non-lucid

PART 1 - POP STAR CAPTURED BY HEROS

Pop star villain who looks similar to Lady Gaga is captured in giant plane by two 16 year olds. They force her to hang outside the cockpit, this makes her pass out so she is not a threat.

They're superheros, that's their character, that's the story... one male and one female who take complete control of the environment through technology, like their big plane, and trap villains.

ANALYSIS

Pop star could represent superficiality.

- - -

PART 2 - WEED FROM CLEE, KICK MOM

At home in my room, I almost buy some weed from Clee (friend.) I have my money out and everything. I'm facing my closet, the weed is on my bed, we're about to exchange... but I change my mind at the last moment.

I follow Clee outside for courtesy, to hang out while he smokes a cigarette, to be cool since I didn't buy from him.

On the way out, mom is laying on the floor at the door of the bathroom/bottom of the stairs (sort of both, dream merge), talking with my aunt (who is standing.)

Mom says something along the lines of "every fit person has a hot person they work out with," some limiting belief that she uses to justify her lack of fitness to herself.

This frustrates me. I get super pissed and attack her, kick her in the head. Aunt is disgusted, "doesn't understand why you can't just be chill."

Clee and I get to the door, I put on my shoes - they're black, bigger than normal, firm and puffy.

We were going to train but it turns out to be raining quite heavily. I put on an act of being upset, even though I didn't really want to anyway - I was only being accommodating.

ANALYSIS

Almost buy weed - because I've been considering changing up my meditation schedule, the thought of getting some occurred to me yesterday, but I decided against it.

Follow Clee outside/pretend upset/accommodating - literal representation of behavior patterns around this person.

Mom laying down - likely represents her weakness, given up on life. Aunt there to support her justifications.

- - -

PART 3 - KILP CONFLICT

Kilp (Jr High classmate) is outside. He threatens me, throws a knife my direction. It lands in the dirt in front of me, as a message that he's "out to get me." He makes some jokes about me to someone else.

I pull the knife out of the ground, throw it up in the air, and it lands exactly in my sheath. Kilp says something sarcastic about "winning his heart" by this display. I say "all mine," double meaning that I will literally take his heart.

ANALYSIS

Perhaps triggered by negative social events at work, feeling "looked down upon," an expression of a desire to fight back.

- - -

FRAGMENTS

Door breaks off, upper class family...

Use toilet positioned in middle of stage, in front of an audience for a SC1 tournament...

Jee visits me, in my room, have chat...

ANALYSIS

The toilet being right on stage seems like an obvious metaphor for self consciousness.

Anyway, I think I need more sleep. I don't feel "refreshed" upon waking up, always tired and groggy. Currently I go to bed at around 12 and wake up at 7. Will see if I can gradually fall asleep at earlier times, beginning with 11.

PART 1 - DAY9

Starcraft 2 Day9 commentary, something about Mutalisks... real life story behind it...

ANALYSIS

Triggered by a comment on the DV forums about Day9 that I made shortly before bed.

- - -

PART 2 - ZEN FOR BROTHER

My brother sees a commercial on TV for a Zen meditation program. It advertises increased productivity, he seems interested.

ANALYSIS

A manifestation of my feeling that my brother doesn't spend his time productively. I don't think it would catch his attention IRL.

- - -

PART 3 - HARNESSES IN THE SKY

With mom and brother... high in the sky, like "top of a mountain" height... in harnesses suspended by cables. Sin (internet personality) teaches how use them properly. Scary and unpleasant.

ANALYSIS

A metaphor for a sense of risk... possibly some sort of preparation leading into "taking the fearful way" below.

- - -

PART 4 - THE IMPENETRABLE PYRAMID

Playing Starcraft, losing to Zerg... there is a pyramid on the map, it's out of place, doesn't belong in the game... it's glowing a neon light purple, possibly pink. It's supposedly "impenetrable."

I hit it (suddenly I'm physically "inside" the game), and a wall caves in. I enter, it's dark, like a tomb to explore.

A giant skeleton statue lifts me off the ground ("telekinetically"), and pulls me flying up toward it.

