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I dreamed I lived in an apartment in a high rise, but still had the same roommates. The apartment was very dark the whole time, and the entire dream was oddly colorless. I wasn't feeling well, so my roommate offered me a smoke. We smoked out on the balcony for few minutes.

The apartment had several balconies that I recall, and one had a couch on it. I got my blanket and pillow and went to sleep on the couch. While I was sleeping, my roommate walked up to the couch chanting "murder or torture"... I pretended to stay asleep, hoping she was just messing with me but not sure. I very vividly felt something rustling the comforter. Finally I gave in to the anxiety and opened my eyes. When I opened my eyes in the dream, I opened them in real life and woke up.

Since this is a common problem I have with accidentally ending lucids, I believe I subconsciously knew it would end the nightmare. The waking was quite abrupt, though, and I was confused for a few moments. The anxiety was immediately gone as soon as I woke up, however.

I took 100 Mg b6 and 1000 Mg taurine prebed and fell asleep around 10pm

At 12:13am I woke from a lucid but was so sleepy I only entered this in DJ

"Lycid. At least.sotbingto those am ppl"

Unfortunately I have no idea what that means. I do remember an indescribable blurred image the lucid feel. I was pleased with myself but failed to commit the dream to memory. Those early REM LDs get me all the time.

At 3:19 AM I finally forced my self to do a quick WBTB.

I recall a fragment of carrying my son on my shoulders through some over grown grassy field. We reach the top of a hill and I see a run down Family video. We go inside and make some purchases.

I didn't have time to make mugwort tea since I had to get up a 5 today. I figured the effect wouldn't have time to kick in with enough dream time left over. Maybe I was overly worried. So, on a whim, I took 300mg DMAE + 200 mg B6. I recalled no other dreams though I did make several DEILD attempts all to no avail.

I was inn some sort of casino or strip club, it was very exclusive. I was already drunk after playing poker and so I booked a room, put some cash in my pocket and then left the rest and my card in my room, there were 4 of us, 2 girls and 2 boys, I don't recall who. One of the girls was making out with another girl and so not to be outdone, the other girl in our party whispered a proposition to the waitress who nodded in agreement, she then proceeded to dip her fingers in her drink, put her hand up the waitresses dress and started to pleasure her, everyone was so shocked that the room fell silent as we all watched as she brought her to orgasm. I lost my room key and when I approached the manager, he offered no assistance, stating that I could just say I had a room, even though I'd signed a register and the 3 others iin my group also had rooms.

Scene change.
I'm walking down a riverside and as I observe, I see a large dark shape moving beneath the surface, I considered altering my course but it disappeared and so I continued on, I then thought that if I stood on a wasps nest and had to jump in the water, I'd maybe have that to deal with then, so I was at a loss as to what to do. I also thought that if I jumped in the water, the wasps would just attack Joy, even though she wasn't there and I'd have to climb out again to rescue her. I woke up to Joy asking me "Do you want one of these snickers?" She stated she never spoke, I was starving and so I went downstairs for a bowl of cereal.

Scene change.
I was in a snooker hall or at least some place that had a number of snooker tables, I was waiting for a game, Matty Walker was there and we were eating curry, hot curry. When a table became free and I started to get the balls out, I noticed that they were all brown, I went round the other tables and collected all the right balls for a game.

Scene change.
Joy and I were jogging (yeah right) along a sloping path with a high drop to one side, I'd decided that when it was low enough, I was going to jump down and get a lead on her, as soon as this occurred to me, Joy jumped down, it was way too high and she landed awkwardly on her ankle and fell, she didn't yell out or cry (yeah right), but she said "I think I've twisted my ankle. I told her to pull up her tracksuit leg and her bone was literally sticking out of her leg.

Spoiler for Broken ankle:

Similar to this, but higher up...!

She then proceeded to wiggle it about with her hand saying "Do you think it's broke?" I woke up proper.

On a side note, I've just noticed how my recall is getting better...!

Nonlucid where my family and Robin Williams' family hit it off. We just happened to all be eating at the same restaurant, and someone introduced us. So he told a bunch of funny stories as we laughed (wish I could remember the stories!) Somehow, by the end of dinner, I volunteered to watch Robin's new baby (he had a new, much younger wife, and they had just had a baby I guess). Was supposed to be for like, 1 hour 2 times a week, while she went to the spa.

Somehow, I managed to wrestle Tiffany from work to team up with me on this. Only other scene I remember, is that Mrs. Williams had this really elaborate diaper genie that Tiffany decided to take apart and clean thoroughly. As she put it back together, there was a little plastic grommet leftover. She said "Shit, I don't know where this goes." And she just left it in the sink. I think it actually got thrown away. Anyway later on, Tiffany was helping the Mrs. with changing the baby. Tiffany suddenly ran up to me saying, "Oh shit I think we need that grommet! She said the genie isn't working right." I looked everywhere for that grommet but couldn't find it. So I went to tell the Mrs., and she was standing over the genie, which was whirring and smoking lol. I just said, "Ma'am, we can't find the grommet anywhere, so I'm taking the liberty of calling the company who made it, and either get a replacement grommet, or perhaps they can just replace the whole motor and I'll pay for it." (Note: I had a diaper genie for Chris when he was a baby, and there were no "parts" or motors to it, but this thing that Mrs. Williams had was like some kind of steam punk contraption from hell.) I told her that Danny would be home from work, and he could probably rig the thing up for now so it can at least function minimally until the new parts come in. She seemed happy with this. And laughing at the smoke for some reason, something like how it reminded her of a fart? Well, steam coming from a dirty diaper receptacle, fair enough.

Oh the Williams' ...

And as per usual, that's about as much as Tiffany contributes at work irl whenever there's a problem. She cusses and then backs away from an issue, and I go immediately for solutions.

Another short LD I had on my vacation:

Again, I was tossing and turning alot in the hotel bed. One time when I drifted off, I began dreaming that I was walking down the back hallway at work. Fortunately it's a long hallway irl, so I guess that gave me just enough time to think, "Hey, I was just in my hotel bed not 4 seconds ago!" So that got me lucid, and decided to wreck the store (didn't even think of any pre-thought-out goals or TOTMs, I just wanted to wreck stuff). I found a small square board with wheels (imagine a skateboard, only square in stead of elongated). So I sat on it, and rolled down the hallway, knocking things off all the storage shelves on both sides with my hands as I went down the hall haha.

Then I turned and went out the side door that leads to the floor. I started knocking down a display of glass juice bottles, when the store leader, Carmen, walked up to me. I stood up from my little vehicle, and decided I would finally give her a piece of my mind concerning the stupidity occurring in the bakery. As soon as I was upright, my vision got blurry ONLY where Carmen was standing. I could hear her voice, but couldn't see her. Before I even had much chance to be annoyed by this, I woke up.

