pixieparty

In the past two weeks, the dreams have been intense, but I did not write any of them down.

In one, Boden didn't recognize me and didn't want anything to do with me. Boden, if I haven't mentioned him yet, has been with me from the beginning of my lucid dreams. I tried to get his attention. It was heartbreaking. Like I didn't exist to him. Like I was now so unrecognizable he couldn't fathom my being "good enough" to know his name. I felt crushed.

In another, I don't know who they were, but one was a young woman (feisty), the other a man around my age. I had to leave in a hurry and ended up walking around the city in the dark, in the rain, in a minidress and a flannel shirt the man lent me because it was cold outside. Every hotel I came to turned me away.

Sometimes I dream of just walking away from it all. Leave behind the stress I'm always under. I have nowhere to go and in the dreams it always seems to catch up to me (ain't that something?). Well, life recently has caught up to me. It's a constant struggle. The dreams I have are the only outlet I have available.

Lucid dreams I can go anywhere and drop any worry. I have friends who actually want to talk to me or spend time with me or just support me. Real life is so different. If I could choose a world to live in, it would be the dreams.

-Pix