Next there is a small bedroom... there are old clothes. The previous occupants are long gone, years and years ago.

To get to a narrow closet in the corner, I have to go around behind the bed - and giant sheets which take up half the room - which would be a difficult position to escape from if I had to... but I take the fearful way at each point.

The closet has 2 doors, one leads to next room. There are more clothes left behind, hanging on the closet hook. I look through them, check each one out, the colors.

Suspenders? Old country clothes, possibly farmer clothes...

ANALYSIS

Impenetrable pyramid - represents lucid dreaming, seems almost impossible, a glass wall, trapped in routine. The neon purple/pink represents excitement, emotional stimulation of going outside the norm.

Telekinetic statue - key factor is the sense of flight, reminds me of old childhood dreams.

Old bedroom, old country clothes - a return to my roots, re-experiencing familiar dream sensations from childhood. I remember dreams involving clothes coming to life from back then... this is the reason for the clothes, their oldness is an expression of how long ago I experienced these things.

Fearful way at each point - beginnings of lucidity, semi-conscious decision making!

- - -

PART 5 - JEE AND KEE

Driving with Jee and Kee afterward, I tell them about the whole experience of breaking in and exploring super enthusiastically. I end with "yeah, it was quite a dream"... they don't respond, silent, then they start talking about something else.

Later, walking with them through a jungle area, I see this big (4-5 feet tall) colorful (mainly red, with others mixed) bird with shaggy feathers trying to jump upside down and catch a branch with its feet from the ground.

I say that I like the colors, Kee says the name of bird.

ANALYSIS

Ignored - probably just literal.

Jungle and bird - an expression of my focus on color earlier.

- - -

PART 6 - TEACHER EMAILS

Class, teacher (50s, grey hair and beard, glasses, like "Durant") asks the class for their emails. He hands out sheets of paper for each student to write them on. I'm conscious that the girl sitting beside me might see mine.

One more seat over, "bioking" (email) guy who is obsessed w/chemistry. Mine has "king" in it as well, possibly also something to do w/bio...

ANALYSIS

Was "bioking" another dreamer? Everyone in the class? Have I been enrolled in some sort of "dream school"?

Taking my email - perhaps this part of my mind wanting to "keep in contact"...

Debating, in the analysis portion of these entries, whether to leave ambiguity ("this is possibly an expression of that") or to be more firm ("this means that, period.") Tried more firmness this time, will continue to experiment.

Also, with so much more remembered, it's necessary to write more in point form.

I used the voice recorder for the first time last night, and WOW. HUGE impact. This thing is KEY. Very interested to see how its use will develop over time...

PART 1 - STUCK LIVING WITH CEE

Cee is living at my current location...

She is outside, at the end of the driveway. I go up and say "hi," in a confident charming way, even though I'm only at my current level of fitness... but then I change my mind, think it was a mistake and that I should wait until I'm more prepared, and run off down street (opposite of work direction.)

At night, I watch from outside as Herm (internet fitness personality) breaks in through a window...

I realize I have no choice and have to go back home, since I live there too and need a place to stay. I return but try to avoid Cee as much as possible, try to keep interactions "short and sweet."

She asks how I got there, I say public transport (lie.) She asks if the driver checked out my teeth for some reason, which throws me off slightly. I laugh and say, "not that I know of."

ANALYSIS

Gah. I finally went a day yesterday managing not to think of them that much, and then I have a big dream about them.

Her living here - possibly a metaphor for how she is so deeply ingrained as to be fundamentally a part of myself.

Watching from outside - kind of like, uh, stalking.

Herm break in - possibly the archetype for "douchebag" in my mind, reflection of jealousy, worry over other guy "breaking in."

Forced return - possibly represents the idea that there's nowhere else I can go, she is home. No matter how nice anywhere else is, it's just not the same, it's not "home."

Keep distance, short and sweet - sort of the pattern that always was... I didn't feel like I was up to my own standards, so I have to carefully edit her impression of me in a positive light.

Lie trip up - possibly a reflection of my guilt at not being completely honest.

