All DJ Entries

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid false awakening / astral projection


We moved to an apartment in Alverca. The house is nice and big, but we look through the window and I only see other buildings right in front. I recall we moved here so to be closer to mom. She is seeing the house for the 1st time and she is impressed by the size of the rooms. She lays on the couch in the living room and says that's what she'll be doing on weekends when she comes by, but I notice she is sad and so am I. More than sad, I feel depressed and oppressed, remembering the beautiful green landscape we no longer have around. I miss it so much and think we made a mistake.

Travel back in time with a couple friends, kind of accidental. We find ourselves in USA around the 1900s, I think in Washington. We end up in the house of a lady and her daughter who have some kind of family factory they inherited and are trying to get back to work, having to fight back all the discrimination against independent working women. They are determined to make it work and we help them. Right now they have men reconstructing their old mansion and its quite chaotic. I go for a walk with one of my friends and we pass by historical buildings like the Senate and I ask her "Doesn't this feel like you real life now? Don't you feel at home here?" And she says "no", looking surprised. I explain that I enjoy so much this slow paced world and she says she misses the internet. I laugh and agree, that's the only thing that really is hard not to have. But we agree we don't miss tv or any of other technological advances. She still says she wouldn't want to stay. I say I would and I imagine I'd use it to try to change so many things. I see myself writing books to influence the mentality of people in the future.

I'm outside with Elin from the ensemble. We talk and it feels really good to be with her. She tells me that she has to leave me. I follow her to a tree and she tells me she lives there. She has to sleep in the tree almost the whole day. I don't want to leave her. There is a small hole in the tree that at first doesn't seem to fit for her. She enters the hole and I give her a saw. She seems sad to leave me too. I ask her if there is a time I can come to visit her each day so we can spend time together. We discuss some really bad times when I have school and in the middle of the night. I think it would be best if we meet in the morning. Recall gap. At some point I try to save her from evil men with guns.

Notes: I always thought Elin was cool. I haven't seen her in a long time.

I'm with the missionaries in church.

Notes: I have seen the missionaries a lot in the past weeks.

I'm just about to do a RC and suddenly I'm in my bed stretching out my hand in order to pinch my nose.

Notes: I'm not sure if I actually did the RC when I woke up. It might have been a FA.

Agent
Night of November 11, 2020

We had rushed inside one of the houses at the end of the road. It took a while to get our bearings. By the air of conversation coming from one of the rooms on the back, I could tell the owners were unaware of our presence. B stood behind me while I looked back on the door; I opened it ever so slightly until it allowed a small peek through to the other side. Below the thickness of light were vehicles among the rest of homes that lined both sides of the street. My eyes panned side to side; not a single soul stood out in the close vicinity, and that was concerning. They were nowhere to be found.

And then, by mere chance I caught the shadowy figure of a man. He emerged from a corner between the third and fourth houses to the left of the street, and soon after followed not one but five more men. Their sleeveless and greasy shirts were disgustingly magnified by the ammo belts running across their chest. One of them, the closest to the entrance, raised his weapon in victory as he kicked the door from its hinges. The crew forced their way through the threshold while I looked back in horror. With my back against the exit I shut the door close. I could barely think straight; B hadn’t moved an inch.

"They're coming," I said.

B trailed after me as we moved to the back of the house where we found a group of three women sitting around a table.

“We need to move out of this house.” I warned them.

“They’re going to be here any minute now and if they find us, we’re done.”

But the three women ignored me and continued their conversation without a care in the world. As a matter of fact, I don’t think they even heard me. I signaled B and we hurried out of the place through one of the windows. We walked for a while and it wasn’t long when we came upon a stretch of land. An assembly of bodies in black suits covered the space wide. I don’t know why I looked back. The three women's residence was a two-story structure that housed a large balcony overlooking the field. Up on the platform my eyes locked with one of the mercenaries. I diverted my gaze immediately and pulled us both near the crowd of people. But it was too late now. As if taken from one of the Matrix movies, I saw two agents drop to the ground. We had been found.

I turned back only to determine the distance between us as we ran for our lives. The agents chased us to a building which I barely recognized (after waking up) as my old middle school. The old place had a layout consisting of four floors of interconnecting corridors organized in a rectangular pattern. I had taken B up and down countless sets of stairs, through narrow passages and broken-down classrooms. But no matter how much I tried we couldn’t lose them. Eventually, our haphazard escape meant it was only a matter of time before one of us lost sight of the other.

Alone and terrified I ran as fast as I could. Before reaching the end of the hall, I found a short space on the lower left wall near one of many locked doors. I shoved myself into the crammed space and crept my way inside into an abandoned classroom. Within the darkness I barricaded myself with pieces of decayed old wooden chairs, broken tables, and any other mess I could find. I crouched behind the dusty window of the door and awaited in silence. The close stomps from one of the agents could be heard from barely a few feet away. The sound of footsteps came from the right; they stopped directly in front of me, then resumed on the other side, dying out the further they went. Slowly, I raised my head from the ground. We were already deep into the night. The dirty window made it almost impossible to see but, there was no mistake that the quivering figure standing on the third floor, on the other side of the school, was none other than B himself, taken into custody by one of the agents.

I had to go back for my friend. I retreaded slowly away from the door, and then I realized the back of the room had opened itself to a parking space abutting a roadside hotel. The place had a set of stairs to one of the upper floors. The sounds approaching from the neighboring guest rooms startled me, so I took cover, crouching behind the wall at the bottom of the steps. A young man crossed from side to side not before stopping midway after noticing me. He shared a puzzling look. Realizing the awkwardness of the situation I stood up almost immediately and played things off as if nothing had happened. The young man continued, and I followed him up as he turned the corner on the left and entered through the doors to the public restroom. As I did, it became clear to me that this was all a dream.

The place I was in wasn’t anything special, save for a very distinctive feature. I discovered it by watching the young man from before, the moment he sat on the floor in front of a mirror above one of the sinks. Without any interaction on his part, the mirror turned itself on like any other T.V. I was surprised at what unfolded in front of me. But before I did anything else, I had to ground my lucidity inside the dream.

“Where is my body?” I asked.

“My body is lying in bed. I am dreaming.”

“What date is it?”

“It is the 11th of November.”

