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I'm back in the place that I sometimes go to in my dream with the distant beach at the edge of the world. This time I'm not exactly at that spot I'm in the area, running on top of the water telling someone that this is the place I sometimes go to in my dreams. As I'm running I see Abdul I try to spray him with a water gun but he ignores me and keeps going. His with a girl so I leave him and keep going. My family is here somewhere to trying to check into a hotel.

Had this dream around the age of 5 or 6 I'm guessing, no later than seven.

I walk up steps to my family's double wide trailer (we actually lived in a 3 bedroom house. Friggin dreams), open up the screen door only because the main door was swung wide already, and Satan is sitting in the middle of the sofa next to my mom on his right while my father was in his chair. This Satan looked like a red man with horns and long talons on his fingertips, the typical Looney Toons version. Some other people were over for an apparent bible study session that I had just walked into the middle of, my mother the current one with said book in hands. All the other seats are taken, Satan makes a motion to sit next to him, my mom waits for me to sit down. As soon as I take my seat two things happen: 1. my mother continues with whatever passage she was reading before I walked in and 2. Satan began digging his index talon into the middle of my back, twisting it, turning it and making circles. I feel it like a nail, not sharp enough to break skin, just enough to push into the nerves. For an idea of the pain just take your thumb and dig as hard as you can into your back, using the rest of your hand for support, nail first. My immediate reaction is pushing my belly forward, trying to escape whatever was causing the pain. Doesn't work. I squirm, twist, writhe, the pain is there, constant, inescapable. This goes on while everyone else is completely oblivious to the situation, entranced as they were with the story my mom was reading.

S'bout all I can remember.

New Friends
There isn't much that I remember about this dream. All I remember is that I was in a cafeteria talking with some people and becoming friends with some of the dream characters. Though, I have no idea what we were talking about in the first place. The scene changed and I found myself with my new "friends" in math class looking over a test and being grouped up together. Everything else after that is a little foggy.

Conclusion
It may just be a little speed bump, but nonetheless I feel confident that tonight will be different. A single remembered fragment is better than no recollection at all. So tonight I think I'll try concentrating a bit more on dream recall in general versus actually lucid dreaming.

My dreams will be as detailed as I can remember them but sometimes all I'll remember are just the broad strokes. Also lots of run-on sentences and poor grammar, but decent spelling.

December 8, 2011, dream 1

Spoiler for This is all fairly sexually explicit:

I was having a relationship with transsexual porn star Bailey Jay, she was at the stage before her implants where her breasts started to develop, like maybe she had an AAcup. We would talk some, I wouldn't quite understand her reactions to things I would say, it didn't seem to follow logically. Like I'd be nice and she would react with fear, then I'd have anal sex with her after going down on her. Next time I see her I ask her why she was acting the way she was and she would sort of try and appease me, like act super submissive (not in the sub/dom way) and agree with whatever I said, then as if she was trying to calm me down, even tho I wasn't angry, she'd start in with the making out and more sex would ensue. At a certain point she brought over her 10 to 12 year old sister (does BJ have a sister?) and without a word Sis started undressing semi sexually but also matter of fact like. She then climbed on top of me while I was sitting in a chair and I started feeling my hands all over her and she reacted like she wanted more, my mouth played over her nipples, belly, butt cheeks and vagina (you'll have to forgive me this next indulgence) as I savoured the many tastes and flavors that comprised her (really enjoyed that part of the dream). She turned around on me, legs drooped over mine, and vaginal insertion began the main course. My arms were around her, holding and massaging a shoulder and an inner thigh, pressing our bodies together as I helped her ride up and down, kissing and very gently sucking and biting her shoulder. Not sure where BJ was in all this, but we were thru at some point, no real climax, just a movie type end scene transition I guess. This 3 way relationship continued just a tad until somehow or another, and I really don't remember how I found out, I came to the realization that this whole "relationship" I'd had with BJ and then later on to a slight extent her sister had been non-consensual the whole time. I had created this relationship idea in my head while in the dream's reality I actually kidnapped them both and was raping them while keeping them in a large closet. I think my reaction to this revelation was something like, "Huh, well that's kinda fucked up."

