non-lucid

Funny couple days. Day 1 i was making a supper. For some reason the Jamie voice likes to bug me while I'm trying to cook. " You're doing that wrong... That's too much!!! You cut those too big!" First of all I ask how she would even know what I am doing? She always answers that she can see it in her mind. I always say you're not here to eat it, so let me do it my way.

Also the brake pads on my car are going so I'm not delivery driving until they are fixed. My dad has work for now.

Jamie 1

A quick flash of Jamie standing over a stove, eating out of a pot. Apparently it's supposed to be what I made. She smiles at me while eating it.

Jamie 2

A quick flash of her in a wheelchair. She's rolling towards me. Hm I hope this isn't a real thing.

Next night: nothing.

Yesterday, possible drive by when it was getting dark. I was talking to her voice outside and heard, " I really wanna see you." I heard a car slow down by me house, so I walked to see. It was super dark. A grey car drove by and in the passenger seat I saw a head turn to look at me. But it was so dark and fast I couldn't make the person out. The head turn was like her though.

Like I said, I don't mind if she does this. Just please make sure I can clearly see her. I wanna see her too. It does help validate to me what I'm going through on this blog. So don't be sneaky or disguise herself.

Jamie 3?

I was in a gas station store, that had a McDonald's in it or something. A familiar woman went to the glass door. Her hair was dyed light purple. I thought it was Zoe from when I worked with Jamie, Z worked at the same place. The woman recognized me and she seemed to be holding back tears. Zoe was another "friend." From that time (not as close), who suddenly turned on me when I was going through my dark night of the soul. So I reacted in the dream as if it was Zoe.

She started to say something but I cut her off with. " What, you're suddenly going to talk to me after 13 years? We were good friends and you dropped me without explanation, and I'm supposed to just accept you back?"

The woman took a step back. She said, "I'm going to kill myself." And it sounded like Jamie's voice. And she turned and ran out the door. I was going to follow her and apologize, but I woke up.

Yeah, I guess I'm going to have to be very careful with my words. I'm pretty sure it was Jamie in the dream. Unfortunately, the way I described Zoe also applies to her. I do acknowledge that Jamie at least, tried to explain. Just not very well.

I woke up and realized I had fallen asleep and didn't finish my prayers. I had started and dosed off. The Jamie voice was there , but quiet. We eventually talked about it somewhat and agreed to finish my long list of prayers. I added to not let us be prisoners to the pain of our past. There's a line about love in Corinthians somewhere in the Bible that says something like, "Love keeps no records of wrongdoings." While what I said to Zoe in the dream applies to Jamie, and I do indeed feel that way sometimes. That is a worthy goal to strive for. It's almost humanly impossible to forget. That's why I'm going to rely on Jesus and shut my mouth if Jamie comes to me in person with something to say.

Bull

I was in the lobby of a hotel checking on my business cards. I noticed the display tray was emptied. So I went to get more cards. When I got back there was a menacing bull with big horns in my way. I made sure I wasn't carrying anything red, so that it wouldn't charge at me.

Other small dreams involved something about a McDonald's franchise owner was meeting with a man who owned a bar franchise, or something.... Idk

One dream seemed to involve the lady from Our of the box. Hey, they haven't called me in weeks... I'm to shy to call them now.

Went home early today, started feeling tired but not sick. I can't do consistent 10-14 hour days like I know some ppl do.

Night off I decided to focus on the Jamie voice. If it's really her we had a good time and my dreams reflected that. Last 2 nights no dreams of Jamie.

Jamie 1

Just a flash of slow dancing with her in a bar. The song sounded country... Blech!! But we were enjoying ourselves and started kissing.

Jamie 2

I was in a park with Jamie. I was laying down and she got on me and started dry humping me. Lol. The image of it was funny. What if there's kids around?

I can't remember my other dreams very well. One was in a large building.

I find focusing on Jamie more instead of other things increases the frequency of dreams.

Jamie 1

Dreamed Jesus woke me up in a false awakening. He had his hand extended, I took it and he led me to a closet. We opened it and I side was a white coffin. We Got Jamie out of the coffin.

