moonlit

This particular series of dreams have shaken me to the core. They are what set off my exploration into lucid dreaming. I have attempted it, and the closest that I've ever gotten was tonight and I encountered a strange being right at the brink of falling into lucidity. I'll talk about this at the end of this post, because it ties into everything else.

All of these dreams are about a particular person, I'll call J. J and I haven't ever met in this dimension of reality or whatever you want to say that I'm currently in, but I have psychic revelations about him frequently. I have to say this first, he's dead. I tried to fight these visions, for a very long time, about a year, out of denial, fear, disgust, fear I was being obsessive about the entire situation. I thought I was absolutely insane. I thought that I was losing my mind. I didn't know him, so what did it matter to me, right? It wasn't my business. This is what I thought. I dismissed it, until this dream I had that scared the wits out of me. I haven't ever been able to influence my dreams in any way even before sleep. Even if I'm mulling on something, it's up to my dream self's decision to seek information. Thankfully, it knows what is important far better than I do.

First Dream
I was at my old studio apartment, in my bed upstairs. An obese man was sitting on my bed with me, I've never met him before. He gave me good feelings though. We were talking about something. He had one of those 90s style VHS/TV carts, like the ones you would use in school, next to the bed. I found this odd, because we don't use VHS tapes anymore and the TV appeared to be as old. He started to play a tape. It was of J, it appeared to be from a handheld video recorder. I can still very vividly recall the video. It was very fluid, vivid, in color, like I was watching a video in real life. It was from an angle right above his head, close to his face, it would point down to show his body and shoes and sidewalk as they would walk along. His hair was quite long, he looked older then is remembered, and he had on jeans, black shoes, and a black jacket. He was acting kind of silly, giving the camera grins and sweetly gazing at it as he walked along. He was talking too, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. I was very amused, and I asked the man casually when this video was taken. He replied matter-of-factly, "2010". I said (it was 2012 at this time), "But that was 2 years ago." He said, "I know. He's alive."
I woke up in a state of shock. I've never gotten messages from the dead, directly from them. But since it was a video, and it took two years to get to me? I figured that it was a message, or just my imagination rationalizing some things, my subconscious purging after all the thinking I had been doing. Until a few weeks later.

Second Dream
I was in a supermarket in the multi-plex with Jim Carrey. At least, whoever who was with me took that form. People can cover themselves as other people to gain your trust in dreams, if you're aware enough to realize what's going on. I'm not even a fan of his, but my ex-boyfriend sure was. Anyway, there was this room in the back that I went into alone. I had to run to get away from that guy. It was like a bedroom display, showing off all the different furniture and stuff like at a furniture store. There was a remote on the bed, and through this you could flip through different projections that would change the environment of the bedroom. I turned on the "projector", directly across from the bed on the wall above a fireplace, and there was a painting of me. I mean, it looked EXACTLY like me, but from before the 1800s. It was so beautiful, it frightened me in the dream. It was like I was looking at the past or something. I flipped to the next "channel", and it was sports. It lightly projected into the bedroom. The next projection was a beautiful garden, also lightly projected into the entire bedroom. You could still see the bed and such underneath the projections. The next projection was of a Japanese harem, like a call-girl house. Also faint, not a strong projection. There were women on the bed, and it freaked me out, so I switched the channel quickly, but it took a second to "load". In the dream, this knocked me onto my ass. It exploded into glittering red lights, literally glittering like stars, like energy had been gathering and then exploded into this incredibly vivid powerful image of J, on a platform, with red lights drowning him. He was playing guitar and singing something I'm familiar with. A very sad, angry, powerful song. Now, when I listen to this song in real life, I see all sorts of images and feel energy. It's very strange. In the dream, he was looking directly into my eyes while singing and I could feel the energy exchange between the two of us, it was incredibly powerful, the energy of a living person or at least someone with so much spiritual power that they can send these types of messages in sleep. I always thought that these dreams were my subconscious, my desires I'm not expressing, until this dream. This dream was a directed message towards me from him, nothing less. I highly, highly doubt a dead person could have sent this type of energy to me. I can't even talk to the dead, I had tried many times. I can feel people's emotions, and pick up on their energy, pick up energy of future situations, the location of people, this is where I'm talented. I'm familiar with the energy in my dreams, even not being lucid. This is the first time I've dreamt of him so vividly or even making a sound. This only lasted a few moments, I assume due to the intensity it must've taken, but it is one of the most intense dreams I've ever had. I have zero idea why he was trying to contact me so intensely, or how he's even aware of my existence when we've never met. I woke up sweating.

