I have been in a bit of a dry spell lately. I took a bit of a break for a couple of days, hoping that I can start with fresh energy (probably tomorrow). Last night I was close to lucidity. I did a nose pinch RC and could still breathe. Didn't really trust it, so I tried pushing my finger through my hand. It didn't go all the way through, but it looked like it was trying to. Also, a scab appeared on the back of my hand as though I were slightly wounded. But I was getting ready to do something, and decided I didn't have time for reality checks and so I stopped. At one point, I was falling asleep with the mantra "this is a dream". But at some point it changed, and I found myself repeating something like "this is not a dream, is it?" over and over.
Dream Twelve (10.16.2022) I was riding SheiKra but it was going incredibly slow to "test" the coaster. (What an annoying dream for someone like me who goes to the amusement parks as much as she can!) Dream Thirteen (10.17.2022) My fiancé, mom, brother, and I all went to this vacation spot that was a vast indoor beach labyrinth. There were Roman columns and poolrooms. (I have an interest in vaporwave, liminal spaces, and the Backrooms. I believe that's where this aesthetic keeps coming from! I had dreams featuring this aesthetic before those internet genres were a thing but related heavily when I discovered them.) When you first entered the labyrinth, the columns directly ahead appeared to go into an ocean on the horizon. Everything had a hazy blue tint. Then my mom got mad at me for no reason. I left the labyrinth in retaliation. Outside was a random grey city. I somehow learned telepathically from someone my mom apparently got lost inside. I woke up.
Updated 11-14-2022 at 02:02 AM by 99520
Listened to a new sleep-meditation last night. 7hz-2.5hz BW entrainment combined with an audible track and subliminal messages to be aware of dreaming. Early in the night I became partially lucid, but the dream is vague now. Later in the night I had two very confrontive, very combative dreams, where I may have been partially lucid. I have some memories of a large, glowing white figure, possibly female. Supplements were Melatonin and 100mg 5 HTP. Felt very good this morning.
earlier: + in a (sandwich shop?) at the counter there's a man working there, and he's closing up, saying that everyone who already got in their order will still be able to pick it up later (on another day) since he's going to close, I'm confused, I'm not sure if I'm on this list or not and am not sure I'll have my order processed. Something about a murder? They're looking for the suspects. I don't want to leave the area because I think that no matter how far away I get, they'll realize that I've left and that will make me a suspect, and they'll track me down and find me eventually. + in a room with my two sons at a young age [DS], and a third boy, they're doing pullups, and I'm counting the reps for them. Younger son falls to one of the mats (?). Then my 5th/6th grade teacher Mrs. R, who is smoking a cigarette, shows up outside and is knocking on the door. later: + daytime/daylight, in a car with others, we're in a Mexican/Latin part of town [watched Jurassic Park before bed], I'm telling the people driving with me that it's OK, we're going to a particular place [a restaurant? forgot], and our route will consist of a bunch of right-left zigzag turns. I draw this out on my palm tracing out a "Z" like pattern. There is some discussion on the exact shape of the driving pattern we'll take. + on the ground, urban environment (paved roads, traffic lights) but no buildings to speak of, completely flat terrain, twilight. I'm driving with someone, and pointing out the route I want to take, a sort of short cut to where we're going, the road is visible ahead, with stop lights. My point of view climbs into the air and I see the large (fancy hotel/residence building) in the distance (with a large globe and tress around it making it look like a large pineapple), and point out this as a landmark well-known to both of us ("see, we're going by [that place]"). Ahead I see a building with a business signs hung outside like in a strip mall, think we're going to be going through a mall and might stop in a store. come up to an elevated area, one side of a high embankment running along a freeway, there is a covered (mall?) bridge like a mall pedestrian walkway. I'm with my [1st] wife, she without hesitation jumps off the embankment and I start to say "NO, WHAT ARE YOU... [DOING]!?" but I see she has landed safely on a nearly 100% translucent walkway just about 6 feet below the edge of the embankment. I'm a bit leery but I jump down too to follow her. It's really hard to see the walkway, it's only about 4 feet wide and without any railings. I'm a bit nervous as this leads over the busy freeway (don't see any cars, it's more imagined to be there below us). My wife is exuberant and does a gymnastic running start and then a serious of backwards hand springs, and I freak out that she'll fall off the edge, but she doesn't. There is some man we need to see? I come up to her and we hug and kiss a bunch, and I have the thought [DS] what shall I do since I've remarried?
