Lulubelle

I'm here because less than an hour ago, I had the strangest experience of my entire life. Right now, I'm feeling a little freaked out, and more than a little embarrassed that I'm actually going to share all this with other people. I'm not sure if I'm going crazy, or if there's something behind all this. The former is more possible than the latter, I think. However, if this is a community about dreams, I need somebody to help me with mine.

First, a little history:

I'm 29 years old. Single mom of two kids. I left an abusive marriage about three years ago, and never looked back. I've always had trouble sleeping, and suffer from severe insomnia at times. When I do sleep, I always dream vividly, but really wild stuff. I suffer from night terrors, and I wake up not knowing where or who I am. It usually takes several minutes for me to calm down. I believe this is the cause of my insomnia simply because it is so much easier to just NOT sleep than it is to deal with the horror of waking up petrified and paralyzed.

I also never, ever sleep during the day. An hour or two in the mornings, coupled with the fifteen minutes here and there throughout the night that I get usually keeps me going just fine. However, about three hours ago, I suddenly felt so tired that I had to lay down and take a quick nap. I wasn't reading or watching television. I was simply sitting on the couch relaxing, got incredibly sleepy and closed my eyes.

I knew I was dreaming. There was a guy there, and I told him (very calmly as if I had known him for a long time) that I was dreaming and how funny it was that I was asleep in the middle of the day. He was very tall and broad. I felt so tiny next to him. His dark blond hair curled a little at the ends, and he wore it in a low pony tail. He also had a full beard and mustache. When I say he was big, I mean he was just massive. Not in any kind of an overweight or muscled way. He was just BIG. More than anything, however, I was struck by his eyes. They were blue and beautiful. But, I also knew him. At that moment, I knew who he was and I was more comfortable with him than I've ever been with anybody. It was like he was my best friend in the world. And his eyes were so soft and smiling and kind. I kept calling him by two names: Dustin and Zachary. I used both names just like I'd been using them my entire life, but I know nobody of either name.

We were sitting in a living room, but not mine or one I'm familiar with. He was telling me things, and I kept saying that I had to remember it all when I woke up. He was telling me not to worry, it was all okay and that for now, I just needed to listen. I KNOW that what he was telling me was the most important thing ever. It was something I needed to know. Not like how to obtain world peace or anything like that. It was stuff for ME to know, and I had to know it. I felt myself start to wake up, and I began to panic and fight it. I started telling him that I didn't want to wake up, and that I needed to stay right there with him and listen to what he was saying. He just smiled at me real soft and said EXACTLY, "Don't worry. I'll tell you all of it over again next time you find me."

I fought waking up so hard. I knew I was asleep, and I knew exactly what I looked like asleep. I'm not saying I could see myself per se. It wasn't like an out of body experience. It was just that I could see in my head what I looked like asleep. But, I was trying to push energy out of myself to keep myself asleep. I felt like I could physically PUSH being awake away from me if I just concentrated hard enough, but I lost and I woke up. The last thing that happened before I left that place and came back here was that he picked me up. Not like a little baby, but picked me up face to face and kissed me very softly and said, "I'll tell you again when you find me again."

Now, it's just an hour or so after I woke up and I'm frantic. I'm crying and feeling ridiculous because that was the most real thing, the most real emotion, I've ever felt in my life and I MISS him. I want him back. I'm not in love with him. This isn't a romantic thing. I just need him back. I need to see his face and hear him talk again, and I've got this thing saying that he's out there and now I need to find him right away. I seriously have spent the last hour on Facebook trying to compare pictures to the names "Dustin" and "Zachary". I'm so upset, and I feel like I need to find this person that I do not know to have him tell me things and I can't even remember what those things are.

Can anybody help me? Am I going insane? Is this something that has ever happened to anybody else at all? This wasn't a dream. This was real. It was so real. I was there and he was there and he's out there somewhere. I need to find this man, but that sounds crazy.