nightmare

This dream took place in my childhood home. People from the government were in my living room and I had some trash I needed to discard. In an attempt to toss it in the trash, I accidentally threw it at one of the government workers, a shorter blonde woman. Immediately, she turned around and said she was going to kill me. I asked her if it was because I was trans and if she really thought I was evil and she said yes to both. Cut to me in a black van with her and another blonde-haired stockier white woman. I saw them driving towards a lake and that's approximately when I realized they were trying to drown me by driving in there. They got out of the car and swam up to the surface, failing to lock the car doors so that I could drown properly. In attempting to leave the lake, I was grabbed by the arm.

In another part of the dream I was being treated without humanity. Several people entered my room, escorted by one of the government agents, with the intent to rent it out. This I believe is inspired by the fact that at one point when I was still living in Sacramento, A family was invited by the landlord into our house while we were still living there with the interest in purchasing it. Most of the people called me He and treated me as an animal that was simply inhabiting the room they intended on living in. I tried hiding my face with my phone so as to perhaps avoid being clocked as trans, but I suppose by then the mass dehumanization of trans people had already happened. My first thought was "what the fuck? How am I gonna make music and art or have privacy? This is deliberate psychological torture". Most of the potential renters left and the person who remained was a white dude with pink hair and a scraggly, brown beard. He still treated me like a subhuman creature, but he gave me attention and a degree of dignity despite still misgendering me and let me snuggle up to him while he was in a chair. I begged him to not let them know too much about me as by this point I had already confided in him far too much. He said he could try but he seemed incredibly hesitant, perhaps a queer person trying in vain to appeal to the regime. I became desperate and tried putting my arms around him and right as I was about to close in, my eyes opened and I immediately woke up at 5:30am to my empty room in the bay area that I reside in now.

While this dream is an encapsulated snapshot of my current issues, such as my anxiety about trans genocide and fascism, my attachment and trust issues, and my trauma surrounding being poor and abused by capitalism, it was also, in retrospect, kinda fucking hilarious in a lot of other ways. Like dude at least lock the car like what the fuck. Who taught you how to kill trannies?

All in all, reflecting on this dream makes me feel more hopeful about the future and reminds me of the fact that while I definitely know we're gonna suffer, the american empire will absolutely collapse in my lifetime, even if they get me in a year. An empire collapses every 250 years.

Me and someone else were on a ship of some sort, or at least that's what it seemed like. Outside of the windows, it was pitch black nothingness and inside it was a postmodern apartment. Me and this other person were on a date and he seemed really hesitant and flat out denied an opportunity to meet his dad, an older Jewish/Italian man who was quite eccentric. He'd laugh to himself about something and then refuse to tell us what was so funny, but eventually I started to notice things disappearing, such as a lot of the apartment save for a bedroom and a narrow corner hallway that leads out of it, and I got really terrified. Eventually it got urgent for me and I asked him once more as my date looked at us from across the room. His father said "fine! You wanna know what's so funny? Here's what's so funny," grabbed my shoulders, looked me in the eyes and said "love is a bug!!!" And despite his apparent madness I could tell he was more right than anyone could possibly be. All I could do was laugh hysterically as my date said "he's being deleted right now. Don't take him too seriously". I watched him laugh to himself and melt and after a while so did me and my date. The last thing I saw was the ceiling as I imagined a meme of this scenario. The last thing I felt was my date's ooze against mine, and once I closed my eyes I felt my body dematerialize into the void it came from.

I think the overall idea of this dream is that I was going in and out of consciousness and explaining elements of my dreams to... Someone I was sharing a bed with? Documentary style??? One such element was a modification of either dph or heroin popular in the 4chan trans community that made the user hear an ominous text to speech voice followed by a feeling of intense dread and paralysis. The greek goddess Artemis herself took control of my body after I woke up, sat at the edge of the bed, turned on the lights, grasped her head and expressed grief and righteous parental concern at the idea of anyone doing that to herself. A lot of this part of the dream involved strategically looking at nothing and smothering my face in darkness so as to reduce the effect. At some other point after I fell back asleep in the dream, I was at what was supposedly the watt/I-80 station dropping off/making sure a housemate was alright to get where she needed to be. I told her of the similarities this scene had to the last dream, although the last dream was a nightmare and my housemate had a legit knife instead of a butter knife in her hand. We were overlooking a lake on a bridge. After taking the elevator down and avoiding eye contact with anything not directly in front of me, I hop onto the train back to... Watt/I-80? The point is I was taking the blue line back to the station near my house (which isn't that one). A fare inspector came by despite my expectation that since it was so early in the morning I'd be off the hook. He looked like my second year community college sociology professor and I noted the gorgeous frozen lake sunset scenery just as my zip pass randomly got deleted. He told me I had to get off and I said that was fine because this was my next stop. What should have been Watt/I-80 West or the one before that was "West Antarctic Station". I got off at a frozen riverbank where no train tracks appeared to be present. The river opened into the same gorgeous lake I pointed out to the fare inspector and I was officially stranded while waiting for the next train.