This LD was so quick, that I didn't even remember it at first when I woke up for good that morning.

I'm in the underground floors of a building that's like a cross between my apartment building and a very large hospital. I'm in a room with a single metal bed without a mattress, a metal tray next to it and a semi- transparent curtain to go around it. It's quite dark, like the ground outside if the sun is high enough to light the sky but not the ground.
There are pills spilled all over the floor. I kneel down and start to pick them up and put them in a plastic bag I seem to have pulled out of nowhere because I recognize some of them as oxycodone, and I love oxycodone.
I've filled the bag about halfway when a dog comes in, it's like a spitz type dog. It has strange eyes though, they're like cat's eyes. It walks casually towards me and just looks at me. I shoo it away assertively and then it's eyes changed. They went from little slits to really wide, dilated. They turned red. And the dog started talking.
"Argh, now you've done it."
Then it started to attack me. And my alarm went off and i woke up.

It was 7 o'clock so I still had a while 'til I had to be anywhere. I turned off my alarm and went right back to sleep.

I went right back into the same dream. Except now I was on the ground floor. It looked less like a hospital and more like my apartment building now. There were people everywhere.
I still had my big bag of pills so I decided to go to my apartment and see what I had. I walked to the stairs but they had collapsed. I stood there thinking about what to do next if I couldn't get to my room when a woman comes in, she has eyes just like the dog from before. She doesn't look at me she just walks to the edge of where the stairs have broken and looks up. It reminded me of bad AI in a video game, she couldn't get where she wanted to be so she just stood there not doing anything, it was kind of creepy. Eventually she turns around and starts to leave, but she brushes against me on the way and suddenly she snaps her head around to look at me and her eyes dilated and went red. I knew she was going to attack me so I quickly grabbed her around the neck, here I noticed that her skin was all grey. I thought to myself, I don't really want to do this but I have to anyway. And I twisted her head around quickly until her neck went snap.

The dream skipped forward to me on the top floor, there was one of the cat eyed people talking to me. A middle aged man this time. I don't remember what he said but I feel as though it was something meaningful. His eyes went red and I again snapped his neck. I dragged his body through the crowds of people up here to the top of one of the skylights, underneath the skylights were the staircases that went down a fair way. I threw the body through the glass.

The dream skips forward again, there's a bunch of people surrounding the skylight and my little brother is sitting on it, I'm not really too worried about this, I'm more worried that there's other cat-eyes out there who will attack people. I tell everyone to not annoy anyone who has cat eyes but they don't listen to me. Then I see one of the cat eyed people walking through the crowd. It's another woman. She's walking straight toward my brother. She steps onto the glass and I go to stop her but I realise that there's a lot of weight on that glass now, the glass that my brother is on. I can't do anything without risking him falling down. i just have to hope for the best.

She nudges my brother with her leg and her eyes change. She stops and turns around to face my brother. Then the glass breaks and she falls down. but my brother quickly moves to the edge and is safe. Then my alarm goes off again and I get ready to go to my course.

I forgot most of this dream already, but I remember getting a key that would allow me to telecommute in a new job.

I will choose to interpret this as my subconscious giving me the key to success in the job search: you can do it!

It's weird. After I started writing in this, I began to forget my dreams, rather than remembering them.

Part I: The Sinking Ship

I was at some sort of dock with a bunch of my friends and classmates I had met in previous years. I didn't really remember why we were there, but I could only assume it was a field trip or something of the sort. Still, as we waited at the docks, we soon saw a ship come in to port. It was a yacht, essentially, though it was still a bit small. Nonetheless, it could fit all the students as well as a few chaperons.

It was night, a lot of stars out as I idly chatted with some of the boat goers. It seemed almost peaceful, and we had no destination. We were doing just fine, until suddenly, the ship hit something. Something... invisible. Yes, we were now going to sink right into the dark, cold ocean.

The boat was beginning to submerge, I was near my brother, sliding down the sloped surface of the wooden floor, and as the ship peaked upwards, I look to my brother and said "Now we have submerged." and right after that, the ship fell under the water, which woke me up.

Part II: The Blood-Thirsty Doctor

After the whole ship incident, it seemed as though we never hit anything, and the ship was not only fully repaired and functional, but also even bigger than it was before. Now, the ship had about three floors. I went up to the captain's deck with a few other people, and we idly talked again, though out of complete nowhere, a girl with a white t-shirt and black underwear came in with a shotgun, shooting for no reason.

I pulled up a table and flipped it over, hiding behind it and dodging most of the shots, though eventually a few bullets got into my leg. The pain that came from that felt like a really bad cramp, which was more just uncomfortable than it was painful, but it was strange how it worked like that. The shooter disappeared, and I was soon in a hospital-like room, laying on a bed as a nurse came by. She gave me a few shots, which coincidentally numbed the pain a bit. The pain didn't just go away, I literally couldn't feel my legs! After that though, she just went crazy, stabbing me with the same syringe like she was brutally stabbing me with a knife. I didn't feel any of it, but I could hear the beeping from the Heart-Rate Monitor starting to beep faster and faster, my vitals dropping rather quickly, and the pain starting to come back. As I began to flat-line, I slowly woke up, until I was fully awake, as if my death had awoken me.

Notes:

I knew a lot of my classmates on the ship.
The water didn't feel like anything when we fell in it.
That pain was truly a bit of a shocker when I woke up, because I really did have bad leg-cramps in the morning.

Interpretation:

I've been rather social as of late. Perhaps, I'm being warned that I should expect the unexpected from people.

April 6, 2013 - 4.5 hours in - 2 minutes - WBTB, FA, RC

I set a WILD alarm every 30 minutes starting 3.5 hours in, and the first time I got up to drink water and use the bathroom, and each time the alarm went off I would FILD for a little, then did a reality check and was awake, and fell asleep quickly thereafter.

I forget the early lucid part of this dream, but I don't think much happened.

I am laying in bed and I plug my nose and I can inhale and realize I am in a dream. As I reminded myself to do previously next time I am in a lucid dream, I don't hurry out of bed but rub my hands together and move slowly. I don't open my eyes, but wait for visuals to appear, which they do, despite not really feeling like my eyes are open. The lighting throughout the dream is low, like a room in the early morning with the blinds closed.

Once out of bed, I run right through a wall next to the door, which is on the wall perpendicular to the wall it is on in reality. I pass through like it doesn't even exist. On the other side is an identical wall a few feet away, which keeps repeating each time I pass through, although with a slight variation in how far away the next wall is. While doing this I remember that this was one of my goals for my next lucid dream, so I do it a couple more times.

I then move on to my other main goal, of falling backwards, and then instead of passing through a wall again, I turn to the right a little into what seems like an empty room, but I don't look around. I let myself fall backwards, which I do until I hit the carpeted floor (like my bedroom which I started in) and stop suddenly. It doesn't hurt at all, but I 'wake up' in bed.