Okay, what is it with dreaming Jamie is in a closet or locked in a box or coffin? Very common themes lately.

Jamie 2

Flash of Jamie making out with some girl.

Okay, getting tired of dreaming about that.

Last night:

Had kind of a rough night with her voice. I was thinking about the past again too much causing me to split bad. Had trouble sleeping for a while because of it. But we talked about it. Jesus wants us to give a lot of grace to one another. I'm getting there. I'm just worried if it bothers me sometimes - if we start talking again, I hope she is willing to explain some things from time to time. In order to settle the issue and move on from it quickly. I wouldn't recommend a giant discussion of the past in one sitting though. Might do more harm than good. Like we learned in school about earthquakes, better to have small quakes to alleviate the pressure instead of a giant destructive quake.

Children

Had a dream I saw something about Jamie online. She had a blog post where she had all these children. Asuka took me to her place. Jamie was there and another adult, I don't know who. Jamie was not looking at me at all. I decided to leave and at the door Jamie smiled at me. She looked tired.

Uh oh. I guess I better be more careful from now on. I think Jesus has told us both to be really careful with one another.

Nothing too crazy lately. Jamie's voice seems great, especially early mornings when I wake up and fall back asleep a few times.

Can't remember every dream.

What

Some woman by a playground kept talking to me. She was kind of annoying but she kept saying I was going to have a daughter someday. I was protesting a bit saying that the only person I could ever have a child with seems to have a serious problem with talking to me in person. The woman kept insisting and started sounding convincing.

Jamie 1

I'm walking down a street. Jamie is kind of Chibi but not animated, she's walking behind me with a Large Bible open.

My comments on that: I've no idea if what my dreams are telling me is the truth. If Jamie is a new believer, and if she has long term intentions with me, my advice is to wait before joining a church. I have a lot of problems with modern Churches. Some can cause extra trauma. Or many are hypocrites. Some denominations are cults like: Latter day Saints, seventh day Adventists, and Jehovah's witnesses. Just study on your own and wait until we are together and then we'll figure it out on our own terms.

Dog

I was with my dog and saw a giant Cat approach him. The cat tried to attack my dog but he threw the cat off him when the cat lunged at him.

Jamie 2

Dreamed Jamie was at a park. The same woman from my other dream. She kept convincing Jamie that she was going to have a daughter. She brought Jamie to a swing set where a girl not much older than a toddler was sitting on the swing. The woman told Jamie that this will be her daughter. Jamie looked amazed at the girl. There was a weird song playing. Strange.

I'm very wary of any person in a dream that gives prophecy. Speaking from experience, they rarely come true. The lady never identified herself in dreams. Hearing a song could be a song spell. I'm going to see if Raven can help me look into this....

Posting a day late because I worked for our of the box in Didsbury for 12 hours moving a hoarder. One thing about going to Didsbury - I'm always keeping my eye out for white SUVs lol. The house I was doing was on an adjacent street to the one where Jamie drove past me in January, so my yellow dodge would be easy to see. At lunch break I had to give everyone a ride to the plaza nearby to get lunch. While moving garbage from the front and into the trunk. I noticed a white SUV parked a few houses down. I hadn't seen it there earlier. It had a tire on the back, with a white covering zipped halfway down. I couldn't remember if the one I seen Jamie in had a spare on the back or not. An odd thing I noticed is the driver's door was ajar. Didn't see anyone get in or out. Then it was gone when I was finished loading the trunk. Can't really say it was her or not just found it odd.

Jamie 1

I was with Jamie by her vehicle. She seemed to be upset or complaining about something in my last entry. I was saying something like: Not everything I report about her head voice is going to be completely accurate. Which is true, we've already established that .

Jamie 2

I was with Asuka and Jamie but my perception was way off on them. They both looked like people from the McDonald's I worked at in Lethbridge. Asuka looked like NAV. And Jamie looked like Victoria, the chubby girl my age that died from COVID. I remember making out with her and thinking it was odd I was seeing her like that .

Rejected

Dream I was applying at the coaldale McDonald's or something but the people didn't hire me. They were being really rude or something.