With renewed clarity, I approached one of the mirrors. As I grabbed it, the object twisted and shrank to a size perfectly fitted to my grip. Like a tablet, I held the mirror and stared at it. Nothing out of the ordinary happened; my reflection looked perfectly back at me. The young man watching T.V. was still there, withdrawn from anything or anyone around him. I didn’t know what to do with this thing. But then, an idea popped inside my head. Could I use an object like this, especially a mirror, to look into another space in the world, maybe use it as a medium of transportation? Say I want to travel to a different location, perhaps the mirror could facilitate a much needing proposition. But how do I get this thing to work?

First, I would need to think of the place I wanted to see. I initially thought about the old school, but at this point lucidity was slipping away and it was hard for me to keep a concentrating effort on the task at hand. The old school brought memories of my friend B, and with a little effort I thought I could use the mirror to look back to where exactly he was being held prisoner. The distance wasn’t long, and maybe I could get back to him by use of the object in the span of an instant. I regained a little awareness after this and attempted my escape. However, whatever I tried, I could not get past my own reflection in the mirror. I thought directly on where I wanted to go, tried to imagine the place I had been previously; I even turned away for a second, then looked back, hoping to see something other than my face behind the small piece of glass, but I failed time and again. It’s as if I didn’t actually believe such a thing possible. Absurd. This was a dream. Impossible had no meaning within the confines of my own mind. And yet, doubt was a hurdle difficult to eradicate. But my mind wasn’t having it no more. Confusion formed inside a cloud that blurred my judgement, disconnecting my mind and sliding me away into the mindset of non-lucid.

The dream continues non-lucidly.



Dipping One's Toes at Dream Control: My First Attempts
Night of November 12, 2020

I stopped before the stairs of my house, observant of whatever was downstairs. I did not know why, but something about the place was amiss. Things felt wrong; it all felt slightly off. And then, it hit me: It is a dream.

I repeated the words, and each time I did, I could feel the cogs inside my head starting to turn. I saw more clearly now, aware of what was happening. Downstairs, danger was imminent. I wanted to get out of here, but I didn’t know how. I thought I’d wish a new place into existence, but the dream would not budge. I tried talking my way through things, but again, it mattered little to none if I didn’t believe myself to make it happen. I stayed for several more attempts until I finally woke up.

Summary:

During Bed
Meditation
Lucid moment


I'm gonna type out what I remember while I can since there was a blackout not that long ago. Who knows if there'll be another blackout from the storm or not? So I'll just type out my thoughts and experiences while I can.

Last night I didn't really sleep. Well I laid there on the bed, felt my body sleep and also noticed that I dozed momentarily once or twice. Perhaps less than a minute even. I actually tried a bit of wild phase right after just to see if it works. It didn't since I was pretty awake but I'll give myself credit for trying right away, because if it was a slightly deeper sleep, it would have definitely worked for sure. I didn't really try to lucid dream though, just you know, relaxed and stuff.

I meditated before bed, maybe a little too well and that might have been the cause of non-sleep. But I did feel rested though. It's just that I was conscious in almost its entirety and noticed the two times I lost consciousness briefly. So it wasn't all that bad really. Actually it was great. Since I had a goal before of meditating the whole night instead of sleeping or trying to do something like that but I never really got around to it. And sitting up the entire time probably would have been uncomfortable. So this was probably a blessing in disguise.

So I didn't even really dream there I laid down about 3-4 hours. There wasn't any dreams, just this calm awareness. It was like a residue of what I did for meditation.

The meditation was just noticing myself being aware of stuff. And if I noticed I got distracted, I didn't get mad or upset. I just told myself, you can do this, you can do that, you can feel anything you want, but just notice yourself feeling those things. And I just felt any focus, attachments, feelings, tensions, but it eventually led back to an energy welling from me. It's like a spiral of vibrating energy and if it's moving about like a storm, then my emotions also feels like a storm. Before I tried to change it, it worked sometimes, but this time I just try to notice it... Just noticing the stuff going on in me. Sort of like sivason's dream yoga guide on the sound, but instead I just focus on that.

So I decided to get up, took 2 short naps later on when I did feel tired. Haven't taken naps in a while but I did.

Oh yeah I also meditated in between. I just meditated until I released this torrent like feeling from my body. Sometimes it took longer, sometimes shorter but I just did it until I was satisfied. Then some very short mantras if I felt like it.

First nap had no dreams, but it felt like hours, when it was only about 20 minutes.

Second one I had a dream, I became aware at the very end. But I couldn't maintain myself in the dream as it collapsed upon my lucidity. I tried though. I tried to grab things like the carpet or the fuzziness before me, but I couldn't grasp onto anythign really. And it slowly became more fuzzy like the TV when it was no signal. I could have retrospectively, tried to DEILD or phase, but I suppose I was distracted by the emotion of failing to pull myself back into the dream. My mistake there.

Dream:

I was inside a house, it had sort of like a daycare thing going on. I was on the first floor and I remember seeing Jack there and his mom was to his right. They were by the stairs so that's how I noticed that it was the first floor. We were talking bout something related to money or something similar. I do recall I was playing wit hthe little kids earlier but right now some of them just decided to jump on me on my back. They all jumped on me and I fell on the floor with like an army of them covering me and it was so heavy I couldn't breathe. I felt like a feeling there. It was like a feeling of frustration, a thought process like, "why is this happening to me?" And my body reacted naturally, or my mind perhaps, just went to that noticing the awareness thing I was talking about earlier. And I was present and questioned this circumstance. And I thought "Oh it's a dream" and I felt the dream beginning to get destabilized. Maybe it's because of the agitation from being jumped by kids, maybe it's because the meditation process in the daytime isn't complete. Maybe I'm getting emotional and switching from unaware to this noticing mode too quickly and that could be a reason why it woke me. Or maybe it was just that I was near waking that I got lucid. But I tried to grab onto something just to touch. There was a TV in front of me maybe about 50 inches. It was placed pretty low, just slightly above the ground, as if it was placed conveniently for the kids. But things started to get fuzzy and I began to lose the sense of touch and vision and I couldn't grab on anything. So maybe I should have tried to rub my own hands here. Or immediately tried to DEILD here.

