All DJ Entries

Dreamed I was in Mexico in an open field playing some kind of ball game with DV dreamers. We were using a melon or gourd instead of a baseball and were wearing capes or serapes. We were learning to "play ball" together. Then we were climbing a nearby mountain (pyramid?) that had an altar at the top. Again, we were wearing serapes.

This is a near-exact copy of the text in my journal

1st Nov

Dream 1
There was a biology test at some school. No one dressed in uniform and we all sneaked into a secret room.

3rd Nov

Failed to recall.

7th Nov

It started off with me playing Team Fortress 2 on a map that looked like a combo of thunder mountain and Mann Manor. I was a blue scout (in third person view). Apparently in setup time, a grim face appeared and disappeared. I was able to project bone fences with flames out of the ground. When the game started, the horseless headless horsemann appeared. Then a red scout whose black clothing was white appeared. He had a cowboy repeater from Fallout: New Vegas and a strange sword. He chased after me with blazing guns. I fired back with a force-a-nature while the rest of the players fought HHH. Suddenly, the red scout stopped. I was then killed by a spy using my loadout, but with the same sword. His tie was white.

Then i was accidentally spamming Julia with phone calls, trying to call Sally.

I don't know, but I felt something involving her happened in one of the dreams.

This is a near-exact copy of the text in my journal

25th Oct

Hope Oney makes it happen again.

You tried...

This was probably related to the last lucid dream. I may used "PILD" to obtain my last LD and expected Oney would make it happen again.

26th Oct

"Get out of my head, I just want to sleep"

I can't tell if this is a dream or if I really was awake. I can't recall why I wrote that.

27th Oct

Lucid Dream

It started on a park that was on a grass plateau. I was by a van on with a bunch of other people doing Team Fortress 2 homework. My book was blank at first. I looked away for a few seconds and suddenly, there was words. So I started doing a reality check. It failed, but I was like "eff this, it's a dream". I rubbed my hands. Then I ran by the side of the plateau and thought of flying. There was a twon surrounding the park. So I jumped off and flew around town for a good few minutes before I flew into the pit.

This entry was incomplete, and for past's reason; sealed off, and "never happened". I'll try to recall.

The pit was composed several lit hollow concrete cubes, joined together in odd sequence. I flew in it looking for Oney, under the assumption it will appear somewhere in there if I believed hard enough. After reaching the end of the pit, I couldn't find it. Without reason that I remember, I flew to a nearby sink within the pit. I remember going blind after that feeling something hold my hands. I know something was said, I know that it was "Oney" (referring to my sub), but I don't remember anything after the feeling.

It feels very odd, remembering this one.

Good morning, everybody.

Dream #1

I was in some kind of volunteer group. We were getting ready to go to some event. I must have been with the leader of the group. We must have been going around, picking people up.

There were two girls with copper-colored skin and reddish hair. They were both pretty. But one was a lot prettier than the other. They both had a kind of spoiled-girl attitude.

Both girls had been planning to come with us on the event. But something about the details of the event had changed. So it seemed like the event may possibly not happen. So the girls decided that they didn't want to come along with us and risk not doing anything.

The volunteer leader and I got to the event. We stood outside some small building, in an area like a parking lot. It was a grey day, probably like a cool summer day.

There were a lot of other girls with us now -- all either brown or copper-skinned. We all wore black shirts. The event was about to start, and we were getting ready for it somehow.

Suddenly the other two girls showed up, after all. They said that they decided they would attend the event. I was really happy to see them. But both the girls had such a removed attitude, I was afraid to let them know too much that I was happy to see them.

Dream #2

A topless young woman in gold, mesh-like panties was sitting on some kind of pedestal, kind of straddling the pedestal, so that her legs were spread pretty wide. The girl was cupping her big breasts with her hands. The girl had tan skin, brown hair, and green-blue eyes.

Dream #3

I was in a shoe store with my mother. For some reason I was laying on the ground, face down, looking at the women as they walked in the shoes they were trying on. Most of the shoes the women were trying on were high heels.

At some point, a girl walked past me wearing track shoes. The shoes had weird soles. They were like plastic, like just a frame. But the sides of the frame were apparently really elastic. They were supposed to provide some kind of extra spring in your step.