Dream Log 2 (3 in original journal)
1/13/11 11:30 P.M.
1/14/11 6:00 A.M.

Note: Melatonin 2 mg

Much happened within the dream from what I recall. I was on some sort of mound and it was a dark place. There I found myself jumping to and fro but for what reason I am unsure. Then there was the hotel with my family. I remember seeing Ashley, Mom and Dad. I went into a room where Mom had a huge assortment of food. The food was arranged like what one would see at a small grocery store (bodega) also reminiscent of a bookstore. I remember there being a "cigar candy". Then I came to a room that resembles something like a waiting room combined with a classroom. There were people there, teenagers talking and looking at a TV. Unfortunately I forgot what they were talking about. What I do remember is that I tried to power up like a "super-saiyan" but nothing happened. Before the room there was some sort of gate and a boy I ran to was talking about Halloween. Other than that there's nothing else I could remember. It's a shame because alot I felt happened in that dream. Also there was little to no emotion felt in the dream with maybe the hotel as an exception. Nowhere in the dream did I think I was dreaming.

1/11/11

Note: Grammatical errors are abundant. This was slightly edited from the original text.

I remember very little from my own dream although some things stood out. Upon my dreaming I noticed I was in a school hallway. I saw Leland and he was partially bald, not very responsive to my calls (not phone calls) but when he did I saw some hair on his head with white hair. He said something about the nursing program and left. The hallway itself was very "school like", almost like a public school. The establishment was well-lit and quite plain in feeling. Then I entered alarge room, that looked like something similiar to a banquet. Nursing students were there yet unrecognizable to who they were, if that makes any sense [I'm trying to illustrate their familiair yet strange presence]. I indeed had the power to "float" or rather, to levitate off the ground at will. Unfortunately I never realized I was actually dreaming. The "banquet" as I recall had relatively long tables almost like Hogwarts. There were people around although I did not bother to talk to them. One person, possibly a girl, was bewildered at my ability to levitate off the ground. Other than that I cannot remember anything else from my dream, however I am sure much more went on. Also, the reason why the log here isn't very detailed is because I want my descriptions to be as accurate as possible. I would rather not have my memory fill in the blanks on something that didn't happen during the dream. So I write down what I remember best.

I was playing Star Wars: The Old Republic(which is a MMO that is coming out on December 20th, so obviously I have never played it >.>). The dream switched between me being in the game as a character and just being me. My best friend A, his sister, and his mom were there too. Also, there was a girl hanging out with me(I mean in the game, I don't know if it was supposed to be a real person or just a character), but I don't remember much about her other then she was shy, and her character looked like a elf with pale skin, blue eyes, and blueish hair. Also, I remember being in a battle royale and later on watching a jedi with two blue lightsabers fight and kill a soldier who had armor like Commander Cody's(same color too) from star wars, only buffer. The planet was pretty, and it looked like it was fall season, with a lot of relaxing places(everywhere I went seemed like a relaxing park). And there was a lot of trees and grass, all yellow for fall. It kind of reminded me of Dantooine.

This dream took place a few years ago.

I was in New York, in the bronx I think. The buildings were tall but older, there was graffiti and garbage cans all over the place. It was dark and i was walking along, when I bumped into my brother. I hadn't seen him in quite some time so I gave him a big hug and asked how he was doing.

"Well I'm going to this party" he said. "Wanna come with?"

"Sure, why not."

As we were walking down this road we saw a big light come down from the sky and land in an alley way nearby. Me and my brother both looked at eachother and there was a silent agreement to go check this thing out. Just as i was about to take the first step towards the alleyway I was stopped by a cop.

"You shouldn't go in there" he said.

"Why not?"

"It's dangerous, you don't know what's in there!"

"I think I can make my own decisions," I said. I could see the look in his eyes. He was terrified, and he was trying to keep me away from the thing due to his own fear.

"Well, I'm going to go see that thing, why don't you come with us? I'm going whether you like it or not." I pushed past him and started running for the alley way. The cop didn't say much more but soon after decided to run after us.

