dream fragment

Bed @ 2am
Wake @ 7:45am

200mcg Huperzine-a
4mg nicotine gum

Dream 1 -
I was in a room that looked like a dressing room, rustic-style, wood. I walked out and approached a full length mirror.
I saw my features shift and blur and I knew that I was dreaming (for a moment).
I thought or said, "I want to see how beautiful I *really* am."
My hair was dark and thick and straight and started to stand on end, it freaked me out a little and then I turned and walked into another space. It was like a saloon, I may have walked through swinging doors. The room was full of men playing pool. All of them looked at me as I entered, and they seemed to all be looking at me with hostility.

I felt a little unnerved, and tried not to show it and to appear confident. I passed a pool table where two men were playing a game of pool, all of the balls were 8-balls, there were a lot of them, more than a usual game, and some of them were sitting perched on plastic cups, my impression was they were filled with jack and coke and maybe water.

I picked up one of the 8-balls, and walked outside. I saw an area to the left and thought that I could go there if I imagined a bridge. I rolled the 8-ball on the ground like a bowling ball, flew up in the air, and asked, "what's beyond this dream?" and woke up.

**I wrote in my scribbles "Who are you really?" and I vaguely remember asking that in the dream

Dream 2 - At a place that was related to work in some way. I was sitting on a wooden porch, and there was a trapdoor that I had put a lot of stuff in. Colorful blankets, a clear plastic box of stuff. I pulled it all out and tried to put it back in neatly, and realized it wouldn't all fit back in. It all fit before because I had just tossed it in carelessly, and now that I was trying to organize it, there wasn't enough room.
I dug through the stuff in the plastic box, and there were two items that are hard to explain.
They were silver nickels, but they had silver tabs attached to them, it was like the tabs had to be removed before the nickels were valid. I pulled one off, and noticed the weight and the design of it, then pulled the other one and noticed that the design of it had changed and was now more scroll-like, more delicate, and the weight of it had changed to thinner and lighter.

I tucked a blanket in around the top of the stack, and chose the plastic box to take out while I closed the trap door. I was explaining all of this to someone standing to my right, possibly C.

Fragments - in a room with Teri, images or thoughts of a room full of women, of goddesses.
An image of staring at a drawing hanging on a wall of St. Christopher. It was sepia-toned.
Teri was sitting on the floor in front of me and I sat behind her and pressed myself against her, cuddling her from behind.
In a room talking to two guys, a contemporary couch like an Ikea couch, a scenic view from the apartment.
Talking to a couple of people in a modern kitchen, leaning over the bar facing them (they are in the kitchen). There are a couple of coinpurses on the counter and I look through each one to see what's inside.
I feel a little self-conscious, and explain that I just like to look through the change.
Something about noticing that all of the people in the room or in my life or something all had been abandoned or had abandoment issues.

Fragment 1 - I was snuggling up to C, he was lying back on the arm of a couch and I leaned forward and let him put my arms around him. I was reassuring him all I wanted was cuddling, I wasn't trying to make a sexual advance. It felt nice to get close to him, and I was still a little nervous.

Fragment 2 - I was redecorating a coffee shop (?) and was with friends hanging long strands of beautiful large jewels on the wall like garland. I rearranged them so that the colors were more harmonious and spread out and there was more green prominent. I noticed a place on the wall where the strands covered a white sheet of paper that was stuck on a corkboard on the wall. It may have been a yoga class schedule, and I stuck a clear thumbtack through it and said, "the yoga has to GO." I moved over to a woman sitting in a booth in the shop, who seemed a little surprised and I think she was the one who designed the sheet and she said, "but I haven't even saved that one yet", as though me changing it somehow deleted the design from her computer.

1st dream - I was riding in the back seat of a car with a young man, he was on the driver's side behind a man driving, who was a "Father" type man. We were riding to rehab or something like that.

waking dream - a snippet of a conversation with my son, I pulled him aside into a room, sat him down in front of me and asked him firmly, "What is it that you MEAN?" or "What is it that you WANT?" (not sure).

2 Natra Sleep before bed

I remember having dreams about "soul" and "angels" through the night but couldn't remember them when I woke up during the night.

Upon waking:
I was a cashier at a tiny, old convenience store. There was an old black man standing next to me, watching the tools in my register multiply - the 'register' was a drawer with a kitchen utensil drawer inside of it (like the one I just bought) and the tools looked like kitchen tools, peeler, bottle opener). A guy came up and handed me a $5 bill, and I wondered if I had change because there was no money in it before.

I opened the drawer to give him change, and in the 2nd slot from the right there was a stack of cash, which surprised me, and I pulled out some $1's, and noticed a $20 in the middle, I thought the guy was trying to trick me into giving him the twenty.

The end.

WBTB
bed @ 11pm
wake @ 4am
bed @ 5am
wake @ 7:45am

8g galantamine
2mg melatonin
250mg choline

galantamine fail. could be due to previous nights huperzine use

I was at a party with some of the women from the 'scene', the 'other' April and maybe Ali was there. I just remember being on a couch hanging out, then in a room where April handed me two cookies and said, "Here, eat these." I did, and then I started to feel high. I asked her if they were 'special' cookies and she said yes, and I was upset because I have been clean for 6 months and didn't really WANT to get stoned (gee, galantamine, a little lucidity would have been nice here...).

Snippet of a guy being unhappy with his girlfriend, I remember some kind of rock n roll dude that picked his gf up like a doll and showed her to me, she was blonde with colorful tats along her shoulders, I was thinking something like they made a good pair.

At some point I was trying to find my shirt because I was sitting around in only my panties feeling exposed.

I was massaging a guy's neck and woke briefly from the dream to find myself massaging my right thigh.

Morning of Sun 06/19/2011

200mcg huperzine-a
4mg nicotine
1mg melatonin

Wake @ 2:30 am
Bed @ 4:00 am (so annoying that it takes me so long to get back to sleep)

Dream 1: I was talking to a baby with a really round head, blonde hair and startling blue eyes. At first I was going to pass it by, but I turned back and asked the baby to tell me something about myself. It said, "You are inquisitive and (something about awareness)."

Dream 2: I was moving into a new apartment, in a special complex. My mother was asking about the phone installation (IWL she use to be a telephone cable repair tech.) and I asked her why she wanted to know, because she's retired. She told me she gets called in for special contracts because she is the only one who can do certain types of work...I didn't want to tell her where my new place is, I didn't want her to mess with my phone and there was something with an image of Taylor in my mind when I was talking to her. I was evasive and annoyed because it felt like she was being smothering or invasive.
(***note - later in the day, I felt emotionally vulnerable. I saw some dragonflies over the fence, and my sister remarked that my grandmother had loved them. I didn't know that, and several thoughts of how dragonflies are a meaningful symbol to me and a particular experience with one just before I left the state all converged and I felt my grandmother's caring, guiding presence and burst into tears...my sister was really surprised by my display of emotion. Also, later, my mother came to me in the kitchen and said, "Thank you for being my daughter." which is really different from her usual "thank you for putting up with me."...and we hugged and kissed and I felt very tender toward her (VERY unusual, my mother and I have never been close)..and I spontaneously said to her, "Thank you for being my mother, nobody else could have done it like you." Which seems related to the "special contract" part of the dream. I'm quite pleased with the integration and processing work that seems to be happening!!***)

Snippet: I remember doing an RC by pinching my nose shut and realizing I could breathe but apparently I either don't remember what happened or the lucidity was very brief.