non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP At my grandmother's in Moita with my cousin Cris. I look through a window on the back and the garden outside is really green and lush but something awful is happening. Some black woman is on the ground trying to ressuscitate her baby girl who is lying inanimate on the grass. Then some man approaches and tries to help but the baby isn't responding. At first I don't feel like I can help and I just watch them doing CPR and hoping for the best. The baby wakes up and stabilizes for a while. They put her on a carrier and she soon passes out again and stops breathing. They do CPR again and again but the baby keeps stop breathing. I decide to jump outside and try to help. I examine the baby and I think I know what's up. I reanimate her and don't put her on the carrier, instead put her against my shoulder and walk around until she burps and barfs and expels a lot of bile that was continuously coming up and blocking her breath. She then stabilizes and I tell the mother the baby suffers from really bad reflux and needs to be checked out but will live if treated.
* I was in front of a vehicle by the side of what may have been quite a straight road in a natural setting, probably surrounded by forest. My father had written a messsage on the hood/bonnet of the car talking about the reason why he had been "HIDING" [from me]. In response I started to draw two yellow birthday balloons on there for him. I vividly remember concentrating on forming the shapes, or rather I had the impression that I was doing so, as now I think about it, I had suddenly noticed a mistake in the picture, a bulge at the bottom of the ballon below the neck that I then erased, but I am pretty sure that just appeared in the dream and I didn't draw it. The last thing I remember on the balloons is adding a very cliched stylised reflection of a window on the top left of one of them. * There was an illustration of the pitfalls of naive unregulated libertarianism1. A libertarian had a large sack of oats (also looked a bit like flour) and was somehow toasting them inside the paper sack. They only seemed to be cooking near the bottom of the sack but more to the point they got pretty burnt. This was how the libertarian liked their oats. The downside and moral of this story though was that this sack was a communal supply of food and in thoughtlessly exercising their liberty, they had ruined the food for everyone else. * I was in a large spare bedroom in my mother's house. One of my friends from school was there looking the same as he did as a young teenager. He was writing on some sheets of paper which turned out to be roleplaying as a secret agent but I highly concerned because the adversaries he was engaging with were real. Although it wasn't directly referenced I got a sense he was only doing it for fun. I worridly asked him why he was doing it, telling him that those people were psychopaths who would never stop endangering his life. He is a smoker and his answer was to ask whether I had smoked. I said yes. He asked whether that had given me lung cancer. I said I hoped not. His point was obviously that we take risks in life and he obviously believed he would get away with it. * Again in the same spare bedroom, I was writing a long, multipage letter to someone who I get the sense lived far away. At the end of the letter I had stapled details of a (non-serious) hospital appointment I had, then I realised (perhaps someone told me) that I would need to present that paperwork at the appointment so I couldn't send it to my friend. I removed it and put it to one side. Later I was writing a love letter and there was a row of about five small red hearts at the bottom. 1.Without wanting to bring too much politics into this, I think civil liberties for individuals should be defended but that it shouldn't be an excuse to let big business trash the planet, violate human rights etc.
Updated 11-12-2022 at 06:29 PM by 99564
early: + I'm the featured soloist in a singing concert, the audience seems very skeptical, I lean out the window and psych myself up by yelling encouragement to the orchestra and conductor below, to really show the audience that I mean business and will really kick ass in the concert + in a parking lot, cars are driving, I have some things lying on the ground in the way of one car that wants to drive through so I run to them to pick them up and move them. Walking back the other way, another large squarish (like 1970's cadillac) car is coming towards me, at first it seems that there are two large rolls of toilet paper in the way and I move to the car to remove them to help out the driver, but as I approach I see that they are actually attached to the bumper of the car as a feature, two large white rolls right next to each other. I stand still to let the car drive by me, it passes me very close, just a few inches away. Then some people and I are talking about some liquids on the ground, some are saying they hope it's not caustic chemicals, I think/say that in children's birthday parties they typically only use 3: ?, ?, and carbon monoxide (to which they add an oxygen to make carbon dioxide?), and are not dangerous. We're sort of kicking at the pools of chemicals for a while with our feet. Then I got an stand in line with a shopping cart with some other people for something later: + baseball scene, the shortstop is standing in a bad place between 1st and 2nd base right on the line between the bases, and the 2nd baseman is standing directly on the base instead of back from it a bit. I have some small black puck in my hand, like a hockey puck, that I toss into the air and which firmly sticks to the side of a tall metal pole growing out of 2nd base, I think that it must be highly magnetic. I also think that I should try a bite of the black puck, since they're mine after all, and have something else puck-shaped some food like thing in my hand, which should be sampled. + guy with salads/foods in pumpkins, throwing them down over the deck railing into the back yard (like in CH) + work scene, walking between buildings on the work campus, see other employees walking around, am a bit surprised at how many are there because it's a Saturday + in work cube/office scene, I pick up my pile of binders full of work info + take a customer service call while sitting in the back seat of a car, I'm a bit annoyed to be taking the call (being a developer not a customer service rep), but am still polite, I can't understand what the caller is saying/asking, something about "2 G.I.S."
