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I am quite unhappy with my recall from last night - and on top of that - I was too tired and lazy to try WILD - while a first natural awakening after 6 h not - and not with alarm-clock and hour later either.
Where is my motivation in the morning??

And I was almost sure, I´d get a present last night from the TOTM..

Okay - first a dream, which directly relates to last night´s snippet

Last night´s snippet was about me, wanting my ex-boyfriend back and having to find out on a holiday, that he was happy with his new girlfriend and backed off.

This night - almost like a correction of this: I now was on holiday with him - it was great - we were talking about problems too, and others were advising us against a new start - but we did anyway and it seemed we finally much better understood each other.
I also explained to him, what had happened lately in real life - and how I have changed my outlook on my professional career - he very much found it a good idea (probably in real life he would too..).

Ha - exactly now, while writing - more of this comes back - very satisfying dream it was! Will be left un-journalled - but comes back to me - niice!



Weird fragment:
I was on the shore of a lake - stony shore and a lot of other sun-bathers.
For some weird reason, there was a whole menu of food with us, a group of people, and we wanted to cook it later.
But all ingredients - like meat, sauce, potatoes etc. - were all separately shrink-wrapped in plastic sacks.
A small kid - maybe two years old - tottered towards us - and then peed on the sack with the sauce.
Soo - we were worried, that the acidity would maybe solve the bag - so I was running in a house with it all and washed the outsides of the bags.
Seemed undamaged.
Ended up with me being "press-ganged" to do all of a big heap of dishes and being annoyed about that.
Wanting to go back sun-bathing..

One more scene:

I sat with my supposed grandparents - they looked different though than irl - on a terrace - eating and drinking wine - when suddenly it was clear, this was not our house - but I just had the keys to it - and thought the owners wouldn´t come back till later.
Not so - they came and were angry, I had taken all the good red-wine and drunk it with my grandparents and a couple of other old people - supposedly friends of them.
Bit like the dream with the secret Christmas party hidden in a house..

One more - it was there after waking up, but only now thought about it again - maybe a novel dream-sign (2nd time..)

I was in a sort of animated DV version - but not 3D - and there were three avatars, one a guinea pigs and two rabbits - the ones with very, very much fur - and we had a post-exchange..


It almost seems as if I would dream further - or alternative-dream dreams from earlier nights - making them more agreeable - or at least a bit different.

I wonder if this is common.

Somehow I always manage to fill a page, if I want to - but - last night had really bad recall.

Dream recall from today"s WBTB/naps.

Dream 1(fragments):

We were in some city and there were dragons and we agreed to work together to defeat enemies, we thought up a plan but then decided to change a few things to make it less risky.

Dream 2(fragments):

There was something about dragon leader, and then there was scene with two workers were doing stuff in harbor kinda place and then got into argument which ended up in silly anime-like joke fight and then they went to leader.

Dream 3(fragments):

I was apparently playing KSP and some update added some thingies that let kerbals bounce on them. I"ve played around with that and time warp which caused kerbals to ragdoll glitch and grow a second head. Then i was looking up some different video game vids and every ragdoll was glitched in them. Then i got distracted by random food.

Woke slowly from nice dream, went to loo remembering it.

Started thinking that WakingNomad might have wanted me to have a remembered dream about is dream place.

I was in a suburb and invited to walk 1 hour 20 minutes to a location in the Forrest in themountains (hills).

I said "yes".

Then we were peddling a bicycle built for two. When the mountainous road began he encouraged me to take over the pedaling. To empower me, showing me "I can do it".

Later, I got off bike.

I was alone (and relaxed) in warm friendly-feeling "DARK Mountainous FORREST.

I crossed over a narrow cascading river.

I wanted to sleep the night away (to walk back home in the morning).

As I was thinking of setting-up a one man sleeping tent...I saw a very comfortable looking air-tent (for one), on the Forrest path. So I crawled in and went to sleep.
Woke-up inside the comfortable air-tent.

Came out and walked home through the mountainous Forest. It was bright morning.

When I got home to the home of the guy who began my journey (on his bicycle made for two), he asked...

"How wss it"?

I said

"I really liked it, I'll do it every day"

Then I woke, nice and cosy, relaxed and happy. And went to the loo.

Immediately, typed this in this phone. I think Waking Nomad wanted to let me know that he didn't want to scare me with a nightmare in a dark mountainous forest. But wanted me to know he could give me a nice dream in his dream location.

So

Thanx Waking Nomad.