PART 1 - MIK HILARITY

At work. My friend Mik goes through a checkout. As they do, they say something absolutely hilarious, in a casual way where they don't laugh at their own joke, offhand as they're passing through. I think it's like the funniest thing ever.

ANALYSIS

Mik has randomly dropped into my work places before, so it would fit with that pattern.

The main element here seems to be how nonchalant they were.

- - -

PART 2 - COLB WC3

Playing an old friend I haven't seen in years at WC3. He is Orc, I think I'm human? It's both of us against the computer.

At one point I use chain lightening and he likes the ability. I say we should start over both as a race with chain lightening so we could both do it (which is odd as IRL orc actually has it and humans don't.) He decides against this.

ANALYSIS

This felt like an expression of their "polarity responder" nature. They're the type of person who, whatever you say, will tend to take the opposite position.

- - -

PART 3 - BINGE LIMITED FUNDS

I'm back and forth between the grocery store and current home, trying to make the money I have last for 3 days of junk food.

I decide against 3 pizzas and go with 2, use the extra money for other things, for "variety."

ANALYSIS

I haven't eaten anything unhealthy in almost 4 months now. I think the idea did surface in my mind yesterday, which may have been the trigger, but was quickly negated as it's an impossibility due my ailment anyway.

I tend to take thoughts of binging as a sign that I'm not managing my emotional state well enough, not keeping occupied enough.

- - -

PART 4 - CEE

Something about talking to Cee...

ANALYSIS

Still an "open loop" in my life, undoubtedly they will continue to surface in dreams periodically until some form of resolution is achieved.

- - -

PART 5 - MISSED SC2 PARTY

I find out that there was a big SC2 party held at the local theatre, but I've missed it. For some reason this is quite devastating.

I think Jo from work may have been there.

ANALYSIS

I plan on gradually phasing out my SC2 playing time (which isn't that much to begin with) in favor of other pursuits (drawing), perhaps this is a metaphor for that, the sense of loss.

- - -

PART 6 - DANCING AND 9/9/09

In a room full of people (one is Melinda, an acquaintance from Jr High), all the chairs and tables have been cleared away to free space for dancing. I "dance" (stepping along in small circles) along with everyone, which I remember finding surprising even in the moment, as I wouldn't normally expect myself to go along with something like that.

Later, the room is filled with tables, each having a computer. I look at mine, and notice a pattern in the time and date - it's 9/9/09, 9:09:09.

I remark about this to the person next to me (Borges?), they simply say "no it's not" because by then the time has passed.

ANALYSIS

The first part could be looked at one of two ways: surprising myself by following along with others, or surprising myself by going outside my comfort zone. It definitely feels like the latter.

The main idea of the last bit seems to be, remarking about something amazing to someone, and them not appreciating it. Borges may represent superficiality, which would also be congruent with the theme.

PART 1 - DRAWING

Something about drawing...

ANALYSIS

I've been learning to draw and practiced some new things yesterday, likely trigger.

Wasn't able to get ahold of the voice recorder, hopefully will be able to try it tonight.

I've been waking up through the night a lot lately, which is unusual for me. I think it's because I feel compelled to sleep on my side, but I'm concerned about how that may affect the "ailment" I'm currently dealing with. May give it a try tonight, see if I have recovered enough for it to be comfortable and without negative effect. Would be interesting to see how it would impact recall.

PART 1 - IMPULSIVE GRANDPA

I'm with grandpa. He's acting very impulsive. He keeps eating unhealthy food - I remember one specific instance of a burger from Burger King... and possibly taking drugs (alcohol?). I think to myself that it could be because he thinks he's going to die soon, so he's letting loose.

We're driving along, talking about deep things. We're out in the country, there are a lot of sharp turns. He's barely paying attention to his driving. I think to myself, it must be on autopilot, and with so many years of good driving, it should be fine... I feel safer having thought this.

He talks (I ask?) about his philosophy on various things... I think it had an "all the beautiful people," world peace type vibe... which is interesting as IRL his views tend more toward the conspiratorial.

