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10.20.2011

My Dream Guide Returns (Semi Lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

I had gotten only 4 hours of sleep on the 18th and 1 hour of sleep on the 19th so I basically crashed at 8:30 last night. I was sleep walking and talking deliriously and everything. It gave me a ton of REM and extra sleep. Somewhere during the night I had this dream.

I was in one of the top floors of a skyscraper. I was infiltrating a large corporation, they were probably evil and wanted to take over the world or something. There was a party going on. Everyone talking in groups and wearing suits and dresses while they drank and ate appetizers. I was standing on my own observing what everyone was doing. I randomly became semi lucid. A group of people not far from me dispersed and behind them was a girl who looked in her early 20s with red hair wearing a black dress and a large witches hat with a silk ribbon coming off the tip that went down to her waist. I immediately recognized her as my dream guide! I became filled with happiness and relief. It had been 9 months since I first met her and 9 months of searching to try and find her again. She was weaning different clothes than the first time I saw her. Then she was wearing a different dark purple dress and hat.

I ran up to her and hugged her and said "finaly!". She was taller than me. I am very dissapointed that I was only semi lucid. I didn't think to ask her her name or any of the very important things I had planned on asking her. In fact we didn't really talk for the rest of the dream because we were under cover. She helped me infiltrate and spy on the corporation. My lucidity dropped as I followed the dream but I was content to just be with my dream guide again.

Eventually I woke up and was very happy and disappointed at the same time. I had done the one thing that had challenged me for so long but I didn't actually do it myself, she came to me while I was semi lucid like the first time I met her. Also I didn't go through with the plan I had tried to ingrain into my head on what to do when I met her. I didn't know what to say because I was so happy like the first time I met her. Hopefully this will mean she is going to start showing up more and we can start my training like she promised we would. I'm going to start committing more to lucid dreaming again and I will remember to ask her her name next time!

again! it's been a while since i posted, but it's also been a while since i had any memorable dreams. i actually had two, one about a week ago and a few fragments last night.

i'll start out with the dream from last week.

it started out with a view of what looked to be a buddhist temple. it was set atop a flight of what seemed like hundreds of stairs. there was a thick forest in the background. in front of the temple, thousands upon thousands of people were walking up the stairs to enter it. suddenly, i am at the entrance to the temple, which is now empty for some reason, decrepit, and overgrown with vines and whatnot. for some reason, i am wielding a gun, now, an m1 carbine to be more specific. and then, this is where it gets wierd. suddenly, a bunch of chimpanzees in black leather armor come running at me. some of them have clubs, and some of them have guns. none of them fire at me, and none of them with the clubs try to hit me. they just chase me, and i pick them off one by one. it went on for a while like this, a how-long-can-you-last type of thing. the dream ended with me continuing to pick off monkeys.

quite satisfying, because i hate monkeys.
and yes, this is a "long" dream for me.

and now, for the fragments.

in each fragment, one of my greatest fears came to life.

the first one was spiders. i am afraid of all bugs, but i am afraid of spiders the most. this fragment was while i was just falling asleep. i could feel them crawling on me. up and down my legs, on my face. in my head, i just saw piles of tarantulas. hundreds of them, just crawling over each other. it's hard to explain, but i could see them crawling inside my empty skull. all of this was when i was awake. it was odd, i couldn't escape this by waking up, because i was already half awake to begin with.

the first dream was kind of indescribable as far as perspective goes, but as for the next two these are the first dreams i can remember that i've had in the third person. and, for that matter, the first dreams where i can clearly make out faces (the faces being my own). i can never make out faces in dreams, they are either blank or blurred. but in these two, i can clearly make out my face, and even the faces of those around me in this next dream (granted, they are surgeons wearing masks, but....)

the second great fear i have is surgery. and, you'll note as the dream goes on, dying violently. i am absolutely mortified of surgery. i cannot handle the fact that somebody is poking around inside of me with scalpels and needles. i am too afraid that i would wake up, because the entire time i was knocked out i would still be thinking of what happened if i woke up. which makes absolutely no sense and it is nearly impossible that that would ever happen. ah, the anxiety complex.

