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26th August 2020 DFLN

Long dreams, poor recall because of noisy workers outside.

Fragment:

Remember being at my old best friends' house. His younger brother was there too, but was older?

I think I talked to my friend about my art. I thought about showing him some drawings, I remembered he used to draw a bit, including by tracing.

---

Notes:

- Back when we were actually friends, I considered tracing to be a "cheat", a notion I have dropped in recent years.

23rd August 2020: DFLN

24th August 2020 DFLN

Dream:

About classic WoW. On my gnome rogue, using a 100% riding horse. I'm in Winterspring? I fight some lions (but they don't look wintery/snowy like the local tigers should). In-line note: The night before this dream I had watched for the first time the trailer for the remake of Lion King, which I had heard of but not seen much about.

I'm Combat-specced, I think. There were other player characters nearby but I don't remember any interactions, mix of Horde and Alliance, I think. Then Hnk messages me as I'm going to the town, which is more realistic and I walk toward a little shop in one of the buildings.

Hnk was upset about guild recruiting. Some girl lied about something specific in the application to join? But apparently this was normal. I remember we messaged each other for a while, whilst I was still outside but in the middle of the town.

Then I'm in the shop. I remember eventually I stop making notice of the chat UI for a bit. The shop is like one of those little convenience stores where you buy newspapers, magazines and play lottos, etc. There's a lady who runs the shop, behind a counter. I just look around at first.

Something changes as I'm talking to Hnk via messages. Now, all of a sudden, the shop is full of "dirty" magazines. They are pretty much the only thing for sale here now, mostly featuring naked women with artificially bigger breasts. Most of them seem to be around my age. I find it all to be more distasteful than I normally would somehow. Then the lady at the counter complains to herself about how people keep going into the private areas at the back.

I sort of join in and comment that it's ridiculous, people should surely know not to go past the counter. The lady appreciates my understanding of her situation and then I approach and ask her about something. (What?) And then I remember that I was supposed to sort something out while I was here, but I forget what, so we both take guesses at what it could be, for a while. I remember closing my eyes and resting against the counter while I try to remember.

Eventually I "recall" that I needed to sort out some kind of prepayment card. For Hnk? But mom asked me to do it? The lady shows me a plastic plate/card with some information and I try to take a photo of it with my phone, which feels unusually big and unwieldy.

The dream ended shortly after, and there were other dreams but I couldn't recall them.

---

Notes:

- This dream features mixed parts of recent life (classic WoW) and parts of my late teens.
- In the dream, I vaguely recall having thoughts that although I found the magazines distasteful, they were this lady's business, so I made sure to not comment anything out loud about it to myself. This may be a partially direct message aimed at some part of me, using some role reversal as metaphor in the dream.
- The chat with Hnk was particularly long via whisper messages. I only wish I could have recalled more specific wordings or details.

- This dream felt nostalgic in a sense; WoW dreams are generally nostalgic anyway for me but they also tend to be novel, featuring adventures unique to myself and often in alternate versions of game locations or completely new areas. But the shop was reminiscent of when I would go to such shops to play the lottery in my late teens and I often did notice there were these types of lewd magazines at those shops; as I got older I felt like it became more common but maybe this was just a shift of my own perspective. Because of this, in a way, the dream felt nostalgic of how things were before everything started to feel sexualised in some sense.

Been having motivational issues around dreaming because of how mornings (and days in general) have been lately, but really need to finish catching up my DJ. Will also try to give this some relevant title...

22nd August 2020 (DFLN thread)

Dream:

Something about being in a town and visiting a cultural centre thing with a group of people, like a field trip (from how I remember them at school).

There were some little statuette things atop a doorway bit at the entrance of a museum area? The statuettes were the legacy of an Aztec culture that (in the dream) had existed in Europe until the 800s.

I remember some people in the group were old classmates of mine. Many of them were simply messing around and some of them got some chairs to try and reach up to the statuettes to touch them. The statues had some visual resemblance to football players? Or to table football figurines. The statuettes were very blocky and maybe made of some kind of painted terracotta.

I was completely uninterested in messing around like them and so went for a walk. I remember the inside of the museum looked dark, no lights were on inside since it was daytime. I think I went with one of the teachers around the area. There were gardens of some kind and it was sunny. There was a little artificial water feature, like a mini concrete pond.

Then I had walked a really long way. Eventually I'm jogging or running? And then there's a guy along the pavement and I sort of prompt him to race with me. It's night time now but bright from moonlight (I vaguely recall a sunset transition as I walked); we're in a suburban type of area, reminds me of North American suburbs.

