The book of mars

i am in the grocery store shopping with my mom and heather.
we need stuff for a picnic kind of thing.
beside a river, under a hill a ton of people are eating in scattered groups all down the waterside.

i'm in a room with a lot of people. on the wall, there are funny parodies of every movie you can think of.
heather and i look at a harry potter parody. the harry potter actor is really ugly.
off to the "side" of the scene, more like the "side of the dream" (unexplainable), a man beckons me.
i question my surroundings, but fight knowing the truth. this is a dream...but i like this dream.
i know this isn't real. he keeps asking me to come thru, wake up, c'mon.
i disassociate from the dream and the entire scene feels like a veil has been lifted.
a white screen remains where i thought reality was. he pushes the screen away.
now i see "real" reality. i'm in a big lab with a ton of computers.
there's a lady and her daughter (5 yrs old probably) messing around on one.
heather is on one too. i'm told to go play on one.

i have to "log in" with any name. make it up, etc. put your own in, someone elses, it doesn't matter. each name combination will be different.
i don't remember what name i put in. on the screen, a model of the entire universe appears. it's the person's universe, as each person in our "Reality" has his or her own. this is how you can view them.
using the middle scroll thing some mouses have, i zoom all the way in. it's earth, the persons perceived "home" or "center of the universe".
as i scroll out, the seemingly circular planet (rendered 2D because its just a computer) spins and twists clockwise, unraveling and becoming the periodic table of elements. this is represented by a long line of blocks that turns several times, showing thousands of elements. the line keeps going crazy in every direction, in different shapes as it makes molecules, atoms, etc.
supposedly, i am scrolling "out", aka trying to get the larger picture. confusing.

i stop playing this game and go over to the man behind it all, the man who beckoned me.
he looks friendly, just a cool dude maybe 30 or 35.
"can i talk to you about the film you made or are you sensitive about criticism?" i ask.
he laughs and says go for it.
"i hated the part where i was looking at all those movies. it made it seem so real, which sucks because it was a stupid part."
i talk like my entire life was a movie.
he laughs about it and says some movie award organization said that's why he didn't receive some award for it.
we talk about "making movies" and stuff, but all the time we know we mean making "reality".

heather's sister keeps texting me truthfully hurtful things, saying 'lol' after like it'd be any better.

i text her back saying how nice her tits are (they are).

i walk around a room looking for a vhs, stoned. my boss is here. i don't know what to do.

i am part of this giant group of people divided into tinier groups.

me, my mom and dad and heather are in the countryside. we are looking at a dilapidated farm house and two animal barns. we want to buy this and re-vitalize it to make it fully sustainable.

my dad and i go look in the inside. it's pretty rough. the first room is a kitchen. there is no hallway, all the rooms on the first floor are in a single file line and the doors are positioned in the same area all the way thru.

we enter the first room. bad idea, man. the room is painted red and has mirror's all over it. in the mirrors i see little children and toys playing a music machine. a piano that makes very high pitched sounds, very toy-like. it's not in the "real" room, just in the mirror of it. it's terrifying.

we leave. outside me and heather go around the house. to get around it, we have to step in muddy low tide sand because there's the ocean/a lake/something behind the house. it's foundation is the rocky coast.
we look into a window and then notice we can't because there is a carved human face from some kind of rock. around the face are floating pictures of children, really really old pictures. we're scared so we leave.


a few groups, including some hunters with their dogs, are on a porch of a "base" for this giant group i'm part of. we're all hanging out kind of, just enjoying the scenery and then a guy's dog gets loose. we try to see where it went. i see something down the road, and i point.

its not the dog, (tho it was when i saw it), its now a bear. i see its part of a bear family and now they're coming towards us. we get defensive, and then see that it's not really a bear...it's a few ladies in bear costumes. dumb.


my little family group goes into a kitchen. my mom is organizing plates and heather asks for some wine. good idea, i pour her and me a glass. pouring the glass is difficult, because first you pour it from the glass into a blue plastic cup. then you must pour that into a glass cup. i got wine all over the floor.