I got to the alley that we had seen the UFO land in. It was a small vessel, with a matte grey finish to it. It looked like it was made out of polished rock, or more like a dull metal, as opposed to being a very shiney metal. I walked within 20 feet of it. My brother stopped and grabbed my arm.

"I don't think you should go any further, man" He had a look of concern on his face. Not terrified like the cop, who was now behind us with his gun drawn, but I could tell he was worried about me getting close to the UFO.

"I know man, I know. I think I'll be OK though. Something inside me is telling me it's alright.. I can feel it." Knowing there was no stopping me on what I wanted to do, my brother took his hand off me. I continued to walk closer to the craft.

"Don't do it!" the cop yelled out from behind a dumpster some ways back down the alley. I heard him speak but his words turned into a twisted form of incomprehensible sound. When I got to the UFO I put my hands on it. My intentions were to find a way in, or feel around it for some kind of button I could push to open the door. There were no buttons. The craft felt warm and smooth. Suddenly I felt a small depression under both my hands. An area lit up around each hand, and the shell of the craft depressed under the pressure of my hands.

A door opened up, letting out a bright, white light. It didn't hurt my eyes to look inside though. So I looked back at my brother, and then at the cop, who was still huddled behind the dumpster with his gun drawn. I looked back at my brother again.. and gave him the look that this would be my last goodbye. I didn't say anything though. Then I looked forward and stepped inside. The door closed behind me, and I was inside what one would consider a small house, or at least it seemed that way. It was totally lit up from every direction. There were no shadows inside this thing. It was very bright, all lit up in this white light. There was a main entranceway where I had stepped, a door in front of me across the room, and a staircase up each side of the wall sweeping back around the inside of the craft and meeting up directly above me where I had just came in from.

I decided to check out the upper level, so I started up the stairs. There were 2 more rooms up there, but I decided not to go in them. I heard, or felt, a voice coming from the one door downstairs that I hadn't checked out yet. Something told me this was the cockpit of the ship, and I started back down the stairs to check it out. I got to the door, opened it, and went through. I didn't really see what i was getting myself into until the door closed behind me.

I looked at my surroundings. What I saw, and felt, shook my entire reality for months after I had this dream. I had an epiphany, inside of a dream, that was so powerful, and experience I can *never* forget. Not in my entire lifetime. I looked around inside this.. "room". There were no walls. It was as if I was standing back outside the alleyway. The walls were totally invisible. There were sparkles all over the place, or little lights, or one could say what looks like stars in the night sky. The best description I can give of it would be like, being in the centre of the explosion of a firework when it goes off, the ones that explode out really big in a sphere with all the little bits that fly out. Being in the centre of that.

So I was pretty caught up in looking out at this.. room.. that had no walls.. when I realized i was being lifted up in to the centre of this room. I was weightless, and the ship had placed me at the center of itself. I wasn't sure what was going on until the ship spoke to me.

"Hello dave," the ship said. It spoke to me telepathically.

"Hello?" I replied, but in my thoughts. It wasn't even like a conversation one would have with words. It all happened so instantly. The second I even had the thought of hello the ship was already responding.

"Where would you like to go?" it asked me. The funny thing about the ship talking to me was, it wasn't like it was a separate entity. It was like, my own mind, was sending out the thought, and as light reflects off a mirror, so my own thoughts were reflecting off the inner shell of the ship, back into my own mind again. it's like the ship had become a part of me, like an extension of my body. There was nothing separating me and this entity. The ship was alive, just as alive as I was. The feeling of having two separate, fully functioning consciousnesses working in conjunction with eachother, is something I had never felt before.

I felt at one, at peace. I felt a feeling of warmth and love, as a child would feel from their mother, still in the womb, just days before that child is born. A complete and total connection. No barriers, no walls. No hidden agenda's or any secrets of any kind. Just perfect, perfect harmony, and the intense feeling of being connected to the entire universe. I felt like all I had to do was think it, and I would be there, me and this ship, or rather, me and this extension of myself. I felt like I had all knowledge available to me. There was nothing I couldn't know, or anywhere I couldnt' be.