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Long night of sleep (yay), lots of dreams, early recall a bit spotty due to no recording early: + walking outside at night, with views of the moon + I'm outdoors in daylight walking somewhere, suburban surroundings, I have some goal in mind. A car pulls up in front of me, front to my left, rear to my right, I'm facing driver's side. (There are no doors and I can see clearly inside.) A goth woman is driving, and a goth girl is in the back seat. They offer for me to join them. At first I'm very reluctant, as I have other plans. Then I decided "what the heck," and get in the back seat with the girl. We begin nuzzling. I nudge her left ear with my nose, and nibble on hear ear lobe, gently, running my teeth along the edges up and down. (I think she squirms because it tickles). Spoiler for ST: I reach around both sides of her from the side/back and fondle both her breasts through her clothing. I think this is So.Tch. + in an office, see a printer? later: + walking outside daylight with people, open park/urban area, think/talk bout pathways [location/path awareness, woohoo], talking about new convenient bike paths that have recently been opened, I see/imagine them ahead and to the right + toss a toy on the ground that breaks when walking with sister, it was a toy that is supposed to roll on the ground. It's like a horse's head, I pick up the various pieces and hold them in my hands looking at them. come up to boundary area with lots of food kiosks, and I wonder if the others in my group will cross over the border + approaching a small building, intending to pass through and go out the left side exists, the doors close in front of us, I'm with a mother and her daughter, known to me, we begin singing "hail mary" prayer song, the mother (standing to my left) is singing not quite the right tune, which I recall clearly, and I'm stumbling a bit for the right words, and start to remember both words and tune. + in a gift shop I want to buy a surprise gift for my [1st] wife to present her after the end of our vacation. Looking closely at the objects on a shelf [DREAMSIGN!!!!], there are some fascinating self-morphing animated objects that are transforming and rotating as I watch, I think these are really interesting. There is a set of small earrings that I think is perfect, not carrying jewels but some other small unusual objects (that represent our vacation here?). There is also a cut geode, I look at the two halves expecting to see sparkly purple quartz, but there is none, just something uninteresting, like small brown bits of cardboard confetti-like flakes. + at a buffet, crowded with people, a group of girls crowds right in front of me, there's an older teen girl who brushes by me, I think about engaging with her but decide against it, it's a dessert bar, I see plates with a "mars" bars (special flavor) ice cream dish, a traditional mars bar ice cream treat, see girl with 4 chocolate ice cream bars on a plate spread out like a fan. The mars bar dishes have mars bars in their wrappers with one side opened, they're swimming in a liquid of ice cream sauce.
I own a pair of wireless earbuds; they're black. In the dream snippet I was in my room with two of the black pairs plus a pair in white. My earbuds have L and R on them despite being the same shape and looking neutral. But in the dream I was thinking that if I couldn't match the correct case they'd either not charge or even break. Not an issue for the white pair in a white case, but the black ones? And it didn't help that I had one extra black earbud marked not L or R, but 73A. So five black earbuds. Well as long as I was confused I decided to try and charge both L's and listen with them and do the same with both R's, just to see if they'd sync to each other. I guess I was willing to risk breaking them all? And then figure out what the 73A one did. There was someone I didn't know with me who was going to help me with this, but I woke up.
