Mydera

I've always been interested in dreaming, but this is the dream that got me motivated to learn more about it and ultimately led me to discover lucid dreaming. This is also the first dream that K, my only re-occurring non waking life DC, made his first appearance. I'm going to copy paste the dream as I wrote it out and sent to my bff that morning when I woke up. I'm not going to change much, just take out the names and maybe add a couple of notes in italics that I think are relevant or interesting to note. There are also notes I wrote to her in () throughout the dream. The dream is written to her, so there's lots of "you know"s and such, so I apologize in advanced for how hard it will be to read. Still I am afraid of rewriting it and ruining the authenticity of it, as when I recall it in my mind these days I'd usually slightly different from this recount I wrote to her.

The first point I can remember I was playing Mini golf with my dad. (This is something we used to do when I was really little and we'd go to the beach, surprising that it came up in a dream this late in life, lol) So I'm trying to get the ball through a windmill hole. You know the type with the windmill that moves and knocks your ball away from the tunnel to the hole. And my ball is yellow, and as I try to punt it through, it goes JUST inside the windmill and stops and starts rolling backwards b/c it's a slight hill. As it's slowly moving backwards, a blue ball flies by me and hits my ball knocking my ball back into the windmill and the two balls get stuck inside the windmill. I turn around to see whos ball it was b/c I didn't recognize it as my dads, and there's this guy standing there with a smug look on his face and a hat on his head with like crazy fluffy hair. (by crazy fluffy, I meant frizzy... like he had curly hair and had straightened it with a straightening iron... it was straight, but wanted to poof out at the bottoms)And in my dream, I've got memories of the guy so I "know" him. In my dream I remember a bunch of stuff all at once, half the memories are really sweet (like hugging me to make me feel better, and even sleeping next to him) but the other half are pretty arrogant (like he acts like he's better than me whenever he ends up showing that he cares b/c he doesn't want to let on or is embarrassed about it. Not really sure how to explain that so I hope that made sense!) Anyways, I get all huffy b/c he knocked my ball and got it stuck, and I'm all "What are you going here?" and he gets all smug and arrogant and says, "You didn't think you would actually make it in the hole did you? I just saved you the trouble of failing over and over again." I glare and then start to stomp off, and my dad asks me who he is, and I tell him he's just a jerk I know, and the guy makes a sarcastic "I'm hurt" type response and then we walk off. Then the dream kind of fast forwards, I know that we finished up minigolf and then went to the mall to check out a new video store or something, but I don't remember any great details, just that I was still hanging with my dad at this point and that the guy was pretty much leaving me alone. Then in the dream I wanted to go to hot topic or something and my dad was looking at music that I don't listen to, so I told him I was going to go look around and to call me when he was ready to leave. I leave, and get about three stores down and the guy from before is siting on a bench a good couple hundred feet away but where he can see that I left the store, and he gets up and falls in step with me like he belongs there, and at this point in the dream I'm feeling really mixed emotions. Part of me is happy he's there b/c I know I care a lot about him, but half of me is wondering why the