I think it likely to be a false awakening and I plug my nose and can inhale. I leave my bedroom and am heading up the basement stairs for some reason. I am looking at my phone and it has only the background of the home screen, which shows a clear sky at night, much like it would be in reality. I go towards the kitchen and decide to look at the phone more, since I accomplished my goals. Now it looks like reality with all the icons. I look for Angry Birds, so I press the "Apps" button, which gives me four evenly spaced icons, each one having to do with Angry Birds. During this time I remember not to stare at one spot for too long, so as not to cause waking up. One icon is called "Toss" and I select it.

Unfortunately, at this point my WILD alarm goes off again, ending the dream. This is very disappointing, but I am happy I accomplished my goals with time to spare to goof off.

04/07/13

Concert in the Sky
I am in a wide green field of grass, entering into my dream through a WILD using my hypnosis program. I open my eyes and look around to see that I am alone there, which actually surprises me. I had expected to see Templars all around me, as seems to be the pattern lately. I walk across the field, enjoying the pleasant scenery. Then I see I am not alone after all. There is a single Templar there with me, though he seems to be keeping his distance. He has his hands out in a gesture that suggests he is not here to fight. I am feeling calm and peaceful, also not inclined to attack. He gets a little closer and says he just wants to talk to me for a minute. I figure that can't hurt, even if I want to tell him where to shove it… so I tell him to go ahead. He says something was discovered about the artifacts I have stolen, something that I definitely need to know about, especially since I am refusing to return them. He is about to say something else when a portal opens and a large feline creature with huge talons comes through and literally cuts him in half before he can even register what is about to happen. The cat then comes over to me and pounces on me in a more playful manner, licking my face like a huge dog before transforming into Nomad. I tell Nomad that I was talking to that guy he just cut in half… he says everything the Templars say is poison to the mind, toxins I don't need to be absorbing. I wonder what the Templar had been intending to tell me about the orbs… Nomad says we need to go to the moon, he opens a portal and we go through. On the other side of the portal we are in the tower on the moon, in the main control room. The display is showing the Earth, a full Earth enlarged to fill the entire screen. Nomad says he has programmed the tower to emit a beacon to signal all dreamers to come to the moon and become lucid. He pushes a button and a spotlight of white light shines over the entire planet, shining like a beacon. He says we can use our ships and broadcast a healing spell on the planet now, see about breaking the mind control the Templars are trying to establish. I teleport outside into my Fire Valkyrie, he launches in his space ship, and we head down to the planet. I fly low over some cities while broadcasting the song Liberate by Disturbed. "Liberate you minds!" I play the song repeatedly while flying from city to city, repeating the song several times. "… take away all the hatred that darkens the light in your eye…" should have the effect of eliminating some of the excessive negative energy and hate that seems dominant in the world. I continue flying over the planet from large city to large city, broadcasting the song everywhere I go, until I wake up.

Shadows of Yesterday
I am in a building that looks a lot like the school I used to go to. I am in a hallway that ends in a locked door. My ex-boyfriend, James, is sitting on the floor sorting through a bunch of papers. There are other people there, too. I recognize them as Alicia, Tigress, and Tina, who is the woman James left me for. I wonder what they're doing there. I try to ignore James and Tina, wishing one of my boyfriends was with me. If only I was dreaming… but maybe I am! I do a reality check and find I can breathe with my nose pinched. I want someone there with me. James and Tina are kissing. I really don't want to be alone. I find myself getting angry at being the one cast out on my own while two people who had claimed to be my friends still have each other. I am getting angry at having been used and tossed aside like yesterday's trash… I also don't want to have to watch the display. I go over towards them and tell them to cut it out, go get a room already. I step on a couple of the papers James had been sorting through. He gets mad at that and starts yelling at me about me being clumsy and thoughtless, and what am I so angry about anyway? My first thought is to try to wipe the dirt off of the paper I stepped on, but I am too annoyed for that, and this is just a dream. I seriously doubt that I am really looking at James and Tina, most likely just DC's created by my mind. I push him up against a wall and tell him that is normal for me now, I am angry all the time, I am getting quite pissed off and I tell him it's all because of him. Someone comes up behind me and puts his arms around me, a voice behind me with a British accent tells me that the git can only hurt me if I continue to let him. It's Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He says he doubts James ever thinks about me, and I should do the same thing. The James DC asks Spike who he thinks he's calling a git. Spike very calmly states that James is a git for throwing away someone like me, then he proceeds to turn me towards him and kiss me right on the mouth. It is a passionate kiss I wish could go on forever, but as dreams have a way of doing, this one ended just when things were starting to get really hot. I wake up in a fit of coughing due to my extremely annoying cold!

Snow in the Desert
I am in the deserts of what looks like Egypt. I am not sure why I think that is where I am, but I am sure of it. I look around and see nothing but desert as far as the eye can see. I walk for a short while, but that is tiring. If only this was a dream I could fly. On the off chance I am dreaming I pinch my nose and find I can still breathe. I hadn't expected that to work, I am really dreaming! I take off and fly into the sky. I see the desert far below and a strip of green running through it, that is the Nile. I decide to fly over the Nile as I do in the beginning of my one hypnosis program. I figured it would be a good chance to complete a Task of the Year since that hypnosis program ends up with me at the pyramids of Egypt. I fly over to the river and dive down, enjoying the ability to fly. I reach down and touch the clear water before flying up again. I come down near the beaches then I notice something is weird. The white stuff I am looking at isn't sand… it's snow! Snow in the desert? That doesn't make any sense… it's nowhere near cold enough to have snow. I land to take a closer look and I find I have landed right by a road. Just to see if it is real I build a small snowman. I leave the snowman sitting on the side of the road for any travelers to see. It doesn't seem to be melting in spite of the desert heat. This reinforces the fact that I am dreaming, but it also pushes thoughts of the Pyramids of Egypt from my mind. (Fail!) I walk down the road for a while longer when a car catches up and stops near me. It's my mother driving a big SUV. She says I shouldn't be out in the cold… though it really isn't cold at all. I get in the car and we drive a while farther to a lodge, where we go inside. I am trying to remember my dream goals, but I feel like I am going to cough. I start coughing and wake myself up.

Dream recall from today's nap, had a bit of trouble not being able to fall asleep, but when i did still managed to get lucid.

Dream 1:

I wake up and get up from my bed because of some weird noise then i realize that headphones are on me, and i take them off, can still hear binaural beats, confirming that i am dreaming, i look around and the room is once again an almost exact replica of my room from waking life, dream fades out and i wake up.
I decide to DEILD from there, but i failed.

Dream 2(fragments):
I was at home, but then i went to some kind of cave, searching for something. Then i was back at home again and i was trying to figure out why i was still listening to binaural beats, but dream faded out before i could take off headphones.