ANALYSIS

Grandpa recently purchased a motorcycle, and apparently plans on (or possibly has already been) using it.

I really do often think that he's trying to keep himself stimulated by keeping busy, because he's afraid that if he gets too bored he'll just lose the will to live.

His manner has changed slightly as well... more uninhibited.

Definitely need to visit sometime soon.

- - -

PART 2 - OUTDOOR RAP BATTLE

Outside, field in the country... there's about a dozen people lined up, each taking turns freestyling. Lil Wayne (or someone who looks like them) is one of them.

It's my job to pick who competes next. There are bins of food sitting on a table - for some reason instead of picking the people themselves, I pick two foods, and whoever owns them goes next.

I'm picking just before I leave (I'm supposed to compete next, but make some half-ass excuse, grandpa is waiting in car - which is true, but there did not seem to be any urgency.)

The host recommends I pick some frozen meat, I do... turns out it belongs to two Japanese chefs (wearing full white chef uniforms and hats) who barely speak English, he wanted them up for entertainment value.

I head back to grandpa waiting in the car, I see the hills and winding roads in the distance.

ANALYSIS

I started listening to rap again the past few days after taking maybe a week break from it, likely trigger.

I also watched a few prank calls yesterday, which to me seems like the trigger for tricking the Japanese chefs into competing, similar attitude of mischief.

Making an excuse seems literal, I don't feel prepared for something like that.

PART 1 - GUN AND SWIMMING WITH COP PARTNER

I'm a cop. We're in the middle of some operation. For some reason I don't have a gun, but I want one, and tell my partner this. I walk up to the higher up girl - long black hair - to ask for one without thinking, but she's in the middle of some important process with someone else. She has an imposing presence, I feel embarrassed for interrupting and back off.

I'm working with a female partner... I'm on her back as we swim somewhere.

Uh, something about a purple Godzilla-like creature... not sure where this fits.

ANALYSIS

Perhaps the gun represents empowerment, but I'm too afraid to take it. This would reflect my current social life.

Swimming on partner's back, depending on them... I was thinking about asking someone for support yesterday ("Ker"), perhaps that is a metaphor for that.

- - -

PART 2 - LI MEDITATION

At the corner between home and work.

One of my IRL coworkers, Li, is stretching and meditating, cross legged.

ANALYSIS

My shift was right after hers yesterday, and I remember thinking she was very attractive. I assume the impression she left was the trigger.

The meditation and stretching would seem to reflect a certain "divine" presence.

Interesting that it was at "the corner," to which previously only negative experiences were associated (mugging & deception, etc.) There must be some broader meaning to this location.

- - -

PART 3 - NIK

Someone that I vaguely know, Nik... she seems younger and thinner than IRL. Portrayed as a "free spirited" character...

ANALYSIS

The trigger for this must have been looking over some old (almost two years now) Livejournal messages yesterday involving this person.

- - -

PART 4 - WORK

At work. Customer, older lady, late 40s/early 50s, says "Mutalisks are always good." Don't remember how the conversation turned to this...

She wants to hand in another resume, says there's already two more of hers "in the cabinet" (where resumes are kept.) I wonder why she wants to hand in another if we already have two.

ANALYSIS

Perhaps the "stupid question" and slight irritation is simply a reflection of the norm IRL.

I ended up waking up at about 3:30, when I wrote everything down. Having a voice recorder would have been MUCH more convenient for this type of "middle of the night" recording. Unfortunately I forgot my MP3 downstairs.

Tonight I will borrow my mother's electronic voice recorder and keep it by my bed - waking up in the middle of the night with dreams seems to be becoming more common.

PART 1 - DREAM ABOUT DREAMING

Had something to do with dreaming itself...

ANALYSIS

This was right on the edge of my mind as I woke up. I tried to hang onto it, pull it back into consciousness. Felt so close... but faded away.

PART 1 - SKATING AND MAGAZINE WITH FAMILY

In car, driving with mom. I think we're going to a skating rink.