I don't quite remember how, but eventually we're very high up, we climbed or ran up some thick steel cabling to get here. We're higher than some of the tallest buildings' rooftops in the area. This is some kind of construction site. Then a thunderstorm begins and this guy I raced with tells me about some villain he has to assassinate, like I'd earned his trust or something? I somehow have a focused zoom-view looking straight down from the girders we're on an I see what I can only describe as a convertible white limo. The villain steps out and he looks like King Pin.

I use some kind of oversized (comically?) rocket launcher, featuring a red colour scheme. I shoot straight down at the limo, I don't remember exactly what happened but the dream went on for a while, but at this point recall had faded too much.

---

Notes:

- The area the museum was in was very much like the areas around my old home, but more so of the town next over from mine (Bran).

I enter the dream fully lucid. I am in my music studio and there is a man standing in the corner. I have seen him standing there in previous dreams and he is always smiling but taunting me a little. This time I reach out toward him and dissolve him. I turn back toward the door and it has closed. I look up at the ceiling and decide to just fly through it.

I feel myself losing stability and I find myself back in my bed. My wife is next to me and we are sitting up in the bed eating roasted chicken. There are people in the room off to our right and one man is berating her in a loud voice. He then begins to insult me as well. I feel myself getting angry so I get out of bed and say, "I'm going in to wash my hands and when I come back I'm going to punch you".

I go into the bathroom to wash and when I look at my hands I decide to put my right index finger through my left palm. It doesn't go through so I push harder and watch as it emerges out the back of my hand. The skin around the finger is pushed back like an exit wound. I turn back and the door has been closed......I hesitate and then walk through it. When I get back to the bedroom door there is a man standing there threateningly as if to not let me pass. I touch him and he dissolves.

I am standing in the hallway now, fully lucid. I ponder what I should do next. I decide to spin around and see where I end up. I spin one time and find myself in an open area somewhere outside. It feels like it might be an old dump. I look around and there are numerous couples huddling under blankets. I walk slowly among them. As I pass one couple I reach out and touch the woman's hand. I hear her say, "He touched me." Then I hear a man say, "Just be quiet and he'll leave." At the edge of the clearing I stop and turn to look back at all of the blanketed couples before flying slowly over them and out of the scene.

Now I am in a nondescript scene still fully lucid. I decide that I'll try to meditate. I try to close my eyes and I find that I can't. I try harder and I wake up.

This occurred after another aborted WILD attempt that had resulted in strong hypnagogia. I had drifted into sleep. As I awoke.........

..... in the brief liminal moment between sleep and waking a voice calls out to me. It is the voice of an older woman. Her voice is very specific and very clear.....I would recognize it if I heard it again. She sounds a little distant and a little desperate. She has called me by my name. "Steve.....I can't remember my name.". I wake up in the dark and I know her name. I say it out loud. I tell her what her name is.

I googled her name as soon as I got up. She had died three weeks before. Her picture looks just like she sounded.

This occurred at the end of a WILD attempt. I rolled over into my sleep position and almost immediately.......

......I feel my body physically flying from the bed, feet first, with my eyes still closed. The feeling is visceral....strongly physical. I am fully awake having not really fallen asleep. I end up in my back yard in the air. I turn over and look down. There is a thick fog but I can see my back yard and the neighboring houses through the fog.

I float for a while and then soar into the air before returning to the spot above the yard. I wonder actively about the fog as I feel myself returning to my bed.

This occurred in January of 2020. It had been unusually warm. I got up and went into the bathroom. When I looked out the bathroom window......there was dense fog.

These dreams came only a few weeks after I began working with LD techniques.

I enter the dream fully lucid and high over a field. Below me is a stream that flows through the field from the woods beyond. there is a figure standing in the stream. I fly down to the stream and become the figure.

Now I am standing in the stream with the water flowing toward me. I can feel the force of the current around my legs as the water is up just above my knees. I walk slowly upstream to where the stream is tumbling gently over some rocks into a small pool. On the left is a small patch of sand. I look up stream further to where the stream emerges from the woods and I see a small tree that has fallen out over the water. One of it's branches is intermittently caught in the current and it bobs rhythmically. I walk out of the water and up on to the sand. There is a path that leads away from the stream. I wake up.

The very next night......

I enter the dream fully lucid and I am flying high over the exact same scene. This time there is nobody standing in the stream. I fly down and land in the stream I walk up to the sandy shore. Everything is exactly the same right down the the tree with the branch bobbing in the current. I walk back into the water this time and lay down on the bottom of the pool below where the water is tumbling down.

