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tue January 3rd 2012

After a false awakening I opened my eyes and realised I must be dreaming. Attempted to stabilize the dream.

1. Standing in the left corner of our front yard I try to touch things. I touch the house, then touch the cherry tree.
(it's chopped down now, but I didn't realise that in the dream. Maybe I lost lucidity at this point already)
The tree started to grow and as if I was glued to it, it dragged me up into the sky.

There was a fraction of a second dream, not sure if it was earlier or later at night.
2. I'm with my dad in a mini van when we stop to pick up another man wearing a suit. There are no more seats in the car, my dad gives him a small inflatable cushion to sit on. The man tries to sit on it in the back of the van, I can see he's uncomfortable with his knees up to his face. I offer him my seat and we switch. Then while we're driving I'm laying near the rear door of the car, which is made completely out of tanned glass. I wonder what would happen if the glass would break and I would fall onto the road.

Couple nights ago I had some dreams too, but not worthwhile sharing due to somewhat explicit content

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in a big, empty room. The room had a grey, concrete floor. There was natural light coming in through a window somewhere.

A brown blanket lay in the center of the room, on the floor. The blanket was made up of small squares. For some reason, I was now cutting the lower squares off the blanket. But I was leaving a couple of the central squares in one of the lower rows attached to the upper rows. So now the blanket looked like a square with a bit of a lip at the bottom.

As this was going on, a movie was playing against the back wall. It was black and white. The film was old and scratchy. There were also four or five straight lines that ran vertically, up through the center of the frame.

The movie looked like an Abbott and Costello movie. But Costello was a kind of serious character, and the other guy was a young, kind of bright, but shy guy.

The Costello character was telling the man something like, "I don't think your idea for using the edges of the film-frame and putting sound on them is such a great idea. I don't think people will like it. It's too bothersome."

I now realized that the lines running up the center of the frame were the soundtrack lines that Costello was referring too. I thought that they were bothersome -- if they had to be right in the center of the frame like that!

But then I realized that those were the lines for this film. The film the man had made had the lines on the outside of the frame, where they weren't visible.

I understood that Costello's criticism of the man's use of a soundtrack in his films wasn't valid. But I somehow knew that Costello knew this as well. In fact, I knew, Costello even thought the use of soundtracks in film was a good idea.

But Costello didn't want to let the young man know he thought it was a good idea. He didn't want to support the young man's development. Costello felt that the young man was smart enough as it was, and that the young man would be so successful eventually, that he shouldn't have to support him in his efforts.

I thought that this was a terrible sentiment on Costello's part, and that the young man was probably in dire need of help.

Dream #2

I lay in bed, on my back, in an otherwise almost empty room. It was almost completely dark in the room. The bed was set next to a wall, which was to my right. The bed itself was rather narrow.

I looked out to my left, across the room. On the wall at the head of my bed was a window. It was pretty heavily curtained, but it let in, at the far end, a tiny corner of orange streetlamp light.

I noticed, in the corner of the room that was dimly lit by the streetlamp light, three statues. The statues were all Egyptian busts. They were all set on square pedestals, but they were arranged in a really haphazard way.

I knew somehow -- maybe from some narration in my head? -- that the busts were all supposed to be of the boy Pharaoh Tutankhamen. But all the busts were wearing the ubiquitous headdress of Nefertiti. And one of the busts, the lowest one, facing me most directly, was of a really chubby boy or man!

Dream #3

I was out on a beach. It was a nice, sunny day. There were a decent amount of people out on the beach, but not too many.

For some reason, I suddenly felt like I had to leave. I turned to my right and began heading away.

But as I left the beach, people began giving me troubles. I'm not sure what these troubles were now. But I think people just constantly kept getting in my way, even though there weren't a whole lot of people on the beach.

I may finally have thought I'd counter the problem by flying. I may have started flying a couple meters above the ground.

Now I was moving through an area of the beach with orange sand. Two enormous, black guys now came charging down the beach. It looked like they were just trying to start trouble. They had huge, long dredds and black, Oakley-style sunglasses, with silver rims on the tops.

I may possibly have stopped flying. I may possibly have thought if these guys saw me flying, they'd just pull me down and pummel me. But once these guys passed me, I knew that I had to get out of here once and for all. Soon there wouldn't be anything here but trouble.

