowhere a tube of hot glue. I start filling the gaps with that. I'm a bit worried, because there are two little holes and then one really big widespread hole. But I keep squirting glue into it. The glue comes out pink/purply and sparkly. The woman is crying with joy and gratitude all the while I'm doing it, and there are one or two other people here with us and they are hugging or comforting her or talking to her. I feel a lot of pressure, because if my fixing it doesn't work after she's been so thankful that'll be awkward as. I finally finish, and try to tell her I don't know how good it'll be. "It'll work for two hours at the most, maybe one hour, just to get you back home," or whatever. Then I get back in the water. I remember about the water proof camera. I say to the woman, "don't you have a waterproof camera? Didn't you drop it in a place near sharks? A shark infested area?" I wonder if the people will find it suspicious that I 'know' all this when she hasn't mentioned a camera. But I can't be bothered trying to explain why I know this; I just need her to show me where she dropped it so I can get it and finish. She comes with me to show me, and points at an area by the bank with green reeds. I spend a second psyching myself up, consider praying for safety but then decide in a dream that's unnecessary. I go under the water, and see the shark infested area: it's like our pink bathroom sink cabinet; there's what looks like it could be a camera, inside a special bag; and there's what's apparently a tiny hyperactive shark, shorter than the length of my forearm, and he's just kind of wriggling around like he's fighting some invisible creature. I grab the camera, come up, and open the bag to check it is the camera. It is. After I remove the camera from the bag, a little frog leaps out; that startles me some. I've completed the task, and I expect I lose lucidity soon after this.
(I'm not satisfied with this 'completion' of the task and want to try to do it again.)
• walking into place, near a foresty area, in line behind boys, Charlie and Forrest bickering behind me, I say hi to them, ask how school is going, Forrest says he's got Miss Minn, the best/nicest/prettiest (can't remember) teacher ever.

I’m in bed with Mum lying next to me, Adam is in the room too, it occurs to me this is strange, I look at digital clock, it says 7:18, and then look away, look back, it says 7 but the rest has been wiped away, I realise it's a dream. But I absolutely find it impossible to move properly, to move my arms or even turn my head. I start to hear my 9:20 alarm, and try once to sit up and turn it off, only to realise I am still in the dream. I consider that it isn't even really going, and I am just imagining it. (Shortly after I do wake up to it. I snooze it and go back to sleep.)

Then I’m in the main living room, and I crawl across the floor, I know I’m dreaming, and I decide to lie down on the carpet and close my eyes to go into another dream, a deeper level. After a few seconds I decide against it, get up and go to the front window. It’s darkish out there, dark twilight. Dad I think is out there. I phase through the glass, and during this I’m telling the dream, I don’t remember in what words, but to feel longer, to put more time into the dream, to experience it longer than it really is. I sort of float down to the ground, then I start flying up towards the sky. I remember wanting to do the saving-someone-from-aliens Task of the Year. I swim through the air like it's water. As I fly up, I address the dream, state rules for how it’s going to run: when I get to space, a voice with tell me I’ve reached it (so I won’t keep flying on into oblivion, coz that s**t’s scary); and I’ll have lights put in my eyes so I can see. I can tell when I get to space, because it's dark and because the earth is below me now; still, I instinctively grab a small ball that I see floating past me, thinking it might be Earth. Part of space lights up after I give the command for the dream to give me lights in my eyes; I say “thanks!”, even though the light isn't from my eyes. I recall I’m supposed to find an alien spaceship, so I choose what’s near me that already looks like a spaceship and perhaps accuse it of being one, or label it one. I do see some aliens on it: little stuffed toys, kinda like the little green and blue alien on Toy Story. However the ship is probably two feet across, and the aliens are smaller than my hand. I need to find the human, so I open a little compartment and pull out another alien creature. I figure that’s just a suit or disguise that the human is wearing. I take the little creature and place it on something else floating near me, and will it to change form. It changes a little - becomes thinner and grows blonde hair - but I’m thinking I need to have it turn into some specific person or I won’t be able to count the task. Then I notice Abigail Breslin standing nearby, she says something but I don’t remember what, might not even pay attention, I just point at her and then say ‘turn into Abigail Breslin’, and then my alien becomes a second Abigail Breslin. Now I have my human, I banish the spaceship, “banish!” I say as I point at it, and I start to threaten “or I’ll destroy you” but then it disappears or zooms off - kind of a cross between the two, like it starts to disappear before it shoots away. Then, aware I need to get the kid home or the task won’t be complete, I’m a bit fearful that I’ll wake up too soon. I ask the girl where she lives, to show me. As I fly her down, I can see on the earth the places like on a map, and we’re above the US which is lucky coz that’s where she’s from, and she points out which state, might start with a K, and I follow her finger as I fly us down; “that’s my town; that’s my street; that’s my house right there.” It’s pretty easy to find, doesn’t take long at all. I’m quite excited coz I’m almost done. We get to the ground, and I take the girl to the house, and her dad's working in the garage and she runs in there. Anyway, my task complete, I enjoy the street a bit more, it’s got nice houses, wide white driveways and red doors. I think it’s here I see Mum, and I am just about to go and try do something else, but after seeing her I wait a moment and then go and hug her, feeling i can't pass up the opportunity to hug her, it’ll feel real and I haven't hugged her in a while.