I lay on the bottom breathing in the water and looking up at the clear blue sky.

I am going to journal the three most powerful nocturnal events that have shaped me over the last year and a half.

This is the dream that started me on this path. It occurred on the night of February 3, 2019.

I am canoeing down a narrow river in my red Old Town canoe. I am alone. In front of me the river narrows between two outcroppings. Suddenly a huge hippopotamus rises from the river between the two rock outcroppings. It is dark gray and dripping with water. It speaks to me in the soft voice of a woman telling me that I can no longer go this way.

I fly from the river trailing the canoe behind me and end up standing on the raised bank that had been to my left. I glance back at the river and realize that I am fully awake in the dream. I turn and look off into the distance as I wake up.

That next morning I researched "waking up in a dream" and discovered lucid dreaming.

Piano or forte?
In school, some classmate of me whose face I can't discern asks if, metaphorically, piano or forte would indicate something stronger, and I said forte.

Something else
It's blurry, but it might be at home.

---

More than yesterday.

Awake|Dreaming|Lucid

I'm downstairs and my cousins are there. Therese asks me if they can borrow a cheaper guitar that I am not afraid of to Oskar. I'm a little bit afraid that Oskar will destroy it but I say okey. I walk upstairs and hear someone play electric guitar. I look into the small room to the right when you walk from the TV-room upstairs to the stairs. Edvard has my guitar in an uncomfortable position due to the little space he has. There is also a drum kit there. There is another lady playing John Mayer music in the TV-room. My cousins come upstairs and are going to watch a movie. Suddenly I'm in my room with Signe. There are some other people there too. A girl I don't know and maybe Gabriel. Signe and I snuggle and sleep next to each other, it's really a blissful feeling. Later on she moves away but comes back only to put my head on her stomach as a resting place. Her stomach is comfortable. Both of us fall down the bed together. The other girl comes in and I ask her if she didn't watch the movie. She replied that she has a series that she's watching.

I'm by a beach but there is like a big pedestal we stand on and my other cousins are there. Gustav, Klaus, William and Peter are the ones I remember most. Gustav throws me into the water on the left side of the pedestal and I can't move. the water is like quicksand. When I reach the bottom of the water I am able to swim up with effort. I am really mad at Gustav because I think he knew that the water was like that. I throw Gustav in and he quickly swims up to the surface. I tell him that he can't do that to me but he says that he had no bad intentions and that the water is perfectly fine. Suddenly we all are by the water and Hans is also there. He holds in my body and puts it under the water so that I can't breathe. It's some kind of game we are playing. I think that he will drag me up to the surface soon but I'm still worried that he might not. After some seconds he takes me back to the surface.

Morning of September 8, 2020. Tuesday.

Dream #: 19,622-02. Reading time: 4 min 18 sec.



I instinctually summon imaginary kinaesthesia to vivify and sustain my dreaming experience. It is crucial to comprehend that this process is not symbolic, interpretable, or influenced by waking life but is a deliberate attempt to become more immersed in my dream. (Summoning imaginary kinaesthesia means instinctually directing the vestibular system ambiguity resulting from the lack of viable discernment of my physical body and its orientation while in dream sleep to favor the inward illusory side of this ambiguity to increase the illusion of movement and momentum. I have indulged in this practice since I was a toddler.)

I am also instinctually aware of Zsuzsanna sleeping close to me on my left. As a result, in my dream, she is sitting on my left in what first seems like a small open train but soon becomes a car on a roller coaster. There are no other roller coaster cars or people. (Meanwhile, Zsuzsanna is dreaming of being on a train, intimating we are in the same stage of dreaming, not necessarily transpersonal as it is a fundamental process.)

My dream vivifies with realistic movement (correlating with my imaginary physicality) as we ride the roller coaster. I see its unusual structures ahead, but I remain unconcerned, and our ride is smooth. The landscape is similar to that along West Avenue North in La Crosse. I realize that the ride will take us to a resort that features a beach. This factor is an instinctual summoning of melatonin mediation. Water exemplifies the illusory essence and nuances of sleep. (Meanwhile, Zsuzsanna continues in the same dreaming stage. However, in her dream, she remains on the train. Rain starts to come in because of a leak in the roof.)

