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In which I fail to stay lucid...

I'm cleaing out my closet and I come across a box of books. I open the first book I see and try to read a page. The words are all real words and they follow a basic sense of English grammar, but they don't make any sense. It said something very similar (maybe not exactly) to this:

The numerous trawling sofas affix zealots in the blind.

I leaned back, touched by the poetry of the words. How pretty "affix zealots in the blind" sounds! Then I started to wonder at the meaning and realized that I didn't actually understand the line. I looked at it again, but this time it said (again, close but not exactly):

Battered and flourescent utilities of ionic compounds lull banners.

I thought that maybe they were talking about the properties of ionic compounds and the banners of zealots. It didn't seem as pretty this time, and I was aware that the words had changed. Some of the phrases kept repeating over and over again in my mind, especially the "affix zealots in the blind" part and the "utilities of ionic compounds" part. I kept hearing them, loud, and finally realized that it wasn't my poor reading skills- these words simply did not make sense.

I realized I was dreaming. I got very excited and stood up to do a reality check. Instead of pinching my nose or rubbing my hands (which is really what I'm supposed to do), I walked over to my window and opened the blinds. I could see my bird feeders and bird bath, but the image was frozen. All the birds were still frolicking and eating, but they were frozen as if in a picture. There was a hawk frozen in mid-flight.

I'm dreaming! I thought excitedly. Then I woke up.

NOTES

Meet on the Moon. Tigress, MoSh, Raven.

We go into my room in the astral. There is an astral demon that attacks Tigress. She absorbs it, and says she's going to keep it in her inner world.

We see Selene.

Selene says it was she who I saw in waking life, just the corner of her robe flitting as I woke up the night before. She attacked the demon.

I am in a drugstore.

A scantily clad woman with too much make up walks past promoting some alcoholic drink. A bunch of men ogle her. I roll my eyes and ignore her. Some other women come in with her.

One is annoyed that they are not getting attention from me. She throws a scarf or on me.

"Get that shit off me," I jokingly snap.

Two women come to me, and touch me, trying to sell me their drink. "I really don't give a shit about your drink."

They playfully kiss me, and I chuckle to myself.

Dreamed I was on a boat (That I didn't start singing I'm on a boat probably shuold have been a major tipoff that I was dreaming.) Anyway, this boat had a cannon. I explained to my little brother (probably incorrectly) that if a ships cannon was off center, it could tear the whole boat apart. It then began snowing. I pulled an umbrella out of somewhere, and used it to shield myself from the wind, sort of kneeling down as I did so. My little brother asserted that I should run into the wind to avoid getting snowed on, but I defended that no, this was the best way to stay dry. Then, I heard my phone make the noise it makes to notify me that I have an email, and I searched both my pockets for it. They were empty, and that's when I woke up, and realized my phone was about two feet from me, on it's charger.

I'm not disappointed I didn't achieve lucidity. I've done it once or twice before, but I'm out of practice, and besides, when I did it before, I never really remembered, because I wasn't really keeping a Dream Journal of any sort at the time.

Does an RC using his clock. Yep, this is real.

I'm at a revival-meeting-type gathering and it's unclear whether they're Christians, Wiccans, or a melange of both. It's about to be my turn to get up onstage to be "read". I get a choice of lotto-game-type cards to choose from and I choose the purple one. The woman holding the meeting looks at it and says, "Forget it. You're lost. You're headed for destruction and there's no way to save you." I assume she's about to heal me from this horrible destiny, so I get up onto the podium, and then she trips and falls. She looks back and blames me as if I've made it happen. She orders me off the stage. There is also someone calling out that I use cards, which they call by some kind of T-word like "trock" (can't remember), and I say, "You mean tarot?" Everybody in the congregation gasps and looks at me as though I were the devil himself. They start to stare at me with hate in their eyes that forces me off the stage.

It's clear that I'm going to get no healing here, so I wander around the audience looking for someone who might help me. I run into an old psychology colleague who used to be a baseball coach and who is a no-nonsense wise man. He tells me this is all b------t and that they're using me to try to sell psychic readings. They know I'll see through their tactics, so they're marginalizing me to their public to try to make an example of me. I run across an acolyte, a heavy and sweet-faced woman in her 30s or 40s, with a braid of long hair down to her waist. She smiles at me and says she'll help me, but then when she walks past, her hair is jerked back as if I'd pulled it, and she falls. She blames me and everybody sees it.