I am unconscious inside some building,but am aware of whats going on in the building. Various people with powers are being captured and held here. I awaken (inside the dream) when an alarm goes off. Armed guards are in the halls, and it seems a breakout is in progress. I see a downed guard and take his gun. I am in a narrow hallway, with dim lighting, no windows, and doors down all the sides. I see a guard and take him out. 2 more come down the hallway. I begin firing and they fire back, so I jump into cover.

I continue to shoot at them, but run out of ammo. Luckily for me, 2 more escapees come and take them out,and throw me 2 guns. I take the pump action shotgun and go downstairs with them.I see many of guards, so I begin shooting and running,through a gym of some sort and outside. The other 2 escapees,a girl and a guy, have a black SUV and beckon to me. I get in. We take off, but soon there are 3 police cars after us. (It's night)

They try to get us to stop, but I discover my power. Electricity. First I just throw some at their car, which does nothing. Then I create a Small ball and guide it into there engine, which fries some wiring and stops them. More police cars keep coming, so we turn into a tunnel. There is a semi in the way, which we go around, but find a police blockade on the other side. We're forced out of our vehicle, but they dont approach us. Ibegin to slowly gather electricity in my hands. They dont notice, because the guy I'm with pulls out a jar that he claims is full of a deadly plague.

He threatens them to back down or he'll release it. After a bit of debate they agree, but insist on leaving one guy behind to check the jar. WE agree and they leave. I now have a large ball of energy in my hands and nothing to do with it, but I hold onto it. We sit and talk for awhile when a sniper shoots into our spot, killing some guy I didn't know was there. More shots ring out and we get into cover. I seems they broke there end of the bargain and set up gunners on a building across the way. We also here over a radio in one of there cars that there sending in a super strong power wielder.

I use my built up electricity and swing my arm, shooting it off in a crescent at the shooters. It takes out most off the building and the shots stop. We then gather and go out a back window, fleeing the location. A lion stays behind to hold off the power wielder.

Dream 1(fragment):

I recall being in some kind of futuristic vehicle and then visiting some kind of a base.

Dream 2(fragments):

I was in team of villains and we were doing some stuff and i had some type of ability, we had an hideout and there was some kind of mechanism, but it was not working anymore. Then something went wrong and i was kicked off the team.
Then i was in some video game, that was some first person shooter with guns, but later it transformed into an RTS. It looked like an combination of Warcraft 3 and Starcraft, there were units and buildings from both. The mission was to protect the base, but most of the attackers were SCVs for whatever reason, though they were rather powerful SCVs. Marines were defending the base and there were bunkers too, some mages were supporting them and workers were building more buildings. I was controlling some special builder that was technically helping the base, but he had other plans and the objective was to not let anyone discover that it's special builder till certain point in the game. Enemy units were becoming more powerful with time and base was getting more buildings with more powerful units too, but in the end, very massive dark thing arrived at the mountain to the north. That was the time to use special abilities of builder, i morphed him into 'living' building and started made a special unit. As it was ready video game switched back to first person and i was controlling that unit. Game got to the point where there was mass of the buildings that were spawning black dragons to attack that huge enemy, but there was not much success until i attacked it with my unit. The size of that enemy was so huge that it was bigger than the whole base, he was attacking using dark energy projectiles but he ended up destroying units on his side as i was dodging them with my unit, making me laugh. Then i started throwing series of huge fireballs at him, that were so powerful, they were knocking him back! In the end, the enemy was destroyed. And dream skipped.
Can't recall much after that but there i was in tunnels and there was some problem for which i had to hire a lawyer apparently.

In the nighttime we have confusion in our
dreams; in daytime we have confusion with our mind—judging, thinking, creating many things. This
is how we pass our life. Being aware or continuing our awareness in dreamtime means maintaining
the same awareness we have during the daytime. If we have no capacity to be in the state of Rigpa,
the state of real knowledge, in the daytime with practice of contemplation, we cannot have it in the
nighttime either. It is the same principle. If we have at least this knowledge of Rigpa in the daytime
with many experiences, then when we use this knowledge in the nighttime it will be easier to be in
this state. We can have more experiences in dreamtime than daytime. So this is the relationship of
practice to night experience.

Dream Yoga And The Practice Of Natural Light

4/3/13

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[Alright. I'll try to keep this to the point. Forgive my confusing scattered words. It's taken me my whole life to master this level of communication... and I'm still very far from being the Master.

I'm assuming this topic is alright for DreamViews because it ties heavily into my dreams and general life.
And I'm assuming people here will talk to me as if I'm not "psycho". And be quite loving and understanding.
BLESS the ones who aren't offended at my words.

If anyone has read Charles Fort's works, they'll understand what I mean when I say:

In every truth lies the hint of what can be called fantasy, and
in everyone's yarn there lurks something of what can be called the truth.

Please keep this in mind. This is an experience that is a little "off".
It's an experience- incompleted by the knowledge of what it was I experienced.
I'm missing the right way to relate this to you.
I know what I felt, and I know what I thought I understood about it.
That is all. And nothing more. Like many humans, I am filled with pride and vanity.
But I acknowledge that I TRULY know nothing.
I am not claiming to know anything on these subjects.]

All times are approximate.

Please keep an open mind.

This is my experience with Lucy.

================================================== =
__________________________________________________ ____________________________
[Background]

My name is Austin.

4 days ago, I experienced Lucy, aka "Acid" aka "LSD" with my "perfect-for-me" girlfriend.

Her name is Alex.

I love this tragic girl bottomlessly, so much it hurts. But this trip was different than with shrooms.
This time, I caught a glimpse of one of those most peculiar facets of reality.
I caught a glimpse beyond the veil. I felt something else's presence among the two of us.
I think it was what the Alchemists and the Shamans and the Wizards and Philosophers
and Dreamers and Scientists and more... would understand as "Lucifer".

Not many people will understand what I'm about to say.
That is because what I'm going to say CANNOT be put into these helpless words. Not in these hopeless worlds.
Hopefully, someone on these forums who has experimented with altered consciousness-
Will understand these metaphors and will relate. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about.
I will do my BEST to explain them to the others who don't get it yet.
This is why people who are actually on to something- are soon discredited as incoherent or such.
What we seek cannot be put into words. The words will escape you like sand through fingers.
Reminiscent of deja vu. If someone demands you explain these secrets, it won't happen. It can't.
Experience is the only way. First-hand.

Now.

I believe Lucifer can appear as and through different things to different people.
But to me it was or was through the gentle and mysterious lover.
The fiery serpentine chasing me up the spiral staircase.
Lucy was the image in between the mirror. Behind the lights.
She was there- but not in a physical sense. The lights would glow brightly when she was close.