***

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78MK...e_gdata_player

***(1:46) 71, 847 views

Dream 1(fragments):

I was playing some rather bloody game, there were passages filled with blood, blood on walls and floor and ceiling also weird faces on walls. At one point a group of invisible instakilling enemies appeared but i've got doom map that was showing enemies like with iddt code and using it i've dodged enemies and finished the level.

Dream 2(fragment):

I was in some weird school.

Dream 3(fragments):

There was a group of people and a girl escaping from someone through the city. There was massive building on the way and they had to choose whether to go left or right. They split up but the chasers used some flying cameras to watch over them and were contacting them over phone while laughing. Girl commented that it's a good kind of laugh, so they are safe.

I knew titling this DJ entry as such would get a few people reading.

I was walking down the street in an unidentified subdivision. It wasn't like my subdivision in the fact that the houses were only one story, instead of two-story. Also, the trees were very large and very old, unlike in my subdivision where the trees are still rather small/young.
"Bohemian Raphsody" was playing in the background for some reason. But it wasn't for long when it got to the second line: "Is this just fantasy?" I became lucid. (Second in one night tonight.) Also, I've gotten lucid in some really weird ways in the three years I've been lucid dreaming, but this one takes the cake.
I immediately felt a rush of power, an urge to control the dream. I looked to the sky and used... something similar to air bending to whip the clouds into a vortex. I then transported myself about a block away, outside of this beautiful Victorian styled brick mansion.
I looked at the mansion, and I was still on my rush of power, I gestured up, and lifted the whole mansion causing one new floor to be added to the bottom. I thought I could do better. I gestured up again, and the framework for a large clock tower assembled on top of the mansion.
I gestured up again. I lifted the mansion up another story or two, as well as completing the clock tower.
I can do better.
I Gestured up one final time, and the mansion transformed and then lifted and became an absolutely huge brick skyscraper, probably forty stories tall. I flew up into the air for a second to get a good view of my creation. I took note that there was a small, modern glass box, like a penthouse on top of the brick skyscraper.
I gestured down and lowered the entire skyscraper into an empty lot, leaving only the glass penthouse. I then gestured up just at that and made it a really tall glass skyscraper. I then lowered that all the way down to nothing, then gestured up and created what looked like the dubai tower.
I was going to do something with the new tower, but it was twisting and distorting in a strange way. I used a voice command to "lock" it, but when I did, I locked it twisted up. I used another command to unlock it. I then commanded that it return to its original shape. Then I used the "lock" command again.
I was finally back in my own body. (I had been flying around outside my body.) I realized that the skyscraper I had created was actually only about ten stories tall. Also, it fell on its side, with the pointy end nearly hitting me, so yeah.
I recalled some of my other dreams, where I used a computer hologram for some of more complex dream control. I commanded that one come up. It works, a large holographic OS comes up on my right hand. I'm able to scroll through it with my left.
I decide to forget about manipulating buildings, and focus on things that are actually important. I asked myself out loud if there was an option in the holographic menu to summon my dream guide.
"It's under the contacts tab!"
Now the moment you've all been waiting for. The floating electrical baby head was above me. It didn't have eyes, and the head seemed to be hollow. The neck was cut off abruptly. It didn't frighten me because it didn't look like an actual baby head, but rather just a 3D computer graphic of one. And it had an orb inside of itself that caused electricity to arc out and hit the ground.
I got some back-story into this dream character almost immediately. He was part of a collective group of dream aspects that work together to... play poker! I got to see images of him and several other very weird dream characters sitting around a bar and doing just that. ._.
When the back story ended, it was nighttime, and we seemed to be in the same location. The FEBH it seems had made a fire. We were on a concrete terrace surrounded by railing. The terrace had a stairwell that led down into a rock garden area with a large dead tree.
I wasn't by the fire at first, and I was still scrolling though the holographic menu. I was in the "contacts" list and I came across someone named "Bonya" I clicked on the menu, and up came some girl with braided hair and four eyes.
Me:"Who's this?"
FEBH:"Bonya, and dark projection of Lia. Manei" You know, my dream guide.
Me:"So she's evil?"
FEBH:"Whatta you think?! Of course she's evil!"
Me:"Are you Glitch? Because if you are, I'd prefer you appear as a split ring design and not... this." (To explain that question, I wrote a lucid dream based story about myself, where I had an AI helping me that I called Glitch. His icon was a ring split in four places.)
FEBH:"No."
I walked down the stairwell and into the rock garden area. I thought I saw Lia Manei down there for a second, but when I got closer it turned out to just be a shadow on the rocks. I went back up to the FEBH, and sat by the fire he made. I started roasting a marshmallow.
Me:"So who are you?"
FEBH:"My name is ****" (I can't remember it. It might have been something comically normal like "phil")
Me"Tell me about yourself."
FEBH:"I don't know [Looks longingly into the fire and makes a sighing sound.] Poker is my life. Just little pink squares that... ace of spades; seven of hearts!"
I looked at the marshmallow I was roasting and recalled that I don't like marshmallows in RL, and couldn't think what to do with it. I woke up.

