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First time in a long time.... No Jamie dreams at all...
I hope they pick up.

Falling

Me and my brother were floating on some mid air raft above some rooftops. It was slowly deflating and my brother was panicking. I noticed a panel on the raft that pumps air back into it. I yelled to him to push it. But he was too scared. We were nearing a rooftop so I tried to push the raft in it's direction. Me and my brother landed on the rooftop the raft now deflated. I had it in my left hand and was going to pull it to myself but the wind blew it out of my hand. It knocked my brother off balance. The roof was slanted and icy. I began to fall too

Cows?

Just a dream where I was surrounded by miniature baby cows the size of puppies.

Seanchan

The setting was from The Wheel of Time book series or Amazon series. I was on a boat with lots of people. I saw Liandrin staring at me.

I woke up and fell back asleep.

In the dream again. A group of us were captives on the boat. We had collars on us controlled by other people. The controllers were ordering us to use magic in their war. We were brought on deck , rows of us. We were approaching a walled city. With one command we were ordered to shoot magic at the city. It was like a wave of power went through us shooting magic. It felt intense.

The boat started rocking back and forth. Then it was on fire. The boat shattered and we all feel into the sea.

This nightmare happened 2 years ago, but it had such an impact on me that I decided to write about it. It also happened during a really stressful time of my life, which I've noticed is a pattern for my lucid dreams.

There's a few things in this nightmare that almost never happen in my other dreams/nightmares:

• I dream from multiple counsciousnesses/POVs
• I die multiple times
• I feel the pain that is induced
• I see what happens after death
• I possibly experienced Astral Travel and went to the Astral Plane
• I am aware of my past lives and how they died

The nightmare:
It is night. I think 9 - 11 pm. It starts with me being in the consciousness of a woman. I somehow know what I'm doing, what I am supposed to do, what my purpose is and who is my team. I know that I am in a secret group that is revolting against the government, which is supposed to be evil and corrupted. With a group of people, I am sent on a mission to enter a government building (which is highly secured by the authorities). As images of it flash through my mind, I know that we are highly equipped for this occasion. I'm also aware that we are dressed in a very late 90's/early 2000s dystopian sci-fi/tech style, and I think that's when i start becoming slightly lucid, because I remember thinking "Oh, we look like that movie from the real world, The Matrix", and feeling weird after thinking that. Like something isn't right. But I brush the feeling off since I have something very important to focus on.
Me amongst my teammates enter the building, each one of us going through a different entrance (it flashes through my mind again). We are looking for something, I think it was some documents or something to do with classified information. At one point, I see government agents entering the room I am in, running towards me. I run away, while alerting my teammates trough a mic I had. Now, we are all trying to escape the security, in order not to get killed. I enter an elevator and go to a different floor, thinking I'm safe. I get caught off guard when I exit the elevator, seeing a toddler-sized worm creature in front of me. It was staring at me (even though it had no eyes), drooling. It had a round mouth full of sharp teeth. I was frozen from fear. It jumps on me, and starts eating my abdomen, and biting and pulling out my intestines. It was very bloody and gory, and I completely felt all the pain that it caused me. It was pure agony, a type of pain I've never experienced before, and I just wanted it to end.
After the creature kept going for a short while, suddenly, everything stopped. My consciousness is now in the body of a different teammate (a man this time),and that's when I become lucid.