The house looked sort of like their place btw, but it wasn't the same, and I knew that it was in a different city. The house was newer.

I'll expand more if I remember anymore.

Oh yeah, when I didn't get any dreams initially, I thought that I'd just maybe write down some dreams from last couple of days. Since I didn't expand on those dreams if I didn't have enough dreams maybe I should type them out since I said I'd DJ everyday.


just excessively long trailing thought:
The reason, now that I think about it, as to why I dreamt about being jumped by kids is likely from a thought I had during the day or the day before. I noticed that I had a passing thought and it wasn't a pleasant thought but I think I did the light version of my all day meditation and just stuck with the feeling. It was about adults when I was young child and how I was treated unfairly and just calming the feeling that feeling and noticing it. I felt that those adults back then, incompetent teachers that didn't give a rat's ass about their students, they were actually still children. They were all children, they just didn't fully grow up and wanted a high paying job that was easy to get, with great benefits and guaranteed high wage in this country I'm in. They didn't think about actually teaching the future generation of kids, and perhaps inspiring them to greatness. But then who doesn't look for an easy way out? No they were just nearsighted, but then again how can I blame them? And that kind of way of looking at them just released some of these negative feelings, memories I guess. It was them, the kids, jumping on me figuratively, but literally in my dreams.

How can one even know when they grow up? How can they have a chance to grow up? Society's weird, it's unnatural and critical thinking appears to be discouraged in assignments. It's like they are implying... "you memorize these things right here, we know everything and you don't." But in actuality we really don't know much about anything. Just a speck of dust in the vastness of the universe.

Maybe the problem with the school system is that it lacks the chance to provide people to actually grow up? Maybe society as a whole. Maybe it's because humans used to live in small tribes and now we're all connected in this social media age. It doesn't have that sense of mystery anymore. A chance to explore and discover things for yourself. Instead you're just forced to learn things their way.

But some folks really do thrive well in how things are...

So that got me thinking, perhaps it's something you are suppose to instill in children at a very young age to make this story of life entertaining for kids really. That something is the mystery, the sense of wonder. Maybe at a very young age 2-5, by then you're suppose to expose them to the most advanced scientific concepts to them. To synthetically install the "unknown" they could discover and explore later into their lives. In contrast to the expected sameness of what is expected from an citizen of society. Things like quantum physics, astrophysics, sort of thing and even environmental sciences. We don't make them solve it right away, as children. But just to implant these ideas into them. A mystery, a puzzle for them to solve in their lifetime. Can you imagine if every child was exposed to those ideas? They can conceptually understand these difficult ideas at a young age, and at their later years, they could learn the foundations, the calculations, all the factual stuff they could learn later in their lives. As opposed to what we're doing right now. Job to make a living, a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher... And they do exactly that. And they get that, but it's for the love of money.

And the world is changing is it not? These jobs, like a doctor, especially a surgeon, would soon be replaced with AI, that wouldn't make the human error of cutting the artery by mistake during an operation. Or problems of misdiagnosis. At first, the manual jobs, then the high paying jobs. And then what is left? If all of the jobs are gone, then what would become of their purpose?

Is that scary? Or is it sort of beautiful, wonderful if we could direct humanity in the right direction? Instead of following greed, like holding technological and medical advancement at hostage by buying up patents so you can stay at the top of the food chain. But don't you die one day? Maybe even because you halted progress, maybe medical, that very progress might have saved your life.

Couldn't it be so much more wonderful though? All the menial jobs are taken care of by AIs. And if we all learned to work together, and strive to extend our scientific and spiritual knowledge. Can you imagine a future we have created, and now live and thrive here on paradise earth?

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA/AP

I am at some old industrial offices or at the bridge of a ship, really unclear, but there is a Japanese guy I know and for whom I have a crush. He is the captain and he is studying some charts. There is a sense of urgency and gravity. The place is a mess, it hasn't been working for years, most stuff is boxed and pilling up without apparent logic. But I worked here before and I know more or less where some things are. Right now the captain needs desperately some millimeter graph paper sheets to make some navigational calculations on it. He is out of his mind because it is impossible to find it in this chaos and no other person has a clue to where it could be. But I say I can find it. He puts all his faith on me and I follow my intuition based on where I saw it last time and most likely places where these blocs of paper could be. I try three places and he is starting to lose faith, but at my 3rd attempt I open a cabinet and below some boxes with bottles of wine, I find a box with the blocs he so needs. He is beyond thankful and I immediately enter into his very restrict circle of trust.

I am jogging across an industrial area. I come across a couple teenage girls playing with a ball. They decide to run alongside me and I realize they wanna race me. But not in a friendly way, they kinda wanna mock me by making me feel old and out of shape. But I accept the challenge. I control the ball they left behind with my mind and I make it jump around and follow us just to creep them out. At the end of the road there is an abandoned toll booth and I make the ball shoot across the window and break the glass. They freak out and go after the ball because they don't want to be caught by the security guys. I use the chance to disappear. I cross a warehouse that opens to the main street but there is construction work at the street where I usually go out to take the subway, so I have to go through another exit to be able to enter the street. The subway is inaccessible but there are replacement shuttle buses. I meet a friend (I think it's Zilla) at the bus stop and we look for the right bus for us, number 3 I think. I realize I am not wearing a mask and look up for one in my backpack. After I put it, I look for seats but all are taken and I spot a couple of our friends right in the first seats. They are actors, most are not famous, except for Paul Rudd who is among them and managed to stay incognito because he is also wearing a mask. We salute playfully and then we overhear a couple ladies talking something about Laura Dern. Paul looks at me like "I need to say something". He will expose his identity if he does, but he doesn't care. He addresses the ladies to correct the story they were telling. Says he knows her and was there on that occasion. They freeze in embarrassment but they are also excited because it's Paul. They recognize him but can't name a role he played. I want to tell them he is Ant-man but he looks at me like "please don't say it".
On reaching our destination we make an appointment to meet at Govinda restaurant. I am supposed to go there for some business meeting and then they will join me afterwards. It is important for me, I think I will be offered a job. I just need to take a shower and change clothes. But I cross paths with Marco in front of a building. He looks very good and he is adamant that I have to come drink a coffee at his place. I say I can't right now but apparently he lives at this high end building right ahead. He does not accept a no for an answer so I go, but insist I need to be quick. At his place he starts seducing me and I don't want to fall for it, but I do. He is being irresistible. He kisses me or I kiss him, it is hard to tell and with almost just one movement he gets my clothes off. I insist I can't, that I have to go to an appointment, but I lose control and don't care anymore. I feel a bit self-aware as I put on a bit weight, but he does not care, he is a big guy. He grabs me against the wall with total ease and penetrates me. Let's say he is big in all senses. It hurts a bit so then he lays me on the carpeted floor and asks me if I am ok. He continues more gently as not to hurt me. I kick a popcorn bowl he had on a glass table to our left. I make a big mess. His house is intelligent so a tv screen turns on and his AI asks if he would like it to clean up the mess. He says not now, but I sense he is a bit disturbed with the mess. His house looks like an immaculate temple and I am all sweaty and covered in popcorn. When we are done, he immediately cleans up everything and I go take a shower which I desperately need. He offers me a beautiful dress for me to wear, so I can still go to my meeting if I want to. But now I don't want to go. I plan to take him to bed once I am cleaned up and just stay there the rest of the day with him.