heck he is walking beside me and not saying anything smug or arrogant. After passing in front of a couple more stores he stop me and tugs me into a jewelry store. I'm like Wtf? "Why are you dragging me in here?" and he gets all defensive and says something like, "I need a woman's opinion and even if your not very girly your the only female I know here so your going to help me. If you wanted a ring, which one would you like?" So I take the opportunity to try and tease him about having a secret girlfriend and he tells me to shut up and pick something or he's leaving. Happy to be spending time with him, and really anxious and nervous over the girlfriend part, I shut my mouth and start looking. I find one that's got a lot of tiny pretty sparkly white stones in it. Like diamond chips or something, you know the kind of ring that's all silver with tiny little stones barely the size of the of the dot on an i covering the whole thing like glitter. Then I tell him that most girls like diamonds so that ones probably a safe bet, and he puts his hand on my head and ruffles my hair and says, "I didn't ask you what most girls would like stupid, I asked you what you would like." And I get all pissed that he called me stupid and tell him that I wouldn't like jewelry store rings b/c they don't make them small enough for my hands and storm off. After storming off I go to the food court to get something to eat to calm my nerves and kill sometime until dads done. I'm vaguely aware of people behind me waiting in line to order, and just as I go to pay for my food the guy steps forwards like he had been the one behind me waiting in line and pays for my food saying something to the effect of, "I have to pay you for your services, even if you weren't very helpful" which gets me some weird looks from the people in line behind us and the guy behind the register. I thank the man behind the counter, and one again walk off angrily and annoyed (thoughts running through my head like "Why would he buy me lunch for something so trivial? Did he just want to buy me lunch? and if he did, why'd he have to be a jerk about it!") (not to mention making me sound like a prostitute, lol)and I sit down the eat. He pulls the chair across from me out and reaches out and starts eating my fries. I snap at him, "Get your own food!" and he's like, "Well I would have if someone hadn't been pmsing and decided to storm off before I could order!" to wich I reply, "Then you shouldn't have followed me" and he says, "I'm not done with you yet." and he starts in on the fact that I didn't show him which ring I would like, and I told him that I showed him one that most girls would like, and he says the girl it's for isn't like most girls anyway and I should just stop complaining and help him out. Then somehow we get on the topic of recent murders, and then my dad shows up and says we have to go. He had just got a call that he needed to go back to work for some emergency meeting. The guy makes a "tche" sort of noise like he's annoyed and tells me I wasn't any help, and then he turns to my dad and says something about how he shouldn't go to the meeting when hes supposed to be spending time with his daughter. And my dad gets all mad and says he has to work to make a living and the guy needs to mind his own business. Then I start to say good bye to the guy, but instead of saying good bye to me, he tells my dad to go bring the car around that he has to talk to me for a moment and that he didn't want to talk about our sex life in front of my dad. My jaw drops and I'm like, "What the hell are you talking about?!" and my dad gets all mad and tells me that he's bringing the car around but that he's really angry and we were going to talk in the car.

