Uncategorized

May 12, 2005 @ 08:24 AM

This is an old Nightmare I had once, that I recently found again in one of my old notebooks and posted onto a dream interpretation site right after I had it. Because I thought I might want to read it again/share without searching through my old notebooks (or going to that hard to find site) again I thought I'd post it here. It's probably the only dream I've ever had (next to my first lucid ^above^) that has become engraved in my memory and also the worst nightmare I've experienced. Changing the font to red, so I can tell it was a nightmare.

well I've had this dream once before (at least i think i have, everything felt like i experienced it before. well I'll get to that later). this is a kind of long story, but it was soo weird. i remember it almost perfectly and it's been 6 hours now since i woke up.

OK first the dream starts out after i die. i wake up in a weird Aztec style temple. on the other end opposite from me. there's a weird symbol (kind of like a tribal design, it was orange.) on the floor there was the same symbols (except these ones were dark purple). covering the entire floor.
then i got my first sense that I've had this dream once before. and it told me that the orange symbol would lead to heaven and all the other ones would lead to hell.

so i start at entrance to the temple. and the only way to get to the orange symbol is to jump on these stone slabs (connected to the ceiling from chains). so i almost fall a few times, but eventually get to the orange symbol and I'm transported to some place.

this place is very very colorful (like an LSD trip). it's looks like a bed room, but it;s huge and full of shelves. on these shelves are all kinds of interesting trinkets (i don't remember why they were interesting, just kind of hypnotic). so this store/house is full of a bunch of people (strangers). and they just seem like they're high or drugged heavily and they're just laying around, doing nothing.

so i try to talk to one of them, and right when i do out of the corner of my eye, i see this freaking eerie black cloaked figure. it's wearing a mask (i think it was red), it's holding one of those things monks use (with the chain connected to a urn type thing, with smoke pouring out of it. i don't know what they're called, but their used in religious ceremonies.)

anyways, this cloaked figure starts waving this smoking urn around and purple smoke is going everywhere...now it really gets crazy. everything starts moving in super slow motion, i start hallucinating (the dream felt like i was anyways, but now it's like in high gear), then i get a sense of deja-vu again (like i had this dream once) and then i got the feeling this wasn't heaven it might be hell and i was tricked about the symbols.

so after this thing goes away through a door. it's gone, awhile later. i return back to a normal state of mind. then this black person next to me, starts talking to me but i can';t understand him except one word "relax". but i try to stand up and wander around some more. and then i notice the entire place is filled with doors. and i turn around to see the cloaked figure again, trying to sneak up on me (this happens a few times), he looks more evil now. and i get a sense of deja-vu, telling me to slap this thing around. so i start chasing him. and this goes on for awhile, i can't catch him.

then the dream kind of skips to me being chased by him and scared out of my mind. he's still wearing the cloak, and has the urn full of purple gas, but he's not wearing a mask anymore (he looks like a reptile..kind of). for some reason i feel like i knocked his mask off and saw his face, then i got scared and started running from him. like i said this goes on for a while. but then the last time, he starts waving his purple gas stuff around. and i hold my breath to try and not breathe it, and everyone (the strangers) around me start freaking and going completely nuts. then i take a look at the black guy(who tried to talk to me earlier) arm. and his vein are throbbing and i can see frogs coming out of his arm and his arm seems to be mutating (growing tentacles), i get the feeling he was transforming into something like the cloaked thing. so i take of running and right when he';s closing in on me (the cloaked figure) and about to catch me. I wake up.

I'm scared, I'll never forget that dream for quite some time. i tried to see what it was trying to tell me. and the only thing i can think of is that I'm lazy and in bad health and i need to quit. cuz it seems as long as i didn't try to do anything and i just sat around doing nothing. the cloaked figure wouldn't try to sneak up on me. (but i don't know anything about dreams.)

EDIT: i don';t know if it's important or not but i could completely control myself. and this dream felt really real.

plus should i post this in the spiritual section as well. cuz it seemed very epic and i think i'll remember this one for a while.

but i remembered this and thought it might be important. everytime i saw the cloaked figure trying to sneak up on me the entire colorful house went black.

and i don't do drugs, i smoke cigarettes and i just quit drinking.

i don't know if i'm describing this very good. but the only way i can describe the cloaked figure, is he feels looked, moved, and felt like the definition of terror, fear, and death, i don't know. but if anyone ever asks me what death looks like, i'll give that description . the dream doesn't scare me as much as picturing what he looked like.