I'm sitting on a train/bus of some kind. There are challenges where we collect point. I have collected 2 points. There are some challenges only girl can do so they all have 4 points each.

Notes: I watched The Silent Revolution yesterday. I think the bus/train I sat in came from there.

I'm tired and thinking if it is a dream. There are some weird patterns showing and I get a bit scared. I try to wake up but remember that it's only a dream. I try to keep myself in the dream but wake up.

I'm in a big house with some evil and good people. The evil person is able to kill us all and a good guy disables him and transform him into ash. The good guy takes the ash and throw it into a water pool next to us. The evil person survives and starts to chase us. We run away and I ask the good guy what the different fighting styles are called. He doesn't know.

Notes: My brother played a game yesterday and I saw a water pool there.

Summary:

DJ everyday in 3 stages (23rd)
Weekly/monthly recall
WBTB ideas (on off)
good things come in 3s
dreams (school, Un kid prank, pear, lucy. Lion lady transforming)
Notice the awareness


Thoughts
Just some monologues to type out my thoughts and ideas I learned, interesting dreams not included.

Maybe I need to up DJ game again. I'm not progressing right now. I'm just not thinking lucid dreaming stuff enough.

I need meaning. A reason. Something to...

A way just to immerse myself in lucid dreaming stuff again. And maybe DJ is the best way. Maybe not, but I will try it out once again.

A meaning... as in a way to attach myself to the dream, because dreams have been feeling rather... dull? Maybe some are fun, even meaningful but it's bland. Weekly lucids, but bland. But maybe it's because I'm not giving my dreams the love they deserve? A way to think about it, the dreams, and seeing/recalling them in my mind to impress more of myself, my sensations into dreams, that's what's lacking maybe.

It's been a while though, since I've posted here. twice I had a break from lucid dreaming. Once from a injury, and it just stopped dreams for a while. And another time I was preoccupied with something. But posting on DV was pretty helpful for a very strong recall I think. The fact that someone else might read your DJ and notice every typos and stuff like that is helpful. It's helpful because it forces me to read it over again to edit and that reading over it really help reinforce and strengthen the recall it seems.

3 times? Recalling dreams 3 times a day seems to be a sweet spot to keep recall in a strong state. I will try to do that. I remember my best recall was created by that. I wrote them down in steps:

Jotting- after fully awakening and remembering all dreams, jot them in a few words
Writing- expand and recall the rest of the dreams and write them down in the middle of the day, just type it out real quickly from the notes
Digging- try to dig deeper from the plot before, recalling anything that's been forgotten (also attach meanings to dreams)

I'm just not doing the second and third part of what I used to do as much. But that it was such a good way to improve recall.

And I should honestly begin to do that again. And I will. I'll do all that for a week, till the 23rd.

I should also do a weekly review of dreams or something like that. It's something I wanted to do before but never did. Maybe a weekly or monthly review of things I've written. Doesn't even have to be very long, it can even be just skimming everything in the past week or month, and it would only take 5 minutes to do that right? As I'm typing this, please be convinced. DO IT! FUTURE ME! I BELIEVE IN YOU! DO A WEEKLY REVIEW AND POST IT ON THE 23RD! And maybe even a monthly review. I know, I know... it might be chore, some people may make snide comments about your DJ, but that's ok just for a week, and see how it goes. Just do it for a week, you might actually enjoy it. You can stop it anytime after the week if it sucks. But you know that it'll improve your recall tremendously. Thanks and love you!

What else? WBTB?

Experimented with it. I've tried asking lucid dreaming advices from different people. But they've said it's (experimenting is) bad and that you should stick to one thing. But you know what? I realized you should do what you should do. Everyone needs to experiment and figure out what works for them. And that person's advice just didn't work for me. Maybe they don't experiment because they are lucid all the time, every time now. But I'm pretty sure they've experimented in their years of non lucidity and they've just forgotten about it, about trying out different stuff and figuring it all out.

I've found that spacing out WBTBs in between days like 2 days wbtb 2 day off, or 1 day on 2 day off, sort of thing gave me the maximum consecutive lucid days. Maybe the dream just gives time to refresh your mind and let it rest, or maybe it's because you body adjusts to the wbtb times if you do it too often. And if you just stop it before the body adjusts, you get sort of a maximum effect from wbtb each time. So for me, atleast it seems like the wbtb has a sort of 3 day cool down period? It's just like the 3 stages of DJing, it's like good things come in 3s. I wish I could know if other people have similar experience with wbtbs. Who knows, maybe none of this really matters.

Failure is okay. It's okay to fail really. Failure is the mother of success after all. And if you're so caught up in trying to get everything perfect, just always seeking, seeking for a better way you might not realize that you can just learn from your own mistakes. It's like the wise words, "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." Instead of trying to succeed... just simply be and your best. So that I can notice my own nose because the answer's always right there if I've just paid enough attention to my nose and get lucid from that.

BUT enough of that! I should just DJ. Freakin do the DJ, even though the dream this time was one of the most uninteresting and the shortest I've had in weeks. I've better keep my promise and DJ gracefully starting now.