My girlfriend was in this dream somewhere at some point but I couldn't tell you where. There were also points in the dream where I got off at a bus stop at a corner store near an intersection in an otherwise nature-y area.

I had a dream earlier this morning where my mom's physical condition became progressively worse and it made me anxious about if it's even possible to live independently anymore. After I woke up, Aaron mentioned we could move to the Netherlands if push comes to shove but I'd miss my friends

I remember that the dream involved me playing roblox harmlessly at first, however things quickly took a dark turn when I went to see four of my friends, one of which is one I have in real life.

For no particular reason, I started doing unspeakable things to them, depriving each of them of one of their five senses. One of them lost their hearing because I jammed a knife so far into their ear canal that I punctured the ear drum, one of them lost the ability to speak, and one of them was both deaf, blind, and mute, and possibly incapable of feeling anything. Another one was locked in a shower. For whatever reason, none of them reacted to any of this, and one of them seemed to almost enjoy it. After all was said and done, I kinda just left them there in the bathroom that this had been done in. My friend Ren was horrified by what I did and publicly called out not me but the action of what I did. No one else cared, but I felt guilty the entire time regardless. I remember going on an episode of either the Simpsons, Malcolm in the middle, or both to confess to my crimes, but I couldn't talk about it because they were only interested in things that would make them money, so hal talked with an interviewer in a kitchen about the time one of his kids did something stupid. Regardless, the whole ordeal was an experience of handling guilt. A few of the locations I was in included inside a giant hardware store-ish thing, outside a shopping center, in a bathroom, and on a TV set.

One of the people I desecrated looked like max, another like trinity, and another looked like a small electronica musician I saw live once. I feel horrible about all of this and would never wish harm on any of those people. One of them is a somewhat close friend, another one is extremely nice, and the musician seemed cool.

The fact that this dream was had after I started feeling like school was falling apart isn't a coincidence. I'm glad I have Aaron comforting me right now.

I remember being in this sort of dream world where different passageways lead to different parts of the dream. In one faithful instance of stupidity, I found myself going through a tunnel with some people that lead to a relatively large, dark expanse and then coming out the other side alone. The setting I found myself in was a roller rink's food court/resting area, but minus the actual roller rink itself.

I tried to leave, but as I went further into the entrance I came through, I felt like I was being impeded by a stronger version of the same pitch black material that my trailer's blinds are made of. It felt as if I was completely enveloped in it the harder I tried to power through it. Eventually, I decided to call upon the help of a tall, vaguely emaciated looking figure who must have been the god of this realm. He told me that in order to get through, I needed to maintain a state of absolute calm, and only then will the passageways to other parts of the dream be opened to me.

I decided it was worth a shot. I walked in as far as I could, already missing whatever I was doing before I found myself in this predicament, laid down, took a few deep breaths, and suddenly I felt as if I was no longer being crushed like before. The first few attempts to leave were unsuccessful due to me losing my sense of calm and/or focus, but eventually I did make it to doorways that lead elsewhere.

The problem, however, is that none of these were desirable locations. A lot of them featured nightmarish creatures and dead ends, causing me to have to make it back to the roller rink area. A lot of them featured an entity resembling a very short old african american lady with no arms, although its human appearance was only a fluke. In actuality, it was as far removed from any kind of humanity as possible, acting either as a cunning, highly manipulative predator or a mindlessly cannibalistic one.

After what felt like at least an hour of searching, I made it to a small room with heavy green lighting and an old-fashioned wallpaper that featured vertical stripes and other decorative designs. The room itself was probably slightly larger than an average closet space, and across from me was a door that I presumed to at least lead to somewhere more feasible. The issue, however, was the presence right next to the door of an instance of the afforementioned creature and another, much larger and bulkier one that might have been wearing a tuxedo and had a face similar to the vaguely insmuth looking people from tool's music video for parabola. behind them was a chair and a few food bowls full of what looked like cat food.