Later, my little brother, B, looks through a magazine in which every page is an advertisement for other magazines. He gets upset because he wants a fitness magazine. I say in a casual way that it's on the way because I've ordered it myself, he calms down. I think he also says something to the effect of finding the women in the ad attractive.

Something about "taking over," a business...

ANALYSIS

No metaphorical meanings for skating jump out at me. Perhaps it's simply a generic symbol for leisure activity, a message to spend more time doing things with my mother.

The subject of B and fitness in general may have been triggered by an event that occurred several days earlier: B went for a run, said it felt great, and was in the middle of preparing some green beans to eat... when mom calls and asks if B wants anything from McDonald's. He gets his usual, counteracting all the good he did. I was upset with mom for this at the time.

B has been making some effort to eat healthier and exercise now and then, would explain his desire for the fitness magazine.

I'm more fit than I've been in years, could explain that I've "already ordered it," my fitness goals are on the way for me.

The attractive women comment seems literal, B often tends to make such remarks.

PART 1 - CROCODILE DODGING WITH G

I'm walking through a water filled area with my friend G. I have to swim from one platform to another to stay above. When I get there, G informs me there are crocodiles in the water.

A bit further, walking along, a crocodile lunges out of a small puddle at me, about three times... but it's kind of moving in slow motion, and isn't coming at me full force, almost as if it's "pulling its punch."

I tell G that, "I need to get my old narcissism back, become A (old nickname from HS), I've become too understanding."

ANALYSIS

The crocodiles "pulling their punch" makes me think of a sheltered environment, being coddled, not exposed to "the real."

The narcissism bit seems literal. I actually do think that sometimes.

- - -

PART 2 - CAPTURED

I'm walking home, turning a corner just down the street, it's dark... a shady character starts coming right my direction from the other side of the street.

When he gets close, I say, "you lookin'?" referring to drugs, to make him think I might be useful somehow, so he won't attack.

He says, "what you got?" I hesitate, wanting to leave options open, making sure he thinks I have something he wants so he won't attack. "Uh, could be anything..."

He realizes I'm lying and decides to mug me. I take out some money and say I'll leave it on the ground for him to pick up once he backs up a certain distance, to ensure I can escape.

He goes along with it at first and gets close anyway and holds me down. I'm held captive, and taken to his group's apartment. I look around for anyone who might sympathize with my plight, but no one shows any sign.

In the light I see the original attacker guy is buff, bulky, with a buzz cut. I remember one other guy, skinny, wife beater, tattoos. There were others, sort of a party atmosphere.

I'm able to get a look out a window, but I see that the next building is too far away to jump to, we're too high up.

I either escape or am rescued, I don't remember. I'm now at the apartment of the "good guys." Similar party atmosphere, everyone is just chilling. They're into magic.

I see someone who looks like someone I work with, K. She is a "good person" and would fit into this culture. It turns out to be her twin sister, my hope for some type of familiarity is dashed.

Someone suggests I call the cops. I wonder why I hadn't thought of that.

I'm on the street (downtown somewhere). I see a cop, 50s, gray hair, mustache, cop hat... I tell him what happened. I don't remember his response. I don't remember at what point in the timeline this took place, it may have been later.

I'm back at the "good guys" place, and the "bad guys" break in - turns out they know magic too, except they're way more powerful than the good guys with it.

The original guy who attacked me is riding a flaming horse. I'm helpless, and think this is probably it for me.

ANALYSIS

This is the second time in a row there's been a shady character who I've tried to fool by leading them on with drugs associated with this same corner near my home! The previous time was on July 30th, before I started recording my dreams online.

"I'm walking down the street to work, it's dark, a shady Muslim dude (in full gear) heads in my direction presumably to mug me. I distract him by asking if he knows where I can find $1000 of weed to play on his self interest. He goes along with it, says we would have to leave the country. We drive the rest of the way and park outside my work. I ask how I would contact him in the future to make him think I was interested in the long term, so that he'll let me go for now. He knew I was lying all along, however, and became angry."

I feel like trying to "trick" the "attackers" is what got me sucked into the web (captured in last night's case)... like I was being punished for being deceptive. They both went along with it at first... like a test to see how deep I would dig my own hole.