Dream

I remember in a classroom, in a school of course. I was sitting beside my friend Un, we were sitting on the same large blocky square desks that were shared btween a couple of students. each desk were shared by maybe 2 students and the way that they sat had oriented them in facing towards the blackboard. Or was it a whiteboard? The classroom had a wooden feel to it, actually the desk was wooden yea, yellow. The teacher was a lady. And the class held about 20 people. It was teenagers. So this school was a highschool methinks. I slightly recall smoeone throwing a paper airplane across from the right side of the class, a boy who sat at the top right, where the entrance door, which was long and slender was at. I was near the back of the class, maybe the very back, about center, slightly to the right. I forget what we did though. We weren't studying in the class I think.

So me and Un, we leave the class, presumably after the bell and I just simply follow him. Our classroom was located in the southern part of the schoolm second floor. THe floors were white, off white. It was white but it had black speckles in them, sort of looking like the inside of a dragonfruit. The very edge of the floor in the hallways had sort of a dark goldish frame around it, with a thicker frame about the third the length of a shoe and the inner frame, which was the thickness of a pencil about three times the thickness its distance from the outer frame. The floor had a sort of a rubbery feel, it had a kind of traction to it. Anyways we went down the hallway and to the left, down the stairs and went the office there. I think I've been in this particular school in my dreams about 5 times now? maybe 6 or 7. But Un went into the office through the reception an and grabbed ahold of something and stole it from there. I wasn't sure what it was but we left after he grabbed the item.

I remember it looking like sort of a small rod the size of your hand. It had like a round ball like top connected to like a cylindrical rounded bottom like the bottom of a hairbrush. It was sort of shiny and white in color. Un went into a classrom and used the object and transformed into a child. This class was filled with smaller kids, like elementry. And he was just sort of pulling a prank on the teacher here and pretending he was a student in that class. He did this for a while and I just watched from outside the door. It got boring very fast so I decided to leave him be.

I was leaving and headed the same direction as before and I met Lucy on the way. We just decided to walk together and maybe walk back home together. Her house was the east or the right side direction of the left front entrance, which was at the lower part of the stairs we took before. There was a fruit stand there right before the entrance and I grabbed a hold of a pear there. I ate it and it was pretty ripe, part of it a bit rotten but otherwise very delicious. It was the soft kind of pear that I enjoyed really. I asked Lucy if she wasnted any, maybe one of the apples there, because those kind of looked fresher than the pears? She just had just kind of apathetic look to her for some reason so I just decided to grab an apple for myself. The apple was also a bit overripe and I thought I'd enjoy the pear more.

I had a vision here, of a house about 2-4 kilometers west of here. Inside the house and stuff going on. It was on the first floor of a house, about 3-4 people there. I was there briefly but came back to the same spot now.

Anyways we're headed out the entrance and I tried to ask Lucy what was wrong. She was just so ah humbug and I just didn't want to be near her that much. Then a girl shows up whom I knew from college. She lived to the west side of here and although I lived in the same direction as Lucy, I decided to go home with her instead because Lucy was sort of being a jerk. For the life of me, I can't remember her name. I cans ee her face and remember her beautiful features yet the name just passes me by. M? Muuuh
...

I had a few dreams before that. Scribbles hard to read.

One about a lion lady. I can't even remember now. It was pains, I had real bad shoulder pains and that distracted me pretty badly.

I'm pretty sure the inspiration of this dream came from my mother though. Although she was not in this dream. Seeds of this dream - mother, lion, fortune teller

I think the dream was about a lion who transformed into a lady. I had to fight a lion and the lion i was fighting transformed into a lady. Or it was the other way around, the lady trasformed into a lion.


P.S.

.. It got me thinking though. Does meditation also have the same 3 day thing? To either take a break once in a while or to at least switch the meditation technique every 3 days or so? Because I notice that I stupor and my meditation quality drops? Or maybe it's simply that you get bored of doing the same thing all the time? I don't know. Maybe everything I've written or thought about is trying to come together into a singular idea or concept. Something like trusting your own feelings? I feel like it's sort of connected to concepts skipper had said.

But I need to make it my own. In my own words at the moment. The clearest words that I have to describe it are something like,

Trust your feelings? You get better in doing.


And that thing I've learned in meditation to notice yourself feeling stuff? Like, you don't have to try to do good? Just notice things more and you naturally become good?

Is that meditation in its essence? To bring the unconscious to conscious?

Like... you don't meditate to do something... But you just remove excess thoughts?
... A kind of a 2 step process? One part of it is to learn to focus, and be more aware, just to notice more things. Maybe this part isn't even meditation, but simply the act of concentration. But this helps to sharpen your senses. And the other is the noticing of your thoughts/feelings/senses. The noticing of awareness itself. But the goal maybe isn't even to notice the awareness. But when you notice the awareness, you become better at whatever task you are doing. Because you have less mind chatter going on? And because you are better at this "mind clearing". You become more efficient in your art of concentration. And this art of concentration sharpens your senses. And in turn, you see things more vividly, and when you see things more vividly it's easier to notice something off in your dream? Maybe that's the goal of the dream yoga? And you cycle between different "meditations" like sound and stuff to sharpen each sense to maximum amount and to keep them sharpened.

Is this true? Perhaps, or maybe I'm just sprouting nonsense. But nonetheless it's very interesting to ponder. But note to self - remember to notice yourself pondering.


Well I didn't realize the font color was white since I was in black mode on the browser. When I tried to submit it just had the error and I copy and pasted it and it just turned out strange for some reason, looked completely normal on my dark mode browser though. I hope no one had to endure reading invisible scripts on a white background. Fixed a few typos, pretty sure there's more but oh well.

12th November 2020

Fragment:

Out with H somewhere. It's day time and we're approaching a wooden or metal gate of a farm or ranch of some sort. There is a building on the left of the gate, in the distance there are hills or low mountains and more immediately to our right is a small mounding area. There are some darkly coloured horses here and they eventually get up close to some trees on the mound area and stand up on their hind legs and basically start trying to copulate with the trees, which have some holes at just about the right height.

I don't recall what happened next exactly but I remember noticing the trees had no leaves left at all anymore, but the grass was green-ish and not covered in leaves. The horses later stopped what they were doing I think and turned into dogs instead.

