NIGHTLYvisitor

My last entry was a little pitiful but I am moving forward from it. I haven't slept well the last few nights. I keep waking up feeling like I have drank ten shots of coffee. I just lay awake, but unable to focus. I have had small, VERY small, clips of dreams however.

I am gliding along water.
I found this dream to be the best I have had as of late. I do not know if it is the same as flying but it is what I would imagine it to be like now.

That is all I am going to add for now because everything else is too fragmented and interrupted for me to remember, no matter how hard I try.

I haven't been on in a while due to night terrors and other problems due to my epilepsy getting in the way but I am here now, and I feel like I want to do this more than ever. I started this process because of my night terrors and now they are back with a vengeance and I wish I knew the reason. I could make a few guesses but I really think none of them would suffice.

I dreamt of a a girl (that I don't remember remembering) being raped.
I dreamt that I literally blew up my cousin. She used to be my best friend and I seemed to be happy about it in this dream. It may sound stupid in writing but sadly (and pathetically) it isn't.
I dreamt of my brothers death.
I dreamt that I was crying and crying and running and crying and couldn't escape whatever was chasing me.


I started this to escape this dreams where I ran. Not only that but also to maybe escape the boredom of my life and the sadness i felt. As these nightmares hit me with a new, and almost fresh, sting I can't help feeling helpless. Since I don't seem to be getting any better at what I am doing. I hope that this changes. and that I don't lose hope. And that I can defeat this thing devouring me every night.

As i type this and I know no one will read it I feel comfortable with that. I never really felt like anyone heard my call in the first place. But I will be fine.