Mydera

Dream One (Fragment): I am in a school gym, lining up in a line and trying to figure out an excuse not to participate

Dream Two: This dream starts out with me being outside a small old house. It's a small house, and pretty old and run down. It might even be a trailer that's falling apart. There are woods behind it, and a gravel drive way with an old squarish blue grey car from the early 90s in the drive. I have a couple of friends hanging out near the woods, and I walk over towards them to say hey. They're talking, but I can't really find any point to jump in on the conversation, so for a while I'm just half listening half looking around and feeling uncomfortable because I don't know this place very well. My friends decide to go inside for a bit, and I start to follow them inside. on the way inside I gravitate towards my friend Chas and decide to just hoover near her because I'm sure she's just as uncomfortable in the group as I am, and we can sort of be each other's moral support. There are pictures on the walls, and I recognize a child in some of the pictures as being a cute guy I sort of know, but not really. We'll call him W. It soon becomes clear through conversation that this house belongs to W's grandmother. We walk through a living room, across a short hall and into a kitchen. The grandmother is there, a short lady in her late 50s to early 60s with graying blond hair (or maybe it's dyed blond and was grey) She smiles bigly at me, and shakes my hand and introduces herself to me. I smile back and try to be as nice and sweet as I can, even though I'm really uncomfortable with strangers touching me. Then I start feeling a bit claustrophobic because there are so many of us in this tiny kitchen. The grandmother seems to be aware of my discomfort and tells me that we should go sit in the living room where there's more room. She never lets go of my hand after she shakes it, instead she holds it and leads me back to the living room. In the hall, she stops for a moment to open a door to a room where W is playing a video game, and tells him that he should join us in the living room. He declines, and I am reminded that W doesn't really talk to me much. Some days he acts like he's happy to talk to me, others like he doesn't care to even acknowledge my presence. In the living room I sit down on a couch, and the grandmother lets go of my hand when I am seated and sits in another chair across from me. My friend Chas has apparently followed us, and she sits down to my right on the couch as well. We start chatting about the pictures on the walls, and the grandmother starts telling us about them. It's then that I realize she also has a couple pictures of me when I was little on the walls. I point them out, and ask her why she has them. She looks at me with teary eyes and tells me that my mother gave them to her. I ask her why my mom would give a complete stranger pictures of me, and she starts crying. She tells me that she is my real biological grandmother, and that while my family wouldn't let her and my other blood relatives on that side of the family see me, they at least sent them pictures so they could see how I grew up. I can't think of any other possible explanation for these pictures being in her possession, but this one seems so far fetched I start questioning her. I ask her why I didn't know about her, and why my family wouldn't let them see me, and she tells me that it's because my family wanted me to fit in with them, and if I knew I only half belonged there I would never feel like I fit in. I reason this is somewhat true, because even thinking I belonged to both sides of my family, I've always been a black sheep in the family. So then I ask why W has never said anything to me, because if he's her grandson and I'm her granddaughter that would make us cousins. She explains that he holds a bit of a grudge against me for never choosing to be part of this family, even though I didn't know I belonged. Everything seems so overwhelming suddenly. I start crying, there's a whole family I didn't know I had, and a lot of the social anxiety I have with these friends because W and I don't get along swimmingly suddenly seems to make sense. I feel like it's not fair, because I've tried so hard to be nothing but nice and friendly and fun, and its like W wants to be friends one moment, and couldn't care less the next. Seeing as how these friends are always bringing him up when we hang out, I feel like that tension causes problems in those friendships as well because I can't carry in on those conversations. I wonder if this is why I never fit in with my dads family, because I'm not really family at all, or is it my mothers family that I don't belong in? And why wouldn't they tell me when it became apparent that I still didn't fit in so that I couldn't find the place where I do? My friend Chas hugs me, and starts whispering to me that it's ok. Then she asks me why I am crying, how does this make me feel? and it's only then that I realize omg, this guy I thought was cute is my cousin! Yuck! then I start giggling, and I tell them I'm ok, but really I'm mostly making myself laugh because I don't want to deal with it all at once. Chas says I need some fresh air, and helps me outside where I can breathe and get away for a bit. Outside it's a bit chilly, but not cold. I gaze at the woods for a bit, and just let my mind wander as I take in the fresh air and feel the wind and just let my senses and surroundings take me in. After a short bit, I'm ready to go back