13th November 2020

Fragment:

The dream was focused around a black boy I was trying to help. He must have been no older than eight years of age.

He had no parents? I think he was wanting to get some information about some random guy and the info he wanted was in a hard drive. I suggested we could plug it in at my computer and it would be quicker this way.

But for whatever reason, the drive needed a scart connector. I remember we looked for about three hours (it felt long, but not actually three-hour long) and I couldn't find one of these connectors, only some other old connectors.

I remember starting to feel frustrated after finding a component lead or something. I can't remember what we chose to do at this point but I do recall a computer, with a CRT. In retrospect now, it felt like something like what we had back at home when I was younger.

There's a large gap in my recall here.

At some point it becomes evident or is revealed that there's something mystical about the boy. He was unliving or something. There were dark forces trying to reclaim him, back to their domains. Another recall gap.

Near the end of the dream, a human-like demon is pouring (out of his mouth?) tea bags in front of the boy's feet. Something about these being a representation of the number of times the boy had avoided or cheated death or capture.

The dream was particularly long most of the recall was lost because of having to get ready in the morning and the recall I managed to keep for the initial notes was about an hour old at that point. Would like to edit in some notes at some later point.

I had a dream last night was I was visiting some big city. I do not know what city it was, but it seemed to have landmarks from many big cities I have been in.

At the start of the dream, I was walking on an elevated trail that was like the High Line in New York. As I walked on it, I saw landmarks from many different US Cities. It seem like each time I would look in a different direction, I would see a scene that would make me think it was is a different US city.

After I had walked for a while, I came to a tall glass and steel building that was shaped like a pagoda where the elevated trail converged with other elevated trail and they were all like spokes going out from the pagoda.

I find out the pagoda is a museum and I decide to visit it. I walk around and fine an entrance into it, but a security guard standing by the door tells me that is the exit and points me towards a staircase and tells me I need to go down two levels to get to the entrance. I walk down two levels and then around the building like he told me, but then see there is a line stretching as far as I can see with people waiting to get in the museum. I decide I am not in a mood to wait and I will try coming back another day. I find another staircase and take it back up to the elevated trail I was walking on earlier.

When I get to the trail, I walk around the pagoda and try to figure out which direction I need to go. I walk around the outside of the pagoda a few times trying to remember which of the trails I took. I eventually see a sign pointing the trail to take to get to a mall, and I take that trail since I know my hotel is connected to a mall.

I walk for a while longer and then finally see the mall in the distance. When I get to the mall, there is a narrow black steel bridge with really low railings that connects the trail to the mall. I take my time walking on the bridge because I am worried about slipping and falling off of it. Although the bridge is wide enough for 2 or 3 people to walk on, it feels like I am walking on a tightrope and I am trying to be extra careful so I don’t loose my balance and fall off.

Eventually, I get to the end of the bridge and am in the mall. I find a mall directory and look at it to try to fine my hotel. I find a three hotels on the directory that are connected to this mall, but none are the Westin where I am staying. I see a mall security guard and ask him where the Westin Hotel is because I cannot find it on the directory. He starts laughing and the loudly announces that this is the Downtown Plaza Mall and the Westin is at the Uptown Plaza Mall. He laughs that I must have gotten really turned around and tells me it is about a 5-6 mile walk to get to the Uptown Plaza Mall where the Westin is.

As I walk away from him, a girl who looks to be in her late teens or early twenties approaches me. I am afraid she is going to ask me for money because she looks like she could be homeless with matted blonde hair and torn jeans. She says she overhead that I am trying to get to Uptown Plaza Mall and told me she and her mom are going there once they find their car, and they can give me a ride if I will help her look for the car. Before I have a chance to say yes or no, she calls her mom and tells her she has found a man who will help find the car if they give me a ride to Uptown Plaza. The girl then looks at the directory to try to figure out where they parked the car. In looking at the directory, I notice there are several different garages attached to this mall and the girl doesn’t have a clue which one they parked in. She says she and her mom are just checking all the garages until they find the car. She isn’t even sure which garages her mom is checking and which she is supposed to check.

We go to the closest garage and walk though all of the levels checking every parking spot, but the girl doesn’t see the car in any spaces. We go back into the mall and then find the next closest parking deck and walk though it. When we are on the 6th level, the girl gets really excited and says she has found the car. She then calls her mom and tells her she has found the car on the 6th level on the purple garage. She tells her mom where to find the car when she gets to that level and then says see you soon and hangs up the phone. She then leads me to a rusted tan 1970’s two door Oldsmobile with a cracked vinyl top which is covered with bumper stickers for different progressive causes. When we get to the car, I notice it is full of junk with just spots for the girl and her mother to sit. While the girl is trying to clear a spot for me by tossing stuff in the middle of the front seat to the back seat, I tell her that for the ride, but I can just walk so she doesn’t have to go through all of this trouble of making a spot for me in the car. She gets really offended and takes a break from cleaning out a space to ask if I am embarrassed to ride in the car. I tell her no, that I just hate for her to go through all of this trouble. She says it is no trouble and then goes back to cleaning junk of the tan vinyl bench seat.

When she finally has the front seat clean, she tells me to get in and points to the middle seat. She says she wants her mom to get to talk to me some and that she knows her mom will like me. I get in the car and scoot over to the middle seat and then she gets in the passenger seat and closes the door.

We then sit and wait in the car for a really long time for her mom. She call once and has gone to the wrong garage. We wait a while longer and then her mom calls again and again cannot find the car because she has gone to the wrong garage. After another long wait, her phone rings again and again her mom has gone to the wrong garage. This time the girl gets out of the car and I can hear her giving her mom landmarks to help her find the right garage. While the girl is out talking to her mom, I decide we are never leaving the garage and decide to go back to the mall and get an uber back to my hotel. When the girl gets off the phone, I tell her and she gets really offended and again thinks I am embarrassed to ride in their car and promises her mom will be to the car soon. I reluctantly get back into the middle seat and wait in the car with the girl. Her phone rings again, and I hear her tell her mom we are on the 6th level of the purple garage, not the green garage. We wait a while longer and then her phone rings again and I hear her tell her mom we are on the 6th level, not the 5th level. She tells me here mom is in the right garage and should be here any minute.