I realize that my consciousness transferred to another body because the woman I was before had died (due to the worm creature eating and ripping her intestines apart).
I am now highly stressed, knowing my teammate had died, and alert my teammates while finding a plan to run away. I am aware that the security is coming towards me, as I know where they are (having visions from my former body). This time, I don't take the elevator, going instead down some stairs. I enter a room where I meet my teammates. I tell them that our other teammate had died, and that we have to leave now. But I get caught off guard by the security entering the room. They run towards us. While a few of my teammates get to run away, they manage to catch the rest of us, including me. They stab me through my abdomen with a sawback machette. It is again very bloody and gory, very realistic, and I feel all the horrible pain as I watch, in pure shock, all the blood oozing out of my wound. This time, I can feel myself quickly dying, and as my vision fades, my only thought is "Damn it, I failed again. I can't fail the next time." (so I somehow knew that my consciousness would transfer to another body?).
Now, my consciousness is transferred to (again) another man, which is the supposed boss of the team. I am very panicked, being on the run. I am afraid that I won't be able to protect the rest of my teammates. And my fears came true. We had entered the elevator, going to the last floor, as we had planned to escape through the rooftop. When we exit the elevator, we get cornered by the security and their boss. I watch in horror as they kill all of my teammates, keeping me for their last kill (again, very gory, very realistic and bloody). I now realize that I am hopeless, and I have failed: all of my teammates are dead, our mission had failed, I was about to get killed, and there would be none of us left. The security boss and his agents are very calm, yet clear about their intentions. As I am cornered, I am forced to sit down on a bench behind me. The boss explains to me that he's going to kill me, and my consciousness would be transferred to an unknown person in the future. I am somehow slightly calm and accepting of my fate, only being worried about who I'll be in the future.
The boss gives me 2 options to die: I can cooperate and let him "peacefully" kill me, or fight back (but it would be way harder and more painful). I choose the "peaceful" option, as I do not wish to struggle anymore.
The boss puts a special glove on. It is very thick, made of copper and gold. At the fingertips are small little glowing dots. He slowly passes his hand through my knee (as if my knee was some sort of projection or transparent?), and while his hand passes trough my knee, I feel this indescribable pain, worse than any of the ones I've felt before. It's stabbing, and I can feel it in my skin, flesh and bones.
My vision slowly fades to this blue, bright galaxy.

I'm still lucid. In the dream, I somehow knew that I was in the Astral Plane. At this point, I know I died again, and I have no other body to go into, so I must travel to the future. I travel at the speed of light towards some place, so fast that my vision starts fading to white.

I then slowly open my eyes. AGain, I am still lucid. It is night again, and I am in some dystopian, riverside cyber city. I get a vision of me walking down the street. I am a young teenage girl, and next to me is my pet: a robot dog. I am thinking about all of my past lives and what happened to them, not forgetting my mission. I still have the same mission, but this time I'm completely alone: there's only me and my cyberdog. We are heading to some big corporate building, where I know some government member is having dinner. We enter the building, and head to the restaurant. I spot the person I'm looking for, indeed eating at a table, talking to some other elite. They seem to be having a serious conversation. I sit at a table close to theirs, and order some food.
As I wait for my food, I eavesdrop on their conversation: they're talking about a plan to stal all of the private information of citizens and implant spyware in their devices. Then they notice that I seem suspicious, since we were the only people in the whole restaurant, and I chose to sit so close to them. Hearing their remark, I go to the bathroom to prevent drawing more attention (but I later find out that I did quite the opposite). I look in the mirror, looking at my face, and the cold neon lighting. As I looked in my eyes, I was thinking to myself how weird and interesting this dream this is, and hoped that I'd dream of it again, so I could come back to this universe and continue my mission (so I was aware that the dream was gonna end, and I was aware that I had the power to end it).
I am suddenly aware that the elites called the cops, and I had to leave. I wasn't in a hurry, as I knew they weren't even there yet, but still didn't waste my time, as I didn't want to risk dying again.
I run out of the building, my cyberdog following me. We get out, and I suddenly have some weird type of electric roller skates (like in JSRF I think?). We climb on one of those utility poles, and skate away on the power line.

I remember feeling the wind on my skin, having this extreme sense of freedom I haven't experienced much times in my life, and enjoying the moment. I think I was in a pure trance, in ecstasy. And I decided that's how I wanted my nightmare/dream to end. And I ended it. I don't know how. I just ended it, and then I woke up.


Waking up and impact of the nightmare:
When I woke up, I could still feel the pain in my abdomen, intestines and knee (from being eaten alive, being stabbed, and then whatever that last death was). It was, again, this horrible pain I had never experienced before, just like in my nightmare. I was lucky that some ibuprofen got rid of the pain. I was also in deep shock, and the whole day, all I could think about was this nightmare.
This nightmare had left me in shock for a few days. Also, this happened during a time of my life where I was going through a lot of stress; I was severely depressed, in constant stress and anxiety, with undiagnosed and untreated ADHD, drank at least 2 monsters a day, and slept only max. 2 hrs a day (I would sometimes sleep only 40 mins, or none at all; I had to wake up at 5 am and take 8 hrs of classes every day).