I may possibly have gotten onto a bike like the bike I rode in junior high school. Or I may still just have been walking.

I ended up on a concrete path in a park. I took this park to be a park from my high school years IWL. It was kind of like a trail on a small greenbelt running through a suburban residential area. It seemed like the path descended from here and went under a bridge.

Either on foot or on bike, I descended under the bridge. Once I got beyond the bridge, I was in a much more forest-like, tree covered area. The path may now have been dirt, rather than concrete. There was a river on my right side. Trees also seemed to be growing up out of the river.

I suddenly noticed a gigantic bullfrog sitting on the stump of one of the river trees. The bullfrog must have been 60cm tall! It looked pretty intelligent, too. It seemed to register my presence and be a bit worried about whether I wanted to hurt it.

I acted calm and walked forward, trying not to regard the frog at all, so it would feel less worried. But now, up the way only twenty or thirty more meters, I saw another one of these huge frogs!

I decided to get off this trail. I think I was afraid of the frogs. But I also think that I thought that if I kept having to act like I didn't see or care about every frog that worried as I passed it, I'd get bored as hell pretty quick.

But also -- the trail itself may also simply have just ended: being cut off by the merging of a small creek on my left with the river on my right.

I saw that if I jumped across the small creek on my left, I could land on the opposite bank. The bank was steep, but short, dry, and grassy. I could easily climb up it and out of this park altogether.

But as I turned left to face the opposite bank, I noticed another huge frog! This one was also kind of worried about me. I was now in between two huge frogs that were all shifty and nervous. And I was afraid that if I jumped, my motions would be so fast and scary to them that they'd have heart attacks!

I wondered how I could jump without scaring the frogs. The only thing I could think to do was close my eyes and jump. This way, the frogs would see that I wasn't looking at anything at all, and so I couldn't be jumping because I was trying to attack them.

I closed my eyes. But I couldn't remember what the bank looked like. I didn't want to hit something bad. I tried to open my eyes again to get a good memory of the bank. But when I opened them, they were all groggy and grainy. It was really hard for me to focus on anything.

Finally, the frog off to my right said, in something like a female voice, "There's actually a good patch right up around here."

I looked up to the frog. I went to where the frog directed me. I jumped across the little creek and landed on the bank. I started climbing up the bank.

All this time, the frog was still talking to me, in that kind of female voice. She was kind of friendly, like a really smart scientist, or a librarian. But I had the idea that the frogs really weren't comfortable with my presence here.

At the top of the bank, I turned around to look back down at the river. The river wasn't there anymore. I was just facing a red brick building, which seemed to be set a meter or so down into a sandy trench. I was out on a road, it seemed, on the outskirts of a very small town in the desert.

But this didn't even register with me. Down at the base of the building I saw a rectangular slat of an opening in the wall. Two sets of female eyes looked back out at me. I knew these two women were the frogs I had just jumped past on the river.

I felt bad for not having spoken to them. So I did want to say something to them. But I also felt a little shy, like somehow these frogs were of a higher station than I was, and would thus be put off by my acting too familiar with them. So I wanted to keep whatever I said short.

I said, "Yeah, I'm sure I'll come back here. So if I do, I'll talk to you guys again. I used to ride my bike up through this park all the time when I was a kid."

I was chatting with my ex-boyfriend on msn. I could hear Snuff-Slipknot playing in the background.

I told him I really loved him and that I can feel who he is even though my thoughts tell me I'm wrong and judge him.

I teleported next to him. He was sitting in a white plastic chair outside. There were no buildings around us. Just grass and hills. His mom appeared out of nowhere. She asked me if I could help placing chairs on the hills.
I agreed. She also told me they had to face them. The first chair fell back down. I tried again and this time it was stable.
His mom climbed up a hill to get something but she fell on her face. Her nose was broken, maybe even shattered.
I wanted to help but felt powerless and froze. I saw my ex-boyfriend rushing to her.