Soon a big disheveled woman with bleach blonde hair is opening the driver side door and sitting down in the driver seat. At first she seems oblivious that I am sitting next to her in the car and keeps ranting to her daughter about how hard it was to find the car. When she finally stops ranting, her daughter introduces her to me and reminder her they are giving me a ride to the Westin. I can tell this woman is bat shit crazy based on our brief conversation.

Eventually, the woman puts the key in the ignition and tries to start the car. After several cranks, I ask if the car is going to start and she tells me not to worry that it is always a process getting the car to start. While the woman keeps pumping the accelerator and turning the key without any success, I whisper to the daughter that I will just take an uber and ask her to let me out. She again gets really offended and tells me her mom will get the car started but it can take a while sometimes.

While I continue to sit between them while the mother keeps pumping on the accelerator and turning the key, I see her look down at my feet and then loudly tell me that she thinks I stepped in shit. I ask her or the daughter to let me out to clean my shoe, but they both tell me I can just clean it when I get there that they are not worried about their car being clean and that she wants to be able to go as soon as the car starts. I didn’t seem to bother either of them that I was sitting between them with shit on my shoe an I was stuck just sitting there with the shit on my shoe.

I work up from this dream still sitting between the woman and her daughter in the front seat of their old car in the parking deck and the woman trying to start the car but having no luck. I kind of felt like I was in the Sinefeld parking garage episode at the end of the dream because the car was hard to find and then wouldn’t start.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA/AP

I am in the mountains, heading to some camp with lots of kids. Zilla is there too and she organized a paper-chase game for the kids, inspired in Harry Potter and they are quite entertained following clues through paths in the mountains. But this is like a refugee camp, not a summer camp and we are on the move, running away from something dangerous.
I get a surprise visit by Nighthawk and I am so happy to see him. We sit at the entrance of a tent and as we talk, we lean towards each other and I can't resist to kiss him. Then we embrace each other passionately. Things are heating up so we head inside. But then some bad guys with guns invade the camp and we all try to run to safer places, unsuccessfully. They've surrounded us and they snatch a kid and kill him. They say they'll keep coming and kill us all one by one. Then they leave and we all start mourning. I sob in deep despair. I wake up from the dream because of my crying, I feel like I am sobbing in RL. But instead of really waking up, I go through a false awakening and end up in the astral plane. I am in the bed at my room in the attic, it is dark and something is off. I sense dark presences and I start hearing a baby crying. It's disturbing and it doesn't stop. I get up and sit on the bed as I hear steps of someone coming. I hope it is Riverstone, so I call for him but I get no response. As I start feeling sheer terror, I start yelling as loud as I can, trying to be heard in RL or wake myself up. I realize no sound is actually coming out of my mouth in my RL body. I freak out for a bit because I feel trapped and unable to communicate or get out. Until I decide to calm down and ignore the fear and the baby crying. I slowly wake up.


I am at my mom's with Riverstone, looking for some bird cages with different sizes that I know she has in the attic. We use it sometimes for rescue birds. I am shocked to find one tiny cage that only fits one bird standing, which has a parakeet inside. I can't understand how that is possible at all. These cages have been stored for at least a year. I rush to give water and a bit of kiwi to the poor bird and I can sense he is desperate. I can't wait to let him fly free in the room a little bit. He first falls on the bed as he is very weak but then manages to fly to the window and grab the metal frame of the window. I go get him to put him in a larger cage with food and water so he can recover, but he panics thinking I am going to trap him again in the tiny one. I also can feel all his bones and it is so afflictive.

I am investigating something with my friend. It is unclear what we are trying to figure out. This is in my old house before the remodel. It turns out I fell someone has been in the house when I am not there. He points out to me and my family bleach residue in both showers, Somehow this is evidence. No one has used bleach in the showers. He finds a bag of some sort of pellets that must be cleaning products. I do not recognize it. My adult son says it must have been (some women's name). I find out that while I go away working my wife has had a women and her child living in my house and eating out food. I am angry. Why am I supporting strangers. Why are they hiding this? My wife gets emotional and admits she has been having an afair with the women, but emphasizes only up to a point, unlike me when I did something with some Asian women (no relation to real life.) I wake up at this point angry and confused.

I had to defend someone against their angry abusive father. I fought him and tied him to a chair. For some reason I felt I had to stab him in the hand and leg so he would have trouble chasing us. The scene changes and I and others are crowded in a truck. My uncle is there. He is insisting his niece come out from a party. It is a dead end road. Her twin sister is there. She comes out from the party and is in a nice dress, He orders her into the bed of the truck. I object and let her have my seat and I climb into the truck bed. We start to pull out and I realize my car is parked there in the middle of the road. I try to get the driver to stop so I can move it. I realize it must be broken down. I am worried it will get hit or towed. Then I am in some farm building and the police have come to arrest me and the girl for stabbing her fathers hand. I can not remember what else happened. I am just wanting to journal a few dreams to get my recall engaged again. This was all totally non-lucid.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA/AP

With mom, going to the post office in what seems to be Lisbon. We cross a pedestrian crossing and I realize everyone is wearing mask but us. She starts to go inside the post office and I tell her we're not allowed inside without it, so better to cover the face with our shirts or something. Then some old lady comes to us in great distress, says something faintly to my mom and falls in her arms. My mom does the Heimmlich maneuver to her a number of times unsuccessfully. She says "maybe my daughter can do it, she is stronger, I can't continue". I do try a bunch of times, but the lady is losing conscience slowly and I am not getting any results. I give up and the post office workers say they are calling paramedics. I am upset only now they think about it. She is dead before they arrive, my mom is inconsolable, recalls the times she successfully saved grandma and other people with this maneuver. I reply maybe whatever was choking this lady was too far deep her throat and there was nothing we could do.
She goes home and I stay in the city. I go have a coffee at a bar, a really cozy place. I sit at a table by the window, sipping my coffee and writing down notes on a notebook, when I notice a guy in a table in front of me, listening to music and uttering the lyrics to himself. When he sees me looking, he thinks I am interested, so he starts flirting and singing the lyrics audibly. The song is very flirty too, so I get what he is doing, I find it really cheesy. I ignore him. But he keeps doing it and then he engages directly in conversation, asking me out. I reply coldly that I am not interested and he reacts like typically guys like him do: he can't understand why I possibly wouldn't want to go out with him and he insists and says I will eventually come around and realize what I am losing. I go outside, but I see a couple guys I know going his way, so I wait behind the door to hear what they have to say. One of them tells him I am tough to get, that they to have a crush on me and have been trying to get something from me since ever but we just have a cordial amity. They tell him from where I am, in case he wants to find me more often. I resent they did that, but at least they didn't give him my exact address.
I go away and by chance I find Tania sitting at a booth outside some nearby building, where I guess there will be some kind of event and she is checking people in. She is distracted with something and I touch something that is on the counter, like leaflets or tickets, trying to get some more info about what she is up to, and that's when she notices me. She is glad to see me, doesn't tell me what it is she is doing there, but she has a laptop or small tv screen playing black and white movie and she invites me to watch a Charlie Chaplin movie with her there. I tell her I am not so much in the mood.

