All DJ Entries

April 25, 2015

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My New Mommy
I was in class with the kids but we were in this weird room. I sat in the corner with my computer, and I greeted the kids as they came in because the door was right in my corner. I remember that the room was made with light wooden floors and walls, and was very open to the outside; there were big windows. We all had on headphones with microphones that were all connected, so all we could hear was each other. I was checking kids' papers (we did research papers) and sources. M and T had the same source for their paper about women's suffrage. I walked around a little more and then sat down and turned on my headphones. K said "if i loose my mom and I'm all tragic will you be my new mommy Ms. Kestrel?" And I pretended I didn't hear it, because I wasn't sure what an appropriate response would be...

I was with K, T and M later at recess or something and we walked around the back of the school. There were interesting stairs and weird structures so I climbed the stairs and came to a pretty hill overlooking an orchard of sorts with some forested areas surrounding it. It was sunset and very pretty. It reminded me a lot of the space Zukin and I found in Germany while biking one day.



The Next Level Cult

I was in some kind of survival game, or a spiritual/intuition test. A bunch of people were let into a big room with about 7 holes in the ceiling and ladders hanging down from them. We had to pick one of the ladders to go through. N (one of my students) was there but I don think I recognized anyone else. He was trying to reach one of the ladders but couldn't because he was too small. I lifted him up to it and then went to a spot where two ladders were in the far left corner. Almost everyone was choosing the ladder that had a platform to reach it, but something drew me to the other one. It wasn't a lot harder to get to or anything, so I didn't know why everyone was going up the other one. I had to fenangle just a little bit to reach it, and climbed up...

I came up into another room with a really tall ceiling. There was also some ledges. It was as if the room before had a huge box over it, if that makes sense. There was a very short (maybe a foot tall) fence down the middle of the room, which was made of spaghetti, or something else that wasn't all that strong. There were about 15-20 people on my side and lots of people on the other side. There was a voice through a speaker somewhere. It told us that anyone who tried to cross the fence in the middle would be thrown off the edge, into something deadly... The voice also told everyone on the other side of the room to go back home. Then the guy in charge of this event came up the ladder on our side, and greeted us as people who had good intuition. The ladder test was to weed out the people whose intuition wasn't good enough for the following tests and trials.

We all sat in a circle and he explained the point of this all to us. He said we would be feasting tonight... he was sitting between me and a guy I had met and been chatting to, and he seemed to be favoring us, like talking mostly to us, or at least looking at us more. Anyway, he said we'd be feasting and then looked right at me, ran his hand down my back to my waist. "Feasting," he repeated and I was just like "No." Very firmly.

He seemed put off but in a good way, as if I had impressed him, and moved to the girl sitting next to me and said "feasting?" She said hesitantly no. He tried a few more girls and then said something about us "not liking vampires too, I guess." I rolled my eyes and we were all thinking, ugh, Twilight. The Master said, "well, I mean, I read the first books." I had to confess that I had as well in high school. Then he talked about Bella birthing Renesme and this is where it got even weirder... He got on the floor and spread his legs, pretending to be giving birth, scooting around on the floor on his butt and making weird faces. "You'd pay to see that, right?!" We were all a little disconcerted. "Right?!" He was a little crazed here, and then he zeroed in on me again which made me feel super uncomfortable. It was as if he was targeting me more now, and planned to get me pregnant, then keep everyone here for 9 months to watch me have his baby... That or like he knew I was already pregnant or something. I was starting to think this guy was an insane creep... But this test was somehow important to complete.

We moved on to a new conversation though I can't remember the topic. I know that we broke off to do a series of tests but that whenever the Master stood up and held out his hands we were to create a linked circle. It got more and more cultish. Eventually we ended up at my house; we were competing in my driveway. One of us had a little chocolate-ish blob and the other was supposed to try to squish it. I was partnered with H (one of my students) who had just appeared there. H's blob started going down the driveway hill and I was able to pretty easily squish it, so I won and started up the driveway again. It had been all nice and warm and spring-like, but once I got to the top of the driveway, in front of the garage, there was snow on the ground. I was walking through it barefoot (we were all wearing barely anything by now; short shorts and tank tops with hair pulled up) and then the Master threw snow at me and it got in my left ear. He started throwing snow at all of us, and we weren't quite sure what to do about it. None of us were sure whether this guy was a mad creep or a genius.

I went into the porch but noticed a circle gathering in the garage, so I dropped my stuff and went to join the circle. We were all standing. The Master was standing opposite me and said, "everyone sit down." But even though i heard him clearly, at the same time there was a crystal clear, loud, strong voice in my left ear that said "Don't. Move." So I stayed standing. 3 or 4 other people stayed standing and the rest were sitting. All the sitting people closed their eyes and seemed to be asleep. The Master looked at each of us (one of them was the guy I met at the beginning and had a slight crush on) and was about to give further instructions (I knew now that I had passed some sort of spiritual or other-worldly test... I had been chosen, but I don't know what for) but I woke up.

It's strange, because I think I was in and out of waking throughout this whole dream. Like, I knew I was awake in bed even as I was in the dream. Two places at once, almost. It was strange.

1. I was outside of a huge facility. My dad and my friend John were with me. The entire outside of this facility was constructed of concrete. The sky was covered by huge thunderstorm clouds and rain was falling extremely heavy along with lightning. There is so much rain that the concrete I am standing on looks shiny and shows my reflection. Me, my dad, and John are all just walking around this facility and just chilling. Suddenly we all hear an extremely loud growl that doesn't sound human at all. I walk around a corner and sprinting towards me I see a giant 10 foot tall monster. This monster has gray skin, two bull horns, and red eyes, and its naked. This monsters legs are huge too, like he loved doing leg day. It looked as though he could easily squat at least a ton.
I immediately turn around because I do not want to be killed by this thing, and I start sprinting towards my dad and John. I turn the corner I came around before and start yelling at them, "He's coming, he's coming!!" in the hope that they realize that I wouldn't be running away from something if it weren't good. We are run the opposite direction of this beast, but he is catching up fast. All the while the thunderstorm above us is still going super strong. We turn another corner of the facility and we find a door to the inside. We open this door and run inside and close the door behind us. In this room, there are machines and all sorts of utilities everywhere. The lights are off and there is no other light in this room except for a red glow coming from two corners of this room.
We wait silently, but this monster isn't stupid. We can hear his giant footsteps quickly getting nearer. Right as the sound of the monsters footsteps get to the door of the facility, they stop. "Whew, that was a close one" I think to myself. But the monster isn't stupid. Suddenly he rips off the door to the room we are all in from the outside. Somehow we run out the door past the monster without him catching us. It's as though extreme luck was with us at that moment. Now the chase continues and we sprint away from the monster once more, except this time, the monster has someone else by his side: A small yellow hairless alien that runs on all fours like a monkey does.
Somehow, the monster and the alien catch up fast and they catch me. The monster grabs my body and kills me instantly. I then wake up in waking life.