I knew that only really serious runners wore these kind of shoes. So I looked up to see what kind of girl this was. She was maybe in her mid- to late-teens. She was really skinny, pale, with long, straight, blonde hair. She wore a kind of baggy, white t-shirt and blue jeans.

I started to ask the girl what kind of running she did. For some reason, the girl sat up in a high seat, like a shoe-shining seat. The woman looked at me as if she were annoyed -- like I was yet another guy trying to hit on her. I was attracted to her. But I was really more interested in hearing about what she ran.

The girl gave me some kind of half-attentive answer, as if she were trying to blow me off, but not be impolite. Somehow we were now outside. Most of the shoe store was gone. But the chair was still there. We were out in some lawny field. It was a grey day, and it was raining.

I had been laying or sitting under some kind of table umbrella, which had been planted into the ground instead of into the center of a tabletop. I stood up. I think I was holding onto the pole. But it also felt like I was standing at the edge of the umbrella.

My mom pulled up in some car, just off to my right. She walked out of the car and stood just outside the umbrella, as if she wanted to say something to me.

The girl had pretty much disregarded me by this time. I thought the rain might be getting her wet. I knew I had an umbrella, and that I could go get it for her. I wondered if the girl wanted it.

I must have been looking down at the ground. It was really hard for me to turn my eyes upward. It felt like I was pulling against gravity. But I finally looked up to see the girl sitting in the chair. She had an umbrella over her chair, and she was dry. So she was fine.

But I still wanted to go grab my umbrella, so I could give it to somebody, just to prove to the girl that I had an umbrella and that I was generous enough to give it to somebody. I ran out into the rain, thinking, I'll probably give the umbrella to my mom. That should impress the girl.

I knew that the umbrella was in my tent. (???) I saw my tent about fifty meters or so away. Beyond the tent there was a little more stuff going on. There were some RVs and things like that. It was like this was some sort of camping event that I was a part of.

I was still running toward the tent. I imagined having given the girl my umbrella. I imagined her asking me how she should return it. I imagined telling her, "Oh, just put it in my tent when you're through with it."

But I knew that I kept my tent locked shut sometimes. So I imagined myself saying, "Oh, just throw it on the ground outside my tent if I'm not there. Nobody'll bother it."

I imagined my umbrella lying on the ground in front of the tent. I was actually worried that somebody would come by and pick it up. But I imagined myself as not showing the girl that I would be worried by something like that.

As I've just started a Dream Journal, I want to log my older dreams/nightmares that have stuck with me for years. Some I can remember full blast, others just fragments. I thought I'd log my old dreams in one post before I start logging my new dreams so I can start looking for patterns and dream signs.

_

I'm walking down a very wide forest path with who was my best friend at the time. The trees either side are very tall but look brown and withered. As we're walking down, there is a red light moving with us beyond the trees. Eventually we come to a small white building that looks like a factory. A tall lady in a long black coat comes out and offers us some red lipstick. My friend takes it and puts it on although I tell her not to, and she dies.

-

This dream was completely in black and white. In this dream I was quite young and in the middle of my grandparents, holding both their hands. We are walking down a path on a residential street, and it is very misty. There is a bus up ahead that we need to catch. We stop to cross the road, but my Grandparents go on ahead and leave me stood there. I can't move my legs to catch up with them, and they get on the bus and it drives away.

-

I'm sat in my living room with my grandparents at night. The sky is pitch black, and I see one single white firework in the sky. The TV comes on on its own, and it's the news. The presenter says that there is an urgent broadcast, and the screen fills with the face of a scruffy balding man with lots of stubble and dark eyes. He says that he is going to kill all the children. There was more to this perhaps including a death-threat letter and a helicopter but I don't remember that clearly.

-

Me and my Nan are walking to my Auntie's house. We get stuck on the side of the road and decide to take a shortcut. The shortcut is blocked by trees, and we ask someone the way and he points us back up the road. I remember waking up from this one and thinking that it had really happened.

-

I fought Voldemort. I remember being in an oddly shaped room with lots of dark dementor-like manequins. I think I won.