Third Dream
I was in J's apartment. It was very off kilter, I was trying very hard to project to this location. I could tell because of the appearance of everything. It was like the environment was being suspended almost sideways. Like I said, I don't dream of other locations alone, so this was bizarre. I must have chosen to come here. I was lying in his bed, and around that room were his mourning friends who didn't notice I was there. Lots of crying women, no men, of course (I thought sarcastically). He passed quite a few years ago, almost as many years as I am old. I had a shoebox, filled with photo negatives and letters. Next to the bed, was a burning candle. I picked up the photo negatives and held them up to the light of the flame, and they were of him. Next, I went through the letters, and I couldn't make any of them out, but they were in his handwriting. I fell asleep in his bed and woke up.


Fourth Dream
I was in an ocean, pure turquoise blue. The water was very warm, and it was sunny, and beautiful. The ocean reached around endlessly towards the north, east, and south, but there was a coastline on the west side. I knew this because I saw a map as an image and I could look in these directions and not see anything or anyone. On this coast, there were beautiful ivory channels, attached to small ivory pools filled with ocean water and statues around the area. I was clinging onto the side of an ivory pool, that had J's face in profile carved into it, like he was a roman god or something of the sort. My feet could touch the bottom here. There was a giant statue of Neptune, the god, in ivory directly next to him. I swam around for a while enjoying this nice environment. Usually, if I dream of the ocean, it's by the multi-plex. This was on a coastline somewhere I've never seen before. It felt like a past vision or something I've experienced before, because the map was in such detail, I tried to look it up. But, soon I realized this area would have to have been in the middle of the ocean, and nothing like that exists now. Kind of freaky.

Fifth Dream
There was quite a long gap between this dream and the last dream. Around 3 months. Before this, I had started to meditate pretty intensely. Around 3 hours a day in my free time, working on my chakras. This dream happened on May 1st of this year. I was at my childhood home, in my room, and there was a knock at my door. I opened it, and it was J. He appeared to me as he did in the video, the longer hair, looking older, it was strange. He was brightly glowing white, perfect and tons of energy. He lightly sizzled with sound, he had access to so much energy. I've never seen anything like it before. He was a lot shorter than I thought he'd be too, I was a little bit taller than him. He lowered his gaze, and smiled an almost sarcastic "told you so" smile, and started to kiss me. He closed the door behind him, and pushed be down onto my bed. We continued to kiss, and we got undressed. He tried to go further, and I stopped him, because that isn't what I think of him as. He respected it, and he held me closely to his chest for what felt like eternity. I don't remember him saying a single word. I felt the strongest emotion I've ever felt in my entire waking or dream life, and I'm a very emotional person. It was of love. What a great dream that was. I woke up and it turns out I had been sleeping for 14 hours. I figure that this was a premonition, because of how glowing white and intense the environment was once he arrived.

Sixth dream
This happened the night after the last dream. We were in a yellow house, with maple floors. We were playing guitar, singing, messing around, joking around. It was very fun. He had on jeans and a long sleeved blue flannel shirt. At the end of the dream, we were sitting on the floor, and he had his back against my chest with my arms around him. I have no idea why I said this, but I told him that he was the only one I'll ever love. He laughed and put his arms around my arms. Then I woke up. As of yet, out of all of these dreams, he hasn't said a single word to me except for music and except for his laughter here, and all I can remember is from that specific dream I had before. This dream was quite foggy to me, like a thick glowing mist had been covering everything. This is another sign of mine that it's a premonition.