The night before last's dreams included a strange box of chocolates with a hole in the bottom that had an ingredient that hadn't been approved for human consumption and there were health concerns. I had a beer and a second unidentified alcoholic drink beside it in another restaurant and was presented with a strange sort of poster, perhaps instead of a menu, with stylised artwork a bit like a tarot card of one figure harming another. Last night I saw a historic town on a coastal cliff edge subject to erosion. When I looked down over the edge of the cliff, there were many more buildings at the bottom, as if they had fallen down there but they looked strangely undamaged. They were old buildings, in about the same age and style as those at the top of the cliff. I got a sense that those at the bottom were probably mostly abandoned. I saw a town hall at the bottom of the cliff and another one looking more or less identical at the top--possibly the replacement? Later I was walking along the beach. I think it was sandy. There were other people accompanying me but they were quite some distance away. Either family members or friends of family. There were ancient buildings on top of high rocks sticking up from the sand. I saw a large square or rectangular temple. It may have had an open roof or courtyard; I don't have a clear memory of the detail now. My companions seemed to want to walk away somewhere possibly to where they could get to some of the buildings and I think I told them, or at least thought to myself, that I could climb up the rock to the temple. I wanted to try for a DEILD after waking up from this dream but there were too many distractions and I was too aware of the need to get up today.
Updated 11-10-2022 at 01:27 PM by 99564
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Updated 09-07-2024 at 02:17 AM by 99032
no supplements BT 23:30 08.11.2022 FW 06:17 try to relax into throat lotus visualization but mind is just really jumpy OOB 06:50 decent presence, awareness, but not very strong + vague impressions of doing earlier things with people in places, perhaps with son S1 + drawing on the world using a computer drawing program: create a tall fence, I add the boards and stretch them upwards, also add smiling sunshine emojis, see the result in the world. I'm looking far into the distance and point out (to son S1?) that I see the water there far away. I'm looking at the cartoon-y looking wall/mountain that I drew, and wonder if I take it away in the program if the results will immediately reflect in the world, both sons (young age) are there and participating + helping [deceased, 1st wife's] mother-in-law pay her debts at a pharmacy. Walk in to the pharmacist's cabinet in he's busy with another customer, it will probably take a long time so I just give him her paper and hope he'll quickly deal with us. He does. There was one main debt and a bunch of others. I look at the list afterwards and it's (blue?) printed handwriting, words that I see but don't read, and small prices like "5" on the right. Then I'm walking with her in SF in a park like area (near the coast?) we're planning to do a bunch of touristy activities, which we ourselves have never done as residents, saying we normally don't do "touristy" things, she asks why, I answer normally residents don't do these things -- to avoid the crowds?. To my right on a bench I see son S2 crying because his paid game character died, it turns out that you have to buy some sort of protection character otherwise every turn some attacking fish will lower your health. + Moving furniture with Suz, on narrow hallway/catwalk, she's sitting on a chair recliner, and I'm standing behind the recliner pressed up against it looking down at her. Her hands are busy helping me hold the object, and her dress is hiking up more and more and just about to expose her <ahem>, I see her legs, I reach down and push her skit back down, it doesn't move quickly because she's sitting on it and she sort of squirms a bit to free it and it moves down a bit more. Her arms reach up and back (like she's hugging me from her position) and I notice her arms and arm pits. + In a gym working out, there is a long barbell that sort of lands/is precariously balanced on some stand, I get behind it and start to show someone how I do a particular exercise with it but not really doing it, some gym long-timers are snickering at me while they go about their workout routine, I glance at them and I see they have pads of paper with their workout written on it and they're flipping between the pages reading it. I notice Valerie (redhead) from high school and want to go up to her and ask her to the re-union, but she's busy working out, I don't know if I should bother her, I sort of dither standing near her in indecision, walk up to her, walk away, then get up my resolve to ask and go stand in front of her and ask her if she's going to the reunion. (She turns in to some random man?). She says "oh, what day is your day?", I'm confused by her answer I thought there was only one day. "My day was Wednesday" she says, (which I think has already passed), I think I say "oh I thought it was on Saturday".