-

I was at a party, and a lot of my friends were there. My boyfriend was dancing and didn't seem to notice me. One of my friends comes up to me and says we need to be at a different event. We run together through this building, until we come to a place with very high ceilings and the walls look like they're made of stone. We're allowed in once our names our checked off and we sit either side of an older lady who gives us menus. We have to say what we want then go and serve ourselves, which I thought was strange because it was such a posh place. I asked for the soup and was told there wasn't any, but I went up to the table to try anyway. The table had some machines and some warm silver trays used to keep food warm, with beans and random things in them. I grab a cup and put it under the tap in one of the machines, and pull the lever expecting soup, but it's just hot water. I pour it away. I 'woke up' from this one with a false awakening.

-

I have a recurring dream that I can't quite remember at the moment because I haven't had it for some time, but when it happens I'm about half aware that I'm dreaming. It's like I'm in a complex, almost a shopping centre or building, and something always happens there that scares me in some way.

-

I'm at school and I think I've just come out of class. I'm walking down the empty corridor and there is a boy stood a little further down. (My school was an all girls school though). In my dream, I know this boy is my boyfriend. I smile and start to walk up to him, but a man with a gun runs in and shoots him. I scream and hide behind the lockers and the man runs away. I run up to my 'boyfriend' and hold onto him as he dies. I wake up crying.

-

When I was quite young I used to have a recurring dream that I was flying down the stairs. Items would be flying down with me sometimes. I could also make myself fly short distances, which was usually across my living room. The height would vary and I'd have to try quite hard to keep the height and distance going. As I was quite young and this was lucid, I would think that I'd actually done it.

In the same vein but in a seperate dream, I was in a sort of formula 1 type car, driving up a huge square, 3D kind of ramp, and came out at the top, flying in my car over my junior school hall, waving at my classmates below.

-

I texted a friend asking her if she wanted to do something that day, and she replied very shortly and seemed annoyed at me. When I actually talked to her that day, she told me she'd had a dream the same night that we'd fallen out.

-

I had a really great dream one night that I was in this sort of alternate cartoon type place. Basically, there was a massive sort of termite nest, I could see a big circle of light at the top and the inside walls were the sandy colour of earth. Inside, were lots of different shaped sort of houses or nests, some were completely round with holes in the middle, others had chimneys and they were all different brilliant colours. They were all connected by a web-like rope to get between them all. I made friends with a giant, friendly cartoonish female spider that lived there and she showed me around.

-

One I vaguely remember is having to save either dolphins or seals or something. I don't remember a lot of it, but the part I remember clearly is standing under the wing of a plane with an older lady in a wheelchair and a younger lady who was part of this save-sea-creatures thing.

-

Running away from a man down a path on a street near where I live, but not being able to move fast enough. The man never caught up with me although I could hardly move my arms or legs. I think I had some kind of awareness in this dream as I remember the fear and the strength I was trying to use to move.

I was at nonna's having lunch with my brother. She showed us a book she was writing, a memoir of her life so far. It was a thin book with a lot of pictures, but there was a good ammount of text too. Then I got up and walked to the right. There was a monster there, which was a round orange semicircle with a chimney type thing sticking out of the top. I began to fight it as well as a stone monkey statue that was also there. It felt like some kind of turn based RPG.

Previous dream involved a conversation where my sister was trying to convince me that my two nieces were exactly alike. Something else about my pops and money.

I laid there and had some HI about watching some fat guy dancing and then SP kicked in. It felt like I was being pulled through my bed. I could even hear my mattress springs squeak.

I arrived in my driveway laying on my stomach. My face was flat against the ground and it made me question weather or not that was my sleeping position.

I stood up and saw this red haired guy I instinctively called "life" and started asking him questions. I knew I wanted to share a dream but I couldn't even think of the name when I asked him about it.

Life replied "oh that little short girl." I nodded and he said I didn't want to have anything to do with her. I found it odd that if this guy was so wise why couldn't he think of Koamea's name either.

"Well is there anything I could help you with" I asked. He told me he was fine excep for one person that was in my house. I naturally thought that I was going to have to kill someone and he agreed. Then I started thinking maybe it isnt the best idea to kill someone I didn't really know about.

I was lucid but I lacked a lot of reasoning I this dream. I decided to head to my back yard and see if I could find anyone randomly who I was supposed to see. I looked down the road, and saw my old school bus heading towards my house. I hope this isn't going on in RL. This crap is going to wake me up. I watched the bus do some awkward u-turn and head the other way. I thought about going after it but I woke up.