1. [Non-Lucid]
I'm in a college asking the receptionist for my student information sheet to see who will be supporting me in lessons. The receptionist wondered why I would need to look at my own biography thingy.
My support worker appears at the desk, she is that old woman from Emmadale who is currently in the jungle on that TV show.

2. [Non-Lucid]
Starts off in Minecraft, im looking for a sign with coordinates written on it which is the location of a haunted house/mansion that I found. I take my friends with me (not sure who, maybe Emily and someone else).

CBut I only remember one part of this dream, the last portion. I don't know how I got lucid exactly, I think I was told by some dream character. I was riding in the passenger seat of some type of car. But whatever it was it felt like it was very clean and very powerful.
Manei was in the drivers seat, but didn't seem to be driving. Marcus was in the back center. We arrived and parked at the top of a good sized hill. I got out and began to walk in circles around the car.
The area we were in was totally alien. I got a feel that we were above an ocean, and that there were some pretty high mountains all around us. Lia introduced the location as some place important, as a sort of dream-scape for me. I can also remember the sky being orange with purple and black clouds.
I began to ask her why lucid dreaming has gotten so difficult for me, or something along those lines. She told me to focus in on a water bottle that was in a cup holder in the car we were driving. I used the bottle to anchor myself to the dream some.
(I wonder if the dream is actually saying drinking water before bed helps me lucid dream. Your guess is as good as mine.)
I was about to ask more questions when she told me that our time in the dream was ending and I had to wake myself up right now. She sounded strangely urgent, but at the same time, she said it like she would be back soon, really soon. (Hopefully, I go back to sleep and pick up LDing; I'm writing this at 2:30am)
I obeyed her and woke myself up,but I ended up having a false awakening into the same dream location. Save for my mother was there. I began to tell her about the dream, and recalled more of it than I did now. I became lucid again, and realized this was an FA. I woke myself up for real, but had forgotten most of my lucid.

had a dream this white haired girl showed us this movie that you watch and you get sucked into the movie and in this alter reality. we went to this roman colloseum where they used to sic lions on eachother,l in the movie thing and we were looking down on it from bird's eye perspective and the air and sky were dark purple. it was pretty sick when i got sucked into it- like i was hurdling through time n space. jen kept calling me saying come to the campbell bars and i told her no bc "i could do that whenever". the white haired girl was drunk the whole damn time like days of drinking. but she was probably the chillest girl ever, super sweet.

12/02/13

In Another Life
I am back in high school. I have absolutely no awareness of my waking life or that there is anything out of place. My name is Marcy, and I am sitting near the back of the room in a math class. It's Algebra. I'm not having any problems with it, I am good at math. More importantly, this is my last class of the day. I am anxious to get out of class and get home. I hope I can get out of the school without meeting up with the jerks that I always have problems with. Sarah, Beth, Maria, and Gene. The bell rang and I shove my books and papers into my backpack and hurry out the door. I am almost to the front door of the school when I see the very people I had been hoping to avoid. Sarah is there talking to her friends. I think I can get out of sight without being seen but it is too late. Sarah speaks loudly, saying watch out, it just got fatter in here. I look down at my body. I am moderately overweight, but it really isn't that much. Gene adds that it got uglier in here. Maria adds that it got stupider in here. Beth tries to add something but I can't understand her because she is laughing too hard. I don't want to let them bother me, but they do. It hurts. I feel like crying.

I hurry past them and out the door, figuring if that is it then I should count myself lucky. But that's not it. Sarah comes out first and shoves me to the ground. The others laugh. Gene and Beth grab my backpack from me, it had only been over one shoulder, and they take off with it. I need that! I chase after them, but I am slower since I am a bit fat. Sarah and Maria follow after me laughing and making comments about my bouncing ass. We reach the far fence of the school yard. I am so out of breath. Gene opens the backpack and starts tossing stuff out over the fence saying that it was all garbage. Beth asks Gene how she can touch stuff I have contaminated. As if just realizing that, Gene tosses the backpack over the fence as if it would bite her. Sarah shoves me into the fence and tells me the world would be better off if I went home and killed myself. I clumsily climb the fence to get my things. I fall down the other side, much to the girls' delight. I scrape my knee up, but that's it. I start collecting my things as the girls walk off, still laughing. After I get my things together I sit by the fence, tired, depressed. Why me? Why did everyone hate me? I start crying.