Jamie 3

A dream of Jamie sitting in her car. She seemed to be talking to me or someone else. She was crying and said my name but I can't remember the line she said.

Finally got another piano to tune tomorrow in Carstairs at noon. Always nice to make a days wage without killing my car, working with an angry boomer, or running a lawn mower over wasp nests. Pulled my ad in olds coffee news because I haven't had one single customer from the ad in over 4 months. I'm eyeing Western trade.buy.sell. paper. It's way cheaper and covers counties from red deer to Calgary. Note: if Jamie reads these ( I'm positive by now that her drive by escapades are her way of validating to me that what I'm going through is "real" [Twin Flame telepathy or Kingdom Spouse journey ] ). I have an ad for piano tuning in coffee news olds edition for the rest of the month. I also have business cards as well in Olds at Boomer movers, Co-Op olds, and Bean Brokers. My phone # is on there. Another way to get a hold of me should she find the courage. Just reach out as you, please no strange, " You just called this number.WhY DiD YoU cAlL mY NuMbEr? " Calls when their number is not in my history. I had an experience like that with my old number in 2013-14 ish which did sound a lot like Jamie. If I recall I was playing loud pink Floyd music in the background.

Enough ranting. Dreams.

Only a handful of HH experiences going in and out of sleep.

SUV

Just a flash of Jamie getting into a white SUV wearing sunglasses. It feels like she's driving to see me in this dream.

Prayer

For some reason I always wake up around 3 or 4 am. I lie awake an hour or so talking with her voice. Anyway she was asking me to pray quickly with her. (She'll do this a handful of times. Even during the day sometimes if we happen to argue. Or if I'm on tiktok and I start watching relationship tiktok that promotes black and white thinking, causing me to split. Her voice will tell me to get off my phone and/or pray with her) jeez I'm all over the place today with this entry. I nod off halfway through my prayer and I wake up saying, " ... tell Jamie to meet me at... What?" Realizing I was having a prayer while dreaming but I lost the plot.

Kisses

I'm awake talking to her voice. And also it feels like she's lying beside me in spirit. I imagine giving her little kisses all over her face. She asks, "I think you were kissing me all over my face?" I fall into a micro dream and we are holding each other in bed and she is staring at me She comes in to fully kiss me and I wake up from it. I was wondering when the black space dreams would give us a bed

Finally worked for out of the box the past 2 days. Did half a day today because I mowed over a wasps nest in didsbury. Got stung on each ankle - counted at least 2 stings on my right ankle. Pretty sure I'm not allergic. I'll be fine. Just sore like a mofo.

Had a funny convo with the Jamie voice one morning while I was in a drive thru waiting for coffee. Line was taking forever and I was getting impatient. The Jamie voice sensing something, said, " yeah Robert, hurry up!" So I try to explain I'm stuck and I ask why she's being like this? "I'm just practicing..." I'm like: for what? "For when we're married." Oh really?


Dreams.

Had trouble sleeping for a few nights due to animals. My dog ate a bunch of cat food and had bathroom problems. This is after I told every one in the house to keep the cat food in a high place. Do they listen to the guy who's lived with cats and dogs before? No, so I had to get up almost every hour of the night to let him out.

Last night a roommate's new kitten got left in my sleeping area and was pestering me all morning.

2 fragments

Driving

Was driving in a strange wooden area at night with a swamp nearby. My car got stuck and suddenly I was no longer in it. A car below me whizzed by. I looked where the car drove all I was as a vine and swamp. I was thinking it's impossible for a car to drive through it. Yet, I saw it. Memory fades after.

Jesus

Jesus was saying to me and Jamie, " Be patient my children, For I will bring you two together soon, and soon after, You will be with me in paradise." Suddenly we are with Jesus on a beach. He's sitting in a lawn chair under some shade. He has a peach colored drink that is most likely non alcoholic. He's also wearing sunglasses and grinning wide. He's like that out of touch Dad who adopts his children's lingo to seem cool - but usually is just making his children cringe with embarrassment. But I get the feeling that he's just pretending to be that guy, as a sort of joke. Which, actually makes it kind of funny.