heather is drinking pink frozen wine and i'm drinking orange wine. i don't know the flavors or anything. hers looks like a popsicle floating in a cup.


we get pretty drunk and go to the final meeting/gift ceremony of the giant group. we sit together and accidentally sit in the very front, but more people fill in the space between us and a stage.

speeches are made, etc. people start getting gifts, randomly and some are given specifically by name.

there's some joke about half of a car being thrown around. it comes to me and in my hands it dissolves into ten pieces of product for me to stock (my job in real life).

in the very front of the group, five black girls sit together. they have no eyes, and some have big goggles to protect their sockets. they were marred in the landscape this group lives in, perhaps its post-apocalyptic because their injuries are due to the sun.

one girl comes up to the gift-giver and makes some speech about wanting something nice. i think "its like this is scripted". they are given a movie. we watch the preview of it, it looks like "fried green tomatoes". uh.

it comes to be my turn, and i'm given a single earring. the lady says it's 50 dollars to pierce your ears but "Everyone has that piercing, so i figured it's okay" ... i don't have my ears pierced. cool.

the earring is very cool. it's ugly visually as it's just a giant golden star. however, it's in 4 dimensions. it spins in a spiral up and down, and leaves a 4D trail.

heather and i leave. the kitchen we got drunk in is now a bathroom. i ask her where the alcohol is but she has earplugs in.

its raining out. end of the world rain. this is how it's going down: this rain storm. fuck!

wait: why is everyone relaxing? i'm in a neighborhood swampy with rain, the streets are rivers.

lets make the most of it: lets go kayaking! okay. i try to decide which "kayak" i want.

really the kayak is just a long, long long 2 x 4. i take one that has native-style striping patterns on both ends and is colored a faint blue. oh yeah this will go so well in the riverstreets!

and it does. this was fun.

i live in a huge farm house in a new country town on "fog" street.

i'm in the attic with heather and my mom and dad. we're all smoking a bowl. we get super stoned.

heather and i go into a room in the attic, which is a blueberry field inside the house.

"hey we want to be on a real field" we think and go outside and touch and experience the grass. it's nice.

thru the woods, i see the color aqua and red. what the? two horses thoses colors come by into the field.

it's heather's friends brittany and some girl. heather runs over and says hi hi hi and all of that.

i get jealous. i talk to the other girl. i've met her once or twice, but as a kid i remember being friends with her. she says we were but not for long. i think it might be sarah silverman (? )

they talk and talk and talk and i get too jealous and mad to handle it. i run away like a child.

i run thru a door in the woods which leads to town. i walk around like i'm on a longboard. what the fuck i want to longboard!

i go home and grab mine. it's shaped like a fish, and is colored very cool. i ride in town and on a big hill and zig zag on a main road, exploring places that i can go to now since i just moved here. i forgot about how sad i was.

my house is connected to a shed (in real life, too).
i walk thru the door to the shed and instead of a shed, there is a giant roller rink - esque room.
a few people including my friend lotie who i know online are using the space for some kind of party.
everyone's bodies are bumper cars but this is normal for this kind of get together.
to be here, you must have hot coco in your hand. i walk around for awhile with mine and never sip it so it gets weird looking and the whipped cream erodes into a rock mess on top of it.

i don't like it here so i go into my sun room and watch the people who are hanging out in my driveway, taking a smoke break from the party.
they all look at me weird because i own the house. whatever.
i go into the party room again later and there are a lot less people. i hang around a bit, it's not that bad.

i'm in the ocean.
the beach was once a usual sandy spot, but the ocean ate it up.
now a lady and her husband sit on the only circle of sand, surrounded by ocean.
i am surfing without a board. i turn my body and the waves take me from the ocean to the sand spot.
it feels great. even though the beach disappeared because of a worldly disaster 2012 bullshit, i just go with it.