Not much time had passed before I sense someone watching me. I look up and see a man standing over me. He is wearing a hoodie and has very striking blue eyes. Not sure what a grown man would want with a 14 year old girl I move away a bit. He speaks in a friendly tone. He says not to go, he won't hurt me, he just saw me crying and wondered if I was ok. The fact that a complete stranger has shown concern in how I feel sets me off crying all over again. He asks what is wrong. I find his name is Alex. I'm not sure why, but I feel the need to tell him everything. About the girls harassing me here at school, harassing me online when I'm away from school, one time they had gotten physically violent and broken my nose… maybe Sarah is right and I should just kill myself. He listens sympathetically while I talk. He then holds one hand out to me to help me up. My hesitation has gone now, and I accept his help. He pulls me to my feet… but then he won't let go! He smiles in a friendly way, but what he says is not friendly at all. He says he lied when he said he wouldn't hurt me, this is actually going to hurt quite a bit. But it won't last long. And when it is done, those girls will never push me around again. No one will ever push me around again. I kick at him and try to pull away, I scream, but there is no one way out by the fence to hear me and he is much stronger than I am. He is holding my arm with his right hand… and his left hand is gone? His left hand has transformed into the claws of a beast? My first thought is Wolverine from X-Men. I'm being attacked by Wolverine?! I fight harder. Is this guy going to cut me? Yes, he is. He drives his claws into my mid section. A burning pain erupts from the place he stabbed me. He is holding me close now, whispering in my ear. He says again that it won't last long, so just hang on… it will be much better later. No one would ever hurt me again. Of course no one would hurt me! I was dying! Everything started fading to black. I wonder if anyone will miss me. Will anyone care? My mom would… my brother would… but no one at school would. They'd be glad. I am angry that they will get what they want, then I am swallowed by darkness.

I wake up sitting by the fence that goes around my school. My backpack is beside me. The light is fading. Oh, no! I fell asleep! I look at my stomach, but there is no gaping wound. No blood. Wow… that attack must have been a dream. Just a bad dream. I have to get home! I grab my backpack and run for home. I run as far as I can and then I walk fast. I am exhausted when I reach the house. There are police there, and my mother is beside herself with worry. She sees me and runs over and greets me with the biggest hug. But then she is angry. Where have I been? Why didn't I at least call? What happened? She called the police, she thought I'd been kidnapped or worse! I tell her about being harassed by the girls. I leave out the part about crying, she would consider that a weakness. I tell her I had been waiting by the fence for the girls to leave and I must have fallen asleep. I apologize many times. After a while of apologizing and having people check me out everyone decides it was an honest accident. The police leave, telling me to be more careful about where I fall asleep. I was lucky, but things do happen to girls out alone. I eat dinner, which is macaroni and cheese, then the rest of the evening is spent trying to get my homework done. But it's hard… I don't have as much time as usual since I fell asleep and had to explain everything so many times. And I can't shake the memory of the dream. The weirdest thing is I remember climbing the fence and falling and skinning my knee. But my knee isn't marked. No scratch or scrape, not even any dirt. I am unable to get my homework done before bed time. I am tired, so I crawl into bed and fall asleep right away.

My alarm wakes me up what seems like five minutes later. My sleep had been dreamless this time. I drag myself out of bed, eat some honey nut cheerios for breakfast, then I walk to school as usual. All in a haze, also as usual. As I get to school Sarah starts in on me right away. She tells me I forgot to kill myself last night. I try to ignore her. She asks if there is too much fat in the way for me to cut my wrists. I try to ignore her. She follows me down the hall to my locker while throwing out all the insults she can think of. My birth certificate should've been an apology letter from the condom factory. I'm not sure what a condom is. I should do the world a favor and disappear into fat air. They'd launch me into space but no space ship could lift me… and I'd scare the aliens. This continues. I go to my first class. Sarah is in that class so this offers me no escape. History class. I already don't like history, and with Sarah in the class, it's a nightmare. English class is next, and that offers me some reprieve. But Spanish class is the worst. Both Sarah and Beth are in the class, and the teacher doesn't seem to care what they say to me as long as it's in Spanish. Then there's lunch. I always eat alone. I have no friends. But this time I can't manage to eat alone. Sarah and friends are all around me. Sarah takes my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She takes a bite, then spits it out in my direction before throwing the sandwich in the trash and saying she shouldn't have done that. Now she's infected. She needs an antidote, quick! I escape into my Biology class after being harassed through lunch. Thankfully, Beth and Maria ignore me in my Humanities class. Maybe they've had enough for now. Algebra is a safe class, then it's time to go home.