it begins with me, laying on a steel table, in absolute darkness except for one overhead light. there are three surgeons huddled around me, all male. i have a normal outfit on, black pants and a red jacket. the surgeons appeared to have just opened up my entire torso right through my clothes. who needs gowns, right? i am looking at myself behind two surgeons. i appear awake and aware of the fact that i am awake during a surgery, but it doesn't seem to faze me. now, the view changes to a closeup of the area of my body that has been opened up. i have minimal knowledge of anatomy, but for some reason everything seemed perfect. everything was muscle. then, one of the surgeons took a knife, stabbed me with it, and yanked it down, thus cutting a hole in my muscle that i could now see into. under it, i noticed my ribcage and lungs. he continued to jab and cut my flesh until my entire upper body looked like it had been beaten with a cleaver. there was blood everywhere, and my heart was beating (i was still alive...?) inside my shattered ribcage. the view moved so that i was now looking at myself from a birds-eye view, directly above the operating table. my eyes were still open and i was smiling. i couldn't tell if my heart was beating now, but i really hope that at that point i was dead. now, another surgeon took some sort of oversized trench knife/brass knuckes combo, and proceeded to separate the upper half of my body from the lower. i saw my intestines spill out, my legs fall to the ground, and the upper half of me slowly slide off the table. i fell to the ground, eyes open, still smiling.


my final fear is isolation, and loneliness. the scariest thing i could think of is going through life without anybody caring about you.

again, this is me in the third person. i can tell it's me, because once again i am wearing one of my own dresses, boots, and i can also tell by my hair. my back is turned, though.

i'm in a corn field, although there's not much there because it is winter. my back is turned, and i am sitting on the ground cross-legged. i just sit there for a while and listen to the cool breeze. then, out of thin air, thousands of locusts appear around me. they surround me and start biting me. i have no form of self defense, it is impossible for me to get up and run. i am being eaten alive by these locusts, screaming for help, but no one's there. soon, everything just becomes a brown blur and the dream is over.

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I was at the playground on a rainy day. I then went to the principal's office, where a vampire that looked a lot like Megamind came to greet me and bit me on the arm (which is where vampires tended to bite me in my dreams at the time). I felt a sharp, stinging pain for a brief period of time and then he left. There was a ramp that lead to a higher level and there was a mummy like skeleton who wanted me to do a quest. I remember that the room was covered in gold and riches. Every step the mummy took, his priceless gold jewelry clanked around. I then woke up to realize that that was the sound of my mom's necklace shaking as she tried to wake me up for school.

These dreams were extremely vivid this time. I was really amazed by how vivid. I remembered every single detail of the dreams right when I woke up, but gradually forgot most detail until writing some key notes.

This vividness perhaps has to do with getting very close to successfully WILDing at bedtime before the dreams. My heart started beating really fast when I was this close, and I couldn't calm it down, so I decided to stop and ask at the forums the next day and went to sleep naturally, and TA-DA! Super vivid dreams, much more than I've had in a long while.

It kinda sucks that I happened to fall asleep in the middle of the night in a not as good as super happy mood because that would've been really great, being that these dreams were super vivid. But no, both or all of them were kind of that awkward helpless and self-conscious doing stupid things feeling I sometimes get in social situations when I'm not feeling super happy and confident like I want to.

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I am in Art Class with Mr. Gamble in the print-making room (not in the room where you paint and print and apply acid, but the other room where you draw mostly). The room is full of students, some of them are standing up, some are sitting down, some are sitting down on impractical objects. I am sitting down on the table near the center, but slightly close to the rack in the corner of the room. I am swinging my legs around, minding my own business, doing nothing, just sitting there and observing or daydreaming a little bit. Lauren, Liz, and Bruce are nowhere to be found thank goodness for me in my waking reality looking back.

Mr. Gamble asks me about something, an assignment that I need to get done, this part of the dream probably associated with my anxiety IWL about completing the pop-up art. I apologize to him and say I'll get it in for sure on time. I begged god not to let him over-talk like usual. Thankfully, after asking me about that thing he walks away. I think he tells something to the class but I wasn't listening. Then I think he walks out the door.