At the unfamiliar resort, the beach is suddenly an indoor feature after the typical indoor-outdoor ambiguity of this dreaming mode begins but favors the indoor factor. It is now more like a big indoor swimming pool. Our oldest son is now with us (even though he did not travel here with us), but he is only about ten years old. (There is no recall of our other four children at this point.) He cheerfully jumps into the water. Several other people are swimming while I sit with my legs hanging over the edge of the pool and sarcastically complain about there being no beach. At this point, because of sustained virtual melatonin mediation, I become aware our son is not resurfacing. I soon see him below the water’s surface and pull him up, and he seems to be unconscious (instinctual awareness I am sleeping). He recovers and complains about a man grabbing him underwater and doing something to his face.

Zsuzsanna, our son, and I walk down a hall as I complain about the place and the man who may have hurt our son. A sleep-wake manager (also the manager of the resort) comes to us with another unknown male and states how he removed a small stick from our son’s nose and also intended to bring him up to the surface. Even so, I am annoyed that such a business would allow debris where people are swimming.

In the next scene, Zsuzsanna, our son, and I are in a small room with windows encompassing three sides and benches attached to three walls. We watch an unrealistically large shark swimming around, though it does not bump the glass or pose a threat. The height of its head is higher than the windows when it is closest. (This scene was directly influenced by “Underwater” from 2020, though in the movie, it was people watching a giant fictitious oceanic creature through a window. Despite the influence, it correlates with precursory liminality that I informally call wall mediation, instinctual awareness of the concurrent division between imaginary dream space and potential waking space.)

At a service counter, I become annoyed when the manager gives us complimentary bowls of ice cream. I knock them to the floor, as I do not want to spend any more time here, and end up leaving on my own with less of my waking-life identity. I climb up the roller coaster and attempt to ride a car back home (mistakenly perceived as Northside La Crosse, where I have not been in waking life since 1994). Even though my dream exponentially vivifies at this point, it also transitions to the emergence side of physicality and kinaesthesia. It now seems I am on a mechanic’s creeper (instead of a roller coaster car) and trying to move through a small wooden tunnel, feet first while on my back. (This type of dream state process occurs when precursory liminality becomes predominant in that I am then liminally aware of my physical body being immobile and beyond my control while sleeping. At this point, I am also instinctually aware of my sleeping position, which is mostly on my back.) I think about the unusual restrictions of the design and consider how men of a bigger size than me could not use the transportation at all. Even so, it seems likely that I will not be able to continue comfortably.

I decide to teleport (with only vague myoclonus). I am suddenly in an unknown outdoor location in Northside La Crosse. Two people are present; an unfamiliar man and a woman (quantum model of Zsuzsanna). I tell the man that I teleported here. He seems puzzled and incredulous. I prove it to him by teleporting about six feet to the left of my present position with the sense of quickly blinking and becoming more aware of the dream state’s essence again. He cheerfully holds up his cell phone to film me in a conspiratorial manner, but I turn so that my face is out of range. I cause his cell phone to stop working. The screen cracks, and it displays what looks like an analogue television on an empty channel.

I explain that whatever I say happens. I summon somatosensory dynamics (to augment my dream self’s sense of touch), but with big diamonds rather than eggs or coins. I open my hand to reveal an unrealistically large diamond that I give to the man. I tell him it is only worth about $30,000.00. Other diamonds appear in my hand. I give the woman one.

In the last scene, she happily approaches me as I am leaving to remind me I had already given her a diamond on a previous day. She opens her hand to show me two large diamonds.

---

Had several false awakenings where I thought I was getting up early to get work done early in the morning, checked my phone and thought it was 8am but then woke up IRL later than that.

Dream was at the KC pool in the basketball/volleyball area except the slope down to the playground was much bigger. In the parking lot was a city, it was either dusk or dawn. I thought I was in my new apartment but going into another part of the building I realized it was a bar, people from my high school were there. We were catching up, it felt like the bar was closing and it was time to go home or maybe to another class in the city, I went out and tried to get into my apartment but it was just the bar now.

Now I'm at my old apartment driving to a club or bar, I go in but I'm not dressed appropriately, I try to go to the shower but a random kid is about to go in and use it so I sigh and turn around. Eventually I end up back there and I'm in line, abb is there and we greet each other, the bouncer asks me for my ID and I get out my wallet.

Show choir dream where I'm in a movie theater, we're doing dance moves but I don't really know them so I'm watching someone else. It's really messy. Another team goes onto the front stage and I think they aren't doing very well, they're ripping off a movie but I can't remember which.

Unspecific fragment
I remember standing in front of the door to the staircase connecting all flats of my house. Otherwise, I only remember wanting to remember the dream once I woke up since I recall that the dream was great.

---

I guess school killed recall.