Then, when he leaves, the guy grabs my arm and leads me back to my seat at the table and pulls my arm down to make me sit, then he starts saying that the meeting my dad is going to is dangerous b/c theres a demon demanding sacrificial souls or else it will wipe out entire cities to get them. And that the government is having "emergency meetings" in all of it's contracted companies, and that all the people that come are going to be wiped out by a "gas accident" but that it's really the demon stealing their souls and burning down the building covering its tracks. Then he says that he's came here to defeat the Demon, but that he doesn't know if he's going to make it back or not and since I didn't pick my own ring I'd have to be happy with the one he picks for me. I'm like, WHAT?! Demon? are you crazy, and what the hell is this ring thing about? And he's all, "What do you think it's for stupid? I love you, ok? and if I make it back I want to marry you. And if I don't make it back, I wanted you to have something so you don't forget and think I hated you." and then I'm all like if you love me then why do you act like a jerk, and he says he doesn't know, he just feels uncomfortable when he's romantic in public and hes a jerk when he's uncomfortable so thats why, and then walks off. So then I go out to the parking lot where dads in the car and he tells me that he was nice enough to take me in when C (my hubby) and I split but that having C (my son) and C(my daughter) over every other week is rough enough and he doesn't need anymore screaming brats around and that he's not happy to hear his daughter is already sleeping around. To which I try to clear up the misunderstanding and tell him I'm not but that the guy is just a jerk like that who says shit without thinking just to get his way. Then I ask him not to go to the meeting and he says he has to, and I realize that instead of going home we've gone to a school. I ask why we're there, and he tells me to get out and go inside b/c there's some sort of emergency drill and citizens are supposed to go to shelters and that he has a shelter at work. When I try to protest he tells me to just go inside and wait, the drill would be over in a couple of hours. So I go inside, and your there!!! YAY!!! This is where A comes in and saves the day! I'm really confused at this point, so I start asking you about this "drill" and you don't really know much either, so we decide to go into one of the classrooms to watch the news on the classroom tv screens. When we get into the classroom the ground shakes, and we freak thinking it's an earth quake, but then it stops after only a couple seconds. Inside there are people sitting at desks and standing along the walls and sitting on the floor, pretty much packing the place watching the tv. On the Screen there is this huge red and shadowy person as tall as a tree and they're coming up out of a buss and pounding and grabbing at my dads work building tearing the whole place apart. Everyone in the room is silent, and the tv anchor is saying something about how there were people inside the building and that special forces were trying to contain the situation but no one was really sure what was going on so everyone was urged to stay in a designated shelter where they'd be safest. At that point I realize that the guy before hadn't been full of crap, and that there really was a demon and that he really had gone to fight it. So I break down crying, and you get a few people to move out of desks b/c my dad was in that building and you set me down at one of the desks and try to calm me down. You keep saying he'll be fine, they'll get him out of the building, and everything will be ok. And then the tv news anchor starts saying that a group of civilians have appeared on the scene, then the anchor starts freaking out saying that the civilians are shooting some sort of light from their hands and they're not sure whats going on, but it looks like they're trying to help defeat the monster. At that point I tell you what happened at the mall, and tell you about how even though I know the guys a jerk sometimes, I really did love him and he really was sweet when he wasn't uncomfortable or felt like his manliness was compromised. Then a lady walks into the room asking if I'm in there, and I don't recognize her but you wave and tell her I'm there. She comes over and drops a a present on the desk and tells me that some guy had left it in the office a while ago and said that I would be in one of the rooms and to give it to me. The present is wrapped in wrapping paper, but it's pulled up at the top like a bag. I dunno how to explain it other than imagine if you had a large piece of wrapping paper, and you set something in the middle then pulled all the corners and ends of the paper up to make a bag around the object instead of using tape to tape it. So I reach out and start to touch it, but when I touch it I can feel through the thin paper that it's shaped like a jewelry box. and I pull my hand back and gasp. You take the a little folded note off the ribbon that's holing it closed and read it out loud to me since I'm crying and everything is blurry. The note says, "Sorry I couldn't make it back. You know what this is for." When you finish I am crying so hard that I feel like I have to get way from the room, so I jump up and run out of the room, into the hall and then out of the school. You follow me, telling me to stop that it's dangerous out there, and I tell you that I have to go see him, that I have to see him one more time. I can't let him die without telling him how I feel as well. And you try to reason with me that obviously he knows how I feel or he wouldn't be so certain in the mall earlier or waste money on something so expensive, but I won't listen and just keep running. The school is in a city, so we're running on a sidewalk in between buildings, and the ground keeps shaking b/c we're only a few blocks from the demon that's trying to tear the building down.