Note: no one should be concerned about him saying we will be with him in paradise SOON. Which almost implies bodily death. He is a God who claims to be completely outside of time and space, so, soon, could mean days, months or even years...

Sunday: Definite Jamie drive by again. I was walking to reddi-mart to buy an evening coffee (2 minute walk from my house. Sometimes I buy a coffee from there from 5-7). There's a back alley route I take. I was walking from behind the store and to the side of the store when I noticed a grey car slam on it's brakes. I would not have noticed otherwise. Saw the familiar brown hair with bangs cut and large sunglasses . Kind of looked at me and resumed speed. I think I startled her, and she got startled again when she realized she hit the brakes. This was all in half a second. I'm thankful no one was behind her. She could have been rear ended. Like I said, I don't mind if she checks on me - if that's what makes her comfortable around me. As long as it's not bread crumbing. Baby steps I guess.

I asked her voice why she drives all this way? Why my town? She replied she came to see a friend. I'm like: Oh really is it a guy or a girl. And she replied: You're the friend I've come to see. Lol.

Asked Raven to help out in a dream. I noticed Jamie's house was creepy in my dream. Raven agreed despite being under some stress.

House

Vague dream of being in a creepy house. Some older lady interrupted me and some Korean girl in the house (Jamie). She kept making us collect things from the house and put them outside or something. I was hoping the woman would leave soon so I could be alone with the Korean girl. But she wanted us to check the addict or something for more items. I remember climbing a large staircase where the girl and the older woman were. I think we found something and the Woman put it outside. My memory just gets blurry after but continues on. Like trying to watch a movie on fast forward.

I didn't think it was about Jamie until Raven showed me her Journalled dream. Hers is way more detailed tho.

Jamie 1

I'm learning braids again on a head dummy. Jamie is there advising me on how to do it. She seems really encouraging.

Jamie 2

I was with Jamie again. She seemed stern about something. I don't know what. Is it something I was doing in the dream? Or something I'm doing while awake? Her head voice doesn't seem to take an issue with me as far as I know. But the voice isn't 100% reliable.

Jamie 3

Jamie seemed a little more stern about the issue she's having with me. I can't recall any details.

As far as the voice is concerned. The "relationship" seems more stable than ever. I sometimes ask her voice if this seems like a "real" relationship. Every time I ask the response is "Yes." As strange as it is I guess.

Note: I heard that dream shaman bi polar guy talking about his beliefs. He does dream real things about people. He claims he gets shown things about people in dreaming and claims it's his spirit guides that tell him what to do in dreams. So my guess is that is what he is operating under when he consistently interferes in mine and Jamie's dreams.

I personally have a huge lack of trust of anything "spirit guides." Have to say. In my own experience: they lie. I personally only trust Jesus at this point. Yes sure, he hardly speaks, and when he does its often vague. But, he never leads astray.
First night:

Nothing. During the day I did work with the temp agency and did a small moving job in Didsbury. Pretty sure I seen Jamie driving into Didsbury on that pot hole hell road in between Olds and Didsbury. I was in the back of a Dodge truck going past the train tracks and construction near the storage unit Yard. I saw the white SUV that I'm sure I've seen Jamie in before. I saw the long brown hair with a bangs cut and she was wearing large sunglasses ( people with her eye color are a lot more sensitive to sunlight.) I heard her voice in my head say something like, " did you see me? I think I saw you." And sometime later. " I wanna see you again."

Next part is debatable whether it was Jamie or not. Many hours later, I'm at home. Sitting at the table outside the house just pondering. I was remembering that Jamie used to do drive bys on me. And that it seemed like some time since she had done so. While I was thinking this. I vaguely noticed a blue or green pickup truck driven by a lone woman, whom seemed to be wearing dutch braids, and sporting large sunglasses. I wasn't really paying attention but she appeared to be in her thirties. She turned from the main street in Bowden but heading towards the main highway but she turned on my street and turned into the alley facing my yard and began heading the opposite way. While turned on to the Alleyway she looked my way, and quickly turned facing front after a second. I was still zoning in my own thoughts when Jamie's voice entered my head, "Did you see me?". I was like: yeah right, no way that was her. But then I ran it back. I've passed her in Olds before when she had braids. In that instance she was beaming at me. ( Her voice will argue she was just smiling but I know better ). As for the change in vehicle . Emily King said in her video that girls will even help their friends vet someone by helping stalk them. And it's not hard to borrow someone's vehicle if you offer to fill their tank if you use it for a few hours.

