Side note 1 was initially a Waking Life entry but I decided to share it with you because I feel stuck and maybe someone can post something useful The feeling that I'm in some kind of winding tunnel has become stronger. I can almost "see" the limits of my attention. Also on days that I don't exercise I'm in a bad mood going from irritable to depressed. I feel that something is changing in my values,in the way I see the world ( the Germans have a word for this: Weltanschauung/ world view) but not every change is for the better. I attribute this to meditation, but I'm not sure. I have no proof of this, it's just intuition (or wishful thinking) There's a strong gap between how I perceive myself and how the others see me: It seems to them that my behaviour and my way of thinking improved substantially(I don't feel like a genious and I wasn't dumb before so how exactly am I better) but inside I feel like I'm just a massive thing that's simultaneously alive&inanimate object and that what I once considered 'me' is a lot smalle&less alive than I used to think. The nickname Arrakis never seemed more appropriate than now. I am pouring specific thoughts on this forum because I am under the impression that they are really important to my LD/WL. Ironically it is still very clear to me that part of me dreams and part of me is awake at the same time and that there is only one realm, like I am some kind of planet where things happen all the time, and that there is night and day, all part of the same process. No real use treating them separately. However, I probably need to look closer at this belief/observation and I know I will have to rephrase it over and over until I resolve this tension between the perceived inner unity and the intense feeling of being partially dead/automaton. How can one feel dead? That's another paradoxical/bad phrasing. I think what I mean is I observe myself doing things but I am only aware of doing them not deciding them and I also notice that they are not context sensitive most of the time. It's like being in a straight jacket and that straight jacket is you, is part of who you are. Why do I need LDs when I don't even know in what pocket my keys are? Do you know where your keys are?
I haven't written anything since I joined this forum. I have had several LDs but I only remember how I gained lucidity in one of them: I was in a stressful situation ( that is too often the case ) and instead of becoming even more tense I thought to myself : That cannot happen in RL, so I must be dreaming! And All of a sudden I understood that I was dreaming and felt relieved and changed the scenery so to speak . I seem to be "dragged under water" for long periods of time, I forgot that I wanted to write my dreams and keep a DJ and so on. It's like sometimes I have this tunnel vision in my life when I can only focus on one or two important things and I completely forget about other things. I still meditate, not as much as I would like even though I find it subjectively beneficial. I was in Barcelona and I jogged up to 15 km a day. It feels like a dream now. I've noticed that when I'm on duty at the hospital and some emergency wakes me up in the night this really ruins my sleep, not just for that night but sometimes for longer. I wish I were more adaptable or that people were healthier. That would work too. I'm trying to connect math, physics, medicine, meditation, LD, martial arts training, jogging, healthy eating, nutritional supplements into one. I feel strained instead of stronger. Anyway this was a good English exercise.
So I finally got lucid a bit, now it's not interesting or anything but I feel like writing it down here will help me get my lucid frequency back to normal. Lucidity: 6/10 Control: 5/10 Vivacity: 6/10 It's the first day in school, and I'm late. I get ridiculously anxious and so in some ridiculously great trouble. I get lucid somewhere around here. I get a class and mess around with people and break things. I touch some boobies. The teacher, horrified, threatens to get me expelled. I answer him with a middle finger and frontflip my way out the window. I walk away laughing my ass of when a phone rings. I bring it to my ear and my mom tells me that I'm not dreaming, and that I f*cked up all my chances to be admitted in any other school or college. It makes me loose my lucidity, and soon after the dream continues on with a total mess, and even if at one point I realized I was dreaming, I just played dumb and chose to loose my lucidity. So I did.
I get a pet raccoon. My cat doesn't agree with it, of course, so I have to keep them separated. The raccoon is really cute, and at one point I have it on its back, and it's acting really sleepy as my friend and I rub its belly. At one point I'm with this person who is going to role play with me or something like that, but for some reason RPing requires my parents to drive us somewhere, but they can't drive us there yet, but they can in about an hour, so they drop us off at this frozen yogurt place until then. The girl I'm with seems like she doesn't really want to be here, and it's like she's only half-trying to pretend that she does, but it's obvious, but she still won't admit that she doesn't want to be there. A friend of hers happens to be there and so they start talking and I just leave and say that I'll get something at the store next to ours and be back later. I go to that store, but don't find anything I want, and come back in a bit. Later, I'm talking with a bunch of people on video chat. Apparently you have to hang a wire from the ceiling with some sort of box at the end to be able to use video chat, and apparently it's very expensive unless you're in a hotel. I'm with a RP group again, and we're talking about RPs and who we've RPed with, and some guy is talking about a girl she RPed with, and he says, "It's [the RP] out there somewhere, in some dusty [dirty?) motel room." At one point I'm awkwardly LARPing with someone, and for some reason I'm RPing an OC and they're RPing Gru from Despicable Me. At one point I try the white chocolate pocky that I bought the other day in real life to find that it was actually lifesaver mint-flavored, and it tasted pretty gross. If I recall correctly, I eat it while walking across some one-person-wide bridge, it might have been a rope bridge or it might have been solid and flat. There was another part where a few (or maybe as little as one, I can't remember) friends and I had to coat the entire inside of an empty building with gold plating (maybe not the ceiling, can't remember), and I laid the plating down with a single click, like in Minecraft. Also like in Minecraft, I could see the amount of plating I had as a single thumbnail with the number of pieces left next to it. I didn't have nearly enough plating for the entire building though, not even one floor, so I was pretty worried.