The dreams I had just barely slipped out of my mind earlier today :/.

I've been slacking off in daily reality checks and general awareness these past few days. I gotta step it up.

Ritual: Last night I experimented for the first time with kava kava root (Piper methysticum). I had read many anecdotal reports that it instigated vivid dreams and perhaps even lucidity, so I thought it was worth trying out. I ordered some dried powdered root from an online herb and spice supplier that I trust. I don't have any doubts about the freshness and quality, as the package confirms that it was packed earlier this month and sourced from Vanuatu. I had read many reports of people complaining about the taste, describing it as "muddy," so I was surprised when I opened the package and encountered the most extraordinary and delightful fragrance. The plant is related to pepper, so it made sense that the scent would be peppery, but there was also something delicately floral about it and even a hint of wintergreen.

I had abstained from alcohol all day, since the two should not be consumed together, and my plan was to drink the kava before bed. I had a late dinner, ending at 11pm, so my plan was to give myself two hours to digest, then start drinking the kava at 1am and go to bed a few hours afterward (unless it made me too sleepy before that, which seemed like a distinct possibility). I don't like cold drinks late at night, but I read that you could warm kava gently without destroying its properties, so I adapted a recipe for "Mexican Hot Cocokavachocolate," blending two tablespoons of powdered kava kava (half what the recipe calls for, as I didn't want to overdo it my first time), two tablespoons of cocoa powder, agave syrup, a spoonful of cinnamon, and a generous pinch of cayenne with about two cups of almond milk (I skipped the vanilla extract suggested by the recipe because I didn't want to use even a tiny amount of alcohol). I blended this until it was frothy and then separated it into two mugs, putting one in the fridge—I planned to start with a minimal dose, and work up from there if it felt warranted. The other mug I heated briefly in the microwave, just enough to warm it, and then topped it with a dusting of grated Himalayan salt and freshly made whipped cream.

Okay, I'll admit I have a slightly weird palate (for instance, I *love* the taste of wormwood), but this was one of the most delicious dessert drinks I have ever tried in my life! It was so much better than regular hot chocolate; the spices and kava gave it exceptional depth of flavor and an unusual aftertaste. I didn't even need to strain it: I don't know if my powder was ground unusually finely or if the almond milk held it in suspension better than plain water, but it only added body, not grit, to the concoction.

I'm glad that I had done enough research to anticipate the curiously numbing, analgesic sensation that spread from my mouth all the down my esophagus, because that's the kind of thing that would really worry you if you didn't know it was supposed to happen! I sipped the kava very slowly over the next hour or so, to make sure my stomach didn't have any problems with this new experience. Everything was fine, and the onset of bodily relaxation came quickly, though my mind remained clear. After the first mug I felt like it would be fine to drink the second one I had reserved, so I slowly consumed that too. Despite the heavy feeling in my body, it never did make me drowsy, so I played SWTOR until 3:30am and then read DV and some LD books to prep for bed, retiring at 4:30am. I should note that I never felt any trace of euphoria, either, an effect that some had noted. That didn't bother me, though: my only interest was in enhancing my dreams.

Unfortunately, in that respect, the kava kava was a total bust. It was no different from any ordinary night of crappy dreaming: I was vaguely aware of dreaming most of the night, but my recall was terrible and what details I could specify were mostly mundane day residue. There was no sense of complex overarching plots, just lots of little random scenarios. Lots of people have written that kava helped them sleep more deeply and wake refreshed, but I didn't experience that either: I woke three times in the first several hours of sleep, which is typical, except that I felt much groggier than usual during those brief wakeful periods. At 9:00am I woke up and felt so unpleasantly lethargic, mentally as well as phsyically, and the dreaming had been so disappointing, that I decided to try to clear my head with an ample dose of piracetam. That stuff is amazing: to preserve its efficacy I save it for special occasions, but it always works really well to clear up any "brain fog."

Within fifteen minutes I was feeling complete mental clarity, so I decided to turn it into a proper WBTB. I added some L-theanine, alpha-GPC and bacopa and returned to bed using WILD technique. My focus was still subpar and I couldn't count effectively, so I initially fell into non-lucid sleep, but gradually became more aware of the dream as it progressed. There was no "aha" moment of lucidity, but I was definitely lucid by the end.

In conclusion, the kava kava didn't seem to improve my dreaming in the slightest, but at least it didn't suppress it either. If anything helped me get lucid, I believe it was the piracetam and other supplements I took at WBTB, because those I've had success with many times before. My recall was poor for most of the night, and even after waking up from the LD only the last scene was initially clear; recollection of the earlier incidents revived only after I started tracing back the course of events.

DILD, "Creating a Cat": I was hanging out with a friend, JM, and her young son. [DR: yesterday I had seen a picture of this kid that she had posted on Facebook.] The little boy was telling us a story about a butterfly who took care of him in the place he used to be. It sounded like he was talking about before he was born, and this reminded me of a book I had learned about last night, about a project to compile and investigate accounts of young children who claim to have memories of past lives. [DR: Jim B. Tucker, Return to Life, 2015.] After I mentioned the book to my friend, she told me about the time she took her son to an island off the coast of Wales (the named started with a 'T', something like "Tirnagal" or "Tiriagal") and he had started talking about how he used to live there. As she describes this, suddenly we both turn and stare as we hear the boy start speaking another language with the somber intonations of an adult. I have no idea what Welsh sounds like, but what the boy is saying definitely has the structures of a formal language—it is not just childish babble. The experience is so uncanny that I feel the hairs on my arms rise. Before I leave, I say to my friend, "The only thing I regret about not having a kid is the way it can sometimes provide unexpected insights into the human experience." [DR: This comment might also have been inspired by something I was reading last night, on p.163 of The Ego Tunnel, by Thomas Metzinger (2009), where he describes a toddler who falls and looks to his mother for social cues about how to emotionally react.]

