lucid

I went out to work in the morning and when I came back (only a couple of hours later), I decided I should go to bed. I didn't feel like it, but I knew I was super tired. So I did, and did SSILD for a little while. But I couldn't even fall asleep. Then, later on in the afternoon, I felt really tired, so I put the radio on and went to bed. After a little while, I had a feeling like I was coming out of something very deep, everything was dark and the radio sounded funny, but then I felt like I was rising up out of it and I came back again.

Then I fell properly asleep. However, I wasn't aware that I'd fallen asleep (you know how when you have a nap and you feel kind of disoriented and you're never sure if you've slept or how much you've slept?). It was like that. I felt like for so long I just couldn't fall asleep, but I was half asleep for sure, and just day-dreaming. At one point, I lifted my head up and looked out of the window. I didn't know it then, but I was dreaming (unfortunately, I haven't been doing my RCs recently and so I never thought to do an RC after I'd 'woken up'). The other odd thing was, was that the sky outside was concurrent with how it should have looked in real life and there was all the condensation on the window that has been there today IRL. I'm just mentioning this, because I'm impressed at how very real the FA was. My vision was a little grainy and I couldn't hear the radio very well. This happened a couple of times.

Then I was really dreaming. I was walking through my apartment and my housemate was in her room with one of her friends and I thought, "Ohhh, damn, she's back already." (Again, this is pretty much real life, except she's not back yet. And everything was so realistic, nothing really bizarre and random like most dreams). I ran to the fridge and then back to my room, still not aware I was dreaming. I was back in my room and up on the wall I saw a little cupboard with the door slid half way open. I thought, "Who opened that?!" (Except I don't have a cupboard). Then I realised it was my bookshelf. THEN, my bookshelf had changed shape and was in the middle of the room, but apart from that, everything was exactly as it should be, right down to how my room is lit. I was looking at the books on it and I saw five new books that were not there before and are not there IRL, because they're back home. They were some of my favourites and I got really excited. I was like, "Hmm, wait....what..? Mum...?" And then it clicked. I looked at my hand and I had all these fingers and I suddenly felt there and conscious. It was pretty cool, but I suddenly had the most bizarre reaction. I started panicking and saying, "Wake up! Wake up!" Then I thought, "What am I doing?" and started rubbing my hands together. That didn't work, everything went dark and drifted away and I woke up and realised that I'd had some FAs. So 2nd LD and I ballsed it up again. Well, gotta keep on trying!

Lula x

Eeep!

Yesterday, I posted on one of the threads, "I will have a LD tonight. It's happening." Hahahahahahaha.

I can't remember a huge amount of detail about the previous dreams I had. Some stuff about shooting arrows, family very angry with me and shouting at me, some dogs? Things like this. But anyway, I woke up around 7:40 (I think). I didn't really want to move, I was a bit spooked. But, I thought I'd try the SSILD technique. I did a few cycles, but was kind of worried about how my thoughts were wandering, because I didn't feel like they were always wandering to random scenes, sometimes they were wandering to, "How will I write this up tomorrow? What's happening?" etc. I fell asleep, but woke up quickly. It was very realistic, but I did three RCs anyway. They all failed. I reached for my phone so that I would have that to use to RC. Weirdly, I was too afraid to turn around and get it, I just sort of hooked my arm behind me and grabbed it. I kept on doing the cycles and I feel like I got better at them, lost track of where I was, how many I'd done, etc. I thought I was having difficulty falling asleep, but actually it didn't take long. I was having some dreams about being in bed, with my computer next to me. I was just chatting to people and stuff. It didn't feel like an FA; it felt like a dream, but it was kind of like, I knew it was a dream, but I couldn't be bothered calling it out on it. Like I felt passive and partially aware, but not lucid. I'm not sure. This sounds really confusing. I don't know if anybody knows what I mean. You know it's not waking life, you know it's a dream, but that's as far as you go. You might do a reality check, but you're not actively doing it, you're just dreaming about doing it. You're in the dream and you know things aren't really happening, but you haven't made that full stretch into lucidity.

Anyway, I don't know what happened next, but suddenly I woke up, [or maybe my room changed and what I described above was me becoming lucid] and my computer was there but it was going wappy, and I just knew instantly I was dreaming, but this time, I was really there, I was active, inside the dream and I was aware. I sat up and held up my hand. It was dark and I could only see it's outline. It was kind of hard to focus on, but I only counted the right amount of fingers. Still, I knew I was dreaming. I shouted, "Omg, I'm dreaming!" But my voice was thick and distorted and I could feel the dream slipping, so I started rubbing my hands together and I was pleased that I remembered to do this. I calmed myself down for a second and then I got up and there were some things different about my room, and I kept on thinking, "Yes, I'm dreaming!" Normally, IRL, the prospect of waking up in my dark room, where stuff wasn't quite right, really spooked me, but in the dream, I felt confident and happy. I skipped across my room to my door and shouted out, "I will be in Teesside!" This has been a big goal for me in relation to LDing. It's all I can think about at the moment, so I think that's why I picked it. I got super- excited and thought, "Must do this NOW!" Anyway, the same thing happened to my voice and I felt the dream slipping so I remembered that I should crawl around on the floor to stabilise. So I did and it felt so unbelievably realistic that I got excited again and woke up. The time was 9:05.

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After a couple of minutes, it sunk in and I was overcome with emotion. The dream was short and kind of gloomy, but I'd finally had a LD! The thing that really got to me the most though was how unafraid I was. Like I said, this morning, with loads of light coming in, I couldn't even roll over to get my phone, and at night, I run back to my room, even with all the lights on. But in my dream, even with this crazy-looking computer and a dark, shadowy room, I felt nothing but joy. All those fears just disappeared.

I just can't get over it; it was the most incredible feeling in the world. It's mind-blowing. Now I know why you guys are hooked

I can keep this up.

Lula x