I was in the middle of a dream when I heard a loud BANG, literally next to my ear as if someone slammed a door. Which is odd, because my appartment only has 2 swinging doors: my front door into the corridor, and my bedroom door. The rest are sliding doors that don't go *bang*. I don't even have a wardrobe, just shelves where my clothes live.

I calmed myself down, and started hallucinating (I hallucinate outside of SP as well as in SP) and heard a little girl say "HEY!" in a cheerfully excited tone. I even smiled at this, it was so cute. I heard another little bang (from my boiler) and in a flash I saw a grey decayed wall, like a ruin.

I felt the pre-SP vibrations and started to hear stuff, so I thought "Nope, not going into HH." so I said NO out loud and rolled over to my left side.

Went into SP anyway, of course, lol, while lying on my side. 2 waves of vibrations later, I woke up in the dream Again, I didn't bother RCing. ..had I read Matte's new competition rules, I'd have done it, because it would have given me points XD

sun January 8th 2012
23:00-7:45

Nothing special, took abit longer to fall asleep though.

I was house sitting for a friend of my parents and threw a big party. There was a DJ, booze and I think some people used the pool too.
We divided the gang into 4 groups, each had to wrap a person into blue bubblewrap. I was the one being wrapped. I noticed all my friends were in other groups and I didn't know any of the people wrapping me in but one. A girl I haven't seen since primary school.
So then the game started, but I'm not sure what the objective was. It had something to do with not getting caught by the other teams. At one point I'm thinking to go stand in the line to get a beer, but then I decided not to because they might attack from the back. I figured that was my team's job: to keep me "hydrated". But there was noone around I could spot (mainly because I didn't know any of them).
Suddenly the situation changes when the owners get back. The place is messy, but I don't tell them about my party. I blame it on my sister while I'm cleaning up (I don't even have a sister, irl. RC noted).

Dream Recall is not a major problem for me and for some reason I'm very proud of that. I just follow the advice on this site by setting an alarm, drinking water, having a note taking device handy (laptop this time around) and tell myself over and over again I'll wake up and remember my dreams as I fall asleep. I'm 2 for 2 so far. Last night was the first time I tried this in over 2 1/2 years, I don't know why I've waited so long to come back to this, because it is fun.

Here is my dream journal for last night: No LD's but I'm optomistic because 2 1/2 years ago I had a short LD the first time around and recorded over a dozen distinct dreams. This time no LDs but I have at least 8 distinct dreams but fewer details. I think I need to get to bed earlier and not sleep while it's light out still! lol


Start of Dream Journal for Sunday January 8th 2012

6:30AM - Went to Bed - All dreams and writing sessions are written in backwards order last thing first, first thing last.
Went to bed at


9:30AM Woke up myself at naturally!! and wrote the following:
Dream about my Dad and Autumn (Sister) sharing stories about pupeteering. Autumn was telling me all about the different ways its done in some culture/place etc, while she was talking I saw the puppets/marrienettes were on a castle wall top and there was something peculiar about the situation they were in but I can't remember...

Before that I was by the water (river/canal) with my grandparents (Mothers parents) and my Aunt Jenny and for some reason we had a small single person boat/sled type thing which was made of metal and painted white. My grandfather was afraid was going to get SCRATCHED UP. I almost jumped in the water, I felt really cold and warm sorta at same time as I ran around the place my grandmother was. I believe my grandmother was either sitting on a picnic table or gramma was sitting while holding the sled object (somebody else was there) Before this we had been all inside something like a car but it was not exactley a car, somebody other than me was driving and they drove towards the water and grampa got really upset because they drove so close to the water that the tires/something like tires/sled bottom went over the waters edge...

11:30am
I was at autumn and dads living room wth Autumn/Elise Aunt Jen and somebody else we were laying on the couch in order from left to right Mom(or someone else) Elise/Autumn (changed to elise after a while) elise was taking pictures that made entire Pictures that had frames and many smaller shots under neath (when she took the picture of me at the end of the dream the framed picture just appeared above her hangiing in mid air)...

Before this I was in a hospital of sorts and I was in an elevator after running from somebody...