I leave, convinced I'm doomed, and I come across a table full of lotto-type tickets where you pull a paper out of a paper sleeve, like in a children's book where you pull a tab and the horse's tail wags. I pick purple again as my favourite colour, and it says, "You may as well forget it. You're lost. You know how a condemned man's last meal is whatever he wants? Go do whatever you want. Have a blast for your last couple months of life on Earth." It goes on to say that some of the signs of the end days are that fruit will turn to dust. Every fruit I find turns to dust in my hands. Frantically, I start picking other colours. Pink says I may have some hope, but if I've picked purple already I'm hopelessly lost. Green finally says I have some hope - it's a deep forest green. I know bystanders are looking at me as if I'm nuts.

I wake up with a headache. It takes me a few minutes to convince myself it was only a dream.

But was it?

I had asked God and my guardian angel, and any other angels who wanted to help me, to be with me in my dreams. Is this their message to me??

If anyone has a possible alternative answer and cares to comment on this, please do. I will say that I've been going through a Major Depressive Episode (partly related to Cymbalta withdrawal) after a very difficult Christmas with my family, and I posted last night on another forum about how angry I was over past abusive treatment. I've always felt terrified of being angry with my parents or sisters, and last night I wrote out how angry I was and faced the possibility of being cut off from them in my mind. I actually did write in the post that I "might not even go to hell for this". Briefly, I got physically roughed up on Christmas Day by one of my sisters while I was in the middle of a near-catatonic depressive episode, and a lot of past abuse issues have been coming up for me. It's always felt very dangerous to let it make me angry, because I'd lose my family, be cut off, and possibly go to hell for disobeying the honour-thy-parents commandment. I'd certainly be cut off in life, suddenly without a family - even a sometimes abusive family being a safer feeling than none at all. Hate your famliy, and you're alone in an uncaring world.

But it does bother me that I made a specific request (and had made that request repeatedly) to God and the angels to be with me during my dreams, and not only are they still nightmares, but I've now had one essentially saying that I'm a lost cause and they're going to throw me into Hell. What?!?!

My dreams were long and vivid and I spent awhile in hypnagogia, flying down suburban streets with old dilapidated houses. But my dream recall upon waking lately has been awful for some reason, even though I spend time recalling my dreams just after having them to insure better recall upon waking. For some reason I keep forgetting anyway.

The first dream I really remember involved a classroom situation. We were in lab, but it was several times larger than a normal lab. Somehow I managed to break some glassware and a piece of glass got lodged in the cuticle of my right hand. I remember walking around the classroom with my middle finger covered in blood, and for some reason I wasn't doing anything about it. I remember using tweezers to extract the glass chunks from the nail bed, and after wards there were chunks missing from my finger. It was actually rather gruesome and I remember thinking how unfortunate it was that I was going to have this ugly damaged finger forever.

I went over to a sink to rinse off the blood and when I turned the faucet instead of water this thick yellow vapor sprayed out into the room. It was a caustic, noxious gas...and I remember thinking something in my head about sulfuric chloride gas, although I was obviously getting mixed up between sulfuric and hydrochloric acid. Anyways, this gas set off some sort of alarm and caused everyone's faucets to start emitting this same gas like some kind of chain reaction. People were dropping and like flies and the professor was trying to evacuate everyone. I just remember feeling really stupid because I had caused it to happen, but I was just trying to escape the gas as well which I could feel burning my eyes and lungs.

The dream sort of transitioned into this other dream involving, once again, the guy from Ink for some reason. Except in this dream he was actually my cousin's ex husband. Thinking about it now, I can sort of see the similarity between the two and can understand how my mind might have connected them. In the dream he was this important executive running some advertising company, and he had asked for my help in doing some design work for him. I remember hearing his voice, just like the guy from the movie, and it was so calm and soothing...and somehow also seductive. There was a lot going on in this dream, but it gets pretty mixed up. My cousin and sister were there at some point. At another point me and him were in my old dorm room having sex and I remember feeling guilty because somehow in the dream he was still married to my cousin. Even though he told me they were divorced. Anyways...typical weird dream. Wish I could recall better.

[INDENT][RIGHT][SIZE="1"][COLOR="#808080"]13.01.2011[/COLOR][/SIZE][/RIGHT]
[SIZE="3"][COLOR="Black"]1/13/11[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE="1"][COLOR="#808080"](Non-lucid)[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[SIZE="1"][COLOR="#808080"]NON-DREAM[/COLOR] [COLOR="#1E90FF"]DREAM[/COLOR] [COLOR="#DC143C"]LUCID[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[COLOR="#808080"][/COLOR][COLOR="#1E90FF"]1) I'm taking exams. I'm surprised to have a US History one, since I don't take US History this year. Also, I'm thrilled to see that in the Math one you don't have to do anything - just write your name and play a little mini-game!