During this time, I would almost never have dreams; but on the rare occasion I did have them, they were always gory, bloody, shocking nightmares. I think I was going insane: my mental and physical health was deteriorating, and my nightmares were a manifestation of my mental state.
This nightmare and another (which I'll write about later), were the ones to change me and make me get my life together. I think I was kinda traumatized by them lol, because I decided I NEVER wanted to experience something like them again. Ever since, I slowly fixed my sleeping schedule. I now get 8 - 10 hrs of sleep daily, and have been for a while.
Ever since, I haven't had a nightmare like that again, and I'm happy to say so.

But I still have questions: why did I feel the pain so well? Why did I still feel the pain after I woke up? Did I travel to the Astral Plane? Was it Astral Projection? Is it possible to return to that universe if I wanted to?
I don't know...

I am in the park where IWL I jog alot walking with Marcus and talking about something. This situation leads me to do a state check (nose pinch) and become lucid. I remember I really had to focus on breathing while I was doing it as the sensation of breathing was very unusual. I've had nose pinch RCs fail when (I believe it happens I'm very deeply in sleep and my dream-body breathing becomes disassociated with my waking body's breathing.)

I decided I would experiment with my staff which is supposed to help with dream control. I summon it though it takes some finagling to get its appearance right. At first its a large staff padded with thick foam and fake leather, sort of like some sort of training weapon. I feel this is symbolic of me still being in "training" with this experimental tool, and I am consciously aware of this. I manage to change its form first to just a wooden stick in the proper shape of the staff and then its proper metal-like construction though it seems too small in scale.

I am also consciously aware of (on some level) how the lucid dreaming competitions tend to award a lot of points based on dream control. Some part of me wants to just get into a lucid dream and fire off and demonstrate as many dream control abilities as I can as quickly as possible not really caring about the plot of the dream or carrying out any tasks or narratives. Though a sort of higher part of my consciousness says that this is cheesy or 'cheating' the contest. I don't cheat. If anything sometimes I feel guilty about counting dreams where I wasn't fully lucid or other 'jank' stuff and only want to count dreams where I was genuinely and truly lucid.

We must have been walking and talking for quite a while as I fiddled with the staff, because we were at the opposite end of the park maybe half a km away. I'm still not satisfied with the staff though I've managed to bring up its command interface.

This guy comes down he looks like Conquest from Invincible. (I'm not sure why the antagonists of this show keep cropping up as I haven't actually watched it and am only vaguely aware of it from some friends on Discord who have shared clips and talk about it, but dreams are like that and sometimes residue that you don't consciously focus on gets a major presence in the subconscious.) We had a dialogue.

Conquest: "I'm here to conquer your planet in the name of the Viltrum Empire"

"I'm busy. You will go away."

Conquest: "You don't understand. I'm here to take over your pathetic planet."

"You are an antagonist. What do you really represent?"

He talks a little bit more but stays 'In character' and doesn't seem to understand that this is a dream. Eventually he gets annoyed and flies at me to fight, grabbing me and plowing me through a field making a long trench in the dirt and knocking over some trees. We tangle for a bit with punches and kicks. I can keep up or am maybe even a bit faster speed-wise but this guy is monstrously stronger and its like punching and kicking a brick wall. I took a punch with his robotic hand to my left arm that really hurt. I felt like my arm was broken and I was even sore after waking up. When I get an opening I pull the staff back to me, with it flying into my hand like Thor's hammer and whack him in the head. No time for the staff's actual function I just hit him with it.

I get up and start flying to get some distance. The park and city layout are wrongly and we're over a large stretch of forest that doesn't exist IWL, though the layout of my town seems roughly right though stretched and expanded in many ways. Time to actually test this thing out.