inside, and Chas and I head back in. Everyone is in the kitchen again, and the grandmother jumps out of her seat the moment she seems us, and she asks me if I would mind being inducted into their family. I'm confused for a moment, asking her if I misunderstood about being a relative, and she says no, that I am a member of the family, but that she wants me to join in on their magical bond as well. I agree to, happy to not only find a family, but to also find more open minded people as my own family doesn't much care for pagan life or any aspects of it. She calls W into the room, and tells him that I'm finally going to join their circle, and unlike earlier in the dream, he suddenly seems really happy about it. He tells us he'll be right back, and rushes back to the room he had been playing games in before. Then I notice my friends are all filing into the living room and the grandmother is pulling a kitchen chair into the middle of the hallway. She tells me to have a seat, but when I start to turn around and sit in it, she tells me to straddle the chair because I will need the back to lay my head on. I do as she says, and W comes back into the hall with a small bucket full of water. Grandma has another chair now, and she's siting it so that it is touching the chair I am sitting in, and when W sits down in the other chair he is behind me, with a leg on each side of my chair. He tells me to relax, and that he's going to dip my hair in the water. I feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but I love water, and when he pulls my head back gently, the moment my hair enters the water I feel a thousand times more calm. He gently cups water over my head, and gets even the hair next to my scalp that won't reach in the bucket wet, then wrings the extra water out and sets the bucket down. He then tilts me forwards and tells me to lay my head against the chair back, and I do so. He places his thumbs on either side of my neck, and gently starts to massage up my neck, and then to my scalp. At this point he tells me that I am relaxed, and that he's going to hypnotize me and ask me a few questions. I suddenly panic, what if I say something stupid? Worse, what if I admit I found him cute while I'm hypnotized?! They wouldn't want me in the family if they knew I thought a cousin was cute, even if I didn't know he was my cousin when I formed that opinion! I start to turn my head and tell him no, but I'm so groggy my head feels super heavy and I can only partially turn. I see his face, and he smiles as he reaches forwards and turns my head back around and helps me settle it back on my arms, "Shhhhh. It's ok, trust me. " and then I feel like I'm falling asleep. but I keep blinking groggily, like I'm half awake and half asleep. I catch little bits of what he's asking and what I'm saying, but I can't make sense of it because I'm so sleepy. I'm so comfortable and relaxed, I just want to sleep there forever. Suddenly I am more aware in the dream and think I've woken up. W is still behind me, but now he's leaned against my back with his arms around me and he's telling me that it's ok, he's going to move me to a bed now where I can sleep. I ask what happened and what I said, and he smiles mischievously and tells me we'll talk about that later. His strong arms pull me gently to my feet, but he holds me against him so I'm more leaning on him that standing on my own legs. He helps me walk to the room where he was playing video games earlier, and there's a double bed there with tall bannisters and a patchwork quilt. He lifts me and places me on the bed, and I'm so tired and groggy I can barely move to thank him. He brushes my hair away from my face, and then he starts to pet my hair and speak soothingly again. I go back through that phase where I am too tired to understand what he's saying, I'm just so comfortable and relaxed I want to stay curled up there with him petting my hair for eternity. Then I start to waken in the dream world again, and he's not there anymore. instead my husband is next to the bed, and he's angry but he's trying to cover it with a mask of concern. He's asking me if I am hurting, and I tell him no why would I be? He takes my arm and shows me several welts that are crisscrossing on the bottom of it. He tells me that they did this to me, and when he tried to stop them they said I had consented and I would be ok because they wouldn't hurt me. I look at the welts, and they look like they WOULD have hurt, but they don't and I don't even remember getting them, so I tell him it's ok, I'm not really hurt. I was passed out when the actual pain would have occurred and I don't feel anything now. The skin wasn't broken, so the welts would fade in a couple hours and it'd be like they never happened. He seems unhappy, and he tells me I need to go home, but I don't want to go home, and I tell him as much. He looks like he's about to cry, but then W walks in and smiles. I close my eyes feeling suddenly like even if my husband is there, I don't have to stress, because if I don't want to go home or if I don't want him around, I will have help enforcing my will. Then I wake up for real, but when I do, I am in sleep paralysis, only without any old hag syndrome, instead I'm frozen in a state of pure bliss I don't know how long I was in that state, but when I finally found my body moving and twitching awake, I felt like I'd gotten way more sleep than I did. I went back to sleep though, in hopes of continuing the dream. I didn't, and when I woke up I was double tired, lol.