I leave my friend's apartment and go outside. Now I'm on a beach. This is one of my most distinctive and common dream signs, despite the fact that I have little interest in beaches in WL and rarely visit them. I think it is related to the tide, a phenomenon that has always unsettled me. Despite the frequency and distinctiveness of this dream sign, for some reason it is one that I always have trouble recognizing as such. On this occasion I already have some degree of dream-awareness, but I lack awareness of that awareness, the metacognition that is characteristic of true lucidity.

As I'm walking along the beach, the sand looks soft and warm and comfortable, and I can't resist the temptation to lie down in it. Initially I am lying on my stomach, but then I roll onto my back, and feel as cozy as a kid making snow angels. I pause to reflect, why do you never hear of kids making sand angels? My comfort is soon disturbed by rippling in the sand... I notice that the whole beach is now billowing and subsiding, the dunes rolling like great waves. "Is it supposed to do that?" I vaguely wonder, and then a particularly large dune threatens to bury me, forcing me back on my feet to keep my balance. Though not quite lucid at this point, I have instinctive awareness of my mastery and control in this environment: I find it easy to "surf" these sand waves as they roll by underfoot. But they are getting even bigger, and I have the impression that the water is now rising rapidly as well, so I decide to find higher ground.

At the edge of the beach I find a stairwell leading up into a building. Getting into it takes some creative climbing, as there are various panels of transparent plexiglass serving as barriers, but I manage to circumvent them and get inside. The stairs emerge into the center of a dim, semi-industrial space, with narrow walkways on all four sides surrounding the wide pit formed by the stairwell in the middle of the room. No sooner have I gotten my bearings than a round hatch covering the end of a large pipe poking through the wall opens, and a humanoid creature crawls out. It is gollum-like, with huge bulging eyes. I don't want to be spotted, so I hold still and focus on being invisible. I feel a moment of relief as the creature initially descends the stairs, but it comes back promptly joined by a second person, a male human. As they approach the spot where I'm standing, I retreat into a corner to avoid them: even if they can't see me, they might blunder into me by accident if I'm not careful. On the bright side, having to strategize in this tense situation is improving my lucid awareness.

I reflect that my "invisibility" is just a mind trick: I am willing the DCs not to see me, and from their lack of reaction I assume it is working, but I can still see my own body plainly. This bothers me—at this point I'm a fairly experienced dreamer, so shouldn't I be able to dispense with a body? I've had no dearth of NLDs where I'm just a disembodied perspective, so surely I should be able to accomplish the same thing in my LDs. I decide to try to eliminate my dream body.

My body does obediently disappear from my field of vision, but the trouble is I still *feel* like I'm in a human body, with two legs, two arms, and two eyes located frontally in my head. If I have really transcended the body, I should no longer feel like I am mapped onto a human being. I conclude that I should begin subverting the pattern, and my first attempt is to try to shift my visual apparatus to floor level. This seems like it should be a fairly easy, basic task, but I find that I have trouble with it, maybe because I get caught up in questions like, well, if I'm not seeing out of physical eyes, then shouldn't my vision be even more radically different—unconstrained by frontality, for instance?

Meanwhile the man and gollum-like creature disappear into a side door, still apparently oblivious to my presence. I retrace my steps to the top of the stairs and examine the hatch that the latter had crawled out of. I consider going in there to explore, but decide that from the look of the creature and the size of the hatch, it will probably just be a cramped and uncomfortable network of tunnels. Instead I decide to follow the two through the side door.

I find myself in a large, open exhibition space with various vendors and booths. I pause for a moment to wonder why spaces like this are so common in my dreams. I don't know if this was a product of false memory or else better access to dream memory than I have in waking life, because at the time I was under the impression that I encountered such rooms on a regular basis; now that I'm awake I don't feel like they're especially common. At first I was just wandering around with no specific purpose, when it occurred to me that I shouldn't waste this opportunity to work on some tasks. There are a ton of things on my docket, but nothing especially pressing, so I thought over a few possibilities and decided to work on my Ars Magica forms and techniques—the other day I printed out the whole list of combinations and decided I should make it a long-term goal to try out all of them eventually.

I recalled that "creo animál" was the first one on my list that I had not tried, so I started intoning, "Creo animál!" I lengthened the syllables in a resonant voice, putting emphasis on the first syllable of "creo" and the last syllable of "animál." I repeated the invocation a few times in this manner, staring at an empty patch of floor. I didn't have a clear idea in mind of what kind of animal I wanted to create, but I thought I could leave that open for the dream to surprise me. However, nothing was happening. I thought perhaps I needed some raw materials, so I telekinetically lifted a nearby booth (hoping this wouldn't be too much inconvenience to the vendor) and pulled it into the space where I was working, then focused on compacting its form and shape into something suitable to my purpose. It folded itself up obediently until it was much smaller. However, I felt like I needed to impose a pattern on it since the dream wasn't responding with anything, so I arbitrarily chose the form of a cat. People started gathering around to watch the show as the booth finished its transformation, and now there was a short-haired black and white cat sitting stiffly on the floor. [In retrospect, the technique was closer to "muto" than "creo," since I adapted existing material rather than conjuring it from thin air.]

The newly-created cat was not moving, and did not seem capable of movement; it was like an empty shell of a cat, a living doll. This made sense, since I had created the body but not endowed it with sentience: I concluded that this would require a separate effect. Luckily this concurred with another task I needed to work on. "Creo mentem," I said, directing my words at the cat, and this time the effect resolved quickly: now the cat seemed to be capable of moving and perceiving its environment.