2) continuation of 1? It's nighttime when I go outside into the school parking lot. I get on my skateboard and am ready to go home, but I see my dad's car waiting for me. I enter the car, but tell him to stop because I forgot to take my French exam. I exit the car, but NBA stops me to tell me the class president, Ryan Macfarlane, has died. I know he means RM, because there is no Ryan Macfarlane in our grade. Also, I tell him that the class president is BM. NBA is wrong, so I go inside to take my French exam. The teacher (Mr. I????????) allows me to take it late, and Mrs. P confirms that I have permission to do so.

3) I'm having sex with an attractive brunette. We change positions. We're in the threshold of a cave on a Minecraft map?[/COLOR][/INDENT]

Just read how to WILD before going to bed at 1:00. Set alarm for 6:00 to WILD, but just fell back asleep. Woke up at 9:20, decided to give it a go . . .

Relaxed and watched the blackness, felt/heard a buzzing. When the buzzing stopped, I opened my eyes. I took a quick glance at my hands, six fingers a piece per usual (in this world anyways); I knew I was dreaming. I got out of my loft bed and went down some stairs to the ground level, where I saw a mirror on the wall. I tried to crawl through the mirror, but without success. So I walked outside. I was in my Ohio neighborhood. I decided that I wanted to head to a warm coastal location (which in my dream land is usually located to the South. As I leisurely ran south, I found myself downtown and where there were quite a few tanks (too many video games). I jumped onto one, ran around another and decided to run east as there only seemed to be more battle in the south. Next, I found myself driving a sports car on a highway, and then into a suburban area. I got out and began walking again, saw a few people, and woke up.

It was lots of fun, and I look forward to trying it again tonight! This is the first time I ever had a WILD, and the 5 step plan helped a lot!

Very short dream about one word. The word was 'hune' but the 'h' was backwards.

Dream - Lucid

I MILDed again!

I just used my mantra of "I will become lucid" and also said "I will reality check" a couple of times. Yay! I'm glad I found a method that works. Thanks, Matte!

I was at my house. Some mini leprechaun guy, I think it was supposed to be a guy I know in waking life named Jonni, killed my friend/coworker Virginia in her sleep at her apartment. He was very smart, so there's no way she or anyone could elude him, even if the attack was known about in advance. I was terrified this would happen to me, and my parents were at a movie. I was home alone, and it was getting late. I tried to call my mom and she said they'd be home soon. I fell asleep and woke up quite a few times, each time with a wave of terror upon waking. I called my mom a few more times. I fell asleep and woke up again, and my mom was home, working in her office. It was midnight. I went over to her and told her how scared I was. She seemed annoyed and told me she could just give me a Xanax and lay there with me until I fell asleep, but she truthfully hated doing that for my dad. She said if I didn't fall asleep, she wouldn't do it. I got excited and told her I promised I'd fall asleep. I thought to myself even if I didn't fall asleep, I could pretend so she wouldn't leave.

~

I had another dream, but I swore I'd remember it and didn't write it down. Guess what? I forgot it. I fell asleep and woke up again, and decided to MILD. I did my mantras until I fell asleep.

~

I was in an episode of Family Guy. The story was about how one of the characters met his wife. It wasn't a very funny episode though. We were on a bus going to basic training for the military. I was sitting with a younger version of Peter. He pulled out a bag of pot mixed with cocaine, and said we could just do the coke off our fingers. I really didn't want to do that. He had just pulled it out, opened it, and stared at it for awhile.

We got to basic training. It was nighttime outside. We walked through the grass to a screened-in shed that had many seats in front of a stage-type thing with a podium on it for a speaker. We were supposed to listen to someone talk, but they weren't there yet. I smoked a cigarette with Peter. We saw the girl that one of the characters was supposed to meet. She was a cartoon with long, brown, wavy hair and she was dressed all in blue. She smiled flirtatiously as she flipped her hair. Peter's voice came on in the background to say something like "And there she was.".