It was really a strange dream though. The mask this thing was wearing was kind of like a porcelain mask, with a human face but featureless.
kind of like this except not as much detail. I think I pooed myself after thinking about that nightmare again.

April 9th, 2007

Last night I had a fairly strange dream. Took me awhile to get online to write it down so the details may not be as good as they should be. The dreams location took place in Wisconsin, on a snowy day in a small town similar to where my Mother lives, her house was just as old as her current house is, however it was a completely different house. I was moving up there and apparently going to school there as well. I had what I assume to be my cousin (who does not exist in real life) meet me and help me get used to the area, unpack, ect... She was a platinum blond woman, attractive, and of the same age as me (23), she had a very outgoing personality and was quite courageous.

Details of the dream seem sketchy at best, but for one reason or another we were running through the neighborhood. The neighborhood was weird in design and appeared to be slanted (as in running downhill at a very sharp rate) the houses on one block were completely covered by hills, so it's kind of like you would be running down a hill and next thing you know..you were running on top of someones roof and it just continued in that manner. To make this run felt as if it took an insane amount of balance, to not fall off an injure yourself.

But me and my cousin (i assume) were running full speed down this gauntlet of balance. After making it fairly far down the hill, suddenly the hill stopped on someones roof and became a HUGE drop off. I was ahead of my pretend cousin and I noticed it first and tried my hardest to stop, but I was running too fast. In a split second decision I decided to drop off and grab the edge of the roof (gutters). My cousin quickly came to my aid and helped pull me up, afterward I thanked her and we both decided it would be much safer to simply walk on the road the rest of the way (yes apparently there was a road the whole time, though I don't recall seeing it).

We reached my mothers house and my cousin decided she had to get something out of the car. When she opened the car door, she suddenly collapsed. I was freaking out because she seemed motionless. I looked in the car door and there was what appeared to be a red electronic box (in retrospect I assume the box was a dialysis machine, which I guess that's what it was), I called for my mom to come help, my mom came out and hooked her up to it and almost immediately she regained consciousness, but was too weak to stand up. So I picked her up and carried her inside the house and laid her down on my bed. She seemed much better after only a few seconds of laying there and she thanked me for the help.

Then I woke up and felt completely unrested.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Looking back on the dream the relationship with my cousin (?) seemed to be a very deep one. It felt as if we were the best of friends, looking out for one another despite whatever the obstacle. It felt like a relationship of true love (not in that way you dirty minded weirdo), but one of complete understanding and care. I get the vague feeling that she was a representation of myself. To give a representation of our relationship, it felt as if she would've died...so would I.

Seems so strange that my mind would be able to create such a believable relationship to someone whom does not even exist in real life. It kind of makes me realize the power of the unconscious mind.

March 5th, 2007

This is my first lucid dream, so I'll be adding it into a different color font. because it's an important step in what i wish to accomplish.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
November 13th, 2006

It started when I was trying to go back to sleep. I had a hangover & was basically trying to relax my eyes. I started to become half-asleep and half-awake, yet i was able to use my imagination and I could tell anytime my mom was moving around the house or coming anywhere near me (i was on the couch).

But at some point between laying there and trying to simply rest. I was dreaming and i could somehow tell instantly. I started screaming at my self to realize that i was dreaming, reaching desperately for lucidity. In the dream i was riding in a car and once my screaming reached me, i remembered to try the clock-test. It was incredibly hard to read the clock. But i read it and noted the time. I had to try REALLY hard in order to make myself read it again. But sure enough when i finally did it, the clock read a completely different time.

I could recall all of the stuff that was possible in the dream world. I screamed (mentally) that I wanted to be at a tropical beach. Easily enough the setting of my dream changed to that of a beach. Unfortunately the beach was more like Panama-city beach than a real tropical setting. (Murky water, dirty sand,ect..) So I screamed again (The screaming is kind of like a yelling/thinking command, than a vocal scream) for it to be a "tropical beach". Instantly (with a flash of pure white, like my mind blanking out) it changed into a Caribbean style beach, the most clear ocean i have ever seen in my life.

Now the entire setting of my dream was that of a tropical beach. Complete with ocean, sand, buildings, and beach goers (dream characters I've never seen any of them before), filled the otherwise empty environment.
every single one of the dream characters in this dream was a bikini clad woman.
Still there was one problem with the setting. The beach was so small. If i could describe it I'd use a video game reference (best way i can), beyond the ocean there was an edge and everything beyond that point was just a white void, as if it was the edge of the universe.