i am in a giant warehouse store, like mardens or renys...cheap versions of walmart. dollar store kind of place.

its all in an attic of some building, or maybe i'm just on the top levels. i have to duck kind of to walk around. i can't see the other ends of the room, just where i am. it goes on forever, it seems.

i walk into a few offshoot rooms from this main one. i enter one and the expansiveness is overwhelming. i have to get on my hands and knees to walk around because of how low the ceiling is. i romp around the room and then notice its completely empty. am i supposed to be here? there are three or four employees getting ready to fill it in, marking where the shelving will be. they suddenly glare at me and i turn away.

i notice a police car is parked in here. how? we're in an attic! i begin to become aware but this causes me to lose balance. i tumble toward the car and then notice there's another one. its a dark purple sports car. i am about to fall into it and i'm afraid it has an alarm. it doesn't, and when i hit it i balance out, no awareness. i leave this room.

there is so much SHIT. i want to leave. instead of stairs, i look thru the railway and down at the first floor. i overhear a conversation between a lady who works register and a guy. he has a gun and is going to shoot himself. she calms him down and he leaves. "you just wanted to do that to say you escaped, didn't you" she said.

i jump from the railway, bouncing off the different levels inbetween the attic and the ground floor until i'm safely down. i leave following the guy. the exit of the store is made of plastic wrap

i take a fake gun and point it at my head as i walk away. i don't know why.

outside the store is a pawn shop on wheels. there is a huge crowd around the vendor. its a pretty cool set up, a glass case, five tier shelf system and the guy runs it all in a booth with wheels.

everyone is fighting to see a particular object. i take this time to scope whats for sale. my eyes are drawn to a stone plate with a carved spider in the center and a matching spoon two shelves down with a fox on it. on the very bottom shelf is some kind of case/bank that is a wooden carved whale. its huge and pretty magnificent.

the vendor caters to all the customers and then takes the whale out for me. i want to tell heather about this. the vendor talks to me about it for awhile and then says they are having a frequency display later and i should come. i agree to.

i go with a friend to visit someone until then. we have to adventure into deep swamp forest land. after we visit our friend (no recollection of this happening), we have to get back to town. we get lost and go in circles on roads made of floating bridges over swamp hundreds of feet below us. the bridges are made of wood planks five feet apart. its all very difficult but we make it back.

its darker out now (my mind usually doesn't transition/follow days like this!). theres a crowd of muslims around the pawn shop display, looking at dozens of tuning forks layed out all around. thats cool....i guess. i go over to the actual shop and notice that everything is now in a box and inside the box is a comb. people flick the combs and they vibrate a specific frequency, the same frequency that the object is supposed to be on. some are really low and some are high, in between, etc etc. i don't know if it means anything to be higher or lower.

a long long epic of a dream scattered into fragments as i woke.

i am in another world, no not really... like another dimension of our world. like a narnia but less fantastic.

i follow a group of like 5 people i know, including heather and my mom.

near the end of it, we enter this house. its a shitty apartment of two old folks, grandparent types. think florida retirees. but their house is all batty, literally they love bats and spiderwebs and soft goth decor. they show us pictures in an album of something, not their children or whatever like normal.

i look at the pictures and hold the pages up. me and heather start tearing off the pictures like stickers. we tear off the borders like stickers too. we look at the lady and realize by doing this, we tore her apart and now she is very very thin and we see now she is made of photographs like a photo mosaic:



for whatever reason we are being detectives, looking for something, trying to find these people guilty. we can't though, so we just make friends with them. when its time to leave, i immediately fear the outside. previously in the dream, it feels like, i encountered something spooky out there and now wanted protection from the door of the house to the car.

i don't want my mom for protection so i ask the old lady. she doesn't want to really because she is so thin and worn because we took her photos. she agrees anyway and i take her hand. as we open the door, she says dont let the dog out. well, i do anyway on accident.

the dog, made of photographs like her, runs out and into the fields surrounding the house. i don't really care and just go to the car alone, brave enough. while walking toward the car, the sky flashes lightning and i speed up and hop in.