The speaker finally came, a big black woman, and we all sat in the chairs. We listened to her talk, and she told us that we had to get up at 5 A.M. every day because one of the people in charge had to get up that early. I thought that was a little ridiculous, but it was the military, so I didn't argue. We were dismissed. I took Peter's hand and he offered me a cigarette. I took one, and he lit mine off of his. We walked past this little area where there were big rocks surrounding a tree in a semi circle. Morrie from Tuesdays With Morrie was there, all cartoonified. Him and Peter made some sort of joke, and we kept walking. We went into another little screened-in shed. There was a big banner lying on a table to welcome us. A big rainbow appeared on the banner. I thought it was very sarcastic sounding, since it was welcoming us to the military.

Wait what? Rainbows don't just appear on banners. I was dreaming! I knew the dream was almost over, but I examined my hands anyway to induce clarity. Things kept fading, but I finally stabilized them a bit. I did an RC. There was a chalkboard/marker board in the room. It had an orange spiral drawn on it with text inside of it. There were little stick people drawn off to the side. I glanced away and looked back. The text had changed, and the spiral was smaller. I floated up through the ceiling and ended up inside my family's bonus room. I could feel that I was going to wake up any minute, so I quickly thought of something I could do in a short amount of time. I decided to fly through space, if only for a minute. I took off through the ceiling and I was in space! It was beautiful. There were purpleish-blue stars everywhere, and I saw an orange galaxy off in the distance. It was amazing. It only lasted a few seconds though, before it started to fade to black.

"Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing."
Anonymous

I was at my school, and I was carrying my baby cousin. She was having a fit and completely freaking out, so I put her in her stroller.
Time skip.
I was in a hallway at the school, and my mother was there. She told me to go outside to the car to assist my father with carrying some things. I had my sweater on, so I knew I'd be warm enough. I walked over to the doors and was about to go outside to the parking lot, when I realized that I didn't have my shoes. I went back to where my mother was to get them, but she began to scold me for not helping, claiming that everything had been brought inside already. I angrily put on my shoes and went outside. I jumped on the ground and slid on the ice on my belly. It was jolly good fun, but I stopped because I didn't want to dirty my sweater.
I walked over to the car where my father was working on his computer. I began talking to him though the window.
"Can I help carry anything?" I asked. I noticed some gross-looking bugs on the outside of the car.
"Everything has been brought in except a couple things that Ill get."
"I'll carry them."
"Why?"
"Well, because I didn't help out earlier and I desired to make reparations for my lack of assistance, and THAT BUG IS CREEPING ME OUT!"
On the car was an ant and a "tomato spider," as I called it (see image below). They both had a bunch of little white grub-like things attached to them, parasites I expected. The ant was big, but worse was the tomato spider. It had a gross red body and long legs, and a fuzzy tail. It fell off the car and I jumped back. I began to stomp on it, but every time I tried to kill it, it didn't die. I stomped again and again, but it still lived.
I went into panic mode. I was freaking out. I hate bugs, and they are one of my biggest fears. I began to flail, and I almost hit a nice young lady in my panic. My father kept telling me to calm down, but I just couldn't. Now while that damn spider still lived. I stomped again, and again, and again. Finally, I threw a napkin on it and stomped again. Finally, I woke up.
This one scared the feces out of me. I am so afraid of bugs, for no reason. I think this one counted as more of a nightmare than the last one, because while roaches are just gross, big red spiders are frightening.

This thing is awful. Actual size.

I remember checking my favourite webcomic. There was a strange, short message in place of the comic... I forget what it said.

I checked my skype. 90% of my contacts blocked me. While at the time, the 10% who didn't block me seemed important, I can't remember their identities at the moment.


Went to bed at 11:00pm, woke up to alarm at 6:00am for lucid dreaming. However, my alarm was set to vibrate, and was set to go off at 5:00. 6:00 did not give me enough time to try a WILD before I had to wake up and go to school. Went back to sleep and tried for a DILD. I cannot remember if the proceeding dream occured before or after this event.

This is not actually a dream journal but more of an event log...
Last night i had a couple of dreams, after waking i would try to recall my dream and then fall back to sleep. Throughout my dreams i have been able to recall the previous dream clearly and tried to stay focused on them, to remember them when i wake.... but no luck with that. All that is left now is little bits of images and allot of blanks.