This may link up with the message promoting sincerity from the "free beer" dream two days back. I feel this is applicable to me in that I tend to be hyper-aware of managing the impression others have of me, fundamentally out of fear that they won't like me.

The message that stands out, in essence: being deceptive out of fear is a trap that creates your own personal hell from which no one else can ever save you. This must be my "conscience."

I should focus on cultivating honesty; asking myself more in making decisions, "Do I feel good about doing this?"

PART 1 - CF AND PAP

I'm with CF (an internet personality that I know of but have not spoken to), and some guy - tall, athletic, "alpha" stereotype... reminds me of a friend of a friend, Pap.

We're at "their" place at some points, or at my current residence at others - that whole weird dream merging effect.

At one point CF asks me to tell them something about them self. I respond that, "it would only be a guess... well, like, an educated guess."

They seem stumped and say they'll "have to think about that one."

There was a lot more but I can't remember...

ANALYSIS

I have no idea what would trigger the thought of CF. Haven't viewed their content or thought of them in a long time.

This scenario seemed like the stereotypical jock vs deep guy cliche.

- - -

PART 2 - LOOKING AFTER KID

I walk into my kitchen, expecting everything to be normal, but find this kid there - about 8 years old, boy, brown hair.

They're throwing a paper plane around (the nose is bent from crashing into things) and generally being a spazz.

I get the impression they have some high expectations of me because my brother has told them about me in an exaggerated way.

I ask where their parents are.

ANALYSIS

This may have been triggered by a kid who was spazzing at work. They didn't have a paper plane, but they were generally being loud and running about.

A manager at work, Mar, knew them somehow and tried to calm them down. I'd kind of acclimated to their noise and it faded into the background, I remember how quiet it suddenly seemed when they finally stopped.

Maybe when things "fade into the background," they're more likely to leave an impression on the subconscious? Maybe.

PART 1 - FREE BEER AND UNDERCOVER COPS

I'm walking down the street across from where I work, it's night. Some girl, mid 20s, black hair, wearing a professional navy colored suit, is handing out cans of beer - like how some people hand out promotional flyers to everyone who passes by, except it's cans of beer half as tall as a normal can. I take it even though I don't drink. The top is already open when she hands it to me.

I continue down the road and these two older guys start following me, late 30s, one has very light blond hair, almost white, especially his eyebrows, mostly bald... reminds me of Hank from the show Breaking Bad. Don't remember anything about the other guy.

They keep within my personal space, and somehow I figure they must be undercover cops. I look at the Hank guy and call it out, "so, you must be..." He pretends not to know what I'm getting at. I say "nevermind" and cross the street toward work, they follow me.

When we get to the other side, they reveal their identity and ask about the beer, if I've been drinking or plan to. I say that I hadn't drank any and have no intentions of doing so, which is true. They hear the sincerity and conviction in my voice, believe me, and leave me be.

ANALYSIS

The thing that stands out most to me is my conviction when I told them I wasn't going to drink, and the fact that they believed me.

Perhaps a message about the importance of sincerity.

- - -

PART 2 - BAR ZOMBIES

I go to a bar with my dad. There are couches... all of the patrons are sitting silently, staring off awkwardly. Men and women in their 40s, at least some of them are dad's family. I realize that they're just there because they don't want to be alone.

There was a much more complex storyline involving dad as well, but can't remember...

ANALYSIS

I think the important part of this one was the realization that they just didn't want to be alone.

It makes me think of how people will lower their standards in relationships (romantic or otherwise) just to avoid loneliness.

I was feeling oddly lonely yesterday and spoke to someone who I'd previously dismissed as too irritatingly trivial to interact with, just to talk to someone, anyone. I did so more on my own terms than before, however, not changing the way I acted to match theirs. Instead, they changed to match mine. It actually did make me feel better.

- - -

PART 3 - FAIL AT FEMALE DANCE CLASS

I'm in a dance class meant for females. I can't do the movement properly for some reason, I keep swaying back and forth with my arms, but it's not correct. When the session ends, I do a backward roll over my left shoulder.