scene note: i want to describe the scene for memory's sake and future reference for myself.

outside the house, there is a dirt patch leading to a shitty garage/shed next to it, attached almost. then about 200 feet of yard area/field. our car is parked at the edge of this, almost in the woods surrounding the house. the house is in a weird center of this giant forest. the trees are mostly dead looking creepy ones, a few coniferous here and there stretching up into the sky. its dark out and all very scary.

in the car, heather in the back seat, my mom driving and someone else in front of me. there is a bee on this persons shoulder and i freak out. the bee isn't black and yellow though, its grey and black. he rolls down the window and it flies out.

driving along, i look out and see a dragon. i keep telling heather to look. at first it was just a big white bird that i thought looked cool flying, but as i noticed/put my attention on it more, it "became" a dragon (looked the same, my mind just labeled it different). there were two kids flying on it and heather said it was Falcor (neverending story). my dreammind reminisced flying on a dragon.

we drive to this room somehow, or maybe we are just there, or maybe i forgot a lot. but we are in this giant room like the room of hidden things in harry potter. there was so much junk in it, ceiling to floor.

we play around for awhile and then i get 3rd person POV. we are not who we think we are! we are now players from guild wars, we are all in a dungeon (looks the same though). we beat up some bad dragon and hundreds of chests fall from the ceiling and onto the platform where we are. the characters all rush around (i have my own but am "watching", not actively participating and have no control) to get all the chests. theres a cut scene and it shows a final giant dungeonmaster boss ultimate chest fall from the mouth of a dragon.

one lady rushes over to it and gets it. it transforms into a changing station, she goes in and comes out with the best armor ever ever ever. i've never seen it, but it looks pretty elegant.

back to me, heather, my mom, and the last party member. we are in the room and i jump from the platform and fall to the ground. i look up at a godfigure who isn't there physically and smile. "its over isn't it", "yep".

scene switch to me walking on a narrow newly paved road with nothing anywhere else around me except a "longboarding bar" where people take a break from boarding. this is the heaven of longboarders, a place of only new pavement and a snack shop. i am waiting for something.

jack comes with his car/longboard (huh) and is telling me how to exit this world. i have to do a slide into the portal at the end of this long stretch of pavement. ok! i get awesome speed going down the godperfect hill and slide into it, transitioning into waking life! i wake up!

i typed up my entire dream and didn't log in. fuck it.



from a 3rd person pov, i am inside a merry go round on a track. i dream of dreaming, that is my dream is a masquerade ball. like this:



3rd person pov again, i see that the merry go round i am in and another one are about to collide. when they do, mine softly pulverizes the other which turns to flames.

i get out and a figure tells me to go north, which means to the highest point. i do.

in the forests and fields in which i run, i see things i never have: lime green birds, strange trees. the figure laughs at me.

finally outside of the fields i am now in portland, maine on the coast. the dream seems to shift.

i am at my father's brothers house (none of this is waking life true). we come here twice a year, once for christmas and once for a birthday.

its night time. i am inside with my two cousins and my half sister casey (fathers daughter). casey is an artist in this dream and is creating a 3D painted character on cardboard.

i do the same. everyone jokes about how ugly mine is, but casey and I know it is pretty good technical skills.

we go outside but casey stays inside. there are neighborhood kids out here doing something. we run around hills even tho we cannot see much.

suddenly, all three (me and two cousins) of our ankles get clamped with a metal chain to lock us onto the hill. we are prisoners of the neighborhood kids.

they come over and have this strange device. they ask each of us to find something to counter the spinning saw inside the device. if we don't counter it, it will saw thru our ankles.

we all somehow manage to find things to counter it. we put metal things in front of the saw so it goes thru that instead of our skin. i find a pair of scissors. there is plastic around the metal part but i say "dont worry i got this", which i do.

casey comes out and rescues us and shoos everyone off. i get in the car with her and my dad and we leave.