Again I hope to get out before being spotted by Sarah and her friends, again I fail. When I see them I duck into the girls' bathroom, hoping they didn't see me. I go into one of the stalls. The bathroom is empty and quiet. I hear the door open and someone comes in. My heart sinks when I hear Sarah's voice. She says she knows I'm in there, calling me Fatsy instead of Marcy. About five minutes pass with her standing out there throwing vulgar insults, more vulgar than I normally hear. I figure I should just go past her and leave. I can't stay here all day. So I come out and head for the door. Sarah blocks my way and says not so fast. She says she was being serious about me killing myself. I should do it. Cut the wrists. Warm water would help me bleed out faster. Hanging is an option if I have a rope. Or if my parents have a gun… no, they must not or they would've killed me a long time ago. After being hounded all day I am getting mad. I tell Sarah to get out of the way. She asks who's going to make her. She asks what I'm going to do about it. I think she wants to get into a fight but wants me to start it for some reason. She wants me to throw the first punch. She pushes at me and I briefly lose my balance. Fine… if she wants me to throw the first punch, I will! I punch her in the stomach, hoping to knock the wind out of her. To my stunned horror, my fist actually goes INTO her stomach, spraying blood everywhere. Sarah doubles over and vomits blood. I pull my fist back, I hadn't meant to do that! Really! As I pull my fist back it's like Sarah's insides are somehow caught on it, a stream of bloody tissue flows out of her wound and onto me. I think I might vomit now. The rest of Sarah's body dissolves into a bloody stream and flows onto me. The disgusting mess seems to soak into my body and then it's gone. No blood, no mess, no Sarah. I stand there in shock.

I walk out of the bathroom in a trance, leaving my backpack behind. I walk aimlessly, across the school yard. To the fence where I'd been harassed by Sarah and her friends just the previous day. I reach the fence and drop to my knees, still in shock, not knowing where to go. I try to clear my mind. I have to go home. My mom (and dad?) would be waiting for me… no… not my dad… he's dead… but he's not. My brother Josh would be there, no… it was my sisters Jenna and Sally. Sisters? I didn't have sisters! I try to think clearly, but it's as if I have two sets of conflicting memories in my mind at the same time. One of me, Marcy, and one of Sarah. Sarah, with her timid mother and overbearing father. Overbearing and ABUSIVE! Sarah's memories told me if I was late getting home that would justify a beating… and maybe a nighttime visit. Those horrible nighttime visits… But Sarah is dead now. I killed her. I become stuck on that thought. Sarah is dead and I killed her. But now I know everything about her. She wasn't mean, she was scared. Scared that there was nothing she could control, that everyone could see her weakness, everyone could see she was a victim waiting to be attacked. But if she could prove she was stronger than someone else… like that fat girl Marcy. Damn, she wished she was me. No sign of being beaten at home… Bringing a good lunch every day… Sarah is dead and I killed her.

Guilt overcomes me and I start to cry. Someone jumps the fence but I don't look. He comes over to me, pauses, then acts surprised it is me. He calls me Marcy, then says he has never seen someone figure out how to use that ability on their own before! I look up. It's the man from my dream… Alex… but his hand is normal, not claws. He doesn't look like Wolverine right now, though I am sure Wolverine doesn't have to have his claws out all the time… Anyhow, being attacked isn't really on my mind. I stand up and grab his jacket, saying over and over that Sarah is dead and I killed her. There. I told an adult. Now he would take me to the police. I had to confess, there was no choice. Sarah is dead and I killed her. But he doesn't lead me away. He shakes me until I stop repeating my confession. Tears are still streaming down my face. I look at my right hand that I had somehow used to punch right through Sarah… Alex holds me, trying to comfort me. He says he can explain what is happening. He says I "consumed" Sarah. He says I should now have Sarah's memories, too, and I do have her appearance. The extra set of memories… I say yes, I do… but how? He says that happens when we consume someone. He can do it, too. I start off on a new rant now, telling him Sarah wasn't really bad, it wasn't her fault, she's dead and I killed her… I consumed her… how can I fix it? How can I reverse it? There has to be a way! There just HAS to be a way! He looks like he's not sure what to say to help console me.