I appeared in my house. I saw a small folder with Twilight on it. The words were extremely black and easy to read. I actually read a few sentences. The odd thing about it is that nothing changed when I looked at it. The image was really stable. that's very unusual in my dreams.
I saw my brother looking at the tv. It was some kind of show with a girl who shattered her nose. A guy proved it by sticking his finger in her nose and being able to move it around in all directions.
I got irritated because I didn't understand why people enjoy watching something horrible like that.

I ran to the kitchen and immediately returned.
I told my grandma and grampa "if I ever break any bones, I don't want to go to a hospital because they cause ever more damage. I can heal myself"
They were shocked. My grandma said that I don't have a choice when it happens. I responded that I would write a note and keep it with me so if anything would happen, they could see that I didn't want them to 'fix' me.

The scene changed and the dream went to 3rd person perspective. I saw Kirsten Stewart. She dyed her hair blonde and was prom queen.
Her friends were angry because she acted really arrogant. They decided they wanted to teach her a lesson.

My squad is getting ready for battle. Our ship is parked on one side of the river and the enemy has parked on the other side. Directly behind our armies on the small strip of land there is mountain walls. The desert kind. The battles begin we fire our weapons at the enemy ship. They abandon it and flee into the water. The battle is long but we win and bring their ship on our side of the river. There is celebration and the soldiers begin to unwind. I look through the enemy ships desks. They look like college dorm room desks. I open each drawer carefully and pick up objects examining them. At one point i feel everything fading so i rub my hands together and continue , in*one of the drawers I find my own things inside. I decide to close the drawer and open it again imagining something else inside because it cant be *and it works. I feel satisfied that I could do that but I don't become lucid. The team is still in celebration. A lot of them have taken off their gear and all the weapons were scattered unloaded across the small amount of beach by the river. I realize we are really vulnerable and walk of parallel to the mountain wall up and across a bridge where another wall separates us from the rest of the beach. On the other side I see a boat full of enemy soldiers coming in to land. I run back yelling trying to warn my team but unfortunately I already know we won't have enough time to prepare and reload all those guns. I search the beach for a weapon and find a half put together shot gun. By the time I find it we are already being shot at and they have the upper ground advantage where a old man is sitting in meditation. He seems to accept his fate as two soldiers approach him. I seem to care for this man, I aim the shotgun with one hand and end them both. Understanding there is not much I can do I jump in the water with as much breath as I can hold and swim silently and rapidly to the other side. As I swim around the rubble and hear the bullets entering the water I wonder if any of them will hit me.. I feel like one does but it is dismissed from my mind. When I get to the other side I hide in the leftover rubble of the enemies base here. It's not much and I know I can still get owned here. A few team mates have made it here as well and I notice one girl sailing away down the river on a small square piece of metal leftover. I tell her to wait and jump in the water. I push the metal and it seems to make us both to faster. Someone grabs on to my foot and I realize he might want to drown me so I start to try and drown him first. All of the sudden used curls in the water a few meters away. As we fight I ask curls to help me and he does but we don't fully end the guy he says he didnt want to me me. I tell curls that if this was the other way arou d he would have ended me. Nonetheless I have a small conversation with curly and continue with the girl but once again ther is that faget trying to drown me. I think to myself I should have ended him or his just messing around and he won't fully end me. As I gulp for air I'm teleported

I'm standing in the middle of a village there is a bench in the middle. The street is very small and there is a lot of snow. It's light outside. Someone comes out of a nearby door and I enter. I go upstairs and one of the doors is barely open. I enter. There is only one long room. Two couches around a coffe table. A woman is sitting on the couch. It seems we are electing someone. Someone knock at the door. I cautiously open it and it's a grandma she is holding a sharp green pencil that looks like its been taped in the middle with a bit of grey tape. She seems dangerous to me I take the pencil from her hand and point it at her. I tell her to enter. She is continuously smiling. She walks over to the couch sits and begins making a bowl of some kind of hallucinogenic. With a move of her fingers she closes the curtains. Now I understand she is super thick and I put the pencil down next to her. She looks at me and I say "it's not like I could end you with a pencil anyway". She continues making the drink. When she is done I sit down and she splits it for me and the woman. We drink it. I eagerly eat it all wondering what this will show me. I feel like its vey important what I will see. After a few moments everything turns dark and the walls disappear revealing a modern city. A voice starts talking about something related to how the hues Are. I don't remember anyof it but I remember it making a lot of sense to me and being very important. It was quiete lengthy to. Eventually the voice stopped and as the room was coming back together the dreeam ended.*

Last night I had a long dream. Overall, the dream maintained some consistency despite the "plot" changing. All of it took place within one city and at night.