I wondered if "mentem" alone was sufficient: wouldn't that create something with the bland mental workings of a robot? Wouldn't I need to add "imáginem" to endow it with emotions and imagination, the "spark of life"? I wasn't sure, but I thought I'd better throw that in for good measure, so I intoned "Creo imáginem," focusing on giving the creature the capacity for emotions and inner life. Immediately I had doubts about whether this was wise. I don't know if my doubts were caused by the cat's behavior or if the cat's behavior was conditioned by my doubts, but whichever it was, the creature did not look pleased. It was lashing its tail in the way cats do when they're annoyed, and its face was contorted into a savage snarl. I wondered if throwing in "imáginem" had been overkill—emotions are not always pleasant, after all, and a creature so unexpectedly brought into existence might well be feeling upset and disoriented. Plus, I didn't even know if "imáginem," was necessary for a complete being; perhaps sentience was sufficiently specified by "mentem." [Consulting the Ars Magica rulebook now, I see that I misremembered the scope of of the Form: "imáginem" deals with sensations and illusions, not emotions and imagination. Though actually that makes the whole Form seem superfluous to the dreamstate, where there is no obvious difference between creating a thing and creating an illusion of that thing.]

I knelt down to have a closer look at my creation, and felt even more disturbed. There was something awful and abject about its face, a wound or rot-like distortion of its jaw that left the teeth clearly visible through its cheek. [DR: I realize this might also be day residue, because recently I was reading articles about the so-called "zombie cat" which came with graphic pictures of a similarly disfigured animal.] I decided that I should try to understand what this cat was experiencing, so I said, "Intéllego animál." I felt impressions of fear and rage coming from the poor creature, and guiltily realized that I must have screwed up somehow. It made it even worse that it was a cat, a kind of animal for which I feel a great love and sympathy.



With a sweeping gesture I willed all the effects I had invoked to disperse, effectively uncreating the cat. I didn't have a clear visual sense of the result (did the body simply disappear or did the vendor's booth revert to its former shape? I'm not sure), but at least I felt that the spell had ended. I looked up at the spectators who had been watching the whole event and sheepishly apologized: "It didn't want to be a cat. I'm sorry. It just didn't work out."

One woman spoke up in reply. Her words were uttered very calmly and slowly, emphasizing each of the adjectives, and I felt like she was subtly criticizing my actions: "People want to be fair, and dominating, and controlling, and diverting."

Morning of April 26, 2015. Sunday.



The time period seems to be the present. My wife and I, and seemingly at least two of our children, are in some sort of store that sells various older items at discounts or unusually low prices (or so it seems at first). I am not fully sure if it is a pawn shop. The location is mostly unfamiliar though may be implied to be the pawn shop on Targo Street that we have never been in or more likely the shop (now closed and replaced by a laundromat) that was near the corner in the Parkvue building on Bourbong Street, which we only ever walked past fairly often. I make plans to buy a movie projector (in good condition) that I become more and more interested in having for some reason that now escapes me. There are a couple other things I think I will buy, but I do not recall what they are - possibly related to optional projector items. I seem to be in about the center of the store near a table. I am aware that the cost may be as much as $2,000.00, but I think there may be a sale to where it is much cheaper or possibly at least paying in installments. However, after several minutes pass, I discover that the movie projector is actually $20,000.00 (even though I seemed fairly certain of the other price) and I become angry and somewhat confused, especially as I had already begun the process of purchasing it. I am obviously not going to buy it now, though there is residual ambiguity about the whole pricing system at the store even as I wake. My dream is not that well-rendered or cohesive.

3/28 - WILD-style entry but memory gap before entry. Nudge vibrations. Sound I decide will be shower and dream girl inside. Roll out of bed and despite poor visuals I interact with dream girl sexually. First G use, 4mg + 250mg C (commit to use it no more than once a week). #301

3/29 - DILD notice I am shirtless at a party in a library and realize I am dreaming. Float around vaulted ceilings above crowd. #302

3/31 vivid apple juice dreams! DILD in which I use my time stopping stop watch and have a sexual interaction.#303

4/1 FA caught DILD. Suspect sound of alarm being turned off is not waking life. Hall too dark - should mean this is a dream. See a sign on bottom half of home office door with moving visuals and know for sure I am dreaming. Phase outside and end up back inside later and stabilize by licking and touching wall. I decide I will find Girl Friday in the house and do under some blankets in a bedroom. Interact sexually! 304

4/2 Day practices: This really could be a dream!
I reach for a cat that fades away…aha DILD. Flying among interesting clouds as far as I can see. 305

DILD Hose being pulled…by who? See no one and head to front door…it's ajar…break in? I bet I'm dreaming. Float RC, yes! Ends trying to stabilize rubbing the ground. 306

DEILD Although I feel myself back in bed, I get the idea to imagine that I can still feel the ground I was rubbing and I can. Eye clench vibrations. Lots more ground rubbing. Eventually get classroom scene with cute blonde nearby and sexual interaction. 307

4/5 DILD guard messing with me and I use dream actions to attack him in a van. Lower level lucid. 308

DILD I go into my familiar hall bathroom but the toilet is gone..aha! Sexual interaction with Girl Friday and her mother. 2nd ever G experiment. Same 4mg/250mg G+C dosage. 309

4/9 DILD guy pops out and I think whoop him like in a dream…I am dreaming! I attack him with multiple combinations and the move on to dream goal peg 1. 310

4/10 DILD narrow stairs and black lady coming down them. Start to move aside and then realize I can just float over her…ah yes I am dreaming. Float up to next level and low head space and mostly crawl through interesting halls and rooms. Some interesting toys remind me of one of my favorite lucid dreams. Attempt dream goal peg 1. 311

4/12 After some trouble getting to sleep and memory gap I have a WILD style entry. Dream started in bedroom and continued in house and bedroom with some involved stabilization on street. Completed dream goal peg 1 (subconscious question..should I..? Answer: "If you want to." Dream felt like 10 minutes. 3rd G experiment same dose 4mg+250mg. 312

4/18 vibrations and WILD style. Sexy woman in short skirt. 313

4/19 WILD style entry and maybe held onto consciousness throughout - remember thinking it is taking a while to get to sleep. Vibrations, ethereal experience, no visuals but feel I'm in my dream body. I remember my previous embrace of Girl Friday in a non-lucid, the warm hug and I start to feel her again. I rub my hands up and down her back to bring us both firmly into the same space. We have a very sensual, sexual interaction. Eventually vibrations and a fade back to bed. 314

After some minutes of patience, which is unusual for my DEILDs, normally feeling that if it doesn't happen in a matter of seconds that it won't...so perhaps more WILD than DEILD. Involved some eye clenches to nudge the vibrations…guessing some waking eyes and some dreaming eyes doing the clenches. The rest here: http://www.dreamviews.com/tasks-mont...ml#post2156310 315

