Schizo

This happened between 6.00 am and 10.30 am. I woke up two or three times for real, all the other awakenings were false.

The dream(s)

First one: I wake up, I'm in my room. My brother and mother are here and she says something that I know she would never ever say, so I perform a reality check. I'm standing in front of a wall and trying to push my hand through it, but the wall is solid. I then try to push the fingers of my left hand through my right hand. No success. I decide that these reality checks are not reliable and try another one. I hold my nose and mouth shut and try to breathe. This one confirms that I am dreaming. I'm in the room again and I try to fly or at least hover but I can't seem to do it. A thought is on my mind: "What if this turns into a nightmare like the last time?" Something begins to appear and I close my eyes shut. I'm not ready to face my demons, not yet. I wake up.

Second one: I wake up in my bed, do a reality check and it confirms that I'm dreaming. I try to get up, but something holds my arm and starts biting it. I don't know what else to do but to close my eyes shut and wake up.

Third one: I wake up in my bed, get up, do a reality check and I know that I'm dreaming. I go to the balcony and want to jump just to get out of the room quickly. Before doing this, I want to be absolutely sure so I shut my nose and mouth and try to breathe. I feel the air coming down my throat and filling my lungs. I jump off the balcony and I'm outside. I try to fly, but it doesn't go as smoothly as I want it to be. I then find myself in a crowded place. As I said, I tried before to fly up so high so that I can see our Mother Earth, but failed to do so. There is an astronaut somewhere in the crowd so I go to him and ask him if he could show me the Earth from outer space. He agrees, we chat a little, but it turns out he can't do it. I'm dissapointed, but I have other things on mind that I want to try while I'm in this state. I tell him: It's ok. How about having sex instead? He agrees, we both take our clothes off and he is inside me in a split second. It hurts because I obviously am not ready. I get no pleasure at all so I tell him to stop.

Fourth: I can't remember what exactly happened before, all I know is that I performed a reality check and that I'm dreaming. I'm in the living room in my old apartment with my brother and another person. I want to tell my brother something like: "Look, I am dreaming. You are dreaming." I don't want to put an end to this dream because of this so I drop the idea. During this dream and the previous ones it seems I have something in my eyes that makes them watery and at times I cannot see clearly. I tried in the previous dreams with Clarity now! and some other stuff like that but it didn't work. So now, in this fourth dream I remember that rubbing my hands together is one of the techniques to make my dream more vivid and to increase clarity. I do that and the vividness of the colors dramatically improves. I'm so happy that this works, so I tell my brother what I just did.

Fifth: I wake up, do a reality check and realise that I'm dreaming. I get up and jump off the balcony. I try once again to fly and this time it is successful. I fly with great speed up in the sky and then go back to the ground. I wonder what I should do now and an idea comes to mind. This time I'm determined to meet a friend of mine, so I tell the old man that's standing in front of me that in a little while I will turn around and when I do that, I will see my friend S. standing there. After a while I turn around but no one's there. I decide to try again, but this time I give more info about her, something like: Her name is...she comes from...she was here... and so on. (As I'm writing this, I realise that it was very important to do this, because I also have a cousin named S., and I remember that one night before going to sleep I was determined to dream of my friend S. and become lucid. Instead I dreamt of my cousin just because I focused more on the name than on the person.) I wait a bit, then turn around. My friend is not there. I keep walking as something tells me to go on. I finally find my friend behind the corner of a building and cannot believe my eyes. We chat a bit (private stuff) and say goodbye. Then I hear a song and I'm determined to memorise the lyrics so that I can write them when I wake up. I fail to do so.

Sixth: I wake up, do a reality check and jump off the balcony. I find myself in my old neighbourhood. Nothing much happens here, I see a bunch of guys, each one of them has a twin and we try to do something together but I can't remember what. I see a girl lying on the ground not far from us. She is naked and I go to her and we start grinding. It feels nice. I want to take it slow, but she moves faster and faster and then I wake up. This is the only time I can confirm that the waking is real.