So if it was her. You're telling me that she finished work or whatever she was doing in Didsbury, went home, or to a friend's. Got done up in dutch braids, and borrowed a friend's truck? I even asked her voice, " why are you always changing vehicles?" She replied, " I'm trying to be secretive." Well... It's not working if I can clearly see who it is. It's the quick head turn that's the dead giveaway remember. She must have really liked the last post about the sign I was given to marry her. That's not even the initial big sign I was given.

Jamie 1

Me and Jamie are driving in Didsbury towards a camp ground. We both plan to go camping together. Im talking to her in my head instead of normally. I say, "Did you pack is lots of underwear? I think we're going to need it." Uhhh.

Jamie 2

Something about Jamie being at a campground and avoiding me. She was feeling guilty about something. Maybe it was a flashback to the outdoor concert thingy I saw her at?

Jamie 3

I'm at Jamie's house. It's dark and messy. There seems to be demons all over. But regardless she's happy to see me. We are sitting on a couch holding hands and watching something.

Jamie 4

Me and Jamie are walking alongside a busy highway. There is a man walking behind us a ways. Jamie nudges me with a look of fear and indicates in the Man's direction. It's that annoying dream shaman guy that was trying to break us up. He walks faster towards us meaning to catch up but me and Jamie are having none of it. We turn ahead but now there's a large truck pulled over on the shoulder. Cars are going by so fast that going around the truck that it's dangerous to walk around it. The ditch is suicidally deep so that's not an option. The guy is getting closer. Jamie looks fearful and I instinctively pray to Jesus to stop the man and keep him from dreaming with us. A flaming sword falls out of the sky and lands between us and the man. Now it's an immutable wall of fire that he can't cross. This also creates a break in the traffic. I remember me and Jamie finally making it past the truck when I wake up.

Can't load this website on my laptop says security error. I'm using my phone to type. Seemingly rough couple days with her voice. I went to Karaoke at the tavern with my brother and all their friends in Didsbury. I remembered having dreams of Jamie either hanging out or working across the street. So I kind of asked the Jamie voice what is the right thing for me to do should I accidentally run into her somewhere. I heard a really cutting response like, " Don't even look at me, or try to talk to me." That got me kinda upset. Okay, a lot upset. I mean; I'm not going to anyway especially if she looks like she doesn't want to be talked to. I can respect space and privacy. But why be mean? Who knows if that was really her voice or not. Eventually we both seemed to resolve it where I just let her say something if that were to happen, but before saying something just let her linger nearby until she feels safe to say something. Smile if she smiles. Wave. Or am I allowed to wave first to test where she's at? IDK.

Later on her voice said something like, " Don't talk to me in my head anymore." Repeated a few times. I just apologized and said I'll be quiet. A minute later we seemed to work it out. And later she said, " please don't try to break up with me anymore. " I was all confused because I heard it the other way around. So I talked to her voice some more and ran it back. Apparently she heard the phrase that I heard from her, but me saying it to her. So we both agreed that we both hear "false voices." Sometimes.
We also talked about her being afraid to even say anything to me. That was her reasons, not mine. And I do remember when we used to hang out. How a part of her seemed to really want to move things want to move things forward with me. But also there was another part of her that would not let it happen. MUST not let it happen. And I remember thinking in those days that she seemed genuinely TERRIFIED of getting too close. I would watch that war go on in her daily sometimes.

Anyway dreams. The karaoke night I was up so late I couldn't recall any dreams. That was also an exhaustive night with the voice with a lot of confusion but I won't go into detail.