I "screamed" once more and with it. the beach and world stretched as far as the eye could see in all directions. It was a mesmerizing place. Like something straight out of a travel brochure. Beautiful women, peaceful environment, and me being there, made it something of which i could only describe as nirvana.

After talking with a few of the dream characters (dialog i didn't remember) and basically wasting the time. I sat down and admired everything that I had created. Unfortunately this was my downfall, for after awhile I started to lose lucidity and I returned to an uncontrollable dream-state and even changed settings to some weird hybrid of a mall/fun-house.

But WOW! Everything in that beach setting was SO lifelike. I could feel the oceans current hitting my waist in knee-high water, i could feel the sun against my back, I even recall having coherent conversations with the dream characters (though as above, what they said was not recalled). It was one of the best experiences I've ever felt in my life. I hope I can someday reach lucidity again and experience it all over again.

September 21, 2006

After going along while without remembering any dreams. Last night i smoked some Dream Herb before passing out. it worked, not to a great effect, but after the rut i was in anything is better than nothing.

Well this dream (from what i can remember) seems to have a theme of addiction. Taking place in two places of my past, when i used to smoke alot of weed, drink, ect.. But my brother was also there, drinking (as he does alot lately). He seems to be the focal point of what i can remember, probably because he was so much like he is in real life. All i can really remember about the dream is my brother drinking ALOT. Eventually ending the dream with him pissing himself and his bed and myself having to watch over him to kind of take care of him. One thing about this dream that really stood out was that the book "1984" made numerous appearances throughout my dream, which is strange cuz I've never read it before. It's kind of creeping me out that "1984" kept showing up in my dream.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well it wasn't much of a dream. but it's better than nothing. hopefully now I'll be able to recall more dreams but i suppose everyone has their moments of not being able to remember them. Yesterday i didn't really have a chance cuz i only slept for 3 hours. So now that i can get a full nights rest. I'm sure more dreams are coming.

Well last night i decided to try the dream herb again. This time i smoked two cigarettes of it (instead of one). Let me just add that as smooth as the smoke of this substance is, by the end of two of them. your throat feels on fire, mouth dry, and you feel like strep throat is right around the corner. It's recommended that you drink some tea of then smoke a cigarette of the dream herb. I'd have to agree. smoking two in row not only doesn't make you all that drowsy. but the downsides of a burnt throat is just not worth it.

Well was two better than one? my opinion... yes I dreamt all night last night. I still seem to only recall a small portion of it. but that's only because i was swamped with dreams. seems like i was dreaming forever.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I seemed to have been in a poor southern village (like so poor it was as if i was stepping back in time). I had no money and only had a dog to accompany me (i don't have a dog). An older woman decided to put me up in her spare house/hut, in exchange for work. somehow i ended up all of a sudden having a motorcycle (which didn't fit the settings at all). but it must have been a few weeks or so that went by.

So after working for the old woman for a while, it seems that the village had warmed up to me. Because i seem to have known them well enough for passing comments. (which was strange because I've never seen any of these people in my waking life)

this is where i think i should call this a new dream, despite people from the old one being in this one

a man i was working for one day invited me to his home for dinner and i agreed. i arrived and was introduced to their daughter (whom i can honestly not remember at all what she looked like, which is weird for what happened later). So i eat and his daughter offers me to go hang out with some of her friends. OK.

(i don't remember what happened in-between)

suddenly I'm joking around with the mans daughter in a restaurant and i ask her to marry me. suddenly her dad jumps in and is being super violent. so i manage to get away with his daughter.

(different dream i guess? but it involved the same people? weird..never happened to me before)

so now me and the mans daughter are being chased around the country side by the entire town, they had trucks & cars. i was on my motorcycle, but sometimes i would be in a car too (weird stuff). they must have chased us around for a what seems to be about an hour. before the town brought the cops. so now the cops are chasing us and eventually they catch us. i believe outside a supermarket.

so the girls dad gets out of the police car, with two sheathed swords. he seems to be wearing an old timey diving suit (the type where they fed oxygen through a hose to the diver), but without the helmet. The father then starts talking something about dishonoring him (i can't really recall the convo).
but he tosses me one of the swords and he unsheathes his. i unsheathe mine in a very heroic type manner, that startles him (because he knows he's outclassed ). he takes one swing at me, that i dodge. i strike back but his diver suit seems to be uncut-able. i noticed that around his neck there's a groove on each side of his neck. so i stand back and strike those two grooves. he drops his sword and suddenly his diver suit starts overflowing with blood. and he just walks away.. pretty funny actually how he didn't die, just walked away.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

overall this dream/s was probably the most stable long dream I've ever had. it was almost like a movie. an insane movie, but a movie none the less. I'm not sure weather i should contribute this dream to the herb or not. but it was an overall enjoyable experience. so I'll probably try again tonight. this time i think i'll use the tea.

as for the overflowing blood and sword fight at the end, they came out of nowhere. but i guess don't watch over violent movies before you go to bed. Rikki-oh, ichi the killer, etc...