Teacher is in mid to late 40s, neck length brown hair, taught face with some wrinkles.

ANALYSIS

I generally consider myself fairly feminine in certain ways.

I'm not sure what would trigger that sense of not being able to "get it right," however.

Except perhaps losing repetitively as Zerg in Starcraft, but that seems a bit of a stretch. Oh well, I always try to come up with at least one possibility for each part.

- - -

PART 4 - INFUSING MOVEMENT WITH FEELING IN PAINTING

I think this is the same class as the one above.

A male teacher - 40s, quite fat, longer hair (ponytail?) - challenged by a student that they "can't paint," demonstrates in front of the class by making 2 simple marks of a dark blue. They're very slow and deliberate, he twists the brush to make two marks each conveying movement into the other, like a yin yang. I can see he's infusing much feeling into the movements.

I'm able to recognize it because this is something I do naturally. I allow the feeling to take over my hands. I remember clearly the feeling of my arms moving involuntarily with the brush in the air.

ANALYSIS

The feeling or lack there of conveyed in movement is something I notice in people at all times.

Perhaps this theme of feeling in movement was the result of being quite focused on the sensation of swaying my arms in the previous part.

In fact, thinking about it now, I was really quite aware of it in the moment. I think this may be the first sign of greater dream awareness. It makes sense that it would begin kinesthetically for me. Focusing on body awareness first in dreams may be my personal key to achieving lucidity.

I feel that this is a very important discovery. Progress!

- - -

FRAGMENT

Walking down a street, cars and shops, downtown in some city, night. Someone is impersonating Immortal Technique, one of their lines ends with "poke them in the eye," I think this is weak and not something they would say.

ANALYSIS

Possibly triggered by a post I made on here mentioning IT.

When I first woke up, I thought I would have no dreams to report today. It seems to take some time for me to recall.

For me it's not a matter of "getting it all onto paper quickly before I forget," it's more "keep waiting around until some random thought triggers a memory, which triggers another one..." and so on.

PART 1 - CONTACTING C

I contact someone important from my past over MSN who I've been out of contact for a while IRL, C. We have a brief conversation as if everything is normal, then they block me. In the dream there was no other possible way to contact them, I felt helpless and depressed.

ANALYSIS

I did try to contact C yesterday (not over MSN... long story), so obviously this was primed in my mind.

I felt oddly kind of down as I was going to sleep, and wondered if I might have an unpleasant dream as a consequence.

-----

PART 2 - TIME TRAVEL

Time travel... at a table with a team discussing a mission... girl on team, neck length brown hair, black suit, says it's better that humanity not know certain things/have access to certain technology they're not mature enough to handle...

ANALYSIS

I don't think this was an entirely separate dream, but was related to the one above... somehow. Can't remember the details or context, why time travel was being used or anything.

Upon waking I actually had too many dreams floating in my head at once, most of it was lost.

Particularly in the 10-15 minutes before the alarm went off, I was already half-awake, and basically simply laying there waiting for it to go off. This is probably because I've been waking up at the same time for several months now, and my body has come to expect it.

I'm definitely going to need to keep a notepad by my bed from now on, and record notes about dreams as they come, in the half-awake state at any and all points through the night.

Good sign!

PART 1 - RICH FAMILY PIANO VISIT

I'm visiting some rich, "upper class" family. I don't know how I know them.

There is a mother - 50s, slim, narrow face, short brown cropped hair, well mannered but stern, a cold personality... and a daughter, who looks like someone I very vaguely know IRL.

The house seems to be based on two locations from my past, one from my childhood and one my father's current home. Kind of both at once, as dreams often seem to weirdly do.

I practice on their piano (in the kitchen area from my childhood house)... meanwhile in the next room, the mother is teaching the daughter piano (living room, right across - where there used to actually be a piano IRL).

At one point I crawl into the room toward the corner opposite from them (there is no other furniture other than the piano), where there is a picture of the daughter leaning against the wall on the floor. I "fix" the tilt of the picture. As I do, I'm more or less staring at the daughter. She pretends not to notice.