Vacation and Store
I was traveling to some city at night for some vacation time and nobody else accompanied me on my trip. I remember passing by a waterfall and some sort of futuristic bridge that looked all shiny and pretty looking. Everything blurs, but I do remember arriving, then leaving the hotel to go explore the city. The setting of the dream seemed to have been in the future because of the design of the buildings and roads with the combination of neon lighting. I then wandered into the lesser part of the city that had our modern day design. I went to some shopping plaza that had old block buildings that just looked like they were out of shape. I went into some random store to see if there was anything in there, but I tripped a security alarm. The store had other people in it, including the manager, and the staff then quickly tried to disable the security alarm so that it wouldn't bother people. After they disabled it, the dream took more of a sci-fi plot to it, as a woman came screaming in saying there were UFOs in the sky. Everyone then rushed out to investigate including me, and saw a bunch of green and blue lights zipping across the sky. I then went with a couple dream characters to go follow the lights, but as we were chasing them, I remember the dream became unstable.

Off to find Peanut Brittle
After we got to a certain area, the dream became less of finding the UFOs and more about finding a store that sells peanut brittle. The dream characters stayed the same, and it was still nighttime out, just the overall feel of it was different. We went down a road to find drive-thru that sells the stuff and came across a normal looking fast-food joint. After one of the dream characters ordered, we pulled up only to find that they had run out and the machine that made peanut brittle broke down. I remember the lady was shrugging and had a sad look on her face. It was then agreed upon that we would go to the nearby mall to go get some.

The Mall
I don't remember what the mall itself looked like from the outside, but I remember the inside vividly. As my group went into a very small lobby like room with dark carpeting and three elevators, we pressed the button to call the elevator and waited. I remember there was an emergency stairway in case of a fire. The elevator that we called had bronze plated walls and red carpet on the floor. We pushed for a floor and waited as others got onto the elevator too. Though, the dream character who wanted to peanut brittle in the first place was a prestigious man and as the elevator was going up, we heard people talking about making sure he was happy on the intercom. As we got to whatever floor that was pressed, I remember coming out to a futuristic mall that had very bright whites and reds with some blues thrown in there. As I approached the railing and looked down, I saw many floors that were connected by large, open stairs that only had a few steps in them. I was told that we should split up to try and find it faster and I had some sort of memory where I had encountered this mall before. I had a few flashbacks to some previous dream that I had that took place in a mall. After that realization, I woke up.

Conclusion
I think my recall was better last night than any night before. WILDs and WBTBs haven't been doing much, so maybe I should try an incubated dream to see how far that may get me.

1/3/12

DILD

I remember being lucid and the dream was not vivid. I was staring at a candle on top of a mantle and focused on it to stabilize the dream. It was around 8 inches tall and white. It was not a standard candle. it had very cool grooves along it. The mantle was made of wood. After a few seconds, I feel that the dream is vivid enough for me to move and stay in it.

I turn and round a corner. There is a painting at head-height that is about 4 ft tall by 6 ft long. I forgot what it originally depicted but I wanted it to be of an under water image. It began to slowly morph into that. I could see colorful fish moving around the frame. I walk up to it and just start breast stroking and I swam right into the painting. I was able to breathe underwater and I was looking around at the fish. After around 15 seconds I lost the dream.

I am somewhere outside, I think I am cycling. I need to go to the toilet. Suddenly I see Charman's boys cycling outside. I start chatting with them and ask them if I can use their toilet. They sure agree and take me to their house. The toilet has kind of glass door, but one cannot see through completely... milky glass. I do what I do... but I cannot wipe my ass properly... hahahahaha.... I'm taking more and more paper... its taking loads of time. Then Henry comes to the door and tries to look through... calling on me.. why am I taking so long. Its really taking ages... so I decide to finish it at home. LOL

When i get home, I look for the toilet in "besidka" then I realise that its not there. I go to the place where the toilet is normally and finish the job! hahaha what a dram.