I remembered that the ship had asked me a question. I didn't answer with words. My thoughts turned to seeing the city from above. Suddenly the ship started floating upwards, with me still in the centre of it. I could see straight down, at my brother, at the alleyway and the cop standing there looking up at me. We started moving forward. There was a constant download/upload of thoughts and feelings between me and the ship. It's like the ship wasn't a ship at all, more like an entity, a living breathing consciousness, and I was a part of it. We started moving forward. I could see the empire state building in the distance, and further behind it the statue of liberty. I looked up at the sky above us. Even tho there were star-like lights inside the ship, I could recognize the stars that were in the sky as being stars. We continued to move forward across the city.

I was walking down this path, with my short little gnome friend with me. We were in a world where there were no cars or technology or anything like that. Everything was natural, we had our minds open to natural ability and so on. I was wearing a simple cloth outfit, nothing fancy, more like a robe, or something Link would wear from legend of zelda. I had a staff in my hand that I was using to walk with. I remember looking to either side of the path marvelling at how busy forest was, with sprites flying about all over the place, plants growing everywhere with sparkles and naturally glowing things on them. The trees were twisted and gnarled in their trunks but green and luscious in the leaves. I spent a lot of time in this dream just taking in my surroundings.

So I continued on down this pathway with my little gnome friend when we met up with 2 people coming towards us. they were also mystical creatures, I believe one was a gnome, and another was something similar to a gnome, but taller and skinnier. But still a lot shorter than me. They stopped and we stopped, and they looked at my staff.

"Woahh.. is that the.." the taller one asked

"Yes, yes it is," i replied "Would you like to see me use it?"

"oh yes oh yes!" the 3 of them all jumped up and down at once, clapping and dancing around me. so, holding the main part of the staff with my right hand, and grasping the end of the staff with my left hand, i pointed the staff at the taller gnome, or elf, or whatever it was (I think it was a girl, actually). Suddenly these strands popped out of the staff. There were hundreds, if not thousands of these little strands, and it wasn't so much the strands themselves but the ends of the strands that were of concern here. Each strand at the end had a little ball of light emitting a very bright coloured light. The colours changed as well.

"Watch this," I said, as I commanded the strands to make shapes. One shape was a butterfly, another was like a firework when it goes off. I made all kinds of shapes and images of things but the last image I saved for the end. It was a rose, the most complex looking rose I could ever ask for. It was a large image, made of thousands of points of light, coming from these strands. All the images before were also made from the points of light but weren't as complex. To further explain what the images looked like, it was like a 3D lightbright. I don't know how many of you remember those, but with thousands of little points of light.

"here you are" i said to the (girl?).

"Wowww that's amazing!" she said. I was happy she was impressed. I had made her day showing her the images and the rose. Me and my little gnome friend parted ways from the other 2, and we continued on our way.

Oh god. Last night I was so tired. I was finishing my english final so I didn't get to sleep until ten. Sadly I was so exhausted I didn't even remember falling asleep. I woke up at 2 am, like usual, and stayed awake (the exception being about ten minutes of dozing I'd get here and there).
Seeing as I don't remember my dreams lately, I'm guessing it's stress. I'm about to take a nap - my naps usually result in either SP or deep dreams. Expect another entry for after my nap~

Another quick summary.

It was Anthony's birthday. He has had so many birthdays in my dreams that he'd be in his early thirties by now. Anyway, for some reason, my mom bought me gifts even though it was Anthony's birthday. I think Vinny came up to me at Anthony's party, where a bunch of people from my school were, and he told me about that my gift cost a lot. Other people didn't want him there because he wasn't invited, but I told them, "It's alright, he just needs to tell me something." I got two teddy bears that I wanted because they reminded me my childhood. Vinny told me that they cost around $200 each (I think it was actually $186 or something). I went to my mom and told her that she was crazy to spend that much on a teddy bear. I felt really bad because I felt responsible for making her spend so much money. I explained to her that they only made me nostalgic, and I didn't really need them. I also felt bad because she spent around $400 on something that would just sit around. Anyway, back at the party, Anthony's mom had to show me my room. Apparently I was staying there for a while.

