lunagoddess

I watched a girl ride a very fast and large rollercoaster. Sometimes I was her. A lot of people were watching. The ride went forwards and backwards but she wasn't scared. Alicia texted me pictures of belly dance costumes that she was thinking about getting. I was annoyed.

I am pregnant and going into labor. I am at a hospital and they start preparing me. They do a small procedure and give me a little wand thing. If I need to call for the nurse I’m supposed to put that on my privates and press a button. I try and it shocks me so I scream. I’m still slightly sedated. A dream friend takes me to the hospital on a small watercraft. It’s night time but I see a whale jump in the distance. I tell her and she says “Isn’t this such a cool place?” We get to the shore where T.A. and some of his friends lead the way to the hospital. One friend is racist and keeps trying to instigate fights. He asks me if I ever dislike or make fun of his people just because. I tell him no. T.A. tells him to stop. We arrive at the west side hospital where a lot of people are there to meet me. I see Beyonce and she does not look perfect like the media presents her, she looks very disappointing with a belly, uneven complexion, and hooked nose. There’s a little girl eating ice cream. Her pupils are dilated and she looks dazed. I tell her that if she eats too much ice cream she has to go home because labor hurts really bad and I can’t have her around me if she has a sugar high. Lani NS and Kristy S. are there. The hospital looks different than I remember. I check in at the nurses station. It's one of the L&D nurses from D's work who remembers me. From the lobby I hear that racist guy getting into a fight with Lani who wrote a book that he found offensive. I’m not sure where my room is because my name is on the board for all floors. I check each floor just in case. I end up wandering into the waiting room and asking if the hospital has been renovated because it looks different than I remember. They say it has. I’m relieved, I like it better this way. I squeeze past some nurses giving report and end up getting lost near a file room and engine room. People with badges help me out. There are so many men in the hallway. I’m not in any pain right now. The clock says 6. I know that my labor is going to be one of the very long ones; perhaps 12, 24, or even 48 hours. It makes me nervous. I get back to my room and start panicking. How did this happen? How is this real life? This wasn’t planned. Why did I ever think this was a good idea to go through with? I have a vague memory of telling my husband that I felt like I needed to keep the baby and he told me that I was responsible for it completely. It’s too late to do anything about it now. I’m so scared of motherhood and of the pain of labor. I’m not allowed to have an epidural. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. I have a dream within a dream of myself walking into my hospital room and seeing me there laying with my new baby and another woman on a large bed straight ahead. It felt ominous and dark. The dream ended and I called my husband. I could hear him approaching the room so I hung up. He was irritated that I tried to call him, he’s clearly nervous as well. His eyebrows looks different, smaller, shaped, and lighter. He brings me a coin bra that I admire. I ask if it’s for me, he says yes, and I light up. Kristy comes in and they start talking in another language that they learned in the military. Kirsty has improved her skills at it. It goes on for a long time and they are acting quite flirty with each other.