Kumara

Bed @ 10:15pm
Wake @ 5am
Bed @ 6:30am
Wake @ 8:50 am

(before wbtb)
400mcg Huperzine-a
4mg Nicotine gum
2 tabs Theanine Serene
1 Natra Sleep

When I woke up the first time I realized waking up so late was a mistake, but it was worth a try, and I'm surprised I had the success I did. It just took so loooong to get back to sleep, hence the extra supps to get to sleep.

I don't remember the first part when I first became aware, just that there were a lot of people around and I realized it was a waste of my dream time so I flew out through the ceiling. My intended task was to dialog w/my inner self about the pattern/habit of punishing and abusing myself for perceived mistakes, for being in pain, for being weak, etc. I was flew through the ceiling, asked the dream, "hey, dream, what's beyond this dream?" and
next I was in room with my dad. My dad was lying on a mattress on the floor to my left, head away from me. He seemed young, and we were talking really comfortably, with an affinity that I usually don't feel IWL (due to an abusive past). It seemed to me that he and I were "on assignment", and I was trying to wake him up to help him remember his true self. I felt so tender and loving toward him, it was a little awkward in the dream. I said something to him, and he said something like he was remembering, it was coming back to him.

He then held up his right hand and a green light was blinking from inside his wrist.."There's a transmitter" he said. I looked at his left hand, and saw a digital "10:44" shining through his wrist. I lifted his hand, surprised, and remarked on it, there was some kind of device under his hand that now showed a different time. (In the dream, it wasn't a clock or a watch.). Then I moved up by his head, and he turned on his right side and I asked myself, "What does he need?" and then I held him very tenderly. That also felt kind of weird to me, to be so close and so tender toward my father, but I knew I was dreaming and went with it.

There were some non-lucid snippets of being in a room lying on air mattresses with my ex, "T". I was unconsciously moving toward him to have sex with him and some other part of me kept reining myself in, saying "noo nooooo nooo, that's not what I want, remember? I don't want to have sex with him."

I became lucid again and flew again through the ceiling, and said, "Hey, dream, I want you to take me to a beautiful healing temple where I can be alone in a room and collect my thoughts." I began moving at warp speed through a light tunnel, I heard a chorus of beautiful voices that sounded like angels and I felt ecstatic and a little uneasy because I heard the voices singing, "Righteous.....righteous....righteous....righteous ....". It was beautiful and not like a taunt, it still made me wonder, though. I emerged in a plain beige room (yah, thanks so much subconscious) with a nerdy-looking older man wearing a beige suit, glasses, with brown hair and a brown beard.

His back was to me at first, I approached him and asked him, "What do you know about "righteous"?", thinking, my subC dumped me there so he could help. He said, "I can't say I "know" anything about it..."
Me: "Okay, what can you tell me about it?"
Him: "Well, it's complicated. It's a paradox."
I hear someone approaching, and he gives me a look like I better get out of there. I'm thinking, it's a dream, maybe I should face this...but the guy is directing me with his eyes to get out so I left.
There was a gap, next thing I know, I was kneeling by a window on the floor (like one of those basement windows, only it was inside) and a woman in a blue "prison" shirt with dark hair is trying to pull me in where she is, and a long line of women behind here are all holding each other like a conga line, all trying to pull me in together.
I'm pulling back, holding my own, and asking, "WHAT DO YOU NEEEEED????"
I don't remember if she said anything, I was a little frantic, and I said, "I send every one of you one hundred pieces of love..." (totally ganked from Robert Waggoner, lol).
They were still pulling on me, and I yelled out, "God give these women what they need!"

Not sure of the sequence of this part - I walked into a room, and had some big some kind of being stuck to my back. I thought of "monkey on my back", and also think I noticed there was a small hand and also thought it might be related to an experience from the past I'm not quite over yet. As soon as I walked into the room, I saw something that looked like a metallic red hair dryer (come to think of it, it would be more in function like a creme brulee torch) and I walked over to it, pressed the top that I knew would make a flame come out, and turned my back on it so the thing on my back would catch the heat from it. (I guess I was thinking it was like a tick...if you put a flame close to a tick it will detach itself and crawl away). I think it did come off but I'm not sure.

The scene changed, I was flying again, and I said, in a voice that surprised me by how lyrical and strong and confident I sounded, "I want to experience being FREE!". Suddenly I was immersed in and swimming through ocean water that was deep blue and so beautiful. I was somehow in a building that reminded me of a church because it had dark wood frames and stained glass, yet I was still in the water. The building shrank and got smaller, while I was still in water, until I felt as if I were in a coffin. I felt slightly claustrophobic, and reached for a wall, wondering if I should try to break out, or try to wake up.

I reasoned that, I'm dreaming, I can breathe in the water, and I'm not going to die, so let's just see what happens.
I noticed the texture of the 'coffin' changing, to leathery, and a crack appearing above me. I thought "reptilian egg', and saw black filigree spine plates like a stegosaurus pass by the crack, and heard a roar. I was frightened at first, then wondered if I was one of them, if I was a dinosaur about to hatch, in which case I was one of them and belonged and it would be ok to hatch. I pecked at another part of the 'egg', and saw a hand reach through to pull a chunk off.

I thought, "oh, wow, I'm getting help!"
More pieces came off, and I found myself face to face with a muppet, who reminded me of one of the "yip-yips", only he was bright red, and was wearing a viking helmet. He had great big plastic saucer eyes.

I was like, "wtf? a muppet? whut tha wha?" and struggled to stay in the dream, but woke up. I was too awake to get back into it.