Similar set of playing with vibrations and then backing off trying to let the vibrations ride on their own. So many voices. After a while I find myself at a busy conference. Rest at the same link above, TOTM. This was my 4th experiment with G + C and the first at a dosage of 8mg and 500mg. 316

4/24 DILD running down this beautiful wide set of stairs I am easily able to jump down to the next flight and 2 flights on the next jump fully realizing that I am dreaming. Joyfully float down to a huge open lobby area. Later FA where I am telling someone about the dream. 317

4/26 I seem to go in and out of lucidity for a good length of dreams with many sexual interactions and experiences. 2nd time with upped dose G + C 8mg and 500mg. 318

26.04.2015

Shuffle of dreams - summary only (Non-lucid)

NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID

As usual, I am missing to write a ton of dreams... I am traveling and that halves my time, so I summarize a few ones from previous days:

- There was a military boat with all the evil of the world. I had a cannon to sink it and all the evil of the world would end.

- I could "bond" with birds holding them on their paws. I did with a tiny bird and I could fly, the little bird lifitng my wight.

- I was a monkey in the sabannah.

- I had people sleeping in my own hotel room.

- I merged somehow with a video game and I saw giant creatures around buildings.

- I saw a huge forest that had a ton of Ganon walking around. It was dangerous to go around even though they did bother no one. People ended up killing them and I felt how pathetic was the human being.

#433 - DILD - 5:18AM

I am traveling with a group of people. An old pastor from a very long time ago was leading us. He kept saying something about getting to Atlantic City. My wife's cousin is talking about winning a lot of cash at the casino and wanted to go his own way and meet up with us later. I interrupt, "Atlantic City? Is that in Georgia?" The pastor said it's actually in another galaxy. I get excited about this idea.

The next thing I recall is I need to change my clothes. My wife is in the room with me and as I grab a pair of jeans she tells me this is all a dream. I pause feeling unsure about it, but noticing how wavy and blurry my jeans look. She goes on, "Yeah. You should totally try changing your clothes in a dream. It would make a cool task." I look up and see myself in a mirror on a dresser and my face is highly distorted. Ok I believe her. Wow, that really cool my wife told I was dreaming! I decide I may as well try her lucid task suggestion and slowly and meticulously put my jeans on. I think about cheating with dream control, but I really want to get this. I pull my shirt off and put on a new one with some difficulty but manage to get it done.

I follow my wife around checking out the dream environment and talking to people for what feel like a very long time. However, nothing super interesting happens here and I forget most of it.

I see my plant manager at some point and decide to show off some dream control to him. I tell him I can levitate, but he gives me an uncharacteristically animated look of disgust when I cant do it. I see some dice on a wire rack next to us. I say, "OK then watch me juggle." I get the same look when my dice float of in various directions not matching my hand movements. I try again, "OK FINE. TK!" There are some boxes of cereal now in the wire rack. With great effort I get them to fall over. Just then, I hear a loud siren and my wife yelling at me, "It's time to go!" Startled and without thinking, I turn around and run toward her.

We are outside now with other people, my wife is standing to my right. I am told we are about to board the space ship, but as I look at the sky I see a very bright and colorful sunset behind large fluffy clouds. I look at in it awe and the clouds fade away reveling a wormhole. I see now that It's not a sunset at all but the light emanating from the anomaly itself. My wife is saying something about entering it to Atlantic City, but I don't pay her attention. I am way to transfixed by the beauty of the thing in the sky. I ask myself why I don't just fly in there right now as I begin to levitate. I put my hands in front of me expecting to fly, but I can't move. Instead I focus on being close and I teleport to the wormhole up close. I sort of get the image of look at a digital picture up close and can almost see pixelation. I ignore this and fall in head first.

I drift silently in a void and hope that I'm not actually waking up. I feel myself weightless and slowly flipping end over end in a fetal position. I enjoy the feeling and stay frosty like it's just another OBE episode. I keep thinking of when Cooper entered the black-hole in Interstellar, hoping for a similar experience. I really hadn't thought of a destination and now I just rely on my subC to bring me out anyplace I can. I get a brief visual of some man looking down. I don't notice now, but later I'll realize it was Cooper himself. The visual returns in flashes alternating to dark void. I focus on seeing intensely and quickly find myself laying on a floor next to a crying baby. Cooper is there tending to another identical baby. I just want the baby to quiet down so I can think and find a bottle. The baby doesn't want the bottle at first so I try it myself. The milk tastes good. My father instincts kick in and I cuddle the baby close to me and try the bottle once more. The baby seems content now. I wake up.

Bloodbath and alien hunting

With two friends we took sawed-off shotguns, and wanted to make a small bloodbath. Everything looked like a DOS FPS game. We were chasing eachother in an old village. Running through old cathedral, empty streets and abandoned sections of the village.

It was quiet. I knew that they have allied against me, and are preparing an ambush. I decided to enter sewers, go out of it in a nearest building, and take dark alleys. I wanted to make my own ambush at a crossroad, on top of one building.

I got out of alley, and something jumped in front of me. It was xenomorph from Alien movie. I tried to shoot it down, but it resisted my shots. It grabbed me in its hands and eaten me. After a few seconds I respawned in a place far away from that crossroad.

I heard screams. They must've met the alien. I waited, but they haven't respawned. Mad, I wanted to avenge my friends, and went on a rampage against the alien.

Morning of April 26, 2015. Sunday.



I am completing an algebra ii task on a TI-84 Plus graphing calculator. It is the most recent task worked on in real life and results in the drawing of a dragonfly using several graphed equations. However, the apparent result is an actual dragonfly that emerges from the front edge. I feel slightly guilty at creating a couple malformed dragonflies that may suffer for a short time before dying. One is too big since I forgot to reset the zoom to the default and as a result, its wings are slightly truncated though it seems to become more intelligent and manages better than the other ones. I am unsure if the buzzing that begins to occur is coming from one of the dragonfly’s wings or from the calculator shorting out, as a small flame shoots from the side with a “pop”. Perhaps a battery has exploded, but this does not seem to be the case.