Ms. Taylor is now in the classroom. Then I watch my brother come into the classroom. He has some friends waiting outside the door, the same and more friends as in the dream I had the previous night. He asks Ms. Taylor is he could go out to the food places down the street, as if Ms. Taylor was our mom. I don't question this at all. All I could think about at this point is coming with him. Ms. Taylor says "Yeah, go ahead." I say I will go with them. Then Josef leaves out the door not even noticing me there. I am hesitant to follow them now because it would be weird. Ms. Taylor says "well, go?." I feel rushed and embarrassed, and angry at Ms. Taylor for being angry at me. I run out the door to the hallway and I look down the hall towards staircase A. I see my brother walking back and from a distance, holding a pizza form or box or something, he tells Ms. Taylor that there's a group pizza thing and asks if he could buy it for him and his friends. She says yes, and he starts running back towards staircase A, into the distance. I wasn't able to ask him if I could go with him, and for that I feel frustrated and bad. He didn't notice me standing there speechless and waiting to speak at all! It's like I wasn't even there the whole time! Well I don't think that, I'm really just having vague 'forever alone' thoughts and feelings come to me. I impulsively follow him. Everyone is wearing light winter coats. It is snowing very lightly, and there is snow about a foot and a half deep on the other side of the drive in road of the school on the side toward the park, while the snow in the main grass area in the middle is also either about a foot deep, deeper, or lightly buried that you can see some grass. As I am walking toward my brother leaving the school and starting up to the middle area, I am playing with my cellphone, and it makes a loud noise that I don't even recall now from reading my notes. Then I am playing with some kind of thin chord from my cellphone that could be a part of a headphone. I trip and fall into the snow as I cross the drive in road toward the park, and hide in the snow, for the first time noticing and watching my brother play snowball fight. I then notice that the sliding part of the cellphone and the thin chord has submersed into ice cold snow, and am worried that it will break. I somehow check if it still works. Then I continue watching my brother. I feel left out, and want to reach out to him but he is so far away, and if I did, it would be awkward and embarrassing.

Then I wake up.

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This next dream I only clearly remember the part with Liz eating a butterfly. The rest is a very foggy memory of being on a bus with some awkward moments among friends that I blame on myself.

I'm not sure if we were also on a bus at this part or not, but it appeared to be a dark, small or hidden, location. I am there with Lauren and Liz. Liz is sitting on a bench or some higher seat above me and Lauren, and Lauren and I are looking slightly up at her. I don't see Lauren face very often in this fragment. Both of our eyes are focused on just Liz. I actually remembered completely clearly every single word and a phrase that stood out, that Liz said to us, and our responses. We are talking about butterflies for some reason. Liz says she hates butterflies, and starts eating one. We see her eating one, but it's like a thought form imagination that we each share or something, because none of us think she is actually eating a butterfly. The butterfly looked a little foggy as well. Then, to tease us even more, Liz uses a Harry Potter wand she had laid out beside her and casts and quick spell to manifest a real butterfly. It was a very large butterfly - noticing after waking up from the dream - but none of us questioned the size, we all knew it was real. She slowly starts eating the butterfly, tearing off the wing material from it's stems, one area by one. My and Laurens' reactions to this include super sad partially fake crying, yelling, "NO!!"'s, "STOP IT"'s, and EWW's. I am feeling very sad seeing this happen. In the end, she tore off 3 sections of the left wing. We were all so sad. The butterfly was very beautiful and very still while this was going on. It looked like a monarch, but was blue.

Observation: I seem to unknowingly control the situation in the dream by having hopes about something and worries about something. Ie: With Mr. Gamble, he rarely ever stop talking in real life, but in this dream I really wanted him to not talk so much as he does, and somehow felt like I had a bit of control over this by commanding it in my mind, and it worked! Maybe if I learn to notice these control coincidences and increased law of attraction in dreams, I will be able to recognize I can control things much more easily and thus have a lucid dream.