Another lucid dream this night. But the weird thing was that i don't remember so much of the dream. When i got lucid, i looked at my hands, and told myself: i'm dreaming. I'm lucid. Instead of rushing and do lucid things i focused and the dream got much more vivid. This dream was acually like i dreamed about being lucid. But i was lucid O.o that's the weird part.
Dream recall from today's naps. Quite alot of FA's and forgetting to do RC's even though i do them in waking life every time i wake up, still got lucid though. Dream 1(fragment): I was playing some game that looked like 2D isometric action RPG type of game, like Diablo. I was taking some quest in a city but on the way to completing it i had to fight lots of quickly respawning enemies. Dream 2: I wake up and get distracted by family, talking about something, suddenly i am in chair, i get confused and go back to bed to nap, which is located in different place in room. I try WILDing and soon i have sensation of dreaming, i recall my goals and that's enough for transformation to start, i get up with some force(and still with eyes closed) and i feel as my body starts changing, i stand on all four and my limbs are changing to be ones of a dragon, tail starts appearing as well, all feels as vivid as it would be if it was in waking life, then i decide to open dream eyes to take a look but i find myself back at the bed, unchanged. I think that i actually woke up and decide to go back to nap. I wake up again, this time i am sitting in chair and facing window, i hear annoying metallic noise, some black dude is standing on metallic platform connected to a car, platform slowly moves out of view and he says something, i respond by waving and he says that he can't reach me through window, then platform moves out of view. I shrug and go back to nap. I wake up again, i notice somebody's bleeding finger on the table and decide to throw it out of window, i fail epicly and then i think what am i doing and what's happening, i realize that i am dreaming and stand on all fours again, my limbs start changing vividly but shortly dream fades out... And ofcourse i wake up again because there's some weird sound outside, i look through window and notice huge ad stand that closes and opens with an annoying noise, i blame it for the noise that i heard in dream earlier and then i get into discussion with somebody about some kind of new sport event, the huge ad opens up with sound again and plays some ad related to that event. I wake up properly.
My younger son and I were going on a field trip to a synagogue. And I was preparing a bagged lunch for us. My younger son in school was given the kind of rules that amounted to children should be seen not heard. Among others he was told that when everyone sings if he is under a certain age he is not supposed to sing. He was breaking or challenging these rules but in a respectful way. I was proud of him. His teacher did seem open to changing these rules recognizing his potential. Toward the end she was giving some sort of speech playing along with bringing attention to my son. This was in what looked like church. Actually the dream was a bit blurry on whether this was school or church, a bit like both.
Just had the most realistic dream or dream similar thing happen to me in my life. I was just falling asleep. When I enter horrifying dreams. I Ran into a female dream character she had a jewel around her neck and seemed like she omitted a lot of power some how. She was warning me first dreams would not stop( I think). After she told me I will sleep good by doing one thing only," tell me something you will do" she said. I said something first"don't remember" She shook her head. and started feeling the ruby I think So I quickly changed my mind from that to "Insert good specific life changing decision." With this she smiled a pleasant smile, picked my hand up to her mouth And gently held it between her teeth while smiling I think she even said the words 'good' or 'finally' while smiling. As she done this I believe everything went black(or white) and I very slowly woke up in my room. I'm thinking this dc may be my dream guide? And giving me advice to help in waking life? I think this because I do have that problem she was referring to and I do need to fix it, she seemed extremely wise. Just please any info on the dc's and dg's from experienced people would be awesome, thanks.