non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP In a large room with groups of people talking, making lots of noise, confusion. I can't handle it, so I leave. It's in some kind of hotel where I am staying. I know that NightHawk is also staying here. It is late night, but he has insomnia and is hanging around in the lobby. He sits over some bench and doesn't notice when I approach. I sit by his side and grab his hand. He is surprised and happy to see me. Asks why I am here, I tell him about whatever I was doing in the big room (some networking event or whatever) and I would, in the past, be able to enjoy the chaos and take notes about the dramas between the people and write stories about, but now I am just tired and overwhelmed and have to leave. We talk and we get cozy and we're both giggly and then we kiss. I am so hungry for him, I kiss him like a maniac. He complains I am not even taking a breath and therefore I am suffocating him too. I laugh. He says he needs to go the toilet. While I wait for him to come back, I am approached by my aunt's personal assistant and helpers. Apparently my aunt Ludovina is filthy rich. They ask me why I am here and say that my aunt is crazy worried looking for me and sent them to get me. She was throwing a party for me somewhere else, but when she found out I was at this hotel, she moved the party here. They tell me the party will be at a hotel floor they booked entirely for us. Then I watch an absurd parade of workers carrying lots of food and gifts into the hotel. Like, one person is pulling a cart full of exotic fruits, then three black men carry three canoes on their heads full of what seems to be fish and seafoood, plus a whole army of caterers with other yummi things. When NightHawk comes back, the parade is over, but I tell him what happened and that my aunt demands my presence, so I invite him to the party. On the party's floor, the first room actually looks sad and gloomy, with some family members and nothing much happening. I say I hope it gets better and they tell me to go explore the rest of the rooms. The next room is a prank/game and is full of fake cobwebs and an upside down piano. I don't know exactly what I should do, but seems like I need to get through the maze of cobwebs. Then I notice there is a real spider on top of the piano, not very big, but there are mirrors positioned in a way that makes it look gigantic. I still don't understand the game, but my family teases me by saying there will be a few more surprises and then there is the banquet awaiting us. I am at a university, like studying there and a young Colin Farrel is visiting friends or whatever. I see him through the corner of my eye that he is talking to people sitting to my side on a long concrete structure that serves as a bench. Eventually he sits down right next to me and he accidentaly bumps into me. I look to the side and he says sorry and smiles. I smile back and he introduces himself as some unintelligible african name. I excuse him but I say I know he is Colin. He asks my name and I say it but he is having trouble understanding or he is playing with me and makes me say it many times and finally spell it out. We make a bit of small talk but eventually he turns to his friends demanding his attention. I drop some papers on the ground, a bit by accident, a bit on purpose and get on my knees to get to see if he helps. He does offer help but I already finished gathering the papers, so no luck. Then his freinds get up and invite him to go to a canteen for lunch. Not the normal one where I usually eat but a fancier one. We look at each other and smile again and he asks if I wanna join. I say sure. I pick my stuff up in a hurry and go after them, but then meet some of my friends on the way who distract me and I lose them. I still go there, because I know the place, but they are already sitting and eating and I need to get the food first. There are no more plates and I can't find anyone to help me with that. Some girl helps me out with the drink dispenser and somehow I get some alcoholic beverage spilled in my head accidentally. When I am grabbing some cutlery I get closer to them and I hear Colin tell his friend that he likes me and can't take his eyes of me, but that I am a bit too plain and he can do so much better. His friend tells him he is being an idiot and overestimating himself because besides being famous he is not that special either. I find it funny that is friend is so brutal. I keep having trouble joining them because there are no more seats available near them, but I hear their conversation a bit longer and his friend is encouraging him to ask me out on a date. And mentions some advice from their friend Lisa Gerrard about relationships. My mind then goes on a rush thinking I don't really wanna be Mrs. Farrel, I just would like to date him for fun as it would increase my "market value" but in my heart I am thinking of NightHawk.
This isn't so much an account of a specific dream, but more a reflection on a theme in my dreams at times. Or a feeling that I get. Sometimes my dreams seem so monotonous and mundane that they can be a little unsettling to think about going back to. I don't know as much about the internet world as younger people probably do, but yesterday I came across the "creepypasta" thing and the "backrooms" idea specifically. Not sure I understand it entirely, but it seems to match the feeling I have with some of these dream ruts. Something so boring and monotonous that it is unsettling. Anyway, it's interesting to me because I usually try to find the artistic or poetic side of things. I like the thought of monotony itself being intriguing.
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