i realize that the entire dream is actually a short story in a magazine. i continue reading.

we drive to a big store. we get out and i never see my dad for the rest of the dream.

inside the store i meet up with a few other friends. at the store, there is a big prize counter in the center. everyone has a certain number of points, points = money to spend on the junk inside the counter. a few carnie people are running it.

i tell my mom to get me more paint with some of my points, and she gets me a set with the same color scheme as the one i used to make the character in the beginning of the dream. i ask for a refund and the carnie says no.

i ask my mom how many points i have left and she refuses to tell me. i dont want any of the junk here so i walk away.

i jump onto a cart loaded with soda cans. casey is pushing it and my friends are in it with me. we open all the soda at the same time and are propelled like by a rocket of de-pressurized soda thru the whole store.

casey and i leave with someone else. there is another group of stores across the parking lot.

while walking, i tell casey my idea: "i want to make a belt that begins at your shoe and comes up to yr pants vertically, on both legs and one small one in the middle." "that will make you look like you have a bulge" she says.

my feet are burning on the tar and i realize i have no shoes or socks on. i skip into the store and lose casey.

i want to find socks and the back door that i enter leads to the sock section. i find a pair i like and take them, but realize theres a worker here. she is with my friend chase.

chase is trying to buy a bra. he is claiming to want a sex change (he always makes ridiculous claims in waking life). i tell him to buy heather's size, 36 C. he puts it on his body and looks at himself in the mirror.

he is embarrassed because he still likes being a boy.

i forget about the socks and walk thru the store. i see casey on a small red pedal powered truck for a child. it says "looking for a friend". i run up to her and she laughs and pedals away. i see another red truck with someone in it. i realize the game is to find eachother in the store.

time warp. i hear casey saying, about the store i was just in: "we had three hard workers on duty today. thats the equivalent of 1000 pairs of sunglasses and 500 windows. how did we let this happen?" she was referring to a theft in the store.

i leave wherever i am at this point and end up in the original store. i see holden, my brother.

we talk about surfing and how i would really like to try it. he says he'd like to go on a trip to the west coast.

my dream turns into a long strip of pavement surrounded by 50 foot waves on both sides. most cars get taken by the waves before they can reach safety on the other side.

my sight follows a woman in a car like a tv show camera would. she is talking by herself, to the camera that is my consciousness.

she tells about how gay people come here to find their auras. someone/something asks what that is and she disregards. she parks her car and gets out.

this is a very brave act since the point of the area is to go as fast as you can to safety. to find the yr aura, you must park and risk yr life.

she steps onto a median which runs thru the whole road for about 200 feet. there are steps into a little pool on it.

she walks up the steps and says this is where the aura can be found.

i wake up.

i am in a square room (normal). my whole class is lined up back-to the wall on all four sides.

we are taking turns reading our final projects out loud. we had to write/publish a poem that was as long as a book and printed in the same fashion.

i listen to a guy read his out loud. its plot follows a woman and her son.

my friend chellsye is next to me. i whisper for her to text heather because my phone died. they are good friends in my dream and she was already texting her.

outside of the room i am on a college campus. its a big field with little wood houses speckled around the area. there are tennis courts in the center.

i go to one house. these are like greek houses. i know a lot of bitches from my real high school are living here, but i am still curious as to what it looks like inside (i'm not sure if i want to go to this college or not)

there is a sign inside that says "9:00 pm sleep time/cannabis/meditation".

i have a feeling a lot happened before this, but i cant remember any of it.

i am looking in first and third points of view simultaneously. i am looking at at a river swamp from the shore.

everything is bit and video game-ish. i have a shovel and decide to dig. i dig a spot of ice near the shore. marshmallows pop out. i dig a connecting hole, making the hole bigger. more marshmallows pop out. i dig up the whole ice spot at once! a thousand marshmallows float into the swamp.

by a dead tree i see a dolphin. i can ride him around to access the river. i ride him upstream.