I was at my house, which was a combination of my old house, and a dream house I've never seen before. It was VERY haunted. I didn't want to go anywhere in this house alone because I was afraid. There were a lot of stairs in this house, as if the house would be 5 or 6 stories tall, with most of them being underground. I started out in the 3rd story or something, and I was running through the house, trying to get to the living room where everyone was. I finally made it to my kitchen, where I could see the key hook with my keys on them. This part of the house was haunted too, but a little less. I ran through the kitchen, to another set of stairs and ran up them to find a small room where Ashley and Matt were sitting on the couch, and my Grandmom was on the internet. My mom was outside of the room, and I told her I needed to go to Anthony's. She said I should take my key, but I asked her if I could just go without it, because I didn't want to go back through the haunted house. I was also without my shoes, and I didn't know where they were, and I wasn't about to go looking for them. I was getting frustrated because my mom wouldn't give in, and every second I was in the house felt life threatening because of the haunting. I took out my phone (which was an i-phone) and attempted to make a text message. I couldn't make a sentence, or a complete word for that matter. Upon waking, I realised that this was because full, written sentence and dreams don't mix, but while in the dream, I attributed this to the ghost. I was getting frustrated because I just wanted to leave. Suddenly I was in a different part of the house, and I felt a sense of dread (sleep paralysis) and I thought to myself, "This is the same way I feel in dreams." I hate my brain.

Just a quick summary this time.

First, Anthony turned into a hipster, and his mom had another baby. I had to feed the baby. So I went to the bathroom to get food. There was a little gnome in the bathroom, and, being an asshole gnome, decided to pee on me. I stood there for a little bit confused, then I decided to kick the shit out of this gnome. He was about the size of my foot, so it was very satisfying.

Then I was in this waiting room for something. When it was finally my turn to go to wherever I was waiting for, this guy came up to me and led me through the building's hallways. He looked like Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel (I don't even like that band). Anyway, he leads me on this grand adventure. Before I know it, I'm with three other people (one boy, two girls) and we are on this journey to somewhere. The whole thing had a very magical vibe to it, like I was inside a story book or a children's movie. Eventually we were all standing at this man-made cliff, and down below I could see a melancholy view of the ocean, where the wild wind blew the water away from the rocks to reveal fish flopping below them, and dead birds (huh?) spread about. One of the girls had transformed into an alligator with two propellers on its back. We all had umbrellas. Mine was really short, so I had to use a pole extension. Our umbrellas were inside out, and the plan was that we were going to use them to fly to our next destination. I asked, "Fly? Like in a movie?" The guy turned to me and said, "Like in-" I don't remember what he said. We all flipped our umbrellas so that they weren't inside out anymore. Now there was only me, the guy, and two other people. We were suddenly on this grassy path in an urban city, like in London or something. There was a metal fence to our left. To fly, we had to use the umbrella as if it was a wing, and we had to flap. It wasn't working so well, and we couldn't get the hang of it. Now, I had two umbrellas, and I had to flipped them around to fly. I started to get off the ground, and I was floating above the fence, but slowly. There was a storage/mail truck about 100 feet away, and it was DE that we needed to make it to this truck and stow away to our next destination. Everyone else got to the truck before me. I finally got there just in time. In the truck, there were a bunch of foam packages that a machine pushed into the truck and then packed them against the wall. I got in just in time before one went through, and it shoved me against the wall, where I was hidden behind the package. I woke up here. The machine and truck were making this weird noise like a turkey mixed with a squeaky hydraulic.