Last night

Quiet

I was in a white room and I was shackled by my arms to the floor. Jamie came in and unshackled me. She looked exhausted to the point of looking way older. Her face seemed thinner than normal. We began walking somewhere but she was keeping her distance. My dad was suddenly with us. And she was lingering closer to him than me. I remember feeling down about it, feeling that she should be closer to me than my dad. There goes my BPD brain again, finding rejection where there is none.

Not much dreams.

Dock

Just me standing on a dock with a bunch of water.

Last night had some trouble sleeping. After normal prayers it seemed like that guy was trying to get between me and Jamie during our time. ( I've touched on this before, with "twin flames." Many people report sensing their partners beside them. This combined with the head voice can create a vivid experience.) Her voice asked for more prayers to fend this guy off. Had a HH vision of him cutting an astral chord between me and Jamie and I couldn't sense her or her voice. Prayed right away to Jesus that he restore it. I felt her near me again instantly. After half an hour of prayers and me and the Jamie voice telling him to leave us alone. It finally stopped. Am I getting schizophrenia? After all this fell asleep . I think he got the message and gave up

Jamie

I'm floating up to some clouds. It's like heaven. Several people are standing on white pillars. I'm floating up and notice Jamie standing on one. She smiles at me and extends her hand. When I'm close she grabs my hand and pulls me to her. We start making out violently.

Can't remember much after but micro dreams where I'm with Jamie. We are holding hands, or she's hanging off my arm and we are just walking somewhere and talking.

One dream

I was on a bed with Jamie. We were joking around. I put a towel over my head to jokingly imitate her. She kissed me. It was slow at first, but I was going all in with it. She then matched what I was doing... Then woke up fast.

Only 1 dream. Jamie wanted to show me what her BPD is like. So she had a grill as big as the room. There was a pound of chicken on one side all spiced up. And a pound of hamburger, also spiced up, on the other side. Sounds like you eat good.

All kidding aside, of course I will never know completely what she goes through. What I experience is a mild form of it. When I knew her more personality. I got the whole experience of having her as a FP. Where your entire well being depends how they treat what day. And when I knew she would most likely never talk to me again... Worst feeling ever. I was physically ill. Felt like dying, or having an arm cut off and you still hallucinate it there. I had a gf cheat on me. Family and friends die . Nothing even came close to losing my FP. Would never wish that experience on my worst enemy. FR.

2 dreams.

Not sure if these were Jamie or not
.

One dream I'm walking down a street during the day. I pass by a black rottweiler with a pink collar. It pays me a compliment. I forgot what it was. But I said thank you back.

Second dream. I'm in a living room and see my dog. I pet him and then use him as a pillow. The same black female dog comes up and smiles at me and lays down near us.

I'm seeing Jamie as a dog now???

Also, was in Olds today standing in a parking lot. Saw some guy drive by and some girl sitting beside him. Didn't see clearly but the hair reminded me of Jamie. Now I don't really know if I suffer mild traits of BPD or not. But whatever it is - it was set off. Now I'm getting confusion with the voice again. Her voice doesn't check in as much during the day. Our late night prayers and sweet talk is still consistent though. Reacting to abandonment real or imagined.. yep, sums it up. It's hard having a " relationship" with someone in dreams and spirit. Especially when they refuse to actually talk to you. It's a real problem.

Schedule changed again. Doing delivery in red deer.. gas is expensive... Will be working long days. Already hindering dream recall.

Jamie 1

Just a flash of Jamie asking me, "Do you want an *** only relationship?" Won't mention specific things on here. And no it's nothing to do with an open relationship.. ( just google success rates of open marriages...)

Jamie 2

Just a flash of Jamie looking out of a motel room. Better be me that she's meeting...

Jamie 3

Jamie is asking Lou, the British manager from our work days ( the only solid manager that worked there), " Do you think Robert would like my hair how it is?" Dream fades before I hear an answer.

Next night

Jamie 4

A long but blurry dream. I'm driving around like crazy. Jamie is asleep in the backseat. Later she's walking around with some girl and they have crazy hairstyles..

( Maybe a metaphor for my delivery driving. I'm speaking to the voice less and less during the day because of it. )