I thought that maybe I could dart past them and open the door, however I didn't consider the possibility of it being locked, and once they spotted me, they both attempted to attack/take bites out of me, to which I got angry and adrenaline-filled and knocked over the chair and food bowls, eventually causing me to wake up. I remember thinking to myself, "oh thank god finally".

I had a dream where me and mom were still homeless. Despite that, one thing that stayed close to reality is that I worked at her job with her. We were having an argument in front of the car about openness when I said that I feel like I can never be open about my opinion about her or other things and she got really mad, and then I pointed out angrily that this always happens, after which I was kicked out of her car, felt obliged to leave and we screamed at each other as I walked away flipping her off from behind with both hands. Before she even left, a couple of old, decrepit heroin junkies with needles in their arm and an asian guy with a robot started asking favors of me that I didn't feel were ideal for me to do. They wouldn't back off until a few straight moments of convincing them to leave, but this one creepy overweight asian guy with a robot was following me for a bit longer, after which he deployed a module of his robot that rolled around on the ground, presumably to watch me.

I ran to the other side of the hotel where my room was and closed the door, but before I could close it entirely, the little glass diode robot rolled in, after which I stomped it down and crushed it. The room was similar to the main two star hotel we stayed in for most of the duration of our irl homelessness, but instead of puke green like the door, the walls were white, and the main bed was in the corner of the room across from the TV, which was a nice flatscreen one that actually worked, on the right side of the door. Some time before she left, my mom said that whatever was on the TV was probably unsettling, and it sort of was. I saw a very personable grayish blue crash test dummy get dunked forcefully into water while it passively and contently accepted its fate, among other things. I switched the channel and came across a music video for a song by Primus about someone convincing their dad to let them use heroin, with the "I know I'll get through to him someday" line standing out to me the most. It sounded like something off their 2011 album Green Naugahyde. The whole time this was playing, I knew that the door to my hotel room was so broken that a little outward force could open it, but I didn't know what to do about it until I saw that it wasn't the main door. The main door was covering up the window and was much thicker. I closed that and after a bit of relaxation after an entire evening of tenseness, I woke up.

I had a dream where I was at an apartment with my mom and I had to go outside to do something. There was also a celebration of some kind going on. I left when for some reason I decided to find a car to sit in for some reason. I sat on theo (ex boyfriend who I am on good terms with irl) on accident and noticed that Edynn was in the front seat and vicky from the fairly odd parents was there too. they told me to get out and that they didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Theo cited the fact that we were in a relationship and I didn't care as a reason. I couldn't articulate more than just screaming, specifically at edynn. I actually got so mad I tried scratching up her face, resulting in theo being harmed the most. I got out, told my mom about it, and she seemed more adamant about advertising that there was a two bedroom apartment we were gonna move into. I left and wandered around aimlessly for a while.

I remember being in a hotel room and saw the notorious B.I.G there with me. I said something along the lines of "wow you really do come across as big". he took offense to it, thinking I was referring to his weight, I clarified that I meant in regards go his presence and energy and then he got really hyped and started knocking stuff over and then left. Cut to a school. I was there with all the friends and students I had talked to in school throughout the years. I had a diary and nicknames. I remember seriously upsetting Jasmine and then apologizing. We stayed in dorms that resembled one star hotel rooms with the same sickening green color as the two star hotel I am in as of writing this. Shawn, a friend I used to know from elementary through middle school, had run into a warehouse after breaking down and being insecure about his musical skills. I eventually went back home and talked to my mom and decided we had to do something over at a different part of the building. We drove there, at one point talking about conspiracy theories and how I personally didn't get them, especially how they apparently gave people the urge to defect to remote locations. We made it to the building and then immidiately noticed the structure of the school location was flipped. There was a lightswitch that my mom got fixated on at the end of a hallway at an upper floor of the building. I was trying to get her attention when I saw someone walking towards the stairs next to us on a lower level. I noticed that there was a shoe replacing this person's head, freaked out, said "mom, these people are made of feet, we gotta go" and noticed that her head had turned into a shoe as well. The shoe person below me noticed my presence and ran full speed towards me as my mom stood mindlessly facing the lightswitch. I was attacked and then I woke up.