I concentrate on the staff. Despite being a magical staff it executes commands in a very procedural way, its almost like how Monkey's command console. I have to think of precisely what I want for it to work. When I fire from it it displays something like:

Function Voxel_Base_Set_Rect_Prism;
SetDimension (5000,5000,5000);
SetMaterial (Osmium);
KineticTensor (False);

He flies up to me and I generate the cube of solid metal about the size of a house. It starts as a purplish-pink outline and then becomes solid shiny blue-gray metal right as he flies into it. Then gravity takes over and the box falls on top of him and onto the ground in a parking lot with an immense crash. I spawned a second box with the KineticTensor set to true. This attaches the box on the end of a long string of energy that lets me telekinetically move it around. Its partially mental, partially physical. It feels heavy like moving a large sledgehammer but I'm able to smash it around (no care about collateral) and this seems way more effective way to fight an opponent.

At some point I got him on the ground, trapped between the first box I dropped and the second box that I was using as a weapon. I executed a new function called Magnetic_Polarize and magnetized the boxes together. They slapped together with a loud clank and shockwave seemingly becoming melted and fused but the guy still broke out from between, roaring with rage. He didn't seem to be at all injured, just pissed off.

Function Voxel_Atomic_Find_And_Replace (Oxygen, Fluorine);
Function Voxel_Atomic_Find_And_Replace (Nitrogen, Lithium);
SetShape (Sphere, 2500);

I fire this centering it directly on him, converting the oxygen in the air into flourine. There is a blast of pink-red flame like a bomb. Again not much visible damage on the outside though his suit seems to be burned now and he's coughing. He gets mad and charges me again. This time I take the staff, though I don't remember what the exact command was but it had something to do with rotating gravity. I rotated the entire world around my reference point nintey degrees and he spirals out of control and smacks into the ground. The world is now like an endless cliff face with cars, buildings, people and trees all flowing off and falling down into the abyss. I see the rivers and lakes nearby to my town spill out and rush down like a waterfall in a very realistic manner. Then the moon passes overhead. It's huge in the sky like it is in moonfall like its barely touching the atmosphere on its near side.

I must have started to lose lucidity because I made a pretty irrational combat move. I created a large barrier that we were both inside of and then set its radius to a negative value. When it collapsed on us we got sent to another dimension.

I don't know what to call this place besides "The Heptagon Dimension". It's pretty much a black void with a floor of white lines that are endlessly tiled regular heptagons. (Not hexagons, Heptagons, seven sided shapes). It's weird but the first time I've seen it in a dream you can look at this pattern and anywhere you look, locally it makes sense though it has this strange fractal like bending effect like the game Hyperbolica in your peripheral vision. There is a snowy effect of white particles rising up from the floor. Intuitively I know that this dimension is also very small, its like the quantum realm from the MCU its like smaller than atoms or Planck lengths.

He keeps yelling and trying to charge/fly at me but every time he curves away. The geometry of this dimension is clearly confusing him and has badly disrupted his combat tactics.

"I'm going to wake up now. You can stay down here until you've learned your lesson."

Decent dreams, had full lucidity in the last dream:

Ape monster went crazy and destroyed the city, followed me back to my grandparents place, whole scenario took a 180 turn and became a party of some sort. full lucidity at my grandparents place. Ate some flowers there, tasted fresh and crisp, like a good apple but no apple flavor. tried to eat more food but it all looked unappetizing. Went into the common room and saw my family there, all seemingly talking and enjoying the party.

First time actually eating in a dream, will try to do it more since it was interesting.
No clue what caused the king kong look alike to rampage but I know the party thing is related to this week since we are going to the oldies' place for Easter-egg hunting.
And drinking

Well, well, well, I figured out my old password! I thought I might never get back in, not knowing how to access the old email account I used when I signed up here.

Turns out, you aren't supposed to make alt accounts for any reason, so I guess I'll be banned for a while (I turned myself in to the authorities). But I feel like I've gone back in time now. My old dream journal and everything!

Trying to get back into the groove of dreaming. A few interesting patterns I have seen lately:

(1) Secret rooms and passages at my Grandfather's old house...maybe related to the fact that when I was little and spent time there, I was fascinated by secret passages and would try to find them. But why dream about them specifically in recent years?

