NBF's DJ

Real-life situation: I've just found out my lifeboat dayjob is drying up (no more rent-paying work for me).

Recurring dream theme: I'm still working at my old regular-hours job in a hospital psychology department while doing tech writing on the side. (In real life, I left the hospital job 11 years ago and now pay my rent through tech writing for one client only while building up a resume, reel and contacts as an actor - which is scary but it's what I love to do.)

The dream: I've just come back from two weeks' vacation where I'm on set. I'm swimming from central Toronto back to the outlying area where the job was. I'm in a lake swimming close to shore, with a swimming coach calling out that these waves can be high - four feet high! - and to watch out for whales. Suddenly I feel a slimy, living presence pressing upward against me as I'm swimming. It seems to be a whale, but then I notice it's a manatee. Only I don't think of the word manatee - I think "cow-fish". This cow-fish follows me and rubs up against my leg like a cat.

The cow-fish follows me out of the lake. I climb up and find a towel hanging on a hook and dry myself off. I'm at the doorway to the hospital. I go in - discreetly, because I know I didn't tell Human Resources that I'd be off for two weeks - and try to find my office.

My office walls have been torn down and when I open the door, I'm outside in an enclosed courtyard. There are plants and carefully cultivated soil. I decide to go by the office of Joni, the receptionist there in the 80s, and try to find out what's going on.

On the way, Dan comes out of the men's washroom. I say hi to him. He stops me. "Navy," he says, "in this department, we have a policy concerning attendance. So far this year, you've been delinquent in attendance for 1057 days."

"What?" I answer. "No - look, I just got back - I'm looking for Joni. I can't deal with this at the moment. I'll talk to you about it later."

I find Joni, about to talk paperwork to the chief psychologist in the corner office. Meanwhile, I'm looking for my cats. Gonzo, the male cat, is in my office growling at the cow-fish, which now looks like a black foot-diameter cross between an angelfish and a terrier.

I grab a big tupperware container and go into the supply room to find Mimsie, the female, Gonzo's littermate. She's nowhere to be seen. Finally my sister Berta shows up and says, "I hope you don't mind - I substituted your big tupperware containers with these smaller ones. I didn't - you know - (shudder) - want you to - put a cat into something that food would be stored in later - you know?"

Ahhh, got it. I made another mistake.

A 12-year-old boy spots Mimsie in the supply room. "She's on top of the cow-fish!" he cries.

I put Mimsie into the small container, which has a bit of water in it. It's a tight squeeze, but she's only a five-month-old kitten. Then I go to talk to Joni. She's been crying. I ask her what's wrong and she says, "I'd only show these tears to you. I didn't get the kids."

I have no idea what she's talking about, but I sympathize and squeeze her arm. I offer any help I can. Then I tell her Dan just pretty much fired me. She smiles through her tears and says, "Great!! Now you can throw yourself full-time into what you've always wanted to do." We're hugging. She continues, "I mean, you're in your late 50s..."

"Late 40s," I correct her smilingly. I'll fight for those extra ten years!

I pass by Dan, who is sitting in one of the very informal meetings we're having, and he's shushing me. He starts talking about how I show up whenever I please and wear jeans and bring my cats to stay at work. "Aw, for God's sake, Dan," I retort, "Seth shows up carrying a bat and wearing a baseball cap! And Brianna with that piano in her office? Things have never been strictly protocol around here!!"

We get into a physical fight. I pull some martial arts moves on him. Someone pulls us away from each other.

I yell after him, "So you really are the Frank Burns of this Mash unit!!" Pause. "I said that to Seth 20 years ago during my first week!"

He's ignoring me. I go into my office to find Gonzo. By this time, Mimsie's head has swelled with water and she's turned into liquid. I quickly open the container, find her chest, and to CPR on her. The swelling in the head turns out to be a waterlogged white mouse that's stuck to her forehead. As soon as I remove the mouse, she stirs and awakens. She sees Gonzo, who is a full-grown cat, and she immediately grows to adult size.

My mom shows up from where she works in administration. I let her know what's going on. "I'm not in the mood to hear any whining," she says. "We have to go."