Monday September 9th 2006

OK so it';s been quite some time since I've been able to write in this journal. Since i was off visiting my friend in Alabama. No internet access for about 3 weeks.

I didn't have any dreams that stood out. but because within those 3 weeks i visited my brother in Atlanta. So I've not had much time to contemplate my dreams or anything else for that matter. But finally I'm home. So i can turn my attention towards dream recall as well as meditation.

(NOTE: this was posted in another topic by me. but i thought i would quickly copy/paste it. because it';s relevant to my journal.)


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just received a 114 gram bag of it yesterday. I couldn't wait to fall asleep. Drank some of the tea, gotta say it wasn't that bad. in fact it was OK. (but i';m an avid tea drinker..so maybe I'm used to the bitterness) after the tea i rolled a cig of it and smoked. The smoke wasn't bad either. Though i was amazed at how long it burned. I couldn't even finish the whole thing before i started to get drowsy. I went back to my room and put in a DVD. i didn't get passed the intro credits before i passed out.

My dreams weren't recalled very well, at least not now. BUT. I DID have minor control over them. which i thought was pretty cool because I've never achieved lucidness before. halfway through the night i woke up long enough to chug 4 or 5 glasses of water, then i easily went back to sleep and i amazingly came back to the same dream i left off.

granted this was all done after drinking about 7 beers, smoking about 4 cigarettes of lion's tail. (it was at going away party). so I'm sure all those other chemicals interfered with the plant and probably caused my waking in the middle of the night.

tonight I'm going to just try smoking the herb, alone without the tea. I'll report back anything interesting when i wake up. maybe this time I'll actually be able to remember the contents of the dream
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meditation Notes

Ok so in the copy/paste section i mention that i';ve smoked lion's tail. While this plant has been compared to marijuana. I must stress that while it does have the euphoric "high" it does NOT contain any of the side effects. such as paranoia, rapid heart beating, drowsy come down, or laziness. as a former smoker of pot. I can honestly say that lion's tail is a much more mild high and i strongly believe that using it before meditation may be beneficial, as it calms your mind and allows you to focus better (so it seems anyways).

The bad side is that it is addictive (so i've read), so it's definantly not a herb (it's actually a flower) that can be used with daily meditation. it seems like that best course to take with this herb is to wait until you KNOW you have a full day of concentration to devote to meditation. So i'll have to find the time to test this. actually tommorrow would be a great day for me to try.

Closing Comments

Well tonight i get to try the dream herb, for the first time. without anything else in my system. So i'm really excited about that.

Later in the afternoon i'll try some more of the lion's tail with my meditation. hopefully it'll work as a meditation-aid like i predict.

August 15th, 2006

A remarkable time. Most of what i can remember took place in some sort of camper. But it seemed to be fairly isolated from the rest of the world. With the exception of a parking garage being about 2 miles from it, for some crazy reason.

The most wonderful part of it. Were two sisters. I don't recall them at all from my waking life. But they were the most attractive women I've ever seen. They were both pale skinned (not in an unhealthy way). With Red hair. Not the natural color of red hair, more like the brunette or blond who dyed their hair, so it had a real darkish hue to it.

Anyways, my friend Garth was there. But it seemed that he was with one of the sisters & I was with the other. But i wanted to be with the one garth was with. She denied me. Oh well. She never really denied me, but it was more like as if "it would be wrong", seems to have some sort of symbolism. To me and Garth';s sister.

The dream ended abruptly with no warning. I recall i had no real control over the dream, but my actions seemed to have been dictated by my personality. Because i could not and still don't object to any of the actions that took place. So i most defiantly did not have any free will.

Between my Meditation & my dreams, they all recently seem to have some sort of sexual design. I have no idea what sexual desires in a dream setting are to be interpreted as.