Go into ‘Nana’s house’, call for her but she seems to not be there, it’s dark, (it’s basically Kandy crescent house, but not fully,) I go around looking for something, but weird things start happening: in the dim light I can just see a chest of drawers come sliding down the hallway, and either it bumps into me or I kick it; I kick it and the drawers fly out. I call out “who’s there?”, “Nana?” and “stop it!” Soon I start to walk down hallway to leave, and more things happen, things just fly around, I might scream, I hear noises, and I might shout at them. I think I still ask about Nana; do I ask if she’s here, if she’s ok? I know I need to leave this house. Outside, I’m flying, and it soon occurs to me that I’m dreaming. I’m aware of this for a few seconds before I decide to actually stop what I’m doing and do what I want to do. Then I’m like, ok, be lucid, I’m lucid, and then I go down on the ground and I think of eating lettuce, a basic task of the month. I basically am on a mission now, I expect a fridge is where I’ll find lettuce so I find a house, actually I think I go back into the same house, but I am hoping it will look different to before, and it does. I go to the kitchen, open the fridge, on my way to there I'm sort of rushing, thinking I want to get it done fast before I lose focus and forget or wake up, but then the rushing means I’m not even experiencing everything I’m doing, so I force myself to slow down, and think about what I’m feeling and seeing as I open the fridge, hoping to kind of move at the same speed as my body, not letting it get ahead of me. I seem to remember seeing carrots, but don’t think I do anything with them. I decide to open a tub of margarine and scrape some up in my fingers, hoping I can smell and taste it strongly and be anchored more in the dream. I sniff it but can’t smell it, it barely has a scent. I give up, must somehow get the butter off my hands (I don’t remember, perhaps I just forget it’s there), and then look to find some lettuce; on the bottom shelf, on the left, see a lettuce, or a third of one, the bottom third, but it’s a lettuce nonetheless, I’m sure, not cabbage, and I pick it up and take a bite - suddenly outside again? - and I’m feeling pretty amazed and on top of the world because I just for the first time ever completed a task in the correct month and it feels good. I take another bite or two of the lettuce. It’s quite thin leaves, or the first was, but it still feels ok, not like rubbery or old. I don’t focus very much on the taste or texture. Then there’s something about Mum, and Adam? I think of other goals, there’s a person here and I try to think of a lucid goal involving them (though there might not really be any)? Expect I soon lose lucidity.
At like a little beach or lake, with my mother (maybe Jenn Husser from Claws) and others, I start to notice and get suspicious about part of the water, basically the part of the beach/shore next to a building the others are standing nearer to, so from where they are they can’t so much see it, but a few dogs are standing on the shore, maybe first just a couple and they’re barking, and also another person - Polly? nah maybe not - says something about it. I’m getting ahead of myself - I think first, I’m suspicious, but can’t prove anything to myself, and finally the other person points things out, points out the bones which confirm my suspicion that my mother/Jenn (if that’s who it is) killed her sister and this is where.
Ask Polly about other woman’s, my mother’s, sister, who died, if she knows anything about it; remember as I'm about to ask that it was Polly's sister who died; ask anyway, hoping I might still be right about that. Polly’s face changes a bit like she’s thinking about it and worried and then she quietly says ‘yes’, tells me about it? Or her telling me yes is enough for me. Then I go into the room, upstairs (?), and Polly comes too, and are we packing? Preparing to leave?