I find myself in a corridor of some building. There is some friend with me there. I notice girl lying on the floor. She is kind of busty, with dark hair. She has tight black jogging trousers. I have a feeling that we were supposed to have sex together. But kind of don't want to do it here. So I suggest to my friend that we take her to the lift and go to the top floor and do it there. Then some other guy with big belly appears. He wants to join. I start thinking how to get rid of him. There are two big goods lifts behind me. We put the girl in to one and jump in too... and go to the top floor. There is something going on with white trainers of that fat guy... I have them in my head and then throw them somewhere, I guess it has something to do with the plan to get rid of him. In the lift I realise that we sent the girl up in the other lift. When we get up there, she is not in the lift any more. But I know she went home. So I decided to go and visit here later.
She lives in a large block of flats area. It looks kind of industrial and still being built. No greenery and loads of dust everywhere.. I am getting in the building and finally I find her in her flat. She welcomes me. She is beautiful.

(Note: If you don't snowboard or ski, you may get confused with the wording)

I was snowboarding at Whiteface Mtn. (Which i had just been to over this weekend) And was riding through their park. I was just going around things, not hitting any jumps or rails, and just looked around at the people. I noticed someone standing right at the end of a box talking to what looked like a friend of his, completely oblivious to what was going on around them. Right as I was about to pass them I saw a skier hit the box. He rode through it and nearly hit the two people at the end. He must've ridden over one of their skis because the two people got very angry and stormed after him. They sped away faster than i was going and I didn't feel like following them.

I continued to ride through just avoiding most of the features when I noticed a ride on rainbow box connected to some sort of dragon box, all wavy and totalled to what looked like a good 40 feet. I stopped a few dozen feet above it and waited for the people before me to go before I went. Most just rode on and off, doing 50-50s and most slipped off to the side. The person before me to go, another boarder, did a (sorry for the "boardspeak")front board on to 5-0, back 5 off. I didn't know how to follow that up so I sat there waiting for something to pop into my head. I finally came up with something and dropped in.

I rode up towards the box on the left side and hopped up onto it doing a front board, just the person before me. But I continued through with it and did a 270 off. I rode down to the bottom like nothing happened, trying to be cool and what not, when I noticed something strange: I can't do any of that. I didn't really think much of it and got on the chairlift after waiting for only like 20 seconds. While on the lift the fact that i did that kept popping into my head. I finally figured, the heck with it, and did a quick nose-plug RC. I took off my gloves and pinched my nose. I tried to breath in and, for some reason, it didn't work. Just to be extra sure i checked my hands too. The left one was fine but the right one had an extra finger between my ring finger and pinky. I found this extremely strange and did another nose-pinch but questioned everything much more. This time, it worked! I could breath in through my nose, and there was an extra finger on my hand. This had to be a dream.

Not wanting to get too excited (like I did a few nights ago) I took a couple deep breaths and took in my surroundings. The sun was out and it felt warm on the back of my neck. The snow was melting a little bit and there was a stream running down the middle of the mountain. It seemed very loud and was quite vivid for a dream. I could also smell the wet grass beneath the snow as my dad made a face next to me since he doesn't like that smell. The dream seemed unusually vivid, as if it was waking life. Wanting to be completely sure, I asked my dad who was sitting next to me. I turned to him and said, "This is a dream, right?"

To which he replied, "Only if you want it to be." And I did want it to be. I hadn't had a long LD in a while and felt a bit overdue, so I wanted to be a little more cautious with this one. That idea didn't last long. One thing that I always wanted to do was feel immensly powerful through the use of telekenesis and force. So, i snapped my fingers and pictured a huge battlefield with thousands of enemies all coming at me. In a second, I was in a large open field with some tall grass, but there was nobody else, just me. I noticed I was still wearing alll my gear from boarding and was getting very hot.