My experience with this "entity" was gentle. Loving. Harshly beautiful. With a tinge of dark.
A hint of mystery. He/she told me things through my girlfriend. Beautiful things.
The problem is- my girlfriend claims that I was lost in a trip the entire time.
Conversations I thought I had between us, were just conversations with myself...
Through my girlfriend. But I'll have to ask for more faith from YOU
that I know that I was talking with "someone" whether it was my girlfriend
or an "entity" of less-than-physical existence. It may very well all have been in my head.
But I'm implying that perhaps that's how this thing works.
It IS all in your head. But at the same time it's not JUST in your head.

Oh man, it makes you double take on schizophrenia and general insanity in the world.
What if one of these people screaming on the street are screaming the truth?

Lately, I've been having these reoccurring thoughts in my head that I'm somehow Lucifer.
I just notice all these similarities to me and the angel they call "Lucifer".
My cardinal sin is Pride. I'm a dreamer, a musician, a lover, a woman and a man.
I don't belong here and I feel out of place. I equate myself to a Lion.
I seek knowledge. It reminds me of the story of the Apple of Eden.

I have a STRONG intuition that I'll meet Lucifer on Lucy.
__________________________________________________ ______________
[Austin]

I was one of those "weird kids" you find in school... That never did and never will fit in.
The quiet, smart, awkward kid. The outlandish kind. But I've held on to my innocence.
Longer than most could- I still have real good in my heart. I still have that light inside.
I feel like I have a perfect blend of female and male inside. I feel almost superhuman inside.
But broken at the same time. Like something is missing. My heart is full, but my roots are dry.
But I have a love for horror. An amorous pulling to the mysterious. Everyone has these things.

But I'm uncontrollably thirsty for knowledge. Wisdom. The way the Universe works, in all her wonder.
I've procrastinated the ignition of my life. I've waited to begin my life-
Just to bury myself in books. Drowned myself in watery facts and ideas.
Pondered for hours on "reality" breaking ideas. Ideas that would make sheep panic.
Ideas that only excite ME. "Maybe the world isn't as boring as I thought," I thought.

My life works in symbols. Archetypes.
The boundless ocean. The mother. The Lion. The female. Green. Autumn.
The King. Duality. Trinity. Clocks, and Stuffed Bears. Dreams. It doesn't matter.
But it does.

I know about the connection between you and I. Through reading, experience with dreams,
books of esotericism, books of all sorts!, and simple observation. It doesn't take a genius to see
That there is someone pulling strings in reality. Watch those coincidences.
Try to find connections. It used to be impossible- Then it became improbable.
Now it's highly probable. I know most of you will take me as insane.
There will be one who takes these words just right.

Lately I've been noticing the insane improbable-almost-to-the-point-of-impossible amount of coincidences.
The Universe was talking to me all the time. I just needed to tune in.
__________________________________________________ _____________________________
[Alex]

She's the most interesting human I've met so far.

She has reason behind everything she does!

If she were an element, she'd be fire. She's a white Tiger she says.
Her taste is deliciously refined. She knows what she likes.
During Shrooms, I noticed something very peculiar.
While everyone else in the room tripped blindly.
She unscrewed light bulbs, turned things upside down.
I saw it. It resonated with me.
It was her act of defiance I think that caught my eye.
Her rebellion against the collection of rules we call society.
Mischievous girl. I understand she'll break my heart one day.
...
She grew up so fast. She's had a miserable life so far.
It beat the shit out of her. Her Mother is a monster. (Broke my damn side-view mirror that bitch.)
She never had a father. (He left before Alex was born.)

I've noticed that she does NOT attract happy karmic events.
If there ever was an unlucky human, it was her.
Her life hands her more shit than most humans would be able to handle.
She is hardened to this cruel world. The pessimist out of us.
But she knows things. She knows how it really is.
I'm wary of her. But just as wary as someone can be
of someone you love more than anything.

Our relationship is confusing.
At times we're like best friends.
Sometimes we're enemies.
Sometimes we're just animals using each other.
But when it's all said and done...
All I want to do is hold her hand and keep her safe through this lifetime.
That is what I'm here to do.
If there's anything that's real in this goddamned life, it's that I TRULY love that girl.
__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[0:00]
We walked into my bedroom and placed two blotters each (piece of paper with LSD dropped on) under our tongues.
We sat around for a moment and began to feel excited and restless. Hence our decision to go to the local convenience store to grab a drink for the trip.
We smoked a bowl and headed down the hallway to go outside.
"Do you want to drive?" I dangle my Miku anime-keychain.
"Mmm... Yes!" I barely offer it, but she barely ever accepts. I become aware of the symbolism in that.

(throughout that day, I had seen the theme of "Lucifer"
sowing itself in and out of the tapestry of reality. Through coincidence. Shit happens, you know, but you'll start to notice that a great deal of that "shit"'s probability doesn't match up with the general idea of probability that society has built. Too many coincidences to be without an explanation. Too much smoke to be without a fire. I'd see pictures on Tumblr of serpents and horns- I'd see references to the Bible and things like that- but there was just so much of it today, more so than usual.)


Pulling up, I asked my girlfriend, "Do you know the story of The Garden of Eden?" ...
"Yeah, I know about that story." She humors me.
"Well... sh-should I trust him? I know I'll have to meet him eventually..."
"I don't know..." She knows.
"Huh." I drop it.

I know she doesn't understand my curiosity. I accept it's just one of our differences.

We grab our drinks- 2 thirst busters, and a pink powerade for me and a blood red powerade for her.

When we get back to the house, giddy and excited, we metaphorically "stumble" through the door.
I mean by that- that we were a little "off" by now. It had been 30min. We were walking perfectly fine.
Talking a little strangely... but perfectly functional. Just a little "different" and "strange".

__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
[0:35]
As we walked back in the room and shut the door, she unloaded a pocketful of things and change.
I pointed it out to her that she was becoming a little more like me.
"It's because I love you." It made sense. I picked up a lot of her traits at times too.

We sat on my bed and loved on each other a little. Tickles, talking, touching, pictures, videos.
It was about an hour through, that we started to feel a little more than just "stoned."
The first stage was the breaking of the shell. The realization that there's more to "you" than just "you."
I watched the clock and became the clock. My awareness controlled how I existed.
Visuals were normal. If a little more relaxed. "Diffused" is a good word. "Unfocused".

I stayed consciously aware of what I was feeling constantly. It was creeping up pretty slowly- but it wasn't anything like I had felt before.
I could "feel" it coming on, as I could with other things. It felt like... a drop-off. A cliff.
It felt like I was hanging off the side of a great cliff, dangling over the abyss from a rope.
Alex told me several times throughout the trip that that's how I "felt", as if she could feel what I felt too.

We immediately went to work with our music playlists that we had planned out. I'm usually the one who spends time thinking about the future (making playlists for acid trips is a good example of this), but Alex surprised me this time by being prepared. Notice this coincidence.