---

Typified as having exit flight waking symbolism as the dragonfly emerges from calculator and flies away. Critical thinking skills waking prompt present (calculator). No failed flight symbolism as first malformed dragonflies not verified to have died. There is an association with neural energies as the “buzzing” insect

---

1. I had just walked inside of a theater and was looking around to see what movies were playing. The inside of this theater was almost all a deep maroon color. The walls were this color as well as the floors and curtains(which I have no idea why there were curtains here). I was with my family and my dad had told us earlier that certain theaters were already showing the new Avengers movie. Like I said, I was walking around to see if this theater had it.
This movie theater was split into different sections. One section was the main area with all the food and condiments and seats, and all of the other sections where for the showing of a certain movie. I walked through the main area and into one of these movie showing areas. As I walked into this random area, I see a huge line that wraps around and almost goes out into the main area(I know, there are alot of areas). I walk to the back of the line and as I do so I look at a sign at the front of the line to see what movie is playing. The sign does not have the Avengers on it, so I get out of the line and leave. As I am about to walk out of this showing area, I encounter a tall middle aged man wearing a yellow shirt, blue jeans, a hat, and glasses.
"You were looking for the Avengers too weren't you?" he asks. "Yeah, but they don't have it" I reply. "Say, aren't you also a lucid dreamer?" he asks. "Yeah I am, I've been looking around and constantly checking to see which reality I'm in for a while now" I tell him. He smiles and there is a brief pause between us. "Wait a second, I'm in a dream right now! Nice!" I say and then I immediately walk away from him and start to do my own thing. Now I am fully lucid. Suddenly though, my vision seems to have diminished and now I am half blind as though I had forgotten to put my glasses on. I don't stop and think how to fix it. Instead I start trying to do other things without fixing it, and this doesn't work very well.
Once I realize that I'm not going to be able to do much without fixing my vision, I stop and believe that my eyesight will correct itself automatically. "My eyesight will correct itself" I repeat to myself many times. But it does not work because I do not truly believe that it will. My belief is weak and therefore my vision stays the same. I give up(wow, never again will I give up on something so simple) and I start thinking of things to do. The first thing that comes to my mind is to create a portal and walk through it in the hope that where ever it takes me, I will be able to see clearly again. I start willing a portal to appear in front of me. Suddenly a blue portal with a silver rim starts to manifest. I can see it forming, but at the same time I can't. Like with my vision, I give up thinking I can't do it(Never going to give up again). The next thing that comes to my mind is a girl.
I put my focus on this girl and call out her name. Nothing happens and I knew that nothing would happen because I didn't truly believe in myself once again. Suddenly I get transported into my room and everything becomes super crystal clear that I think that I have awoken into waking life, but I haven't and I am still inside the dream. I look around my room and see that my bed sheets are exactly what they look like in waking life. I start to check everything else in my room when suddenly something wakes me up for real.

April 15, 2014

WHO?
I was at my house, and needed to do something... but I couldn't remember how to do it. I knew that Gosling knew how to do it, though. So I called him. He picked up the phone and I said "Hey-" and he just says, "Oh hey, Kestrel. Your number came up in my contacts as "WHO?" on the caller ID!" I was surprised he knew my number and amazed that he recognized my voice.


Long Beer Run
I was planning a party for the co-op Zukin lives in, and I had to go get some booze. But the store was really, REALLY far away. AND I got lost on the way there. After coming up along a huge lake, I turned the wrong way and ended up in the wrong town completely.

April 17, 2014

Union Troubles
I was at an airport with Zukin and at least one other person, on the way back home after a trip. The job fair at the Union was the next day, so I was nervous... We were sitting at a restaurant/cafe before our flight, when I recognized my ex's voice. He was talking to someone back home, and said something about a dead body still being in the middle of the Union floor. I was worried that the job fair would be canceled because of this, and so I was frantic to get back home.


Jammie Party
I was in this huge building with lots and lots of people. We were all in our PJs. It was like some massive sleepover. I was moving from room to room, flirting with lots of different people (this is so not me IWL. I'm way too awkward to flirt with people). Toward the end of the dream, I had to go back to the main room, and I sat in a different spot from where I'd been before, to see if the guy I had my eyes on noticed... I don't think he did. Then there was an OK Go concert. I was indifferent-ish, which surprised me when I woke up.

April 18, 2014

Gasping
I was in a huge pool. It was big enough to have waves and tides... I was staying at the edge of it because I didn't want to get lost. I had found a shoe at my Oma's house, and two people were testing it to see whose it was... I remember feeling confused and wondering why they needed to even test it. Like, did they honestly not know which one of them owned it? Wasn't one of them missing a shoe and that's all they needed to know? Was this shoe really that important...?
They had huge boards and water chalk. They needed to dive under water and then use the chalk to sketch the bottom of the shoe... I don't really know what this would accomplish, but hey, dream logic! So we all dove down. I was watching them do the test. But one of them had a detachable nose... It was some medical thing he'd had when he was a kid. Now he pretty much had a fake nose but when it came off, he would bleed a lot. Well every time he dove, his nose came off and he would lose a lot of blood... He also couldn't breathe when the nose was off.
I had been watching, but then I was him. I was sinking, slowly, and couldn't breathe. Well, I could breathe out, but not in. I reached out for someone to help me, but no one was there now. The surface of the water was getting farther and farther away and even when I tried to swim up, I couldn't. I saw a person near me and grabbed them so they knew I was drowning, but they didn't know what I was trying to do...
I woke up gasping for breath. It was pretty scary....


Huge Stores
I was in a huge hardware store. At the back were some work rooms... they were also huge. It's kinda hard to describe; they weren't only huge, they were multi-leveled and there were lots of windows and ledges and ramps. Ian was in one of them, trying to split a large stone slab to reveal a beautiful opal inside it. I had split slabs before, so I helped him. But I ended up breaking the opal... He said it was fine, but I felt so horrible about it. I left, and wandered the halls of the store. there was a videogame section for some reason. I walked through those aisles, which had glass cabinets as if it were a frozen foods aisle... They had some really old, rare videogames and I felt like I was in heaven.