Before this I was with Sheldon(from Big Bang Theory) or my friend Scott, I'll just call this mystery person my friend in a house and we were talking about measures to take in case of a zombie attack or something along those lines. I went into a small place in the corner of the room we were talking in that was supposedly a way to get to the protected celler but I was in there and my friend was trying to get in there or something, I had a small camera in my hand I was trying to give to my friend but the opening between us was too small, there was a glass jar attached to the ceiling above me and I put the camera into it as if I could then screw it back to the wall and have my friend retrieve it from there. While I was doing this my friend was getting frustrated because it was obvious that this was not going to do anything practical, I was very amused by making this attempt but my friend was not (LOL)...

At some point in my dreams there was a war of some sorts that I was part of but it was more like a video game, I was trying to destroy all these things that seemed humanoid, they were outside and I was running from them and also hiding and stalking them a little bit...

2:30PM
I was at someones home and family was there with me and a child that I didn't know, there was an older woman sleeping in a bed and two people and myself were trying to get something off a table near her bed without waking her, when we were trying to do this the something we were getting started to make noise (it may have been a cassette deck that looked bigger much like a VHS tape) I started to pull out the magnetic tape when it started to make noise and tried to stop the tape from moving in a vain attempt to stop the noise and keep the woman from waking up by holding onto it tightly...

...I had a some sort of sex dream involving (edited) perhaps, it was not very detailed but supposedly it was (edited), very strange, never rememembered any sex dreams involving this person before. We were in some sort of shower room and I remember some sort of sex on the floor...

After logging these dreams I stayed awake in bed
Total Sleep approx 8 hours Gotta go to bed earlier!! With work on Monday 11:30AM to 8PM I should get to bed really shortly after writing this. Thanks for reading !! If you made it this far... hehe

I woke up in the middle of the night, felt like I was gonna go into SP, but the hallucinations started kicking in before I could prepare myself mentally so I just said "NO" and rolled over to my side.

Of course, I still went into SP XD

I felt I was in the dream, so I floated above my bed for a bit, and then thought "meh, I've got flying down as a skill, no point in doing it in here.." so I hovered back down and thought I'd open my eyes XD So I did. My room was pitch black (even blacker than it should be), so I walked out into my living room to find.. ..C!! FINALLY!! I got so happy I knew I had to do something to constrain my thrill (lest it wake me up), so I just kissed him. While I was kissing him I thought "YES I FINALLY SUMMONED HIM! I DID IT!!" ..and I turn around to see.. ..another C! The same man in my dream. Twice. So I did what any good girl would do and had a threesome, though I didn't get further than both Cs kissing me at the same time (and kissing each other while at it) before my dream collapsed.

Short 'n sweet!

01/08/12

From School to Oblivion
I am in school at Pima Community College, this is my first day back to class. I look around at the other students and find a sear where I wait for the instructor. The teacher comes in pretty soon, and I see he has a cart full of goodies with him! Lots of sweets. Cupcakes, cookies, donuts… there goes my diet! I decide to eat a limited amount of the treats. I pick a chocolate cupcake and start eating it. It is delicious. There doesn't seem to be an actual class, and I wonder if tuition is all going to pay for sweets… weird… I decide I had better leave before I pig out. I go to the door and open it, there is someone else about to come in. A large tentacle or vine or something erupts through his chest as he is standing there. He has the most puzzled look on his face… wtf?! I go around the dying man and see there is an Oblivion gate in the parking lot. There are scamps wandering around the gate and a huge vine like thing coming out of the gate, that is what killed the man. I find I have a sword… it formed from Witchblade. I cut the vine thing off and jump through the Oblivion gate, moving seamlessly from a non-lucid dream to believing I am in a virtual reality video game.

I am in Oblivion now, and I look around to see what needs to be done. There is a massive gate closed between me and the main tower. I guess they expect me to walk around the long way to get there. I have the idea I don't have that much time. I go over to the gate and look at it closely. There are various places on the gate that make it look like I should be able to climb it. I wonder if this version of the game will allow that… so I start climbing. I get to the top with surprisingly little effort. I look down on the other side of the gate. My body feels lighter than normal… instead of taking this as a trigger to do a RC I decide it is because of the game. I fly down on the other side of the gate, immediately engaging two daedra in battle and killing them. I go into the main tower and look around, killing three scamps and a daedra I find there. There is a beam of fire shooting up the center of the tower. I don't have time to go the long way… I fly up the beam to the top. I am being fired at by scamps on the path around the outer edge of the tower. They can't hit the target. I get to the top and look at the sigil stone only briefly before grabbing hold of it… and waking up.