I'm in Håkanssons old TV-room where Diego lives now. It's like before Diego moved in. I'm sitting on the bed under the TV, Therese is sitting on the couch in front of me and William is sitting on the couch to my left. I watch out a window behind William. It's only plain grass and a demolition machine with a wrecking ball about 300 meters from here. It starts to swing the wrecking ball and the chain that hold it is really long. It comes against us and I start to panick. The wrecking ball destroys the wall where William was next to. William and Therese are calm. Peter comes and I know that it was he who used the machine. William and Therese have full confidnece in him. The wall where Therese was is also destroyed. William equips working clothes and starts to put up temporary fences around the house. I walk out and inspect the fence. I look at some cords that are holding the fence together and see how they tangle themselves up in some roots in the ground. I try to fix them.

Notes: Dad and I tried to call William yesterday.

I'm at a party and those who party have bad energy. They are dressed as different Batman characters such as Batman, Joker and Harley Quinn. There is a pillar where someone is tied up. It is maybe me but I'm not certain. Some of them punch the tied man and the person dressed as Harley is doing some kind of dance against the tied man.

Notes: I looked at a batman game some days ago.

I'm about to play table tennis but my racket is wrongly designed. The table tennis rubber and the layer under the table tennis rubber have changed places with each other. The racket feels heavy and I am about to rip the upper layer off. My mom is behind me and urge me not to destroy the racket. I tell her that I'm about to fix it and she is okey with me fixing it now. I rip it of and I feel how light and good it feels now. The rubber has a lot of spinn in it. There are some people next to me who are playing against a wall. I feel how heavy their rackets are even though I don't hold them. I could be one of them too.

Notes: My life just got much easier and this dream symbolises how I am the one responsible for my well being.

non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

Driving through the mountains at night, I see some rocks on fire. First I don't know what it is and then it occurs to me someone is trying to set the woods on fire. I go back to try to do something about it. I arrive at a crossroad I hadn't seen before and almost crash with a group of ladies walking from a nearby village. They are aware of the fire. They tell me it is some guy's revenge, trying to set fire to another guy's land. Fortunately the fire is put out by the villagers.

Sleeping at my mom's, sharing her bed with a bunch of kids, who look like my cousins when they were young and also some toddlers I don't know.

Have lunch with my grandpa. We bake tofu and potatos in the oven, enough for several meals or some more people, but granpda is eating like a hungry hippo and soon there is no food left. I get up to go to the kitchen to get something else, but somehow I end up at Axman's restaurant. He has friends over and he talks and talks. I get very sleepy sitting on his couch while I wait to get his attention. I decide to get out of there and catch some air. Find a bunch of kids from a school or after school activities, playing in a yard and I join them with curiosity for what they are doing. They are selecting toys to play and I fix a few toys and board games that had missing parts and defects. Then find a kid interested in a 3D chess kind of game and I suggest we play it. But it takes 4 people. I see 2 other older girls sitting and invite them over. I am supposed to find a table for us which to sit, but I have to walk a long walk until I find one, almost a block away, outside some kind of canteen or cafeteria. There are people in other tables discussing if people should get free housing and support if they have no money or if should be given money instead. A server comes with a large cake, asks if I want it. I say sure, but I need to go get 3 other friends to join me.

At some foreign country, I think eastern Europe, with some friends. I go shopping with them at a supermarket. I didn't pick up a basket at the entrance, so I am putting on the cashier's counter the food I already picked while I am desperately looking for breakfast cereals. The cashier gets mad at me and pressures me to either pay or just take things out of there. I finally give up and pay what I bought. My friends then take me to some alternative collective where movies are being screened on some warehouse. They tell me it is a Portuguese expats association, all nice people and with a good cultural program. But we don't stay. Outside they talk with a couple guys sitting on chairs welcoming the movie goers. I spot an annex open and filled with bags of cat food. They explain they have a resident cat colony and show me where they feed them in a back alley. But I only see one cat there at the moment.

I meet Riverstone on my way to the train station. We are kidnapped by some mafia guys and taken to a palace behind the train station, where they intend to torture and question us for some reason. But there is an earthquake or some other building just collapsed and we escape in the middle of the chaos. I am half naked as they ripped my clothes. We go through secondary alleys and we hide from people, until we finally get on the train and escape.

My uncles and cousins are coming to my house, which is quite different from reality. It is also rustic but has smaller rooms, more floors and is stuck in some old town in Scotland. First to arrive are my cousins João and Sara and I show them the kitchen and storage room, placed around an old furnace. My mom joins us then. She is excited, brings a dog and says there is another one just as cute and playful, but doesn't explain where they come from. Then my uncles also arrive and my mom goes away without a warning. I follow her, trying to figure where she is going and the rest of the family follows suit. She was just going to a pub nearby to get some fancy liquors to serve to the family members, but now we are all there with her, so we decide to just get some drinks right there. A police officer that was at the door warns us we are too many and not wearing masks and therefore we are breaking the rules. I get a mask from my pocket and I suggest my family they do it to, but nobody cares. I then spot a group of people I know, all dressed up like in the 20s. They are sitting in some sofas by a large window with an iron frame. Outside is snowing, looks postcard perfect and I join them. Realize that I don't match their outfits, as I am in my large boots and sweater. But they actually save the center seat for me and welcome me.