Drunk Hiking Trip of Horror
I was hiking drunk with my dad and two of his friends. But we got separated; my dad and I were in one spot, and the other two had gone a different way... We found out one of them had died, and the other had set up a camp there to wait for morning, but coyotes had attacked and eaten them both... Dad and I managed to make it to the car, and spent the night in it. The next morning we had to hike back down the mountain because the car was out of gas.
We were going to go back to find the car and the other guys' bodies, so we were packing our hiking bags for the trip. Apparently all we needed was alcohol because we needed to be drunk to find this place. Good old daddy-daughter bonding, there.

April 22, 2014

Turkey-Peacock-Men
I was at home with my mom and dad, and two turkeys were walking around in the yard... except they seemed to me more like peacocks. We watched them as one of them came up to the window and displayed his big feathers at us. He was green, and the other one was red. I was worried that the window would break because the green one was banging its head on it...
I notice that the red one has gone to the windows to the bedrooms, and it looks like he is trying to take off the screens, so I go over there to shoo him away. When I get there, both of them are there, but they're human guys now. The red one is called Oro and the green one Shiki. They make me a deal, and take me to a special school because I've been chosen.
When I get to this school, I am a kid again. Maybe 1st grade or so... I enter this new class with Oro and Shiki, who have also become kids. All of my students are in this class as well. One of them introduces me to the organization of the school; which was zero. Everything was put willy nilly around the classroom, and you had to pretty much guess what was in drawers and containers. It was also okay to chew gum and then threw the gum and people or across the room.
About half-way through the year, the teacher decides it's time for me to be put in a couple-pair. She puts me with Oro. Apparently couple-pairs are paired through the whole school career; Oro and I were partners forever pretty much, and it was almost definitely decided that we would eventually get married, too.
Flash forward and we're about to enter college or grad school. I was about my own age again. Oro kissed my neck and then said, "First I kiss you lips... then I kiss your neck. Do you know what happens next?" He also said something about it always being him that kisses me, that I never kiss him. Which was not true... Either way, I kissed him on the cheek and then I lick his neck. He took my hand and we were about to go to our room and have sex for the first time or something.

April 15, 2014

Save the Elderly!
I was living at Zukin's Co-op, and apparently there was a rumor going around that I was into much older people of either sex. Everyone was worried about the elderly people in the area, bwahaha. They though I was going to attack the elderly. But really I was into this muscular, tall black guy who lived at the co-op, who always talked to me and helped me out. Like I was seriously thirsty for him. I was about to ask him to my room when I had to help one of the housemates braid her hair instead.

W.I.L.D. Attempt #4 ~ Since 4 Days Ago, When I Started Lucid Dreaming Again
T.O.T.Y. (Task of the Year) God Of Wine & Extra Adventure Dream
~ Dream #1 ~
100% Lucidity

Approximate Real Life Time: A few minutes

Approximate Dream Time: A few days

Backstory:
At this point in time, I have already woken up many times. In waking life, my physical body was so hungry I had to quit the first dream, and do the God of Wine ToTY quickly.
I live high up in an apartment building.

Story:
I wake up from my bed, and as usual my brain doesn't start any dreams during REM Antonia, lazy brain. I knew it was a lucid dream, so I jumped out of my 2-story bunk bed to the carpet from the second story of my bunk. I looked outside my window. I saw the bright, warm sun glowing in my eyes. It was surrounded by a blue, clear sky with few, tiny clouds. I melted ( went through ) through the window. I floated for a few seconds, and opened a portal into a swampy forest. I looked at the great, dark green wilderness around me, and the low depth of water on the floor of the forest. All I wanted was to have a great adventure, and journey across many lands in one world. While I was thinking about that, I slashed by a sword through my arm. I noticed a dark figure in front of me, and as I started to grab my long sword out of a scabbard, and raised in front of me. I wanted to keep going on this adventure, but I am really hungry in real life, so I decided to save my progress in this dream, and do one of the ToTY Tasks. I opened up a white menu out of nowhere, and I pressed "Save progress" with a saving disk next to it. I closed my eyes. [View the continued version of this dream here.]

Dream Shift.

I opened my eyes, and I saw Dionysus in front of me across a long, wooden table covered with a white cloth. Many people were around us watching us. Dionysus, the wine god, challenge me to a drinking contest. I chuckled, and I agreed. I decided to cheat, because it wasn't specified whether we were allowed to cheat or not. I took my first glass and drank it. I cheated by putting a portal in my mouth, so I didn't technically drink it. However after many drinks, I started to feel drunk and dizzy. I didn't how that was possible. I could see Dionysus also as drunk as me. I thought, "What kind of wine is this?" It was a contest made by a Greek God, so he probably setup anti-cheating measures. I decided to keep going on. As I drank more and more, I started to feel dizzier and dizzier. I blacked out, but I keep going even when I was blacked out. I had to beat him. When I finally regained conscious, I saw Dionysus smiling at me. I didn't know whether I won or lost. I still very lightheaded. Dionysus says that I won, but I was still drinking. Our contest lasted a few days, and during the late night, there would be the most audience watching, and the fewest in the morning. When I woke up, it was early morning, and Dionysus says I won him by a few hours, and laughed because I drank 304 more cups after I had legally won already. When he woke from his black-out, he was watching me drink more and more. We both agreed that I had won, and that he is willing to challenge me again. I forced myself to wake up.

Dream End.

I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a drink and something to eat. I took out orange juice and poured it in my glass. I swore that if it tasted like wine, I would hate myself for doing that challenge first. Luckily, it tasted fine, and I continued with my daily routine.

Remember to comment your thoughts (if you want to)!

A type of school

I was in this sort of school. I was in a room that didn't really seem like a classroom and I was the only one in it and I was in the only desk. A teacher, who I could sense behind me, was giving instructions, and I thin he was teaching me a language. It seemed to be summer school, though I forgot what made me think that. I left the desk and went to another classroom and there were 3 other people with me. There was a girl, a fat person and someone else. We did something there and sat in the hallway to eat lunch. I forgot what else happened in this dream.

League of Legends

This dream was actually part of the last one but I decided to separate them because unless you play the game you really won't understand what's happening here.

