Hopeless Wanderings

-I was driving by places surrounded by fluffy cotton-like low clouds and I wanted to get out and go run through them

-my(?) cat gave birth to one kitten

I was with a class field trip in high school(4 years later and still having HS dreams) somewhere with a huge lake, so big you couldn’t see the other side. I was on a small raft near the shore when I saw that someone’s boat had caught fire, so I went to go help. There was a man, a woman, and I think a little boy. The people on the boat were hesitant to get off the boat because they didn’t want to leave their stuff behind but I somehow dragged them off. One of them took my ipod and threw it in the water because they thought it was useless. I was pissed, but later I went underwater and retrieved it and it still worked.

I was with this guy from my class who had a high suicide risk. You were able to look up someone’s suicide risk online. There was a meter ranging from 0-100% with the 100% in the red zone. I said something to this guy but it made it worse and his risk was 90%.

Then, I decided that I would kill myself. I told some guy to stand at a lookout point with a gun(like the kind snipers use) and I would give him a signal when to shoot me. I then stood at a high point overlooking the lake with my friends(D,N,B, ?), who were sitting on a bench looking out at the lake. I left them a note. One one side, it said how much I loved them. On the other side, it explained exactly what I was doing, why, and how sorry I was. I read them the first side, put it on the bench next to them, then stood at the edge.

I was shot and fell forward into the lake. Titanic music started playing(I looked the song up – Titanic Soundtrack- Never An Absolution) as I sank to the bottom. The water was a crimson red(maybe from the gunshot wound?) and at the bottom I saw a decaying body of a young girl. The music continued and half the time I was underwater and the other half I was above shore watching my friends freak out and try to figure out what had just happened. Weirdly, it was kind of a peaceful feeling for me.



I “woke up” in my bed and couldn’t see. When I tried to open my eyes, I would open my eyes in RL(or in another dream?) so I kept them closed and eventually I was able to see. I went into the living room and everything was very clear. I went outside and was prepared to do something fun but then the cat woke me up.

I also had a lucid yesterday where I couldn't see and kept trying to open my eyes but when I did I would open them in RL so I woke up.