(2) The character Servalan, from the British sci-fi show Blakes 7, still seems to show up from time to time. I watched that show a couple of years ago - she seems quite persistent. But I also watched the show in my old apartment and while I was still in school, and there may be some memory associations there.

(3) There seems to be something related to an underwater place, or people that live underwater. Rather intriguing.

Going home tomorrow for 2 days. I'm exhausted.

Jamie

Directly after posting my last entry. Me and Jamie were sitting on the floor facing one another. My hands in hers. We were discussing the seriousness what I said. She seemed to be as serious as me.

Fight

Me and Jamie were walking around in a building somewhere. There were people in sleeping bags on the floor. Some guy was arguing with me. He wanted to get violent. I somehow talked him into not being violent towards me. He got mad and punched someone in a sleeping bag. I went around the corner and told Jamie that we were calling the police on that guy.

I guess the guy heard what I said. In a flash he was fighting me. For a few moves I used his aggression against him. This made him more mad. He got me on the floor and I was trying to hold him back. I can't remember what happened after.

Ladder

Just a dream of working. I was high up a ladder. It started to tip over when I tried to get down. That's all I remember.

Been trying to get back into it for the spring comp.

Was having a classic 'back in school' type dream. I am in the classroom of my 11th grade English class. That specific classroom seems to be a particular favorite of my subcon for reasons I'm not really sure. But I am taking a science test of some form, mostly multiple choice but there are a few written response type questions. It has 59 questions total and there is some weird way you are supposed to fill out the test on two separate pieces of paper, something which I have not done correctly.

I finish and turn in the test, then get out my laptop at my desk. The teacher comes back around and says that I haven't done the test correctly and will likely get a low grade. This brings in an artificially inflated sort of anxiety which is enhanced when I notice that it is sometime in the year 2021.

I do a nose pinch RC and recognize that this is a dream. I get up to leave the classroom and then wake up.

Sleep: 12:28AM-11AM (10hr32m)
Detail: 107 words.

I had a lot of success last night using the morning nap method with 7 hours initial sleep time and about 20 minutes wake time. I'll be testing the same parameters today. Since I didn't really have a plan before here is what I will attempt:

1 - The Pre-Flight Check: I will use the acronym EVM (Engage-Verbalize-Memory) to help recall what I need to do at the start of lucidity.
2 - Change Text: I want to see if I can change text into something specific, the same way I practice RCs all the time.
3 - Teleport using a screen or door.


Pre-WBTB

I-Beams:
I'm at my brother's house with some others. We're watching him play a computer game in the office.
My Dad arrives and it is a bit of a surprise. We hadn't expected him to show up this soon.
They discuss that the weak point in the roof is up in the top-left corner from where we are.
My Dad talks about how he had to make an extra I-beam to reinforce the area.
My brother talks about how that area is the most likely to cave in and drop stones.
I reflect about how terrifying it would be to have stones fall in from a broken roof.

Post-WBTB

No recall... boo!

Sleep:1:00AM to 11:32AM (10hr32m)
Detail: 687 words.

Pre-WBTB

No recall.