i find the spot where the dolphins live and come from. there are a few of them. i try to hop onto another one but i miss and drown.

i get a game over and have to start back in ... kakariko village. fuck this game.

i'm in "real life" now. i was playing a video game on the same shore i am sitting on. i am hanging out with jack and heather. we each are sitting on a stump.

my friend celina calls me over from a mini party happening under a pavilion to my left. i walk up a small trail and hang out with her. i dance really weird because i hate everyone there. i'm making fun of them.

i go back to heather and jack. heather is gone and her sister is here instead. she tells me heather went to her room. ok.... i walk thru the forest trail and find a door like her real door connected between two trees. i open it.

heather is buying weed from a girl who's a big dyke and simultaneously black and white. most of the time she's black. i hear her say "21 g for 17". they notice me but dont care.

the black women gets her shit packed in a small black lunchbox tied around her neck. it has a 12.00 tag on it. she leaves.

heather is high. my whole body feels mad (i would be in real life as i'm a jealous person).

time warp to me walking around with my mom at night. she's high, too. we are dumpster diving.

i keep thinking "you shouldn't focus on heather, you should be-here-now" but the feeling is too intense and has to place in the current situation.

my mom wants to dumpster dive in back of mcdonalds (uh ew) but i say its open 24/7. we hang out near this big dumpster full of actual nice toys and things which shouldn't have been thrown away. i pick out a few good things.

i think the world is closing in on me, on us.

i am in the middle of a body of water with some other people... my cousins, my friends.

no. i am in the middle of my first room in my first house. all of my things are of my childhood. i wear a flannel of thick thick denim that is too big for me. in the pocket is an icecream sandwich and two dollars.

now everyone's in a rush to get out of here. i pack a bag, i pack fiction.. no what does fiction do for you? nothing. i pack "be here now" and throw out two other books. i run around the house.

me and a lady know where to go... up the stairs but before we leave them behind, chime the first man. what does that even mean. i take my nails and search a wall and find a secret door. it opens vertically. inside, a man is playing piano. he disappears and i dont remember which notes to play. i dont play any.

the lady i'm with is frantic "we must play the notes!" "you do it then!" she does. we run up stairs to chime the second man.

now i am walking but instead of walking i swim through the air. i swim over to a pew, i am in a church that slopes up almost vertically like a movie theater, the last pews are the highest and the first ones closest to the pulpit are the lowest.

the lady is sitting on the pew with her father. she is nervous because she is practicing for mock trial. she has to be a mock lawyer as part of some class she's in.

"i took this class in high school" i said. "i was the time keeper." she calms down and asks me to get her something to eat. she wants an egg and cheese sandwich.

i walkswim all the way up the slope, curve around to the other side of the church and enter a doorway. i'm in line at dunkin donuts now, and if i look over the edge of where i am i can see the church. its kind of like a catwalk.

i search thru my pockets and find two dollars. i search thru the pockets of the denim jacket and find the ice cream (not melted) and three 10 dollar bills. i take them. i look again, they are three 30 dollar bills. i focus more. they are three 300 dollar bills. holy shit! i look closer....they are fake, they are bookmarks, they advertise a library. fuck you.

i get to the counter. i order it, and they give it to me immediately. a hand comes from out of a wall and hands it to me. i give the hand 2.25 and leave. i swim to the lady and give her her sandwich.

i'm at some kind of school or a boarding house with classes, really

i keep touching this fat girls legs but get embarrassed and stop because i dont want her to think i like her, i just want to touch her.

an asian girl named "12"

we have to jump across rocks in a low-ceiling'd room

in a third person pov, i make myself or my "character" move across a platform on a roof, collecting beams of sun energy. i'm good at this game. i keep getting "perfects"

on a really thin piece of paper, "10" and "12"'s conversation is written down. "is this you, 12?" "no thats from 1864" i crumple the paper and pretend it never happened.

i "wake up" and tell heather my dream, and say she was the fat girl. she wasn't really.