I was in an anime cartoon from a book I read at a meeting at a college. Then me and all the characters of the book walked up some stairs into a minecraft world. Then, the real world, where we were reenacting Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, and I became a sith lord.

Lucid - No

Voting

Steve - Angel's Dad

Angel living in her parents house

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen daring each other.

Kristen Kreuk posing nude

Fixing electrical in house. Went outside to fix fuse box. There was a bumble bee.

In hotel. I was sharing a room with Sara (Angel's Apartment). Our room number was 1550. Angel and Michelle were in the room across from mine. I was drying my hair.

Ice Skating on a lake. After I started skating, I learned that there were very weak spots in the ice. So I had to steer clear. There were two others with me, with hockey sticks. I don't know who they were.

In a hotel room, Angel left a note that said that Kristen was in an accident and she also got pregnant by some 29 year old.

Boot camp running miles on a ship. I went the wrong way. Ran ahead of Angel. Had to get water columns for going back on boat. I thought that I knew I was dreaming, so I placed myself in the front of everyone and started turning poles red (don't think I was really lucid though). Described to Carol and Kristen the perfect theft of going to Mexico.

Faringtonham - kangaroo that can fly

An Italian in Mexico - "me Madre and Padre are in the carro.

Work - people getting suits on the shoe isle, and I freaked cause they weren't putting them back.

Me and Kristen? were getting sick. We were both on a ladder.

Was going to go next for a parenting presentation right after Angel, but the dream jumped to something like Cancun, Mexico. I was sort of an advertisement for it. But then it showed things gone wrong. One person flew into electrical lines and was electrified, and two sisters had cables through their bodies.

Donuts - red one that was banana filled.

Camping - nothing wierd really happend.

Cleaning out stuff out of the intake manifold with a shop vac.

With a little girl - digging in sand, and throwing rocks in the direction of Jon.

Playing video games with Jon.

Angel and I were in my bed making out naked, but amber felt lonely outside in the hall, so Angel said that we can't have sex.

At a party, dating Britney Spears.

Dreamed I was a black guy who got an Associates Arts degree. Tried to swing with a rope over garage door at work.

Brian (neighbor) found large police flairs and lit them. There was a big explosion. I left in my car without them. Car had tons of power.

Naomi and friends ask at playground to the right "Are you hard?" I respond at the door, "yeah." They come running at me naked, and they're all over me on the bed (bed had special sheets).

Later, Naomi and I play video games with each other. Naomi has a gorgeous body, but I forgot what the rest of her looks like - maybe Tara Reid?

Explaining to Jaime while drawing it on concrete, how the layout of the building was that Jon tried to jump off of the stairway but didn't. It was similar to Brotman?

At beach and we were throwing sand balls at the people that were going into the ocean. After they were all in (like zombies). Angel and I tried to find Jean to throw a sand ball at her. But first before we found her, I had to go get logger from the Am Pm over on Springdale. But I couldn't cause I was only 20, but he said he couldn't hold the alcohol, but e could hold the smirnoff ice.

Sara and I are goofing around outside work. Karen (boss) shows up. First person we saw in about 2 hours because it was such a slow day. She finds us outside, but doesn't get mad, but see that we missed three phone calls. She then talks to Sara, and then to me that we are getting a demotion and have to work to get money back.

Merchdirect was all out of my mediums.

Went to a cruise to Mexico again. On our way back, Denise needed her glasses before we left. A man stole silver (glass square) from us, so we tried to find him. Went to a house of this kid who was selling Gameboy games from under his bed. Had an empty coffin in his closet.

Karen will buy me a new bag of Doritos because we are all going somewhere.

Lucid
Dreamed that I peed my pants. Said 'hey, I'm dreaming!' Instantly went into a False awakening, and kindof was in an in between state, then fell back into the dream.

Supermarket buying alcohol.

Making movie with Hally Berry - she was a hot blonde

Running in the middle of the street with Ray Romano

Asking Ashton Kutcher how short Seth Green is. Rolling on polls. Fighting Something.

The Osbornes.

Racing with F1 car.