I can tell. that sense i started to make a conscience effort to recall my dreams. That i am able to recall them more often, already. I've only tried to really recall my dreams since i started this dream journal. So judging from the amount of time I've been doing this. I would have to say I'm making good progress. Hopefully the longer that i recall my dreams & write in my journal, the more I'll be able to recall in full. So far though i am satisfied with the results.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meditation Well. it seems i'm slowing down on this side. Since my sexual visions, i've been reluctant to meditate at any pace. it's almost as if i have hit a brick wall and now my gas pedal doesn't work properly.
So in order to make up for the lack of meditation. I've been researching various Meditation techniques concerning religion. Such as the views of some Christians, whom believe that meditation is an evil practice. Despite figure written in the New & Old Testament, who practiced such things (meditation). This has been a problem & debated upon heavily since the early 70s when meditation started to get a reasonable push stateside. Of course christian churches knew nothing about it, just as they do the same today.

Seems to me (not to sound jaded) but it seems as if the church worries less and less about spiritual refinement, if it means that another will find abundance in self-knowledge without the church itself filtering the information. Yet another reason that organized religion seems like a double-edged sword in my eyes. Oh well to each their own.

My findings : It seems a deity of any kind fits in perfectly for meditation. If you simply substitute your mantra, for your deity. So far... there doesn't seem to be any problems with organized religion & meditation of any kind. Except for the usual closed mindedness that seem to follow any religion that has it's share of fanatics.

I'll continue to do research until, I have a few days off. So i can properly dedicate my self to its practice and have enough time to sift through all that ills me.

6-11-06

I had some dreams. But for the most part i think they were exactly the same as the night before. to be honest, i don't remember ANYTHING about them.

Meditation I tried to start meditating but i was way too tired and i ended up falling asleep. maybe i should start doing meditation in lotus or half lotus because, laying down makes it too easy for me to fall asleep.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

06-12-06 Last nights dream, was less of a dream and more of a social gathering. Almost all of my old friends were there. It was quite vivid. Not really intense. But there were lots of emotions in the dream. That i can't really remember or can't express. I'm not even sure if i knew what exactly was happening while i was dreaming. Also in the dream i had long hair again. Which is strange because to me it feels like my subconscious was trying to recall the "good old days" but it couldn't remember the hard facts. so it was kind of confusing. When i awoke i recall thinking that i had long hair again... I'm sure everyone experiences this in some form or another. Where a dream is so vivid that it fools your mind into KNOWING that the things in the dream were real.

It seems I'm having trouble recently in recalling my dreams. i can only point out vague clues as to what happened. but while I'm dreaming it seems that i'm constantly reminding myself (in dream) to remember what's happening. but when i wake up, i remember...well...clues.

oh well, it seems that's a good start. at least i seem to be trying to remember what's happening in my dreams. only time will tell i guess.

Meditation I didn't meditate today or the day before. i couldn't find my self anytime to calm my self down. with all the work I've been doing the last few weeks. After i quit working and relaxed for awhile, i find myself wipped. missing a few days never hurt anyone. But i can not make a habit of this.

August 10th, 2006

I didn't remember last nights dream too well, but bits and pieces of it came to me later in the day.
I recall it taking place in a WoW kind of environment and a person who became all black, except for a portion of it's body which glowed red. the highlighted piece that glowed belonged to a human beings liver. as if it were some kind of dim mak point, being shown to me. i remember in the dream i was kind of frightened of it.

various bits and pieces i can remember, but can not recall at the moment.

EDIT: oh yeah, now i remember a bit more about the dream. we (me, my brother jeremy, & others were traveling around a city... i think was chicago) we were driving looking for something (don't remember) but it was an amazing adventure... we ended up driving away from the cops in a action style movie. there was also an old man in the dream. he seemed to be giving me guidance. i don';t recall exactly what he said. all i remember is that i agreed with his views as they appeared to be mine. after the first visit from him. it was interrupted by someone else in the dream. i recall wanting to meet him agian. but it never happened.
well it's a slow start.. but it's better than nothing.

Meditation right before i went to sleep that night, I began to meditate. As i was suggested the topic of last nights meditation was a human body part. tonights body part was of course.. the female breasts now i pondered about the topic. deciding independently that it was not a sexual object, but a simple piece of the body used for feeding children.

to meditate on a sexual body part, is supposed to eventually remove lustful desires from the meditators mind. but it seems to have back fired. because eventually i allowed my mind to get off track of the subject. what resulted was not good, i was hit with imagery of all kinds of sexual acts being carried out. normally that would be like FREE PORN but not this. this was the first mental vision i had achieved through meditation and this one was so shocking that, i could do nothing but try to go back to my usual topic, the color dark blue. obviously this failed and my concentration was broken.

startling, but i will try again tonight.