Ok, I promise I'm almost done now, lol. But this is also where it gets weirder. This whole dream is super realistic, in the dream I'm feeling everything. I can still remember the uneven surface of the jewelry box like I really touched it even though it was just a dream. At this point in the dream though, I wake up crying. This is at about 9:45 this morning right? Well I'm still caught up in the emotion of the dream and I really want to go back to sleep to see what happens and to see the guy one more time. So I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep. What happens though, is I get stuck in a half awake half asleep state, but it's unlike any I've ever been in before. I'm sill awake and aware of C(my son) and C(my daughter) and their movements and breathing, but I'm also asleep and back into this uber realistic dream. It's like being two people at the same time, only I can feel both the things happening in my dream and my covers on my body in real life, but I can't move my body at all in real life. It's like I'm paralyzed. It really was amazing but scary at the same time b/c I couldn't move!!!

So the dream continues, and we end up at the scene of the battle. There are two girls, and three guys (including THE guy) fighting this demon. Just as we arrive at the scene, THE guy bursts into this beautiful bright white light that completely engulfs the demon and him and it's like an explosion, loud sound and shock wave and everything. We fall to the ground b/c it's shaking and then when everything clears and settles the guy is standing there in the middle of the street were he had just destroyed this demon thing, and he's bleeding from deep cuts along his arms chest and back and he's got no shirt on and his jeans are ripped half up the legs and he has all sorts of dirt and black smudges on him and I rush forwards to him. He look at me, and blinks a couple of times like he's confused, then he's all, "What the hell are you doing here stupid? Your supposed to be safe inside a shelter!" Then he falls to his knees, and I drop to mine and catch him before he can fall face first onto the ground. He reaches around and hugs me (keep in mind I'm still experiencing this half and half state where not only am I feeling this but also my real body wrapped in covers and unable to move) and I'm crying and telling him that I had gotten the gift and that I just couldn't let him die without seeing him again and telling him how I really felt. and he says something about the stupid office lady not supposed to give it to me until nightfall so that if he was going to make it he'd be there when I got it to so I wouldn't freak out.

Then C(my daughter) woke up and started kicking me and I lost the dream, but it took about 15-30 seconds (and several kicks) before I was able to move again. (At the time, my daughter was only a year and a half old, and slept in my bed with me) I had a dream a few months ago (maybe 7 or 8?) that was pretty realistic, I couldn't wake up from, and I was "paralyzed" after waking up for a few seconds, but this is the first time I've ever been conscious of both the dream and my real body and being so aware of how trapped I am. I mean it's one thing to know your dreaming and can't wake yourself up, it's totally different when your aware of your dream and your surroundings but unable to wake up or move or anything on your own. I know it seems similar, but it's much scarier when your aware that things are going on around you and you can't react to them b/c your trapped in this dream and your real body is paralyzed!

Obviously now I know a lot more about sleep paralysis and what I experiencing, but if not for this dream I'd still be clueless and might never had learned about lucid dreaming. K remains my biggest motivator for lucid dreaming. I want to ask him, Why is he the only DC I dream about reoccurringly? Is he a normal DC, or is he a guide, or even another dreamer? Why am I always exhausted after I dream of him as if I didn't get any sleep at all? I could probably fill an entire journal entry with my questions, lol. He's been in several dreams, there was 3 weeks in a row when I saw him every single Monday and Thursday until I had my first lucid. Now, I can't seem to find him when I'm lucid. I've called him in lucids before, but all I can produce of him in those dreams is his voice. As crazy as it sounds, the second dream I ever had of him he tried to make me realize I was dreaming, and that was before I even knew anything about lucid dreaming. I'm pretty sure now that I am able to become lucid every once and a while, he's purposely making me search for him. When I hit this dry spell, he's shown back up again, almost like he's reminding me that I have a purpose, and I can't just give up on lucid dreaming just because I hit a snag. As for his personality, well it hasn't changed much. He still acts pretty aloof in my dreams, though over the last year we've gone from getting frustrated with one another to being happy to see one another. Who am I kidding? I'm always happy to see him But in the begging it seemed like we didn't know quite how to act around one another. Now he keeps his distance and acts at times like he's carrying a chip on his shoulder, but still manages to soften up with me. I no longer get annoyed or mad when he's aloof or distant, I sort of understand that's how he is and I don't think now I'd want him to act any other way. Anyways, if anyone's interested in reading more, SOme entries to check out are:

2/16/12 - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (First Paragraph)

2-20-12 Nap - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (Part Two)

Catching up the last several days! - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (2-23, Dream Two)

2-27-12 - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (Dream Two and Notes)

There are more, but I don't feel like looking them up, lol. These are just the ones I knew the dates for. I doubt anyone's actually read this far, but if you did Thank You for your time! And please feel free to comment, especially if you've got similarly important or unusual dream characters. This whole thing was mostly for my own benefit though. I intend to rededicate myself to trying to become lucid. When my recall stopped being great, I stopped reality checking and haven't had a lucid in a month or so. I figure reminding myself why I'm trying to get lucid is the best way to kick start my motivation