Before Alex says anything more, the other three pieces of bad news come over. More insults coming, and there was no way I could handle it right now… no way! But no one says anything mean. Beth asks who my friend is. Maria sees I've been crying and asks if I am ok, but she calls me Sarah. Gene is getting in Alex's face. She asks what he did to Sarah, why did he make her cry. I say Sarah is dead and I killed her. Maria looks genuinely concerned at that. She asks what I'm talking about. Gene goes back at Alex, calling him an asshole and asking again what he'd done to Sarah. Maria leads me away from Alex, saying I need to rest, I need to rest where my bastard father can't hurt me… I should stay over with her tonight. I know right away Sarah's father would say hell no to that and be furious if she did. And when Sarah wasn't there for his nighttime visit, he'd visit Jenna instead. Jenna… only 8 years old… she'd come to Sarah almost a year ago saying father was visiting her sometimes at night. Sarah had advised Jenna not to fight or father would hurt her more. But now I knew what I had to do. I would go home to Sarah's house and break Sarah's number one rule. I would fight back… and that bastard father of Sarah's wouldn't know what hit him.

I ask Maria for a minute of privacy during which I call my own mother and say I am going to a friend's house. She is thrilled that I have a friend. She says to keep my cell phone on. I say I will. Then I tell Maria I have to hurry home. I run most of the way. Sarah's body is that of a cheerleader, and very athletic. I go into the house and find father in a very bad mood. He's drinking again. Perfect. Maybe I can get him to take me to the basement to take my medicine. Then I'll give him his medicine. But he is more focused on mother right now. His dinner wasn't good enough. The house isn't clean enough. He pushes her against the counter while berating her loudly. I tell him to leave mother alone. Mother looks at me as if I've gone mad, so does father. He asks if I want a piece of what he's handing out. Mother tells me to go to my room right now. I say I'm not leaving until this piece of shit that calls himself my father says he's sorry for hurting mother. Mother is shocked to silence, father is now more pissed than shocked, thought the shock still shows in his face. Father asks if I really want to be talking to him like that. Because if I talk like an adult, then I get an adult's medicine. Mother breaks her silence and tells father to leave me alone, I don't know what I'm saying. I tell father I sure do know what I'm saying, and someone ought to kick him in his pathetically small balls so hard they get lodged in his fucking nostrils. Father is pissed. He grabs me roughly by the arm and says it's an adult's medicine for me, then I will never speak to him like that again. Mother pleads with father not to hurt me, but he ignores her and pulls me down into the basement. This is going perfectly.

Down in the dimly lit basement father asks what he should start with. I tell him he should start with begging me not to kill him. He says he doesn't know what has gotten into me, but I have sure gone off the deep end. I don't feel that way at all. I feel strong, like I can take on anyone. And he is weak. He has to pick on those smaller than himself. I spread my arms and tell him to come at me if he wants to die. He says he'll give me my medicine and he can't be sure I'll survive it. He grabs a board and swings it hard into my stomach. I barely feel it. He recoils as if he just smacked a concrete wall with the board. He looks at the board, then at me, then at the board again, clearly puzzled. He swings at me again. I grab the board and take it from him easily. I break it in half as if it was a twig. He steps back in shock, asking me what the fuck I am. I say it's his turn to take his medicine. I close the distance between us with two quick steps and then I repeat what happened with Sarah. I deliberately "consume" this asshole, or that's what Alex had called it. But this time I feel no guilt. Because now I know Jenna will never awaken to his nighttime visits again. Little Sally will never know a single visit. And mother will never have to take her medicine again. I punch my fist right into his gut, which brings about a shocked look of pain on his face. He screams out in pain and terror as I finish "consuming" him.

The sound has brought mother down from upstairs. I look at my hands. I am a man now, I have taken on the form of that asshole. But I don't want to look like him! I want to look like Sarah! I don't want mother to think father killed Sarah. I'm not sure what I do want mother to think… a wave of guilt hits me over Sarah, she shouldn't have died… it was never her fault. As I focus on wanting to look like Sarah I see my hands in front of me shift form. And my perspective drops a couple feet. I am Sarah again. Mother comes down the stairs and stares at me. She asks where father went, she asks if I am ok. I tell her I am ok, father took his medicine. She stops short and asks what I'm trying to say. I feel guilty about Sarah again. I go over to mother and hug her, telling her over and over that I'm sorry, I'm sooooo sorry… I know it will break her heart when Sarah disappears. And Sarah will have to disappear. I can't be both myself and Sarah at the same time. And if I disappear, then my mother will be the one crying. Mother wants to know what I've done. She says whatever it is, she's sure it can't be that bad. I tell her it is, and I can't say what it is… but she will find out soon, and I am sooooo sorry.