She listened to her music first. Of Monsters and Men. The Head and the Heart. Modest Mouse. Bright Eyes.
Amazing music. But it left me wanting something more familiar.

On to my music. I felt around with my ears the following: Gorillaz, The Beatles, Vampire Weekend, Arcade Fire, Radiohead, Panic! At The Disco...

Oh, such beautiful things tucked away neatly in these songs. A word to the wise:
Alot of these bands know what they're talking about. They know what I'M talking about.
It's all in the music that we listen to- secrets. But remember that words can't describe what I've seen.
But music is a better language for something like this.

Take note that "Lucifer" is constantly associated with things such as "light, music, beauty, etc".

Well back to the trip. By this point, another hour has passed. I had been on the brink of tears countless times now from what I'd seen
and momentarily forgotten.
(Amnesia sucks. I have reason to believe my human is plagued with holey memory. I hope to one day find out why. Probably heavy fluoride in the pineal gland.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[1:15]
Now, me and Alex just wanted to talk again.

She told me about what laughter was for.
She told me that:
"Love is strange- If you get too filled up with that wonderfulness [love], it'll make you sad. You need to let it out every once in awhile.
It's meant to be shared."

My god! Right in front of our eyes. Laughter was the human mechanism for sharing love with the world. The letting out of steam.
It was biological as much as it was just... oddly metaphysically organic. I mean by that... ... no. I'll have to leave that one for you. It's a mechanism of my higher-self as much as it is my human.

"If you start to feel sad... it's because you need to let it out. Share it." If there's one thing I held on to throughout my trip, it was this.

Countless times I felt that well of sadness rising up. I pushed it down by laughing at how wonderful everything was. I just looked around.
I laughed at how crazy I was for thinking I was talking to the devil. I laughed at how impossibly-obviously it presented itself to me.
I laughed at how all of my favorite bands had all of the answers to my questions- but in code.
I laughed at how awkward my soul piloted my human. I would lean into kiss my lover, and land somewhere else and just laugh.
I laughed at how perfect she was. How she always found the perfect thing to say to me. It was like a storybook. Like a dream.
Like I had always wished and wished for. She completed me, like a puzzle piece. How curious.



My soul wasn't very good at integrating me into society, in general, I observed.
I just have never understood the importance of fitting in. Never in my life.
If I had a finger to point... it would be at my soul.
From what I understand...
He should be the one who deals with matters spanning over the 4th dimension... over and outside of time.

But...
I am him. I just sometimes forget.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[1:45]
Alex.

She was different now. She was still her. But now with a mischievous grin. Cheshire was smiling through my love's face.
She walked like a Goddess, like a perfect little hipster indie kid. (I think that's what I would incarnate as if I were Lucy.) [I'll call her Lucy.]
She pointed to my antique clock and told me the face was the surface of a pond. She was pointing at my symbols. She knew what it meant to me. She knew I had always equated myself with the element water. She knew my personality was watery in itself.
"It's like a dirty pond with scattered numbers."
She knew about my shaky relationship with time.
The pond represented me.

She got up and stretched. "Man, all this damn water." ...again, referring to ME.
As if she had finally seen the real me.
She said it as if just arriving there to that moment in time, before flashing me a grin.
Again, I got the impression of being in the presence of a Goddess- in the flesh. She knew I knew.

She analyzed my life so far and hit every nail on the head. With such grace and the perfect hint of mystery to keep me there. She talked about my innocence and my attachment to my inner child.
I have a stuffed animal, a tattered old bear- she told me that my child was beaten up.
My innocence was hurt.

I think I feel the need to use the word "her" because I was still clinging on to egos. I was afraid to be one with this. All the warnings.
All the damn warnings from humanity. Avoid the one they call the devil. I struggled within myself against it.

"It's like a bunch dolls in a dollhouse." She referred to the bodies we inhabited.

At this point- my mind was so far in the "strange". My nerves and senses were totally "not-normal".
I didn't think of it as, "Sight" or "Hearing" or "Feeling"... it was more of a five-pronged color wheel of general sensation manifesting itself as a big picture. I mean... My senses began to blur into one sense.

And the trails. Oh my... There was a mesmerizing soft blur behind any sort of movement.

I also began to notice catching weird alien thoughts in my own head. I felt like I was tuning in on Alex's thoughts.
I STILL can't figure out who it really was that first wanted that cigarette. Also...
I would look at Alex with a question and she would verbally respond.
Me and Alex began to slowly realize something. Not that we were melding consciousness. But that we already were one consciousness.
I was getting my first understanding of what "Duality" and "Unity" truly meant.

I spoke incoherently, akin to Jack Sparrow. I was trying to grasp an idea.
It was being relayed to me from outside of my head, that's for sure.

But here's a metaphor to help you understand what I mean.
Sometimes, if you stare directly at something...
It vanishes.
But if you learn to look with the corner of your eye.
You might get a better glimpse.

If I thought too hard at an idea, it would run away.
Same with Lucy/Lucifer. If we chased after her, she would vanish.
She would stop amusing us. She had a tendency to sneak in and out of our trip.

And then something happened... she tried to get me to kiss her. She had that devilish look in her eye.
I... recoiled. I subconsciously knew that what I was dealing with was indeed very heavy. It meant something.
And I needed to be perfectly conscious so I could make a decision. These cautious thoughts were definitely mine.

I know what LSD can do to you. You have to keep your mind clear and empty or else you'll convince yourself of something.
I decided that this vision or feeling of dancing with the devil was TOO persistent to be a simple delusion.
I might be an odd human, but I know that these was DEFINITELY something more to this than delusion.
Truly, there's some truth in my yarn. But I kept a clear head so that I would feel the feelings as they came.

I was forced to make a decision of a life time. If I went through with this, I had a feeling my life would never be the same. But my life was always so boring... I kind of ached for it, you know?

Vampire Weekend summed it up perfectly:

"It’s not right but it’s now or never
And if I wait could I ever forgive myself? "

I finally kissed her back, pushing through my hesitation. It WAS just my girlfriend.
I kiss her all the time. But this time it was mixed-up, fearful, and hesitant.
We lost ourselves in our slow kisses for awhile. And suddenly...
for JUST a moment, I woke up from the Matrix that we live in.
I realized in that moment that I was NOT my body... or even my mind, for that matter.
Whatever I really was, it was "green" and "bright" and "vibrant" and "full of love".
She was more "grey" and "scarred" and "hopeless" but "wise" and "full of texture"
The best way I can describe what it felt like... I was an amorphous living "thing".
A giant changing organism of "light". I felt MYSELF (I'll capitalize when I refer to our higher self.)
brushing up against my lover... in an alien landscape, in alien bodies. It was more beautiful than anything you've ever experienced.
It was scarring to someone who wants to remain ignorant. I now knew.