This dream is returning to a big shopping centre.... which I don't know.

Fist I remember going there... through big entrance... Its a randomly shaped concrete building. I walk through to a upper floor and there are little stools where some indian and pakistani dudes sell various random stuff. I go to the first stool and recognise the guy (though I don't know him from the real life). He recognises me too and tells me that I bought my mattress from him some years ago. I am surprised that he remembers me. Suddenly I hold the mattress, telling him that its a good one, but that I have had it for long. I joke that I will leave it there.. as there is no space already. Then we leave the shop and start talking about programming websites. Suddenly Lukas V is there. He describes that when you buy some program for building websites, you can call them up to 500 times a month and they will help you with it.... I think about it and say that 500 times is a lot, but he disagrees. I say, that its a great job as you can do it wherever you want.. .in a coffee shop and so on.... he doesn't understand what I mean....

Then I am approaching the shopping centre again.... with some couple and a kid. As we are driving... I can see something like real size advertising of what london busses will look like in several years. The busses were tall and look fully electronic. THey had colours like student oyster card. I was quite amazed by that. We walk in and I talk to the woman and joke with the kid. I say that I like to shop in groceries department and stationary. We go to boots, but the woman is not too excited about it. we continue walking trying to entertain the child.

Then Peter O is there. I have some egyptian states that were broken and I had to glue them together. Peter is up to something and puts the statues to certain place in a little room. Everything starts shaking and the floor opens. The starts start cracking. I have a feeling that he messed up by this. It feels that he was doing some black magic trick to sort out his financial situation.... as if it was supposed to open some treasure... but it is not happening... I feel like he fucked up even more.

Then I am leaving my house to go to work. I go to a bus stop, that is near the round bound near the telco. I am saying bye to some people in the house... I think that they were the people from my previous dreams.... and I walk to the bus stop... When I am almost there I just check my pockets if I have everything and realise that I don't have my valet... so I run back ... thinking shit.. good that I realised now and not at the bus stop.....

This was more of a fragment than anything else, but I recall a few details. There was a community that I was living in, and started talking with a few of the neighbors. They were an old couple and reminisced about when they first moved to this asteroid colony that we resided on. The said that before some overpass they built, there was an underground road populated with businesses that led to the residential sector. However, once that overpass was built, the businesses closed up and became it became a black market. After that story, I decided to go investigate myself, but I forgot what I found. The place was built in what looked like an abandoned mineshaft that went far down. But that's where my recall ends.

In another dream I remember making breakfast. I was cooking bacon, eggs, and pancakes. I remember that I burnt the bacon, and undercooked both the eggs and pancakes and was met with extreme disappointment from myself and my family.

I'm certainly enjoying my dreams more than anything else. I think dreams like these are always a nice highlight of the night even if they are only fragments. Happy Dreaming!

After 13 days from trying to lucid dream/ the start of my dream journal I had my first lucid. Was on the 13th December 2011.

Me and my brother (he is my twin but doesn't look like me) are driving back from town. He is driving mums car which he normally wouldn't be doing because he only has his learners and mum wasn't there. For some reason I ask to be let out so I can walk. I walk for a while and somehow my brother is behind me even though he dropped me off and carried on driving. But he drives past so I wave at him to stop for a ride. I see someone else in the front passenger seat who I think is my brothers friend called Liam. When I get back in I realize it is a dream because he shouldn't be driving and how did liam get there? I almost lose the dream and was going to try to fly, but I think I spin around while sitting in the back seat somehow and then im back in the back seat of the car. (Im very excited and can feel my heart pumping fast) I say to my brother "you know this is a dream right?" the whole time im smiling because IM DREAMING and it feels so weird. He turns around and says " no it's not". This confirms to me it is a dream because he's not even looking where he's driving and also I've heard dream characters deny that its a dream when you tell them. I also tell liam but he also refuses. We stop outside our house but then start driving. There were some magicians on the side of the road ,one was holding a top hat looking like he was gonna pull a bunny out. I see our cat in several places, first on our property then down the road as we're driving. I want to test my control on the dream so I say to my brother that I want to drive. He says no so I "think myself" into the drivers seat and it works. Liam and my brother somehow both are in the backseat now. I go down the big hill after the dairy and up the other side. Someone yells "Lets Go!" and I wake up.