Post-WBTB

The Night City:
I'm laying on a couch in a living room that doesn't resemble any place I can recall strongly.
My sister shows up with a puppy, and there are a couple kids running around to play with it.
Later I'm up, and there is a bug that one of the little kids is trying to catch. She has a bag of insects that seem content to hang out in the bag.
...
I'm at a large open field, with a stone wall in front of me. The scene feels a bit distant, like it is zoomed out a little.
I try to imagine grabbing onto the rock with my hands and I can feel the rock. It strikes me that this feels like a lucid dream transition (like a WILD) but that couldn't be.
I decide to do a nose-check anyway and I can breathe.
This is, in fact, a dream.
I continue to climb the rock, not realizing that this is an excellent dream stabilizing exercise.
When I get to the top, I "take off the VR goggles" and the world gets a bit clearer.
I try to remember the pre-flight check plan, but I can't recall specifics of what I'm supposed to do.
I just say "I'm theshirecat, and this is a dream!".
...
I'm lucid again in a city at night. There is an outdoor festival happening, with food and people at a bar.
I remember that I wanted to listen to the "people chatter" and see if it is nonsense like a video I had seen told me it would be.
I decide to focus on that after I'm done talking to a couple of DCs.
"Can you make a melody for me?" I ask one of them.
The DC has a long oval face with short hair, and has a friend nearby on another stool.
He seems confused so I ask again.
"Like, if I sing, keep it going."
I sing a short 4 note tune.
He joins in at the end, with what seems like a couple random notes. That's OK, he tried.
I leave the festival area and spy a large skyscraper, the tallest along the dark sky.
There are lights all over the place and it is beautiful.
"That one, I'm going to fly to that one."
I kick off the ground superman-style and start zooming towards it.
It doesn't get closer to me as fast as I expected, it must be very far away.
"Faster. Faster!"
I get modest increases in speed when I ask for it, but pointing my fists behind me gives a good boost.
There are some electrical lines in my path, and I find dodging past them a challenge.
I start to point my fists to adjust my trajectory to dodge them, and I succeed.
I get above the tall building, and notice a pink portal in the center of it.
I decide I'm going to fall directly into it from the air.
I position myself, and do so.
...
I'm in a sort of "in-between". Almost like a healing pod from Dragonball Z, and a living room is on the other side.
It feels like my lucidity is hanging by a thread, that on the other side of the pod would be losing it.
I try to keep my thoughts together, but I slip.
...
I gain lucidity again in a small room. There are about 8-10 people being forced into an elevator. Hermione from Harry Potter is among them.
Something is terrible about this, but I follow them into the elevator.
The door closes behind us, and all is panic, but then I remember I can do whatever I want.
I smash the elevator door, and shove it aside. Beyond it, there is elevator-like room.
The people cheer for me breaking it, despite it not really helping the situation.
Activities occur with Hermione.
...
I've lost lucidity and I'm with my friend J in a jeep. We're going to go fishing for dinner.
There is a small pond that makes it easy to catch fish. I feel very prepared for this trip, comparing it to another time where I hadn't been.

- Blood Sanctinomica

This was a faction that I was apart of. It spans across the universe, and is denoted with a red crucifix with a red ring centered on the intersection. On Earth there was very few members nowadays. For some reason, Blood Sanctinomica has a terrible reputation across the universe, to the point where they were shunned from any place not their own. From what I saw though, it was a great place, filled with healers who were trying to make a difference. Blood Sanctinomica was moreso a faction of avatars for the same Goddess, Saint Hemos. I'm not sure what she did, but I think she was framed.

Anyway, I was on Earth because I was with a group of people who got hurt really bad. I myself was apparently a well respected and practiced healer. I was also a blonde white girl with blue eyes, blonde frizzy hair, and freckles for some reason. I don't think I had glasses but they feel lore accurate. Anyway, when I saw the symbols of blood Sanctinomica in the distance, (we used portals to travel to space and this chapter was inside of a space station) I couldn't believe my eyes. I had been shut off from the rest of Blood Sanctinomica while on Earth, so I had assumed the faction was dead. I legit cried from happiness. Being an avatar from this faction is not something you can choose; apparently it happens from birth. Anyway, I get there and it seems that Hemos is actually on her way back to this specific chapter herself. That's when we get a call from Nurse Practica.

- Nurse Practica

This is a sister faction of Blood Sanctinomica, and it's basically the same except its goddess is still in good graces with the rest of the universe. Helios is this faction’s goddess and is also Hemos’ sister. The symbol is a simple lemon yellow plus sign.

At some point, the dream changed and I was Amy Rose, but the Rosy the Rascal design. I was Running across this area called the Badlands, and it was a night city with 90s Jpop in the background. Definitely not informed by the “Can You 100% Sonic R with Only Amy” YouTube video I watched right before going to bed and the “How To Make A Jpop Song” video I watched earlier that day. I was having a blast though. Eventually I came across some kind of battle tower. The more I climbed, the more it seemed like Minecraft. At some point, the rewards for completing it started to be these beige filling cabinets that I called “End Drives”. I remember thinking to myself that they're called Drives because you Drive the container into a slot to connect it to a storage system. This was a eureka moment, like, Oh, that must be why they're called that. After that, I woke up.

