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From two nights ago:
In a big room with GB, in a house that seems like its being worked on, or maybe moving in to. There is a big white board on one wall and I think I should be working on it somehow, but instead I'm looking at little plastic bottles nearby. GB comes in and I see the white board is finished anyways. I walk past it and go down a hallway and start writing something on the wall. Whatever I wrote was with a red marker, and it was really long... when I went back to finish the sentence I wrote the next line above, instead of below.

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I am in a small dark room and I'm cracking up.. I think I'm by myself.. haha am I losing it? I'm putting on socks, but these aren't regular socks, they are reaaallly long. So long that they go all the way up my thighs and I have to roll them back down again and they hit my knees. I'm laughing so hard I'm kinda falling down. Weird.

It's been a while...

I am sitting on the bed in my room in QPII. I think I'm running a store. A guy with red hair comes in and wants to return a stack full of notebooks. I see the notebooks are all bent and have writing on them. I tell him he can't return them because of this. He seems understanding. I think I'm confused for a second and go to give him money.. 38 dollars.. but I only give him 35 and change. At this point he starts creeping me out, like he's coming on to me. I get up and leave... I'm driving down the hill towards PJ.. then at some point I come back. My old boss, L, is sitting on a chair in the room... she's really disappointed that I just left the store like that. I feel really bad, and I say "But I was sick! I needed some fresh air" even though that wasn't true.

In my classroom at work, one of the kids PC is standing by the window saying "girls" (he never says this.. ever). I walk towards him and.. I think he changes into someone else? But he starts sawing at my arm with a butter knife.. and in defense I do the same to him. I realize what I'm trying to do isn't working on him.. but when it's over I am covered in my own blood from slices on my legs, arms, and face. I don't want my mom to see (???) so I have a sweatshirt on and I pull up the hood.

On the street I grew up on, I am riding my bike down the steep hill (where I once flipped my bike so hard I still have visible scars). There is a guy who is also riding his bike with me. I call him "GB" even though that's not who it is. He says "Sometimes you just have to let go!!" and he rides his bike past me. I get to the bottom of the hill and there is something that looks like a giant Connect Four board.. it is flipping and turning and I can predict what will happen next.

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I'm in my kitchen and I'm making orange juice (?) in a giant tin can. My mom is there, holding a pitcher of orange juice, and its really frothy on top. She asks what the foamy part is, and I saw "It's Orangina". I turn back to my tin can and she asks again what it's called. I get frustrated and say "I just told you! It's called Orangina." Whaatt...??

I'm in a car sitting in the passenger's seat, and my mom is driving. Behind me, sis in law J, with brother J next to her, and M next to him, behind my mom. M is cursing at me and saying horrible things (reminiscent of the day of the rage), and he is getting physically abusive towards me. My mom and brother J don't have any reaction to this, but sis in law J is giving M the middle finger. I'm crying and begging him to stop but he won't. He throws something out the window but I'mnot sure what. We stop at 7-11 and I get out and go in a side door. I walk into a bathroom and I'm washing my hands, and I see two toilets on top of each other, but the one of top is smaller.

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I'm running through the woods on a dirt road and I see a path leading off the road and I turn down it and trip and fall.. There are Native Americans coming towards me, and I didn't want them to see me but I wanted to watch them.

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I see my car in the parking lot at work and I notice something under my windshield wiper, like a folded yellow piece of paper.

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(from 2 nights ago) I am in GB's room and see a big white envelope on his bed and I'm wondering what it is.

I see that I typed a text to someone on my phone that just said "dark tired and empty".

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I'm in a hotel room with M. We have separate beds, but mine is like half the size of his. He's trying to talk to me about our situation, but I don't want to.

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I'm in a car, maybe a taxi, and I'm with someone else. We are driving over a bridge and I see city lights. Someone jokes "There's New York City!".. even though we are clearly in another country.. somewhere in South America maybe?

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I'm at work with a kid, EK, and I'm holding her hand as we walk through the administrative hallway. I punch out, and then she punches out too, but there's some confusion about things that are coming up on the time clock screen... signing up for memberships and whatnot, and having to pay. People around me are getting frustrated because I'm taking too long.

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I'm in a parking lot and I'm sitting in the passenger seat of a car. I take my clothes off (???) and quickly sit in the next car over, to the right. I'm totally cool with my nakedness, like it was a necessary action for me to take. A couple of guys I went to high school with, can't remember who exactly, walk by and see me. Then I'm driving, and I know it's going to rain so I close the sun roof.. there are so many layers to closing it and I still feel air coming through.

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I'm in some hilly, green, and grassy area with GB. Seems like it's up in the mountains somewhere. This is where he lives? There are a lot of people around, and there is a really warm vibe. We say we have something to do (I don't remember what).

I am walking on a beach.. I think.. it is really flat and all of the sand is really wet, but there is no ocean, just wet sand. I see shells and sea weed, and I can feel the that it's cool and wet underneath my feet as I walk. There are a lot of other people walking around. I think someone is with me, maybe M?

