joeseph

during the course of the night i found myself travelling. i was among a huge crowd of people, and we were walking along an abandoned freeway. everything was peaceful. i formulated some words, to use as a marker: once society is gone, there will be highways full of love. i started to run soon, as i took a turn down a decrepit offramp. there was a horse chasing me, and i had to jump over this gap. i could barely make it, but it would deter the thing that was chasing me. i remember it as a part of another story; this is where he breaks his legs.

so i make the jump, at the cost of hurting myself, and walk off and away. i remember looking at the trees in front of me, as the sun was setting. i realize: this is an amazing place. it dawns on me. why should i turn away from the sun, from beauty, from comfort? except there were no words in the realization. i'm not about to stick with this shitty storyline where i break my legs and then walk into the forest at dark...

i turn around. the sun gets brighter and brighter; the day goes backwards as more of the meadow i'm in is illuminated. it's breathtaking. i see, appreciate, visualize, create. now, for some place to sit down. i see a spot up on a hill and make towards it. i am enjoying nature around me, the beautiful scene that i've become aware of. if only i had something to eat...

without even wanting it that bad, i see a plate of sandwiches on top of the platform! i near the crest of the hill to see more of the plastic platform that was designed for me. wouldn't you know, there is a copy of super smash bros all set up, with Falco waiting on the screen for me, already picked. i turn around to scope out the little valley below me... it has been set up as an amphitheater. there is a projector which can broadcast smash to a theater-sized screen. wow.

but this isn't all that i want. these things are just secondary. the act of creating was more important. the comforts are no good in comparison. with great power comes great responsibility. i can't settle for this anymore.

i walk around some more, and the dream slips back into non-lucid. i talk to someone about playing a "perfected game," playing around the edges. a perfectionistic game. steven is there. he still plays, although it's a different game--he sprays gunfire into the lockers along the wall, opening various doors. pinging sounds, and different point denominations pop up. that's cool, i guess.

the second dream, steven is driving us along the highway. he's in a big van. we nearly get in an accident; there's some way crazy shit going on. different drivers stop and swerve. we go past a cop, another one... strange he didn't pull us over, but maybe it was because the evasive/risky driving helped us avoid an accident. or maybe it was because there were other things on his mind...

we soon come to a DEAD STOP. people start shouting "GET TO THE GROUND!" There is running. I feel true panic, and helicopters show up, and armed men rappel down the side from ropes. THE TERRORISTS ARE HERE. Except it ends up being a government agency, run rogue. This is authority doing this. Everybody flees. I go to the side of the highway, since I didn't get much chance to run. I tumble down, down, and do my best to hide by curling up into a ball. i wait anxiously, noting the quality of my breath and the way the panic makes me focus.

I've been found. A huge man comes up to me and points a massive gun to my head. "Join us," he says. I look up, and in a fraction of a second, before I can respond, he shoots me.

I'm dead. But I walk and float around as a spirit. The men are burly as hell, straight out of the movies, and their guns are nearly as big as they are. I see them rounding people up. "Join us." At a moment's hesitation, they shoot them in the head. This isn't fair.

I have an awakening. Fuck this. I'm going to do justice to them. I come at one of the soldiers, and we fight for awhile before I realize that I can phase through him, as a ghost. I go to the man who killed me and seize possession of his body. He jerks around in pain and panic. I make him jump off a balcony into the courtyard, and it brings me great pleasure to feel his neck breaking. He is dealt with.

The setting is now a mansion. I float around all ghastly, and I try to hover and levitate. I get mixed success, but can't really escape the pull of gravity. As I float upstairs, I see a creepy-looking house fixture, which may be imbued with the spirit of someone else who lived or died here. There is a face I perceive, and it starts to talk to me, rapidly, in whispers, faster than I can comprehend. I'm scared, but not deterred. As I near the thing the voices intensify, but the dream fades. I fade back into sleep paralysis, and feel my hands, which have fallen asleep over my stomach. Back into reality, at least for a bit. (I got a pretty intense wave of fear writing that, just now.)

A third dream, mostly non-lucid. I am at my grandparents' house. The main arc was the ocean. I go out back and it is beautiful, syrupy and black and calm. I go back in the house and see some waves. They are big, and I wonder if they'll come up to the house. But they don't. I go back in and back out again, and there are surfers on the waves. The prominence of the ocean fades in and out as I perceive it. I am losing this place.

Here is my dad, who is more attached to this view than I am. "This is the last time, isn't it?" One of us says this, the other nods and cries. Maybe it's both of us.

The surfers populate the waves, and they come towards me exultantly. But they won't reach! I go into the neighbor's house, trespassing inadvertently, to try and get a better view. But it doesn't work. Eventually I am wearied, from trying to create the signs, and I have a false awakening. My sister is there; I'm trying to watch a blank TV and create visualizations, crazy black and red lines. It feels like a futile pursuit. "The same kind of people who do this are the ones who stock close." ....But I do other things than stock close, too. She grabs the remote and makes the tv ROTATE back and forth, like a tower fan, which bugs me to no end. I hit her, hard, grabbing the remote, and then kick her once, out of hatred. Immediately I feel guilty. Soon I wake up IRL, knowing almost exactly how much longer I've slept in for.

No pain no gain.