Mother wants to hold and comfort me, but I can't take it any longer. I pull away and run back upstairs and out the front door. I run down the street and out of sight even as I hear Sarah's mother behind me calling out. Not that much time has actually passed, and the sun is still shining. But I am in a dark place. I go down an alley to be out of sight and sit down beside a dumpster to cry. I feel some better knowing that Jenna, Sally, and Sarah's mother will no longer be hurt, but I still feel awful about what happened to Sarah. Someone comes up beside me as I am crying. I look up and it's Alex again. He asks if I can change back to Marcy. I think about my normal appearance for a bit and I feel the shift. Alex says I really am a natural. But a natural what? I ignore Alex now and go back to crying. Alex sits down beside me and puts an arm around me. He says to try not to be too hard on myself, what happened with Sarah was an accident. He asks if I really meant to hurt her. I remember wanting to knock the wind out of her, but that was it. Just a belly ache for her. I say no, I hadn't meant to hurt her. He says it was just a terrible accident, and now there was a lot I would have to learn about control so it would never happen again. Control of what? I don't know and I don't really care. I sit there, still crying, with Alex beside me trying to comfort me. I think I fall asleep like that, because then I wake up in bed as Raven again and a full understanding of what had happened in the dream.

Hello again. This is a dream I had while in middle school I believe.

I was at my grandparents house (which is a dreamscape I return to often). Their backyard is a good size and has really tall pine trees in the back. This translated into the dream. There are two tiers to their backyard. At the time the back porch led to the top tier where there is a lawn and my grandfather's workshop at the back. Steps lead down to the bottom tier where there is more patio and lawn. There is a hill at the back that has the trees planted on it.

There was a party going on. I walked around listening to people talk and socialize. My eyes were drawn to this older Native American lady. She stood out in the crowd. No one paid her any attention but my eyes met hers and we stared. I knew she was a Shaman. All of a sudden all the people disappeared except for her. Movement made the tops of the trees shake and I heard a growling noise. I looked up seeing a large dark shape dart around in the trees and then disappear. I knew it was a werewolf. I ran to the woman who was completely calm while I freaked out. I warned her about the werewolf and asked her what we should do. I had a feeling the werewolf was hunting me, not her. She told me to show it respect and it would not hurt me. Once she finished speaking the Were dropped to the ground. It was bear size, had dark gray/black fur and amber eyes. It charged towards us and I did as she said and bowed my head, tensing but not fleeing. It stopped in front of me. I could feel its breath on me, the heat coming from its body. Then all of a sudden it swept me up into its arms and snuggled me. I closed my eyes as I was surrounded by warmth and soft downy fur. I woke up after that.

Dream of: 01 December 2013 "Super Being"



empathy can be a powerful weapon

I'm watching a scene taking place on a space ship which has approximately ten people on board. I'm not only watching the people, but I feel as if I'm all ten people at the same time. All the focus is on one character, Worf (from Star Trek), who is in the kitchen and is climbing up the side of some kitchen cabinets (somewhat in the mode of Seth Brundle, the character played by Jeff Goldblum in the movie The Fly). Suddenly he begins to feel a pain inside him and he screams out. He realizes that a creature has somehow entered into his body and taken control of it. He screams two or three times and finally he screams at the other people to blast him. He knows that he can't remove the creature from his body.
One or two of the others fire strong blasts of energy at Worf. The blasts don't kill Worf and so another blast is fired, likewise without effect. Suddenly one of the women realizes what is going on. She starts screaming about "empathy" and she screams at everyone to stop. Everyone realizes at the same time that Worf isn't being killed by the energy blasts, but that he's absorbing the energy. He's now obviously changing into a super powerful being. As he transforms in front of everyone, they all realize what they've done. The creature inside of Worf has now completely taken over and transformed itself into a super being.
Someone says that a blast of energy could still be fired at Worf's eyebrow. Immediately Worf emits an energy pulse which strikes that person. It looks as if the energy came from his eyebrow. It also looks as if Worf is now so powerful that no one will be able to stop him.
Although I'm able to feel what everyone is feeling, I especially feel like Worf.

so i had two dreams last night one was particularly gore like

#1
my first dream was about going to italy

#2
my second dream was about paul walkers death and i was there at the scene and i went over to the accident and saw his face and it was ripped to shreds because of the accident.

i blame that photo thats going around on Facebook of a damaged face that looks like paul walker

December 3, 2013

review: Glen from the walking dead is trying to lead us away from the lava

Glen and lava
For whatever reason Glen is my boyfriend, maybe a zombie ate maggie. Its dark and were trapped in this area. Im not sure whats keeping us trapped here, if its zombies surrounding us or something else. All I know is this area used to be a safe zone. Now its just a cage with nothing for us but to wait for death.