She knew I had finally seen the true HER. SHE was disfigured and bruised from the horrors and disappointments of her lives.
I held her body close and radiated an infinite love that she had never felt before. She knew I knew. She knew I loved her regardless.
I didn't get to see any specifics, but I know that we've known each other intimately besides this life. Same with all the people in my life.

We cuddled for a little and loved each other. I accepted every little part of her, and she accepted every little part of me.

__________________________________________________ ____________________________________
[2:00]
We laid in my bed and stared around my room. It was as if I was my soul, checking up on my human. My room was a wreck.
Disorganized and messy. I scolded myself. My eyes caught all these symbols that I would have never caught.
I looked at my long hair and saw my female trying to claw her way out. She was desperate to be seen and pet.
It was tragic. I felt a little drunk- by that I mean that drunken feeling of trying to walk. A great happy cheerfulness filled me
despite my slight lack of coordination.

I had to go to the bathroom though... I was afraid to be away from Alex, so I hesitated...
"I REAAAALLY need to goooo."
"Okay, I'm going now."
"Alright baby, here I go."
"I NEED TO PEEEE."
(I said all of those... probably 20 seconds apart. Stalling.)

I worked up the courage to break away. I drifted like a ghost down the hall.
Once in the bathroom, I got on my knees and peed close to the toilet (a strange habit I'd picked up years ago).
I got up, and checked myself out in the mirror. My pupils were huge. I could see my soul showing through my eyes.
It was beautiful. I always thought that was beautiful. Enlarged pupils are subconsciously attractive to me.
Then I returned to Alex. We were both thinking about the same thing now. Ourselves.

We both stared at our vessels with self-love. She began to talk again,
"You know... I never really got why people are so against this." I knew she was referring to our self-love.
"If you have what you have, what's the point in Not loving it?" -She continued while eyeing herself with love and a hint of lust.
I did the same.

Sometime throughout the trip, I stripped naked and watched my body closely.
It was so... gorgeous. My male and female energies were so balanced.
I marveled at my body's hips and legs, and my shoulders and eyes.


(I'd always had a deeply ingrained disgust with egoists.
Egotistical people had always disgusted me. They were never going to grow, because they were so weighed down by their own empty weight. My religious Dad pointed out that I had pride in my eyes, countless times through my childhood. He made sure I knew it was wrong.)

(But... I couldn't find an argument to this one. I had always thought myself and Alex to be extremely attractive.
In a different kind of way than what society could see. I would walk by a group of girls, flicking on a switch inside.
I would think confident feelings, I would KNOW that I was sexy... and the girls would always look my direction and blush.
I had that power. Everyone does. And if it's already there... It's just a matter of turning it on.)

__________________________________________________ __________________________________
[2:30]
Alex had to go pee next. It had been 2 1/2 hours now. She left to go to the bathroom...
But I found myself following close behind, as if I were going to the bathroom as well.
As if we were going to share that experience. I paused and realized that I couldn't follow her in there.
She chuckled at me and left.

I realized I still needed to pee! I normally was very "good" at holding my bladder.
But this time felt different. Seconds had passed since Alex left the room.
"I don't think I can wait." I said to myself, alone in my room.
I panicked when I thought that perhaps Lucy had something to do with my bladder un-control.

Then I realized it. I wasn't feeling MY need to pee. I was feeling Alex's need to pee.
I had already pissed. Now it was her turn.
Only catch.
I was going to experience her turn.

When it finally dawned on me what was going on...
I began to squirm and struggle to hold in my bladder-
While I was experienced pee-ing.
I could feel it so clearly. It felt good~
But I was unable to enjoy the relieving feeling due to my panic.
It reminds me slightly of orgasm, but just a hint.
I'm proud to say, that I LSD didn't make me piss

I continued to squirm, until she was done.
Then I walked out of my room and met her at the door to explain.
She grinned at me.

__________________________________________________ _________________________________
[3:30]
At about 3 1/2 hours.
We fell into the bed again, and fell entranced by my ceiling light.
It broke my popcorn ceiling into a crystal kaleidoscope.
It began to glow intensely. We lied there in that room staring at that light forever.
It was so fucking beautiful. I could tell that there was something "more" to the light.
There was something "behind" the light. "Inside" it. "Outside" of it...
Wait no... There's no word for it. "Within" would be the best fit.

Lucy was close-by. The light vibrated. The ceiling crawled.
The room came to life. We were coming to a peak of the trip.
Alex snapped me out of it.
"Don't let it take you away."
What a strange thing to say, I thought.
I'm sure she knew what I felt.
But I looked away and broke the spell.

Our gazes returned shortly after.
She gasped- "I can see your heartbeat in the ceiling."
Both of our jaws dropped. It was true. The light was pulsating to my heart.
We were pushed back against the wall and the bed... HARD.
But it was because of how incredibly beautiful and powerful it was.
The entity.
... ...
She joked for the third time, "If this is the peak, I'd still be disappointed."
I laughed at that challenge to Lucy.

We sat up from our bed, feeling like we had lived an eternity in moments.

The green curtains had crawling vines. If you relaxed your eyes on them, they would move like crazy.
I could also see aura around Alex. Her's was red.
She told me mine was a bright green.

By now, we had abandoned words for the most part. We both realized how much easier it was
to communicate in "soul-speak", in thought, and in feeling.

__________________________________________________ __________________________
[4:30]
We walked outside. Oh. My. God.

"There's a world out here..." We both gasped. We were coming down fast.

But that one moment when I first experienced nature... our SUN, the neighborhood.
I will never forget it. It made me gasp in my female's voice. It was THAT powerful.
I was powerfully aware of our position in the solar system. That big glowing thing in the sky...
It's in a very basic sense: "Alive".

Fire is... "Alive." Plants and animals... they're "alive and conscious".

My only metaphor for this... would be...
There's these Mexican candies... I forget their name...
But it's a plastic container, with this spicy/sour chile mango
Squishy candy inside.
You squeeze it out through the top and it comes out in strands.
Like squishy red grass.
The inside of the container is primal life. Life in it's most basic form. Before it's manifested in this world.
When it's squeezed out, it seperates into egos and distinctions. Each little blade is a different manifestation of the same thing.

(Matter is alive too, just vibrating at a different level. But I digress- back to the trip.)

My lover and I sat beautifully in our bodies. I followed her to a spot in the shade, out of the morning sun where we found our perch. Watching the school children and other humans waking up, and going to school and work.
We sat there and watched, understanding that they may never know the things we know.
They may go their whole lives and never see the truth.
I began to grow nervous that people were walking about as, well, we were tripping balls in my front driveway.

I shook it off, "Ah fuck it. A school bus of children could pass by for all I care."
A school bus passed 6 seconds later. Me and Alex eyed each other and knew that Lucy was still with us.