I stripped down out of my layers to shorts and jeans. Not wanting to have my movement restricted, I took off my jeans to find some athletic shorts beneath. This seemed fitting since I did have gym in school today and nearly forgot my shorts . I stodd in the field for a minute waiting for something to happen. After about 15 seconds I noticed a large breeze coming through. All the grass waved in the wind and it was getting very ominous. Once the wind died down I swore i heard a sound of yelling off in the distance. I payed close attention and noticed that it was getting louder. Not only was there yelling, but there was also a low rumbling too, like a stampeded of elephants. I looked over the horizon only to see a massive sea of movement.

I got ready, and, wanting to fit the "badass" theme, just stood there as chill as I could. I waited some more and after a good minute the crowd was only about 100 yards away. They neared and I was getting mentally prepared, picturing large waves of "force" (i guess that would be the best way to describe it) that resembled a shockwave pushing everything back. Once they were all about 15 yards away, they just stopped, staring at me. I payed no attention to them, and looked down at my hands, focusing. I could tell a few of them were scratching their heads, confused at what I was doing.

After a short while i turned at one of them, and pushed my hand forward, imagining a wave of energy pulsing forward at one of them. It wasn't until now that I noticed they were in all black, thin suits similar to what a ninja would wear, but they didn't have any weapons. Once I pushed my hand forward, I saw a faint distortion in the air (like when the pavement is very hot and oyu can see the heat waves rising up). Through that distortion I saw the one I aimed at and those behind him fly backwards. All the rest of them stared at the hole in their circle they had formed around me, and some looked terrified, while others looked furious.

At this moment, my point of view went into 3rd person from a bird's eye type of view about 15 feet above me. I could see myself and I truly did look like a badass. At this moment, they all charged, but in just enough of a broken up maner that I could get a good flow going. Being only my second or third attempt at 1 vs. a lot, I just pictured what I thought could be a possible fight scenario. Still being in third person, I could still sense all of my senses, just my sight was a bit different. The first enemy that got to me i ducked under and sidestepped under his legs, flipping him into one behind me.

I continued to step sideways, spinning and kicking each who came after me. I had defeated not 10 of them when several dozen all jumped on me at once. I felt very squished beneath them all, and could feel them trying to punch/kick me. Not wanting to loose this easily, i crouched down and took a second to charge another energy wave. This time I forced upwards with all my strength causing a shockwave to radiate from me and blow those on top of me back several hundred feet. I also ended up a goodd 50 feet in the air. Those still on the ground beneath me looked up with a look of fear on their faces. I flipped upside down and dove into the ground head first. I kept my arms at my side and hit the ground with just my head at full force. It cause a decent sized crater (~30 feet in diameter) and blew back another hundred of them.

Unfortunately, there was still thousands of them. I decided that I might as well go all out since I likely won't be getting a chance like this any time soon. I once again jumped straight up into the air, only this time I had nobody on top of me, and I flew much higher. At about 200 feet i stopped and hovered for a second, and got into a crouching position again, much like before. This time, i took a few more seconds and really tightened up, figuring that this would give me a bigger boost in power. I could picture in my head an extremely large force racing away from me at the crowd of enemies.

Before I could even blink, I outstretched my arms and legs as quickly and strong as I could, imagining the wave I had just pictured. When I opened my eyes, I saw nothing left of the army that stood just a moment before. All I saw was the same field that I had been in for the majority of the dream. The crater I had made was still there, but none of the enemies were. I figured I must've gone full blown crazy and obliterated them all.

Not really thinking much of it, I started to think of what else I could do. A sex dream came into my mind, but I had been wanting to stop having those, since it was almost always the first thought that popped into my head during a LD. I continued to focus on something and eventually the TotY popped into my mind. However, I thought of last years tasks. I figured I would save Janet from the movie psycho. Not remembering that it was now 2012, I continued on with my dream, not thinking anyhing of it.

In order to get to the bathroom where the movie took place, I closed my eyes and said to myself, "When I open my eyes I will be in the same bathroom as Janet." When I opened my eyes, however, I found myself lying in my bed, awake. Damn, I had to go to school in less than an hour

March 25 2009
I dreamed Harry Potter teamed up with Obama to fight Godzilla and then we all ate a bunch of potted plants with watery spaghetti (which was gross) and taped friendly spiders to our heads because that's what the popular girls were doing. And everything was exploding and shooting lava everywhere the whole time.

feb 25 '09
There was an unusual amount of gore in this one. I got threatened at gunpoint in frightening detail, with the barrel right up in my face (so that I actually put my shaking hand up and brushed the tip of it, trying to shield myself) by a young woman with rainbow stockings and a shotgun, who proceeded to blow the heads off the other two people in the room: a professionally dressed man and woman. She had to chase the man, so I escaped while she was distracted, but then people started serving dinner while the bodies were being cleaned up, so when someone put a plate of steak and mashed potatoes in front of me, I just kind of pretended I felt sick, out of principle, even though it's always time for steak.