I only remember a small part of this dream. I was seeing from the view of a girl who had fallen down a hole. There was a man who had fallen down there a long time before her and had never been found, he looked like a super villian. He used her for his pleasure, against her will. Robin, batman's sidekick, Began to investigate the hole and saw the two. He decided to save the girl and leave the villian in the hole to die. He planned on pulling a string with his finger when he got down to pull the girl up. It didn't work but she still got out because of help from other super heroes. I'm sure those other heroes cut the special string though. :P

08:04 12/8/2011
Last night i dreamed i was back on the cruise ship that i was on over fall break. I was up on one of the top decks, and i remember the way i was feeling the last night of the cruise, which is how i felt in this dream, i felt alone, lost, abandoned. I was really missing Micah. The next thing i remember is that i had walked down some, very little room to walk down, steps and i was in a lobby of sorts. I remember asking that lady where this cruise ship was going, and she never answered. It was spring break and my mom had planned for this us to come (in waking life). Then i was going to go use my moms phone before we got out of U.S. waters so i could call Micah, then from this door across from the waiting desk/lobby desk thing, a girl came out, saying she was done with it now, i assumed the phone, but i didnt know her, so i was a bit confused. This whole time, there were girls walking around, they were all cute, but even in the dream i knew that i shouldnt look at them, or think any bad thoughts about them, and i didn't even do it in the first place. But that all i remember, because my mom woke me up.... D:<

The dream started with a zombie Apocalypse...

It's non lucid, But it was so vivid, That I was scared of the zombies as a result. Didn't wake up in the dream sadly.

I remember being in my apartment block were I live. Some how we knew zombies had too-ken over the world.

Then I remember the apartment block only had stairs and it was communist style yet it was still in the UK. So it was rather strange since the stairs were smooth cement.

I went to the top floor with Mila Kunis and went in one of the apartments.. There was a elderly woman zombie, We ran out as fast as we could and locked the door behind us. And ran down there stairs to the bottom floor were we went back into my apartment. Mila Kunis was a soilder. And our plan was to get to the airport, eventually get a plane and go and land on a deserted pacific island, Safe from viruses.. Later on you will find out how this was not the case.

Mila Kunis


Dream scape changed and we were at the airport, it's dark now, The sun has gone down, We're About to get on a military plane. We were with survivors this time. Mila says something to me about something or I think zombies are in the lobby of the airport. (The area you sit before boarding a plane) we went through loads of double doors with small windows in them. Like this


Then it was like a hospital was part of the airport. Then I didn't exist for this part, It was like I was watching what was happening but I was no my body any longer. I seen some black people turn into zombies then I remember Mila running back from were we came from and we eventually got ouside and tried to get on the military plane to get to a pacific island.

I remember A group of people including myself got on this plane, But it was small a rather small plane.. Mila entered the back of the plane, but the plane would not take off. The plane was too heavy! Only a few stone heavy. We were all debating who should give themselves up. We had to decide very quickly. No one wanted to do it, I knew I wouldn't give up my space.

The zombies had broken out the emergency doors onto the runway and they were running for us.

Mila, in her army solider clothes, Like a brave solider she was in this dream, gave up her seat, We sped the plane up and started to fly...

We could all see Mila taking on the zombies and fighting them.. The zombies had glowing yellow/orange eyes. They all jumped onto her and she could not be seen. I believe she died. Then I think the plane started to crash.. I'm not sure because either everything went dark and I woke up and fell back a sleep again.

R.I.P Dream Mila Kunis







Thoughts on why I had this dream.

Mila Kunis - Well, I have Russian ancestry, And my features closley resemble Mila Kunis but in a male form, If that makes any sense? And I was reading about Russia in the news and wondering what would have happened if my family never came to Britain 100 years ago. Plus, Mila Kunis is rather hot too.

Zombies - Zombies are rather common things, Plus my brain properly wants me to bring up my fear of it so I don't have to be scared.

Communist style apartment - Well, As I was saying, Russia in the news, Communism associated with Russia...

Airport - I am guessing since it's zombie, My favourite map in the "Left 4 Dead" game is the airport level. So I guess that's why.

Pacific Islands - Well, I always tell myself, If a zombie attack happened in real life I would go to a pacific island to get away from it all.

Final thoughts and opinion: I believe this was a nightmare, Though it was fun to be chased by zombies and frightening at the same time. I give this dream a 6/10