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I'm walking underneath an over hang of an outside restaurant.. seems like somewhere in Costa Rica. I'm trying to be by myself but get the feeling I'm being watched. Now this is odd: I take a pitcher of water and pour it on my head and down the front of my shirt. I'm wearing the shirt I slept in.

So I'm going to call the house I grew up in "I-17". It's just easier. I'm with my brother T and some other people.. family, and we are driving by I-17. We see the front door is open, so we stop the car. I hear a dog barking and I run up to the front of the house and close the door. There wasn't a doorknob, so I'm not sure if I did a good job closing it. I go back to the car and check the mailbox. There is a book that I wrote (??) in the mailbox, but the letters are all messed up and my name is spelled wrong. I see the receipt for it inside, and I paid $68 for it.

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I'm somewhere warm, I think I'm in FL. I am looking out on a beach and see mountains in the water. I see polar bears running down the mountains and then getting attacked and I watch them being eaten by black bears. Then there are no polar bears left, and I think it's a result of global warming. I wasn't scared, but sad feeling.

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At work, I am sitting on the ground and one of the kids, CH is hitting me. I feel him hit my face a few times. I look in the mirror and see I have bruises around my left eye, but thought it didn't hurt as much as it should have based on how bad the bruises are. Someone comes by and I tell them "It was like a dream because I felt like I couldn't move!" kind of ironic. Whoever I told agreed with me. I leave work early.

I am sitting in a high school science class.. I know everyone around me, all people I grew up with but I can't think of anyone's name. The teacher is doing a lesson I created. At one point a girl gets called up and she has headphones to bring up to the front of the room... I start connecting them for her to help out but she pulls them away. Everyone was being really rude.

I'm standing in the center dorm office at work talking to the overnight manager P. She says I'm being switched to a house for morning care. The kid I would have is MH and she asks if I think that's a good idea. My people pleaser side immediately says yes, and she asks me a few times if I'm sure it's a good idea. I know it's not, and that I'd be putting myself in a bad situation if I go through with it. I say yes anyways, and as I'm leaving I say "This is a terrible idea."

It is night time at a campsite where there are several tents sent up in a semicircle. I think all the food is being kept in the middle of all the tents, and someone needs to stay to watch the food. This night, there is going to be a bear released in the park... I have no idea why, but a lot of people are going to head out hiking then. I kind of remember 2:00am. I'm laying down in one of the tents and then M and my friend CT are kneeling over me. CT had to make it sexual, surprise surprise.. I laugh and say "Put that thing away!". Then M and CT go off into the night.

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I'm walking along a highway, something like 95 because I made a comment about how it goes north south. I think my mom was there and I asked her if there is a highway like this from NY to CA, just a straight shot, and she said no.

I'm in my kitchen with my brother J and uncle J.. My uncle is looking to go on a vacation to Jax Beach. J tells him that I know a lot about that area. Uncle J tells me he's staying on 2nd St, and I ask him "Beach side?" and he says yes and I get excited... I tell him the south end of 2nd St. is my favorite part.

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I'm in a grocery store with GB and we're looking for a mango. I see these two tiny little stuffed animals and I start cracking up. Then somehow we are at a house (actually in the living room of the house I grew up in) and there's a bunch of people there, even a couple developmentally disabled people (one older guy in particular). Later GB and I are in a car with my mom and she's driving. He says something about fixing his shirt and my mom stops the car in front of some storage place and he gets out and she drives away. He's back in the car again and we are driving down a hill, and he says that she can just drop us off, that we don't need to go with her.

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I'm walking in the lower level hallway at work. There's people behind me, but I have one of the kids, DC with me. We are walking to go to the bus ramp. DC starts to get agitated and then he yells in my face. I think I speak to him in a tone of voice that is completely out of character, like kind of aggressive. DC bites my hand and scratches me but I'm able to get both of his hands. We walk out to the bus. I'm standing on the bus and see my finger is bloody, DM says "Just because you love him doesn't mean when he hurts you that you don't have to clean it."

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I'm looking at a picture of JM (JB) and AC. They are laughing and I think, I should have been there too.

I'm in the library at work and LO is there.. I walk over to the other side by the resource room and there's a portapotty there. Exciting stuff.

I'm at a campsite.. something very Boy Scout-ish going on... I'm sitting at a picnic table with M. He's rapping, but I'm watching it as a video.. hard to explain. I feel really annoyed with him. I want my mom to see how much he is annoying me, but when she comes over to see, she thinks it's funny. I look over to the right and I see M's friend MG sitting on the ground, really serious, and he has blood dripping out of his mouth.

I'm in an old wooden house.. I think it's like a museum actually. Suddenly there's a wave of panic that goes through the place and everyone runs outside. I think a bomb is dropped, or there is a war about to break out. I'm with someone who is shooting at the American flag.

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I'm somewhere warm, probably Florida. I see BS and we are so happy to see each other. We are walking along a sidewalk and she is smiling and laughing, and I think to myself, I really miss this girl.