Seventh Dream
This one happened last night. I was trying to go lucid, and I took a nap in the daytime. The night before, I had a very faint memory of trying to find him in my dream, and I did, he was playing guitar and singing, but he quickly left right as I arrived, unaware of me. He must have woken up, since I can usually find someone if I want to, my friends say I visit them frequently in dreams, which is probably why I have few dreams in my locations unless I'm alone.
Yesterday, as I dozed off during the day, it was obviously nighttime, in the house I live now. We were watching TV on my living room floor next to each other, something I never do, I dislike TV a lot, and I remember a vision came up to me during the dream that highly distracted me, of someone I used to have very strong feelings for, who was also a musician. I "entered" into this space, and he began singing, he was on his bed, almost inviting me to join him. I remember feeling quite happy with this, amused mostly, and only felt like I was gone for a few moments, but when I came back, J was PISSED off. I couldn't tell why, I figure now he became jealous. I feel as if he was accessing this memory of mine, to see who else in my world could compare to him, and when he discovered how new our contact was, he stormed off through my front door. I tried to stop him, I yelled at him from the door, unable to leave my house for some reason, believe me, I would have ran after him. I yelled for him to come give me a hug. He stood there for a moment, thinking, and then huffed, and got into his vehicle parked in front of my house and drove off. Because of his reaction, I really believe he was just jealous and became emotional, so he left the dream. He would have had to at some point, so he just did it to avoid any further damage to either of us, which was smart of him. I was hurt initially, but then I realized he was just simply too emotional to stay there with me, he did the right thing and walked away.
This was the first time that his body in any dream I've had of him gave me the energy of him being currently present, along with his body appearing normal. All the other dreams, he was either projecting energy towards me from afar, or I was having a premonition.


The strangest vision I had recently was thanks to the Seth material. He explained how to go into an Alpha state, and how to get information from symbols, which all mean different things to each of us.
I asked myself, is he still alive? Where would he be living? I got images of flowers blooming, beautiful flowers, the first was a tiger lily, and to me this means vibrancy and life. Then, I saw many beautiful flowers, all puffy and vivid of many colors, and got a very deep sense of calm, and then his face, smiling- and then a state flower that I had no idea was a specific state flower, until I searched it.
So, I got my answer. I figured this out the day after. I still find all of this kind of hard to believe...

My Lucid Dreaming Experience: First true attempt, Tonight
5-28-13
I almost got there! I felt the vibrations through my body, they were intensely pleasurable. Right before this occurred, I had a strange mental encounter with something I've never seen before. It was of a creature, with a head like a brown thumb, and no face, but it looked like a sideways wound on his face. There was no blood, this is just his mouth appearing as what we would assume is a wound. I asked his name, and he said his name was Gar. I asked who he was, and he said he was there to help me. He gave me no ill feelings. I asked him some questions, where he was from, and he told me he was from a dimension different from ours. He felt familiar, maybe he is someone that has always kept an eye on me or something. Then I felt the deepest vibrations I've ever gotten trying to lucid dream run through my back, around to my chest, where my heart chakra/my soul would be. I almost did it, but I felt very strong cramps in my legs, and I began opening my dream eyes, but the pain made me open my real eyes by accident. I'll try again in a few hours, I think I'll be successful this time.

Well, I tried again during a nap today (May 29) , and some strange things happened. I saw that creature again, and once I got close to the brink of entering lucidity, I started hearing things on my desk get knocked around. It sounded like my mouse was being clicked around, and like my monitor being slightly moved. It was odd, but that is why I don't usually sleep in that room. I've seen some weird things in there while waking up. I have a photograph that constantly gets knocked over when I put it up, so I started leaving it down. Things are always falling over or being knocked over as well. I asked that creature what exactly is going on, and he said it was a spirit, it doesn't want to hurt me, it just likes to be annoying, and that he'd take care of it. And it seemed to stop- but this freaked me out enough to wake me up. I hope I can get into a good sleep tonight.