As I'm crawling back out, I realize that I was staring and that it must have seemed creepy, and think to myself that I should completely ignore the daughter for a while to compensate.

After a while the mother comes in and asks how I'm doing. I pick up on the subtext that it's time for me to go, and say that I was actually just about to head out.

As I'm leaving I notice I'm wearing a bulky green-ish jacket I've borrowed from them. I hesitate, wondering if they'll ask for it back, but suppose they let me keep it for now as it's raining outside.

I think the original reason I borrowed it had something to do with what took place before I arrived, some sense of danger, but can't remember. I remember something about playing in an orchestra...

On my way out (now based on my father's current home), where there is usually a closet by the front door, I notice it's a door into an entire room that is in fact a giant checkers board, with giant checkers pieces to play with and everything.

ANALYSIS

Piano is one of several arts I've been considering to spend my time on while not working on my meditation project, so I'm sure that association is primed in my mind.

Crawling into the room... this could certainly symbolize submitting to their "higher status."

Fixing the tilt of the picture... this could mean trying to improve her self image, perhaps repair damage done by the harsh mother figure.

The checkers room... this could refer to decadence, extravagance, this rich family having a whole room just for checkers.

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PART 2 - RAP ALBUM G

I'm talking to my IRL friend G about releasing a rap album. I say that I'm not super motivated to release one at this point, otherwise I would be "working my contacts," that it's "just a hobby right now."

ANALYSIS

Perhaps trying to qualify myself, essentially trying to prove, "I could if I wanted to."

PART 1 - PLAYING SC2 WITH G

Playing my friend G in Starcraft 2. They don't actually play IRL. This part won't make any sense to anyone who doesn't play...

I was Zerg at some points and Protoss at others... it's one of those weird dream effects where both are sort of true at the same time.

I expand twice with no army, they attack before I can make one and win.

We have a rematch, this time I'm careful not to over-extend myself, I make a bunch of Photon Cannons. We don't get to finish the game for some reason, it ends before any real battles happen.

ANALYSIS

The thing that stands out most to me is the symbolism of proactive/reactive, or offensive/defensive.

I would say I tend to act in a reactive way around this friend. Perhaps the game was a metaphor for this.

- - -

PART 2 - WEBCAM WITH G

Next, G turns on a webcam. It's starting to get late. They are in some sort of party environment... loud music in the background.

At one point this music production guy that G is working with (in the dream) comes on cam. Short hair, black t-shirt, mid 30s, quite buff. Don't remember anything he says.

ANALYSIS

This seems to relate to the fact that IRL G "has things going on" in their life, while I'm still at a point of preparing for the future, without much of note happening in mine.

- - -

PART 3 - WRONG TURN DOWN A LONG, WINDING ROAD

Now, it's dark. I leave the house, presumably where the above scenarios took place. I'm riding a bike, presumably headed "home" (wherever that is in this particular dream world.)

I take a long turn down a long, winding, isolated, spooky road. It goes on as far as I can see. There are bushes on either side. Once, maybe twice, an old guy (60+) passes me going the opposite direction in a car. I'm singing to myself out loud about how I don't want to get attacked.

At some point I realize I'm going the wrong way and turn around, right at a sharp U turn in the road.

As I do, a lanky older guy (40+) with glasses, narrow face and messy brown hair, possibly wearing a trench coat (or I may just be adding that retrospectively) starts following me. I stop and tell him to wait in place for a bit until I'm farther ahead, he does so. I have a rectangular knife for protection but don't have to use it.

ANALYSIS

I'm constantly thinking about what paths to take in life, planning my future, repetitively reevaluating the conclusions I come to. When I come to a conclusion I often jump "all in"; but often, I change my mind and jump back "all out." All or nothing.

On a symbolic level the first thing that comes to mind is that I almost decided to spend the next year hardcore studying online poker, but decided against it after hearing even the best can often go upwards of a full year with little winnings on a downswing.

Could have been a lot of time and effort spent in a less than optimal way, may also explain the sense of risk.