Glen leads the group "we have to go back". We get to the boundary of this area, its completely surrounded by a deep fissure in the ground. Down below the fissure you can see lava freely flowing. I take the lead instead, carefully guide the group past the lava-fissure. Its something like from a zelda game. Glen gleefully asks me "how did you do that? I wasn't even sure how to get out" I said "Im a gamer, its what Im good at"

Just ahead of us in this dark landscape is an abandoned building. Its hard to say what this building was. But inside were different rooms. We run inside of one filled with precious items. I find a tea kettle set made of china that I think is adorable. Its the end of the world so we can take whatever we want, the problem is carrying everything by hand.

I don't want to be burdened by more items so I tell them "I'll come back once we reach the next safe zone"

Glen checks out the walls. By placing his hands on them he can tell whats on the otherside - lava. Lava starts to spew out from one end of the building. We can't go that way. After running around this maze we realize this building is surrounded by lava, and it will soon breach all of its walls. We can't go forward.

We can only go back the way we came, which isnt really an option.

We were in the library when we realized this devastating news that were stuck. Frustrated, Glen knocks down the library shelf. It creates a domino effect and all the other shelves fall down. The last one fell with a loud thud and lots of dust. When the dust cleared I could see a bright tiny light. "Look at that!" It literally looked like the end of a tunnel.

"Is that a way out?"

We race towards it but its only a light bulb attached to something electronic. But the falling library shelves did open up a new room. In the back of this room was a robot behind a glass wall. It seemed like it was built to do manufacturing labor. But considering all the workers are dead, I couldn't help but be suspicious of this robot.

But my friends thought maybe this robot could be our way out. Before I could protest they boot him up. The robot seems friendly enough. I ask him if he's aware of the current situation of the world, about the zombies and the lava.

I woke up before he could answer

Me and my mom watch a lot of property shows so that probably had something to do with this dream this morning lol. I also hope to get my own place some day soon and be on my own again.

We were looking for a new house. The first house I remember we didn't like to much was a fixer upper. The second house had a train by it so. The house was nice, but we already live by a train station and the house #2 would of been even closer to it and I remember saying "Great, the train is even closer" and saw it coming in. It was pretty cool, and I do love the looks of trains but at 3am when you are trying to sleep and the train guy decides to let you know he's here lol let's just say it ruins your blissful slumber into a roaring wake. Anywho, the 3rd house we looked at was another fixer upper but small and then I noticed we were right next to my ex husbands house. (I just recently seperated it's almost been 9 months now and haven't gotten used to it still) I saw him in the window and waved at him. I didn't really want to go up and talk to him but I did anyways. I went in the house and for some reason it changed atmosphere. It felt so small and like a box. There were 8 other guys in the house I'm like um how do you have all these people here. I don't remember what all we talked about. I noticed he put a doggie door in for the cats. He told me my cat sweaty girl and ricky roo didn't make it but socks was around somewhere. I miss him so much and went looking for him. I found socks, and he cuddled up to me. I remember feeling sad and woke up.
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I miss my little kitty babies. Divorce sucks and so does a 500$ pet fee in the new apartment JERKS.

12/02/13 This was almost a DILD, but i avoided the shiftinto true lucidity. It was semi-lucid and later almost non-lucid.

I was in a house with my friend from 8th grade. We were going out into a parking lot and I heard someone say we were going to go to a church camp. Here I was semi-lucid and decided that a dream about church camp was stupid. I quickly dodged out of the area and was going to leave the idea behind and pull more lucidity into the dream. I was going along some random street. I realized I was about to become fully lucid. I stopped myself. I asked myself "what do you really want to be doing if you pull your awareness here? Shouldn't you go back and let the dream develop as it was trying to?"

OK, fine, let's try to get back into it and go fully non-lucid. The dream was very vivid, and it may be hard, but here it goes... I turne around and thought, "You should not be mean and leave Robb alone and bummed about you dodging camp." I looked for something to let me back into the dream (still semi-lucid). I saw a small cannal and a familiar parking lot. I imposed the thought, " good enough,,, that is were you need to go. They are still there. "

I saw a line of kids and tried to fall into the dream and out of lucidity. It kind of happened. I would not say it became non-lucid, but it was almost like I believed it was happening. I seemed to be in the dream and not over thinking things. I saw Robb sitting bummed out. It seems the event he wanted to do required two and he was not going to get to play because I had dodged. He was glad to see me. It was a starwars thing and we were given Storm Trooper costumes. He said he was not allowed to play with any kind of guns. I suggested batons. The host gave us these strange rubber trunchen weapons. We walked around and I examine the odd orange battons. I really had to keep from questioning how silly this all was. Before to long the dream faded.