It was late at night and my aunt left. That is unfortunately when I realized my mom was also gone and I had no one to take me to school. I then complained about this in a way that caused me to gain lucidity. I saw my aunt's van (very consistent, I know) and saw my rottweiler in there. I asked her to say something a few times and she made deep, guttural vocalizations that vaguely sounded like "Bree". I got in the car with her to watch videos when I heard a knocking at the door next to mine. It was my sister and she was getting my attention about a book, which appeared to be from the goosebumps series. I interpreted this as a threat and got out of the car with a lighter and backed away into the front yard where I attempted to set her on fire, although all it did was momentarily cause her pain with no visible signs of damage. The way I was doing this led us into the street where she managed to grab me by the neck and slowly morphed into a poorly passing trans woman with a sinister smile on her face, which is when I woke up

In this dream I was playing a game that had some form of AI in it. It tried to generate and ocean-based Zelda game but since it didn't know how to program NPCs there were just a bunch of dead mermaid Links at the bottom of the ocean. I then woke up and went to the kitchen. It was early in the morning (likely 5PM or before) and my grandma wasn't in a good emotional state. I hugged her for a little while, which resulted in her telling me that she was calling the cops. When I asked why, her only reply was "suicidal war rites". She grabbed a petri dish with remnants of some kind of brown substance while I was begging her not to kill herself. She was about to get something else from the cabinet where we put our cereal until she finally snapped and screamed at me to shut the fuck up.

I was writing a script for a documentary about my life after leaving the band I'm in. I was suffering from something called "thought battles" which plagued me constantly. Essentially, it was just fancy terminology for me being too mentally active to do anything and that eventually leading to pretty bad short term memory loss. I put my notebook down and started wondering around my room for ~5 minutes. I then went downstairs to see if water could help. When I got to the kitchen, I saw a kitten no more than a week or two old pass me, and then I started crawling on the ground. From down the hallway I could hear me grandma talking to her self, saying that she was from a location in real life that she doesn't actually live in. (keep in mind this is at around midnight). She then spots me and shouts "Hey!" at me. I am paralyzed.

I remember entering my room. On my computer there was an AI program that teaches itself to physically delete things. I turn it on with my peak nihilism in full swing and it starts.
It starts as unrecognizable, but eventually I start seeing physical items be deleted, so I type !detention, and that pauses the program or at least makes it unable to operate. I unpause it and I get the most menacing "you" on my monitor screen possible, seeing as the list of items that are deleted goes up to the 12,000s. I try to type it again, but my keyboard was deleted, so I grab another one, but my struggles to plug it in were to no avail. All the while, pop punk/post hardcore-ish music was playing in the background.

In the first part of this nightmare, my aunt and my mom went out to do something. After that, chaos ensued. I told Michael Rosen about the game Doom. As soon as we were playing the game together, he went nuts and tried to kill me. Next, I went into the TV room where my aunt and my uncle were watching TV. I went to my uncle and told him "I seem to be having trouble not having nightmares," while sitting behind him on the couch. He then became really sinister looking and tried to strangle me. I tried to push him back with limited success. I commented, "Wow, my cousin is much worse at this." After that, I was playing a game made by valve involving doge heads and collecting stuff that came out of a hole in the wall. I saved my spot as "doge(could be a nightmare)," and as soon as I began to go down the hallway outside of the room, I saw a demon lady with pitch black skin who was as tall as the door race towards me. It then cut to me going downstairs when I noticed my cat. I decided I had enough with any nightmare or anything that could start one, so I took my cat and bent her in half so that her head was next to her tail, broke her neck, and bit her. Why? I guess I was just that pissed off.

I was at lunch talking to W. I was showing her a video while everyone else was recking the place and while there was a consistent 4/4 drum beat consisting mostly of rides in the background. I guy from at least a yard away commented on it and then it cut to me being at W's house. The place was a mess and the floor was covered in clothes. I remember the floor was a navy blue color. Her room looked like a small compartment in an abandoned sanitarium, with the corners rotting and trash everywhere. There was also the closet to the left. The walls were yellowed with age or perhaps because of the lighting. She then asked me to assist with a large roll of scotch tape she was taping to her head. it looked like she was trying to replicate cornstalks with her brown and green hair. As soon as I grabbed the tape from her, it cut to real life, with a narrator keying in what was happening in the dream. Overlaying my vision was a wikipedia page of some kind, and I was in sleep paralysis on my side looking at my desk. All the while, I was tensed up and sweating with fear. The narrator said that, "What Mark saw that night he would never recover from." I then woke up, got dressed, and then ACTUALLY woke up.