**10:43 AM**

There was this performance artist in my dream. He had lost a relative—either a daughter or a granddaughter—and through his grief, he decided to do a bunch of really weird things. For some reason, he always had blood on his mouth. I don’t know why.

Some of the things he did included fighting or racing tigers—I'm not sure which. He also had a rap battle with a shark in a tank. He wasn’t in the tank; he was outside of it, rapping at the shark for some reason. Yeah, it was really weird.

His points were about perception and perspective.

During an interview, he said that after losing, I believe, his daughter, he didn’t want to live anymore, but he also didn’t want to die. So, he found a way to live without truly living. I assume he meant that he tried to live as primally or instinctually as possible, without conscious thought. Most of what he did was just bizarre.

In the dream, I was the one giving the interview. Even while I was him, all I felt was grief—just overwhelming grief. And it was strange because I was literally him, something that isn’t possible in the waking world. It was a step beyond simply putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. But even though I experienced everything as him, I still didn’t understand what he was doing in retrospect.

Funnily enough, that tied into his second argument: that **perspective is an illusion.** Even if you try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, it’s a false sense of security because you start to feel like you understand their emotions and experiences—but you don’t. You never truly can, because you are still you. Even if you perfectly put yourself in their position, your own memories and experiences still shape the way you interpret it. I’m not sure why that was part of his argument, but he was definitely an example of **not understanding.**

I don’t really know what to make of him. He was definitely a fascinating performance artist. The kind of guy I feel like my professor would be interested in—or at the very least, want to interview. Oh, you know what? I could get her to write down some questions for him. That’s actually a really good reason to sharpen my lucid dreaming skill—so she could interview him.

Anyway, what do I take away from him? I do think there was something valuable in his ideas—assuming this wasn’t just nonsense. His thoughts on perception being an illusion have some merit. It’s just true. Everything we experience is a controlled hallucination created by the mind. So perception, as an illusion, is just one of many tools our brain uses to interpret the world. On that, he was right.

But his thoughts on first-person versus second-person perspective—his argument that they weren’t real—weren’t really fleshed out. I don’t know if he was saying that because perception is an illusion, it’s useless, but he seemed to have some kind of disdain for it.

What really stood out to me was how, after losing his daughter, he found a way to **live without living.** To **live without thinking.** As if thinking itself is integral to truly living—to experiencing life and getting the most out of it. He didn’t want that. He just followed his first impulse. It’s like **reverse impulse control.** Whatever came to mind, he did—even if it didn’t make sense. Especially if it didn’t make sense. Because then his brain would give up trying to understand, which seemed like his goal. He wanted to live as absentmindedly as possible.

I remember him specifically saying in the interview that living for **just 38 minutes**—however long the interview lasted—was agonizing for him. Which makes sense. Every second he was conscious, he had to grapple with what he lost.

But I don’t want to live like that.

Still, the idea of thought being an integral part of **living** is really interesting to me.

I had lost my body to a ghost, or a spirit, or something like that, and I had to get it back. This happened at the beginning of the dream. I remember it being really weird because my body was moving—just doing normal bodily things—but I wasn’t in control.

It was the first time I ever really felt my body be completely separate from my consciousness, which was really strange. It was different from being in a dream where I have my consciousness in the third-person perspective and I’m just watching whatever character I’m playing move around. This was different—I *was* in the body, but I couldn’t move or do anything. It was moving on its own.

It felt really weird, kind of tingly. I don’t know.

It was doing a bunch of puzzles because the spirit wanted to get something specific—I can’t remember what. But as it was in my body, it couldn’t see *me* anymore for some reason. I thought that was pretty strange.

While it was doing that, I possessed a dog that was in the puzzle room. I was kind of sabotaging its attempts to solve the puzzle, but it wasn’t enough. At the end of the day, I believe it got some sort of McGuffin that made it stronger, or something like that.

I’m not even sure what I did to make the spirit mad. I think I did something... maybe it wasn’t me. Maybe I was framed. Or maybe the spirit was just evil. I’m not sure.