Have non-lucid: Looking on a weird question and answer site. One of the questions I asked is supposedly from the night I tried to kill myself, but the date is wrong: August 10th, 2009. I am begging for help as I am overdosing, and the only answer is an automated response about how suicide is bad. In my brother's room. Other than that, there is activity in the house, so it isn't that scary. Wake up. Check for False Awakening, but the check succeeds, and I realize I really am awake. Go back to sleep. First lucid: It starts as a documentary about some gangster. It says that the gangster called for backup, because the cops were raiding him. I become one of the cops, and a gunfight ensues. I then realize I am dreaming. "Sounds like fun", I think to myself, and start shooting. For some reason, the situation slowly changes into a western, with the cars turning into horses and the pistols turning into revolvers. I decide to ride away and explore. I find a Native American village, and hang out there... quietly killing randoms. I wake up. Lucid Nightmare: I look at my fingers to do a reality check, and I am very disturbed to find that one of my fingers is 95% torn off, and is loosely hanging off the middle knuckle. I accept that I am dreaming, OR may be having some weird medical emergency. I go downstairs and notice the drink I asked for sitting on the table. I try to leave the house, but the door is locked. I look above the door to a sign saying something like "You will pay for what you have done, and you will NEVER leave." I realize this is a dream, and I try to make myself wake up, but I can't. I try to call my tulpa but the words won't come out. I turn around, terrified, and look in the mirror. There's two of me. One matches my actions, but the other just sits there, grinning at me. My dog walks over and barks at where the other me WOULD be if he occupied physical space, before looking as though he is in a trance. The next part is disturbing, so don't read on if you can't stomach it. The dog walks over to me, knocks me over and then rapes me. That's the last I remember before I wake up. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THERE?!
had a very pleasent sleep but forgot my dreams, no matter .
Damn it. The previous month and this month has been a disaster when it comes to everything dream related. I had a goal of remembering 30 dreams during june, I think I just remembered 7 and only wrote down 2. And this month has not been much better, I think I have had 5-8 dreams, most of which i didn't write down. I have not not posted them here on dreamviews since I have not had time, and that is probably the reason for my unusually bad recall: I have been to busy to be able to focus on dreaming. I just got a new job and my mornings have been pretty stressed as a result, I have a hard time remembering dreams when I am stressed. I guess I should be getting up earlier, but that is easier said then done.... But there are some good news: I focused on remembering my dreams last night and the night before that and then i was able to remember at least one dream. So it appears that as long as i take myself time in the morning then I should be able to remember at least one dream every night. Therefore my goal for what is left of the month is to try and get a better morning habit that allows me to focus on dreaming and to try and remember at least one dream every night.
I was dreaming that I was in a big formal dinner with loads of people, looked very much like a ball. I think me and a hanful of others were special guest and really important people, but I can't remember why. Anyway I was having a drink and talking to some random people when I bumped into a hairdresser. We talked for a while and he said he thought i would look gorgeous in a raider hairstyle. I asked what that meant and he said it was a hairstyle with long hair on one side and shorter, wavy hair on the other. I though about it and said I would rather not, I had been spending to much time growing my hair and would prefer to keep it as it is. After the dinner I tried google "raider hairstyle" but could not find it anywhere. That is all I can remember from last night. I am actually growing my hair, and in the dream I had as long hair as I want to have IRL.
M Okay this one is kind of weird. I was in a mall that had a museum of dinosaurs and an aquarium. I had just got out of the rain, it was raining, no it was pouring so hard in the beginning of my dream that the water hit the ground like a small bomb, people were running. I was with a class of girls but then split up into the mall. I was in the the middle of the mall, between where people walk and they have vendors. I came upon this machine that had stuffed animals in it when I noticed there was a Chinese baby girl in the grabber machine and immediately freaked out. I tried to get other people to look one other person was with me and was helping me try to get the baby out of the machine. At first I had a quarter and decided to use it on the machine and it flew into the machine without any force. Then I thought, "I can't get the baby out that way!" and then opened the side of the machine with the latch. Some person came up to me and asked me if I was the manager because what I was doing was against store policy. I just said "there is a baby in the machine for crying out loud!" I was worried because it looked dead, but then I noticed it was breathing. I gently but hastily pulled the baby out of the machine and it awoke. I felt better, Like I saved the day but then my dream started to make me think it was my baby and imprinted a fear of dressing it, trying to care for it. I was just glad it was okay though.