Summary:

+ I lived next door to Susan Sarandon, she had a son named "Matt" who was my son S2's friend, I see Matt is home and tell S2 to go play, I go along, we pet Matt's cat who raises it's butt when I pet it in the way cats do

+ Some narrated commercial about a service that provides plastic surgery for a lady's private parts, to provide just the silhouette she desires when wearing yoga pants.

+ [long, vivid] son playing outside with radio controlled car, our apartment was ransacked, flooded, and covered with nasty graffiti spray painted on the walls, curtains, and ceiling, I'm worried about where we'll go next, I look closely at the graffiti, my ipad's been pummeled with a small sharp object, we uncover a kid's toy pinball machine that some girl appears and plays, and the scene moves into the machine and it chooses an activity for the kids to do.

+ [fragment] some sort of (beauty?) contest involving a lot of people mulling around
excerpt from the major dream of the night.

Details of vanadlized apartment:

+ I'm returning home to our first floor apartment, and I'm worried that we didn't lock the door. I want to call my wife but she's at an event (concert?) The outer door opens without unlocking, and there is a second inner door immediately next to it, and it opens easily as well, not locked. I enter, concerned we may have been burgled. I am not sure right away, I see piles of objects strewn around, and I get the impression everything is wet, like somebody has brought a garden hose inside and sprayed everything. I see my ipad in front of me and pick it up, it is wet, I turn it over and look at the back, it is covered with pencil-eraser sized dome dents, like it was pounded repeatedly with a small blunt object.

Looking around I see piles of stuff. I look around the room and see graffiti on the walls, curtains, even part of the ceiling. I look closer at it. It looks like it was spray painted, it is a brown-ish color, and the walls are a vague tan/off-white. On the wall in front of me is a caricature of a butt-hole with the telltale wrinkles in a ring, on the wall to my left is a figure of a person in distress (being tortured?) upside down, I take a moment to appreciate that it was drawn well. There are "X"s drawn on other parts of the room like the curtains.

There is a child's toy (among row of them), I remove the plastic cover and it looks like a little pinball machine. A little girl walks up and starts playing it, I follow the play inside the game and the view transforms to a place where the ball hits (?) and it starts a transition to a new scene(?)

Dream from September 7, 2020

It was the day before my brother-in-law, Steven, was to marry his fiance, Amanda. They were having a co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party at a multi-story, adult arcade. The managers even accommodated to everyone spending the night so no one would have to drink and drive. Also, because the ceremony and reception were being held there the next day in their beautiful outdoor event area.

My parents and sisters were invited to the festivities. Steven and my sister, Lisa, have a very brief history in real life. We all went camping and they got drunk and made out. In my dream, I saw Lisa and Steven flirting nearly all night. I was so upset and disgusted by them both because I really like Amanda.

At some point during the night, Amanda was informed that someone in her family had died and she had to leave for a few hours to go to the funeral. When she came back, I notice how sad she was. I also noticed that she wasn't acting like herself in the sense that she looked like she was high. My instinct knew it was pills to help her ease her heartache. I tried to find Steven because I knew it was important for him to be there to help her, but he kept evading me.

"Steve, I really need to talk to you," I said over and over again as he continued to walk away from me laughing.

"Steve, it's really important. Come on!" I insisted, but to no avail.

He was hanging out with one of his female friends. Weaving in and out of arcade games and pinball machines. She looked familiar from waking life, but I can't put my finger on who she was.

Finally, I yelled at him.

"Steven! Cut the shit! I need to talk to you about Amanda!" That seemed to get his attention enough to hear me out at least.

I told him that Amanda was high on pills, but he didn't believe me. While we were talking, Amanda came over to us and started hugging me tightly. She knew that I was looking out for her best interest and needed someone to console her who actually seemed to care about how she felt.

It is suddenly the next day and everyone is happy. I exit the arcade and go to the event area in the back of the building. It was such a beautiful venue. Vibrant, green, luscious grass. It was like an infinity pool, but for the grass. The back edge of the lawn just cut off to an equally green valley followed by equally green hills in the distance. The sky was bright blue with the fluffiest white clouds and the perfect amount of sun.

Some of the guests began to arrive and I noticed one group of people being loud and rowdy. One of them threw a large, empty wine bottle across the lawn followed by a lot of laughter. I tried to force them to clean up the mess.

"This is their big day and you're just going to litter and make a mess of this beautiful place?" I was so angry!

I found Amanda and told her what happened. I told her I tried, but they wouldn't clean up the mess.

"It's OK," she said. "They're reggae."

Dumbfounded, I could only assume this meant that she was fine with their lack of tidiness because people who are reggae are known to be dirty. I don't know. Then I woke up.