The title of the dream is the first word that came to mind upon waking up; It's the name of the process the sprit used to possess me. It's funny because as I was recalling the dream, I could have sworn it was a real word and was confused when I looked it up and couldn't find it.

Sleep: 11:25PM-6:15AM (6hr50m).
Detail: 300 words.

Putin's Human Transmutation:
I'm in a city that reminds me of Melbourne, looking for my brother's friend D from when we were little.
I have to go to the bathroom, so I enter one of the buildings. My brother is there, on the phone with D.
He is standing in the bathroom, talking and blocking both the urinals and the stalls. He won't talk to me as I try to get him to move so I can pee.
Then, I'm sitting at a table, and the bathroom is represented on a flat grid DnD style.
There's a monster diagonally from me, and I'm represented by my character's mini from waking life.
I use thunderstep to one-shot the monster, and also move 30 feet across the grid. I looked it up, and this is accurate (maximum range is 90ft).
...
I'm in a parking lot outside a store. It vaguely resembles a Target, but less crowded.
I'm talking with others about going to a soccer game where D is at.
We go into the store, and now I'm a kid working on a bike.
I'm trying to access a small port on the wheel. A plastic compartment. Something I want is there.
Nearby, somebody is having a heart-attack.
Vladmir Putin is there, and claps his hands Fullmetal Alchemist style. He is going to perform human transmutation to help this person.
He sort of melds with the person, there's some blood involved.
I get the feeling that I knew how to do it too, but it was risky and costly so I didn't want to.
...
We're leaving the store together, and Putin is now somebody else.
I realized nobody had thanked him for saving this person's life, and asked whether the person was stable.
"Yes, he is stable, and they did thank me for it."

I keep having dreams I want to write down, but the length of them feels like it would wake me up completely. Woke up at 3:32 am today and had a really long lucid dream (forgotten it by now since I didn't write it down)
I do remember a short dream from 3 days ago.

Facial hair: I was standing in front of a mirror, my face visibly haggard and rough. "I need to shave." I think to myself as i touch the beard that has grown more than normal.
It's like a lions mane. I shape it to see what i would look like with a massive moustache (Dr. Eggman vibes) and I wake up.

It's only like an hour after I wake up that I realize that it was a dream.

Back in Stettler. I've been given 2 new prayers. One for the kindness of Jamie's heart. And 2: to pray that she finds me. My 15 minute prayer list got longer.

Jamie 1

A dream of her standing behind a counter looking zoned out. Not responding to me.

Uh oh. That hasn't happened in a while.

Jesus

A dream of Jesus hugging my brother.


My brother is like the most anti Christian guy I know. Also why my family knows nothing about my faith. My family is toxic enough without adding extra things they could traumatize me with.

Running

I was in a field with a woman. Some guy, David, ran past us at super speed. I ran up a hill after him. The woman following behind me stopped from being tired. I kept going up but the path got way too steep. I stopped too. I think the woman was Jamie.

Jamie again

Jamie was with me outside by a building. I had very low awareness. She was trying to convince me that some tall British woman with glasses should be my girlfriend. She suggested that I write a letter to her. I reluctantly did.

Gave the letter to the woman and ran away. Me and Jamie followed the woman to a bar. Jamie convinced me to approach her again. I did with some light banter but the woman was with two other men. She then implied with a joke that maybe she would have 3 dicks in her tonight instead of two...

Okay I pretended to be into that and promptly walked away. I went outside and Jamie was there. She got in front of me. I was behind her. We were in an embrace we seemed to be having sex as we were both moaning. But I couldn't feel anything. She abruptly stopped after a minute and left.


Sigh: please no more loyalty tests. Testing in a dream is inaccurate because in a lot of dreams I lack considerable awareness. Bible says he who finds a wife finds a good thing. It says nothing about dating multiple woman or finding a girlfriend . Jesus already called on me to think of Jamie as exactly how I would a wife. Even though it hasn't happened yet. So that's the position I'm in and I'm not backing down.

Jamie 3

I was in a fast food restaurant. Jamie was working the counter. I was looking at the menu when a woman from the group behind me went around me and went to where Jamie was standing and tried to order. Jamie scolded the woman and said to wait in line until I had ordered.