I was in bottom lane playing the role of AD carry on blue team. I was in the same perspective as the game but I didn't have a physical body. I was playing as Striker Ezreal and my support was Blitzcrank. He was tower diving the enemy AD carry so I decided to tag along. Blitz grabbed him but he somehow went towards him instead and the AD carry went to the position Blitz was. I tried to Q him but the Mystic shot just barely missed, so we went around the tri bush. But the enemy team, led by a Riven with a resource bar similar to the Rek'sai and Tryndamere have came along. Weirdly enough, they didn't acknowledge my presence so while Blitz died I was able to get away by E-ing over the wall to a blue buff with the same terrain as the purple team's red buff. I wanted to try and escape somewhere else from here, but decided to recall (Recall is a spell in the game, I don't mean to recall the dream).

Video Games

I was inside a room with my brother's friend watching me play what was suppose to be
a Wii U game I think. But instead of using the remote I was controlling the character with my body. I was on
rainbow road running and jumping trying not to fall as I collected the rings. The game made me think it was a mix
of Mario kart and sonic. Than after that the game and room changed. I was now playing a game where i was a cave man and had to collect clothes and meat until i arrived at the end of the game.There were obstacles in the game too so it
was kind of difficult. Than my cousin came and asked me if she could play. I told her no and she asked again so i had
to tell her no many times till she stopped.

After that my younger brother came in and my older brother switched the game to what was supposed to be a new super smash bros melee game. I was excited because my younger brother came in and was going to play. I hugged him than chose my character which was a big male jaguar/wolf that could walk. My younger brother chose the character 114 Parakeets. I was surprised and asked him if he chose the 104(Even though it read 114) Parakeets character because he was playing with me. Than i laughed and said how weird it would be if there was actually 104 parakeets flying around in the game.(The 114 Parakeets character was just a guy with a shirt saying 114 Parakeets, not lots of birds flying around)

After that we started fighting on a plane that seemed like star fox's ship, flying in a clear sky. I used the Jaguar/Wolf character I had to pick up my opponents pressing down and B.(We had game cube remotes in hand playing the melee game) Than I was going to throw them off. The Jaguar/Wolf began talking about how it was eager to throw them down and laugh in their faces. My brother's friend and my older brother began screaming telling me not to throw them down. I didn't know how to release them down hard so i tried tossing them but they were able to jump back on the ship. I told them it was cause i didn't know ho to do it than woke up.

Another Dimension

I was inside a room with a little boy and his sister. The boy was misbehaving so the sister tried correcting him but he didn't want to listen. There was also a little girl that came into the scene and she wasn't listening either. Her dad came and made her listen. After that I don't really recall what happened. I think I left and started thinking about dreams and an old childhood friend who I will call H.

The dream began to change and I ended up finding H, my brothers, dad and tall, cool looking anime boys that had purple, light blue, black, red and yellow hair.They were supposedly rich and from another dimension that was a secret. I thought they might have entered from another dimension into the dream world and was excited to meet them.

I started talking to the guy with red hair and he seemed interested in me so i decided i would do my best to make him my bf. I sang a song with him, ate food with him which i thought was Japanese curry and rice and played with him riding on his back. But when i went to another room to talk to H or my younger brother and went back to the room he was gone. I asked the other guys where he might have gone but than decided to go look for him on my own.

I left the place and started walking around what seemed like a beautiful mansion where rich people lived. I start to think where the rest of my family might be inside this huge place and go into the bathroom. I stay there because i start to notice that what I'm wearing is a bit too short. I walk back outside and can hear my cousin and brother's friend talking in a certain room. Than i race down the stairs and end up running into a man who thinks of me as a circus slave/Prostitute. He wants me to go on stage. I tell him no and that i could do what i want in my dream state. I run trying to escape the group of people he shouted to grab me.

I become even more aware after that and decide that when i get outside i would stop running. I end up inside a outside yard. Not much grass but mostly cement and fences around in the rectangular yard i'm in. There are other buildings around it and I find a character that makes me think of Jadegreen. We end up talking about something than I start to notice as I'm hovering in the air another character. I tell her she looks like a shorter version of Manei and overall feel like she is. I tell her to follow me as i'm flying and say "Achi, Achi, Achi! follow me!" without really thinking about it. I apologize to her for calling her that. It just came out. She doesn't seem to mind and I start to think about how maybe i called her that because i heard the word in japanese "Achi" when i watched a video talking about "kocchi" a long time ago.

Anyways I think about Dawn than suddenly a dog runs up to me. I hug the dog that is now licking my face and start to think what if Dawn is the dog. Manei and another person now look at me with a weird look on their faces. I tell the dog to stop licking me than think about looking for that anime character again. The scene ends up changing though and I'am now viewing a news report of a school building in japan that has caught on fire. There was a Japanese girl on the floor thinking of her best friend as she lay on the floor with her broken leg. After that I appeared near what was suppose to be the school but in the future when it was rebuilt. I noticed a girl character staring at me from the park.

A narrator figure announced that she was from the past and that she was madly in love with me. I was upset with that thought and started thinking what if Dawn was really a girl on the inside and wanted to be with me but in the form of a girl. It made me feel uncomfortable to think about that so i decided to fly far away from the dc. I flew through narrow places as the girl chased me telling me to wait and to come back. As I was flying the place was getting darker and it made me feel kind of scared but I decided I would be brave in this dream.I ended up flying into a huge car tunnel and saw a anime boy trying to turn away a large fish that was flying in the area. It was pretty cool to watch but I got the feeling that I wanted to go home and find Eye or the real Dawn.

I flew out the tunnel with home in mind and ended up downstairs. It was dark and I felt like really calling for Eye but decided not to. i ran up the stairs and looked at the window. There was little light outside. I opened the front door than saw a transparent thing in the small hall that had the stairs that led to the other neighbors place. I closed the door and decided not to go outside. I went into the middle of the living room and decided to pull Dawn into the dream through a floor portal. I concentrated on Dawn's energy and put both my arms through the floor. I felt something and i slowly got a signal of a red energy. I thought this was a bad thing because i didn't want Dawn to be a bad entity.

I let it go but than decided to just pull it out full force anyways. The person I pulled out was all red and i felt it was taking my energy so i let go of it. "Dawn, are you stealing my energy?" I asked. It transformed into a small baby and tried hugging me. I pushed it away and thought about where i went wrong in my way of thinking. I made a small prayer for my dream to be clean when i couldn't get the baby to go away. A small piece of the dream setting broke when i did that and the baby fell in and didn't move. As if it was dead. After that I appeared in a small kitchen where a lady asked her daughter if she wanted tuna fish for dinner. Than I woke up.