I remember in my "first" dream i was at a car show, racing track tipe of place. it was night time and there was allot of people. everybody enjoyed the cars and burning rubber but there was this one guy that seemed as if he was from "holywood"
He had short grey-ish hair but was not an aged man, i would guess maybe in his 30's or something. i can't really recall his face but i remember his blue eyes... they looked cold but with a re-asuring aura.. he was dressed in a suite.

then there is a blank...dont really remember what happened,
I remembered there was a woman making an anounsment and this man walking up to one of the drivers, pulling out a handgun and shooting the guy with no reason or hesitation. almost as if it was some kind of mission he had to complete. the driver droped dead, blood on the tar and this "hitman" guy walking into the crowd as if nothing happened. cant really recall if there was screaming or anything. this whole incedant i was viewing in 3rd person.

thats about all i can remember...

then i woke up and went back to sleep..... i woke up again, asuming i just had a dream with an image stuck in my mind...... i remember the colours, red, white, and black
ot looked like some sort of print on a cd cover or something. i remember the fugure in the picture but it's not clear at all. also i remember the word "Holy" or "heaven" or something like that, starting with an H. it created this feeling of awsomeness within me. something Great, think relating to music or musicians.

another dream i remember. i was at someones house, not sure who it was. they had a swimming pool and the weather was overcast. i usualy dont swim in "real life" but i was swimming. the water was cold but nice. i remember there was a little boy im my dream as well. guessing he was about 7 years old. he had dark brown hair and had long legs for his age, he looked to be very athletic.the whole dream seemed to be different shades of green. from the pool there was a sliding door leading into the house. all the "adults" was in the house doing their own thing. i also remember there was a potplant by the pool. it was quite a big pot with what looked to be a plant that was part of the fern family.

and thats about it.

the last one i remember slightly is going shopping with my mother....at what seemed to be a center where the chinise and japanese sell all kinds of things, from tuppawhere to shoes and clothing..... anything and everything. i remember trying on some sandels that had an awsome shape,the straps that goes over your foot were decorated with shells and it looked fabulous!! and fitted like a glove, was very comfy!! there was this high heal that was made from green leather that was very nice with shoe laces toe tie it. i really liked it but not the fact that it was heals. seeing this i showed it to my mother which sparked up a conversation about the boots we bought (Real life) with sharp tips..... i remember the colours cream, green, white, lime green, grey, peachy, and the paint on the shop walls, bagey colour. very plain

the alarm went off signaling me to get up, thats when i forgot most of the dreams...... *sigh

non dream dream lucid

I had 3 dreams that I remember last night.
I was with my friend Kaitlynne. We were at a movie theatre. I asked her," Wouldn't it be cool if they played Lord of the Rings here still?" and she said, "Yeah. Especially The Return of the King." then I said, "Cuz Aragorn looks better in that movie " Then she nodded. Then we went to a hotel with her mom. I went to the bathroom, though I don't really remember using the bathroom...lol. Then I got into my pajamas and turned on TV. Tom&Jerry was on so we watched it for a while. Then suddenly, Kaitlynne turned in to Tom and I was the girl cat. Jerry was there and I started smacking "Tom". Then I woke up.

Dream2: I was getting up for school and my mom said, "There's a 2 hour delay, go back to bed." So I did. Then I woke up.

Dream3!!(This was my favorite): I was at my grandma's house. There were a bunch of ferrets. All of them were tan and really big. Then I saw a really cute little black and white one. I picked him up and he started crying, literally! It was so sad. I hugged him and he talked to me! I don't remember what he said though. But, I took him to the litter box thing and he pooted. Lol. Then I had to leave my grandma's house and I wanted to take him with me. So he went home with me and he was really happy. Oh my gosh, I want a ferret now.

I'm skating down the interstate on roller blades. There were a few motorcycles that I was keeping up with until I came to an exit. I got off and I was trying to find my way around this place. I ended up going across of railroad tracks. I think I was just looking for a good spot to skate. I ended up going trough a crap load of huge rose bushes, and some guy on skates was also following me.

I saw my two brothers, and one of them let me hold their fishing pole, and I started fishing at this ditch, and immediately had a few hits. On the third cast, I pulled up as soon as I felt a tug and started reeling it in. A crowd showed up, and they were trying to critique my technique. My brother was thinking that maybe it could have been a junk fish. I continued reeling, and eventually I pulled out this crystal clear looking bass. One of the random dc's held it up for a second and said that was the first fish he ever saw caught in person. I tossed it back, and we hopped in the car.

We were all smoking and my brother said something about how we were going to get 5000 for something we did. We ended up going to some part of town that seemed familiar, but now that I think about it, I don't know where it was, maybe a dream?


sidenote: starting to wake up after each of my dreams now.