07-17-2013 -- Short but fun. I seem to be kind of hanging out at Robbie's house as a late teen, while there are a lot of wild little kids running around yelling and screaming, and somehow doing weird science stuff. One of them has somehow created a creature that is half-chicken and half-rabbit. It is really cute, but almost instantly reproduces, so there are more and more of the critters running around by the second. Robbie's younger sister (he doesn't have a younger sister AFAIK, but it wasn't Tina, his older sister) is keeping an eye on them. She is a sweet young woman, and kind of attractive. She is dressed in very loose shorts and a tank top and has her legs spread as she sits on the car hood in the garage, and I suddenly realise I can see her bush and her pussy lips. Nice view. But she's had enough of the craziness, so somehow vanishes all the chickens before she stalks off. There's now an older woman wandering through, trying to calm down the kids, and I find myself petting Black Lightning, my cat, even though she died almost a decade ago. I am thinking of leaving when I find a bee and a wasp flying around me, and before I can get away, each one stings me in one of my feet. Don't have to worry about it on the wasp, but I am trying to get a grip on the bee stinger to try and remove it. --- 07-16-2013 -- I am standing on the corner of La Palma and Stanton when BM drives by in her new mobile home. Unfortunately she is not paying enough attention and lets somebody run into her, crunching part of her vehicle. Meanwhile, I have stopped by to see her, but she doesn't want to see me, and tells me she doesn't need me to do balloons anymore. There is a bit of a stuck up punk here that is challenging her to a contest to blow up a Mickey Mouse balloon, and when she pops it while trying to squeeze air into one of the ears he laughs at her, even though he did the same thing at the same point. After that, he tells her he has a balloon gig for her in an hour, if she is sure she can be ready on time, and she agrees, even though she has to go home, put on hr clown face and costume, and make it to the location of the gig in such a short time. So she is off at high speed, and more accidents are happening as she drives off, though I manage to avoid being in any of them.
07-18-2013 -- A hint of superheroes but nothing I can remember. I soon find myself in a half-life half-computer-game war of colors. We are on a large hexagonal 'circle' surrounding a sort of hexagonal mountain. Each hexagon forming the circle is kind of large, perhaps 40 or 50 meters per side. I'd say we started at about 8:00 and moved counter-clockwise. There were six color choices, and a large, slightly pixilated 'paintbrush' that seemed to be in different shapes for different colors, and you half reached for it and half grabbed it with your mind, moving it around the landscape to sort of 'paint' the ground and claim it. I am not sure what color I started with, but I changed colors a couple of times in the first few seconds as I ran like a mad-man painting my colors in every direction. There were a bunch of other kids/teen playing, grabbing other colors and spraying them, though some moved faster than others. I think I settled on purple fairly early on, and with some others went sprinting counter-clockwise. By the time we reached around 4:00 there were two or three of the colors battling it out for the area, and the ones slower to catch on, still around the 8:00 or 7:00 position realized they were never going to catch up with us in that direction, and figured they better start painting and claiming ground going clockwise. Since we had a lead, we matched up with some of the other colors around the 12:00 position, and as both sets of groups rushed at each other I sprinted to the meeting point to claim to be the first one to have made it 'round the world.' It made more sense within the dream logic. Somehow though I had been purple throughout the entire thing so far, by the time I came against blue at 12:00, I seem to have changed to green and to have been green the entire time. Purple turned out to be lead by Pricilla Mooseburger in a very professional purple clown costume. Being as I was not on her team, I think that is why I was suddenly green (though with purple leanings.) [Didn't realize it until now, but the purple/green conflict might have been caused by a Drazi episode of Babylon 5.] Graham seems to be 'leading' the green group (though not as Hathaway, which might have made sense) and he is reminiscing with some of us about the Adventurers Club and how we all miss it, and talking about some upcoming event where we'll all get together to do a 5 year celebration or something, with some of the other regulars around. I find myself talking to Joe Simon about old Disneyland shows, and a time I bought a drink at the Disneyland Hotel (which the event I was recalling was actually from some other dream in a pub in England) and he is trying to relate it to a non-alcoholic drink, but I say no, it was something alcoholic. Reminds me of one of my friends who could never remember whether it was the yakoose juice or the kungaloosh that was alcoholic. Meanwhile Graham is handing out large strings of Mardi Gras beads (where the individual beads are about 4" diamond shapes) usually in the color of the person's team, but somehow he can't decide if I am purple or green, so he gives me both, which somehow goes well with my scarf, even if it is purple and blue. Soon we are taking pictures near a parade float which is actually a three level ice skating rink which Priscilla is skating on, and it is some sort of publicity photo, as we have been a part of a fund raising program for some sort of orphan charity or something. We're told to hug up on one another and I end up with Abby (NCIS) in my arms for a kiss, though soon she is a different woman, and then a third, Chris Townley, who I knew from school. The woman keeps shifting. It's like there is really some chemistry between Abby and I, but I don't know if I have the nerve to say anything to see if it can become something. Meanwhile, Priscilla seems to have a bit of an attitude with me (all in fun, I think) and is asking us if the next time we can avoid looking like a brother and sister kissing. After the photo taking, we're moving back to the parade-float ice rink, which has now turned into a small purple stage with signs on it warning people to stay out from under it, and Priscilla is about to do a magic show (which is why she doesn't want people under the stage getting into her props) and I decide to grab a seat in the front row, planning to heckle her in return for her photo comments. (I know how you did that one ... I'm not going to tell, but I know ... that one, too ....)
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