We had a conversation between a human God and Goddess in my front yard about the tops of trees.
She pointed to the top of the pine tree before us.
"You know, the tops of trees are my favorite parts of trees." She spoke softly.
I thought to myself of whether there was symbolism in what she said.
She paused before saying, "It matters."

She reminded me of plants. I had always wanted to communicate with one. I cupped in my hands a yellow flowered weed next to me, and I closed my eyes. I felt something. But not very strongly. I felt impatient.

"You want to go inside, don't you?" I had a feeling.
"Yeah..."
"Well... can we wait out here for just a second?"
"Yeah, as long as you want."
But I couldn't fully enjoy it, now that I knew she wanted to go inside.
I asked one more question... It was aimed at Lucy AND Alex.
"You aren't going leave me... are you?" The insecure little girl I had once been was asking.
I began to tear up and almost cry at the thought of being disconnected from this in the future.
I don't remember her answer. But it was good. I remembered to laugh, so I wouldn't be sad.
So we got up and walked inside.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________
[6:00]
It was approximately 6 hours into our trip, more or less.
Lucy was still here, but in a less HERE way.

(INTERJECTION: The overwhelming clarity of LSD is so strange to experience, in stark contrast to the drug propaganda out there. Do not listen to your government on matters like this. You have to trust your heart on this to know if you're ready for something like this. I was ready. I've been waiting for this day my entire life.)

Now I wasn't talking directly to Lucy. I was talking to just my Alex.
She noted that I had been talking "past her" for the past few hours.
That I had, in reality, been lost in a sort of trip. But I know what I experienced.
I have faith in it. And I will not let the world shake it out of me like they do to the rest of us.

Back to the experience. I confronted another demon of mine.
My occasional lack of passion. My lack of red and orange and yellow.
My lack of masculine energies.

Alex was calling me to her. She stretched her beautiful body in my bed, like a cat.
I knew her body wanted mine. I knew her animal ached for mine.
But I am not the normal male. Not the normal man.
I didn't feel like a wolf ready to take control.
I was unsure and awkward. I felt wrong every time I tried to force a passionate kiss.
I couldn't fake passion. So I sat there awkward.

I don't know how many Panic! At The Disco songs I heard before it happened.
(Panic! was playing on shuffle the first time we made love.)

She took control. She pushed me against the bed. She has what I don't have.
I tried to fight back... but she was too strong for me.
I quivered and moaned like the female I felt.
She touched my body and made me feel powerless.
I began to tear up in fear and quiet submission.
Oh, it was then I felt real passion.
This is one reason why we're like puzzle pieces. We match.


Sometimes I curse myself for being born in a male body, when I'm so obviously not.
But I understand that things happen for reasons. Perhaps I chose this existence to make amends
with my masculinity.


I'll skip out some pretty details.
But there was passionate kisses.
"I can see why humans do that." She smirked along with me.
It was a physical means to elicit a reaction in our souls. It was a way to communicate.
We were trading delicate feelings through lips.
Two aliens; two children of the stars-
experiencing what it was like to love as humans.
Oh the impossibly mad love.

Once I felt that passion in my bones...
The man in me awoke. The wolf.
I grabbed her and forced her down like I wished she would to me all those times.

!@#$%^&

I came earlier than I wanted to and I sat in shame for a minute.
Alex knew what my look meant, and she told me that she had felt amazing regardless.
"So why worry?"

__________________________________________________ _________________
[7:00]


Alex eventually fell asleep.
We cuddled together and held each other close until then.

Then I was alone.
I moved to my computer.
I was compelled to listen to "Colorblind" by Counting Crows.
It was an anthem of my human and soul, specific to me.
It touched my hurt that I had accumulated as this specific human.
My awkward un-belonging. My prison of skin. My lack of color.
(Books, the only thing I had found solace in before... can only show you black and white.)

I cried my eyes out. I couldn't fight the sadness back.
It all poured out. I was terrified of how deep the feeling was.
I went to Alex and was about to shake her, when
"I'm fine." was sung.

I knew this was a sign from the Universe to let her sleep.
I was fine.

(The Universe or Lucy or whatever it was... sometimes sends me winks.
"Coffee black and eggwhite." is a line in that song."
My best friend's Dad just poured me black coffee and handed me an egg sandwich while I've been up all night typing this.)

It's truly a humbling thing to know that your entire life is a part to a play.
It's just a dance. It's put together very delicately, with lots of love and care.
But sometimes if you REALLY look closely, it's like a movie.
We all have a part to play. Dolls in a dollhouse.

__________________________________________________ _______________________________
[End?]

So that's my story so far. At the same time, it's all of our stories. We've all met Lucifer in one way or another. It lives inside of all us, whether we like it or not. It's all a matter of becoming aware of it.

I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. Just sending a message out in a bottle.
For most of you, you most likely will categorize me as delusional. That is fine.
This is just an oddly fascinating and fantastic story to you. But I have faith in the dreamers.
I know who I'm talking to. They know who they are. The right people will answer me.

It's all just simple math. What I'm talking about sounds magical... but it is very real.
Perhaps, one day it will be considered common knowledge. Accepted science.
But until then- we need explorers who are willing to chart this new frontier.

__________________________________________________ _______________
[Some of the other things Lucy told me through Alex...]

"You don't belong here. You feel it too, don't you?" I had always felt that.

"You're a very very VERRRY special, human, Austin. I don't think you realize how special you are." I knew this was truth, but it felt like a dirty truth. It felt wrong to say and obsess with. I know I'm meant for something big. But it's not all about me.

"You're INCREDIBLY beautiful." She stared at me sometimes... just as I had stared at the beautiful light.

"You've been waiting here, an anomaly in this world. Waiting for something alien to return you to your home."

[I also "realized" a few things by myself.]

I saw that most the people I called friends, were actually entities I knew outside of this human life.
A few of them I was "tied up to" or "chained to" with karmic debt.
My best friend is VERY pushy, and if I don't listen to what he says, I feel a backlash of negative energy.
I'm starting to realize that I actually am VERY far in debt to ALOT of people.

I also found that I was meant to go to a certain concert in California called Coachella in the middle of April.

I realized on my own that I'm destined to be a famous musician. That sounds horribly egotistical.
But you'll understand if you're ever in shoes like mine.


And lastly... I started the apocalypse. Maybe it was me individually, or me in the general sense of humans.
But when I came out of my trip, instantly I saw new signs of chaos.

This whole Korea business became frontline news. I've seen and heard ambulances every day here since.
People have been talking about the upcoming war in America. People have started making plans.
I think I might move to Seattle eventually. I have a feeling it might be safe for me.
Since me and Alex are both extremely drawn to this city.


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Please... if you're curious or have questions, please ask.
If you have something to add to my experience, I would certainly appreciate it!

It's a wonderful world out there, dreamers. Get out there and feel it for yourself!
For all you wisdom-seekers, may you find what you're looking for.