Then I stuck my kitty on my head and we ran around and everything was kind of super for a while. I went to get on the bus and looked for bus money in my wallet (after being at a fair or something where there were some demons and they ripped people apart and haunted a kid or something.) and I had a lot of $3 bills and ****ing coupon-dollars and irregular sized bills and stuff and I was like "is this normal?" to the bus driver and he was like "you're kind of stupid, aren't you?" and I was like "hey, my mom's friend is the one who paid me and I didn't expect her to cheat the **** out of me. Is it so wrong to have that attitude towards a trusted adult?" Then I found two real $1s and got on the bus.

2009
There were a bunch of animals around. I wanted to catch one to eat, but all I could catch was a little muskrat, and it was the smallest and cutest of 3 muskrats. I was a little sad I had to kill the cute one. I held it, thinking about how to kill it, and it clawed and bit at me. I wished it wouldn't, I just wanted to be friends with it, but then I thought that it's actions were pretty justified because even though I had no animosity towards it I was still going to eat it. There was a boy with me. I gave it to him to kill but he didn't know how. I said to snap its neck, but he wasn't able to do it well, so I took it and twisted its head quickly and it went limp. I did it again to make sure, and juices poured out of its head onto my hand. We went together across the field and up some steps to where the other people were. Various family and friends were having some sort of party at night. Me and the boy quickly started a fire, and we hung the little muskrat over it by its tail. The fur burnt off right away, and I watched the embers crackle their way up through it like dry grass. Aunt Carol came over and gave me a wool bag that my grandma had made for me when I was little.

Sunday, Jan.1,2012

I'm shopping in the grocery store on H in NZ. I have a shopping cart thats taller than the other carts. I think it's ours, but I give it to another shopper anyway. Then I'm looking for my dad to ask him about it, but he left from the store and I can't find him. Finally I find him and mom in a pub on the corner.

Monday, Jan.2, 2012

I'm taking a shower in a huge open design apartment. The shower is right by the big glass window. I notice someone on the street looking, while trying to look innocent. So i drop to the floor and continue showering.
- I'm trying to get some kids to pick up the toys
- someone is offering me a taste of salad. he puts some vinegrette on it and I swear, I can taste it and I say I like it.

In this dream I had woken up for school a bit too late. I ran to my bustop. By the time I had gotten there the bus was long gone. And my bus stop wasn't where my real bus stop is. When I woke up I looked at the clock and realized I had WAY overslept.

This is from the beginning of my journal in 2009, and it's colored like this in the word file, so I thought I'd copy that..

I was in a sort of sci-fi place (that looked kind of like a dark, greeny-colored apartment building with a swimming pool outside the sliding glass door) with a group of people. One of them was a girl. She took off her clothes, touched an area above her breasts and then an area on her abdomen and invited me to touch those places too. At the place on her chest there was a strange swollen area. I didn't know what it was. But on her abdomen bellow her stomach and just above her pubic area there was a place where, when I pushed, it popped in a little like there was something hard in there, like an egg. I tried to figure out what to do, and some confusion transpired amongst the group. In that time the girl sat down and when I went to check on her a minute or two later she was dead.

I went back in time a few minutes. A girl came in and took off her clothes, but she was sort of bronze and sexy, which the other girl wasn't. The other one was young and a little odd looking. I remembered she had been the second girl to come in. (Actually there had only been one girl, but as a dream memory, it changed what happened the first time around.) She soon came in and I quickly got her onto an operating table that looked like a dentist chair with big pointy arms over it. The controls looked like a video game controller. THEN MY BOYFRIEND TOUCHED MY FACE AND I WOKE UP AND DIDN'T GET TO SAVE THE GIRL.